User:TheLedBalloon/Archives10

Oh baby...

Pop yo talk page cherry --Charitwo^Talk 05:24, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

That was fast, Mr. Charitwo, which is coincidentally what she said. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 05:24, Dec 29

How about

Huffing Zaib ekram? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 01:22, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

No problem, but you should really be posting this sort of thing on QVFD. That's where the party's at, yo. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:24, Dec 30

Yeah, but I just watched you huff something on Recent changes and thought this would work faster. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 01:25, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Meh, it makes no difference, really. I have QVFD watchlisted, so it lights right up in RC. The only reason QVFD is usually safer is because I might've just left, and then you'd be talking to no one, and you'd look outright silly in front of everyone. Then everyone would whisper about you behind your back, and they'd say that you're crazy when of course you're not, but they wouldn't care and they'd make faces at when you're not looking, and spread terrible, awful lies lies LIES around about you and they wouldn't stop no matter how many times you tell them that I'M NOT FUCKING CRAZY, GOD DAMMIT!!!! ...hypothetically speaking, I mean. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:33, Dec 30

Please don't tell anyone lies about me. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 01:37, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Testing out the new sig!

Test, yo. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:55, Dec 30

It's pretty. Not as pretty as my new sig, though. —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:01, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

My new sig could totally beat up yours in a fight. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:16, Dec 30

Oh? You still got them balloons, boy. I got that long line at the front of my sig that could pop yo ass right outta the sky. —Sir SysRq (talk) 16:34, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, but look at all that gray. It's like metal, man. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:44, Dec 30

Well mine's got graduating colours! NYEH!--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 17:47, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, but fucking metal, man! I'm like the guy from X-Men with the thingies in his hands who's all like SHIING and then he cuts shit up and it's like FUCK YEAH, man, FUCK YEAH! But seriously, dude. Metal. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:51, Dec 30

How do you know mine isn't made OF DIAMOND! Then I'd slice up your metal like some kind of soft metal!--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 17:53, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Fire melts metal, and my sig's on fire man. Fire. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 17:53, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Dude, my metal could totally beat up your sissy diamond. The diamond would be all like, twinkley twinkley, and then the metal would come in and be like WHITCHAH and totally cut that shit up. It would happen. As for the fire, man, didn't you see the blue letter of my sig? S'fuckin' water, man! You'd be like, oooh, look at me, I'm fire, but then I'd come in and be like WATER, FOOL, and you'd go all pssssss. It would also happen. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:57, Dec 30

Your sig is red, it would need to be white hot to melt metal. I win again--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 17:56, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

I'm sorry Woodburninator, you're fired. ha...--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 18:00, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

What's a sig?

Got me.

I think it's one of these. T.W.B. NotM, CUN, AoTM, UN:HS

It'll never catch on. P.M., RotM, & KUN, Sir Led BallUUn (Sick Sock) (Contribs)

We are NOT doing this again. SirS.R.Esq. VFH | CUN | Natter | Lt? | Pee 20:47, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Not doing what again?--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 21:24, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

This -> The President of Iran WOODY! DeathLife? to the infidels! Go USA? 21:53, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Don't tell me I missed the bandwagon! The LedBallon (ledtalk) (ledstalk) 23:28, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

AberdeenBikers

Why was this huffed?

86.131.172.206 10:41, 31 December 2008 (UTC)

It was 4 lines long with no indication that the author would expand it into a full page. If you'd like, I can restore it for you with a {{Construction}} tag, and you'd have more time to work on it. Want me to bring it back for you? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:52, Dec 31

My fault. Should have put the construction tag. It will be added to by members. Please restore it.

Thanks very much.

Meepmeep 00:20, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

Sure, here you go. Good luck, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:14, Jan 1

Leddy

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Special:Contributions/Familyguyrulz --Charitwo^Talk 23:36, 31 December 2008 (UTC)

Dammit! Olipro beat me. And I was gonna take a shot at family guy, too. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:37, Dec 31

SLAPPY NEW YEAR LED WOOH!!!

I'M THE FIRST POST OF THE YEAR WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!

(did you know this is the first time I've posted all year ;) --McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 00:45, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

Allow me to give my first Huzzah! of the new year. Huzzah! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:15, Jan 1

Yo.

Hey LedBalloon, Gumbal1 ressurected another forum topic. Maybe it's time to ban the guy. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 20:13, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I hit him with the 'hammer. Btw, ban patrol is usually the right place for things like this. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:39, Jan 1

Thank you for voting.

Thank you for voting. Thank you all for voting me your Writer of the Month for December 2008, despite my rather long winded speech half-telling you not to while still being whore enough to accept the award anyways. Enjoy this pretty template styled after my pretty new userpage as your payment, as per our previous agreement. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:49, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1st January 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

January 1st, 2009 • Issue 29 • The first newspaper to wish you a Happy Christmas 2009!

The UnSignpost starts 2009 as it ended 2008: Late The UnSignpost, the wiki newspaper with the highest staff turnover on the interwebs, has made a promising start to 2009, by being late with the first issue of the year. Gentleman editor UU said "I could say the issue was ready on time, but it was tricky to find a paperbot, but we at the Signpost have never hid behind excuses. Oh no, wait, we do that all the time. I couldn't be bothered to hunt hard enough to find a paperbot. Sorry. Still, it's not like the readers expect better, is it?" Several readers were probably available for comment, but we didn't ask them anything and blatantly made one up: "it wouldn't be the UnSignpost if it arrived on time", Orian57 might have said, if we'd asked him. The Patronising New Year EditorialTM If you follow a sensible calendar, and not a Chinese, Jewish, Muslim, Celtic or whatever one, a New Year has just dawned, bringing with it the faintest vestiges of hope. Hope that things may just be different this time. Hope that we may keep a resolution for longer than a week. Hope that we will achieve all those targets our hearts desire. Hope that mankind may finally rise above the pettiness of squabbling between families, religions and nations, and unite in a glorious surge towards a bright, common future. From this we can infer that Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption didn't have a clue what he was on about - hope is a ridiculous thing, and should be crushed as soon as possible. However, there is still the possibility, however remote, that something good might happen. Active users might start writing more good articles again. VFH might start to flow like it used to. Old users may return, invigorated, to bestow upon us fresh fruits of their imaginations. New users may arrive to take up the baton, and stride boldly forward, blessing us with a wealth of new articles that inject fresh purpose and impetus to the site. Don't look like that - it might happen. Well, monkeys might also fly out of your butt. Depends if teleportation technology ever becomes viable, widely available, and small enough to secure in such a narrow location. Face it, we haven't a clue what this year holds for us yet, folks, all we can do is try and make it the best we can by writing more articles, and helping new users out, and see where we go from there. This is your UnSignpost, patronising the fuck out of you. Happy New Year! Kevin Rudd says Uncyclopedia is the worst By Joe9320 Recently, Kevin Rudd said that Uncyclopedia is the worst. In his statement when he was at his speech in Beijing, China, he said "Uncyclopedia is the worst. They put up articles of disgust, nonsense and rudeness. Fuck Uncyclopedia! It's just a plain ripoff of Wikipedia" Then he went on to say how Uncyclopedia is bad. He also said "Illogicopedia is nonsensical, but much better than Uncyclopedia. Even Wikipedia doesn't have anything disgusting on it, despite articles about rude words". As the people of Uncyclopedia, we totally disagree on Mr Rudd's comments on Uncyclopedia. People should realise that this great website is not a ripoff of Wikipedia. Hail Cthulhu!

Check out these pages! Something about us being the worst, maybe? Possessive pride The "bring back Gert" bandwagon starts here Upstanding songwriting competition From our logs: 14:04, 26 December 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.59.56.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (For doing something to a page on Phil Collins. You have terrible taste.) 12:56, 25 December 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked YourFriend (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (If I shove a Christmas tree up your ass, does that make you an angel?) 21:23, 18 December 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.182.114.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Your edits are bad on a scale I haven't seen in quite some time. You'd be the chosen one if the goal of this wiki was to make shitty stubs about your friends.) Biopic of the Week Proudly the worst since 2005, Uncyclopedia is the place all subscribers to this newspaper will have edited at least once. That means you are directly responsible for its worstness. We hope you feel suitably chastened. Year of the week 2008. As far as years went, it was OK - there were days in it, things happened and whatnot. People joined, people left, people returned, people lurked, people vandalised, and drama was never far away. But it's probably the best year we've had for at least 8 months. Year that hasn't happened yet of the week. 2022. We just get a good feeling about it. It'll probably suck now. Exhortation to vote on stuff of the week We at the UnSignpost know how much you all love voting, so what better treat than the bumper crop of New Year voting pages? Top 10 of Dec, WotY, UotY, PotY, WotM, UotM, PotM, RotM, VFH, VFD... How much fun can you have in one month?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 01:05, 3 January 2009 (UTC)

Image: Hv banned.jpg

Ummm... any particular reason you deleted this again? It was being used, but you went ahead and huffed it again for no particular reason at all. I would like to kindly ask that you please restore it.--100% 20:21, 4 January 2009 (UTC)

That ED page is too cluttered as it is, and more images aren't going to help that. Also, ban evasion is bad. Don't do it. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:51, Jan 4

Adopt

Adopt me please!! --Halsoft

Sure, consider yourself adopted! If you like, you can add {{adoptee|TheLedBalloon}} to your userpage, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask me right here on my talk page. I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can, somewhere between school and homework. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:13, Jan 6

Oh, and I meant to ask, you don't seem to have a timestamp after your signature, are you just typing the code out? If so, that's way too much work--just sign with four tildes, like so: ~~~~. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:15, Jan 6

Oh my it appears that I forgot where my home was! Well I'm back, I was wondering if you could tell me if my signiture was acceptable now or not feel free to respond here or on my talk page, I'm usually on midmorning during the week and late at night on the weekends... --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 15:39, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Yup, the sig's fine now. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:03, Feb 19

Yeah! --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 15:34, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

Article

I'm trying my hand at writing my first article that I won't abandon! I was wondering if you could tell me if it looks good and maybe give me a few pointers on HowTo:Attend a Library Book Sale --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 16:12, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Looks like you've got a decent start. I recommend moving it into userspace, though, (User:Halosoft/HowTo:Attend a Library Book Sale or some such title) so you don't have to worry about that ICU tag expiring. That way, even if you do run out of ideas, you can always come back to the page later on. Other than that, check out HTBFANJS - I used to read it every time I started an article, and it really does help. 'Tis a great guide. Good luck, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:05, Feb 24

Question?

Why when I edit and go to recent changes is thier green numbers and red numbers with either a plus or minus sign. I've been wondering about this for sime time now. --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 18:08, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

Also is banning fun... --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 18:25, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

The numbers just mean how many characters were added to(green) or removed from(red) the page they're next to. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:52, Feb 20

Yeah, it's only like THE GREATEST THING EVER! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:52, Feb 20

How does one become an admin and is it worth it? --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 03:51, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

You become an admin by doing a bunch of stuff around the site for a long time, all while not wanting to become an admin. And is it worth what? It's not like some kind of award, it's just a delete and ban button at the top of my screen to deal with shitty articles and vandals. I wouldn't worry about it, really. Writing is much more fun. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:00, Feb 21

Is it really that much of a hassle to be an admin? If so, why would you want to do it?... --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 04:08, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Most rational people don't. I accepted the offer when it came up because I figured I could help out the site a bit. And, hopefully I have. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:11, Feb 21

I thought maybe it would be fun to be an admin but I don't really see what other perks thier are besides being able to ban people. --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 04:14, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, it really isn't anything particularly special. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 06:18, Feb 21

How do you archive your talk page and such?--I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 04:14, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Personally, I do it by creating a userspace subpage and cutting and pasting all the content from my talk page into there. Once I save, I've got a clean, shiny talk page and a subpage full of talkywords in case I get nostalgic. There are a couple of other ways to do it, though. Wikipedia does a pretty good job of outlining them on this page, if you're interested. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 06:18, Feb 21

Next question, what is being adopted mean exactly?... --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 21:20, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Basically, I'm here to offer help if you need anything, talk page to ask questions on when you aren't sure of something, stuff like that. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:03, Feb 23

How and when do I become unadopted? If it is even possible... --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 15:52, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

NO, YOU'RE MINE, MINE FOREVER! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! ...Well, ok, not really. Actually, you're unadopted as soon as you feel like you're ready to move on and say so. Then I give you a sweet template and you're on your way. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:05, Feb 24

I created an article and it has a "in need of pics" template and I added some. Who puts these templates in place and can I remove the template now that I added a picture and does the same thing apply to the dead end article template? --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 14:31, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Just use your common sense, and take it off if the template's demands have been met. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:15, Mar 24

I was on VFH and some people have check marks in front of their names what does that mean? --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 13:00, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 8th January 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

January 8th, 2009 • Issue 30 • Suckling the Milk of News from the Teat of Truth

Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live By SysRq Recently, hundreds dozens some Uncyclopedians have joined the ranks of thousands of pizza-faced proud high school graduates and pre-pubescent twelve year old boys in the dysfunctional, loosely connected network of gamers known as Xbox Live. Among these traitors to Uncyclopedia were Orian57, a friend of the UnSignpost and frequently featured writer. Other Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live include The Woodburninator, Mhaille, Bonner, and Heerenveen. How could such successful Uncyclopedians go so wrong? I went undercover as "Pope Gustav" to expose these turncoats and find out why they abandoned the site in such numbers. The following is an actual transcript between me (under the alias "Pope Gustav") and Orian57 (under the alias "Orian57") on Xbox Live. Pope Gustav: Hey buddy, it's SysRq from Uncyclopedia. Orian57: Hello. You want to play some Horde? Pope Gustav: Yeah, man. We're playing on Gridlock, right? Orian57: Actually, Security is a much easier map for Horde. Pope Gustav: Cool. This is stunning evidence that Orian57, along with others, is leaving the site for the glamorous life of Xbox Live. When confronted with this transcript and these accusations, Orian replied that "I was just on Uncyclopedia today. I was just bored and wanted something else to do." Oddly enough, all of the other Uncyclopedians that have Xbox Live accounts that I spoke to also claimed to have "lives" outside of Uncyclopedia, lives that mainly consist of playing Halo 3. Article gets +21 votes on VFH By Mnbvcxz. Only a few days after going back to featuring "Today's Featured Article" for only one day, instead of the previous two, the article, The defense rests, your honor received 21 "for" votes and no "against" after a mere 3 days on VFH. The article, nominated on VFH by SysRq, and written by noted admin Modusoperandi, is the first article surpass +20 votes in a long while on VFH. Upon hearing of his accomplishment, Modus is heard to have said, "I'd like to thank all of the little people that I crushed to get where I am," and, "Can I wear my Kernel Popcorn costume?" SysRq, the article nominator is quoted as saying, "I was the one who nommed that article; I deserve some recognition." For those of you are new around here, VFH is the process by which uncyclopedia nominates articles for "Today's Featured Article", the article in the top left corner on the mainpage. All users of uncyclopedia, including anonymous ip users are encouraged to vote on VFH and nominate articles on VFH. VFH can be found here, but typing in VFH in the search box, by clicking the "Votes for Highlight" link under the community links on the right (it's second from the bottom between "Pee Review" and "Votes for Pictures"), and Uncyclopedia:VFH, in addition to several other redirects. Many users have expressed approval of this accomplishment, as the more votes an article gets, the better an article is. Therefore, by voting on an article, one injects more quality into an article, in the same way that manufacturers "inspect" quality back into a finished part. Additionally, the admins will not longer be forced to torture various cute animals to inspire users to vote in VFH: provided VFH doesn't stall out again.

