UnNews:Romney: "Obama-care is a ham sandwich"
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
20 July 2012
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Putative Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has issued a press release that states that "Obama-care is a ham sandwich."
The move follows Chief Justice John Roberts' recent opinion that Obama-care is a tax, which begs the question of how there could be a lawsuit before anyone paid the tax, how it could originate in the Senate instead of the House, and a dozen other questions, to which the answer is that the U.S. Supreme Court never appeals its own decisions. Move along, folks, nothing to see here.
Romney's declaration settles a brief brouhaha in his campaign. In the wake of the Supreme Court verdict, Romney spokesman Eric Fehrnstrom had stated that "Obama-care is a watercress sandwich, probably. With the crusts cut off." This was an instinctive effort to add to the Romney campaign what John Kerry once called nuance, by distinguishing Obama's initiative with Romney's comparable plan as Governor of Massachusetts. The Romney campaign continues to claim that, whatever the eventual $695 annual payment under Obama-care to the IRS for not taking care of one's self is, the comparable payment to the Mass. Department of Revenue is something else. Namely, two grand.
The ham-sandwich gambit is Romney's latest move against the Obama-care law, whose actual name is the Free Everything For Everyone Act. Romney had previously claimed that everyone in Massachusetts likes Romney-care, which is because they are all writing Environmental Impact Statements for large corporations that already provide them insurance, though the corporations have curiously stopped posting new job openings. Romney has also stated that Romney-care did not violate the U.S. Constitution, as Obama-care probably doesn't violate the Massachusetts one.
Romney has made it clear that he sides with the Court's minority but that Americans now have a duty to follow the rules; namely, to convert him from a governor to the most powerful politician in Washington so that he will suddenly decline to do stuff and instead send it back to the states. Nuance-watchers recall Romney's ardent opposition to gay marriage in Massachusetts, which similarly ended the moment after his own supreme court declared it legal and he issued orders to town clerks to start registering the long line of Spouse Ones and Spouse Twos.
An overnight UnNews poll reveals that 5% of Americans believe that Obama-care is a ham sandwich, compared to only 3% who believe it is a tax and 2% who believe it is an administrative penalty. No one polled believed the U.S. Solicitor General's statement that it is merely an advance payment for access to the cornucopia of government health services later in life. The remaining 90% of Americans stated that they do not care what it is. The poll shows that Romney is on track, in opposing a President who says things that nobody believes, by saying things about which nobody cares.
