User:Zim ulator/archive11

Talk with reverend zim_ulator, Uncyclopedias official version of Walter Cronkite

Premier Deval Patrick of the Autonomous Federated Soviet Republic of Massachusetts is displeased with UnNews. See the Janitors Closet for Mr. Patricks letter to the editorl.

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The Right and Left Honourable Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator KUN EGA PC FP WotM HA is pleased to welcome you to his humble talk page.

UnNews:ATBF America should declare war on Silly Bandz!

God Almighty! Doesn't read like news! No exclamation points in headline! No policy recommendations in headline! And what the hell is ATBF? Alcohol, Tobacco, Bureaus, and Firearms? Spıke ¬ 19:24 1-Jun-10

ATBF is All Things Bat Fuck. It's a category and everything. My outrage required... nay, demanded the use of an exclamation point! Although, I do like your interpretation of ATBF too... I may use it in future to promote obfuscation. In the meanwhile, just keep thinking you have a grasp on reality, that it is I who am the bat fucked, and not you. Never you. I. Always I. Or is it me? I think it's me! So! des-ne! Avast, me hearty! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:08, June 1, 2010 (UTC)

I forgot about that acronym--so soon. Meanwhile, a fine collaboration with which to soil a previously empty talk page before a certain Puppy can come hump it. Spıke ¬ 20:40 1-Jun-10

Don't blame you. Agreed. In sum Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:56, June 1, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Fluffer allegedly kills 1, hurts 2 with steel toy

Hi Zim! I have a stupid problem. I tried to save an UnNews story named UnNews:Porn actor allegedly kills 1, hurts 2 with steel dildo and it would not let me save it (spam filter, adult content deal). So I changed the name to UnNews:Fluffer allegedly kills 1, hurts 2 with steel toy and it saved. I thought I did right. Then I noticed it had the old name that had got rejected!? So I checked history and no one did anything. So I checked the new name, and now there are two article – same – with different names. I thought this was rejected: UnNews:Porn actor allegedly kills 1, hurts 2 with steel dildo but it is undated and needs to be deleted. Also, now that UnNews:Porn actor allegedly kills 1, hurts 2 with steel dildo is some-how created it has no date. And spam filter won't let it be saved again to date it. when I tried to add the date it again won't save like before. So if you're going to use this it needs the date, or otherwise just be deleted. OR BEST, leave it as it is (which is post-dated 3 June) and delete UnNews:Porn actor allegedly kills 1, hurts 2 with steel dildo (which is undated). Thanks a million. Much appreciated. Cheers!--Funnybony    19:46, Jun 2

All taken care of. I hope I didn't butcher it too much. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:05, June 3, 2010 (UTC)

More file maintenance

Template:FrontPageMediaMenuBeta, the index to UnNews Audio, has been unused since February, when I copied it to a file named Template:RecentUnNewsAudio. Last week I edited your advice to new users (who seem susceptible to a suggestion that they do audios) to use the new name. Would you please delete the old one?

Also, it would make the name more descriptive if you would append "in Sestak-gate" to my UnNews of June 2.

On these last two stories, I've done my own highlight template. I don't plan to make this a habit, but in these two articles, a lot of the front material was straight, to explain the joke rather than tell it, so just grabbing the first three sentences or so for the lead on the Front Page would not have worked. Spıke ¬ 23:22 2-Jun-10

• done
• done
• S'OK for me, dude. I respect your initiative and opinion of the situation, and am pleased to have such a master tactician at hand. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:55, June 3, 2010 (UTC)

Indeed, never start a conspiracy without bringing along a Master Technician.

One other matter for which I require the Power Sysopic. Dexter asked me to start doing narrations, and I picked The Rescuers to do first. Roman Dog Bird had protected this page [edit=sysop] after my rewrite of it. The move is wise, and is directed against TinkyWinkyIsGay or whatever he decides to call himself next. But it means that I can't put the {{Listen}} template on it. Could you unprotect it overnight? Spıke ¬ 01:20 3-Jun-10

In the interest of not stepping on toes, I will gladly stick it there for you. Give me time-space coordinates and such, and I'll attend to it. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:47, June 3, 2010 (UTC)

OK; just insert the following at the start of the file, thanks: Spıke ¬ 01:56 3-Jun-10

Works fine! Thank you. Spıke ¬ 02:10 3-Jun-10

Always a pleasure servicing helping one of my favorite my sockpuppets. Glad to know you're enjoying Oregon. Sometimes I think of them as a mo' betta' Paul Winter Consort. Btw, my wife, sister zim_ulatrix, thinks our banter is wicked amusing. You'll be my cover when I'm out at the all-gay bestiality revue next week. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 02:17, June 3, 2010 (UTC)

Wow, a user's wife thinks something about Uncyclopedia is "amusing." I no longer feel that we have utterly failed. Spıke ¬ 12:33 3-Jun-10

HAH!!! from the two of us Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:37, June 3, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Britain condemned for rousting refugees

I have asked Bradaphraser whether this story is humor or merely allegory, and asked him to pick a title that doesn't piggyback off mine. Spıke ¬ 16:11 4-Jun-10 PS--Which he has now done. Spıke ¬ 17:26 4-Jun-10

UnNews:Sweet smoking Messiah returns

Obviously, no one on VFH took your threat seriously. Spıke ¬ 17:31 4-Jun-10

What threat? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:33, June 4, 2010 (UTC)