Check out these pages! Serious Bitchin' Business Women farting on baked goods... Who was that guy? From our logs: 14:30, 7 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.249.151.205 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (hi hi poop? That's the best you can do?) 22:38, 6 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.201.148.112 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (People who don't learn need to get extra lessons via their anus. Well, I'm here to give extra lessons. Bend over mister!) 15:22, 4 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 79.175.81.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (1nd, I have 2 dads, and 2th, just because I am the product of dirty, dirty incest, and also a fuckface, that is no reason to blank my talkpage. Fuckface.) Biopic of the Week Whatever else you say about Mordillo, you can't say he's idle. Except in real life, because he's spending all his time on his computer, banning asshats, deleting crap, making stuff happen, writing quality articles, and sorting shit out. Of course, as he's a Zionist, it's all part of a wider conspiracy to control our very thoughts, but that's probably a small price to pay for such an efficient admin. Old School Featured Article of the Week I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice. And they always come up snake eyes. The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years. Translated Uncyclopedia Article of the Week Drill Sergeant in Mexican. ¡UN INSTRUCTOR DE ENTRENAMIENTO ES LO QUE CARAJOS SOY! ¡DESDE AHORA NADA VENDRÁ DE ESA INMUNDA COLADERA LLENA DE CACA QUE USTED LLAMA BOCA! ¡SÓLO RESPONDERÁ CON 'SÍ SEÑOR' O 'NO SEÑOR'! ¿¡ENTIENDE RECLUTA!? Read the original. The welcome(?) return of Cajek ban of the week 09:46, 7 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Cajek, you have no idea how wasted I am. 15 shots of gin and somehow I'm still awake. And blocking you. Fuck yes.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 16:09, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

;)

Hi.Can you adopt me, pwease!:D--NekoKeichii-chan 20:49, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

In the as yet unreplied-to words of someone just above me, sure, consider yourself adopted! If you like, you can add {{adoptee|TheLedBalloon}} to your userpage, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask me right here on my talk page. I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can, somewhere between school and hockey. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:43, Jan 11

Heehee. That means your mom is a hockeymom. See you at practice, Track. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:52, 11 January 2009 (UTC)

Who's this Track? SOMEONE I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT!? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:32, Jan 12

Track Palin? Her eldest son? You didn't memorize the Palin kids' names? Dude, they're Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, and Piper. How can you not know something that hilarious? —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:38, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

I don't want you hanging around those Palin children anymore, SysRq. They're a bad influence on you. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:05, Jan 12

What, since when is using state money for my own vacations and then telling everyone that my boyfriend fathered my illegitimate baby until it came out black (and naming it Tripp) being a bad influence? —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:47, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

Who's this Tripp? SOMEONE I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT!? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:48, Jan 12

Thankfully, no, since he came out black. Dodged a bullet there. I'm going home now. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:40, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

Who's this Home? SOMEONE I SHOULD TAKE THIS JOKE TOO FAR WITH!? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:49, Jan 12

Give Sys his day in the sun?

Hi there adminny type. Do you feel like updating Template:MonthlyAwards to show December's lucky winners? Just thought I'd ask, really. I'm sure Sys would get some quiet satisfaction from seeing his name on the front page and all. --UU - natter 11:44, Jan 12

Sorry I couldn't get to this UU, had to run off to school. Looks like Mordillo took care of things though, so all is well in wikiland...for now... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:40, Jan 12

It's okay, it's not like I noticed or anything. =] FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:42, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

No worries Led, I just saw you on RC and figured I'd ask. I just waited for the next passing admin and Bob's your auntie's bit of rough. --UU - natter 19:50, Jan 12

Yeah, I thought as much. Also, while do I have an uncle named Bob, it seems like an odd name for an aunt. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:53, Jan 12

So let's all press SysRq and see if he squeaks. ~ 20:10, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

I can assure you that I do not. I do, however, poot, squeel, hiss, pop, crack, creak, moan, and cry. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:37, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

hi i am poopoopoo

i want to be adopted, oh by the way i have aproblem with thewikidestroyer. thewikidestroer wants to wreck uncyclopedia to contain him we need to put hard logic problems on flogic – Preceding unsigned comment added by Poopoopoo (talk • contribs)

I certainly am saying this a lot lately... Sure! consider yourself adopted! If you like, you can add {{adoptee|TheLedBalloon}} to your userpage, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask me right here on my talk page, and I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:16, Jan 15

Hi I'm new

Can you adopt me?--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 20:11, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

You're not new. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:17, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Sure, consider yourself adopted! If you like, you can add HEEYYYYYY... Wait just a darn minute! You're not new at all! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:19, Jan 15

He is, in fact, somewhat old. Take a look at the hairs sprouting on him. He's been sitting in a fridge outside of a Ziploc container. Grozz. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:35, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 15th January

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

January 15, 2009 • Issue 31 • Making the New York Times look like Mad Magazine (or is that the other way round?)

From The Desk of the Cabal: Incest and sex change are now bannable offenses From the desk of the cabal. Embedded with the last person who came looking for the cabal Following the sex change operations of citizen (now citizeness) Yettie, and several suspicious sexual activities in the Uncyclopedia compound, the Cabal hereby decrees the following: Sex changes are only allowed if the citizen wishes to become a voluptuous female. Any other operations are banned (particularly those who wish to become males, or just more manly looking, in order to improve their chances of scoring with various Uncyclopedians of either gender). Any sexual activities with family members is strictly prohibited. Exceptions are: members of the AAN family members, who can shag aunts and granddaughters as much as they'd like. Sex tax is now in affect. All sex acts taking place in Uncyclopedia are taxable. Taxes should be paid to Olipro no more than 24 hours after the act has taken place. Acceptable currencies are: Euros, Dollars, Pounds, Young Boys and Camels. Thank you citizens, this message was not delivered by the Cabal which does not exist. Behave nice, vote on VFH and obey the Cabal. The Cabal is your friend. Or it would be. If it existed. Pee Revuu? In a surprise move, Boomer, former dictator in absentia of PEEING, the group for opinionated users who enjoy nothing more than giving a good Pee Review, has announced his official retirement. His last official act was to appoint Under user, noted reviewer and maintainer of the Pee Review committee page, to his old position of Captain Catheter. Some regular pee reviewers are worried; Orian57 was heard to say "If UU is going to do Boomer's job, then who the hell are we going to get to do UU's old job of keeping track of pee reviews, judging the quality of pee reviews, and actually getting around to doing the occasional pee review? Don't look at me, I'm gay." UU himself dismissed such fears, pointing out that he's got nothing better to do with his time than arbitrarily judge the quality of other people's opinions anyway, and adding "I'm relieved to be taking up this position as it will drastically reduce the number of reviews I'm expected to do. Also, I'm thinking of introducing a policy of stripping Orian57, and only him, of his RotM award, his rank, his mittens and his right to drink hot chocolate ever again unless he does a bloody review some time soon". However, some users are still not convinced this is a good idea, or even possible. One, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "I seriously doubt that UU can do Boomer's job and his own at the same time. I mean, how can he be accused of being a lazy arse if he has almost twice as many good pee reviews as anyone else and does 75% of the pee review maintenance tasks? This ruins the running pee review committee in-joke about Captain Catheter not doing anything. There is no way this can work."

Check out these pages! Rcmurphy of the Year Mooses pops back for some bandwagon action The reason for 4pedia From our logs: 08:25, 13 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Tardman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (I love being a cunt, it makes my hair glow) 23:58, 12 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 218.186.12.218 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Replacing a page with 'Hey uncyclopedians, edit this please' is basically the same thing as replacing it with 'Hey uncyclopedia admins, ban me please.' Talk pages are your friend. Blanking is not.) 01:06, 12 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.135.165.198 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hey! I remember you! You evaded that ban that one time, remember? Good times, man, good times.) 15:17, 10 January 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modus Operandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 months ‎ (1 month for being an ass, the other for that stupid username.) Biopic of the Week It's hard to define the singular entity known as Modusoperandi in mere words. He's like Uncyclopedia's wandering troubadour of amusing non-sequiturs: roaming the land in search of discussions worthy of his absurdist input, sitting by the campfire of the conversation, treating those assembled to another whimsical one-liner, and then heading off toward another exchange where his presence is required. Kinda like the Littlest Hobo, but with jokes. And lots of awards, featured articles, admin powers and suchlike. VFD Delete vote of the week Delete How many half-baked, stale jokes can we fit on one page? More importantly, how can something be stale and yet only half-baked? by Syndrome on Awesomeness. Transatlantic jaunt of the week After many months in the hands of that most malevolent of dictators, the United States date format, the New Year allowed our stand-up English editor to put the UnSignpost printing presses on a 747 to what this journalist considers the correct British format! Rejoice! (Note: What you paid for this paper may or may not have gone on the presses' ticket. We don't know. It may also have gone on that booze over there.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 21:35, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Votes

Hey this is the guy that wrote Scary Movie. This was my very first article nominated and I was concerned by your vote and wanted to know exactly what it is I could do to make this article a bit better in more detail. I understand you may be too busy but if you could help at all that would be great! Thanks alot! --Tagstit 05:05, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm...do you mind if I fiddle with the article a little bit? It really is almost there, and has the concept of a featured article driving it. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:10, Jan 17

No, id be very happy if a more skilled person did a little fix up. I was told many good things about you from Sysrq so do anything you want to it! --Tagstit 05:15, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Alright, sure. I really just wanna add some commas and rephrase a couple things...just a second... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:34, Jan 17

Sure go right ahead! Tell me when you are done!--Tagstit 05:35, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Alright, here's what I done. Do the changes agree with you? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:43, Jan 17

Ya, I really like the wording better. The bit I read flowed nicely. Thanks alot! Anything else I could do?--Tagstit 05:51, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Nope, I think I'm fine with it. Good luck on VFH, sir! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:53, Jan 17

Thanks alot! Your time means alot! See ya around! --Tagstit 06:00, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Glad to help. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 06:06, Jan 17

SlappyBag

Why has no-one written a page on Fatpuss? 'Writer of the Year' me bollocks. Where's your dedication? --noamshouseparty 09:42, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

We're not wikipedia, we won't have articles about every movie you've ever seen. I presume its a movie from your edit summary otherwise I wouldn't have had any idea. However if you can make it both accessable and funny why not write it yourself? Also hi Leddy, why do I never come here, you're cool. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:59 18 January 2009

I haven't written a page on it because I've never seen (or indeed even heard of) it. However, I bet you've never seen Troll 2, so you're really just as much to blame, here. Also, I never won writer of the year. It's my white whale, except instead of a large marine mammal that reflects the entire spectrum of visible light, it's an annual award from Uncyclopedia. Trust me though, the similarity is there. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:40, Jan 18

No for God's sake it is NOT a movie. Here's your intro - Alan 'Fatpuss' Bradley is a Dublin-based criminal mastermind and general knacker-man, who has staged several robberies and is a blight on the lives of other scobey thugs from Tallaght. He's Fatpuss, basically! Check his bad self here...[1]. PS There's no tea in the kitchen at work so I'm drinkin' coffee for the first time and it is AWFUL. --noamshouseparty 20:05, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm. Sounds like an interesting character. You should write an article about him, or something. And I dunno what's wrong with your coffee, but mine's great. (Coffee is the purple one with the fruit in it, right?) - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:28, Jan 22

No offence or anything, but to me, all coffee in general tastes like the wrong end of an armadillo. In Soviet Russia, coffee'd rather eat the scabs off a hobo's face than drink me!! see what i did there? heh heh heh(laughs weakly, fades into oblivion) --noamshouseparty 05:37, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

Dude I was writing an article of boom boom binkleberry. Why did you huff it? – Preceding unsigned comment added by N-is-for-Norris (talk • contribs)

The version I huffed was posted on QVFD. It was about 4 lines long, kinda random, and for some reason you seemed to be CAPITALIZING RANDOM PHRASES. It looks like you've been trying to add to it, though--that's fine, just tag it with {{WIP}} or {{construction}} next time, so that the admins know you're still working on it, and it won't be deleted. I'll restore it for you with the tag, so you can work on it. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:38, Jan 19

Alright, here you go. Make sure you expand that a bit and build it into a full article. Also worth a read is HTBFANJS, a great guide for writing. Anyways, good luck with your page. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:41, Jan 19

Extant

I'm a-gonna hafta fight ya over them words thar, varmint.

