User:Zim ulator/archive12

Talk with reverend zim_ulator, Uncyclopedias unofficial patron saint of the bat shit crazy

“Relationships are like Lego blocks; the more fur, the faster Hawking radiation is emitted.”

~ Psychopathes on keeping your woman in the kitchen

Enjoy with a splash of rum and a twist, and a plate of bat-wrapped pork brains in milk gravy.

Archive 0 | Archive 1 | Archive 2 | Archive 3 | Archive 4 | Archive 5 | Archive 6 | Archive 7 | Archive 8 | Archive 9 | Archive 10 | Archive 11 |

The Right and Left Honourable Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator KUN EGA PC FP WotM HA is pleased to welcome you to his humble talk page.

[Forum proposes ending the Goldstein award]

You might want to voice your opinion on this. ~ 07:52, July 19, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I started to write a tome, but settled for the short version. I refuse to be drawn into a flame war, or other dickbag-like behavior. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:39, July 19, 2010 (UTC)

I really appreciate your support. Have calmed down enough (maybe enough) to reply there too. Thanks, too, for the photo to save UnNews:NY Yankees compared to Nazis. The article wasn't quite funny enough (as usual, the first two paragraphs are totally unfunny recapitulation) but it is now. Spıke ¬ 02:34 20-Jul-10

Yeah, he pissed me off. He's been a growing irritant, and I don't understand why he's even here. I was thinking about trying to PS a Yankees cap on the ape-Nazi. Maybe I'll do it yet. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:42, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

Wouldn't take much to bend the ends of the NY logo to pull it into a swastika, would it? Spıke ¬ 04:04 20-Jul-10

I'm toying with following a tried and tested methodology of dealing with all the unhappy people on Uncyclopedia. /me polishes his uberbanstick deluxe.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I hope you're not aiming that uberbanstick deluxe in my direction. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:00, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

One effect of waiting to calm down was to avoid making the charge that the voters to end the award were absent from the creative side. Wise, as my Watch List shows that Froggy (and Saberwolf) spent a lot of time yesterday completing and correcting paperwork on articles saved off VFD. Spıke ¬ 13:18 20-Jul-10

Uh, maybe I'm dense, but I don't follow. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:00, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

In other words, it's not that the "unhappy people" have totally transitioned from the productive division to Management. Spıke ¬ 19:20 20-Jul-10

Whoops!

Although I'm sure you're aware of this already, you blocked yourself for one day instead of 90s Kid21 for removing ICU tags. Just letting you know.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 04:22, July 21 2010 UTC

And we need another sysop to get him out, but I don't see any online. --Andorin Kato 04:23, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

No you don't, any admin can unban himself. ~ 04:54, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

I tried, but it didn't seem to work. I called you a cunt for resurrecting me. I needed the rest. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 04:59, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

To me, it wasn't hitting yourself on the head with the banstick. It was typing the change summary into the Ban Log, Was that loud enough for you? Spıke ¬ 19:12 21-Jul-10

I know, it's funny as hell. I will cherish the memory of this experience forever. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:25, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

The deal...

...is that highlights wouldn't be any better or worse if admins picked them from the list taking turns. I'm fairly confident they would be better, in fact. -- Style  Guide 11:08, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

If you mean UnNewses on VFH, Zim occasionally nominates good pieces--but to get through VFH before becoming irrelevant takes a big whoring campaign.

For the digest on the Uncyclopedia home page, in {{RecentUnNews}}, Zim mostly maintains it. It was discussed in UnNews:Newsroom, Sec. 4. We took instructions to n00bs out of the Style Guide, but a few users still list their own pieces. Spıke ¬ 14:06 21-Jul-10

No, I replied to Zim about something he asked me. -- Style  Guide 08:01, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

If it were true that a cabal of admins are effectively the same as what passes for voting now, then perhaps Uncyc is doing a bad job of whoring itself sufficiently to motivate more "non-cabal" users to vote. We need to emulate Christianity by evangelising to the heathens. In any case, it's all your fault. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:07, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Er, as an occasional voter myself, what exactly is my motivation to vote? (And don't go all fuzzy-warm-good-feelings-explanation or you're-doing-it-just-to-see-your-name-up-in-lights-explanation on me.)  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  24 Jul 2010 ~ 18:13 (UTC)

Your motivation? I have no idea. Far be it from me, no one special, to analyse your motivations or push an agenda. The only thing I am sure about is hyena blazing. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:58, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore By Zim That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd By UU The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno. The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages! Whoops! Andorin did it again Vote for less voting! What's a "Braydie"? From our logs: 06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia) 08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.) 06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.) 01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat) Old-school featured article of the week A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples. The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday. Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban! 15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeDS 13:46, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

WTF?

"Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed."

Yeah, you better be fucking sorry, bitch. :P 86.46.154.57 23:47, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

^ Uh, that was me. -- boring Ape (lather) (Riot Porn) 23:54, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

A bitch? Yes. Your bitch? No. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:18, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

That'll have to do. Get in the van. -- boring Ape (lather) (Riot Porn) 11:48, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Indeed, it will have to do. I will not get in that filthy van. I'll follow you to the baseball field and we can smoke some of this strawberry cough I've been saving. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:10, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Buddha's too big

It's messing with the formatting.

1. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
2. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
3. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
4. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers
5. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
   

See how the gap is bigger between 3&4 and 4&5? He should be smaller. Alternately, reclining Buddha. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 16:35, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the heads up. Better now? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:44, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

1. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
2. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
3. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
4. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers
5. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
   

Yes. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 18:53, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Buddha's never too big

Since saving it from the fools at VFD I've been playing with "Evil Jesus". No, not in the flesh, but here, in the electronic flesh. Since you created and nursed the page, what do you think? Have put it on pee just to get the seven days out of the way, and how 'bout we nom it as a collab if you like it. Evil Buddha can't be far behind. Aleister 16:00 24 7

You, sire, are truly evil. I am honored and honoured. Evil Buddha is great, or maybe Buddha-Cthulhu? I will check out your evil doings soon. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:04, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

LARRY

that article was for you. I managed to get Buddha in there.lol. Lordarcadian 05:05, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Which article? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 05:11, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Never mind... Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 05:12, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Scaring small children

Thanks for your kick in the pants, something I missed by not having anyone take it on pee review. I've done a new workup of the lead section, making Old Man Johnson the narrator, and put in some new edits throughout. This was a rewrite that I removed the "rape" and "gore" from and greatly expanded with the pics and new ideas, but I kept some of the original language and that's where it stalled. Could you spare a few moments and tell me what else you think needs to be done? Not a pee review, but another sentence or two from you would the next best thing. Thankers. Aleister 16:50 25 7

I will check it out when I get my Sunday UnNews scut work done. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:23, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, but this is the best I could muster on todays medication levels. See [[Talk:HowTo:Frighten small children|here]]. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:28, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Zim, I've got to ask...

Why do you link every fifth word in every UnNews - even words like "us" and "that" and "two"? Obviously, every article needs at least two or links so it doesn't dead-end, but does it really need six links per paragraph? And links to crappy articles like THEM (which is the redirect from "us"?) and That (which is almost inarguably VFD quality)? Is that good for the wiki in some way I don't see? Also, if we're parodying Wikipedia, shouldn't all the links be on words for which a reader might conceivably want more information? pillow talk 18:38, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

I like to link a lot as a nod and courtesy to other writers, and because I've developed a bizarre aesthetic sensibility that demands them. Admittedly my mental affliction leads to links to some awful articles, and were I not such a lazy Chief Janitorial Services Editor, I'd follow up all links in all UnNews articles to assure quality control.

However, I feel justified in doing things the way I have done, and point out that I am not a reluctant stick-in-the-mud, and that zi_methodology has and continues to evolve. Now, since you bring if up, wouldn't it be cool if somebody were to somehow get through these shamelessly terrible articles, fix them or VFD them, and fix said link in the UnNews articles?

I'm glad you bring this to my attention. Thank you and cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:14, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:UnNewsAudio Flagrant self-promotion

I didn't revert an Admin this time, not because I didn't want to, but because reverting someone baring his own bat-fuck soul might be touchier than reverting an Admin using an index to bare the soul of a soulless audio that shouldn't be on the list anyway.

Now then, is there any reason your entire bleepin' resumé has to be in your entry on the personnel list? Is there any reason someone inquiring as to the Audio personnel wants to know that you are also our cartoonist? I can score a baseball game. But no one cares. If they want to know everything about us, our user pages are literally one click away.

Separately, Gert5 has done some work that potentially increases the user-friendliness of UnNews more than Specialty Indexes. Please read my write-up in the UnNews:Newsroom, contribute your reaction, and ensure that he doesn't do it "the wrong way" (if there is one, that is, if you know of things to avoid) and that it is properly integrated into UnNews. Spıke ¬ 01:35 26-Jul-10

Good choice. I'm in full-on whoring mode, both of myself and Uncyclopedia in general. This also includes whoring you, if you're a good boy. I'm getting touchier too, if you haven't noticed. Also, I'd have had to ban you, and I hate doing that.

I will peek in on the Newsroom, and weigh in on whatever you're on about, but no guarantees for timeliness. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 05:07, July 26, 2010 (UTC)

UnWikiLeaks

Hi Rev. Hope you're hanging cool. I was wondering about the above disservice. You're the best Admin to ask about this. It seems WikiLeaks is in the news these days, in a big way. UnNews is kind of like that, but perhaps UnLeaks could be different than UnNews (just like Leaks differ from News). What do you think of introducing that to UnNews, like the oil spill section. As UncycloLeaks, or UnLeaks, or UnWikiLeaks. That could be fun. What do you think? For example, some of the leaks coming in the news should be UnLeaks too. Hehe. GRIN. Cheers!--Funnybony    19:20, Jul 26

I am cool enough, thanks; hope you are too. I like this idea a lot. Leaking absolute bullshit... nice. I think it should be it's own section. Do you want to lay something out in your user space that we can discuss in Newsroom? Cheers! forgot to sign Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:40, July 28, 2010 (UTC)

I think this would fit nicely as a column, provided we can have a series of leaks. I like it. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:40, July 28, 2010 (UTC)

What kind of links would be best?  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  30 Jul 2010 ~ 03:30 (UTC)

Do you mean leaks? I'll have to give it some thought. If you meant links, then I hae no idea what you're on about. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:34, July 30, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Small-town officials defend outlandish salaries

Thanks for doing my housekeeping on {{UnNewsAudio}}. Maybe it was one of those times when I clicked Preview and wandered off... Spıke ¬ 22:05 27-Jul-10

Scut work is what I live for. *wink wink nudge nudge*. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:15, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

Evil Jesus

I'm getting to really like where the page is at, and since it's past due on Pee review maybe time to launch it. Do you have any major objections to anything? Thanks. Aleister 23:25 30 7

Give me a bit to look it over. Thanks. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:28, July 30, 2010 (UTC)

You're talking about putting it on Pee Review. right? If so, yes I think it could use some water sports. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:34, July 30, 2010 (UTC)

It's been on pee for over a week, I was thinking it's ready for a VFH nom. What weak points do you see, taking into account we have different senses of humour (which is a good thing for a collab)? Aleister few minutes later

Did it get reviewed? I can't find the review. 98.217.88.250 01:44, July 31, 2010 (UTC)

No, it didn't get reviewed. Some things stay on pee review for three weeks or more. This will probably be one of them, so we have to eyeball it ourselves. And Zim, the drama may be moving to the UnNews department soon, so alert Spike and get ready to unleash the hounds. You guys did so much work on the main unnews page and made everything so nice looking and accessible. Good luck. Aleister 5:02 31 7

UnNews Main Page

I was not aware of the redesign although I have since looked it and as far as calling it a "redesign" goes, it looks a heck of a lot more like a hack-up of my previous redesign. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 20:33, July 31, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I'm not pleased with it either. I asked because to me, suddenly Gert5 announces at the Village Dump that there's this reskin being tested. Then suddenly there's another in Beta, which I've never heard of until it pops up in the dump. I feel like the moron in an episode of, "I didn't know I was pregnant". Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers

Anal sex

Since the failed VFH nomination of anal sex in mid-July, I've taken to fixing up the page. ChiefjusticeDS got around to reviewing it, scoring it 42/50 and making a number of recommendations. I've taken his suggestions to heart and improved the page in the areas he pointed out. The fact that it scored so well on Pee Review, combined with my personal opinion that it's a pretty good article, is causing me to ask: What made you vote against it? If there were any changes that could be made that would turn it into an article you could support, what would they be? --Andorin Kato 18:58, August 1, 2010 (UTC)

IRC?

