User:SPIKE/UnNews

"My name is Spike...No, seriously."

The Foolitzer Prize March-August-November 2010 E G A E D M The Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation Feb-Mar-Apr-May-Jun-2010 Jul-Aug-Sep-Oct-Nov-2010 Jan-Feb*-Mar-11 Article Narrator of the Month Jun-Jul-Oct-Nov-2010 Feb-2011

I started writing UnNews releases in February 2010 and recording audio versions later in the same month. I recorded all 11 audio releases on UnNews in that month, which made me a lock for the Goldstein award. There is no better way to earn a Manny than for no one else to qualify.

I've done about 15 audios per month since then, while the rest of the Uncyclopedia community has obligingly left the field entirely. In June, Dexter, who had revived the lost art of narrating articles, suggested I could be Narrator of the Month if I'd crank out three of them, and that was habit-forming too.

In September, 2010, the Reverend Zim ulator abdicated as the Chief of UnNews over a call for a vote on his typographical affectations and a technical rewrite of the Front Page. Drama and dickery ensued and he is now a larger fish in a smaller pond. I have been laying out the Front Page in his absence.

This page lists all my UnNews contributions, and is the place to discuss the text and audio versions. New topics at the end, please.

• Back to my general talk page
• Back to my user page
• Archive 1 of this page--Feb-10 through Jun-10
• Archive 2 of this page--Jul-10 through Dec-10
• Vote for me for the Manny for April and May--avoid the last-minute rush

Contributions

2012

November 24	UnNews:Boxer Camacho dead at 50
October 26	UnNews:Hurricane Sandy diverts attention from election
October 18	UnNews:Windows 8 baffles users; but, screw 'em!	(Audio)
	UnNews:Regulators seek to make air travel deadlier
October 14	UnNews:Prof sues law school for bias against conservatives Featured 23-Oct-12	(Audio)
October 10	UnNews:U.S. State Department reverses opinion on Benghazi
October 8	UnNews:Democrats preemptively explain poor Biden debate
October 2	UnNews:Gunfire near Arizona border blamed on Univisión
September 19	UnNews:Romney campaign struggles to recover from "gaffe-filled" luncheon
September 17	UnNews:Spontaneous violence spreads to Kazakh embassy
September 14	UnNews:Riots spread across Arabia protesting American cinema	(Audio)
August 30	UnNews:Romney/Ryan to re-institute Negro slavery Featured 19-Sep-12	(Audio)
July 20	UnNews:Romney: "Obama-care is a ham sandwich"

---

2011

but wait--there's more!

Format

Content

Almost all my UnNews releases key off an actual piece of news, typically taking an item from the Associated Press and either misinterpreting it or carrying it to its logical conclusion. I strongly think that is what UnNews should be--as opposed to someone with a wacky idea incompletely putting it into news-release form to flog it (and himself) on the UnNews audience. (The Reverend Zim says my opinion aligns with the original UnNews concept, but his valid opinion is, essentially, Let a Thousand Flowers Bloom.)

Audio

The ASR33 TeleType is a staple of any good newsroom. (Internet? What's that?) WINS 1010 KHz in New York City still uses the sound effect behind its news reporting.

My UnNews audio features use a mix of the British UnNews theme jingle that I fade into a TeleType sound effect. They end by repeating the British theme, truncated and with a faster fade-out. My sports features start with Pennant Fever, composed by James Newton Howard for the movie Major League.

Signature lines

My features begin by reading the headline and then adding, "Stay tuned--for UnNews!" which is a parody of radio commentator Paul Harvey. They end with the catch-line, "This has been UnNews, a service of Uncyclopedia. Straight talk from straight faces."

Other commentators can copy and use any of the above. They are not "official" UnNews Audio tag lines and no one is required to use them, nor to follow any rules except to be funny. The finale, "My name is Spike. No, seriously" is not adaptable to other news readers, unless your Uncyclopedia handle is also what people call you in real life, in which case I pity some of you. My first couple of audio features ended with the tag line used by The Reverend, "Thank you for suffering!" However, I regard this as his personal signature, and have ceased to steal it now that I have something equally good.

Running jokes

My UnNews features have repeated the following jokes:

• The Republican Party is "the minority party, whose name could not be determined," or something similar; likewise the names of its leaders, to mock them for not standing up to Barack Obama during all of 2009, when he had Godlike popularity.
• In audio features, "Washington D.C." becomes an adoring "Washington, the capital," recalling Jackson Browne's Lawyers in Love.

In early features, the audio anchor (perhaps like Ted Baxter on the Mary Tyler Moore Show) was inexplicably unable to pronounce "Massachusetts." I gave up on this because it merely seemed like a flub unless the listener knew the joke.

Audio setup

I record the audio features into WAV files using sound recording software on a Toshiba laptop. I read the UnNews page from the screen of another laptop, on which WinAmp plays the theme and sound effects. WinAmp and my voice are analog mixed, and my voice is given echo, by a Sansui stereo component. The finale (a repeat of the British UnNews theme with a voiceover) is canned. I digitally edit the result to remove stuttering, any excessive pauses, and flubs. Digital processing ensures that the files start and end in perfect silence, while the TeleType effect hides any background noise.

Audio--Technical details

An audio editor on Win98, showing (in green) the audio contents of a monaural (single-channel) WAV file at about the right volume level: The highest peaks and valleys just touch the edge of the window. You can see, at the start and end of the audio clip, portions without voice but only the UnNews theme.

WAV files

A wave file (the filename ends in .WAV) samples sound a certain number of times per second and stores the energy level at each sample as a 16-bit number (between plus and minus 32,767). Like graphics on an old printer, where curves turn into jagged lines, the copy isn't exact, but only concert violinists have any problems with CD-quality WAV files (44100 samples per second). Any audio editor program will show you your voice as a wave, like an oscilloscope.

Wave files are huge, but there is no need to send them between computers, and any computer made in the last ten years will handle them easily. Don't use 8-bit recording. These files are half as big, but store each sample as an 8-bit number (between plus and minus 127). You can make out voice and music, but fade-outs get very hissy.

Experiment with volume levels. Too loud, and your recorder will try to record values beyond 32,767. The wave will get an artificial flat top (the sound will be "clipped") and it will sound bad. Too soft, and the listener will have to crank up his set--but this means you aren't using the full range, and your voice will be recorded with less accuracy. Ideally, you should record a test, look at it with a sound editor, and ensure that the loudest point of your feature just touches the top and bottom of the graph area. If the sound only gets halfway to those edges, you are recording 10 decibels softer than you could, and using only half the available accuracy.

You don't need a recording studio, but plaster, tile, and hardwood surfaces may produce noticeable echo. If you care, you can reduce this with wall-hangings, which may be towels. Plug a real microphone into the PC's microphone jack instead of using a built-in microphone. Background noises won't interfere with your voice but may be detectable during moments of silence. Record a test and play it back at full volume, or look at it in an audio editor, to see what background noise you are recording.

MP3 files

Sounds are waves, and you can make a smaller file by describing the shape of the wave than by specifying every point on the curve. That's what MP3 files do. Playing MP3 files is an exact science, but translating a wave file into MP3 is an art that is done with differing quality. You specify how big, per unit of time, you want the MP3 file to be, and the encoder (or compressor) fills the space with as detailed a description of the wave as will fit.

The human mind doesn't hear sound so much as it senses things happening; you cannot hear a bell tinkling at the same time as an explosion; you cannot hear a soft C-sharp at the same time as a loud C. Your mind filters these sounds out as distractions. A good MP3 encoder omits from the file many sounds you are unlikely to be able to hear, freeing more space in the file to represent sounds of more relevance. Different minds perceive differently, and opinions differ about the quality of sound produced by various encoders. I have no preference.

Recommended settings

Using one of these helps your voice be heard.

I dial down audio clips from 44100 Hz 16-bit stereo to 22050 Hz 16-bit mono, which is adequate for voice. This produces WAV files 1/4 of the size of CD-quality files (2.646 Mb/min rather than 10.584 Mb/min). The common 128 Kbit/sec (kbps) setting reserves 0.96 Mb/min, and the encoder uses all that space for quality audio details that are not present or not important. Since March, I have specified 96 kbps, producing files of 0.72 Mb per minute without noticeable drop-off in sound quality. (A Mb is about one thousandth of a gigabyte.)

There are no volume settings when translating from WAV to MP3. On some old compressors that make assumptions rather than read the quality settings from the WAV file, you may have to tell it if you recorded your WAV file with less than CD-quality.

ID3

MP3 files can contain descriptions as well as music. Much MP3-playing software lets you type or edit these descriptions. My audio clips don't use ID3. For your information--

• ID3v1 lets you add a few, fixed-length fields to the end of an MP3 file, such as artist, album name, song name, and comments.
• ID3v2 is at the start of the MP3 file, so software can display it without searching to the end of the file. There are more fields, and they can be much longer, including multi-line comments.

Neither MP3 files nor WAV files contain computer code or any way for a virus to infect your computer. Even a file that claims to be an audio file, but isn't, can't damage your computer, if you deal with it through an audio player. (MP3 files with ID3v2 can contain a web link, and if your player gives you a button to click, and if you click it, this could take you to a web site that doesn't play by the rules.)