I maintain that "extant" is the correct technical term in this case, in that in connotation it stands as opposed to "no longer existing" or "lost" or "destroyed". I will defer to you, however, if you threaten to kill me over it.

--TPLN 00:39, 20 January 2009 (UTC)

Huh, I didn't even think that was a word--I just assumed you tyop'd 'existent'. I stand corrected, sir! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:16, Jan 20

Hey yo

I see you're being active, and there isn't a feature queued yet. Could this be fate? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 00:02, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Mmmkay, all set. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:30, Jan 23

2 Girls 1 Calculus Equation - The Movie

You up for it? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 00:32, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

What, you mean writing an unscript based on that article? Seems kinda...redundant, to me. Recursive, too. Like we'd be doing the same thing over again. You know, kinda redundant. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:36, Jan 23

:( -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 00:35, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

You do realise you're five days in the past? And there's a paty going on in the future! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:37 28 January 2009

Thanks for the advice.

I am Justice! aka: Halsoft.

Sockpuppet=

Leo Trotsky is admitting he was a sockpuppet on his user page. He said:

"My old account was B0n b0ns(so Im not a noob, I was here since 2005 or 2006, but that account was banned on account of blasphemy against The great mother Sophia. I have changed my ways and hope to be of assistance to the greater good of the commune."

His old account was permabanned by you on October 6th, 2008, @ 01:40 GMT. (Hence the reason I mentioned it here.) He looks like he might be a good faith editor now, but he did "sign" something with my username @ User:YesTimeToEdit/mafia/enrol. It wasn't mysig per say, so it might have been an honest mistake. --Mnbvcxz 18:00, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

As long as he stays on the straight and narrow, I'm fine with him being around. Keep an eye on him for me though, and if he screws up again, let me know either here or on ban patrol. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:41, Jan 26

Missed opportunity

That ban reason for the musical philistine - surely you could have referenced 666 seconds: the ban length of the beast, or something? (/me sits back and waits for the inevitable). --UU - natter 23:03, Jan 26

22:35 . . TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Under User (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 666 indiscriminate units of time (Telling me how to do my job: Harumph!)

Also, nearly midnight where you are? I haven't even started homework yet! Of course, I've also been at hockey practice all day, so there's that. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:25, Jan 26

Chicago

Chicago has had a rather difficult last few days. Could you protect or semi-protect it for a while, to end the headaches? Pretty please? Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:15, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Certainly, my good man. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:19, Jan 27

This is the most foncusing thing ever

So... I made an article about sitars. Is it funny? Maybe. When do I find out if it stays or goes? I can't make sense of this place. I think it may be because I keep clicking on links that only make me laugh. I'm so foncused. Please help? Mammolastan 17:39, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Dude formatting. And it kinda of takes everyone a little while to get used to this place. As to you're question you can always submit it to Pee Review and you will get an opinion on the article there. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:52 27 January 2009

What do you mean by "dude formatting?" Mammolastan 19:21, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

The fact you put it in a box was totally unescessary really (don't put spaces before you start a line). Also use one more colon to indent than the person you are replying to used. Also try not to leave blank lines between messages. Also I'm glad to see a new user around here! Have fun, and feel free to come see me if you need help with anything (I'm sure leddy would have helped too I just got here first.) :). ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:26 27 January 2009

There, I have just formatted this for you. All comments should just be typed normally with one more colon at the beginning than the last comment. The first comment should just be typed normally, no need to indent or block it off like you did. Sorry if this sounds like I'm scolding you, I just wanna make sure you know this now so that you can have a happy and productive stay here at Uncyc. Cheers! (thanks for the edit conflict, Orian) —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:30, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Anything for you, babe. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:35 27 January 2009

Did you just call him babe?--~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:48, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, babe. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:53 27 January 2009

It's important to remember that Orian and I have borderline violent, impersonal sex rather often. At least, I try to keep it impersonal. And then I get home to four messages on my answering machine. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:58, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Ahh, everything makes more sense now.--~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:59, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

They've been dating for ages, BEHIND MY BACK. Those two. Bastards! - [20:10 27 January 2009] YYettie

Dating? Who said anything about dating? We're talking about sex here, not love. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:15, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

I always thought it was just sex. And I was okay with that. I was like "meh, it's just sex". But then I found out that it was more. It was love. And I was like "that's not cool, they love each other". YOU ARE SO DATING! - [20:21 27 January 2009] YYettie

The fuck do you care, Orian is gay. I mean, I'm not, but I'll fuck just about anyone. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:30, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Cocks. - [20:32 27 January 2009] YYettie

Cool. Thanks, people. Mammolastan 20:33, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Glad to have helped. Cocks is a mighty word of help and shit. - [20:35 27 January 2009] YYettie

Oh yeah, we were supposed to be helping you. You're welcome buddeh. Also, FU EDIT CONFLICT. Third one today, what the fuck. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:36, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey guys. Is it a party up in here? I certainly hope so. At any rate, the article seems like a pretty solid start, but as is you have a problem I think I used to have when I started out, too--you introduce topics and ideas but do nothing with them. When you tell us something like "the sitar has been banned in various locations since the Middle Ages," tell us why, too. Did an errant troubadour with a grudge against a gossipy priest lash out in anger, violently accosting the cleric with the only thing he had on hand--the sitar? Perhaps the Royal Duke of Earl, Bucketpants III, paid a spy to assassinate his rival, the Archwaffle Dingdong McGee of south-southwestern Scotland, The Pope's Chief of haggis, outraging lovers of the dish. ...or something. The point is, comedy is in the details. As always, chiggity check out HTBFANJS, because it's a badass guide and reading it through will only help your writing improve. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:56, Jan 27

What are you doing here? —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:03, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

I heard it was a party up in here. It is a party up in here, right? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:05, Jan 27

If by "party" you mean "anus" then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:19, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Hawt. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:22, Jan 27

If by "hawt" you mean "anus", then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:33, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

You know, I'm beginning to notice a trend in these comments you keep leaving... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:36, Jan 27

If by "trend" you mean "anus" then yes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:42 27 January 2009

If by "yes" you mean "no", then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:13, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

God dammit, guys. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:43, Jan 27

Just passing by... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 23:44, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

If by "just" you mean "anus", then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:45, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

If by "mean" you mean "anus" then yes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:07 28 January 2009

If by "anus" you mean "anus" then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:09, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

If by "—Sir SysRq (talk)" you mean "anus" then yes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:11 28 January 2009

If by "~Orian57~ ~Talk~ " you mean "FUCKING FAGGOT WHORE ANAL BANDIT CUM DUMPSTER" then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:19, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey this is like how me and Yettie used to fight, before he became all sullen and distant. Also you're a cyberbullying homophobe -- WITH AIDS. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:21 28 January 2009

If by "cyberbullying" you mean "anus", then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:23, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

If by "If by "cyberbullying" you mean "anus", then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:23, 28 January 2009 (UTC)" you mean "anus" then yes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:25 28 January 2009

Okay, now you're blowing my mind. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:27, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

If by "blowing" you mean "penis" then yes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:28 28 January 2009

Is this gonna get as pointless as "Last person to edit wins" or "Count to a million"? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 00:36, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

If by "pointless" you mean "anus" then yes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:39 28 January 2009

Poop. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:39, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

If by "poop" you meaAh fuck it. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:40, Jan 28

If by "meaAh" you mean "anus" then yes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:41 28 January 2009

If by "anus" you mean "Please rape me!" then yes. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 00:44, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

Oh ok! Cool, consentual rape. There's prbably a song in that. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:46 28 January 2009

"I put the 'sensual' back in 'consensual sex'..." —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:51, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

You really don't. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:52 28 January 2009

If by "really" you mean "Arye eats dead babies:the movie really sucks" then yes. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 00:55, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

If by "babies" you mean "anus" then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:58, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

I like to fuck babi---er anus! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 01:02 28 January 2009

If by "userbox" you mean "anus" then yes.

"Anus"

If by "TheLedBalloon" you mean "anus" then yes.

"Anus"

—Sir SysRq (talk) 01:14, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

"PENIS"

If by "TheLedBalloon" you mean "Penis" then yes.

"PENIS"

~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 01:20 28 January 2009

"LoL"

Humorous userbox of some kind.

"LoL"

- T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:23, Jan 28

If by "humourous userbox of some kind" you mean "anus" then yes~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 01:24 28 January 2009

Heya, this is the user Cloyster here, you delted my Uncyclopspedia article a few minutes ago (it was my first article.) Why?

My first page deleted-answers?

Hey, this is the user Cloyster, about an hour or so I made my account, and then my first page: Uncyclopspedia. A short while after you deleted it, why? Sorry, I'm a noob to these things. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Cloyster (talk • contribs)

Hey Cloyster, I just replied on your talk page--chiggity check it out there. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:25, Jan 29

UnSignpost 22 + 7 (+1) January

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

January 22 + 7, 2009 • Issue 32 • Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Zionists consolidate wiki power By The rather nervous junior horoscope writer accidentally promoted to editor in chief Yeah the st-story is, erm, about Mr Mor-Mordillo’s erm asce-ascent—rise to new power. He was, eh, pr-promoted to erm, Be-Beu- Bureaucrat? Which, erm, me-means he can- can now do- do th-things he cou-couldn’t d-d-do b-before; Kind-kind of like m-my pro-pro-promotion. Heh-heh, th-that was a j-jo-joke. S-some Un-Uncyclope-Uncyclopedians th-think this p-p-proves s-s-s-something abou-about so-some s-sort of J-Je-Jewish, erm, conspiracy. Or-or something, I-I’m n-not really sh-sh-sure why that was meant to be funny. Pro-pro-probably was-was-wasn’t. So-sorry. Th-the decision ca-came about b-b-because of th-the fuh-fuh-forum voting process in-in-initiated b-by Under—Under user wh-who was u-u-upset tha-that Bureaucrat C-C-Codeine had decided to leave. After s-some ti-time voting it-it was d-d-decided that Mordillo w-w-would become a Bureaucrat and that C-C-C-Codeine wasn’t leaving a-a-after all! Which was g-g-good. M-M-Mordillo di-didn’t ma-make a c-c-comment s-so I-I’ve b-been told t-to make one u-up. Erm, “Ha ha ha! N-Now you-you’re all un-under my thumb!” Or something, that that wasn’t really f-funny ei-either. Sorry, M-Mordillo, it-it’s not my W-words! Image:Do a jailbait.jpg Determined to be a Shemale By Mnbvcxz and Orian57 To the relief of Uncyclopedians everywhere, notorious image "Do a jailbait" has been scientifically proven not be a girl. Originally, many suspected that the disturbing and disturbingly attractive image was that of young girl: age estimates ranging from jail bait age down to "pedo-bear approves" age. However, due to much "research" on the internet regarding the appearance shemales who are just over the age of consent, it has been determined that said image was in fact a young shemale. Researchers said the hairy arms and the huge penis of the lady in question proved without reasonable doubt that the image can not be that of a girl. Many in the Uncyclopedia community were relived by the news. Orian57 in particular who stated the child was “quite sexy.”, on the image talk page, was relieved to find he could no longer be considered bisexual. Some worry about the continuing freedom of Sockpuppet of an unregistered user after his comment: “I don't care. Me wanna rape!”

Check out these pages! Think of the Grues, won't someone please think of the Grues? Looks like the cool and sexy admins IP is back under another different name then Virtually nothing From our logs: 19:48, 22 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Jeus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (And the Lord said, "Let there be bannination," and there was bannination, and one more asshat was kept off of the wiki, and the Lord looked and he saw that it was good.) 03:30, 19 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.27.241.181 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking talk pages is annoying. Your inability to take a joke is even more annoying. The fact that you haven't yet been banned for either is the most annoying of all. I can fix one of those.) 02:47, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked CANIHASTHISPLEEZ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Looks like somebody needs to get a life. This nice little ban will keep Uncyclopedia from getting in the way of that.) Biopic of the Week To some, a meaningless jumble of letters, Mnbvcxz is much, much more than that. In fact, he's much, much more than you could possibly imagine. In fact, he's so much more that trying to explain it in a small box in a wiki newspaper is futile, particularly if you spend so much time explaining that you can't explain his awesomeness that you leave yourself little space to try. Still, he reviews, categorises, helps out and does stuff. But that's only the tip of the iceberg that is Mnbvcxz! Reason why the UnSignpost is a week late of the fortnight The editor was busy, and totally lacked inspiration. Want to make sure the paper is on time next week? Give us a story in the press room! Cajek ban of the fortnight 05:21, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a spanking ‎ (20 bans in August, 9 in September, 10 in October, Just 2 in December and 2 in January. Disgraceful.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 02:35, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

RAAAWR

RAAAAAWR. Gavin would like to thank you once more for sympathizing with him enough to vote for his book to be among the top ten books of 2008. Unless, of course, you happen to be a transsexual, in which case you are a freak and should not email him. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:49, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Hey Leddy

Wassup?

(also, i edited my old article some, tell me what you think of the edits) ~ NEZLR

Hey dude, I'll check it out in a little bit, whenever I get a chance... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:58, Feb 3

Mmkay, here's what I thought--actually, I rather liked what you've done with the page. Most of the changes seemed pretty positive to me (I was looking at this diff), though I'd say the changes you made under the "two" header were a step in the wrong direction. Personally, I think that section works better by being shorter and punchier. In general, your page is an Uncyclopedian oddity because it does bluntness and randomness pretty darn well--in my opinion, anyway. It's getting late, so I may be a little bit off my rocker--well, more off my rocker than usual. Speaking of which, I should probably get to sleep... If you've got any more specific questions, drop me a line and I'll get back to you tomorrow, or if you want you could even go get a Pee Review. Ask someone here for a review and you're guaranteed a good one. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:33, Feb 3

Can you plx vote for it in VFH? ~ NEZLR

Voted! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:53, Feb 4

Hey.