Zim, are you planning to be on IRC any time today? ~ 08:30, August 2, 2010 (UTC)

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced By UU Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day. Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start By UU Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part. So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages! You're new, aren't you? I have this way of telling Fighting the good fight: a beginner's guide Someone returns, creates forum From our logs: 07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now) 14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.) 00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.) Biopic of the Week Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow. Sexy 'Crat of the Week Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:41, 5 August 2010

UnNews:Women Allowed to Go Topless in Public after Supreme Court Case Boobs vs. United States

Welcome back, from wherever. As I wrote to Andorin Kato, who was the first to intervene on this--

I thought that, rather than slap ICU on stuff like this, we did "mercy moves to userspace"--an option impossible in this case as author is I.P.Anon. This article doesn't read like news, isn't based on news, and is merely a vehicle for a bit of three-tit soft-porn. Or, to stop beating around the bush, it isn't funny. I'd message Zim but he has not been in the building for a couple days. Spıke ¬ 14:22 7-Aug-10

Yeah, it's crap and soon to be deleted if anonymous user or someone else doesn't fix it up. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:52, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

Reductio ad Hitlerum

I loved your article. So flattering to have an article about little old me on the main page. Keep up the good work, I adore hearing about myself. --Ozymandiaz 22:58, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

Uh, yeah. Right. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:16, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

Evil jesus

There's now a drunken pee review of a drunken Evil Jesus. I will work from it and continue to improve and expand the page (we mainly need more parables, and I'll add two more at least). Have you looked at the article as yet? Thanks. Evil Al 20:56 9 8

UnNews:Ted Stevens leaves mortal body to become one with Internet

Hey, thanks for posting on my talk page. I have a question. How do I get my UnNews article on the Main Page? (Not a featured article, just on the UnNews list on the main page) --BoctorRodotnik 23:58, August 12, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not Zim and don't speak for him. But step 1 is to write a funny story. You have correctly sensed that UnNews is one of the few places where you can joke about someone two days after he goes down in a plane crash. But this story is a jumble of random thoughts and memes--as though the mere mention of Sarah Palin were instant comedy--that have little to do with either the news, the Senator, or the Senator's career, and don't begin to explain the thesis that the Senator has survived death to merge with the Internet--why we think it's true, or even what it means. For instance, if it were Al Gore, you can see why it would make sense. I wish you would take it back and try harder to make it hang together. (I did today's UnNews Front Page, and passed over your story also because we had two stories relating to the start of the month of Ramadan, so I wrote a third and made that the theme of the day's issue.) Spıke ¬ 00:25 13-Aug-10

SPIKE, as always, has conveyed the gist of what I'd have said. A warm welcome from the Chief may be a good start. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 15:50, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

("As always" except for those times when you wrestle with the idea of banning me!) In fact, I was afraid this would be seen as Bad Cop--but, with diabolical obsequy, it would let the Chief play Good Cop, apologize for my brusque remarks, and induce Boctor to (shudders) write a few more articles.

PS--You will have heard that New Hampshire is not a good place to joke about death via plane crash; a rep candidate who wished Palin had been aboard the flight has had to apologize, and a sitting rep who said, That would only make Palin more formidable, has "resigned" his rep seat (for the off season) and "suspended his campaign" (not that a Democrat from Durham ever has to campaign). Still on the ballot but forgotten until next Inauguration Day. Spıke ¬ 16:45 13-Aug-10

No, I wasn't aware of all the hubbub. Ugh, these politicos provide us with such a gigantic, dank pool of fetid behavior... I can scarcely believe some people can respect them. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:03, August 13, 2010 (UTC)::

Wait a minute, what? I thought I posted a reply already. Oh well. Directly replying to SPIKE's first reply:

Well it's not like any other news articles are any better now. And Sarah Palin does have something to do with the story, as it happened in Alaska. Alaska = Sarah Palin's house. And it makes perfect sense to use the Senator for this. When the average Internet user thinks about Ted Stevens, they automatically think of this video. It doesn't matter one bit about the Senator's career, what he did in his life, or the things he did wrong in real life. They just see some old guy talking about how the Internet is a series of tubes, with awesome techno music in the background. Thus the 'Series of Tubes' meme sprouted forth and people talk about him as if he's the Ambassador of the Internet, and if you'd pay attention to the comments on some of the videos, some will declare the song to be the Internet's 'National Anthem'. And this UnNews article is based almost entirely on the meme itself, therefore it simply wouldn't make sense NOT to use memes. --BoctorRodotnik 09:15, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

I had not seen that video. Have now read Wikipedia:Series of tubes and concede that the story is about something. But it is still a "a jumble of random thoughts and memes." Even if all of them relate to Stevens in some way, merely throwing them on the page is not humor; and writing about Some mountain somewhere and Who cares isn't a guaranteed laugh, it just makes it read less like news. It might help if the story started with Stevens' real-life quote, which I have now added. No, the story is not the worst ever. Spıke ¬ 10:13 14-Aug-10

In fact, neither of the August 13 stories merit feature treatment either. "Guaobamamo" is not even in UnNews style, something I'm not going to spend the time to rectify. However, the "shcool" story was vandalized overnight--Typing crap into the lead paragraph may support the theme of bad scholarship, but it makes the story not read like news--and I've just reverted it. Spıke ¬ 10:25 14-Aug-10

Well, if you hadn't as much as even seen the video, you probably don't know enough about the meme to really make a decision (No offense at all, though). And I'm not 'merely throwing them'. The article's based on a meme, the Internet, and Ted Stevens. Therefore the article has an Internet theme, and, as the Internet is mostly memes, it adds to the theme, but notice that there aren't too many (Don't want it looking like an ED article). And if you don't like how it includes things like Some old mountain, then by all means change it to what you think is funnier. It is a new article. --BoctorRodotnik 00:28, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

People rarely know everything that would help them make the decisions they have to make, in my case, which stories to feature for the August 13 edition. I have a conceptual problem with the other August 14 story (Ground Zero), as I set out on its talk page. As I'm doing nothing but listening to the Red Sox game, I'll do an edit on it. Still, UnNews is drive-by humor: We write a hopefully funny take on today's news, and in the rare case that something is nominated for VFH, it will be day after tomorrow long before it gets 15 votes, and we'll all be working on the next thing. Spıke ¬ 00:40 15-Aug-10

So you're saying my article CAN'T be featured even if it was the funniest thing ever, 'cause I'm too late? --BoctorRodotnik 01:02, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

I think that is true. I also think it is not the funniest thing ever. Above, I am using "featuring" to mean the three stories we do graphics of on the Front Page. I rotate them when Zim is occupied, as he has been lately. There is also a list of recent UnNews stories on the Uncyclopedia home page. There is also VFH or FA treatment, which means the whole story appears on the Uncyclopedia home page. That almost never happens to an UnNews because the news is stale before the story can win a vote. Spıke ¬ 01:11 15-Aug-10

Your little hiatus

I take it you are still at the bottom of your aquarium, trying to feed your pet fishes by waiting until they will take food out of your mouth. I have been rotating the Front Page almost daily. I have hyped my own work because a couple of the stories (Papua New Guinea and the Bouncers' Convention) are more quaint than funny. However, PeregrineFalcon999 has written two based on Middle Earth; they too are of niche interest but I've promised him that one more story and I'll give him all three spots on the front page, just to have a gimmick. Spıke ¬ 19:52 17-Aug-10

Gimmicks are good, especially for UnNews. Yeah, as I had said a while ago, I'll probably be floating in and out for a bit, so thanks for taking up the slack. My health has been unpredictable lately, so that's the way it has to be. Cheers! Prosit! Shenannigans! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:45, August 17, 2010 (UTC)

This particular gimmick has been in place since about 6:55 our time today. Whether I flip it back tonight or tomorrow morning depends on who's filed new stuff when the UTC clock flips over. Are you returning soon? This could get tedious.

PS--Forum:A new way to request multimedia help has just opened up, regarding ways to ask for multimedia help, and Meep's complaint that he, at the Image Help desk, is getting audio and other requests. Mordillo has replied noting UN:AUDIO (maps to Zimulator's Corner), which I never knew about, for requesting audios. Spıke ¬ 23:06 18-Aug-10 post-edited

Good work keeping up the front, comrade. I had completely forgotten about the Zim_ulators Coroner thing... somebody sort of did some stuff and put my name on it. Thanks. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:04, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Coroner??? Let's hope this little health scare of yours doesn't get to that! Spıke ¬ 01:28 20-Aug-10

heh heh... I knew you'd pick up on that. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:32, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved! By UU UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with. So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes By UU Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly. TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages! Did the leprechaun tell you to burn things? Finally, something worth voting on! Classy! From our logs: 06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars) 03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence) 16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....) Biopic of the Week Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be. During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write. Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good die leave young early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeDS 11:49, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

New UnNews format vote

Look here. ~ Mordillo where is my PENIS? 11:34, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

OK. Been under the weather lately, sorry it took so long to get back to you. You have some very kind words about me, I have seen thus far... thank you. More later, after I read... which may be a bit, because I'm still under the weather. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:55, August 27, 2010 (UTC)

Evil Jesus on VFH

Our Evil Jesus has traveled on his donkey to VFH, there to answer the age-old question, can a Jesusi page obtain the heaven of feature-status. Aye. Aleister 21:42 24 8

Fucking wow! That is all, for now... Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:53, August 27, 2010 (UTC)

From Romartus

I trust you are recovering well Zim. I had hoped all this voting business with UnNews would be delayed until both you and Spike were able to promote your changes but it seems the community want Olipro's revamp instead (or is a retro re-vamp?). Perhaps in retrospect It would have been wiser to have started off with a mandate for changes before you,Spike and Gert worked on the pages but then what would have people been voting for or against? Oh well...anyway, I trust you have a speedy recovery. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:18, August 28, 2010 (UTC)

Have you left?

You, me, IRC, beer, drugs, how about it? -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 00:13, August 31, 2010 (UTC)

Please don't go!

---

 ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  31 Aug 2010 ~ 02:29 (UTC)

OK. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 02:34, August 31, 2010 (UTC)

Ozymandiaz

Hi Zim. I noticed you have banned Ozymandiaz for good. Just reading his user page and comments about people and you in particular, he does appear to be a Prize Arse. However, just on a note, can a user be permabanned by what they say or do on their own user page? This isn't special pleading for Ozy but just something that I wanted to know. Also, and I think I have mentioned it before after my own banning experience, users are not always coherent when they get a ban and are not sure where to go. Perhaps a template could be slapped with a ban telling them where they can go to whinge/whine/legitimately complain/etc as to a ban. In fact it would also help other contributors because unless they check a ban log, they won't know what is happening to a particular contributor. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 06:04, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

It wasn't really an important point right now. You don't have to answer this one Zim. Thanks.--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 10:49, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

Some of Ozy's drama, and the indication that he meant to pick up exactly where he left off before the previous ban, is on my user talk (Section 17.1 and 17.2). His two mainspace contributions since returning were quickly and correctly reverted. A template for permabans might be useful to notify people that a user has gotten vaped; himself too. Spıke ¬ 19:20 1-Sep-10

Ozy was a raging prick and a real cocksucker, and if his ban was admin abuse, then I'm a supermodel with beautiful plastic tits. At times like this, it is better to be grateful that he's gone than to worry about policy implications. These unsolicited two cents have been brought to you by Hyperbole. pillow talk 20:13, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

I actually felt badly about banning the poor, delusional kid. He clearly isn't getting the therapy he needs. Spike hit it on the head, pointing out that when he returned (and on previous occasions after other bans) he made it clear he hadn't learned a thing from a bunch of previous bans, and was picking up where he left off. Once I told a guy I was going to kick his ass. He promptly kicked my ass. Lesson learned. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:22, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

I would have banned him if you hadn't, Zim. --UU - natter 09:38, Sep 2

Well this is mature isn't it? A promising and talented user is hounded and blocked by some psychotic admin anmd you all sit around spewing obscenties about this hapless Martyr. You really are the most pathetic bunch of snivelling cowards I've ever come across and I could tell you some stories. I thought Wikipedia was authoritarian but it this is a disgusting display of pure admin abuse. As a skilled psychologist I can confidently say that you're the ones who need therapy. You're the most delusional band of idiots I've ever met in my life. You work on low-level maintenance on a humour website and you act like you're curing cancer. You fancy yourselves the Algonquin fucking Round table but you're a bunch of sad, lonely old men. I'm the real victor of this unhappy saga since the moral highground is mine and I walk away with my head held high to leave you stewing in your own corruption. Nevertheless despite my deep humiliation at your hands, I still love this website and will soon be returning to register another account. --86.174.21.44 19:11, September 3, 2010 (UTC)

For serious, get over yourself, quickly. I can at least accept I'm useless and my existence is an exercise in oxygen wastage and mediocrity, why can you not do the same? Oh yes, I forget you are better than all of us and you could never be in the wrong, how silly of me. --ChiefjusticeDS 19:18, September 3, 2010 (UTC)

You know the game, made famous by HIMYM, "drunk or kid"? Like "I once decided to see what would happen if I put marbles in the blender; was I drunk, or a kid?" Well, Ozymandiaz seems to be playing "mentally ill or troll?" And, honestly, he's really good at it. I can't tell. Is he acting this way for the lulz or because the voices told him to? Fuck if I know. pillow talk 19:52, September 3, 2010 (UTC)

I say troll, and a pretty stupid one at that. He/she should be pretty easy to spot if they resurface under a new name. Ban sticks at the ready, ladies and gentlemen! 02:42, September 4, 2010 (UTC)

I want to say troll. Because some of his self-defeating logic at times seems just too pat to be anything but deliberate. Do I win a small internet? --UU - natter 11:12, Sep 6

That last rant would make a great letter to the editor. Votes?