Talk page for UnNews and UnNews Audio

• Archive 2 of this page
• Archive 1 of this page

UnNews:Amnesty International unfriends Uganda

Happy 2011! I thought about the cap but was not sure. I figured you would know for sure. Thanks for the fix. This Username18 has class. I'm impressed. Stay cool, bro!--Funnybony    11:46, Jan 1

Thanks for going to work on the style issues. (This is an all-consuming pastime.) I found a few others. It took a call to ChiefjusticeDS to correct it in VFH, as I don't know what database issues there are. Sheesh! you are the only article on the Front Page that's about something! Spıke ¬ 11:54 1-Jan-11

Acceptability of fictitious UnNews

Just out of curiosity, is it frowned upon to have completely ficticious UnNews pieces? Or is it just as acceptable as a satire news piece from a real news event? --Username18 23:25, January 2, 2011 (UTC)

Having penned six of them, it is time for you to read our Style Guide, the first part of which presents the variety of UnNews genres. The {{Original}} is an accepted category--though you'll have read my comment, in the VFH nomination of "Amnesty International," that it would not have taken much more to attach this to some real-world atrocity. My personal bias (see also my response in the section just above) is that the audience for UnNews is necessarily followers of current events and UnNews based on real news will be extra funny to them.

If by "completely fictitious" you mean local news, see UnNews:Chance meeting between acquaintances causes awkward moment (VFH) or my UnNews:Local firebug trips himself up (nearly VFD for its small size). You want these not to seem like vanity.

The golden rule is the Uncyclopedia "ignorable policy": Really brilliant writing excuses any transgression. Keep the reader in mind! Read the Style Guide! Spıke ¬ 23:38 2-Jan-11

UnNews:Film documents death by fast food

I made a creation: UnNews:Fast Food Death Film for tomorrows news. Any thoughts, or tips for it?--Sycamore (Talk) 17:51, January 2, 2011 (UTC)

Okay...Headline needs lowercase except in proper names; also needs a verb--my suggestion is above. EDINBURGH capitalized in dateline. The news is that a film has been made, not what happens in the film. Needs a couple of links per paragraph. Don't supply a fake Sources section; just slap {{Original}} on it, because that's what it is.

Don't give us "These guys say this...those guys say that" in the lead paragraph. Controversy might be good drama but it's secondary to the news. Best of all, give both sides their own paragraph and flesh out their opinions. Your story contains lots of pro and con opinions; better to reorganize so that each side is developed fully. But, above all, tell us WHO these guys are, not just fake attributions, "has been cited," "has been wildly refuted" (?).

"qualitative." "ad nauseam." "fucking amazing"--obscenity doesn't add anything. "a great deal of criticism"--modifier doesn't mean anything. "Of course" patronizes and "dastardly" expresses an opinion. Does this sentence have a verb? In final sentence, reporter doesn't know what "people around the country will" do; rephrase. Spıke ¬ 18:21 2-Jan-11

PS--Sony was Kept off VFD last week (by CJDS) but the page has not been adjusted to reflect this. Spıke ¬ 18:36 2-Jan-11

Hey cheers, I'll make those fixes. Thanks for finding Sony, I blame Cheif:)--Sycamore (Talk) 18:45, January 2, 2011 (UTC)

Sycamore, since Olipro's reform last September, you don't just write an UnNews "for tomorrow's news." It is on the page right now--the system no longer looks at the date in your {{News}}. Does it matter? are you hoping that Username18 doesn't file three more stories on the 3rd? Either change your date or move it back to userspace and create a new UnNews after midnight Zulu time. Spıke ¬ 18:59 2-Jan-11

Sycamore, do what I say, above, as a new story--either today or tomorrow--or no one will ever find it, as its page creation date is 2-Dec-10. Spıke ¬ 19:12 2-Jan-11

Okey Dokey, I think I have fulfilled Der Process there and I'll fix those typos:)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:11, January 3, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Building replica of destination now cheaper than rail travel

Trouble with the new headline is that it makes absolutely no sense at all. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:44, January 2, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry; I wrestled with it but wanted it to fit in a smaller space. Giving the entire economic equation in the headline is unnecessary. It's in the 1-spot right now and I think the meaning comes through. Do you have a better wording in about that much space? Spıke ¬ 22:50 2-Jan-11

It is difficuly. It's definitely got to mention trains or rail as that is core to the story. 'Building replica of destination cheaper than rail travel'. It was just one of those articles where maybe the headline is actually funnier than the story. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:57, January 2, 2011 (UTC)

Actually looking at it on UnNews, it does work as it is as you can immediately see it refers to rail. I've changed my mind. You were right. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:59, January 2, 2011 (UTC)

Unfortunately, I changed my mind too; you were right. No idea who gave in first. There is a bright spot for you in the organization.... Spıke ¬ 23:02 2-Jan-11

User:Strangeman70/UnNews:Strangeman's report on newfound alternate reality

This seemed not good, so I moved it into his userspace and left it a rather unhelpful message. I thought you should know so that you might then be inclined to appropriately yell at me or something. I dunno. 1234 ~ Major Pleb Sir Lyrithya • Athyria • Isarra • Haydrahlienne - 'Destroyer of the Wiki' - MUN OUN CUN KUN DUN GUN *shifty eyes* (zombiebaron) • (dr. skullthumper) • (roman dog bird) • (nachlader) • (frosty) • (more zombiebaron) • (talk) • (stalk) • (block) • (log) • (list) • WotM • UotM • RotM • PotM • UGotM x4 • SotM • FFS • NOM • MotM • BFF x2 • GSA x2 • PS • FiyC • MD • Top3 x3 • Top10 • VFH x15 • VFP x3.5 • HoS • TAW • HMC • PEEING • PRS • PC • URC • ΥΣΣ • IC • ZB -- 04:47, 3 January, 2011 (UTC)

9 UnNewses today

Did you notice that, on the third, there were 9 UnNews articles written? Only three today, though. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 23:53, January 4, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. As of December, I've been recording the stories and their disposition; that's how I've been able to give statistics in one VFH nomination and in the newsroom. But I had not yet seen today's third (the first of the day from Username18).

Was there just the one podcast? Did you notice that over Christmas NickLucas banged out two excellent UnNews Audios and one narration from a request? I was going to suggest that we have a good new voice for you to put together another package--perhaps the rumored weekend retrospective, UnNews:Last Week in the Mirror--but he has not been back since. Spıke ¬ 00:05 5-Jan-11

Yeah, we have yet to do another podcast. I'll ask everybody if they want to do another one. We have this whole mock debate about whether or not having sex with your clone is gay or masturbation which is pretty funny. emc and Oli have stated that they want to do it again, and I'd imagine it'd make for a hilarious podcast. Maybe we can get that done this weekend, and if we do, I'll throw in one of his audios. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 00:16, January 5, 2011 (UTC)

Sounds good--let me know if you need anything done. Spıke ¬ 00:20 5-Jan-11

UnNews:Founder of BRIC acronym refuses to add a trailing S

Thanks for the edit and comments. Should I change Jim to Mr. for the Image as well, and did you leave the first Jim for clarity? --Pphuck 20:40, January 4, 2011 (UTC)

No, it is fine to introduce him that way, just not to refer to him subsequently by first name. Not all UnNews writers insist on the use of "Mr." either.

Separately, please keep refining this one. It will look more like news (an essential part of our little deception here) if the Reporter will do less telling us what Mr. O'Neill thinks, believes, and is like, and how we should feel about it, and instead let him do it himself by his quotes, and perhaps gestures, and perhaps through the words of observers he interviews. Spıke ¬  20:52 4-Jan-11

In this case I wanted to use his own true words, rather than make them up - what I could do, I guess, is to add how others are perceiving Jims statement and viewpoint, rather than point it out myself... would that make sense? --Pphuck 06:30, January 5, 2011 (UTC)

That's right. The "reporter" never states a conclusion, though you, the UnNews author, will lead your reader to one. (By the nose.) Spıke ¬ 10:40 5-Jan-11

Does this in turn imply that I should add more Source's at the end of the article, in case things aren't entirely made up? --Pphuck 11:10, January 5, 2011 (UTC)

There is no rule on number of Sources (except that if the story is completely pulled out of a bodily orifice, slap {{Original}} on it). (This is probably a fine time for you to read our Style Guide.) The purpose of Sources is to get serious for a moment and point your reader to any real-world news you used so that he can better understand the joke.

The fact that something is made-up rather than real is not a problem for us and requires no additional work from you.

Now, let's talk about something more important. This one reader did not get the joke. I read your UnNews and came away thinking that, well, perhaps if I knew Jim O'Neill, I would find this a funny commentary on his personality. But I don't. Other readers might get it; or, the UnNews might need a little more background information about how his snippy reaction is to be expected. It might be evident from the Sources, but you don't want your readers to have to dig to understand your humor, but to bring it to them. Spıke ¬ 11:31 5-Jan-11

UnNews:China shows off "Totarry Awershum" stealth fighter Hmm, before I ask anything else. Is there room at UnNews for articles which just reports true stories -- the kind that are ironic or contradiciting on their own, without making them so? --Pphuck 18:56, January 5, 2011 (UTC)

No, this is a site to write your own humor, not to bring here jokes written elsewhere, nor to bring here any stuff (such as from the "Weird News" tab of the wire services) that we might laugh at. However, a valid style--in fact, the one I prefer--is to base humor on absurdities in real news, rather than take news that isn't funny and make it funny by adding randomness. For example, although my UnNews:Tame inflation gives Fed "ammo" goes off on several rhetorical tangents (8-track stereos? survivalists?), everything behind this UnNews is the truth. Spıke ¬ 19:04 5-Jan-11

Well, I did imply report not copy, so I guess there is room for that then. The article you're pointing to is more or less what I meant. But what I did miss while reading through the Style Guide the first couple of times was the focus on my own humor I believe. I thought it was more about leaving myself out of the story than anything else. What about the gonzo style btw? Is that an okay way to break the rule? --Pphuck 19:49, January 5, 2011 (UTC)

Gonzo, as in the reporter stages theatrics that creates the news, I would not like; but lots of stuff gets put here, such as today's feature on Dog Shit; if well-written, I wouldn't do anything about it. But these rules are plenty broad; rather than feel me out on how best to break them, why don't you just adhere to them for a story or two and see how it goes?! Spıke ¬ 19:58 5-Jan-11

Because I'm somewhat good at pointing out things which are funny but I'm not good at all at writing funny things, so, rather than waste everyones time I thought it was nicer to waste one persons. Thank you and goodbye.