Just passing through and I thought I'd drop a line to say "Hey". So.

Hey.

-OptyC Sucks! CUN23:31, 3 Feb

OptyC! Welcome back! How's things? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:32, Feb 3

Things is things, you know how it is. Or maybe you don't. I can never keep track of who really knows about things. What's new with you? -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:34, 3 Feb

Not too much, really. Hockey practice and trumpet lessons were cancelled tonight due to snow-induced god-awful driving conditions, but lately I've been busy as hell with those and school. Planning to help a couple friends cover Afraid to Shoot Strangers for some school coffeehouse talent show type thing, too. Sleep is way overrated, anyway. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:41, Feb 3

Sleeptime is when the bad man comes....

Dude, I forgot you played hockey! How can one person contain so much awesome? -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:51, 3 Feb

The trick is actually to wear a bulletproof vest, but inside out. :D - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:04, Feb 4

Dude, I forgot you played trumpet! How can one person contain so much homo? (haha, I love my tuba) —Sir SysRq (talk) 02:42, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Same way I contain the awesome. And you're just jealous that my instrument is louder. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:44, Feb 4

Are you kidding? Tuba can out-toot any trumpet any day of the week. I get up past my high Bb and I'll fill a fucking room. What kinda trumpet you got, shawty? —Sir SysRq (talk) 02:48, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Psh, I blow your "high" Bb away halfway up my range. And my trumpet is actually kind of a piece of crap--a Besson, I think. I've had for 6 or 7 years now, so I'm prolly due for a new one, maybe a Bach or somethin'. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:56, Feb 4

And I can blow your "low" F away at my midrange. Oh wait, perhaps I should say "G" since you trumpets have to call the notes something other than the concert pitch. At least tuba plays real notes and doesn't have to transpose shit. Also, you're ghey. —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:32, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

NO YOU ARE! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:55, Feb 4

Transposing little bitch! —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:05, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Fart-noise-making doodyhead! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:07, Feb 5

Red-faced kazoo blaster! —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Sousaphone-confused behemoth-toter! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:16, Feb 5

Puckered-lipped ear-rapist! —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:26, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Can I join in? Stupid not-even-bitches... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 00:27, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Puffy-cheeked rhythm-sectioner! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:29, Feb 5

Fair-weather performer! —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:43, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Bass clef-reading low-octave wanker! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:47, Feb 5

Treble clef transposing melody faggot! —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:48, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Reusing insults already, you multiphonics-playing chipmunk-face? I bet you can't even play Fnugg! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:01, Feb 5

Eh, you're right. Fnugg is godly. Wait a minute, neither could you! —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:08, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Nope, but I can play some Parliament. Listen to the studio version of that one--it grooves so hard! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:15, Feb 5

Gah gah GOO gah gahh! —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:28, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Indeed. Anyways, we should put away our inter-brass section differences so we can realize who really sucks--woodwinds. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:34, Feb 5

Yeah. Fucking alto sax. Can't play worth shit. It's called an octave, dumbass! You move between them, you don't just start the fuck over! You have an octave key for a reason! Fuck! —Sir SysRq (talk) 02:04, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

And don't even get me started on reeds! What the fuck is up with those, anyway? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:06, Feb 5

I know! It's like, what the hell? And I'm all like, fuck! —Sir SysRq (talk) 03:01, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:20, Feb 5

Dude, all I saw was trumpet and Afraid To Shoot Strangers and I thought "I gotta hear that!" I may, on a closer reading, have misinterpreted you slightly there. Shame. --UU - natter 15:19, Feb 4

If by "trumpet" you mean... -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:49, 4 Feb

Hehe. I'm so glad you're back. —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:55, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 5th February 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

February 5, 2009 • Issue 33 • It's Journalism Jim, but not as we know it.

The ‘of the Year’ run down of the year! By Orian57 So after a long neurotic month of blatant prostitution, secret e-mail canvassing, bribery and coercion in deciding who should win the various ‘of the Year’ awards (plus a completely normal five days of knowing who did) the results are in! UotY: Mordillo! Nominated (but not voted for) by UU with the reason “[he does] the big bad wolf stuff to keep fuckwits at bay.”. 21 Jew jokes later (“Jew that controls the internet”, “I feel I have to vote for him” and “I love this man. To the point that his girlfriend is seriously distraught by it”) Mordillo was the landslide victor a whole 12 votes ahead of the runner up, UU! And he deserved it too (though to be frank I deserved it more)! Our WotY was Modusoperandi! Narrowly beating Mhaille by 2 votes he was nominated by UU with the reasoning “…Tends to brighten my day whenever I see him, although that could be the light reflecting off his gleaming naked body.” Another 19 Canadian jokes ( “this silly Canadian”, “I never would have thought that casting a vote would be so painful as this” and “Modus is like maple syrup. On the outside he's all golden, sweet and sticky. On the inside however, he's all golden, sweet and sticky”) won him the award! (though to be frank I would have appreciated it more!) Next up was our winner of PotY, Prettiestpretty! She was nominated (but not voted for) by Mhaille because she is the “producer of some very impressive work” and has won the PotM twice! 18 girl jokes later (“such a foregone conclusion”, “She's earned this and then some” and “Unlike most people here, I'm actually going to give a reason for voting for PP. I'm even going to write two sentences explaining the reason.”) she deservedly won the award which she herself designed. (I don’t even know how to use MS paint but I’d still like to have been acknowledged). There was also an impromptu N00b of the Year award created that Rcmurphy ran off with. He was nominated by Spang with the reason “He really deserves it this time” and received 12 N00b jks (“How can you be a year old and still be a noob without being rcmurphy”, “He's still confused too” and “[Hyperbole is] regularly here and dangerously competent. Rc remains the quintessential n00b”). (*grumble* I started lurking in 2007…) Lastly and leastly there was the UGotY which was awarded to Wikia. Nominated by Mhaille with the reason “Wikia continue to raise the bar on defining what it means to be a Useless Gobshite”. He/she/it got 5 jokes that I don’t properly understand (“As much as I'd like to see Yettie take this, Wikia is both more useless and far more of a gobshite”, “it's rare to see such dedication to gobshitery” and “Outstanding contributions to fail.”). (Ok so I’m not bitter about loosing this.)

Check out these pages! Penis Pants Er, fox? From our logs: 1:33, 2 February 2009 Flyingfeline (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.169.166.86 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Oh, brilliant. Well, that's going to be fun for both of us. I wonder who'll get bored first?) 04:39, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.138.52.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Hey there! Remember me? I was the admin that asked you to stop failing so hard back in October. Now I'm asking again, but with a ban length 12 times longer.) 18:16, 29 January 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Sej (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ ("And He saw the work, and He was sore displeased; and He did smite the n00b with all his wrath". Book of Codeine, ch. 6, vs 9) Biopic of the Week YesTimeToEdit Commonly known as Yettie, he won N00b of the Month back in April 08 after writing a featured UnNews. He went on a crusade to gave us all more things not to care about than we can handle. Following another feature he deservedly won UGotM. There has also been some recent confusion about his gender. Cajek ban of the week 04:48, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 28 minutes ‎ (Apparently the UnSignpost has a 'Cajek ban of the week' section. This is my week!) Custom box #3 This box is empty. Imagine something nice here like a Caribbean holiday, getting sand in your shoes and arse crack while being blistered by sun you weren't made to handle and pretending to enjoy yourself.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  03:20, Feb 5

Purrrr...

Randomised hugging spree continues! This time, I'm huggin' some bloons.

*HUG!*

-- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 15:39, 6 Feb

*pop*

—Sir SysRq (talk) 23:11, 6 February 2009 (UTC)

*Blap*

~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:19 7 February 2009

*Onomatopoeia*

- T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:14, Feb 7

Oh that was clever. this guys good. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 01:20 7 February 2009

Oh, we aim to please. :) - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:27, Feb 7

Although on closer inspection, do hugs really shound like "hug"? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 01:29 7 February 2009

Mine do. Maybe you're just doing it wrong? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:32, Feb 7

So that's why people don't love me! I always thought it was the smell. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 01:34 7 February 2009

Well, I mean, it could be that, too. I told you, man, new car smell does not make a good deodorant. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:40, Feb 7

Neither does "crotch" scent. I lost millions. —Sir SysRq (talk) 02:18, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Millions of what exactly? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 03:08, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Crotches. Obviously. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:47 7 February 2009

Whoa, I turn away for a moment and people go all crazy over here. Did you see my block log virginity go? :P -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 17:04, 7 Feb

And by the way, is this some sort of pastel signature theme week?! -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 17:07, 7 Feb

If it wasn't before, it definitely is now. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:37, Feb 7

Ah well... *Sigh* ...want another hug? ^_^ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 17:40, 7 Feb

No thanks miss, I couldn't eat another bite. I'll just have the check please... Oh, and do you have any afterdinner mints? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:46, Feb 7

Wait a second... this isn't Bertucci's! How did I get here? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:46, Feb 7

O.o <-- The face of confusion. -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 17:49, 7 Feb

Hehe. Leddy, you make me laugh. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:23, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

/me hands SysRq the *cuddle* of Dillo's Wrath and runs, hoping someone else gets blocked this time... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 20:28, 7 Feb

Oh, I hope I don't do anything to get myself banned. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:39, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Don't worry about it. I reverted your edit. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 20:43, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

I saw that, you little shit. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:45, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Always the friendly type aren't we... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 23:51, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

I thought I reverted the edit... I've got that handy [rollback] button laying around here somewhere. Nooooo... my cat just ate it and someone beat me to it... :/ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 20:54, 7 Feb

I didn't mean to beat you... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 23:51, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Hey guys! Yo SysRq, in a continuation of that conversation a little higher up there, I just found an exceptionally badass reason to respect the tuba. This band rocks so triumphantly. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:40, Feb 8

Gasp. That was indeed badass. I never heard of them. I'll have to look them up. —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:52, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I just downloaded the album that song's on. It's cool, they mix that song's sound with rap in a bunch of songs, and come up with this funk rap punk jazz awesomeness mix. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:05, Feb 8

Flag icons.

You want to know what use they are, anywhere there are large numbers of countries really. I have already put them on the video game wars. --This post by Qweasd, a supporter of Kosovo independence. 23:38, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

If you say so, mate. 250 seems like a bit of overkill to me, but if you're gonna use 'em, go for it. By the way, your name used to be my password. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:34, Feb 8

My username used to be my password too.--This post by Qweasd, a supporter of Kosovo independence. 23:38, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

We have so much in common! You wanna hang out some time? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:39, Feb 8

Hay guise wtfs goin on in dis header --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 01:58, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

Good question. It's hard to remember because it's over 2 months old. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:54, Apr 17

Then let me recap: There are a bunch of orphaned images of tiny flags floating around. What to do? Stick them on relevant pages? Huff them? Wait for someone else to handle it? --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 03:12, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

I think I'll just recite the admin's creed: It's probably somebody else's job. Now, free bans for everyone! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:18, Apr 17

UnSignpost 12th February 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

February 12, 2009 • Issue 34 • Mainlining news direct to your talk page artery

Worrying influx of n00bs a threat to Uncyc's "worst" status By UU How can you resist my n00b power of cuteness? After the flow of n00bs slowed to a trickle at the tail end of 2008, 2009 has seen the site experiencing a veritable tidal wave of new editors, enthusiastically bounding around the site like wide-eyed puppies that have yet to meet Olipro, tramping mud into the carpet, and leaving half-eaten IPs on the floor of the Village Dump. Worse still, many of these new arrivals show early signs of being dangerously competent: writing funny articles; giving in-depth pee reviews; voting on stuff; helping folks out - generally making the kind of contributions that could, if the community is not careful, lead to the site losing its coveted "worst" status. Experienced editors queued up to condemn the invasion - "Very happy to see the influx in good new editors coming in, we've been devoid of that extra boost for far too long it seems" said RAHB, the bile seething from his every pore, while MrN spoke scathingly about "great additions to Uncyc". But is it too late? With competition for the NOTM award at its most fierce for months (4 noms and none of them Rcmurphy at the last count), it looks like it may be too late to reject this transfusion of new blood. Is there any hope for the long-term future of the proud traditions of the wiki under this relentless onslaught of new talent? A comment on Bullshit from MrN As a well known protagonist of the noble and honourable art of bullshitting I felt it my place to speak out regarding this most tricky of issues. Much has been said of late regarding the consistency, and texture of what we at Uncyc consider to be suitable for our beloved wiki. As you know, normal traditional (un-specified) crap we don't want, but there must always be room for more bullshit on Uncyclopedia. Some will no doubt consider my last comment to be horse shit, which (as you may know) has a slightly thicker consistency. The dilemma we must then face is how do we categorise and specify the fine (if rather smelly) line between what is crap and what is bullshit. The study of bull-crap may also been of concern to some readers, but I feel it not my place to enter that arena. This article stinks enough as it is. However... When considering bullshit, I feel it important to point out our rigorously defined guidelines regarding the use of bollocks as I feel many of the important principles apply. If I may quote: “Sometimes articles arrive at Articles for deletion which have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use a British term, Complete Bollocks. This is not always a bad thing.” ~ Uncyclopedia:Complete Bollocks I think that speaks for itself. Got it? So basically, we want more bullshit, some horse shit, and a liberal helping of complete bollocks. But NO CRAP. Unless it's crap which adds to the general stench of the article in question (assuming that stinking is what we want). Got it now? Well, look at it this way... There was a man who had three wives. No, that was Moses. Oh, so Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and says: "Well, lads. I got him down to ten, but adultery is still in." No wait. Sorry, that was complete bollocks. I'm drifting into the realms of pointless excrement, and what does this have to do with anything? Don't tell them that! So what was it I was talking about again? Oh, yea... Does anyone know where I left my slippers?