 For. Helping ozymondiaz make a bigger idiot out of himself/herself. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:36, September 4, 2010 (UTC)

We all have times where either due to personality differences or just plan rampant asshattery a situation develops where people just can't get on. Usually an admin steps in and lays down the law, even if that is just "suggesting" that you keep the fuck out of each others way and let the dust settle. There are lots of examples where people set out to deliberately troll a situation (usually under the assumption that they are somehow superior morally and intellectually) and that their behaviour somehow reflects this. The reality is that they are victims of their own egos and caught in the same negative cycle they believe that they are trapping others into. The short answer in dealing with people you believe to be trolls is to ignore them, or ask someone else to deal with them. Don't waste your valuable time or energy in something that either isn't bringing you enjoyment or is a valuable learning experience... :) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Since you're the King of all things UnNews...

I figured I'd ask for your opinion on my first article in the namespace. Amidoinitrite? - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 03:41, Thursday 02 September 2010 -

Well, not King... maybe Archfecal Duke... the story? Fucking awesome, possibly the best first UnNews story since the Mongol-Mormon uprising of 1789. You'll notice some cosmetic work has been done, but that's no big deal. Dats watt edotors is fore. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 04:06, September 2, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews format

Hail Rev Zim! Hope you're hanging tough. I was wondering about the formatting. Spike mentioned something about not highlighting words. Should I stop doing that? Any other changes or improvements? I just want to do it right. In your honour. Cheers!--Funnybony    09:32, Sep 2

Hey dude. Thanks for checking in. I've been meaning to let you know that the crazy old way is no longer being endorsed. That much less work would be the silver lining. I suppose. Keep up the great work, you news-writing psycho. You rule! I love your latest on the Taliban. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:13, September 2, 2010 (UTC)

That being said I don't think it is forbidden, right?  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  04 Sep 2010 ~ 03:04 (UTC)

I don't think so, but articles so formatted are being edited to reflect that "policy" now. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:08, September 4, 2010 (UTC)

DAMN THE MAN!!!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  04 Sep 2010 ~ 04:01 (UTC)

SchuminWeb

Thanks for the comments and the advice, hopefully I'll get the hang of things! Cheers! SchuminWeb 17:04, September 3, 2010 (UTC)

My pleasure. I have faith in you, my son (daughter, whichever). Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:16, September 3, 2010 (UTC)

Leads rotated. Spıke ¬ 23:48 7-Sep-10

UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours

The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week! By UU It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too! Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked: Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it? Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles? Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy? If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before! The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins! By UU As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF. That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again. Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation." Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again. UnNews main page By Socky Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted.

Check out these pages! Wikia sucks, part 469 In other news, The Pope's a Catholic Insert lie here The very pinnacle of humour From our logs: 06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.137.241.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck. Flaxmere too.) 04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.30.32.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!) 05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.) 18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Thank god I'm in Israel then!) 18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!) 17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn) Biopic of the Week It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed some seriously good featured articles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways? Old-school featured article of the week go eat shit fuckers

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:44, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

Zimmy

I hope you're not planning to leave on account of the latest changes in the main page. By the end of the day, they're concentrated on looks and not on content, which is what matters. You still are the evil demon of UnNews and after over 4 years of running the gig, this place would lose a great deal with you leaving. Let me know if you want to talk over IRC at some point. ~ 21:01, September 10, 2010 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure I've been rendered irrelevant. I haven't seen you on IRC. Email me, if you like. zim

UnNews:Archive

I don't know if you ever bother(ed) with maintaining the UnNews Archive, however, since I've just done away with the previously very onerous process, here's the low-down:

1. Go to the edit page for the month's archive... such as UnNews:Archive/October 2010
2. Simply add {{UnNews:ArchiveGenesis|October|2010}} to the page's content (where October is the appropriate month and 2010 is the appropriate year) and save it.
3. Update UnNews:Archive to link to the newly created page.
4. Profit.

Do note that I've done away with title links to specific dates in the archive because they are, for all intents and purposes, useless. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 13:44, September 13, 2010 (UTC)

Do also note this was copypasta'd from Kip & SPIKE's talk page and I'm lazy to personalise it. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 16:59, September 13, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews -- what happened?

Hi Zim, looks like envious little chipmunks have been shitting in your yard. What a fucking mess! Whose in charge? Did a coup take place? Whaass-up? Cheers--Funnybony    12:39, Sep 14

Sadly Zim hasn't been around for the last week or more, hopefully the chipmunks will put in some continued effort to clean the place up. Sadly when people seem determined to push things through that some sections of the community who put in the most work there didn't actually want you can see how they would question how well their time was spent over the years. Zim is a bit under the weather at the moment, hopefully he'll come back refreshed at some point in the future. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Thanks, Sir M. Your reply is much appreciated. For now Unnews is a stagnant mess - and I'm so friggen sick of Sarah Palin's news picture and boring story that I can hardly stand it. Now everything is buried. Who wants to get buried? Not me. Please let me know when the quick-sand hardens. BTW: Do you happen to know what happened to MrN9000? Cheers!--Funnybony    15:52, Sep 14

Funnybony, I just featured your dispatch of today from Warziristan, but by replacing the oldest article, not by shuffling them, so you'll still have to look at Going Rouge and its overlong lead. Spıke ¬ 16:42 14-Sep-10

Ugh!--Funnybony    17:55, Sep 14

Sorry guys, I've still been sick. Some people here seem to be disappearing because they're tired of dicks. Cheers! Zim

Some of us haven't left, we've moved on to other things.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  20 Sep 2010 ~ 00:38 (UTC)

Template question

What is Template:/All Things Bat Fuck for? It is unused and not linked to, and is apparently just a one character long. --Mn-z 01:02, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for bringing it to my attention. It was a mistake I'd forgotten, I guess, so it's gone. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:18, October 6, 2010 (UTC)

You...

You killed my... er... Hindleyite's hamster! Prepare to... er... wait, but if it wasn't even my hamster, why do I even care? On second thought, nevermind. o_O

Cheers. Also, I figured it was time I said hi over here. Hi! ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101110 - 01:35 (UTC)

They have cable tv and air conditioning here too! Complimentary rhino-hollowing services on the third level, next door to the bat traps. No giggling in the kitchen, please. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 04:16, November 10, 2010 (UTC)

Yes... glorious, eh? But... er... what happens if I do slip and let out a gliggle or two? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101110 - 04:27 (UTC)

That's fine. I let my granddaughter get away with it. While you're in there, would you bring me back a slice of pizza? Oh, and are my socks in there? Would you look around? 24.61.112.73 04:38, November 10, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, I think I saw some socks in the oven... they yours? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101110 - 04:41 (UTC)

Is one red and one black, and do they smell like whisky? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 04:46, November 10, 2010 (UTC)

Is this better now? Thanks in advance for your opinions. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 04:50, November 10, 2010 (UTC)

Well, they were kind of charred... hard to tell at this point. I'm afraid to wonder how the soup was whenever that happened, though.

And... oh. I must have missed that before. Subsequent to it having content, I'd have to say it's better, just by default. Reading said content, however, all I can really say is... my... brains... o___O I think that means you did good. Cheers. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101110 - 05:08 (UTC)

(wearing Mr Gumby costume) Sorry! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 05:19, November 10, 2010 (UTC)

No, no! Do not be sorry. So a few brains go flonkers, so be it; I went through many more passing through the Library the first time and what you are creating is strangely similar. You are putting poetries to the words, the likes of which I have not seen in a goodly long while. Perhaps I am already dreaming, but this is heading in a direction in which it is all so beautiful... a direction in which it all comes to pieces. Or falls together, one or the other. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101110 - 05:25 (UTC)

It's intriguing, how you say this about that. There is a sort of poetic thing going on, I suppose, although I'm not used to thinking in those terms. After a gazebo counting accident, my university career came to a halt, and I don't know anybody personally who "gets" what I do. I've been left in my cave to rot, and have arisen as bat fuck insane into full daylight. How do you think this reflects on you? giggling in the kitchen Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 06:15, November 10, 2010 (UTC)

Poetry is relative... like how some folks'll call an algorithm beautiful. To everyone else, it just works or it doesn't, and the whole thing may well be a pile of mongoose shed as far as most are concerned. But to those who see it for what it is, it is clean and elegant and beautiful.

So, er... what exactly do you do? And love, I've no issue with being mad. I built an entire Madness, after all. Built it out of all the discarded dreams and quotes and ideas I could find, and with every new one, I add a little more... a little more madness, a few more memories, bits and pieces of so many discarded realities... I want some cornbread. *wanders off* ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101111 - 01:35 (UTC)

I am on permanent disability (since 1996), and realized the true impracticality of trying to work until I can find a way to feel better. I spend some time on the net, watch a lot of television. I like to learn about stuff. I think my approach resembles your approach in several or so ways, and so, will not be redundant. Aliens are abducting my spleen... you'll have to excuse me. Ta Ta. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 09:13, November 14, 2010 (UTC)

and cast about for new avenues to pursue, vis a vis learning a little something about different stuff. I have, uh... varied interests.

UnSignpost - The UnSignpost Rides Again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

Nov 11th, 2010 • Issue 94 • The Newspaper that shaves you closer!

The UnSignpost Rides Again! By Chief A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Rebels attained victory over the Imperial Empire and the last UnSignpost flopped onto talk pages. The drought came as Under user announced that he had a life to be getting on with, and at that point the UnSignpost simply stopped writing itself. Some people have suggested that these two events may be linked somehow, but until we see proof, we have resolved to live in ignorance. However as we hurtle towards the end of the year it would seem the magic has returned and the newspaper that confusingly contains neither news or paper will once again be arriving on talk pages weekly monthly annually whenever we can manage it. Newer recipients of the UnSignpost are urged to suggest ideas for stories in the press room; this helps as it means we don't need to pay attention to anything you people do every day. For now, please welcome the UnSignpost back into your homes and hearts... please? Speak up! By Chief For those of you who may be unfamiliar with The Article Whisperer, permit me to clear the waters somewhat with this bit of text I have, at great personal risk, copied off the competition page. It is: "An annual writing competition held by Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles", which I think we can all agree is absolutely splendid. Unfortunately, all our intrepid journalists were saving Kittens from trees and generally performing heroic deeds when the competition took place, but that won't stop us from talking about it. Lyrithya and Matfen were the biggest winners, or losers depending on how you look at it, each being Grand Champion of two categories. Competition founder MadMax was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, so we have made something up instead: "The competition was a great success and I would like to thank everyone who took part; especially ChiefjusticeDS who is absolutely fantastic and whom I owe many drinks", he might have said. The Article Whisperer is expected to take place again next year, and MadMax might have said "Take part or die", but probably not. The Aristocrat's By Chief & Mhaille Few competitions stir the loins more than The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, self described as Uncyclopedia's festival of frivolity and bad taste. The competition has three categories: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball Best Bad Taste Article The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery If you aren't a writer (we are led to believe some people are not), then 3 Judges are needed for each of the above categories (see here). Seriously, this will be so much fun you will wish we did it twice a year... maybe. The competition opens on November 19th, so put on a stout pair of writing trousers and get going!