And I quote. "If this doesn't get featured, I swear to God , I'll start writing Jesus articles again".... Spıke ¬ 03:08 5-Jun-10

I completely forgot about that. I say many things that contradict one another, or that make no sense in context of other things I've said. Thanks for reminding me, though. I think it's funny. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:02, June 5, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, I wrote that article because I'd been wanting to use that pic for months now. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:16, June 5, 2010 (UTC)

I fear that the glitz of animated GIFs on the Front Page could distract from the nuts and bolts of good satire writing--but that one is a classic! I had always wondered what the point was of the heart a-flame in those portraits. Spıke ¬ 14:45 5-Jun-10

Agreed; I use animated gifs sparingly. I don't understand this obsession you have with "good writing" <wink wink, nudge nudge> Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:54, June 5, 2010 (UTC)

I like animated gifs! Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 00:23, Jun 9 2010 UTC

Kinda knew that. Spıke ¬ 00:38 9-Jun-10

circle jerk time!

When I first joined Uncyclopedia, you were one of the people I really emulated and looked up to. Hearing the kind of praise I did from you on my work is sincerely like the highest compliment. THANK YOU. Now then, do you have any tissues handy? User:Mrthejazz/sig 06:03, June 8, 2010 (UTC)

hah! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 11:02, June 8, 2010 (UTC)

Search for God

I'm wondering if this is featurable? I'm thinking if it gets through VFH then to create a dummy page that goes onto the fron page, making it look like a normal entry, but clicking on any of the links within the article (which will all look like either God or Search for God) goes to the actual article. What do you think? Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 00:22, Jun 9 2010 UTC

I say yes, with the caveat that it be made prettier (alignment problems with the check boxes, or is that my FireFox being a dick?), and I'll do it myself. Let's talk more about this. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:49, June 9, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not sure what you mean by the alignment problems, but I'll look into it. Thanks. Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 13:23, Jun 15 2010 UTC

UnNews:BP faces whims of American public

If you elect to feature this on the Front Page, the work for the template is already done in User:SPIKE/Oil Spill.

On my Obama story, the photo of Obama with a Cuban hat and a cigarette is not the one I chose, though it's not bad. {{Lead Article}} also specifies File:Obama.jpg. Is this your doing? My article specifies the same file and gets the laughing Obama. Spıke ¬ 00:22 9-Jun-10

Thanks for saving me a little work.

As for the pic, no it wasn't my doing... I was going to try and figure out what that was all about (magick?) but I haven't been feeling well, and got distracted. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:53, June 9, 2010 (UTC)

Promotion

Hi Zim, the Promotion you bestowed goes to Spike, who certainly deserves it (unless its a typo). Please let me know so I can congratulate him... Cheers! Dude!--Funnybony    08:50, Jun 9

Naw, I already got one, the epaulettes are right here on my uniform...well, on one shoulder at least. I'm sure the Chief put that notice on the right page and just failed to edit it from the last one he pumped out. Spıke ¬ 13:53 9-Jun-10

Sincere thanks

Seriously, this is much appreciated. Cheers!--Funnybony    19:54, Jun 9

You are sincerely welcome. <smirk> (can't resist smirking, I'm just that kind of a dick) Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:29, June 9, 2010 (UTC)

That thanks pic is now on my user page. Thanks. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:39, June 9, 2010 (UTC)

HAAA!! I love those little bugs walking around. Cool! Cheers!--Funnybony    07:53, Jun 10

Funnybony, could you shoop the text (to something like, "Thanks for a GREAT ARTICLE!") and dump an illustration at Section 3 of the Note From The Chief (UnNews:About)? Spıke ¬ 02:09 10-Jun-10

I like the way this devious plan is developing. What are we doing, anyway? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 02:30, June 10, 2010 (UTC)

Hi Spike! I'm not sure what you're referring to. Please clue me in... Cheers!--Funnybony    07:53, Jun 10

I was hoping you would prepare another version of this illustration, changing the text to something like: "Tiger, thanks for a Great Article! We offer you the UnNews salute" and dump into the UnNews intro page cited above. Seems like a fitting welcome for new users, in the section where we tell them what happens to crappy articles. Spıke ¬ 14:56 10-Jun-10

Sounds good, SPIKE. It could be useful for a number of things, like maybe my welcoming message. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:14, June 10, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Scientists dampen World Cup enthusiasm by concluding football really is just 22 men running around a field chasing a ball

How about retitling this to avoid telling the whole joke in the headline--UnNews:Scientists: Football really is just 22 men chasing a ball? Spıke ¬ 03:27 12-Jun-10

I see your point, I really do. I'm going to leave it because we are not the Onion. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:14, June 12, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Koreans furious after goal not shown

A template of this article can be copied from User:SPIKE/Sports Page. Unless you think its high quality would lead readers to think of a certain other humor publication we shall not name. Spıke ¬ 01:32 13-Jun-10

On your comment on VFH: Indeed, no UnNews should require that the reader read the Sources to understand the joke. Sometimes merely looking at the titles of the articles in Sources tells you what the real news was, by way of explaining the parody of it; for this reason I occasionally edit Funnybony, who changes the titles of the source articles.

The above UnNews didn't require that the reader watch a video clip (of whatever length) in order to understand it; I saw that it was humor by reversal of something that happened on British television. Still, the topic of "something I (or the BBC) found quaint as I was watching television" is humor that is not quite in the realm of common/shared experiences, and not our best for featuring. Spıke ¬ 17:24 14-Jun-10

Yeah, and sometimes I mix sloe gin with cough syrup for a more insane buzz. It was barely funny, but then, I am willing to be overridden by a few other UnNews readers and/or writers. In this case, it seems I am with the majority. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:48, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

help?

