UnNews:Russian media study link between gaming and terrorists
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
2 February 2011
MOSCOW, Russia -- Do video games cause terrorism? Russian media think so. Following the January 24 attack on Domodedovo Airport here, government-run Russia Today made the connection. After all, Modern Warfare 2 contains a terrorist attack on a Russian airport; and so, now, does reality. Walid Phares suggested on Fox "News" that terrorists might train with video games.
But this undercover UnNews reporter had already been researching the possible connection.
I put on my fake beard and fedora and went to Russia to a secret hideout--so secret, I had to use a secret password (I opted for Hate Hate Hate). When I entered the Training Wing (as they called it), I was searched for any hidden listening and filming equipment. All they found was a kitten--I was saving it for later. Everyone in the Wing was already playing the No Russian level on XBOX 360. Actually, one guy was playing multiplayer, but he was shot for insubordination.
I was assigned to train at the No Russian level, playing it over and over. Kill-people kept popping up and I got so I could almost drop them with my eyes closed. After two weeks of training, we set out for Domodedovo. But the traffic was really bad, so we diverted to the Moscow McDonald's and shot a few people and blew up the place. The media were all over this until the copycat dick-heads across the road went to the airport and killed, like, 30 people. We only got 5. We were really pissed off and gave up.
So my conclusion is that Video Games have nothing to do with the modern wave of terrorism. Signing off now, from a cell in Moscow's Death Row.
Sources[edit | edit source]
Robert Mackey "Russian Media Points to Moscow Airport Attack in U.S. Video Game" New York Times, January 25, 2011
Mark Raby "Russian media links airport blast to Modern Warfare 2's 'No Russian' level" GamesRadar US, January 25, 2011