UnNews:Wikia City named 14th best place to live

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

17 August 2010

The information industry in Wikia City provides hundreds of jobs for writers of scholarly studies, if they should some day desire actual work.

WIKIA CITY, California -- Wikia City is the 14th-best place in the United States in which to live--and gets a grade of "A"--according to a new study.

The study is another occasional piece of media filler, in which a scientific organization objectively rates American cities according to its own affectations. Public employee unions can testify in the legislature that, with a slight increase to the state budget, more cities could have "received a passing grade."

The author of the current study is Americans for Sensible Solutions of Reseda, California. Scientist Josh Bateman said the study tallies availability of free government services, pleasant weather, access to beaches and movie stars, and tolerance of local police to public drunkenness.

Thirty-two California cities made the Top 100 in the study. A significant factor was that Californians are entitled to the full 99 weeks of unemployment compensation under the recent federal stimulus bill. Mr. Bateman avails himself of these payments. "They canned me simply for speaking truth to power," he says. He believes it may take the full 99 weeks for his ex-employer, whom he did not name, to realize the utility of hiring him back at a salary that would make up for past abuses.

In a small apartment here, Mr. Bateman and assistants Jen and Missy ("She's just a friend") assemble e-mails to be sent to the City Rooms of America's local newspapers, advising each of their city's numerical "score" and letter "grade."

Another factor boosting Wikia City's results is the fact that Jessica Alba maintains a pied-a-terre here, just off Main Street. "I loved her in Fantastic Four," says Mr. Bateman.