One solution to that is collaborations. Good luck. Spıke ¬ 20:22 5-Jan-11

Wasn't Gonzo in the Muppet Show...?--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 12:37, January 7, 2011 (UTC)

By the way, my UnNews:Gay sports writer comes out today is more truth-based UnNews. The assertion that Buckley's column never gets to the point is an exaggeration (the second Source lets the reader see how big a one), and the reactions of other people are caricatures and composites to show the absurdity of reality: The biggest "news" of the day and nobody cares. Spıke ¬ 13:13 7-Jan-11

Audio for UnNews:My testicle might have partially detached

You must mean Puddle of shit and Pearl necklace. I'm still waiting for you to nom them! An idea, and please consider this (I wrote Dexter too). Why don't you record the testicle page in the same tone you report the news, as straight news, and in doing so it would be an instant absurdist classic. Please, do it for the sake of humanity and in the name of all things funny. Thanks. Aleister 14:36 12 1 '11

Surely you will understand that "it's not me." Looks like another month in which Uncyclopedia will pass over 15 good UnNews Audios and hand the Emmanuel Goldstein to one pride-of-the-clique. Why can't we go off and do good stuff? Spıke ¬ 14:55 12-Jan-11

You mean good stuff like save a rainforest or throw a ripe banana at Sarah Palin ("Duck, Sarah, a yellow fruit with black spots is coming at your head!")? Or good stuff like edit sweep a Random page, which is sometimes boring, and sometimes an interesting thing to do. Like that? By the way, I should go and edit Pearl necklace a bit, times-a-wastin'. Aleister 16:58 12 1 '11

This testicle thing is a 'bottom draw' UnNews article, something to put in if the skate boarding duck can't make the bulletin. Why don't you exercise your tonsils and try a bit of audio for that one Aleister? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:09, January 12, 2011 (UTC)

I don't have audio set up on the computer, and wouldn't know how to upload the page if I did. And SPIKE has the UnNews music to go with it. Dexter said he might do it, but it will have to wait a day or so. He'd do it very well, and I was aiming for a two-fer audio links. And SPIKE, I've added some more onto Pearl necklace, and await your comments. Aleister 17:17 12 1 '11

UnNews:China shows off "Totarry Awershum" stealth fighter

Is this properly newsy? A fellow made it and I thought it looked awful and got confused and hit it with a frying pan, and well... I still dunno if it's any good. How do you tell? 1234 ~ 06:26, 12 January 2011

Lyrithya on Kip the Dip

I forgot what I was going to say. Great. 1234 ~ 16:40, 12 January 2011

You were going to talk about the overnight's three inappropriate UnNewses. And perhaps talk about my mention of Kip's "personnel file" in passing to Mordillo. Indeed I thought it got us off the contents of the UnNews (though Kip's motivation is an issue) and onto Kip's past with the organization--that is, personalizing things--and I only raised on Mordillo's page because it might have been enough of a complication for him to want to strike it from the record.

Regarding moving Magic man's UnNews to Illogicopedia, obviously I am not going to do it unilaterally, file under "raising the issue out of proportion," and I thank you for recommending it to him. On the third UnNews, UnNews:China shows off "Totarry Awershum" stealth fighter, you initially described the author as "a friend," and I'd appreciate if you would call his attention to the problems as well and induce him to use the move button to take it back for rework.

I am enthused that you see my vision for UnNews--although, as I said on Mordillo's page, I am hardly the only vote in the matter--though when you got to Kip's page last night, it was all smiles and giggles again. Now, back to Mordillo's page: "Why can people not simply speak clearly? Or more clearly." That's irony, right? Spıke ¬ 17:33 12-Jan-11

Oh, um... sure...

Aye, the motivation was what worried me... still does. I don't like when people do things like this. I don't like it. It gives me an uncomfortableness that... well, eh. No matter, here, at least. Someone else will resolve it. Or not. I quit caring. Good day.

Irony only so much as 'more' than nothing could be anything... Aleister speaks clearly, though. I try to learn from him. He's so vibrant. I just... fail. Lurg. 1234 ~ 17:47, 12 January 2011

HowTo:Say "I love you" this Valentine's Day in 6 ways

This reads like a pluck from a raunchy version of Cosmo. It's far too small to be a HowTo, and I think it works perfectly fine as an UnNews. I suggest that we move it back, even though it is a bit early for an UnNews article about Valentine's Day.

Also, what's that clicking noise during your audios? A typewriter? --EMC ^[TALK] 05:22 Jan 18 2011

I'll just barge in and point out that if actual news reads like that, it's just bad - should not mockery of bad actually mock the bad, instead of just being bad like it, or some such? 1234 ~ 06:09, 18 January 2011

It's not about news, it doesn't read like news, it doesn't want to read like news. It's a whimsical essay. I've got no problem with it being in Uncyclopedia, but it's got no reason to be in UnNews except for the desire to use the Recent news column to flog itself. And that is no typewriter. Spıke ¬ 07:18 18-Jan-11

If I may, I don't think there's any problem with something reading like something out of a tacky tabloid, it actually reflects a lot of what is classed as "news" within modern media. However I do think an absolute basic level of commonality should exist, even if it is only to start with the words "Recent reports suggest...." -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

UnNews:Man ruled "not guilty by reason of Frenchness"

I managed to find my finished edit in the ether zone left after an edit clash -euugggh. Naturally i think mine is superb and yours shabby beside it -can we have two entries with the same headline -from rival newspapers perhaps ;) if you speak french or not my seal joke is pretty good ᙄᙄ let me know what you think-- ⦿⨦⨀ Phrage (talk) 09:10, January 14, 2011 (UTC)

That was no edit conflict! Check the Change History and the talk page. (Oh, you can't check the talk page, you over-wrote it!) I interpreted your comment "You're going to hate this" as permission to post-edit. I accepted most of your additional French sterotypes, and cut the other forays into fantasy US law--along with those that I had written, and I like the result. I thought your version took the reader in too many random directions for no comedy purpose.

There is only one Audio per UnNews, but there is no rule about one UnNews per theme, or per Source. You are free to convert this into another UnNews. What you must do, though, is start a new article, put in your stuff, cut out most of my stuff, and copy in and then read my source and get whatever else you need from it. You can do another UnNews on it, but you ought not do an UnNews reporting on my UnNews. Spıke ¬ 12:59 14-Jan-11

UnNews:Cancer research causes cancer

My furst newz. If you have time, could you have a look at this and let me know if it's any good please? Obviously it needs proofing/formatting etc but in general would you have any advice? --Black Flamingo 19:44, January 15, 2011 (UTC)

Very good. Looks like news. Isn't based on news, but you have {{Original}}. The lead paragraph is a lead paragraph. The story has a comedy theme and the lead paragraph tells you what it is.

Oh, you want criticism? It lacks a photo, but you will have noticed that. A good photo caption will relate it to the story. And the dateline (in Scotland)--what does that have to do with anything? How about something like the Mayo Clinic (always good for puns) or somewhere where they might have been studying cancer? Spıke ¬ 00:14 16-Jan-11

Good idea, Scotland was a bit random. Thanks. --Black Flamingo 11:30, January 16, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:5 things his genitals can tell you about his financial habits

Hey Spikey--I had absolutely no hand in the creation of this, though whether or not I should be held responsible is questionable. -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 11:48, Jan. 17, 2011

I would never have known! Until checking the history. My opinion is that they are both HowTo:s. Have dumped the issue in Mordillo's lap. Spıke ¬ 14:06 17-Jan-11

You being sarcastic is... disturbing. -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 02:28, Jan. 18, 2011

PS--I never re-entered the discussion that you were enthused had been reopened on your talk page. Anyway, I did not call that other UnNews to your attention to say, "Kip, here's how to do it"; only to say, "Here's how another writer handled the link-to-news problem." I never had a quality concern with your UnNews. Spıke ¬ 14:13 17-Jan-11

Again, I fail to see the lack of controversary over the Easter egg one. I'm trying to figure out where I went right. -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 02:28, Jan. 18, 2011

Ring... ring ring...

Hello, Spike? I was calling to see how you liked my little joke on you the other day. I added the latest to the podcast list today. That's about it, I guess. Call me when you have a chance. Younch! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:18, January 27, 2011 (UTC)

If you are referring to dumping an incoherent article in so as to troll me, and then pulling rank when I try to do my job consistently with other recent incoherence, unfortunately, a joke just doesn't seem so funny when it is indistinguishable from the truth. Spıke ¬ 16:47 28-Jan-11

Sorry, I mistook you for someone with a sense of humor. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:58, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

I took a couple days off and appear to be even more humorless since. Spıke ¬ 18:00 28-Jan-11

Aww, Spike... *huggles*

Humour is good, though. Grow it back, or I'll... I'll set you on fire! 1234 ~ 18:12, 28 January 2011

You must admit, you practically dared me to revert you. Well, you don't have to, but I took your tone as an invitation to play "Dickery:The Game You Only Play With Friends That Know You Pretty Well". And don't get too comfortable... I'm not done with bats, either. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:20, January 29, 2011 (UTC)

Hi Chief!