Check out these pages! Bed Never on Sunday Anything interesting happening? Zombiebaron That's so 2005 From our logs: 16:29, November 10, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 seconds ‎ (You're reviving the Signpost? Good luck! Now to think of a witty ban reason to get me in the "From Our Logs" section. Penis. That ought to do it. It would if I was editing it.) 04:27, November 10, 2010 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.181.83.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Normally you'd probably be reading a witty message from an admin. Obviously, I'm not one of those admins. Gotta tell you, you're missing out.) 10:36, November 9, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.42.244.217 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (List 350 reasons why I should care about your birthday, and I'll reverse the ban.) 08:10, November 10, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked EatPoo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Alas, dear sir, you are afflicted with the stupid) 16:31, November 10, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 years ‎ (Stop being supposedly here and BE HERE. YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART) Biopic of the Week Do you hear that? Thought not, because this week we are taking a closer look at one of Uncyclopedia's true unsung heroes, Black flamingo. He has a whopping 12.5 feature credits; that's more than 5 feature credits and 6 feature credits put together! Not only that, but Black flamingo has been instrumental in keeping Pee Review afloat while you weren't. Respect this man immediately or I will punch a Zebra, that's how committed I am to getting him recognised. Head over to his talk page right now and doff your helm. Now, dammit! Don't make me fetch the Zebra. Old-school featured article of the week The term "Paul is dead" (PID) refers to an urban legend or a hoax perpetrated either on the musical group The Beatles by their fans or vice-versa. According to the legend, bass guitarist and singer Paul McCartney was replaced by a lookalike after his alleged death in an auto accident in the mid-60s. Proponents of this hoax cite obscure clues embedded within the Beatles' lyrics, symbolism in their album covers, and Wings as evidence that the "real" Paul didn't survive into the 1970s. This manuscript reveals the full chilling truth. I've read it, and it will blow your tiny mind.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Giant, fanged hams

I thought I'd let you know, since you seemed to like the thing... I finished it. Well, more so. It's basically full of content and has formatting now, and since Roberto decided to go belly-up while I was in the middle of working on it, I copied it over here to continue. I'll copy it back once Roberto starts cooperating again, but in the meantime, care to take a reread?

It's quiet now. I do not know how long we have...

I didn't ruin it, did I? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101114 - 02:00 (UTC)

Meh, nevermind. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101114 - 07:02 (UTC)

Nevermind? I hope not. I just carefully read it, and extolled its virtues. Do not tell me I wasted my time, of I will know that you do not love me anymore... I will be sad and morose... don't bum me out, sister. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 08:10, November 14, 2010 (UTC)

Well, nevermind in that Roberto started cooperating and I copied it back over and subsequently this message was a mite pointless. Bloody servers... still, I wouldn't say you did, just that now it's in two places at once and I really need to stop doing that and... nurg. Glad you like it, though, love.

Though now I haven't even the heart to list it on QVFD. >.< ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101114 - 15:58 (UTC)

IMHO, it's up there with Hyena blazing. I also love that article. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:49, November 14, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, the insanity... or more aptly put... what the...? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101114 - 23:19 (UTC)

Read All About It!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

Nov 18th, 2010 • Issue 95 • The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way she/he did!

Wanna cyb3r? By Chief Hailed by some as the final solution to the Uncyclopedia problem and others as a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the Uncyclopedia IRC channel has chugged along for almost the same amount of time Uncyclopedia itself has. We here at the UnSignpost have literally hundreds of stories to sort through every week and we have picked IRC for a reason, and not just because it is easy to spell. We chose it because the Uncyclopedia IRC is a community and often contains users who are never on the site (because they are lazy and idle), equally many users who frequent the site do not enter IRC (because they are idle and lazy), and those who do often prefer to do so in disguise. This is a disgrace, don't ask why, it just is. Our intrepid reporters have spent literally minutes on IRC this week in order to bring news of it to you, the uneducated and unwashed masses and to try and encourage you to make use of it. Whatever you want to use it for: reporting vandals, penis jokes, collaboration, penis jokes and incoherent babbling; IRC is there for you. It is also a way to get to know the dull uninteresting personalities behind the exciting usernames, but don't let that put you off. When our intrepid reporter delved into the IRC community and asked the first person breathing in and out for a quote about IRC they told us "..." which should certainly give you food for thought. If you have some time on your hands then why not learn how to windsurf? But if you are too idle and lazy then why not head on over to IRC and see the magic happening for yourself? I would and if I would it must be a good idea. Balls up! By Chief The stage is seated, the judges are set and the competitors are questionable in number, yes The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is almost upon us. The competition opens this Friday and entries will be accepted until December the 3rd which is... a little while after that. Our hard-hitting journalists will be present at the competition and will be speaking to entrants and judges alike over the next few weeks. Just think; if you take part your name could be in italic font in the UnSignpost! Think about how envious your friends and family will be! Remember, it begins on the 19th of November and we want to see blood! We need you! Shameless pleading by: ChiefjusticeDS The UnSignpost is like an office printer, in that it constantly breaks down, sometimes doesn't work for months at a time and occasionally spews out some slightly smudged pages. If you think you have something to bring to the UnSignpost be it your journalistic talent, ideas for stories or even just a warm and reassuring slap in the face, feel free to drop us a line in the press room. Also Meganew wanted us to mention the Grue Army in the UnSignpost, so we have.

Check out these pages! We're the worst in another way! Why?:Not Vote now! It's not as bad as you think! From our logs: 05:54, November 14, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked POPEYE FUCK U UP (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1) You suck. 2) Stop sucking.) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 17:01, November 12, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.109.64.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'll have some gay porn if you're going to the shop) 3:32, November 14, 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.147.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'M HAVING A FRIENDSHIP ANEURYSM) Biopic of the Week Know who it is yet? Know what time they were last here? No? Then you should probably be able to guess that this week we are looking at Aleister in Chains. Al has been hanging around Uncyclopedia for just under a year now, and in that time has picked up 25 feature credits and has earned the eternal hatred of many for his enduring good humour and incredibly annoying signature timestamps. If Aleister hasn't been responsible for a single one of your chuckles over the last year then you need to start reading some of his articles, that or cancel your afternoon appointments as you have died and failed to notice. I wouldn't recommend you post on his talk page or look at his user page as they are both just plain weird, offer respect, but don't doff your helm, you never know what might end up in it. Overlooked Page of the Week Things to do. Easing the pain in your pants since 2007. Newsroom UnTune of the week The Uncyclopedian's song

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeDS 14:39, November 18, 2010 (UTC)

So, um... what the hell happened?

I'd ask you there, but you can probably guess why I'm not. So, er... what happened? What's going on? I mean, that spiders web thing went and moved stuff around as usual, but... eh? And what's that other thing doing? Is it the same thing? Or an idiot? So... convoluted... and why can it not be reversed? This is killing my poor orderly brain... ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101124 - 02:37 (UTC)

Run for your lives! It's another UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

Nov 25th, 2010 • Issue 96 • Putting the period in periodical!

Jimbo, Whales & The Worst 100 By Him again Those of you who regularly sit and stare at recent changes may well have seen a lot of tomfoolery with the site notice this week (that banner at the top which you dismissed two seconds after logging in). The reason for this is that somebody noticed that we are supposed to be a parody of Wikipedia and suggested we come up with something to parody Jimbo Wales' appeal. Zombiebaron duly obliged, then Lyrithya obliged too, then Olipro edited some code and the site notice you see today, or don't see, as the case may be, was created. Well done, them. Honestly, we have nothing bad to say about it. Except that I hate it as I do most things that come about through a process of honest endeavour. For those of you who didn't know, Jimbo does have an account on Uncyclopedia, an account he never uses, in rather the same way that I have a membership to a gym; I need one to be cool and so I have somewhere to hide when the black helicopters inevitably come for me. Jimbo is of course the co-founder of Wikia, which is rather like having helped build the Death Star except with less space and more super-lasers capable of destroying planets. Unfortunately, we haven't written a parody of the appeal yet. Well, we have, it just isn't very good. The team at the UnSignpost read both and after the laughter had died down we had a look at the Uncyclopedia one.... yeah.... but have our assurance, Uncyclopedia is working on improving it, and how could you doubt the people who brought you classics like Fisher Price and AAAAAAAAA!? The other item of news we have this week is that the reflections on this year are woefully lacking. Hurtling as we are towards the new year and the annual Cabal broadcast, you may want to consider adding an entry to the list in order that the administrators can sleep soundly at night. We refuse to believe that nothing of note has happened over the last couple of months because we've been here and can attest that something has happened every day. So get over there and do the editing, we'll be right behind you. Voting heats up By Chief The "of the Month" awards are in something of a state of flux at the moment as voters and nominators become increasingly unwilling to vote (or care) in some cases and more willing in others. "It's a sad indictment of the way we live," lamented Socky when our reporter spoke to him, though he did say some other things once we asked him some questions. This month on the Uncyclopedian of the Month award, Lyrithya has stormed ahead of competition, running up 16 votes at the time of going to press; we would say she was miles ahead of her opposition, but since she nominated both of them and voted for one of them we don't think she deserves it. When asked to comment, Lyrithya had this to say: "I hate you all". Meanwhile over on Writer of the Month, Romartus leads SPIKE by 7 votes. Neither of them were available to provide us with a quote, probably because we forgot to ask, but we took some of the things they said on the award page and through creative journalism summed up their thoughts: "This... is... my... award" is what Romartus said, though he may have said those words in a different order... and as part of different sentences. SPIKE just said "Yay," which was lovely. Things are far more exciting over on Noob of the Month where mega-noob rcmurphy and regular noob Putthatknifedown are neck and neck with 5 votes each. Things are of course far less exciting in the land of the other awards: Author of the Month is a gripping contest as gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Under user trudges towards the finish line arm in arm with gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Mhaille (he wrote a couple of lines for us once and they were amazing). Potatochopper of the month is also a rather subdued affair with nobody getting any votes, despite two people being nominated. Finally Reviewer of the Month has no nominations and thus, surprisingly, no votes so far this month. Why is this? We at the UnSignpost asked Uncyclopedia's dictator in-chief Mordillo what he thought; he agreed to consider the question after a stiff drink. We can only assume it was a strong one as we didn't hear back from him for 3 days. When he came back, he declared, "Uncyclopedia - UNITE! GO OUT TO THE STREETS AND DEMAND MORE BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE WELL SHAPED BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE THREESOMES WITH JEWS! and vote for NotM and RotM right? Trust us, we are the cabal, we know best". As Mordillo was being sedated, Socky bravely stepped in to fill his trousers and surprised everyone by saying "My thoughts on awards are that we should have a lot more of them and we should be a lot less serious about them. We could be having fun instead of worrying about drama. Voting will only lead to good results when not subjugated to logic." Socky went on to lay down his plans for ruling Uncyclopedia and restoring Germany to a dominant position in Europe; he left our interview early to annex Czechoslovakia, so thankfully we cannot bring you anything else from him this week. There is a point here, does Uncyclopedia need more awards? Or does it just need more contributors? All we know for sure is that you need to start voting NOW! Or tomorrow if you're a bit busy at the moment. Chief learns Latin; talks about lorums By Socky See {{lorum}} for a full transcript of his Latin writings.