Have you the ability to retrieve the email I used to create Macro_bit

I'm not sure what you want, Macro_bit. Are you talking about your user page? That would be here. Also, please sign your posts, so that I don't have to track you down next time. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:31, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:UnSignpost is getting a facelift, and you can help!

Hey boss. Been thinking about USP, and I've started working on a variant of the previous format. One thing I was wanting to include in here is a topical UnNews story - something that would fit on half an A4 sheet if printed in an easy to read font. Because it will eventually be off-server stuff I'll need to get the author's permission on it as well. Can you think of a stand-out article over the past few weeks that would fit the bill on this? Thanks. Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 04:49, Jun 15 2010 UTC

Looking back over my stuff, UnNews:Mexican president lays out agenda for US is my best in the last month that is short enough for your use. It got five votes for honors; Monika criticized it as insufficiently developed, but that makes it better for you. Spıke ¬ 13:20 15-Jun-10

Christ SPIKE, nothing like shameless self-promotion... and it's not even on your talk page... and nobody solicited your opinion here! You've got Old Man of the Mountain balls, young man!

Actually, that is a pretty good story, Puppy Head. It may suit your purposes perfectly. Nobody has noticed, but my "work" has becoming more bizarre in the past few months; since I live here in my UnNews cave, and don't really talk much with many users, I don't know what the mood is towards my writing; thus I will not push my stories unless somebody knows my writing. SPIKE and Funnybony write some solid stuff, as do a smattering of others.

If you want other kinds of stuff, I can whore you the hundreds of my UnComics, and there are many other new sections that we'd love to have exploited and/or whored. I know, this has been no help. Sorry. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:15, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

Whoring myself to myself

Dude! You've contributed over two hundred comics to UnNews, and get almost no feedback whatsoever. That's like, every comic every day for the last 8 months or more. You poor bastard, you can't know if they're appreciated, or even read. Somebody should rectify this situation. Note to self: find efficient methods of whoring UnComics. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:53, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

Me, I try to read them. That's worth something. Spıke ¬ 20:50 15-Jun-10

I give you credit for the attempt, my friend. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:53, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

I read them sometimes. They give me happy for my happy times.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  18 Jun 2010 ~ 03:48 (UTC)

Move it again, please

Muzak is a brand name and should have a capital letter. Spıke ¬ 08:23 17-Jun-10

PS--How do you pronounce "Natalie Merchant"? I gotta do an audio of this. Spıke ¬ 08:49 17-Jun-10

I sit corrected, thanks for noticing my error. Pronounciation? You're kidding, right? Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:57, June 17, 2010 (UTC)

Dexter came to the rescue and it's now recorded. Spıke ¬ 20:39 17-Jun-10

And podcasted... Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:25, June 17, 2010 (UTC)

I thought the podcast was down forever. Spıke ¬ 22:44 17-Jun-10

Almighty Schlafly article and review

Nice one there, I can help you out with ur article if you want, I'm a uni student IN THE FUCKING UK so as you can imagine I have lots of time on my hands, and some knowledge of Conservapedia (I registered for a laugh). Feel free to retouch my userpage, whatever, I'm not really good with formatting as you might have noticed (new to wikis in general). I will follow developments of ur Assfly article! Now I enjoyed the review about "how to sound like you know stuff"; I was afraid it wouldn't be good material because I thought it was not blatant/direct LOL humour, but rather more subtle. Happy that an admin enjoyed it. I adjusted a few little things, and will work on it a bit more when I have some time, but I'm not familiar with categories, could you help me out on that one? In the hopes it might one day make feature material... Cheers and Godspeed --SonOfPhyllis 16:50, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

Happy to have made you happy. The Andy Schlafly article has been sitting there forever. I really hate the guy and everything he represents, but the muses will not oblige me on this one. Please have at it, if you like, and finish it if you will; I'll help, guide, or smoke a spliff and giggle if required. If you haven't made a pariah of yourself at Conservapedia, like one or two Uncyc users have in the past, maybe we can enlist you as our mole over there.

I will check out your changes, comment, add categories, and anything else I can think of for your article. At the risk of bypassing and undermining the carefully erected vetting system of UnCyclopedia and UnNews, and as acting Editor in Chief and Chief Janitorial Editor of UnNews, I officially invite you to write some UnNews articles. It's about time those smug wankers get a fresh infusion of writing. I may occasionally "spruce up" your user page for a bit, at least until you get your wiki legs. I will not be insulted if you reject anything I do on your behalf, and will possibly ask your permission before doing something. Welcome to Uncyc, glad to have you aboard. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:32, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

YourHowTo

You feel really good about your HowTo, plus its already a feature on HowTo. Would you like a go a VFH? I'll gladly nom it if you don't mind. Can't beat the price of admission. Cheers!--Funnybony    23:01, Jun 18

Thanks, that's really nice of you. If you did so, though, I'd hope you judge the article on its own merits, ignoring the fact that I am the next Walter Cronkite and you love me. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 04:07, June 19, 2010 (UTC)

How to do the ZIMBO: It's on to the races at VFH. I tried to fix the red link by adding New Mexico but couldn't edit..then I thought, perhaps, you wanted that damn place to be in red!? Anyway, good luck. It's a hoot!--Funnybony    10:08, Jun 19