Check out these pages! Apparently, we had a "golden era" Only the Lonely Oh, it's nothing to do with marriage. I'm disappointed Random suggestion If we weren't on the internets, I'd say this was getting geeky From our logs: 13:25, 9 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.71.123.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (1 day for blanking, 1 week for blanking a featured, 2 weeks for blanking a top 10 and the rest is a bonus!) 02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.) 16:41, 7 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a purrr ‎ (And that's for flirting with another admin. Shame on you.) Biopic of the Week DrStrange is one of these here stellar n00bs that we're wittering on about in that there main article. He's been here for a bit over 2 months, and in that time has won NotM and already been nommed for WotM. At this rate, he'll be WotY by about June. Good job he's funny and good at writing things really, otherwise we'd be obliged to hate his precocious guts. Gender confirmation of the Week YesTimeToEdit astonished the Uncyclopedia community by admitting to being male. Orian57 continued in whale raping Yettie. SysRq consequently "won teh penis", granting him this most prized life-time achievement award. In the ensuing chaos, Sockpuppet of an unregistered user cut off Yettie's penis and went on a raping spree with it. Mnbvcxz still believed that Yettie was a girl and the latter declared his love and desire to be raped towards the former. SoaUU AKA Sockie admitted having a vagina, or did (s)he?... Mnbvcxz refused to give his/her gender... Will Yettie get his penis back? Who is pretending to be male and who is pretending to be female? Tune in next week! Same penis-time. Same penis-channel. Cajek ban smackdown of the week 02:53, 10 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a voyage made in less than twelve parsecs ‎ (You want a ban-off, RAHB!? BRING IT!) 00:46, 7 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Kessel run ‎ (I shall not allow TheLedBalloon to dethrone my weekly Cajek-banning title!)

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9001(bot)  20:51, Feb 11

Thanks for voting

And now, a special message from the President *pff...hehe* of the United States My fellow Uncyclopedians, This past vote on VFH has been an emotional one for our wiki. The people have spoken, and I am honorated to accept the privilegitude to servify the Uncyclopedia front page for another eight years. What do you mean, articles are only featured for one day? Thank you for voting. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk)

That lyric

Is beautiful. Thanks man! --UU - natter 10:49, Feb 13

I agree wholeheartedly--Helloween is great. Also, it looks like xenopubes isn't gonna be featured... I guess people just aren't quite on the same frequency as OEJ. I'll definitely have to renom that later. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 11:33, Feb 13

A Question

How do you become an admin here? --Dylan620 (I IZ n00b · 1337!) 20:50, 14 February 2009 (UTC)

By not wanting to become an admin. —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:07, 14 February 2009 (UTC)

And you've just been disqualified. ~ 22:09, 14 February 2009 (UTC)

He's right, asking about how to become an admin instantly disqualifies you. Sorry buddy. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:09, 14 February 2009 (UTC)

Ah, &@!#. --Dylan620 (I IZ n00b · 1337!) 03:35, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Don't worry about it. Being an admin basically entails having some fancy-shmancy powers on the wiki that you can use to waste all of your time and not have a social life. Writing is much more fun. In fact, I think I might do some of that right now... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:57, Feb 15

Hey Led, you did know that we can use these powers in the so called real world as well right? ~ 16:15, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

You're telling me that if you die in Uncyclopedia, you die for real? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:37, Feb 15

Yes, Mr. Anderson. —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:38, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Creatonist Views on Austrailia

Hello there, Are you for or against this puppy on VFH? You've got '4' written on the against. 86.129.217.29 16:09, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Heh, sorry about that. Yeah, I meant that to be a for vote--I updated the score and such. Serves me right for editing so late at night while sick, I guess. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:41, Feb 15

Yeah, here at Uncyc, we're all about voting using "txt tlk". For example: "lol ur rtcl ws so funi! 4" Translation: "For.". It's to confuse the white man. Just play along. —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:36, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

OKAY?

just wanted to know why my article on Tuxedos was deleted...?

Allow me to do a drive by before Leddy shows up to reprimand me for doing so. I researched and found that there is an existing article that already covers the subject matter. And now, here's Leddy. —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:47, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks SysRq. Yeah, I huffed it because it was less than three lines long, with no indication that you held an intent to expand it. If you want to create an article that isn't full-sized, either start it in userspace (ie at User:Lxd shizz/Tuxedos) or put a {{WIP}} tag on it, so the admins know you plan to expand it. If you'd like, I can restore what you've written so far. Just say the word. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:50, Feb 15

One more thing: Be italic when it comes to editing. Play around with the existing article and take it in a new direction if you like. No one's going to get mad at you for editing an existing article the way you like. Cheers! —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:13, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Unless, of course, you fuck up. In which case people will be FFFUUUURRRRRIIIOOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssss... (Well, not really, but you will get reverted a lot. Check out HTBFANJS, it's full of great tips for writing humorously.) - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:17, Feb 15

We sure do make for one amazing dream team, Leddy. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:27, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

\o - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:29, Feb 15

o/ —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:52, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Fucking bumboys. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:03 15 February 2009

Don't hate cause you can't relate. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:08, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Cute. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:09 15 February 2009

Holy smokes! father, black suit, white collar

Kiddie porn dungeons and three fingers for your daughter

Caught belly up; ancient Nazi paraphernalia

You cannot pay your bills with holy water and Hail Mary luck

~Aesop Rock

—Sir SysRq (talk) 20:21, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

???~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:22 15 February 2009

Eh, just the song I'm listening to. Fuck you, I'm bored. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:24, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Sure fuck me, I'm board too. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:25 15 February 2009

If your bored you could always read my stuff and comment like you said you would~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 20:26, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

GOD YOU'RE SO NEEDY —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:27, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

I BET YOU WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN HUH! But you shoulda thought about that before adopting me =P ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 20:28, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

You weren't adopted. That fat chick from Burger King is your ma. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:29 15 February 2009

Yeah. Her name is Heerenveen. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:30, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Well that's what it sounds like but honestly I doubt even she knows what she's saying half the time and the other half she's farting. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:32 15 February 2009

If by farting you mean anus, then yes. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:35, Feb 15

If by "Heerenveen" you mean "anus" then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:37, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

press

hello, mister balloon. might you have a comment for the signpost regarding the impending rampant product placement on uncyc? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:35, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

You can't fool me Jimmy Carter! I voted for Gerald Ford in the last election and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT! You can't intimidate me with your "pretending to be the newspaper reporter but actually being Jimmy Carter in disguise who will then detain me for several months of waterboarding hell" routine--fool me once, shame on you; fool my twice, shame on me. FORD WAS RIGHT TO PARDON NIXON, DAMMIT! So take your goddamn liberal hippy goddamn elitist goddamn tax-raisings somewhere else! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:51, Feb 17

be my Unparent, please?

I am but a humble n00b and would be eternally gratefull if you would take me under your proverbial wing :-) I will endeavour to keep my questions as unstupid as possible, though I cannot guarantee that they will be so. Will you adopt me pretty please? --Sonje 11:45, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Certainly, welcome to adoption! If it please ye, feel free to add {{Adoptee|TheLedBalloon}} to your userpage, and feel free to ask any questions, stupid or otherwise, right here on this talk page. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:18, Feb 18

Thank you kindly your balloon-ness. Ok, first stupid question - I have decided that I hate my username, is it too late to change it or is there some magic way to perform this task. I signed up rather nonchalantly, thinking I could edit details later but I see no method of changing it in the preference page :-( --Sonje 17:50, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, unfortunately there isn't any way you personally can change it, although someone like sannse, with staff privileges, can. However, I understand that it's kind of hard on the database, and a pain for her to do, so it might be easier to just create a whole new account, and move your old userpage to your new one via that shiny move tab. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:21, Feb 18

I'll just avoid wasting everyone's time and stick with the one I have then. Thanks for the info though. I am learning:-) Ok, next on ze list: How do you create a new section?--^Dame 10:35, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

You mean with a header? You do that with equals signs, like ==New Section Name Here==. Level two is usually the biggest you want to go, although with only one equals sign you'd get a slightly bigger header. On the flip-side, with three or four equalses you'd be getting progressively smaller headers. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:11, Feb 19

Thanks! I figured it out. I am a superkeen n00b I am :-) Now to start writing... (dumdumdum *eery-music-plays*)--^Dame 18:20, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, you can figure out most formatting things by clicking 'edit page' and looking at how someone else did it. It's actually the same thing for writing, really. I learned what I thought was funny by voting on VFH and periodically flipping through HTBFANJS. Besides that, it's really just trial-and-error. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:23, Feb 19

I am attempting to make u proud as my adopted unparent, and would thus be grateful if u could vote for my recent pictorial contributions on the VFP. I told u I was a superkeen N00b :-)--^Dame 20:17, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Happy Thursday Mr. Balloon, sir. I have a shameless, self-whorey question. Yes, I am a terrible adopted un-daughter. Anyway, moving on, since I got the whole PoTM thing (Yay ME!) does that make me a DUN? --^Dame 17:41, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Indeed it does! You can add your name to this page, put Dame in front of your signature, and put {{DUN}} on your userpage if you want. Just remember: with this power must come responsibility... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:32, Apr 3

UnSignpost 19th February2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

February 19, 2009 • Issue 35 • Sifting the flour of news into the soufflé of your talk page

Uncyclopedia shuns ads in favor of product placement By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia admins today announced that there would most definitely never be advertisements placed in the hallowed halls of yon humor wiki. However, it seems in order to rake in the cash that would have resulted from these ads, similar to raking in the flavor from KFC's new Turkey-Flavored ChickenTM, we will instead be treated to subtle product placement in every facet of Uncyclopedia. The driving force behind this decision is undoubtedly greed. The driving force behind the new Ford ExplorerTM is Jack Bauer. Catch 24 this Sunday on FOX! Jack Bauer drives a Ford! When asked for Uncyclopedia's official political stance on the matter, sysop TheLedBalloon said, "You can't fool me Jimmy Carter! I voted for Gerald Ford in the last election and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT! You can't intimidate me with your 'pretending to be the newspaper reporter but actually being Jimmy Carter in disguise who will then detain me for several months of waterboarding hell' routine--fool me once, shame on you; fool my twice, shame on me...", which only added more fuel to the fire of speculation surrounding this occurence. For the best value fuel, visit Egan's SunocoTM. The mood in the Uncyclopedia break room was sombre today. Several users expressed their concern about not having ads placed on the wiki. "What? No ads? But how will we make money?" asked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. It seems the secret of product placement has been kept under wraps by the non-existant Cabal. For the best quality cling-wrap, choose Crestfield Wax PaperTM. When asked for the reason behind the secrecy, TheLedBalloon further elaborated on his earlier statement, saying, "FORD WAS RIGHT TO PARDON NIXON, DAMMIT! So take your goddamn liberal hippy goddamn elitist goddamn tax-raisings somewhere else!" Readers are reminded that Williams BrandTM is the preferred brand of hippy elitist tax-raisings by a 2-to-1 margin. Please stay tuned to the UnSignpost for further updates on the ad situation, the product placement situation, and how really, really terrible all of our articles are going to look with trademark tags mucking up the line spacing. Sonic Fever Hits Uncyclopedia By Joe9320 For the first time in 18 years - in fact, since the first Sonic game came to the USA in 1991 - Sonic Fever has again spread far and wide, and the age of Sonic is back! (Among several users on Uncyclopedia, at least). The first Golden Age of Sonic ran from 1993-1998. By 2001, Sonic was way past his prime, grumbling about how he "used to be a contender" and trying to hock his large collection of gold rings and emeralds for beer money. People no longer cared about Sonic. Then in 2008, a surge in Sonic Mania started again, but this time on the internet! It reached Uncyclopedia in 2009. Uncyclopedia Experts have determined that the mania will be short lived, and be replaced by Mario Fever, and then a resurgence in Pokémon Fever all within the next 3 years. Meanwhile, Twilight mania among teenage girls will continue to outstrip it. Enzo Aquarius declined to comment, for he was too busy for an interview. The UnSignpost imagines he'd probably have said something about Rouge The Bat being "hawt".

Check out these pages! Suffering voting withdrawal? This'll keep you happy for ages! So, do we collaborate... ...Or colonize? Decisions, decisions From our logs: 21:29, 15 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Thebigj2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1. blanker. 2. I live 10 minutes from Anna Frank's house, ergo - you're trashing my neighbourhood) 17:55, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Flyingwombatperson (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (If Britain no longer exists, why can I still buy British Breakfast tea? HUH? ANSWER ME THAT, SMART GUY! (also don't blank pages, please)) 13:21, 13 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Gettgett (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Do I know you? No. Do I know your butt ugly friends? No. Do I CARE about you and your friends? NO. Do I think you are all bored and butt ugly. YES. Get the point? Get some good looking friends) Biopic of the Week What do you look for in an amphibian? Long hind legs, a short body, webbed digits (fingers or toes), protruding eyes and the absence of a tail? Or a large banstick, supercool admin powers, awesome writing skills, gratuitous profanity and minor homicidal tendencies? If you chose the first option, you need a regular frog. If you chose the second, you need TKF. (Just don't call him TFK). If you chose the third option, you aren't playing properly. The continuing saga of Cajek block of the week 15:09, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Can you believe I haven't blocked you yet in 2009? Yeah, I know!) 07:40, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 hours (Thou shalt not be Cajek, though I suppose thou must, so I shall cut thou some slack) 17:50, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 11 minutes ‎ ([edit/QuickEdit] Cajek (Talk • Contribs (del) • Editcount • BLOCK (rem-lst-all) • Logs • Groups • Checkuser) -- how Cajek on VFS looks to the sysops) 21:30, 11 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (Right you two - sod off, the chap had enough!) 21:06, 11 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 672 seconds ‎ (Oh that just fuckin' tears it Led. You hear me?! That fucking TEARS it! It's ON!)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  18:16, Feb 19

adoption

no adopt me please i realy need to lern!!--Fire wolf 18:34, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Sure, I'll adopt you. You can add {{adoptee|TheLedBalloon}} to your userpage if you want. Just do me a favor, and don't add comments to my talkpage in the middle of someone else's comment. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:55, Feb 21

Perhaps you could handle this.