I've started a document containing some UnNews tidbits here for UnSignpost, early Ferbuary 2011 edition. Please fix, enhance and add content as you see fit. I've alerted UnSignpost of this article, assuming they'll want to publish it. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:15, January 27, 2011 (UTC)

Given that you are able to return--which I welcome in the Newsroom--but seem to be referring to me as the Chief (as Lyrithya has also taken to doing), the only thing you might add to the document is a clarification of our respective roles, as some people don't think I have the stripes to edit their work, and one thinks it is a Napoleonic complex. Spıke ¬ 16:47 28-Jan-11

I've added a little note about you here, but am not satisfied that the tone is acceptable. Could you smooth it out for me, as I am taking an extra pain med today, and find my skills more kacking then usual. Thanks. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:13, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

Well, that is damning-with-faint-praise! I hope your regimen gives you a few lucid moments before the February deadline. Spıke ¬ 18:20 28-Jan-11

Yeah, I know, huh? I've been taking extra pain meds since two days before the snow came. It's so bad that I can't even seem to accomplish bat fuck writing properly. At least Illogicopedia will have me, no questions asked ;) Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:56, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

I've edited it so as to be more a call for cooperation than an invitation to air grievances. Spıke ¬ 19:00 28-Jan-11

Good thinking, Spikey. I've modified it yet again. I think it's almost OK. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:54, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

CUCU

Maybe a bit of editing is due, but I like it. What do you think? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:08, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

We have been beset this winter with kids, more interested in belonging, chatting, and in some cases bossing each other around, than in writing content. Uncyclopedia has acquired a Grue Army (useful in fighting vandal attacks), an Uncyclopedia CIA, and an Uncyclopedia FBI. Magic man has created a Magician of the Month award for himself to give out, while Iwillkillyou333 has a variety of templates he puts on articles and on user talk pages that do nothing but create a very hostile welcome to users who are even newer.

So, while I am a big fan of your motivational devices on user pages, I cringe at yet another play "organization," especially such a solution-in-search-of-a-problem as this.

The UnNews Columns have been an enormous cop-out. We have had the organization Multiliteralist tried to start before loudly announcing his latest resignation. We have had PF4Eva's "Shit That Pisses Me Off" column--a column with its own namespace and obscenity unrelated to humor or anything else, about which I complained in Forum:PF4Eva's "Shit That Pisses Me Off" namespace.

There is no need to have another. Step up to the challenge of making fun of actual current events. Pursue collaborations on an ad-hoc basis. Spıke ¬ 21:39 28-Jan-11

I don't mean is as an award, but just a token of recognition that one has written some UnNews. I didn't effectively communicate that my intent was to repurpose the thing, nor create another piece of useless dreck. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:42, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Abraham Lincoln was an asshat, historian concludes

Begun on User talk:Aleister in Chains

This would be in the 1-Spot right now except for the word "asshole," which detracts from the "real news" veneer, will give offense in the central US, and is not relevant to the humor. You couldn't have done this otherwise? We are not all enlightened Brits. Spıke ¬ 16:49 28-Jan-11

No, but thank you chief. The premise of the article is that Abe Lincoln was an asshole because of his hat, and that an esteemed Lincoln historian (I should add his credentials, thanks) has come to such a crude conclusion and himself uses the word. I see you have gotten the point of the large picture, and I appreciate that you've left the size as it is, a size chosen on purpose, of course, to fit the premise. Aleister 16:58 28-1-'11

I see your premise. In fact, I haven't touched your article. The size of the picture, like the use of the swear, like your occasional encrypting of your signature, I view largely as inside jokes with an audience of 1. Again, can you not do better in terms of our general audience (by which I make a large assumption)? Spıke ¬ 17:03 28-Jan-11

Chief

Good day Sir. May I have a moment of your time? Thank you. Zim, can you go grab us a couple of cups of coffee? Thanks. I've had much fun writing the article about Abraham Lincoln. Could you please leave the pic at the present size (which you have, so maybe this note is unneeded. Ah, two sugars please. Thanks.), as it goes along with the premise of the article. And I haven't looked, has anyone done anything on the Egyptian situation as yet, and hopefully Funnybony will check in on that. Aleister 16:51 28-1-'11

Get your own coffee, you smeghead. I will, however, roll a couple of joints for you, if you like... Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:17, January 28, 2011 (UTC)

I'll bring the waterpipe (and you would not believe whose waterpipe I have, only hint I can give, a well-known deceased person who has "passed away" and "gone to the other side"). SPIKE, I changed the Lincoln thing to "Asshat", actually perfect. I only thought of it because you kicked me in the face, and when I was on the ground nudged my head into the soil with some pressure, so you got my attention and that word popped out. Why didn't you think of it? Thanks. Aleister 19:03 28-1-'11

That does kill two birds, dead, with one stone. I didn't think of it? because I haven't used the word "asshat" in a decade. I call people assholes. (Then again, I live in the coastal USA, where that's a compliment.) Management, after all, is not about creativity but inducing creativity.

In the meantime, Romartus came in with today's top story (on J.D.Salinger) but you now have side-by-side features on the Front Page. Spıke ¬ 19:17 28-Jan-11

UnNews:Peter Weir to remake Picnic at Hanging Rock with teddy bears instead

That was an accident. I've taken to correcting for the silly bug and moved it prematurely, thinking he'd notice, but he was in the middle of editing it even as I did, so now there are two. I've listed that one on qvfd and left the other for now... but... eh. Yeah. Stupid Wikia. 1234 ~ 18:16, 28 January 2011

OK. Please tell him too. Spıke ¬ 18:17 28-Jan-11

I thought you did. I'm so confused. 1234 ~ 18:21, 28 January 2011

Story by Oliphaunte

It's a miracle....Let me tell you why. Here's the low-down...

So I come into my room and my lamp is burned out and I'm thinking, "Great, my lamp's out so I can't find my computer." Then, I great this great idea for an UnNews article and a lightbulb pops over my head. I take the lightbulb over my head, replace the lightbulb in the lamp, turn the lamp on, find my computer, turn the computer on and begin writing like hell. THEN, this ninja crashes through my window yelling Japanese words to me while a gorilla breaks down my door roaring and begins fighting the ninja. Meanwhile, I'm under my desk furiously typing away to get my article finished when all of a sudden, an army of bees fly into my room and scare away the ninja and gorilla. Here I'm thinking, "Good, the gorilla and ninja are gone," but then I'm like," BEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!" So I run out of my room into the street while being chased by bees, all of this while finishing up the second paragraph of my article. All of a sudden, a tornado comes and swoops up all the bees, but also swoops me up during the process of swooping the bees up. Now I'm like, "Great, I'm in a tornado with a bunch of bees," but then I see this old lady on a broomstick cackling at me. So I push the old lady off her broom, get on the broom, fly my way out of the tornado and whisk back into my room, where I then finish my article, call a window-repairman and order chinese takeout.

So if you will be so kind, tell me what you think of this. Also, how are you doing? Sorry, I would've asked you this earlier, but I wanted to get my story out of the way before my metaphorical lightbulb disappeared due to literal thought and questioning of its existence. Anyways, look forward to hearing from you! Cheers. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   05:26, January 30, 2011 (UTC)

Well, that was a long-winded way of saying the term paper will be late.

Your UnNews doesn't have a Sources section. The only point of this is that you have not done one key bit of thinking: Is this an {{Original}} or a satire on something in the real news? It looks like an Original, but it turns out there is something perfect in the real news to hang this story on: Abercrombie loudly announced he was going to settle the controversy about Barack Obama's birth--and then was, loudly, unable to do so! Whatever side you are on politically, this misstep is funny by itself and deserves to be told in an even funnier way.

Your UnNews, by comparison, is merely silly. You heard Hawaii in the news and imagined a funny conversation, with excuses that don't make sense, and stuff about vacationing in Hawaii when you're already in Hawaii. (Your photo caption is excellent.) For many readers, this will be one of those, I guess you had to be there.

So I recommend you read the Source I've added to your article, and turn your UnNews into a parody of it--if there is any way to make fiction funnier than fact in this case! Spıke ¬ 13:02 30-Jan-11

Well it's not I like put the honey on the paper to make you think I actually was chased by bees on purpose! >.>

Anyways, I did forget to put the source, which is partly the reason for the mix-up we seem to have had. I wasn't talking about the Obama issue, there's a small news thing that a member of the senator's office has quit. You can find it here http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/01/27/politics/main7288553.shtml?tag=pop

Also, I just read the copyright laws on the real article and it says that it has all right reserved...does that mean I can't use the quotes, because those are actual quotes and I don't want to get su-AHHHH BEEES!!!!!

Thanks --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   15:41, January 30, 2011 (UTC)

Don't worry about copyright laws, for several reasons: (1) A public official's quotes are public, no matter that a member of the media staked him out for days to get the quotes. (2) Satire, which is what we do, is "fair use" of copyrighted material. We ought not use a CBS news story as news, but we can use it (pieces of it, anyway) to make fun of it. Other media, in fact, can excerpt the story, giving CBS credit, as it is now part of the public record. (3) Uncyclopedia occasionally does even more overt stealing and its posture is sometimes, "We'll revert it if you make a big enough fuss."

Thanks for the link to the real news. I will deftly change the basis of my objection to a clause I conveniently put into our Style Guide (at Section 2.6, point 4):

UnNews articles based on real news should be based on world or national news, or at least on news of well-known cities. If there are ridiculous shenanigans on the Kalamazoo City Council, most readers won't be able to appreciate your rendition of them unless you describe them in a way that is funny in its own right.