Yeah, the red link is like the imperfection purposefully woven into a Persian rug, except that instead of representing perfection of God and the imperfection of man, I am expressing the Discordian idea of Chaos. I am pleased, amused, and thankful for your nomination. I'm not really an awards whore, but it amuses me that such a stupid (but still funny IMHO) article could possibly become a FA. I also get a warm, fuzzy feeling, like when I smoke purple Kush. Thanks. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:42, June 19, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Liberals force their own children to smoke the pot, blaspheme‎

No Jesus, but it is about reefer. Must be one of yours. I changed the caption. Spıke ¬ 12:49 19-Jun-10

Thanks for deigning to improve one of my articles. Great caption. I didn't realize anybody guessed that I use medicinal marijuana. S'true, my doctor is behind it all the way. A friend of mine has the prescription pills (used to be called Marinol) for his pain, and it's working well for him. Unfortunately, my pain requires a narcotic, so that's that. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention that, as much fun as I have playing the stoner, we smoke it medicinally. Of course, you're probably the type of prick who'd say, "suck it up! you can handle pain-induced vomitting, ya fucking woman!", since you're from NH. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:48, June 19, 2010 (UTC)

Mercy move

Obama article... Yeah you are right it's pretty shit. I was hoping to edit it some more! Thanks for moving it, it will become good material, guaranteed! --SonOfPhyllis 14:55, June 20, 2010 (UTC)

Excellent! Now, you are feeling sleepy... Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:57, June 20, 2010 (UTC)

10,000

• I hereby dedicate my 10,000th edit IN THANKS 2 U. Cheers!--Funnybony    16:37, Jun 20

Hello (late answering)

Sorry about the delay in responding, but as you can see, I'm user of Desciclopédia, the brazilian portuguese version of Uncyclopedia, and that's why I not enter much here.

You are correct. My name is inspired by the Alhazred's Necronomicon and the Mythos Cthulhu.

Sorry for my bad english. And thanks for the welcome!

Alhazred 00:50, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Always glad to hear from a differently-languaged Uncyclopedian. I feel so smart, having guessed about your user name. Please do not apologise for your English; you should hear my Portuguese (I think I remember how to curse out my next door neighbor from the Azores, but that's it; and they're the best neighbors, so I get no practice). In fact, one of my favorite Uncyc articles is written in bad English and makes no sense. Check this out, you might be amused. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:28, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

PS - Cthulhu rocks! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:34, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Actually Cthullhu devours, mostly souls. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Actually, the name of my band is "Cthulhu's Ballsack", so Cthulhu both devours souls and rocks. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:23, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Another award

Thank you for the thingie yesterday. Whatever it was.

Romartus continues to write good World Cup stuff (after copy editing) and I changed the Nav Bar to temporarily hype his work--most of the recent stuff on the Sports Page concerns the World Cup. Also changed your three Sections to call the Nav Bar in suitable colors. Spıke ¬ 13:58 21-Jun-10

The "thingie" you so disdainfully refer to is a special award I made, just for you, expressing my non-gay love for you and your efforts, specifically the huge donation of content to UnNews audios, and all the other shit you've done for audio stuff. You keep stacking up Goldstein awards, so I thought I'd make you something different to show off, acknowledging you above and beyond your thus-far-accumulated awards. Verstehe?. And by "non-gay", I'm not just talking about flamers and poofs; the whole hetero-man-love thing that goes on in various organizations creeps me the fuck out.

Good call, adding the World Cup to our humble menu. Thanks for the fixes to "my" sections too. You rock, almost as much as Cthulhu's Ballsack. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:34, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

"Some douche"

Now a turtle in UnFunnies refers to UnNews being called "the UnOnion," which a Google search shows no one other than you is doing. And then I take it there is an article in the HowTo space about how to be you. Have you run out of interesting topics other than yourself?

You've stumbled upon one of my insidious plots; meta-vanity. Believe it or not, HowTo:Be Reverend Zim ulator was a feature in the HowTo space. Success! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:35, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

Separately, on today's UnNews:A steamroller ran over my kitten while I was fucking it, the author is talented (especially in the paragraph on reinflation), but every near-contact with him makes me wonder whether his interest in Uncyclopedia is mainly as a worldwide forum on which to tell dirty jokes. Spıke ¬ 20:11 22-Jun-10

Yeah, a mercy move is in order. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:35, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

To have a worldwide forum to tell dirty jokes? And your point is? Aleister 16:10 23 6 MMX

Meh, fuck the forum. All of Uncyc is a forum for potentially dirty jokes. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:00, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Thousands storm Gulf Coast for free oil

Anon has a novel take on the oil spill--I cleaned it up, recycled a photo, and gave it today's date. After you are done re-headlining it for capitalization, and perhaps finding a better photo, I'll put it on the Oil Spill index. Spıke ¬ 15:45 23-Jun-10

Nice page by anon. After you guys settle on a name I'll pop it in a link in Guildy's and my VFH nominated poem (not whoring, if I were whoring I'd whip myself silly. Ow! Ow! Hee hee and other silly sounds.) where I've also been collecting all the news stories on the "spill" by linking them. Maybe I'll do one of these stories too soon. Maybe having Hayward sail his yacht into the Gulf, have some adventures, and then have it plug the leak by sinking. Nice work on the archive, by the way. Al 16:06 23 6 MMX

SPIKE rocks, does he not? Go to his user page and vote for everything... he's up for everything this month. Hayward, huh? Why not? he's got the focused hatred of a nation on him already, may as well have some fun with him. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:10, June 23, 2010 (UTC)