Check out these pages! Mail Order Lobster When's your birthday? A surveillance camera!? From our logs: 13:58, November 21, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.112.195.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Enough time for you to go and have a bit pot of warm penises, just like you love them) 15:52, November 19, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.126.123.197 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck at vandalism. You should probably try your hand at cooking or painting or something instead.) 14:40, November 18, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.120.230.138 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (I dunno - you expose a paedo, then it's you who gets in toruble. Fuckin' liberals, eh?) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of UnNews and VFD, SPIKE has earned the respect of his peers through a combination of three things: Hard work, immaculate record keeping and... hard work. SPIKE is often to be found speaking into a microphone for UnNews, saving condemned articles on VFD and generally trying to make the site a better place. While he may not have as many features as some people, he makes up for it through a huge amount of work; his userpage is a comprehensive list of achievements, good deeds and a lot of other information that you probably don't need but he is prepared to give at no extra charge. I need all of it, of course, as I am building a database which I plan to flog to a corporation at some stage. If you contributed anything to UnNews or nominated an article for VFD this year then this man likely got involved at some stage. Respect him and get back to work. Old-school featured article of the week Are you tired of being a small cog in the giant machine of what is, for all intents and purposes, an infinite and uncaring universe? Of course, we all are! "But how do I, a mere newborn babe/small child/university student/accountant/elderly person just steps away from death's door, whose gaping maw is opened wide in anticipation of my ethereal etherealness, the insignificant mote of dust that is me, passing through its opening en route to what will surely be a depressing and disappointing eternity, attain oneness with the universe today?" you ask. How? Here's how. Newsroom UnTune of the week Stalker An UnSignpost apology As you know, we at the UnSignpost make few mistakes, but it has been brought to our attention that we misquoted Mordillo and made him look like a bit of a weirdo in the story to the left; this is highly regrettable and we enclose his full quote here by way of apology. "the ongoing voting trend that is directed at obvious targets such as WotM and UotM are a cardinal warning sign that Uncyclopedia is not only the worst, it keeps deteriorating. How else would you define a community that is centered on awarding its writers and goody two shoes? What about young new fresh people that are hopefully insatiable redheads with abnormal fondness of threesomes with Jews and MORE blondes? What about the people who take the substandard manure that the above said writers produce and fit them into shape?! Are we all doomed to be old shapeless writers? Will Uncyclopedia become like Europe - ageing, overweight and smug? Where are all the young willing blondes amongst the population?!" Editors note: Mordillo then went on to say the bit our journalist was awake for in the interview. The UnSignpost bitterly regrets having him sedated against his will due to this misunderstanding. We will be sending a fruit basket round to him as soon as his screams of anguish as the doctor inserted the needle stop being quite so funny.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 01:05 (UTC)

Don't you love the smell of the UnSignpost in the morning?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

Dec 2nd, 2010 • Issue 97 • STOP! UnSignpost time!

UFFL Week 12 Update By CheddarBBQ Now that it is so far into the season that everyone not involved with the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League, as well as many that are involved, could not possibly care, what better time for an update? After eleven gruelling weeks, it seems that on top is the one and only Doritians, Take II, with an impressive W-L-T of 9-2-0 and a current six-game win-streak. They are also the only team to currently have a clinched playoff spot. For those not aware, the Doritians, Take II are the follow-up to Cheddar's Doritians last year: an Eagles-based team that performed, to put it frankly, shittily. When asked to comment about his surprising victory, Mr. Cheddar claimed, "GET RAPED SON." Elsewhere in the league, there is currently a tight race for 2nd between the Oklahoma Boomers (who are currently in first point-wise and have the season record for highest score in a game with 168.14 points), The DC RacialSlurs, The Dudes, and Lepus Muerte. The real secondary story revolves around league commissioner and possible Nazi-supporter Rosenkrantzenpants. While last year, the German team took the overall victory with quite ease, this year's team is not so magnificent. After many losing streaks and strokes and bad luck, Rosenkrantzenpants has barely been able to pull itself past an even Win-Lose ratio. However, despite a poor record, he maintains 4th place point-wise. The Well-Dressed Pickles again still have yet to win, most likely due to having six of the worst players in the league (two of which are out for the the season) and a refusal to edit the line-up. The Bearasorta Vikings aren't doing much better. Also, you should watch The League on FX. It's a damn funny show. Aristocrat's Update By ChiefjusticeDS The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball rumbles on, and as the closing date looms like a fat man over a large cake, the question on everyone's lips is "What's the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball?". In case you have recently returned from an Uncyclopedia hiatus or have been hiking through the Amazon Delta wearing nothing but a pair of slippers, I will explain once again: the ATDB is a festival of frivolity and bad taste, highlighting all those fine, fine contributions we never want to see featured. The UnSignpost sat down with competition judge Lyrithya to find out what, if anything, there was to know. "I would like people to stop asking me for help," Lyrithya moaned before our journalist could open his mouth, "Two people have so far already" The UnSignpost infers from this that the competition is truly a desperate one this year; some entrants have clearly been pushed to the limits of their sanity and have begun searching Uncyclopedia's back alleys for writing tips. To round off our interview we asked Lyrithya who she thought would win. "That guy," she said emphatically, indicating a nearby vending machine, "His article is excellent." Whose article she really means shall remain a mystery until the results become known on December 10th. The competition closes for judging this Friday at 00:00 GMT, so if you want to enter, you need to do so soon. The UnSignpost will be there to bring you the results when the judging has happened unless something more exciting happens. Unlikely, but we live in hope. The Grue Army By Meganew For almost a year, most of our classic usergroups remained in pieces. Groups like the Uncyclopedian Forces, the UnAnarchist Party, the UnFire Department, and yes, even the Grue Apocalypse. The economy also dramatically collapsed, with commerce reaching an all-time low. However, one group stands out among all: the Grue Army. After their leader High Gen. Grue went AWOL, the once-proud Grue Army was left belly-up with only 4 of the original members still in. The decision to revive the group was made and Meganew has been seen wearing Patton-esque General's clothing ever since. Some newer users had joined up with the group already, but it wasn't enough to equal a full-scale revival. Therefore, the leaders decided on an unusual plan of action: pick who they thought would be the 10 best candidates for the group. After some of the candidates decided not to join, the plan was expanded to all of the twenty users originally selected. Some have responded and have become active Grue Army members, deep in-the-cave reserve members, and allies. Some people have questioned the need for another group of people who don't do much, but are happy to tell others what to do, as we already have site admins for just such a job. This has been a shameless advertising promotion from the Grue Army, Join Today!!!

Check out these pages! Fap fap fap!! Celebrate Mediocrity!!!!!!!!! Ever get that "not so fresh" feeling? From our logs: 05:45, 25 Novemver, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked ISLAM WILL DESTROY YOU IMPERIALIST SWINE LIKE DUNG (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (ZOMBIEBARON WILL DESTROY YOU ISLAMIST FANATICS LIKE DUNG) 06:27, 24 November, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank a userpage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) 07:42, November 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.35.10.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Such spirited hi-jinks and individuality.... I MUST DESTROY) 17:33, November 30, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.77.131.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here's yet another reason for you to hate Jews) 21:01, November 30, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Avianion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (cyberbullying. also, coming from Halifax, which should have some kind of law against it.) Biopic of the Week It seems only proper that this week as we pass the 5th anniversary of its featuring, the UnSignpost should take a look at perhaps the biggest in-joke Uncyclopedia has ever seen: Euroipods. For those who don't know, Euroipods was intended to parody the marketing campaign for www.euroipods.com, which ran from mid to late 2005. However, despite the effort, detail and effort that went into creating the article, some users couldn't understand what all the laughter was about. Stories of the clashes on the talk page of Euroipods are still told whenever veteran Uncyclopedians gather round a modem to compete in tales of blood-chilling terror. The article spawned several spin-off articles, since creativity is next to regular bathing on the list of things Uncyclopedians will avoid if at all possible. All hail Euroipods, may it stand forever as proof of our commitment to being the worst. Old-school featured article of the week Mozilla Firefox is a famous magical girl of the 21st century, seen by many Europeans (even though she's technically a United Statesian) as the Western answer to Japan's infamous "Project Sailor Moon". She is a direct descendant of the legendary Maozilla and a daughter of now-deceased Mozilla Suite. Mozilla is therefore a last name, but is written first to make fun of the Japanese. Firefox's goal is to reclaim a vital artifact lost for humanity a hundred generations ago in Browser Wars: the Interweb, a huge web embedded in the surface and atmosphere of the planet Earth. Her arch enemy is the Interweb Exploder, a giant monster that repeatedly tries to blow up the Interweb, without much success, and zombifies people that connect their computers to it. Both Firefox and the Exploder are web browsers: their duty is to patrol controlled areas of the Interweb and fight minor saboteurs and wreckers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Playing with myself

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- 03:12, December 2, 2010 (UTC)

The UnSignpost, now with 25% less saturated fat

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

Dec 9th, 2010 • Issue 98 • Is that an UnSignpost in your pocket?

The UnSignpost Investigates: VFH By Chief If you have ever written an article on Uncyclopedia then the chances are you have run the gauntlet of Votes for Highlight at some point, which inevitably means you have experienced the helpful criticism, the less helpful criticism and the downright bizarre criticism. VFH is the most popular voting page on Uncyclopedia, and this week the UnSignpost is taking a closer look at the process that separates the wheat from the chaff, and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian. VFH has come under fire this week from an outgoing editor and we thought it would be unfair to dismiss his claims without properly investigating them, so we didn't and it was a great fun; we played badminton and then we went bowling. However, when Sycamore complained about recent trends on VFH, we decided to have a look. There is a serious point to be made here, with admins being told at least twice a week that both they and Uncyclopedia suck penises - is VFH not somewhere that should be more carefully regulated to prevent articles that are less than amusing being nominated? Or should users who are presently engaged in nominating idiotic pages for VFH be told to cut it out, or else? Discussions have taken place about scrapping voting altogether and having the admins run things or, as one bright-spark suggested: just get rid of against voting. VFH is not a machine in dire need of repair, however, but for many it does seem to be a flawed system that is entirely to blame for A wizard did it being featured. As a result of the above, the UnSignpost urges you to do two things: Vote on VFH; it needs your votes to work, as the name might suggest, and try to remember that while cocking about is fun, work is immeasurably more useful. Also, because the lead story this week has been very sombre and serious, we have attached a picture of a dog wearing a hat. Enjoy. Mince Pies, an editorial By Douchebag McSpackypants The Cabal Hey guys!!! This week I thought I would talk about something which is guaranteed to interest EVERYONE! My favourite food in the world: Mince Pies!!! OMG they are teh brillz0rz! (Internet slang; I'm hip!) I mean they don't even have MINCE in them! What's UP WITH THAT!? Here's how I began to find them totally lolicious and awesome!!!! It all started at last year's Christmas pa- Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to adjust your UnSignpost. Halt all subversive activity. Exits are not located to the rear. Rollback is not disabled. Expect no Christmas bonus. The Cabal is not addressing you from this periodical. It is not the Festive Season. Santa does not exist. Nothing you do matters. Our patience is not tried by your petty drama and hi-jinks. Contributions are not logged and examined. Addresses are not tracked and houses are not watched. Bans will not be imposed if you reject our reality. Abide citizens. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming ... and that's when I threw up all over the dancing Elephant! See you next week!

Check out these pages! Muppets go back to the future Reskinapedia? A forum from 3 years ago The Aristocrats judging! From our logs: 04:46, December 7, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked AngieCrosby (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam spam eggs spam spam spam sausage spam spam and spam) 15:42, December 5, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked SAMUDESU (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (na-na-na-nanana CUNTFACE!) 15:05, December 4, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Redundantunderuserwithhisslutwifeandretardedchild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (oh, the long winter hours must just fly past at your house.) 03:29, December 7, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.245.74.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 5 hours (lol k c(-; (that's supposed to be a guy winking, smiling and sticking his tongue out FUCK YOU!!!!) Biopic of the Week Imagine, if you will, a drug fuelled after-party in a Special Needs home, then stop because it's time for biopic of the week! This week we have a splendid fellow, as we inevitably do; it's Count of Monkey Crisco! Heard of him? No? That's because he is busy working and not spending time coming up with new and inventive ways of wasting time in the Village Dump, like you. It may surprise you to learn that the Count (yes I must refer to him this way) is a former UotM, has four featured images and was the first man to scale Everest in a kayak... ok, we are exaggerating here; he only has two featured images. Nonetheless this man is the example of a good Uncyclopedian, hard working, quiet and modest. At least we assume he is modest; he hasn't ever done anything as awesome as I have, so we can't confirm it. So go on - investigate Uncyclopedia's very own man in black for yourself; he's er... Monkalicious. Old-school featured article of the week To Whom it May Concern On the 6th September 2006, I wrote this article, and I am yet to receive any feedback. I believe I expressed a number of real concerns which you have not yet addressed. In case my previous article was lost in the post, I will repeat my concerns here, and I trust that this article will reach you in good time. Source: Uncyclopedia complaints department, archive 4,978 Newsroom UnTune of the week Can't Be Blamed (For My Shitty Music)

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--ChiefjusticeDS 16:18, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

Whaaat?