Nobody cares about a shake-up of the executive branch of the state of Hawaii. Stuff like this happens all the time. Not even if you assert that, behind the scenes, it was hilarious. I'd again encourage you to use both the sources and try to jam them together, whether by speculation or by inventing facts--that the resignation is somehow tied to the failure to manufacture an "Obama birth certificate." That would make it relevant nationwide. Even though we might find out tomorrow that this is not humor but truth. Spıke ¬ 15:59 30-Jan-11

PS--If you really don't want to improve it, and am asking me if bad things would happen to you if you submitted it: They won't. The story is based on news, reads like news, is coded well (except for the dateline, which I fixed), and I'd have no objection to it, though I don't see a way at the moment to write a paragraph that would be of general interest, and would probably not create a graphic for it on the Front Page. Spıke ¬ 16:12 30-Jan-11

Make sense. I'll fix it and combine the two article together, see what comes out. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   16:53, January 30, 2011 (UTC)

Very good. One other pro tip: If you would please use the Edit button at the top of the section you are editing, rather than edit the entire page, then your post will appear in my change history with a little arrow that both lets me see where you edited and let me go right to it with one click. Thanks. Spıke ¬ 17:38 30-Jan-11

Alright, didn't know about that. Thanks --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   17:47, January 30, 2011 (UTC)

---

So, I worked on the article a bit, was just looking for your general idea of it and if I need to change it completely, or if this is alright

Add a few more links and dump it in! Spıke ¬ 15:48 5-Feb-11

UnNews:Russian media study link between gaming and terrorists

Can you have a look at my UnNews I just did I think its quite good myself the grammar may need fixing --PUTTY 00:14, February 2, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, my. Thank you for calling my attention to it before the subscribers rang my phone off the hook. It's in your user area now (address above) so let's work on it. Yes, the grammar needs work; I am going to let you do most of this. Try to figure out where the SENTENCES end and put a period there and capitalize the next word.

Now tell me what the humor strategy is. My guess is that you are a video gamer who "goes to Russia" (specific dateline please; Russia is a very big place) and those things happened to you, because you also think you are an undercover Uncyclopedia reporter. One of our "ignorable policies" (you did read UnNews:Style, didn't you?!) is that we don't write about ourselves or about UnNews. It's "ignorable" if the writing is really good. That is the hurdle in front of you.

Now, does any of this relate to the real news, I mean the news in the news, not just generic spy-versus-spy stuff? It would help if it did. Spıke ¬ 00:24 2-Feb-11

It it is based on real news http://www.gamesradar.com/xbox360/modern-warfare-2/news/russian-media-links-airport-blast-to-modern-warfare-2s-no-russian-level/a-20110125134726601033/g-20090326142018906090 I don't how to put shorter links in. --PUTTY 00:40, February 2, 2011 (UTC)

It happened a few a days ago --PUTTY 00:40, February 2, 2011 (UTC)

I fixed the Sources, and followed it back to the New York Times where they got it. Now work on the other stuff and tell me what you're getting at. Spıke ¬ 00:53 2-Feb-11

Fixed and reinstalled in UnNews. PS--Your VFH nomination of Miley Cyrus is an invalid self-nom, and you still have typoes to fix. Spıke ¬ 01:47 2-Feb-11

Spike, did you mean to misspell 'typos'?

Anyhow, in the article, they tasted like ChiefjusticeDS typos, for the most part. I'm afraid to look at just who was the source of what, though, since if the two of you actually managed to compound typos, I don't even want to know. 1234 ~ 02:01, 2 February 2011

I did not. Typoes are like Negroes. Yours are simply pathos. Spıke ¬ 02:04 2-Feb-11

Oops, I stand corrected. Spıke ¬ 02:06 2-Feb-11

UnNews:U.S. sells Hawaii to help balance deficit

Thanks, glad you thought my/your story wasn't bad. I can't think of any sources, though. And I was going to insert this pic, but probably won't. You deserve the credit on this one, since I wouldn't have thought to do it without you challenging me to. I'm just a tool to be used. that came out wrong. -- 22:51, February 5, 2011 (UTC)

"That's what she said." I wouldn't put in the rail photo, as your digression toward rail service between Japan and Hawaii is a goofy idea, which is good, but apropos of nothing. There are indeed no "Sources," as this corresponds to nothing in the real news. So instead of making up fake Sources, we slap on {{Original}} to let your reader know that you pulled it out of a bodily orifice. Do read the Style Guide and maybe even the personal welcome from the Chief, which will tell you more about what UnNews is about. Spıke ¬ 22:56 5-Feb-11

UnNews:Egypt looks ahead, doesn't see anything

Good one Spike! Yeah, The US paying 70 billion dollars to Egypt NOT to attack Israel is such a huge protection scam it makes the Mafia look like baby powder. Sure would be good to have that $70 bil back in the USA in stead of Mubarak's Swiss accounts.

And BTW: Why does the USA pay interest to print its OWN money? That same thing was the problem which caused the American revolution - because the Bank of England only could issue money in the colonies, at interest. But here we are, back in debt from the start. Pay interest to print our own money. All interest paid to private bankers. You know who.--Funnybony    14:15, Feb 16

Yikes! more conspiracy theories. It is not that the US pays interest to perform its official functions. What happens is that the US borrows money (as it budgets more than it receives in taxes), at which point Bernanke has two choices:

1. Hold interest rates down, which it can only do by printing money. When all this money sloshing around starts driving up the price of everything, investors (even in US Treasury bonds) will want higher interest because they realize they will be repaid in less-valuable dollars.
2. Let interest rates go up, which he won't do because making it more expensive to borrow money will choke off the "recovery" and push unemployment back into double digits.

Private bankers, or any conspiracy of them, are not the problem. Congressmen who think they are bankers are one problem. The Fed, which lets the said conspiracy do by force of law what they could not do by consent of their customers, is a big problem.

Meanwhile, your Jack Bauer is now on the Uncyclopedia main page. Spıke ¬ 14:30 16-Feb-11

PS--Meanwhile, there is now an audio of this. Spıke ¬ 14:33 16-Feb-11

UnNews:Steven Spielberg presents Stonehenge Apocalypse

Thanks for moving this for me.

I do have a comment about the name change to UnNews:Spielberg presents Stonehenge Apocalypse. The reason for Steven Spielberg's full name is because many real-life productions are called that. Steven Spielberg presents Taken, Steven Spielberg presents Animaniacs, Steven Spielberg presents Freakazoid!, etc. So please forgive me the liberty of changing it back.

You can see a reference to the "Steven Spielberg presents...." at that Uncyclopedia ripoff site, where it says, "Due to his work on these series, in the official titles, most of them say, "Steven Spielberg presents...." see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Spielberg#Production_credits

King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:37, February 17, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the heads-up. Given the above, which I don't dispute, yours is the page title it should have in mainspace. However, in a "news headline," it is obvious that Spielberg can be only the famous filmmaker, and the first name wouldn't be used. Nor is it the function of a "news headline" to match or mimic a film title, nor to promote Spielberg. Nevertheless, I don't care. Spıke ¬ 20:45 17-Feb-11

I see your point, but if you wear a hat, people won't notice it. :-D King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:06, February 17, 2011 (UTC)

The Wisconsin budget and mass demonstrations

Aleister's article

I wrote an UnNews on the Wisconsin protests. Although I placed an original template on the page I know there are dozens of major stories on the events, but I'm too stupid to know exactly how to place the sources into UnNews articles. Could you give me a hand with this one? Thanks. Go Badgers? (why are they called Badgers?) Aleister 5:17 17-2-'11

Mercy-moved back to your userspace with an explanation on your talk page. Spıke ¬ 12:07 17-Feb-11

Answered on my talk page. This is a very topical item, of a potential Cairo-like American uprising, and I think I've found a satirical metaphor to place it into. Aleister 14:06 17-2-'11

continued on his talk page, as follows

User:Aleister in Chains/UnNews:Wisconsin governor has brains in his butt

The battle lines are drawn in Madison and you are welcome to ridicule the Governor. However, the punch line of this story--that he has his head up his ass--is an out-of-the-blue cut-down that doesn't relate to anything in reality. Substitute anyone's least-favorite politician. "He has his head up his ass!" hahahahaha. Would you please try to make the insult clever? Otherwise, this is just a quick and dirty UnNews for the sake of overt advocacy. Spıke ¬ 12:04 17-Feb-11

Well, if someone's brains are located in the butt, that usually implies that there's something smelly about the ramblings that come out of his mouth. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:20, 17 February 2011

That could be the source of this particular cut-down. I'm still holding out for cleverness. Spıke ¬ 12:50 17-Feb-11

The point of this is that Walker wanted to be the one to crack the unions, a GOP wet-dream for years, so he could get the chops for it and become a leader of his party on a national level. And the city he chose to do it in is probably the most progressive in America, and his action is blowing up on him. i.e. Brains in his butt, i.e. what was he thinking. So having him literally have his brains in his colon is a socially accepted metaphor (something that symbolizes a great deal of data in a simple concept) for the reality. As this is a topical news item. . . . Aleister 14:02 17-2-'11

Addressing for the moment the topicality (which doesn't really matter): the Governor is pursuing a typical Republican policy (though you may spin it as all for show or based on ambition) and the state employees' union, unsurprisingly, protests (which is not the same as having an action "blow up on him"). New Hampshire is buzzing about any governor who might be an attractive opponent to Obama (and two who have said they aren't), and Walker is not on the radar screen. I had to Google to find a real news story to give you the Source you asked for; my usual aggregator did not cover this protest. Both the governor's action and the union protest are typical partisanship--the event is unremarkable. This would be a non-factor if the article were better.