Or maybe poor, insubordinate General McChrystal is allowed to keep his job--but forced to go down to the Gulf and scoop up the tar-balls--Every Last One. Spıke ¬ 16:11 23-Jun-10

UnNews:Afghanistan general Stanley McChrystal angry with Obama

Nope. This story doesn't just need loving clean-up, as the template says. It needs huffing, and in the gentlest way to avoid losing a new scrubber for good. He hasn't completed the formatting of his story, and the story itself is nothing but a Russian Reversal of the McChrystal/Obama news (pre-resignation), which I already covered, but author can't be bothered to scan for that either. Spıke ¬ 02:32 24-Jun-10

The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches By UU Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so By PuppyOnTheRadio It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandipedia? Fuck... Uncle Dex needs ideas for business cards Wait, we seriously have a store now?! From our logs: 06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots) 00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.) 09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that) 15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!) 05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei) Old-School Featured Article of the Week UnMysteries:J'accuse Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning. International Sporting Tournament of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that? Missed anniversary of the week Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347 The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

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A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:30, 24 June 2010

Horace Donald Lynchable

Hello Walter. This jerk, Horace Donald Westenchester, went through almost every feature nom right after the other voting no, in one or two a minute. Can we just revert those votes? I'm emotionally involved with Guildy and I's Well-Oiled Bird page, and have married it, so it's hard enough for a poem to get real voters to let a vandal maybe take a feature away. Thanks, Aleister 00:36 25 6 MMX

Investigating... Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:37, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

I always knew Cronkite was an investigative reporter. But I liked him best as the voice of Ben Franklin on that American Revolution cartoon series. Al 00:40 6 MMX

As the "Limbaugh to [Zim's] Cronkite," I must say--I hope you both fail!!! Spıke ¬ 00:43 25-Jun-10

Upon cursory investigation, this guy is being a Dick. See also Section 23 above. Spıke ¬ 00:47 25-Jun-10

. . .and that's the way it is, June 25, M M and X Aleister 00:49 6 MMX

I only gave him a one day ban... to nice? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:53, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Wayyyy too nice. In fact you should give everyone who voted against my beloved wife a one day ban. Anyway, do we let his votes stand or are they reversible? Do we wait for his defense (speed reading?)? (?) ?. His actions are as bad as, imnho, as users voting "For" as an IP. Oh well. Al 1:03 25 6 MMX

Upon further consideration, I concur. If I cannot do it myself, I will ask someone more competent to reverse the votes. Who's your wife again, Al? My wife is sister zim_ulatrix, high priestess of zim buddhism. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 02:09, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Bastard gets two weeks. I'll undo those votes. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 02:22, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

I recently married my most recent VFH nom, who I share with Guildy (sort of a Mormon-type arrangement). This created quite a bit of news in my local township, a man has never married a page before. Lots of blowback from the clergy, and from the anti-literacy crowd, but what can I say, love conquers all. And what about Funnybony's newest page, the K2, that's going to go over almost everyone's head, a crazy and sane article. Way back machine. . .Al 2:26 25 6 MMX

It is worse than voting as an IP. IPs are told we don't know who you are and will weight your votes accordingly. They might be legit, they might be sockpuppets, it will depend on what you say to defend your vote. A registered user who enters the vote on a couple dozen of the most promising new articles and sees fit to vote against all of them is baying at the (now-full) moon. I didn't see any rationale given in the votes I looked at, and I read Al at one point protest that there was none anywhere. That's vandalism. Spıke ¬ 04:03 25-Jun-10

unFA

Hi Zim! Why have you had no FA? Mine came with a lot of help. Can you show me what you consider your best shot, and maybe I and Al can fix it up and Nom. Man, with 17,000 edits and your fine taste, you should get an FA. I'll help. Also, you should vote more on VFH as that gives more support from other writers. For example, I have a couple NOMs up now that would suck dong for a YES vote - hehe! Cheers!--Funnybony    20:37, Jun 25

Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not so much a writer, but more of a bat fuck content generator. You're very sweet to offer, but I honestly don't believe I've written anything featurable. If I ever do, I'll certainly whore it to you first. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:55, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Zimbo! I am not good enough musician to make a one-man band, I'm not good enough businessman to run a business by myself, nor I'm a good enough writer to get an FA. All of these are accomplished by cooperation with others. Maybe as an Island you and I are unworthy writers for FA, divided we fall, but united we stand. I would love to work on one of your older articles, which you recommend. Two heads are better than one - stereo. Please give me a chance. If you don't mind. Cheers--Fbony

OK, I surrender! I've written quite a bit since 2006, although much of it is not so much writing as "content". Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 15:34, June 28, 2010 (UTC)

Can I have a go at getting this in HIGH gear?--Funnybony    19:19, Jun 30

By all means, do go ahead! That Bibleman dude is for real, by the way. cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:44, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Should it be based on Christian ethics? Like, my Dad is agnostic, but he has ethics. If Christian ethics we just need a list, and the bat fuck it up! Cheers!--Funnybony    13:38, Jul 1

Maybe some sort of connection with the weirder versions of Christianity; the people in Uganda who want to execute homosexuals, Jehovahs Witlesses, Mormons... my 2 cents. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:25, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Cool! OK, lets do a mix list. If you can write a ZIM Buddhist list of top 10 Ethics that is bat fuck insane, I'll gather a few others lists. and we can put them all together, bat fuck them up, and then delete the ones we don't need (or could be objectionable on VFH). Then we'll be rocking!--Funnybony    20:30, Jul 1