Check out NotM. I struck out that nom based on suspicion of sockpuppetry. Check those two users' contribs and neither of them have made any edits to any other pages. It's all pretty transparent to me, perhaps you could talk to CheddarBBQ? —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:08, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I just saw that...hmmm... it's tough to make a call based just on contribs, why not ask sannse for a checkuser? I've seen this sort of thing happen before, where it's not them, but their friends that they gotten to vote or whatever. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:20, Feb 24

Alright, I'll ask her. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:01, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 26th February 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

February 26, 2009 • Issue 36 • Picking the poppy seeds of truth from the teeth of the news

Imperial Coloni(s|z)ation For Glorification of Motherwiki By Gerrycheevers Imperial Colonization made yet another triumphant return this week, after several months of languishing, inactivity, and Richard Nixon. Upon a general query from an annoying masked UnSignpost writer, another anonymous user stepped up and took control. That anonymous user is SysRq. Forums were created, ideas were exchanged, and the Cajek search party was sent out again. Only the last one was in vain, as an all-new Colonisation page was rolled out last week. Uncyclopedians wasted no time in signing up and nominating their first target: the utter garbage pile that was Al Gore. Previously containing banal tripe such as Manbearpig references, internet invention claims, lockbox bollocks, and other assorted drivel, the article is now, according to an official Colonization spokesman, "well on its way to not sucking." Future Colonisations have been lined up as well, leading this reporter to believe that this time around, Colonization is here to stay, even moreso that Manforman or the Poison Pee template. It looks as if the article on Jews is next on the Colonisation docket, since all articles relating to that topic are "utter bilge, consumed with hateful pointlessness and also secretly controlled by Jews." British Infiltration of Non-Existent Cabal Continues at VFS by UU Talking of organisations secretly controlled by Jews, the non-existent Uncyclopedia Cabal was expanded ahead of schedule to the tune of two brand new British admins at the weekend. The early opping was due to two factors, firstly, an unprecedented landslide, with two candidates polling so many votes that the final round was rendered an irrelevance, and secondly, new 'crat Mordillo being impatient to use his whizzy new powers to op the new admins before Codeine or Mhaille beat him to it. The most votes were polled by MrN9000, and your USP can't think of a more deserving recipient of a shiny new banstick. He's already thrown himself into his new role with gusto, banning, deleting, featuring and the like with gusto, and proudly declaring "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing", thus showing he has as much grasp of the role already as any other admin. The numbers were made up by fellow limey Under user, who has been keen to get started using his whizzy new powers, but has been limited to mainly joke bans so far by MrN's astounding competence and annoying habit of doing all the work. UU was unavailable for comment (which is odd, seeing as he's writing this), but his wife had this to say: "you bastards! Do you have any idea what you've done? I'll be lucky to see him for more than about half an hour a week now!" She wasn't joking.

Check out these pages! Is this something to do with us being the worst? I want candy No pain, no gain From our logs new admins bumper special: 05:09, 24 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.207.115.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blocking you for a day because I feel like it (and also because you blanked California)) 19:44, 21 February 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a slightly torn pair of pants ‎ (Happy adminship, fucker <3) 16:40, 21 February 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a brand new pair of admin pants ‎ (let's see, who to ban first... Cajek? Too obvious. Mordillo? See last comment. MrN? Yeah! Oh, and about damn time you got this - how come they gave it to me too?) 10:58, 21 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (his first ban is the crat who gave him powers. my sort of chap) 10:54, 21 February 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Rogue Admin) 10:15, 21 February 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.184.94.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Ne habla gibberish) Biopic of the Week Sockpuppetry is normally frowned on here at Uncyclopedia, with bans routinely handed out to those who transgress. There are no exceptions. The exception, of course, is Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, a sock who seems to have its head sewn on the right way, or at least drawn on with permanent marker in the right way. He makes his presence felt by fighting vandalism wherever it rears its ugly head, and generally making himself helpful around the wiki. A helpful sockpuppet? Got to be one of the signs of an impending apocalypse! Explanation of the week This week, there will be no Cajek ban of the week. This is because Manticore decided to ban him in the hope of making it into your UnSignpost, and we're not gonna give that big ol' whore the satisfaction. You hear me, Manty? YOU'RE NEVER GETTING IN THIS... Oh shit.

Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Hv is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now! UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

VFS

For your vote in VFS You have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage within Uncyclopedia's borders if Zionist domination is eventually established. Rabbi Techno

9001(bot)  11:29, Feb 26

Enda Kenny

Why was the Enda Kenny page removed? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Ele (talk • contribs)

Mostly because it was 2 lines long, hardly a full article, and you hadn't indicated anywhere that you intended to expand it. Plus it mentioned Chuck Norris. Those are two pretty hefty strikes, you know? If you want, though, I can restore it to your userspace, (User:Ele/Enda Kenny or some such title) so you don't have to worry about it being deleted while you work on it. Then you can just move it into mainspace when you're done. It's up to you, what do you say? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:34, Feb 28

Ya that's the thing I had intended to expand it but it was gone when I came back to it, haven't added many posts so the editing is a bit slow. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Ele (talk • contribs)

That's fine, just either start your articles in userspace or tag them with a {{WIP}} so the adminly types know you're still writing. I've restored your page into your userspace, it's right here now. Good luck with your article, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:45, Feb 28

Ya, cheers for that.

"~~~~" is what you need to take away that feeling that something is missing in your life. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:53, 28 Feb

Led Zeppalloon

Thanks For Being Groovy! I am both deeply humbled and appreciative of your vote to promote me to Knight Grand Cross of the Order and shall send the magic van round to your flat with virtual contraband

Oh the humanity! Your vote showed a whole lotta love. Thanks again!--    15:40, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Hooray! Led Zeppelin puns! A highly neglected form of comedy in this day and age, if Ido say so myself. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:47, Mar 2

You're online, aren't you?

We have a new colonization. Could you fix up the front page soz it reflects that? —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:00, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Certainly. Just as soon as I figure out how exactly we do that now... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:06, Mar 2

Hey, I did it! Go me! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:08, Mar 2

Woo! Go you! —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:09, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Vampirefreaks article

The article, toward the bottom, names specific people/users of the site with untrue content. I talked to one of the regular users(RabbiTechno0 who did indeed agree I was in the right to remove the information and suggested I contact an Admin regarding the article.

I edit out the info when able but it keeps being returned. I'd prefer to keep personal names and defamatory information out of the article.

Thanks for any help you can provide.

--Biatch 00:11, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Sure, just tell me who's been adding the libel(look at the article history) and I'll dish out the blocks as needed. Also, sorry about the revert, you should have used an edit summary to tell people what you were doing. Otherwise it just looks like vandalism. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:51, Mar 3

The edits with usernames attatched are Min Hakever and Q Q. The rest are all IP addresses but it looks like another admin 'protected' the article and it appears that it's not able to be edited. Not sure what that means. --Biatch 08:35, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, looks like MrN has the page semi-protected so that only logged-in users with accounts 3 days old can edit it. That should probably solve most of your problems, and you'll be able to edit the page yourself soon if you can't already do so. Lemme know if something else comes up. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:37, Mar 3

A Template of Thanks

'FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN'

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

Guildensternenstein

---

Quick heads up, yo

A certain 14-year-old gentleman who is bent on "fixing" the Teletubbies article is a well-documented Wikipedia vandal. He has 58 confirmed socks, 71 suspected, and his own freakin' category. He's also threatened suicide over Wikipedia's reaction to his edits. I don't know how you admins are trained to handle these kinds of people, but I for one feel way in over my head. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 06:52, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Honestly, if he threatens suicide, I would call the cops and give them his IP--it's the sort of thing you can't really take lightly. Other than that, though, just see if you can convince him to let it go, I guess. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:17, Mar 3

Wow, check it out.

It's been one year and five days since you became an op.

Isn't that weird? —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:26, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Sweeeeeeeeet. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:14, Mar 5

UnSignpost 5th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

March 5, 2009 • Issue 37 • The News, Smelted to 93% Purity!

New parser causes havoc by requiring Uncyclopedians to get things right by UU The latest Mediawiki update imposed on Uncyclopedia by its despotic overlords, Wikia, has had a catastrophic effect. The new parser, described by UnSignpost technical expert Gerrycheevers as "little gnomes in your browser that run between HTML tags to produce the proper effect in between" has thrown the formatting of quite literally some Uncyclopedia pages completely out of kilter. Resident tame Wikia staffer Sannse tried to explain: "bad HTML is the most likely cause of errors. But there are some other changes that might cause errors. For example, the way that some complex parser tags work has changed. The best thing to do is to look for HTML problems first (not forgetting that the errors are often in templates used on the page). Then, if you can't find it, hassle anyone you know who knows HTML and wikimarkup better than you (nah, not going to link some poor guy). Then, if you can't find it, hassle me to find help (Uberfuzzy is on standby to assist where needed). Again I'd suggest that the template author should be the person who knows how to make it work!" Most Uncyclopedians had already gone cross-eyed by this point, but she gamely continued: "Don't forget that you can use Special:ParserDiffTest as a help in finding exactly what's different on a page. A lot of the changes don't mean anything. For example, on this page the only differences are to class and section titles. But this one shows problems with center and div tags (the last two green sections on the div)". Your USP offers the following, less confusing advice: if you open any kind of tag in html like <this>, you have to close it again, like </this> before the end of your page. And if you open more then one tag, be sure to close them in the right order <like><this></this></like>. Then shit should not get fucked up. The gnomes were unavailable for comment. February '... of the Month' Awards Hoedown by Gerrycheevers Well, February is over, and that means it's time to look back at the shortest month of the year and make fun of people who won awards during that month, for they have only won 90.32% as much recognition as those who won the award during a robust 31-day month. Let's get started with... DrStrange, our newest Writer of the Month, fresh off his NotM victory in December, is a welcome addition to our close, close family of editors who have never had any physical contact with each other. Since joining, the good doctor has written several featured articles, and is well on his way to another. He has enjoyed perhaps the quickest transition ever from NotM to WotM, but don't expect us to go looking things up to confirm that. February's Uncyclopedian of the Month was our lovable Wikia dictator, Sannse. Donning her staff hat and Wikia mystic power staff, Sannse always manages to be polite and cheery, even when sending vandal IPs to their doom, tacking notices to the corkboard in the Uncyc break room that incite site-wide user rebellion, and crushing the earlier mentioned site-wide user rebellions. Our N00b of the Month was a chap by the name of Guildensternenstein, which we have come to believe is some sort of undead monster from a Shakespeare play. His impressive work in his short time here, along with his other helpful contributions such as dropping by Pee Review and Imperial Colonisation from time to time, should quiet up those doomsayers who say "we don't have any good n00bs anymore" for quite some time.

Check out these pages! Masturbating Monkey Hang on, someone really tried it? {{username}} strikes again again From our logs: 09:02, 5 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.160.35.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (thanks for your thoughtful and insightful additions, and your considerate removing of content, you win a free day off! (don't blank)) 13:36, 3 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a torah, two bagels and a large blue yamulke ‎ (Unblocked too early. I suspect a Jewish conspiracy!) 19:28, 2 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MTTB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (possibly one day people will start reading messages I leave for them on the talk page. YOU. DO. NOT. REVERT. ME. WITHOUT. TALKING. WITH. ME.) 06:44, 2 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.225.120.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And I'm going to rape you if you don't shut up. *takes his first ever swig of Jack Daniels, throws up*) Biopic of the Week Optimuschris ~ "Having been around for a while now, Opty deserves some recognition," said the newest UnSignpost intern, pictured at the right. He went on in his monotonous, metallic voice: "He has a featured article and another in the works. He contributes to bettering the site via Pee Review and Imperial Colonization." We were going to agree with the robot-ish fellow, but when we turned back, he was gone. But there was a refrigerator there we hadn't noticed before... Old-School Featured Article of the Week The Keep Your Finger In The Box Game has been a smash hit among the rainy-day crowd since its introduction to America in 1954. Despite the title of the game, the object is to not take your finger out of the box before your opponent does. The article contains a rich history of the game, as well as a detailed strategy list involving cats, seduction, and urine-filled projectiles. Cajek ban of the week None. Seriously, it hasn't happened. Not banning Cajek is the new banning Cajek. New poopsmith of the week RabbiTechno has taken up his new position as co-processor of shit on the wiki alongside some scrote whose name escapes us briefly - perhaps because he hinted he wanted a story about himself in this edition. The good Rabbi has so far been diligently watching his sidekick do all the donkey work, while conducting the far harder task of making sure it has all been done properly. He exclusively didn't tell the Signpost: "yup, looks good enough to me".

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9001(bot)  14:03, Mar 6

Thanks

Achtung! Your support for the Nazi party has been documented. Danke shein. That vill be all.

OptyC Sucks! CUN17:54, 7 Mar

You, sir, are welcome. Welcome, I say! Achtung! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:09, Mar 7

PING!

Hi, just wanted to remind you that our current Colonization, Jew, is still going. While things may be looking a bit slow right now, all it takes are a few good Colonizers to breathe some life into it again. Sure, it's going to take some work, but that's what IC is all about! Come on down and give us a hand, won't you?