Looking at this... who are you?! *flails*

Alright, alright, I know, admin hat, things change, dealing with assholes and idiots and whatnot, etc, but I'm still a little surprised. You really were a mean administrator... o_O Although the times you blocked yourself were pretty funny. 1234 ~ 18:17, 10 December, 2010

Well, he did say that I like penis, and I corrected him. I can't recall the real reason, or if it was a joke ban. I probably have the lowest number of users banned over the time I've been here, so I don't think I was particularly mean. I do recall maybe 4 users that I banned for giving me shit after they found out I was an admin. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:29, December 15, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I'm declaring you a mean admin fairy princess, anyhow. Don't even ask how that works... I'll figure that out later. 1234 ~ 18:45, 15 December 2010

My hypothesis is that you are upset with me because I've banned Luvvy in the past. I don't think I was mean, even though I used to like to tell people that I'm a big meanie. Thanks for linking me to the page of my shame; it was an enlightening experience. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 07:59, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

Er... no... that's not it at all... eh... nevermind. At least you got some rememory out of it, though. 1234 ~ 22:11, 16 December 2010

Oh shit! It's another unsignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

Dec 16th, 2010 • Issue 99 • Now with 50% more Cheese News!!

Turkey Ball Anyone? By Chief As all great things must come to an end so must all fairly mediocre things, and this has certainly proved true for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, which concluded last Thursday/Friday/Early Saturday morning. Unfortunately, all of our reporters were out watching Lord of the Dance or entertaining Monsignor Sandman when it was happening and we have no on the spot coverage or reporting whatsoever. However, we have once again stepped unto the breach in the name of journalism and have, at great personal risk, recovered the results from the competition page. This year the joint winners of the title category are: Socky for UnBooks:Fred and EMC for The Aristocraigslist. Socky's winning streak continued into the next category: "Best Bad Taste Article" where he and Zombiebaron's collaboration tied for first place with CheddarBBQ's slightly sickening entry: Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic. The "The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery" category was the only one that obliged us with a clear winner this year, and that winner was Bucknut4, with the loin-stirring image you see attached to this story. Of course everyone who took part in the competition is a winner... except the people who didn't win anything. The UnSignpost dropped round to Socky's house to find out how he felt about being the biggest Turkey of them all this year: "I'm really proud of winning twice" he told our reporter, banging his head on the toughened glass. "I'd like to throw a big party, but first I'll need to get rid of all the dead bodies...", which was a lovely thought. He also presented our reporter with this picture which, his doctor assured us, Socky had drawn himself. The non-existent Cabal would like to pass on its non-existent thanks to all entrants and judges of the competition and would like to make special mention of Mrthejazz, who narrowly missed out on victory in two categories; hopefully the suicide note, sleeping-pills and empty Whiskey bottles we found when we went round to his house mean he has just gone on holiday. Gayming? By Chief The Uncyclopedia game namespace came under fire this week as users began discussing whether the whole thing should be euthanized as part of Uncyclopedia's commitment to cutting internet congestion by 60% before the start of 2011. In order to get a handle on matters, the UnSignpost lured veteran Uncyclopedian Mhaille into an interview by convincing him there was cake hidden in our journalist's back pocket. Mhaille called the game namespace "A SHOCKING waste of server space and a section of the site seemingly inhabited by elves, dwarves, grues and Welshpeople". Is this a fair assessment of a namespace that has been around since 2006 or is this just the condemnation of a Bureaucrat engorged with spite at his continued lack of a salary? When asked if he would support deleting the namespace altogether, Mhaille said, "It should at least be hacked back to acceptable levels and filled with humour above that of a 14 year old D&D player". The debate on the game namespace is far from over, especially since a fair number of users haven't even realised it has started yet. Should we delete the namespace, or should we allow it to grow in whichever way the laws of nature allow? However with the game namespace regularly churning out classics like Grue Life and The Great Random Adventure of Awesomeness, it is clear to many that something should be done, even if it is only a jolly good chat in the Village Dump.

Check out these pages! Poo! Top my ten! From our logs: 10:13, December 14, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hellraiser123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dr UU's diagnosis: you appear to be suffering from being a twat syndrome. the cure for this is to ask someone to punch you in the face repeatedly, go try it, let me know how you get on.) 19:26, December 8, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked DILLO LOVES TO SUCK CHIEFS DICK!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of indefinite‎ (If only..... Oh no, I meant to think that!) 16:40, December 8, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked OmarTheGay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Recent surveys suggest you fall a long way short of even our standards) 05:28, December 13, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked I'm Going To Spit In Mordillo's Anus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Congratulations!) Biopic of the Week This week we have selected someone we seem to have written about far too much in the last month or so: Funnybony. For those who don't know, Funnybony has penned more articles than you could possibly count, unless you can count up to 295. However, we have decided to try and talk about something else besides the massive number of articles he has written (several of which became featured). We also won't be mentioning his ability at potatochopping or his victory in Playwright of the Month in October, nor will we mention his general lack of anger and his fondness for sending people pictures instead of words. In fact this biopic will have very little to do with Funnybony at all; the UnSignpost apologises for this and promises that Biopic of the Week will return next week as normal. So everyone: be impressed with Funnybony, despite the fact you know almost nothing about him. Birthday of the Week UU, this very Thursday. (This in no way counts as vanity). Old-school FA; Orian57 return special! UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden UnScripts:Trapped at Sea LazyTown Snow White HowTo:Build the Perfect Sandcastle Why?:Is There a Moose On This Plane? Why?:Am I a Power Ranger? Why?:Don't You Get a Job? Sort-of-festive thing of the Week It's Uncle UU's second annual festive Mince Pie eating competition and ban patro-ho-ho-ho-l! Fun for all the family! Watch for updates over the next week or so.

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--Magic Snow man ☃ 03:48, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

This is it... the 100th UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

Dec 23rd, 2010 • Issue 100 • Now with added bragging rights!

The UnSignpost hits 100 By Chief So here we are, issue number 100. The newspaper with the most haphazard group of editors and paper... people in the world has successfully spammed talk pages 100 times. This makes now the perfect time to look back at the UnSignpost through the ages and see the motley crew of visionaries, drug addicts and lunatics who have made the UnSignpost what it is today: damaged beyond all repair. The UnSignpost had a beginning, like everything: it was in days of yore when Uncyclopedians fiddled in the street.... in knickerbockers, Mordillo was a new-ish administrator and everything had a rosy sort of tint to it; Uncyclopedia was indeed not as bad as it is today. Two enterprising young Uncyclopedians, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper, came up with the idea for a newspaper, a newspaper that would tell lazy people what was going on on the wiki, thus encouraging them to continue being lazy. At first, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper made beautiful music love UnSignposts together and even considered making the UnSignpost a twice weekly paper... yeah. However such a partnership could not last forever, as nothing does except jam, and eventually Dr. Skullthumper departed the UnSignpost. Last time someone asked him about the UnSignpost, he said, among other things: "We had no idea what we were doing" which reassures us that nothing has changed in the interim. Cajek pushed the UnSignpost onward and it was good, until it wasn't any more, at which point DJ Irreverent took the wheel. Nobody has seen Cajek for years now, so being rational people, we can only assume he is sailing round the world in a boat powered entirely by Mars Bars, though we can tell you that he once said "You know, those shoes you see on telephone wires?" which should give you some food for thought. However the DJ was unable to maintain the UnSignpost for long, and he was obliged to leave; after all, in accepting the responsibility, he opened up a can of worms. Then how could he let sleeping dogs lie after he let the cat out of the bag? After all, if you change horses in the middle of the stream, next thing you know you're up the creek without a paddle. Which explains why he left; the balloon went up. After the DJ went belly-up (yes I'll stop this now) Under user decided to have a go... he strapped on his pads and hit the UnSignpost for six (OK, I'm definitely done now) - six issues, to be exact, and then wandered off to get married or some such nonsense, leaving the UnSignpost in the hands of Gerrycheevers. Gerry maintained the paper splendidly until UU came back again and enlisted the help of some more hip and happening users to help him actually know things. UU remained in the editors seat, mostly, and writers like Socky, POTR and Guildensternenstein dropped in to help now and then when UU's creativity failed him. We can't list everyone who turned up as we hate most of them, but they are lovingly remembered on the main UnSignpost page. Finally the stress became too much for UU, and he fled the office via an upstairs window. When he woke from his coma, we showed him the UnSignpost and threatened to beat him with a stick if he didn't give us a quote on how excellent it was. He said, "Boringly, I love the ol' Signpost, and will probably return to it one day ... But I have written the most issues, across 3 separate stints on the paper, and sheer quantity has to count for something, right? Anyway, I'm glad to see Chief continuing all the proud traditions except late delivery, and am idly wondering how long it'll take before he too crumbles like a dry reed in the face of its relentless news-hunger". So hurrah for the UnSignpost, 100 issues to match up with the hundreds of writers with issues who have contributed to it. See you in issue 200! The UnSignpost:A few words from someone you don't know. By PuppyOnTheRadio Hang on. Did I read that last bit correctly? 100 issues? Wow! Given that it takes our beloved paper boys about 2 hours to deliver the Unsignpost, that means that's 200 hours spent delivering this, not to mention the time and effort put into making this unperiodic periodical over the last 2ish years. So that would mean it's a combined total of multiply by 2... carry the 1... take away the number you first thought of... 2 months worth of work that has gone into the creation of this glorious publication. And it's that attention to detial that makes the UnSignpost what it is.

Check out these pages! Still need more! It's coming! But How? But Why? Christmas Songs From our logs, best of Modusoperandi: 23:25, January 24, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.14.255.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (2 days for blanking, 1 day for not being pretty like me) 20:09, September 7, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Consistent and focussed approach to awesomeness) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 4:01, July 26, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Not A Good Username360 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (He asked me a question. Outrage!) 14:47, July 26, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎ (I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 11:01, July 18, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.187.224.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You fill me with rage. Also, lust. *Blush*) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 18:26, October 1, 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 205.144.32.250 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Excessive vanity. That's my gig, bucko! I'm devastating!) 19:45, August 11, 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) Biopic of the Week Rather than come up with another user to biopic, the UnSignpost has decided to biopic itself once again, making it the first... thing to have been biopiced twice! (Except {{USERNAME}}, but that doesn't count, don't ask why, it just doesn't) We here at the UnSignpost were absolutely flabbergasted when the news became known and an editor exclaimed "My gast is truly flabbered". We would like to thank the academy, you the readers, us the writers, the people who put the fillings into Mince Pies and the person who invented the Jelly Baby. However, The UnSignpost rarely votes on VFD, never contributes to the site except to spam talk pages and generally has been writing essentially the same thing for almost 3 years, which is exactly what it should be doing. If you regularly read the UnSignpost, get a job so you have less free time and stop being so limber and stress free; if you regularly write for the UnSignpost, get a job so you have less free time. Well done, UnSignpost, and may you persist in all the poor practices that have made you what you are today. Anniversary UnSignpost of the week Believe it or not the UnSignpost had a birthday, only the one, but here is the last time we devoted an entire issue to talking about ourselves and how awesome we are when you sit back and think about it. Mince Pie update It's all go over on Under user's page as the festive mince pie race gets into full swing. UU himself has consumed 39 festive treats at the time of going to press, lagging behind Roman Dog Bird who has guzzled a whopping 52 mince pies at the time of going to press. Meanwhile, ChiefjusticeDS has only managed 25 and is just happy to be involved in something that involves other people for once.

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1234 ~ 06:55, 23 December 2010

UnSignpost, UnSignpost, eat it right here...

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Dec 30th, 2010 • Issue 101 • The periodical with just a hint of pie.

Awards of the year By Chief As Christmas fades into the deep darkness of memory and the New Year hurtles towards us so quickly that experts have predicted it will reach us within a few days, thoughts inevitably turn to the Yearly awards. Well, the thoughts of we here at the UnSignpost do; if yours don't, then you aren't committed to this site enough. The yearly awards are: Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Potatochopper of the Year. These highly imaginative awards are hotly contested affairs with up to 3 Uncyclopedians being nominated for each! While voting will not be open until early January you can already begin to think about who you want to nominate. The voting will be open until the end of January, hopefully, maybe, if we remember/are nominated. So prepare for the excitement, bribery and boredom fun. Vote, vote and vote. In all seriousness, there are some really deserving users around here and if you can't think of anything, then you need to get involved. Now to balance that out: Bing boing whoopsie knickers. Lolpoo By Chief Those of you who frequently watch the village dump may have spied, nestled amongst imaginative topics like "I r haz a solushan 4 all teh speeling prooblams on Uncylopedia!!" and "MY PENIS IS BENSON", the topic about the Poo Lit Surprise competition. As the forum topic suggests, the competition is expected to start in January on the 18th. The PLS is arguably the biggest writing competition in Uncyclopedia and judges are still needed to help out, just check out the forum topic if this is something you want to do. The controversial, drama causing, admin harassing problem associated with the PLS last time was the issue of a cash prize for the winner, and clashes over various entries to the competition and the related financial consequences caused problems for the competition and contributed towards Mordillo's 200th mental breakdown of the year. This year crafty Scot Sycamore, who has been coerced into hosting the PLS, has decreed that the winner may nominate a charity to which an unconfirmed sum will be sent on victory. Any further winnings may be withdrawn from your bank account with your credit card and redeemed at most shops. The competition starts on January 18th and we are lead to believe will close 14 days later, however we cannot confirm this for reasons that we are unable to confirm at time of writing and going to press. It's that simple.