Hi Zim, sorry about all the damn edits that might be flooding your email. I'm not sure if you like the way Bat Fuck Ethics is shaping up. Please let me know which way you would like to take it. And once I know then you could unwatch that page (possible?) until I make more progress. Its possibly an epic. It doesn't even start the ethics until after the intro, so only a few there so far to fuck with. Cheers!--Funnybony    20:42, Jul 2

Please, nothing to apologize for. There's some funny ideas bubbling in the pot for sure. I don't know how I feel about relating it to zim-derived entities, though, especially on the heels of my HowTo:Be zim. I will comment in future on the talk page of the article, where this discussion is... Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers

What?

Not trying to start something, but why should a vote be invalid because a user has been banned? It sounds stupid, and if I'm wrong, please explain.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 00:54, June 26, 2010 (UTC)

That's a perfectly legitimate question. Voting for anything on Uncyc is a privilege Privileges are granted to people we believe we can trust. Registering is a token of trust, telling us you wish to be included in our group, and want communication in both directions. Another consideration is that an IP vote could be the same person voting from different locations. For example, I was reasonably sure that you are indeed not trying to start something, as you say, because you're registered, and I can find out easily what kind of a user you've been in the past. Shit, I'm not used to being so serious... Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:44, June 26, 2010 (UTC)

But I am. If we're still talking about the same thing, you'll want to read Section 27 above: the rollback was not for being banned; the rollback and the ban were both for voting in bad faith. Mr.N. once banned me merely for voting on VFD merely to keep a ballot alive to troll for volunteers for a project. In other words, casting votes not for the purpose for which the vote was held. Spıke ¬ 18:39 26-Jun-10

Sorry SPIKE, but you've lost me. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:44, June 27, 2010 (UTC)

Don't know how--if Iwillkillyou333 is talking about the rollback of Westenchester's slew of undefended votes against every article in VFH, which Aleister protested in Section 27 above. If we are not talking about that, I am off the wall and will politely bow out of this discussion. Killyou, did I lose you too? Spıke ¬ 03:10 27-Jun-10

Who's "Walter"? Spıke ¬ 03:11 27-Jun-10

We're talking about anon IP votes, not that twit. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers

oops, I guess we're not. I haven't been feeling well lately, so I'll blame it on that. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:15, June 27, 2010 (UTC)

I didn't undo his votes because he was banned, I banned him for voting in a seemingly random fashion with no explanations. He'd also done other things that made me suspicious of his character. Then I undid his votes, told him why on his talk page, because voting is a privilege, and all that. Cheers Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:23, June 27, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Obama doodles random shit

My comments are on its talk page. This doesn't even qualify as Bat Fuck Insane. Spıke ¬ 13:39 28-Jun-10

Jeez, Spike! Someone Nomed it, and after a few days its at 250% health. Man, is this a sick baby or superman?--Funnybony    19:26, Jun 30

By God - it's featured. Man, Spike, may be you live on another planet, or somethin'. BTW: Thanks for your kind vote on the Foolitzer. Jeez, I feel so friggin' unworthy. Cheers!--Funnybony    20:27, Jun 30

It's a travesty to feature that dreck! Since Uncyclopedia is the worst, however, I see no violation of Uncyclopedian logic. Maybe I live on the planet next to SPIKE. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:47, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Now that I think about this, on the basis of this getting featured, I should have 87.53% of my articles featured. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:48, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

I 3rd that notion. I think Post Apocalypse is 1000 times better than feature in question. I must live on another planet too.--Funnybony    08:16, Jul 1

Again, I stated my case against the piece, on its talk page, and the only rebuttal was Mordillo telling me I did not have the stripes to criticize a clique comprising a few Admins. There are many gripes about Obama, but that he "doodles random shit" is not one of them, and in fact better criticizes the uninspiring opposition. Likewise today's first UnNews ("Fuck Republicans"), a single dirty joke given in all its permutations. At last night's amateur baseball game, I turned a couple 70-year-old ushers onto this site, and cringe to think this is what will greet them. And we have Colonization Week upcoming, where tons of pages will be vandalized by editors preoccupied with padding their count.

Writing here is fun. Worrying about what is on the Main Page or who wins votes would be pure frustration, and that is why I never vote except at VFD, and there only to find raw meat to rewrite. But, yes, almost anything on my user page is more feature-worthy than the above. The only vote I need is that often, after I hit a page, the trickle ceases of Anons who think they can improve it. Spıke ¬ 13:16 1-Jul-10

Hi Spike! Sure, I agree your material is better. When that first got nommed I didn't even give it a thought. Then I was amazed to watch it fly at light speed to an FA. I blinked it was a Nom, I blinked again it was featured. Whew! Beats me how that happened? Cheers!--Funnybony    13:31, Jul 1

You shameless whore! you should write Oscar acceptance speeches for a living! ("I never expected--this!)