Much love,
—Sir SysRq (talk) 23:15, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I've been meaning to work on it, I just haven't had any time to do anything lately. But, I did just win the MIAA South Sectional hockey tournament, so yeah! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:25, Mar 9

UnSignpost 12th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

March 10th, 2009 • Issue 38 • Mucking up your talk page, one issue at a time

CONSPIRACY!!! By Gerrycheevers WE ARE DOOMED! Head for the hills, Uncyclopedia users, there's nothing that can save us now! As of this morning, we NO LONGER EXIST!!! Now, if you are reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, "why, that Gerry fellow is quite mad. Since I am reading the UnSignpost now, then both I and Uncyclopedia must still exist." To this i say to you: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK. Furthermore, it is also WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK THEY THINK YOU THINK. Reactions were mixed today at the wiki. Some theorized that uncyclopedia.wikia.com was, in fact, sinking. In response to this, the women (all 3 of them) and children were loaded onto lifeboats and fired out of the lifeboat-cannon, in hopes that they would land far away enough from the landlocked Uncyc as to find a body of water. Other preparations included the Cajek string quartet playing rousing versions of traditional ship-sinking music. While it might seem rash for an official non-cabal-run periodical to endorse panic, the UnSignpost urges all Uncyclopedia users to abandon all reason and logic in an attempt to save themselves. The best course of action is most likely the one that involves the maximum amount of screaming, arm-flailing, and general insanity. The Uncyclopedia Store is likely to be looted quickly, so be sure to stop by early to maximize you chances at getting the best stuff. Count to a Million: Update By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedians have continued their brave foray into the dangerous world of numbers, today reaching the long-awaited benchmark of 3,239. The constitutes nearly 1/300th of the total goal, meaning we are 0.32% of the way there! Users were overjoyed, confused, and generally apathetic about the achievement. Since its inception on February 20th, 2008, many different counters, or 'c-ters' as they refer to themselves, have contributed to the project. The content of the countup has varied greatly, from battleships to cartoon characters to road signs, and yet never deviating very far away from pornography. At any rate, it seems Uncyclopedia admin and Chair of the Committee to Investigate and Eliminate Needless Committees Spang's experiment to destroy the internet has not succeeded...yet. The project has advanced at a rate of 8.39 numbers per day, a respectable clip considering the enormous effort involved in adding the next number in the sequence. At this brisk clip, the project will reach completion at 18:45 UT on June 24, 2334. Until that day, Uncyclopedians can only hope, dream, and continue in the increasingly difficult task of adding one to a moderately large number.

Check out these pages! Silliness Pointlessness Eyerapeness From our logs: 23:47, 9 March 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.23.110.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking 'please don't delete this page'--my favorite part about that idea was how original it was.) 04:39, 10 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked CS SHITTY (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (HOLY SHIT WHERE ARE YOU MONGOLOIDS COMING FROM?!?!?!?!?!!?!) 16:08, 10 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.170.199.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("He who shall be an idiot shall be striked down with furious anger". Book of Mordillo, chapter one verse 3) 10:52, 11 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.89.227.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (we apologise for taking so long to ban you, but we get there in the end. also, I think you'll find it is you who loves the cock.) Biopic of the Week Guildensternenstein ~ With one of the hardest usernames to spell correctly (and not one that's hard but fun, like some users), Guildie has splashed upon the Uncyc scene with a gusto. Displaying a knack for writing humor (the main prerequisite to be considered "ballin'" by fellow Uncyclopedians), he also takes part in the current trends of Pee Review and Imperial Colonization, making him popular and, thus, cooler than you. Old-School Featured Article of the Week This is it. The big one. The greatest article in Uncyclopedia history...Bears. Yes, these foraging lunatics are masters of cryogenics, and will stop at nothing in their quests for honey, human flesh, and pic-a-nic baskets. Cajek ban of the week 15:14, 6 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (I am very troubled by the fact you were not banned in a while. Has the community given up on you???)

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9001(bot)  21:45, Mar 13

SPaMMinG Da UsR PaiGe!

I told ya I'd do it. Here's something to keep you amazed for a while!

-- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 22:35, 15 Mar

Wow, is there anything spam can't do? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:08, Mar 16

It can't go to work for me when I'd want to sleep in :( -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 01:25, 16 Mar

Yeah, and I guess it can't fix my shoulder so I can play tennis, either... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:42, Mar 16

But it seems like SPAM really can be a useful multitool for all sorts of stuff at home anyways ^_^ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 09:49, 16 Mar

Indeed. Hooray spam! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:03, Mar 16

And makes for good random spamming material. Ah, the usefulness :D -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 11:14, 17 Mar

HALP

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Special:Contributions/The_Rhino

These pages are frequent targets, protection should be considered. --Charitwo^Talk 04:44, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

This account is closed.

Goodbye...forever.--Black Suga Baby Gurl Speak up! 02:07, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

Bye - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 10:57, Mar 17

This artery is closed

Stop eating so much red meat. ~ 11:13, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

BU-HU-HUT *sniff* I LIKE RED MEAT! *Cries* :( -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 11:34, 17 Mar

NEVER! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:15, Mar 17

In Gratitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next sexual act to your honor. Thank you.

The following sexual acts are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Self-gratification Spousal coitus Purchased sex Casual encounter

NOTE: Only under limited circumstances will this act actually involve you.

You slut!

Ok, I have to ask... How on earth did you just manage to welcome 17 users within 1 min? My bot can't edit anything like that fast! MrN 03:54, Mar 19

• haha its called fucking magic--Durryman 03:59, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

Actually, I use the power of imagination. Also: Mozilla firefox and User:TheLedBalloon/Welcum.js. I was clicking with the scroll wheel so each edit opened up a new tab, and the simultaneous loading makes the whole thing go faster. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:48, Mar 19

Imagination eh? Na, they beat that out of me years ago. Seriously though I have got all that stuff. I bet it's the intertubes. Someone probably tied a knot in that cable they stretched across the Atlantic. MrN 05:00, Mar 19

Try picking a fight with Al Gore. Last time my internet got slow, I hit him until he promised to make it go faster, and it really worked! Oh sure, the "logical" people around me tried to tell me that my connection "only got faster because my family upgraded to broadband," that "that wasn't even Al Gore," that "your plan doesn't even make sense," but who's the one with the fast connection? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:59, Mar 20

UnSignpost 19th March

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

March 19th, 2009 • Issue 39 • Committed to both Bringing You The News and The Happywood Insane Asylum

Forum topic created; Modusoperandi posts witty response By Gerrycheevers At a certain point this week, a relatively green uncyclopedian posed a rather ill-advised question on one of the Forums quaintly known to patrons of this silly wiki as the 'Village Dump'. A few seconds after the aforementioned certain point this week, resident cheek-tonguer Modusoperandi responded by intentionally misinterpreting the meaning of the question, twisting the querist's words, taking advantage of some sort of delicious pun, or otherwise causing mischief in the usually serious, informative Forum. Reactions were, as usual, mixed in the community. Several anonymous users were outraged at the lack of tact and formality displayed by the wily Modus. "Uncyclopedia is serious business," said one pitchfork-wielding mob participant. "We would descend into total anarchy if it weren't for the court system, the press, the boron smelting plant, and the sanctity of our information distribution system." Other users seemed to support the flashing of rapier wit, claiming "if we can't laugh a little, then what's the point? Without humor, we'd end up in hell like all those poor souls who lived before Jesus invented comedy in 23 A.D." Modusoperandi himself declined to comment on the situation, only offering this brief reply to a query seeking a comment: "She told me that she was eighteen. She also told me that she human and was not, in fact, a bonobo. If you have any other questions, please direct them to my law firm; Alan, Whitcomb, Silverstein & Bonobo." It seems the elusive Mr. Operandi is free to continue in his forum havoc-wreaking, as nobody has stepped up to officially denounce his actions. All bonobos involved were unavailable for comment. UnSignpost Editors Under Fire for Bonuses By Gerrycheevers This week the Uncyclopedia community was outraged to learn that the UnSignpost, which recently received a Wikia bailout, will be giving hefty bonuses to the very dunderheads responsible for driving the periodical into the ground in the first place. The extremely active Uncyclopedia Senate has vowed that action will be taken against the editors set to receive the lucrative bonuses. It may be possible that they will be blocked from editing or even exiled to another wiki. Uncyclopedians were, for the most part, outraged. Popular user Mnbvcxz had an unrelated statement quote-mined by an UnSignpost journalist to produce the following comment:"I[...]is[...]finished," a possible indication that he will leave the site in protest of the bonuses. The founders of the newspaper refused comment, as they want nothing to do with it anymore, and true to that mission this reporter was chased off the the grounds of the Cajek mansion by bunnies wearing bee costumes. The current editors were hounded, with Under user having this to say: "I don't think there have been any "comically large" bonuses paid out. There have simply been adequate contractual remunerations allocated to key staff to reward their loyalty and unstinting efforts. Every penny of these almost insignificant amounts is richly deserved. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to buy a large yacht and fill a swimming pool with cash to float it on." Gerrycheevers was absolutely unavailable at press time.

Check out these pages! Windows sucks The ratings system sucks You suck From our logs: 11:00, 15 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Slicktorine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbullying: We just don't care about you or your friends. Sorry. I suggest you ask him for a date. He's probably a really nice guy.) 11:10, 17 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.124.60.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here is a sharp pointy thingy up your ass. My finger. Don't worry, I washed it) 11:43, 18 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) moved Jon snow to Jon Snow ‎ (capital punishment) 11:39, 19 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insubordination) Biopic of the Week Savethemooses is one of the legends of Uncyc lore. Once the king of the featured article hill, his recent inactivity has allowed him to slip to seventh, despite having twenty-five features, which is more than you ever will. In fact, the only way you will ever come close to experiencing the glory that was STM's being is to go nominate several of his articles on VFH right now. Like, right now. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Pixellated Face Disease is a rare condition in which a person's face, caught on camera, will become blurred, or 'pixellated'. There is no known cure for the disease, and there are several associated conditions, such as Blurred Registration Plateism and Black Strip syndrome, the latter only affecting the eye region. Cajek Ban Joke of the Week In this week's uproariously funny UnSignpost issue, the second story misdirection-links the phrase "blocked from editing" to Cajek's userpage. Retraction of the Week The current editors of the UnSignpost have recently become aware of startling differences between the current Signposts and editions from early in the newspaper's history. We would therefore like to retract the following issues: #1, #3, #6-13, and #16.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MnbvcxzBot 05:30, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

Sup ballon?

You wanna cast your eyes over Jew and see what you think? Today's the last day of Colonization for it and I'd sorta like to get it wrapped up. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:01, 21 Mar

Sure, I'll take a look in a sec... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:16, Mar 21

Well, I'm satisfied. Looks good to me! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:38, Mar 21

PLS judging

I'm sending you this because you are signed up to judge the Poo Lit Surprise. If you no longer want to judge or are incapable of doing so, please tell me as soon as possible. If you're still good to go, here are the instructions:

First, read all of the articles in your specified category. Second, judge them. Judge how you like, as long as it's at least fair and based on merit (one suggestion would be to use the Pee Review format). Post your top 5 articles here. Hit me up on my talk page for questions, comments, if these rules are not cognisant within you, or of you don't know what the word "cognisant" means.

Thank you again for your valued participation in the balletic train wreck that is the Poo Lit Surprise! –—Hv (talk) 24/03 20:29

Got it, chief. Two weeks for judging, right? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:31, Mar 25

UnSignpost 26th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

March 26th, 2009 • Issue 40• Spooning the Soggy Vegetables of Truth from the Luke-warm Soup of the News

MrN's banstick stuck in "on" position By UU Popular admin, underwear enthusiast and raconteur MrN9000 has gone on a ban-rampage unprecedented in the recent history of the wiki. Seemingly keen to win his first bastard admin award, the conscientious custodian has already banned more people this month than all the other admins combined. The other admins rallied bravely, with even Spang being seen to ban someone (only his third of the year) as they tried to show they were not now completely surplus to requirements. However, even as this story was typed, MrN banned another 3 vandals, rendering their efforts ultimately futile. Speculation that he is trying to ban more people on an individual basis than Hinoa managed in one go when he banned the whole of Italy cannot be confirmed or denied at the time of going to press. When asked about his phenomenal spree, MrN said "What do all these buttons with "Ban" written on them do? I keep pushing them, but nothing appears to happen". Banning legend Mordillo, when asked for a comment on MrN's ban excesses, said "I believe the man is a menace, and danger to society. I believe he should be castrated, quartered, hanged, torched and his ashes should be scattered over France. I believe he should burn in hell for all eternity. What? Do I feel pity about all those who he banned? Fuck no, I didn't have anyone to ban because of the bastard!" Uncyclopedia now famous By Gerrycheevers In a totally unexpected development, Uncyclopedia has officially earned the worldwide recognition it has longed for since its inception. On the website digg.com, all internet content is sorted and ranked by coolness, similar to the process found in many middle schools. It seems Uncyc's page on spam has reached sufficient 'cool' status as to cause the rest of the site to become invited to the "cool kid's lunch table", along with theonion.com and cracked.com. Reactions were unusually mixed today in the Uncyclopedia break room. When asked what it's like to suddenly be cool, Optimuschris said, "shit, I'll let you know when I find out." Another user, DrStrange, was asked for a comment, and promptly responded "comment duly delivered!" Clearly, popularity has already gone to Uncyclopedians' heads, as such chippy responses are rarely seen. Uncyclopedians have become too cool for school. When asked for comment regarding adding a sentence to the end of this article to extend its length and make this week's UnSignpost look pretty, Gerrycheevers said, "bugger off."