On my talk page, you disclosed an actual hook that you never used: The protest in Madison must be like the protest in Cairo! The governor must abdicate, and turn Wisconsin over to the military! What is the analog to the Muslim Brotherhood? This would be clever. "He has his head up his ass" is just a cheap shot. You can do better. Spıke ¬ 14:16 17-Feb-11

I moved it back to the UnNews apace. While you might not like it, Spike, this is very much removed from what one would define as eligible for a mercy move. ~ 14:19, February 17, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks you guys. I put in the Hippie Brotherhood, moved the paragraphs around, etc., but won't have much time in the next couple of hours to continue polishing, which I will. In the meantime this seems the most timely of the news items on the board, as events today will be much larger than yesterday's protests. The up-the-butt angle was also polished. Must go now, SPIKE, I hope the page is more to your liking. Aleister 14:48 17-2-'11

Your recent use of the Cairo comparison and other changes that cast head-up-the-ass as an interviewee's opinion rather than the reporter's, are improvements; and my assertion that Walker is off the radar is contradicted by this morning's radar. I would still rather see ridicule be a likely effect of an UnNews rather than its thesis. Spıke ¬ 18:04 17-Feb-11

PS--Now in the 1-Spot. I hope you like my caption. I toned down the overt point of view in the lead paragraph, but the slant of this piece continues to be overt advocacy of one side, with humor a distant second. For instance, you take Liz Cheney out of character without a cute explanation nor any parody of her--she is just a meme. Democrats will chuckle at her saying something she wouldn't say--for the rest of us, it evokes puzzlement or breaks the news-story motif. Spıke ¬ 18:24 17-Feb-11

PPS--In fact, I hope you like my caption enough to rename the page. Spıke ¬ 01:50 18-Feb-11

Renamed it, it was a bit of a crude name but I wrote it late at night. Maybe you can consider moving it to the main page, as then maybe some of the "players" in Wisconsin may get wind of it's existence. I'll go have a look at Rachael Maddow now on MSNBC, her and Ed Swartz that follow will focus on Wisconsin (Shurtz (sp?) is broadcasting from Madison tonight). Back on later. Thanks for all the advice on the page. Aleister 1:58 18-2-'11

A slogan

Thanks for the rename. I've only been updating the main page every other day or so, but the new title goes with the photo and I'm pleased to take it there. The Front Page template had to be changed also to find the story. Another dose of MSNBC, eh? Are you not British? Hey: "UnNews: Fair and Balanced!" What do you think? it just came to me. Spıke ¬ 02:07 18-Feb-11

Ah, a slight tweak towards the obvious: UnNews: Fair and UnBalanced. And those were great shows. Did you know the hill that Wisconsin's capital was built on was the neutral-ground meeting/holy place for American Indians long before they became "Indians"? And what year do you think it is, that Brit's don't get MSNBC and all the rest? As for my british passport, I hold passports in many countries and most continents. You're welcome. I'd like to see Funnybony's take on the Wisconsin movement, and others. This reawakening of America's progressive movement can be the rallying point for many UnNews pages! Aleister 4:47 18-2-'11

Naw, Fair and UnBalanced has been used a lot, and seems to be a staple of Second City. So probably any combination of the words have been done enough and well somewhere else. Google is like a mother hen, always there with some kind of yolk (hehahahahhahahlolololhahahahh huh?) Al minutes later

"UnNews: Balancing on the edge of being unfair." MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:34, February 18, 2011 (UTC)

We can do something with that. I would like to see "Your source for up-to-the-minute misinformation" on the Front Page be a <choice> of several things, though my favorite is still, "Like The Onion's retarded stepbrother," but Zim would still not want us to mention that copycat publication. Spıke ¬ 12:48 18-Feb-11

"All the news unfit to print". I don't think it should be a really large putdown, expecially in relationship to The Onion (which many of our articles could easily be front-page material on). We already have the burden of "content free" to live down to, why stab ourselves in the eye many more times. Why not claim the old Chicago Tribune slogan which they had to give up when they went to 10 pages or something "The World's Greatest Newspaper". Play up instead of down, and that would be funny because we're not a newspaper, and the newspaper industry is falling by the wayside just enough that we can stake that claim and it would be funny. UnNews: The World's Greatest Newspaper. That's my insane contiribution to the search for Spock. Aleister 18:59 18-2-'11

What if they all went bankrupt and we emerged (through slightly lower labor costs) as the nation's/world's only news source?! Spıke ¬ 19:06 18-Feb-11

More than likely. Some more lobbying for WGN, that would put the pressure on The Onion, which still comes out as a newspaper. Maybe a minor slogan. If you are serious about a name or slogan, why not expand out to a forum, and then everyone will play. Dibs on "UnPenis" because that's bound to show up. Aleister 19:17 18-2-'11

Man bites, dog

May all your news be UnNews

Fare and ballast

It's the news the others reject that makes UnNews the best

The only news with Attention Defic- Ooh, look at the pretty pictures

Or to steal a line from the chasers We report, you believe Pup 11:47 19 Feb '11

One more, stolen from UnSignpost If it's not in UnNews, then it didn't happen. Pup 11:48 19 Feb '11

UnNews:Wisconsin experiences ideological civil war

Still a work in progress, clearly, but unfortunately I need my beauty sleep. I'm trying to attack the left's kneejerk response to this situation, but avoiding seeming like a jerk myself, while also being an "equal opportunity offender" by emphasizing Walker and the right's own flaws, but in a way to which the article doesn't contradict itself. Also, it needs to read like a real news story and be funny without appearing to advocate. A real balancing act! Opinions? -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 12:51, Feb. 19, 2011

The Wisconsin story has become major and has attracted all the attention on the politics broadcasts, as the only other topic is the Republican fight to cut the 2011 budget, which might not get past the Senate and Obama anyway. It's good that UnNews is running from the line of pretty cheerleaders and jumping into the scrum.

However, I would not have featured his except that I came up with a headline that made the photo an instant laugh rather than a cheap-shot, and I removed some of the most didactic passages from his lead paragraph. His still reads as explicit advocacy, as I've told him. A leftie will look at the use of Liz Cheney to mouth left-wing positions and laugh, and say, "Liz Cheney! That cunt!" but the average reader will just be confused.

Your prose is excellent and thoroughly witty, but it ladles it on as thickly to lionize the Governor as Aleister's story does from the left. Stories about battles between leftie and rightie caricatures are trite and are not really going to change anyone's mind on a humor web site. The part about an actual melee might be entertaining television but is less entertaining as "news" prose. The finale is brilliant as it balances the scales.

Normally, I would beg you to tone down the seeming advocacy of this article (you might consider doing so anyway--keep everything funny to someone coming to the story from any viewpoint), but I look forward to featuring this side-by-side with Aleister's--provided the headline-plus-caption combination produces an instant laugh. Spıke ¬ 13:40 19-Feb-11

PS--On that note: "experiences" in your headline is a long word with no impact, and "ideological" is another long word that means, "Don't read this!" Perhaps simply "Civil war in Wisconsin" or "Wisconsin lawmakers vanish, rioters take their place". Spıke ¬ 13:49 19-Feb-11

---

Yeah, it turns out there's an even bigger protest today, with the Tea Party showing up as special guests. I think I'll let the story play out a little bit longer before moving the final finish article to main space, so don't worry about images or putting it next to Aliester's. -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 19:31, Feb. 19, 2011

On that image...

Might I suggest this? -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 18:25, Feb. 19, 2011

Won't work as a thumbnail. Romartus also had one with lettering that would have become cluttered on the Front Page (UnNews:US cable network green-lights Despots Palace Wives) and he granted my request to add another image that I used in the Front-Page graphic. Could be a mob of nudists, could be a stampede of buffalo, bonus points for Shooping the Capitol into the background.... Spıke ¬ 18:30 19-Feb-11

---

If you'd like to return the favor: My doubts about my UnNews:BoA demands brokers stop working are set out on its talk page. Would this story be funny to anyone without personal experience working under the same sort of "management"? Spıke ¬ 14:00 19-Feb-11

In all honesty, I didn't "get it". -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 16:10, Feb. 19, 2011

Thank you for your opinion--I'll just leave it right where it is. Spıke ¬ 16:12 19-Feb-11

It's installed

in the 3-Spot, and I told you so. The new photo does not work as a thumbnail on the Front Page, and the headline informs readers that they are one click away from reading about--ideology. Ugh! Spıke ¬ 13:08 21-Feb-11

Aleister wants me to watch MSNBC

Hello. Would you do me a favor, if you can, and watch the Rachel Maddow show on MSNBC at 8 p.m. your time (I'm watching Larry O'Donnell's show now too). Then you can see where part of my point of view is coming from. As with all these things, people on one "side" can't see how anyone can believe otherwise. And I do keep track of the FOX news slants on most topics-of-the-day, and am tryly amazed at the art of propoganda very badly practiced there. So it would be fun talking to your about all of this too. Thanks. Aleister 1:16 22-2-'11

No. Partly because it was already 8:16 my time when your message arrived. I do not care where your point of view is coming from. I don't see an attempt by the Republican legislature to redraw the lines with the SEIU as comparable to the re-enslavement of blacks, and I don't see that that is a problem. Nor that I am a victim of propaganda, nor dementia, nor any of the other things that partisans say to slap at differences of opinion. Get back to humor, which you pursue much better than political crusades on a humor web site. Spıke ¬ 01:24 22-Feb-11

9 p.m., Maddow is at 9. And this is not political crusade, it's a movement. And the only reason I'm bringing any of this up now is that uncy may put an anti-union page up as feature, and I wanted to explain my vote to Kip. To stay silent, yadda yadda yadda, they come for me, yadda yadda yadda. Aleister 1:53 22-2-'11

Watching a left wing program gives you the ideas shaped from one side of an issue and that you are maybe only half informed. Its good to watch a right wing program "once in a while" to get the other half of the picture. But dont forget that the left and right wing slant, filling up two halfs, do not equal 100 percent of the picture, , but more like 0.05% of it, and so maybe both should only be watched once in a while. The other 99.95% come from things outside of newspapers and television. Wanna colaborate on an article about that? Either of you!?!?!?!?!? Would be fun? Anyone? Like, for serious!? --Shabidoo 14:45, February 22, 2011 (UTC)

As I've said elsewhere in this wandering discussion, I watch FOX News too, like I used to watch right-wing preachers for the comic effect, as well as to see what they're ladeling out to the morons. I haven't seen too many "facts left out" stories on MSNBC, while it's a common use of airtime at FOX. But overall the liberals try to not lie too much and be fair, while the conservadumbs can't help but lie, sometimes out of ignorance and other times for propaganda purposes. The main "sins" of politics are self-interest, not sticking ones head out, and/or going along with an establishment goal at the expense of truth and the good of an area's citizens. Whichn is why movements of the people are needed. As for a story, naw, I'm too opinionated on this issue, thanks for the offer though. Aleister 14:53 22-2-'11

Mmm...still, adding those both together, still 0.05 percent of the story. :) If I was an American citizen, I most certainly would have voted for Justin Bieber!!! --Shabidoo 06:49, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

User:Shabidoo/UnNews:Isreali_settlement_built_on_5th_avenu

Any help with this (proof reading and or ideas) would be very welcome and I will thank you profusimally! :) Nice weekend spikey! --Shabidoo 14:42, February 19, 2011 (UTC)

I fixed a few typoes, am sure there are more. There are two in the page title. You need a crash course in apostrophes--you often talk to Lyrithya, don't you?