None of the above means I would turn down a nomination for a sixth Manny, in about a week. Even though Dex has said on my talk page that he'll kill me if that happens. Spıke ¬ 13:50 1-Jul-10

Romartus for Foolie

And none of the above keeps me from sticking my two cents in, and my two cents is that Romartus is the current favorite for July Foolitzer, as I don't need another one and it would only go to Funnybony's head. Romartus has increased the frequency of his dispatches and recently has performed the key function of bringing the Sports Page from that abyss that the English mistakenly call football, with a double shot including a "Tigger Woods" sequel. Award should include a handsome, bound copy of the Style Guide with the parts about quotes and about not developing a story in mainspace marked with highlighter. Spıke ¬ 15:58 1-Jul-10

What Mordillo said

Spike, I had said nothing of that sort. What I said is that it seems to me you assume that your standards are far superior than the rest of the site's writers and because of that articles that do not conform with your standards, do not have the right to survive. It's smug remarks such as "most of what I have on my page is more feature worthy" which infuriate me. That and the little essay you wrote on Funnybonny's writing abilities or their lack of in last month's Foolitzer. You have same rights as every other writer here. You do not, however, get to play all high and mighty when a respectable group of Uncyclopedians have decided to run an unorthodox writing contest and produced a different set of articles from what you believe they should be. "I would recommend our usual solution, a "mercy move" to someone's userspace to see if it can be polished into an UnNews. Don't care who nominated it for what" does not fly with me as you are not "better" than the writer or the nominator of this article, regardless of what you may think. On top of that your ideological refusal to do anything about this article, which you consider sub standard, ie - voting it down on VFH or nominating it on VFD strikes me as "I'll sit on my throne and show the plebs of their erronous ways". This is a DIU community - you don't like something? Don't make speeches, don't humiliate other users, fix it. I think you've proved that ability already, so I really don't get where this approach is coming from.

I did not say I'm a big fan of that article, but it has a right to exist and featured on Uncyclopedia, if the community believes so. And you live within this community, not above it. ~ 16:20, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

First, thanks for the compliment on my editing ability.

Mine was not a fair summary of what you said; it is colored by the thing that infuriates me--the recurring mention of rank, as though involvement of an Admin immunizes an article from criticism.

There is indeed no absolute right or wrong way to do things. But given a value--which, for a writer, is inducing a response in the reader, and for an Uncyclopedia writer, is thus amusing the reader--there is a right or wrong way to achieve it. Consequently, there are a few things I'm certain of: that an article that relates to the reader's (real) world is better than an article that doesn't; that an article that has a palette of jokes is better than an article with a single joke in several permutations.

Funnybony, for example, has by this measure gotten better in the last six months. His current UnNewses are written with the reader in mind, whereas I thought much of his early stuff was written mostly with himself in mind. And I don't mind saying so, nor saying how he could improve further. Getting better is also, under nearly all value systems, a good thing.

The above, to me, is self-evident. If it is not self-evident to others, and if I cannot make it evident by persuasion, then there will be no huffing, banning, or threats of work stoppage. It is not idle; I get down in the trenches and repair and collaborate (though recently, I corrected the use of a wrong word in "who wishes to remain anomalous"--and was reverted--the author knows what he has in mind, and the reader never will).

My certainty about the above is not smugness or a desire to live "above...this community." I will be certain until effectively rebutted--even if it displeases the uncertain. Spıke ¬ 13:38 2-Jul-10

All the news that's unfit to print!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed! By UU Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community. We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages! Tell me about your mother Fantasy (American) Football is back! (Oh yeah - I went there) Open the podcast bay doors, Skull... From our logs: 09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you) 20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. ) 16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version) Biopic of the Week What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands... By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either. Old-school featured article of the week Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool. This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeXBox360 12:04, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

With sincere thanks

Foolitzer thanks with a debt of gratitude!

--Funnybony    14:40, Jul 1

Congratulations; well deserved for lots of good conbutions. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:53, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

Google goes gay UnNews

Hi Zim, Opps! It's up, the link is right, but the text needs to be changed on the UnNews Homepage for that article, as they don't match up. Just a small oversight to tackle. Thanks, Rev! Cheers!--Funnybony    18:20, Jul 4

Modus got it. Ain't he awesome? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:20, July 5, 2010 (UTC)

You're too nice

Hi Zim! Man, I am really flattered with a 3rd Nom. I don't deserve it this time even if I did deserve it, ahh, or somethin'. But Spike for sure should get it, simply because audios are 100 times harder than written news, and he is senior to me on UnNews. If he doesn't get it this month, I'll nominate him again and again until he does. Others also deserve one much more than I deserve 2 (or 3). But the Nom itself is almost as good as winning. And I'm really thankful. If I worked for a Newspaper, and my job was to make one single story per day,I'd think that to be an easier job than being a fireman in Atlantis. So I'll try to send in one every day. Though I notice that UnNews has gotten much more input this month already, which is progress. Variety is the spice. Stay well! Cheers!--Funnybony    16:25, Jul 7

If I were an admin worth my salt, I'd nom everybody who writes 3 or more good stories a month. Unfortunately, I am extremely lazy. You're always so happy to take compliments and such... Prozac? ;) Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:07, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

Funnybony, assuming you got a third Foolitzer nom, audios are not 100 times harder than written news, because the written edition is already written. Audios are just recitation, plus a heap of digital editing, as I am nowhere as good as the finished product sounds. I should get a Manny for audios.

Separately, I don't think seniority should be a factor in creative decisions, a subject about which I have just jousted with the Chief on my talk page. Foolies should go for quality (over quantity). But the Chief is notorious for making sure all the studs in his stable win blue ribbons early and often.