Check out these pages! It is complete! Got a problem? Moar votes plzzz From our logs: 16:41, December 26, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.10.118.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (What's that under the tree? Why - it's a gift you overlooked! Whatever could it be? Well, how about that - it's a ban!) 21:08, December 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.4.116.14 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Sets off my arsehole detector. Don't ask why I have one.) 10:28, December 25, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 143 seconds ‎ (Merry thing you don't celebrate old chap! Hope the presents you didn't get would have been fantastic!) 22:15, December 24, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.2.208.36 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Did I just accidentally start a gang war between myself and some kids from Scotland? Cool beans.) 18:20, December 28, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.32.12.212 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Simon IS a naughty boy but it's not for you to tell) Biopic of the Week Bananas, bats and beach balls, what do these things have in common? The answer of course is Lyrithya, who, let’s face it, is just plain weird. Obsessed with everything from masturbation to mastication and from coding to cunnilingus... OK I made some of that up, but the thing about Lyrithya is that you don't know what I made up and what is the whole gruesome truth. That aside, Lyrithya seems to successfully spend more than 24 hours on Uncyclopedia every day and seems to be attracting the attention of the majority of the user base, like a lone woman in a room full of sexually frustrated quasi-rapists, which she is. But why not go and say hello if you haven't already? The response will baffle you, but that's half the appeal.... isn't it? Newsroom UnTune of the week Won't Get Banned Again

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1234 ~ 21:29, 30 December 2010

UnSignpost Delivery!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

Jan 6th, 2011 • Issue 102 • Just add Milk!

Wiki Update By Chief So it would seem, considering Uncyclopedia has successfully staggered its way into a new year (and its 6th birthday on Janurary 5), that everything is working as it should; this raises the question, why? Well, we at the UnSignpost love a challenge, so we have investigated the salt mines of Uncyclopedia to see the inmates users who are currently labouring in them to produce the site we all know and love. VFD is working splendidly and has recently held a minor games purge. If you missed out, shame on you. Watched over by Sycamore, it is edited continuously by a few others who have been hitting the random page button in search of crap to rewrite for months, if not years now. Over on UnNews, SPIKE is also labouring in the place of UnNews grandmaster, the right honourable Zim ulator. Meanwhile on pee review, Lyrithya and Black flamingo11 have been shouldering more responsibility than they know what to do with, reviewing and checking the infernal tables and generally filling the void left by somebody trying in vain to get a life. Now for a quick moment on the forums.... that's that over with. Recent changes is also empty because Socky has stopped categorising absolutely everything and everyone else is.... writing. Romartus is still shattering hopes and dreams on VFH and we hope to be able to bring you this exact same piece of news next year. The admins are of course splitting their time between overseeing the whole process and abusing their powers for giggles. If you work like a dog for Uncyclopedia and you haven't been mentioned here, it's nothing personal; it's just you aren't good enough our journalists are easily distracted by loud noises and flashing lights, so perhaps you live too near a lighthouse.... or a level crossing. From the desk of the Cabal:Compliance recommended for 2011 By Nobody It has not escaped the notice of the non-existent Cabal that Uncyclopedia has successfully survived another year, and the Cabal, of which there is none, orders all subjects to have a happy new year, or else. It would seem that you ignored our ruling of last year where we instructed you to comply at every opportunity and issued a decree banning drama. In 2010 we saw range blocks and epic ban sprees (to purge the ballot boxes and thus purify democracy), we witnessed mass deletions (necessary losses), we observed hundreds of forum topics declaring Wikia to be the worst (Wikia are to be obeyed despite this), we watched as you persecuted the weak, stubborn and female (to build the master race) and took note of your single success, that of closing the worst 100 reflections on 2010 before midnight on December 31st. This took you two years; it does not count. In short you have failed us again. So as 2010 fades into distant memory, we turn our eyes to 2011. We have the following advice: question nothing; you are meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend; remain indoors; do not attempt to remove the cameras from your dwelling they are for the protection of the community; drive safely; stay in school/work; shut the fuck up and go write an article; provide your bank details and PIN when asked. That is all citizens, you may now move freely about the complex.

Check out these pages! Writer of the Year Uncyclopedian of the Year Potatochopper of the Year It's here, but we're still confused! From our logs: 09:56, January 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Famine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (by blocking Famine, do I end world hunger? No need to thank me, just bring me a pork pie.) 12:35, January 5, 2011 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1.673 hours ‎ (For helping me with my email - smart arse.) 17:06, January 4, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.32.193.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (reverting admins and other experienced users for no good reason, also for annoying me on a tuesday, the worst day of the week to annoy me.) 23:05, January 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.32.193.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Stop that, on the path of the righteous edit warring is not, Swindon that way lies) 07:42, January 4, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.131.23.226 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (His habit of replacing words with "COCK," "JESUS" and "CHRIST" is so funny my hand slipped and accidentally hit the "BAN" button) Biopic of the Week This week, the UnSignpost has once again put off actually having to find out something about a user - going to their talk page, reading their articles; this is the same as work. Instead we have decided to biopic last year because that means we can make lots of generalisations and you all get to be included in the biopic, unless you joined in the last 6 days, in which case, where the fuck were you? In 2010, all sorts of fun things happened. We appointed new administrators, we reviewed lots, then we didn't review at all, we all left because of drama in summer, then we all came back again, then the FBI phoned An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and all the administrators started drinking even more, except Zombiebaron who came back and we all welcomed him, what a splendid fellow. We fought in the street, we fought on talk pages and we fought in the village dump, then we went to Wikipedia and fought there, then the servers broke so we all came back here and fought with Wikia. Then we sulked. Happy New Year! Mince Pie of the year UU ate more mince pies than anyone else over Christmas. Well done him, he wins at heart disease. We look forward to hearing of his premature death unloved and miserable thousands of miles from home.

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Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 09:52, Jan 6 2011 UTC

UnSignpost Delivery!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Jan 13th, 2011 • Issue 103 • Leave to stand for 5 minutes before consuming

Voting Frenzy By Chief It's that month again, the famous voting month when Uncyclopedians gather to air their opinions on the year that has been, user contributions or lack thereof and lots of other things. The difference between this and the continuous monthly evaluation normally going on is that now we have Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year to accompany our small selection of monthly awards/voting pages: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Of course it is the duty of every Uncyclopedian worth his/her salt to vote and have an opinion on each and every one of the above. Having no opinion is not an option; we can't afford such luxuries, not when the very fabric of our society hangs by a thread made entirely of voting pages. The UnSignpost has spoken to experts in voting patterns and strategies and they have instructed us to encourage each and every one of you to vote for whichever candidate you wouldn't like to not unwin again! It's that simple! A quick round up on our yearly awards: over on WotY Mhaille, Sog1970 and Aleister in Chains are slugging it out blow by blow for pole position. On UotY, some Spunk bubble has stormed ahead with Lyrithya in second place and all the other deserving candidates scrapping on the floor for... er scraps. On PotY Zombiebaron has taken a convincing lead. Since we failed to ask him to comment he might have said: "Braaaains, I shall consume all brains," which leads this reporter to comment that Zombiebaron may well be on the wrong website. The best articles of 2010 voting opens on the 15th of this month and will give the hardcore voters among you a chance to get stuck in again, but this time into people's articles rather than the people themselves. Regrettable, we know, but you can always nominate them for something next month. As the voting frenzy continues, the UnSignpost will continue to watch from a safe distance and will be on hand to comfort all the winners when they realise the best years of their lives have been spent essentially bailing out the Titanic with a small mug. The very worst of luck to everyone, and indeed everything, competing. Uncyclopedia is 6! By Chief It's true, it is. Six years of crawling around the back streets of the internet begging to anyone for cash/servers/food, regardless of how useful they may or may not be. That's right, everyone, you are aboard the good ship Uncyclopedia, the only wiki that has sails and a rudder and that's a fact. The UnSignpost won't be doing anything like making up poems or getting emotional and tender about Uncyclopedia growing a year older, since some people have already shown off what big girls they are by doing just that. A quick review of said poetry: Olipro thinks it's cool and manly to swear (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), Mimo&maxus thinks it's cool to be like Olipro (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), and neither of them are very good at poetry (this is true and their poetry sucks because of it). Happy birthday Uncyclopedia! At least we here at the UnSignpost did the manly thing of putting on a pink apron and baking you a cake.

Check out these pages! PLS Q&A Stuff you could be doing! Another voting page! How does it happen? From our logs: 21:30, January 10, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.210.176.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (OMG! THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WITH A DYNAMIC IP! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!) 02:50, January 10, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Posting a comment on a locked forum topic. You monster!) 16:23, January 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked FuuuD: (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Nobody cares about you, your school chums and/or their love of anal (except Olipro, he's probably taking notes)) 00:23, January 12, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.112.44.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Lovely, perhaps next time you are on the wiki we could have crumpets and discuss your crippling stupidity) 03:40, January 7, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.130.126.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This is probably the sort of thing you'll find funny: YOU'RE REALLY SMART... (pause) NOT!!!!) Biopic of the Week Instead of trying to give you clues, this week the UnSignpost is just going to come straight out and tell you whom we are using for the biopic. We won't mention that he was adopted by ChiefjusticeDS but overcame this disadvantage to actually be quite useful. We won't mention the fact that he can sing, read and play music. We won't mention his featured articles, his Pee Reviews, his userboxes, his permanently broken user page or how annoyed it makes him if you spell the second part of his user name wrong. We won't dance around the issue any further; we owe it to those of you who have busy lives and those of you who are reading the UnSignpost while your home burns around you not to mince words, so we won't, we are through mincing words; our words are so unminced they are still going "Moo" and eating grass. So now we have dispensed with all that time wasting nonsense we can tell you immediately and without delay that this week the biopic is about John Lydon. Newsroom UnTune of the week Are We Human Or Are We Cancer?

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Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 03:12, Jan 13 2011 UTC

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The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

Jan 20th, 2011 • Issue 104 • Whatever happened to Wagon Wheels?

PuppyOnTheRadio makes a discovery! By Chief Incredible, isn't it; we were pretty astounded ourselves... the UnSignpost actually has some news to report! Yes, everyone's favourite radio-fetishist canine has made the discovery of the century decade year week by coming up with a way to condense games down into one, two, three or even four pages as opposed to 167. This discovery has many benefits, none of which are likely to affect you, but it helps fulfil Uncyclopedia's green commitment by reducing internet congestion by quite a high number and it makes your work easier to destroy, thus breaking your spirit up to 50% quicker! This paper understands that the discovery occurred as PuppyOnTheRadio was sniffing spores, mould and fungus (as he does every Tuesday), when he accidentally sneezed mucus all over them. POTR then observed some remarkable effects as the games mould shrank down into one or two easy-to-manage pages piles. So if you witness some huge game purges going on, do not be concerned; it's just the administrators cleaning up after POTR; needless to say they hate him for this. You all think about that before you next consider doing something useful; all you have to gain is the eternal hatred of every active administrator, although if you really want that, he has posted some ads looking for help. Also yes, this paper is aware that the image accompanying this story is of Sigmund Freud as opposed to a real scientist; this is not because we don't know who he is, but simply because POTR has issues. Facebook for a day By Chief Those of you who arrived at Uncyclopedia on the 16th of this month may have noticed that the main page looked like Facebook. We here at the UnSignpost certainly did; we were celebrating the inevitable salaries, dental plans and offices with swivel chairs that inevitably come with people who have money being in charge when Zombiebaron told us it was just a reskin, what a jerk. The page has received high praise from the community, especially those who were in it. The brains behind it (and we use the term brains loosely) were Zombiebaron and Lyrithya, who spent a great deal of their seemingly limitless free time working on it. This newspaper can only assume they were both living off other people's money and not paying tax at the time, because if they contributed anything to society then they would have been slumped in front of their TV's, miserable and alone, frittering away their time on earth like the rest of us. Did we mention that they are probably in the country illegally? As per this newspaper's policy of forgetting to ask people for quotes in case they say something worth writing, we have simply observed Lyrithya (from a safe distance) to find out her feelings on the reskin. Don't do this, for your own safety. All she does is eat Cheetos and whine. Zombiebaron has once again obliged us by simply saying "Zombiebaron" in response to any question our reporters ask. All joking aside, the reskin was superb and a lot of hard work went into its creation, and not just from the two users mentioned. Others were involved in some of the jokes, creativity and stuff. Check the reskin out in the main page history if you missed it, or you can check out all the main page reskins in the reskin archive.