All of the people you quoted need names. I don't care where you get them, as long as they look realistic and this looks more like news. Your use of {{Q}} makes it look less like news--yes, I know, other UnNews writers do it too. Here again, your quotes need names. And even though {{Q}} gives you a third parameter (that the person said this "on" something), anything you put here reads like editorial interpretation of the quote--and the woman who talks about "nothing anyone cares about" calls into question the whole story. Authors who use Nobody cares in an UnNews, or anything like that, push my hot button--every UnNews has to act as though it thinks everyone cares.

Major conceptual problem: Okay, the US vetoed a UN resolution on Israeli settlements, and you write a fanciful story about an Israeli settlement in the middle of Manhattan. But what is your comedy strategy? What you do is trot out the same racial stereotypes. It starts to get trite. Can you make the actions in your story humorous analogs to the actual stuff happening in Gaza or the West Bank?

And it's way too long. This might not be a problem if I saw your comedy point more clearly. Spıke ¬ 15:21 19-Feb-11

Thanks once again for your frank and direct criticism and most expecially for the proof reading. Once again!!! OLÉ!!!! --Shabidoo 20:05, February 20, 2011 (UTC)

TheHumbucker on UnNews political bias

I've noticed that, while I've kept a more or less politically neutral tone, I'm still more critical of the GOP than the Dems in both of my stories. This would probably be a trend for me, considering how my friends refer to me more often as a "anarchistic communist" than as a "libertarian." Would that be a problem? ~  Talk 15:01, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

Absolutely not! There is no designated spin for UnNews, and our Style Guide acknowledges that we are all likely to view the guy we didn't vote for as more apt for ridicule than the guy we did vote for. Just pursue it along the lines we've discussed in the UnNews:Newsroom; for instance, ridiculing what he actually did is more clever than taking cheap shots based on nothing more than your personal dislike. My formula for most of last summer, ridiculing Obama (who was almost the only player in the debate) was to thereby join it to a mention of the opposition party "whose name was not immediately known." Spıke ¬ 15:11 25-Feb-11

PS--One possible reason for your focus on the GOP may have nothing to do with personal bias: At the moment the GOP, like the President one year ago, is setting the agenda that we read about in the real news. Spıke ¬ 15:21 25-Feb-11

True. I can't ridicule you if you don't open your mouth. Or can I... ~  Talk 15:24, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

At Uncyclopedia, you can do anything you want if you do it with really good writing (the meaning of having "ignorable policies"). But an UnNews ridiculing a guy who didn't open his mouth is an UnNews not based on news. We welcome this, too, with the {{Original}} tag--but it ought to have some other excellence to it. Spıke ¬ 15:35 25-Feb-11

Planned absence

Just a heads up, I'll be taking a quick hiatus from UnNews to explore other things on the site (PeeReview). I know my steady stream of satire worthy of the great Jonathan Swift himself has become a staple in the newsroom, but I hope you're not relying too heavily on it, as my productivity might take a substantial hit in the near future while I be a good n00b and try out new things. I think I can safely say that I'll be back at some point, though, as UnNews is - how do you say it? - the shizz ~  Talk 15:33, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

I called it that? I was thinking about you for our March monthly award (which you might still get on momentum) but UnNews has largely been onesies. Funnybony and I, and to a lesser extent Romartus, are the only regulars, and even with us, The Real World has intervened. Username18 was doing three-a-days until he went away. You don't need a doctor's excuse and you are welcome back. Spıke ¬ 15:38 25-Feb-11

Its Shizniz --ShabiDOO 16:07, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

JelloMold's first UnNews

Mind if I ask why my first unnews article was savagely deleted? 22:53, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

ok it wasn't.. just moved.. I apologise.. I'm not used to this bloody websit yet 22:57, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

I had to do something, as you didn't even capitalize Google. I tend to rename them if there are any excess words or capital letters. The rest I had explained on your user page when our messages crossed. Please don't assume that anything that happens here is taken "savagely"--and come back soon! Spıke ¬ 23:05 25-Feb-11

Tie for February 2011 Goldstein Award

In a fit of archiving...I decided you and the other fellow both won that award with the really long name. But I have no idea what that means, so I'm telling you instead of doing something about it. I hope you don't mind. 1234 ~ 03:15, 1 March 2011

Oh, and you also got that other narration award. Maybe you really are as good as... er... nevermind. 1234 ~ 03:21, 1 March 2011

How do you make categories?

I can easily see myself doing more spoof studies like in UnNews:Sources say things, sources say. I added Category:Studies to the source story, but it red linked so I just took it off. ~  Talk 20:51, March 1, 2011 (UTC)

By searching for Category:anything, you can see a list of the Uncyclopedia pages that are in that category. If the Category doesn't exist, you are given the option of creating it. I've done so for this category and put your story in it.

More spoof stories would be welcome. I like studies and have already made fun of studies that give Your County a letter grade or a number "score" for aligning with my (unstated) value system. Your UnNews read more like a whimsical essay than breaking news. Spıke ¬ 21:34 1-Mar-11

PS--My UnNews:Wikia City named 14th best place to live of 17-Aug-10 joins you in the new category. Spıke ¬ 21:38 1-Mar-11

Lyrithya lauds my vote against advocacy (VFH) and acknowledges vagueness (VFS)

Impossibilities aside...I do admire what you have been doing, taking these stands... and this is as specific as I become. I know how much you love that, but... well... eh. Sorry. 1234 ~ 16:27, 4 March 2011

UnNews:Polish President announces week of national mourning

thanks for proofreading my UnNews ;) Too bad I can't properly write. Maybe someday I will make my English nearly perfect ;p Have a nice day/night (scratch the unnecessary) ;) Sir Ptok-Bentoniczny^{Pisz tutaj} • KUN 21:13, March 4, 2011 (UTC)

You're welcome--Your English will be nearly perfect long before my Polish goes anywhere! Spıke ¬ 21:17 4-Mar-11

UnNews:Huckabee steps in it again

I didn't quite catch the satire in the first reading of it. At first, I was thinking, "Someone confused political bias for satire," and I was actually going to say something about it to you. Then I checked who wrote the article, and I realized it actually was satirical, and not an "advocacy" article.

Anyway, you might want to make the satire in that article in a little more obvious. --Mn-z 00:37, March 7, 2011 (UTC)

That is sad to hear; I thought I laid it on pretty thick. This is the risk in writing about media bias and partisan warriors. I'll take another look. Spıke ¬ 00:50 7-Mar-11

It's more the fault of people who think bias is a substitute for humor, if that makes you feel any better. --Mn-z 01:00, March 7, 2011 (UTC)

But--but--That can't happen here! I rearranged the lead two paragraphs to provide an earlier hint that AP and not Huckabee is the focus of my satire. Apart from that, I still think I laid it on thick. Spıke ¬ 01:03 7-Mar-11

I did some casual fact checking on Wikipedia. It turns that Kenya is 78% Christian and 10% Muslim, while Indonesia is 5% Christian and 86% Muslim. You might want to somehow shoe-horn that fact into the article in case your reader doesn' know that off hand. --Mn-z 01:09, March 7, 2011 (UTC)

Didn't know that, and the author of my Source surely didn't either. But amplifying the apparent importance of Huckabee's error hurts my case that AP is pouncing on a candidate for "naming the wrong country" and comparable capital crimes. Spıke ¬ 01:16 7-Mar-11

Have now also made the graphic on the UnNews Front Page look less as though it's taking a stand in the Republican nomination. Spıke ¬ 01:24 7-Mar-11

Updated: UnNews:Global warming satellite failure

begun on his talk page

Made it so that both Warmists and Deniers appear to have independently sabotaged the launch, for their own reasons. That avoids stating any opinion on the politics, and the notion that both camps fear what the satellite might find is actually funnier.

Also removed references to carbon con, etc.