I will also disagree with the statement that variety is the spice, although I know two Admins who disagree. I don't pee into the crockpot for the sake of either variety or spice. Spıke ¬ 17:33 7-Jul-10

Ah, sure, Spike! Whatever you say! I'm on your side! I remember that 'playing' a song was about 100 times harder than writing it, and vise versa, as well, too, already. Cheers!--Funnybony    18:07, Jul 7

FB, you do know that Foolitzer has nothing to do with audios right? That's the EG prize, and audio versions should not be considered as an indication for the Foolitzer, only writing. ~ 18:22, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

Mordillo makes a good point; one which I was too baked tired to remember and point out to you. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:48, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

Signpost: normal service resumed

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway? By Under user The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it? Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective By UU Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat. Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages! Yes, it's fucking political... I, er, won't survive? Everyone's a winner baby From our logs: 03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules) 21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen) 18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war) Biopic of the Week In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days... Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream. So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book). Old-school featured article of the Week A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week 12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

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Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 10:47, Jul 9

thanks

the original story was [[1]]  ~  The*  (say shit) (My train wrecks) Π   ~ 

You're welcome. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:14, July 10, 2010 (UTC)

Formatting problem

Featuring the Vuvuzela story is screwing things up because of the long "words." Spıke ¬ 01:00 10-Jul-10

Yeah, I know... I decided to live with it. It's not a bug, it's a feature. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:34, July 10, 2010 (UTC)

Upon further review, please discount my comment--It's working worse for me than for most people (small column is wider than large column), but mainly because I choose to view Uncyclopedia in 12-point text. Spıke ¬ 11:31 10-Jul-10

I had already discounted your comment, and am now working on Cthulhu-Jesus... you have been warned. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 12:16, July 10, 2010 (UTC)

Oh well...It's a slow news day. Spıke ¬ 13:14 10-Jul-10

It's a good day for Cthulhu-Jesus-related UnComics. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 13:39, July 10, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Anne Frank story set to launch as comic book

Thank you for the illustration! (Was "comic book" today's Magic Woid?) Spıke ¬ 23:58 10-Jul-10

My pleasure. An UnNews article without a pic is an intolerable state of affairs, is it not? You win $50. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:01, July 11, 2010 (UTC)

I don't have the tools nor the clip-art library to do good photos, and it would take two hours for me to do justice to a one-hour article that will survive for perhaps one day. I almost always grab a thumbnail from a newspaper web site or see what Google serves up. Now, I ain't mentioning the name of any tear-inducing vegetable, but if we some day specialized to the point that a designated person with the Gift went to my articles and shooped up photos that were actually funny, that would be an improvement! One more for our nonexistent Job Openings template? Spıke ¬ 13:39 11-Jul-10

I don't blame you a bit; I've never actually had to patience to work on PSing an image until it's something I can be content with, quality wise. I do occasionally make a shitty shopped pic, but I am realistic in my understanding that it's a piece of crap. I do my comics and last pic for you at Stripgenerator.com because it's easy, free and makes me look better than I actually am. You probably already know this, but for a story that's not terribly time sensitive, you can go to RadicalX's Corner (or Image Request). I understand it's become pretty active there again.

Yeah, job openings and advertisements are things I've been thinking about, but have been too lazy to work on. Eventually, perhaps... Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:20, July 11, 2010 (UTC)

I had forgotten there was such a request service. But, as you mention, it might not be compatible with our de-facto motto: Bang It Out. FYI: 17:00 game today at Stoklosa. Spıke ¬ 15:07 11-Jul-10

You got a good UnNews audio with explosions?

We need an UnNews audio for this week's podcast we're recording over Skype (which you can join by clicking here if you have Skype installed), and we want it to be about explosions. I also want your crazy ass on Skype cause you're awesome. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 02:39, July 14, 2010 (UTC)

• I'm having sound problems at the moment, but coincidentally I am close to a solution as of this morning. Thanks for the compliments, and the invitation. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 02:41, July 14, 2010 (UTC)

My UnNews Audios rarely have sound effects, but the last one Mordillo did (about 4 months ago) had plenty of explosions. Spıke ¬ 13:49 14-Jul-10

PS--It's Media:No news good news.mp3. Spıke ¬ 19:27 14-Jul-10

You, personally, averted the Apocalypse

Post Apocalypse made it in to cue, thanks to you. Now there is no chance it will happen.

Much thanks--Funnybony    16:13, Jul 15

Cool! Congrats, dude. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:14, July 15, 2010 (UTC)

Another UnSignpost! Rejoice!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

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Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands By UU Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure. We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration By UU The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?" The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages! Please not Stephenie Meyer, Please not Stephenie Meyer... Lazy journalism. Which is something we never indulge in Kicking on with another bandwagon From our logs: 23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.) 15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?) 14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.) 14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.) 06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas) 19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS") 01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.) Biopic of the Week Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath. Old-school featured article of the week The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley. Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them. Cajek ban of the Week 10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:48, 16 July 2010

Hi Zim!

The News, UnNews:Swiss free Polanski after US refuse to extradite rapist keeps getting vandalized by a cook (unregistered user). Is it possible for you to put a 'Registered User only edit' lock on it? MUch appreciated, the 3rd Bardo, it is. Hope all is well dude! Cheers!--Funnybony    08:59, Jul 17

Done. Hey, want something to improve? Cthulhu-Jesus. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 13:31, July 17, 2010 (UTC)

Rev! You're awesome!!! Thanks much. OK, I'll look at the Cthulhu-Jesus - is it up for Pee Review? Is this official? NO!? Good! Casual.. Cheers!--Funnybony    15:39, Jul 17