Check out these pages! The PLS..... again Wikia r teh suxx0rz!!!11!!one!! HELP!! Check out the toilet! From our logs: 6:53, January 13, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Ihatethisbloodysite (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (we're not too fond of you either) 11:09, January 17, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopedia Is Racist Towards Niggers (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (COON!!!!) 23:58, January 18, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.238.88.224 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (It's captain gaylord! Thank you for saving us!) 16:37, January 19, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.196.51.46 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (With a pottymouth like that Santa won't be bringing you any gifts this year) 18:58, January 19, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked ChíefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Fuck ChíefjusticeDS) 12:58, January 17, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.12.66.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (partly for vanity, partly for cyberbullying, partly just for being from Luton.) Biopic of the Week Anyone who has ever strode into the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is probably familiar with our user for this week. Not only does he seem to have been there since the dawn of time, but he never leaves the place. He is always there; he is to the IRC what lying is to politics, what dilithium crystals are to the starship Enterprise. Yes, this week it's finally time for a biopic on Olipro. Olipro has been here since... a very long time ago and is a great mystery to everyone; most people have no idea he is an administrator, most people have no idea that he considers a morning wasted if he hasn't called 5 people cockjockey by lunchtime. Olipro is one of those mysterious creatures who occasionally tinkers with important pages, occasionally drops by to tell his favourite users that they were born out of wedlock, and, if you rub the side of his magic lamp, occasionally produces pages of code to make the mining maintenance of the site easier. Chances are he has effected you in some way during your stay on Uncyclopedia, if not get yourself into the IRC and tell him that his username sucks balls; that way you are guaranteed the full, untainted Olipro experience. Newsroom UnTune of the week Middle-Aged Suburban White Guy Rap

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1234 ~ 08:14, 20 January 2011

User:Zim ulator/UnNews:Small god climbs into percolator, makes great coffee

You will have followed on VFD, a week later on VFD, and now on VFH, my assertions that UnNews:I sneezed was not about news, and did not read like news. The above submission, now mercy-moved to your userspace, reminds me that at least that other UnNews had a theme. No sentence of your UnNews relates to any other sentence--nor to the photo, which I like. Would you please keep working on this to try to make it say anything, about anything. Spıke ¬ 01:53 25-Jan-11

UnSignpost! Wheeee!

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Jan 27th, 2011 • Issue 105 • Do not try this at home!

Awards and Voting Update By Chief As the Uncyclopedian voting season draws to a close, the UnSignpost is proud to have spent a full ten minutes looking at the scores on the award pages so you don't have to! Over on Writer of the Year Aleister in Chains has taken a lead of two points over Mhaille and Sog1970 who are tied in second place with 9 each. It looks as though WotY is set to be a real roller coaster thrill ride as the frontrunners approach the final furlong, looking to be the first to vault the pommel horse of victory and ultimately hit it out of the park for a triple 20 score of 180, all without potting the black... or getting knocked off their broomsticks. Meanwhile Uncyclopedian of the Year is interesting, if only to watch Uncyclopedians revelling in a completely non-gay celebration of how fantastic everyone else is, all except the leader, ironically, who this newspaper maintains is a work-shy wank-stain on the pants of life. RadicalX of the Year is a Zombiebaron appreciation party and he leads his nearest competitor by 7 points. The Top 10 articles of 2010 is almost finished and the leaders of the pack are becoming apparent, with Suddenly, Raccoons leading the pack and Gay whales in Darfur and A wizard did it tying for second place. There has been some comment on this positioning: mostly screams of horror that an article comprising 6 words could possibly competing for best article of the year, sighs of resignation as it inches closer to actually achieving that end and the snorting guffaws of the people voting for it as they accidentally eat the ends of their fingers while eating crisps and try to cross busy roads without looking. UnSignpost Disclaimer: All scores are correct at time of writing, if they change, as they inevitably will, why not look at it as a metaphor for our inability to understand the universe as it changes around us and leave this story alone? Panic, despair and anguish By Chief It was a fine day, and then Wikia came. They destroyed that which we hold dear, had the tenacity to upgrade the site, kidnapped our children after we refused to pay them for piping all the rats out of town, turned all our clocks backwards 3 hours and worst of all they turned Mordillo into a newt... but he got better. Yes, this week has seen another Wikia update, and our roving reporters have taken to the streets, in flak jackets naturally, to investigate the chaos currently engulfing Uncyclopedia, as people wake up to discover the changes to bits of the site they never used. First of all we stopped by the Village Dump, where the peasants are revolting, and some people are quite upset about the new changes. Chief among those people is Dexter111344, starter of the forum topic Technical difficulties with Wikimedia updates in January 2011; we didn't bother interviewing him as he looked quite mean, though this periodical does observe that Dexter has been protesting against regular bathing for some time now and nobody else really wants to talk to him. If you aren't Spang, Olipro or Lyrithya you won't have a clue what is going on, so we have condensed it down into a suitably stupid phrase just for you "Shit dun' got fucked up". From here we dropped by Wikia headquarters and, once we had obtained docking clearance and the shield on the forest moon was deactivated, we were able to speak to Grand Moff Sannse about the changes. "DPL has changed with the latest version of mediawiki, it will need tweaking" she explained, clearly oblivious to the fact our journalist doesn't know what all those words mean and thinks DPL stands for Dragons, Pixies and Lions. Sannse went on to say that the userbase will need to contribute in order to get things back to normal, as our interview concluded she pointed out that "Trousers aren't needed, just knowledge," which will come as a shock to the active userbase who have been turning up with neither for several years now. Stay classy, Uncyclopedia, and watch out for DPLs. If you find something that is badly broken and adversely effecting the running of the site as a whole then contact an administrator or an Imperial Stormtrooper member of wikia staff, and no, minor aesthetic changes don't count.

Check out these pages: Best of 2010 Candidates! Alone in the Dark Scraggle Salamander Jewish Cuisine A Brief History Of Hot Bitches In Leather Kicking Ass Little Adolf's School Report Regular K Bond Villain BIBLE! From our logs: 07:01, January 22, 2011 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Iwillkillyou333 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron: This is a joke ban. Anybody who says it's not is a fucking liar. Now, start updating scores when you vote, or I will never ban you again. Ever!) 18:23, January 20, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.68.85.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (He is not God. God would be wearing a hat 14:56, January 21, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.44.241.22 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Crazy for "but sex," apparently. And bans.) 14:57, January 21, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 32 seconds ‎ (This Sycamore thinks he can just be "competent" and "Scottish". He'll have another think coming after I eat another jaffa cake.) 01:05, January 26, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked True mystery (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (YOU'RE A RIOT, TRUE MYSTERY, A REGULAR RIOT!!!!!!) Biopic of the Week Everybody likes magic; we here at the UnSignpost are firm believers in it as it delivers the periodical which you are currently perusing directly to your talk page every week! Brilliant stuff. The only person who likes magic more than we do is this week's user Magic man. He has even set up an award for the most magical user every month, because we are actually really short on silly awards like that. Besides that, Magic man has been a steady contributor to the site since June and has proved willing to help out where necessary; be it delivering the UnSignpost, frantically refreshing recent changes in search of creativity, sweeping, dusting, polishing and even writing articles. While he might not have penned thousands of featured articles, Magic man has proved to be helpful and more than willing to put in the hours, so by all means say hello to him and suggest he marry your sister when he has a free moment. Cajek Ban of the Week! 05:06, January 24, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (I am banning you because you edited Uncyclopedia) Newsroom UnTune of the week I Like Cats (The Other White Meat)

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1234 ~ 04:41, 27 January 2011 IT will need to me an article in the futureAimsplode 15:36, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Former Senate candidate O'Donnell under investigation

I found you a source for this, though it highlights that the story is a month after the fact. In fact, if O'Donnell is in prison already, the entire story might be moot.

Apart from the photo, this story hits my personal hot button at being too close to reality. The story's stock in trade is ridicule; and she was defeated for election by a campaign of very similar ridicule. It's hard to tell if you want us to laugh or you want her to lose--except, again, the story is way late. Spıke ¬ 17:21 28-Jan-11

I should have fired you when I had the power. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:56, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

You can still set him on fire, you know. Never rule that out. 1234 ~ 18:08, 28 January 2011

I have something infinitely more sinister planned for Spike... something to do with bats, no doubt. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:22, January 29, 2011 (UTC)

Translation, you are going to submit another deliberately incoherent article "for Spike," that is, to troll me. Just as Froggy says on his talk page that he reserves the right to violate any style rule if it gives him a chuckle. I give up. Good night. Spıke ¬ 01:00 29-Jan-11

Not at all! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:03, January 29, 2011 (UTC)

Spike, I'm pretty sure what Zim's thinking of doesn't involve UnNews, just bats... perhaps nibbling you to death, or something. Unless it's an UnNews involving that, but he already wrote one of those, so it doesn't seem that likely. *eyes zim ulator suspiciously* 1234 ~ 01:08, 29 January 2011

Bats are eating my legs! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:14, January 29, 2011 (UTC)

I didn't say it. 1234 ~ 01:29, 29 January 2011

Banning Aimsplode

Hooray for the ban! Look at his Contributions and virtually none are on content. However, Lyrithya and I debate what the effect (of various things) might be on his future behavior, on Mordillo's talk page. Spıke ¬ 17:59 28-Jan-11

I think I was pretty nice, giving him such a short ban. I will be less nice if he continues. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:01, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

On this transaction, I don't care about how nice or un-nice you are. Continuing discussions on Mordillo's and Zombiebaron's pages, the point is that a lot of our new, young users are coming here to chat and/or to have someone pay attention to them. A ban, even one that they are begging for, explicitly ask for, or richly deserved--especially when accompanied by a scolding--means that an Admin is paying attention to them. For a problem child, this is rich reward. Whether or not you want them to go away and write content, or just go away, the ban renders it less likely. Spıke ¬ 23:39 28-Jan-11

Uh... okay... Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:48, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

What did I do?? (literally, im not being sarcastic))Aimsplode 20:39, January 29, 2011 (UTC)

The specific offense I banned you for was your comment here. I have also heard rumblings about you from others. Consider yourself paroled, and please behave yourself. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:56, January 29, 2011 (UTC)

Sources

The deal with Froggy is that he had a joke Source and I changed it to {{Original}}, because the story was original. (I also moved his UnNews to eliminate excess capital letters, and that stands, so this isn't some sort of drama-fest.) This is Section 4.5 of UnNews:Style, Don't crack wise with the sources. It's not being "inflexible" to put an article in our style--as I did with yours, because you don't remember our new rule not to put names in bold. (That would be in your Pendaflex file under "dickery.") Spıke ¬ 23:39 28-Jan-11

Froggy notwithstanding, it seems I should reread UnNews docs. I used to use joke sources a lot. I didn't think it's dickery at all. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:47, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

No, no, by "dickery" I meant the drama over the change away from boldfacing.

Oh, that dickery. I wasn't clear. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:03, January 29, 2011 (UTC)

RecentUnNews

In other very recent news, I've changed the format of {{RecentUnNews}} by inventing {{RecentUnNewsItem}}. It works in the case in which any Audio is identically named to the story; otherwise, it has to be spelled out as before. Oh, and I got the Forum to agree that, despite deviating from the appearance of the Wikipedia main page, the entire line in {{RecentUnNews}} should be a link to the story and we should not expect the reader to know to click on the bold link, as opposed to the other links, which will send him to an article instead of the news. This is in Forum:Vote: Format of RecentUnNews. At the moment, {{RecentUnNews}} is up-to-date. Spıke ¬ 23:58 28-Jan-11

You're wrong.

About something. I forgot what. I was going to say this before, when I remembered, but then I forgot to. Oops.

In completely unrelated news, could you please put this: {{User:Lyrithya/Nothing/logo}} on your userpage? Pleeease? *kitty eyes* 1234 ~ 20:00, 30 January 2011