Thx for suggestions. --Lantash 18:04, March 7, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Body of last World War I veteran to be shot to moon

Hi! I'm glad you liked the Frank Buckles page. That was a quick run-off after seeing a spokesperson for the family on the news earlier complaining that Buckles wouldn't be laid-in-state in the Capitol Building (which would have been a good idea but would also need a president and speaker with some imagination). Obama and Boehner are trying to shuffle his "lying in state" off to a theater at Arlington National Cemetery. So, of course, I thought of the moon. Thanks! Aleister 21:10 7-3-'11

"To the moon, Alice!" I have only been making one or two Front-Page "moves" per day, but this is the only story today that's based on something. Humbucker's "Grandmother" story wasn't, so I didn't put it on the Front Page at all. Sent it straight to VFH, and thanks for your vote. Spıke ¬ 22:02 7-Mar-11

UnNews:Kim Kardashian and George Lucas reveal plans for new sitcom

begun on his talk page

Hey dude! Thanks for the review. I'll try to learn from what you're pointing out. ---I have a talking zombie 06:57, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Meteorite smashes NASA window, staff acting strangely

Thanks for the welcome note. Glad you like the NASA story. I've expanded the story a little -- perhaps the connection with the source news is now a little clearer... Kalidosa 21:49, March 15, 2011 (UTC)

UnPreview of Dr Who

I am having trouble categorizing UnReviews:Dr Who series 6, I was going to put it in UnReviews, but since it was a made up preview review, nearly spoiler free. I just don't know what to do with it. I can rework it into a modified UnNews Format, if you think it is appropriate for the page. Please let me know what you think. If I don't hear back from you, I will post it as an UnReview, since that's where I was planning on putting it. Just the timeliness and excitement some people have for the countdown.--K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 17:34, April 19, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews can contain commentary (see the Style Guide Sec. 2 on "Columns" and "Editorials"), and PF4Eva often writes (very caustic) reviews in the space. Unless you have a reason for picking UnNews other than a big ego, it does seem exactly like an UnReview to me.

A bigger problem with the article is that its emphasis is not constant. At times, you are saying that:

1. The movie is demented. A valid comedy theme.
2. The reviewer is demented. Writing a review that showcases the reviewer's incompetence is one way to be funny. But you're not doing that; and given that you aren't, I would get most of the first person out of the article. Nobody cares whether you are or aren't a fantard, or that something is or isn't your chief concern. (Except that you do love to spend time explaining yourself to people; perhaps some day we will do a parody "user page" on you.)
3. The movie is grr-r-r-eat! Your intro reads like an advertisement and not humor at all.

So, pick a comedy strategy and stick to it.

The standard way to write an UnNews Column is to pick a person who is "doing the talking," say, Ebert, and consciously put the review in his style of speaking. Spıke ¬ 17:49 19-Apr-11

PS--Kill "Make that UnPreview". People write "reviews" all the time about shows and movies that haven't quite premiered, so that isn't even funny. Spıke ¬ 17:50 19-Apr-11

I totally understand. Thanks. I agree it is all over the place - I was hoping to meld them into an incoherent stream of consciousness. I will let it simmer and come back to it this evening, and in any case, I will put it in UnReviews. I so rarely pick "hot topics" is why I wanted to run it by Lou Grant (lol). I very much appreciate your frankness. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 17:55, April 19, 2011 (UTC)

User:Jokerman/UnNews Sandbox

Sorry to bug you, but what do you think of the idea?--Respond 13:41, April 21, 2011 (UTC)

Make it read like news. Problems from the beginning: Obama "went on a local station"? Which one? Read UnNews:Style: we want to know Who? What? Where? When? Why? WTF?

Be sure you know what the article is trying to achieve. Then write a lead sentence that claims something newsworthy--new and different--just happened. Obama going on a TV program is not news!

Global reminder: If you cover politics, religion, or race, be sure to make it playful. Not because we're prudes, but because portraying Obama as extreme will look too much like things the Tea Party would say in complete seriousness. The reader will wonder what's funny, and I will wonder whether you are using UnNews to grind an axe.

One funny thing about the real-life interview, carried on conservative radio, was when the interviewer corrected Obama--he didn't lose by "a couple" points but by 10--and Obama scolded him to "let me finish my response, next time." Also whether there was a political reason Houston didn't get one of the retired Space Shuttles--Do you have a funny theory?

Reading your Source: Your UnNews lead might be: "The Obama campaign, in an abrupt change of strategy, is focusing on winning Texas, a state that it lost in 2008 by 10 percentage points." That's news! Then come up with some outrageous (and probably futile) ways he's planning to do it, as in Jam Jesus.

---

Second piece is an amusing misinterpretation, but of course needs much more. Take some Sarah Palin speeches and imagine Palin addressing the Sleepover Risk as she does Obama-care. Bring in HHS Secretary Kathleen Sibelius and have her tell us how we will all be free to opt-out. What are Boehner and Reid doing about this new crisis? Spıke ¬ 18:01 21-Apr-11

---

PS--I did nothing with your little "Schools cracking down" UnNews, because I didn't see it. When creating a new story, especially from your Sandbox, actually create a new page and paste in the text. Only then will it appear at the top of Recent news. Spıke ¬ 18:03 21-Apr-11

JelloMold on the filing date for an UnNews

Greetings Sir Spikealot...Long time no speak...anyway I have an unnews fresh and ready to go but it's nearing the end of the day over here in England (just over an hour left) so I'm wondering should I wait until it's tomorrow to create the article? I don't want it to be today's news for only a few minutes :( 21:42, April 25, 2011 (UTC)

The date on an UnNews is less important as it used to be, when Recent news had headings with the date of the filing. The order now is no longer based on the {{Date}} in the story but on the creation date of the page. So see just above about copy-pasting your text into a new article rather than moveing it to the UnNews space.

The bigger problem is that my fair-weather, drizzle-related Internet outages have begun. Don't know why I am on-line right now or for how long it will last. Spıke ¬ 23:33 25-Apr-11

Perhaps the string needs new wax, and if you have some spare change, spring for a new Dixie cup. That's what I have to do when I am in my northwoods forest camp. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 00:38, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

If this craps out for good, I'll have lunch tomorrow in the parking lot of a nearby public library. For now, it's holding up. Spıke ¬ 00:46 26-Apr-11

UnNews:U.S. enforces "Green-Hill Zone" over Libya

I accidentally made two unnewses, I made the first one as an article then realised I should have gone to the unnews section and created it from there...I'm not sure how to delete the first one but it's called 'U.S. ENFORCES Green Hill zone over Libya', whereas the one I created in UnNews (i.e. the proper one) is called 'U.S. DECLARES Green Hill Zone over Libya'...I personally prefer the title of the first one but as I can't delete the article I'm stuck with 'declares' for now :( 14:05, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

Add the one you want to get rid of to list on UN:QVFD, another thing to do would have been change the text of the one you did not want to #REDIRECT [[file name of article you want to point to]]--K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 14:36, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

Jello, your grammar, spelling, and use of UnNews style was atrocious. I even had to capitalize Libya in the headline. (I apologize for the accusation if this was K-Lips doing you a "favor.") In the future, would you please print your draft out, submit it to your teacher the next time a paper is due, and wait for the corrections to come back? 17:53 26-Apr-11

Oh, well, I guess it gets the top spot on the Front Page. Spıke ¬ 18:06 26-Apr-11

Yea it was me, I should have left well enough alone - but fortunately no electrons were damaged nor .... --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 18:30, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

Spelling? What was spelt wrong? You changed newtrons to neutrons but newtron is the actual name of a badnik in the game. Look it up ;) 18:46, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

I'm not sure about the cquotes thing...they seem to big. This is the first article in which I've used them 19:06, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

Reverted. Good thing I didn't follow my skepticism over "badnik."

{{Cquote}} is rather big, but several authors use it. {{Q}} is the smaller one, as at the start of an Uncyclopedia article. I use ordinary quotes, like a regular news release. You can do whichever you like, and italics are still an author option (debated again recently in the Forum).

What was misspelled? How about "it's"? How about rolling dice to decide where to put the hyphens? Lips, that move button is major--got to get it right. "To big" is to wrong. You both need Remedial UnJournalism. Spıke ¬ 19:10 26-Apr-11

No offence Spike, but who gives a shit - about the its? :D and before you flame me, that's an Ernest Hemingway quote 19:53, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

In your sandbox: No one. On the Front Page: I, and God. Spıke ¬ 20:01 26-Apr-11

Just me and Hemingway then :) I am aware of how to use 'it' I'm sure you can't have caught that many strays, I think you're being a little bit harsh on ol' jello tonight. Btw is your internet still being temperamental? You usually get stuck into my articles sooner.. 21:13, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

How many UnNews articles can be listed that have not been tweaked by Spike? How many Spike penned main space articles have been edited only to have Spike revert and condemn? My count 0:1. The point is no one lives up to the perfection that is Spike. Spike you do a great job, and all writers should humble themselves to your superiority. But if its not one thing its another. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 19:55, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

[sic] Spıke ¬ 20:01 26-Apr-11

mistake on the front page 'But the move baffles coalition partners, especially those reared on Sega Genesis' doesn't make sense, those raised on sega genesis aren't the ones baffled, it's the former army officials who are baffled...I'm sure you can succinctly reword that 19:59, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

Well, SPIKE, here I am again, alive and not so well. I would like to simply state that though I've been experimenting with other namespaces and haven't been on the UnNews front for a while, this Jello guy did a good job and his piece reminded me of a favorite part of my childhood, namely doing a half-assed job on my homework to play Sega. For that reason alone, I am a fan of the piece. Now, you're complaining him for his spelling and grammar? You should read a galley from one of these things and then tell me his spelling and grammar was atrocious. You do good work, but please tone down the criticism a bit. I'm sure Jello is a well-intentioned UnJournalist and typoes do happen, even on professional news sites. I will be back with a new piece soon. I promise. But, please, give this guy a break. It's a good piece. And if you are going to be an arse about proofreading and correcting spelling and grammar, I'm sure there are people who would be more willing to do it. I would too, when I get an offbeat chance to visit. Many thanks.--Respond 13:36, April 28, 2011 (UTC)