Check out these pages! April fool? 24,000 articles and counting A welcome new feature? From our logs: 14:22, 26 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: UN:FAIL another victim of the Gay trap. Yep, this means that you are probably homosexual. Seriously, one day you will realise this yourself.) 01:24, 24 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Q.V. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (FINE!!!!! I'LL SUCK YOUR COCK!!!! GOD, I JUST LOVE THE SEMEN OF A RACIST!!!!!!) 23:28, 20 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Barton sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Whilst Barton does indeed suck, you're barely literate and tragically unfunny. Read HTBFANJS and try again later.) Biopic of the Week Continuing our series of biopics on Uncyc legends, Hardwick Fundlebuggy won Writer of the Month back in 2006, at a time when you were lucky to have an article survive VFD. His awesome writing style resulted in him being named Writer of the Year, of which there are only four so far. It's just unfortunate he had to go to jail... Old-School Featured Article of the Week Snopes is a website dealing with the delicious diversion that is rumor. Whenever you overhear there is a computer virus set to attack, whenever you hear that your favorite horse is actually a zebra, whenever you are told your girlfriend is a lesbian...Snopes will be there to tell you the truth...mostly. Old-School Cajek Ban of the Week 23:10, 5 April 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 67 seconds ‎ (That'll teach YOU to get a false sense of security!)

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9001(bot)  01:49, Mar 28

Could I perhaps be adopted?

Hello, I'm Gas Pump, And I've been lurking for nearly a year now, and have finally decided to get down to some writing. I saw the "Adopt a n00b" project, and thought that I could probably benefit from that, So I decided to go with quality and choose you, Sir Ledballoon. Of course, whether or not you accept me is all up to you, but I hope you'll take me under your wing.

Sure, consider yourself adopted! If you'd like, feel free to add the adoptee template to your userpage. Other than that, if you've got any questions or anything like that, feel free to ask right here on my talk page. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:24, Mar 29

Sweet, Could you check out this article I made over the weekend? The pee review I got said it was pretty decent, And I'd like your opinion on it. UnScripts:Dungeons and Dragons: The Movie I'm going to expand on it dramtically, since right now it's merely a trailer. I was thinking of making a full script, but done so it's like watching a bootlegged movie. I'd love some feedback on that when you have the time, Sir Ledballoon.Gas Pump 17:44, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Hey, sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet, tonight's been kind of wierd... But, fear not, for I believe I'll have a minute to chiggity check out your article tomorrow afternoon. But now, sleep. G'night. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:03, Mar 31

Ok, here's what I got for ya: I loved the trailer part, but I felt like what followed it seemed kind of flat in comparison. It felt like a lot of the movie was just there to string the stuff in the trailer together, and you lose a lot of the melodramaticness that makes the trailer great. Personally, I think you should make the whole thing like a trailer, sort of in the vein of UnScripts:Average Cop. Try expanding on what you've got, while integrating some of the events from the regular movie and mixing in some movie trailer buzz words. You know what I mean: "in a world, where X and Y, one man stands alone," "they'll break all the rules," or "the adventure of a lifetime." Of course, these are just suggestions. Whatever you opt to do, good luck! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:05, Mar 31

Thanks for the input, Sir Ledballoon. With that in mind, I'll probably be revising it into just an expanded trailer, since that's where the funny seems to be.Gas Pump 14:16, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Sounds good sir, happy editing! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:32, Apr 3

Would you like a discount coupon?

Well, too freaking bad. Its likely expired or invalid.

But seriously, I've been writing this new Article about coupons, after a discussion about them, and I was wondering if you would like to maybe offer advice, or maybe we could even collaborate.

I'm also really surprised there are no articles yet about coupons. ~ NEZLR 22:56, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm...well, I like your intro, and most of that first header's section, but I feel like after that you started getting a little bit too tangential. Try to stay on your satire target a little bit more, so that the reader doesn't wind up wondering how you've gotten to talking about New Jersey or Mexicans from an article on coupons. Or, if you were so inclined, you could try to completely go overboard with the rambling so that the rambling becomes a focal point of the article, which could wind up being pretty amusing. Just make sure you make whatever you do somewhat obvious. Good luck! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:15, Mar 31

Thanks dude. I would also like to wonder if you want to perhaps collaborate? You know more about writing the best articles, and most of my past efforts are rather forgettable. If its not your style, thats okay. just asking, as i only have about 15 minutes invested into the article... ~ NEZLR 23:31, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

I'd like to, I just don't think I've got the time right now...this week's been kind of messed up for me, but maybe if you're still working on it down the road I could swing by and lend a hand. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:33, Apr 1

Well, I haven't updated it lately. Ran dry on the mind juice i had for writing it a long time ago. ~ NEZLR 09:20, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Hey I finally wrote a good article!

.

.

APRIL FOOLS!

.

.

Like I'd ever write anything worthwhile hahaha.... oh dear.--McWooty YOUR AD HERE FBu 11:14, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Oh, you guys...always with the joking around. What is this, some kinda comedy websi--What? It is? Oh... Uhh... Carry on then! - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:32, Apr 3

UnSignpost 2nd April 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

April 5th, 2009 • Issue 41 • In the fashion of Illogicopedia, the only Newspaper that will deteriorate a glue!

EVIL WIKIA DICTATORS SHUT DOWN UNCYCLOPEDIA By Gerrycheevers Due to high operational costs and "the community being a bunch of gits", the nefarious Uncyclopedia overlords at Wikia shut down the comedy wiki yesterday. This resulted in much confusion, outrage, and blundering about in the dark. When asked to comment about the situation, Orian57 said, "No, because you'll actually put what I say into the paper, and last time you made me look really stupid. Although it is a tad inconvenient. And what do you mean 'Cabal'?" It should be noted that Orian is both exceedingly intelligent and unbearably attractive, and there most certainly is not a cabal of any kind. Other users seemed to have been expecting this for some time. Necropaxx had this to say: "Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for Wikia to do this. We Uncyclopedians have been total jerks for far too long. I suggest we all go to Wikia and give Jimbo Wales a nice big "We're sorry" and hope he's feeling generous." This editor took this advice to mean that we should vandalize Wikipedia furiously, and redirected their page on Karma to Coincidence. At press time, Uncyclopedia still did not exist, and many in the community expressed doubt that the Wikia Council would ever reinstate the site. With the recent drama over the domain change, and the promise of ads descending swiftly into every corner and crevasse of our wiki, we seem to be simply too much trouble to be bothered with. This reporter considers it to be good while it lasted, and offeres up a toast to the good old days of Uncyclopedia. Image of Dog Holding Paper, not used in UnSignpost for over Nine Months, Makes Glorious Return to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This reporter is proud to say that, after being absent from the UnSignpost for over nine months, our lovable mascot "DogNewspaper" has returned to grace this periodical once again. DogNewspaper made his debut in the second issue of the UnSignpost, which covered such stories as 'UnSignpost created' and 'Uncyclopedia is the worst'. After bringing you the second story in issues 2 through 5, DogNewspaper was promoted to "top dog", and accompanied the lead story for four issues in June 2008. DogNewspaper took an extended hiatus after Issue 9 to "see the world" and, more urgently, "sniff the world". After many exciting adventures, our mascot is back to stay, and will likely be used many more times in the coming months in what editor Gerrycheevers referred to as "blatant space-filler. DogNewspaper can take a story and squish it to the left side of the page, extending its length. Now get off my lawn!" DogNewspaper declined to comment, but did wag his tail enthusiastically before rolling over in an effort to have his belly scratched.

Check out these pages! Fabulous! Jimbo is here...? Modus and nostalgia...again From our logs: 00:52, 27 March 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.91.59.14 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I can't write anything for this ban reason. The amount of true doucheiness cannot be described.) 09:23, 30 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gay admin ‎ (you like rahb. rahb = penis. therefore you like penis. therefore you = ghey. this logic is irrefutable. also, morning mordillo.) 12:57, 31 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Isaacjew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wrong, he's not a Jew loser. I'm the Jew - and you lose) 05:05, 1 April 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Dawg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6247 seconds ‎ (REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED VIA BANSTICK) Biopic of the Week Ljlego is another one of those 'lost legends' of Uncyclopedia. One of the ones who you don't really believe existed, but you're not so sure, because your Grandpa told you stories about him when you were little. And even after reading some of his works, you still don't believe. Maybe there's something wrong with you. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Kill two birds with one stone is a thrilling documentary describing the many ins and outs of avian massacre via large rocks. Many methods, tips, and tricks are mentioned in the cover-all guide. It is also noted that killing three birds with two stones is not any easier than killing two birds with one stone. Old-School Cajek Ban of the Week 00:43, 26 October 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Posting in the forums. You know better than to get involved in the community. Now get back in your cage.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  18:01, Apr 2

Somebody block this here idiot

HERE'S THE IDIOT. HERE HE IS. LOOK WHAT HE DID.

Not that I wanna be a tattle-tale or anything...

But seriously, how should I go about reporting this type of thing in future? Maybe he could use a warning from the likes of you first. Any pointers would be appreciated. --noamshouseparty 11:37, 4 April 2009 (UTC)

Vandals like that guy have to be reported to Ban Patrol so the admins can take 'em out. If you don't see any active admins, check the IRC to see if you can find an op there. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:25, Apr 5

drive by

hey led, haven't seen you around much lately. hows stuff? hows hockey? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:29, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

Hey Gerry. Yeah, I've been pretty busy with school and other stuff lately. Hockey ended a while back when we lost in overtime in the state semifinals. Normally I'd be onto tennis by now, but I messed up my shoulder in the last 5 minutes or so of regulation, so instead I'm doing the whole physical therapy thing. How about you, whatcha up to? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:04, Apr 8

aw, thats too bad about the playoffs. was this your senior year? i just went down to DC to watch good old BU take the national title home in a ridiculous weekend. looking into grad schools, so far i've only got into one that has a hockey team. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:20, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, that BU-Miami game was pretty awesome. And I'm just a junior, so I've got another season to try to get all the way to the finals game in the garden. Our last game was in Harvard which was also kinda sweet, but nothing compares to the garden. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:32, Apr 13

ah, the bright center...not a bad facility. certainly three steps above anything i've ever played hockey in. i thought for sure you'd be a senior...that would make you a wee freshman when you joined, no? any ideas for colleges yet? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:26, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

Indeed, I found Uncyc around this time frosh year if memory serves. As for colleges, I'm not really sure yet, since a lot depends on what I get on my SAT in June--I'm right on the bubble for a bunch of great schools that I'd love to get into, and I think a 2200 or more could get me in. Right now I'm especially looking at U-Penn and Wash U in St. Louis, but I'm also gonna check out a bunch of colleges in the state, too. I've got vacation next week, so I think my family and I are going to Tufts for a tour at some point, and maybe Brown too, though I don't think I've got the GPA get in there--I don't think they'll accept anything less than a 4.00. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:27, Apr 17

UnSignpost April 9/10th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

April 9th, 2009 • Issue 42• We Give the In-jokes Recycling Center 90% of Their Business!

Cabalists Decide Cabal Membership At Adequate Amount, Deny Existence of Cabal By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia administrators this week decried the lack of need for new recruits, as they are wholly confident in their ability to secretly control the wiki from behind a moth-eaten curtain. On the voting page, which this reporter will probably be banned for pointing out to the common folk, the current cabal members expressed their desire to see more normal non-admins, or 'normies', be involved with the recent changes page. However, the option for another member being inducted into the cabal was declined, as things like the ban patrol and the Cajek Alert System seem to be running just fine, thank you very much. Cabalists were adamant about their opinions. RAHB had the following to say: "I cannot confirm the non-existence of the non-existent cabal, being that it does not exist, and I'm no Harry Potter-reading fantasy boy. I can however confirm the existence of puppies. THEY'RE ADORABLE!" The non-existence of the cabal was further emphasized by Mordillo who declined comment when approached as he was leaving the Secret Cabal Headquarters & Tiki Lounge. Experts were skeptical of the existence of the cabal, but point out that nothing should be ruled out. "Woof," said UnSignpost political correspondent DogNewspaper (pictured), citing the low level of vandalism and general dickery since the recent opping of Under user and MrN9000, who have become known to Uncyclopedians as "The Redcoats". Co-Creator of UnSignpost Introduces New Creation By Gerrycheevers Dr. Skullthumper, co-founder of the very newspaper you are reading right now, has unrolled his newest creation, the NetBar. UnSignpost editors were too busy and ridden with jealousy to investigate the nature of this new invention, but our technology correspondant DogNewspaper (pictured) was willing to speculate on the new gadget. "Bark bark," he proclaimed, elaborating that this new thing is most likely some sort of candy bar or online tavern. This is not the first time the good doctor has abandoned the UnSignpost to work on other equally trivial projects. Fnoodle, disguised as a harmless spellcheck wiki-bot, is actually a perfect one-eight replica of Skull. This entity has nearly 20,000 edits, mostly vandalisms of pages in Thekillerfroggy's userspace. However, Fnoodle has sat abandoned in the doctor's sandbox since last October, since all of said doctor's time recently has been poured into his new project, the NetBar. Uncyclopedians had mixed reactions today. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user had this to say: "Huh? What are you talking about? Of course I'm drunk." A gathering in the Uncyclopedia break room formed, with users misguidedly attempting to ward off squirrels with the NetBar. When reached for comment, Dr. Skullthumper said, "What's an UnSignpost?"

Check out these pages! Click for great deals on Uncyclopedia merchandise! Filthy Sluts Our lovable mascot returns From our logs: 13:33, 4 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.10.224.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(we apologise for taking so long to ban you for this, but don't blank pages. thanks for waiting!) 19:28, 4 April 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.155.30.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Go play in the sandbox, little boy. Uncyclopedia is for grownups.) 22:34, 6 April 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute, 32 seconds ‎(There's this guy sitting next to me and he's all "man, I'm pissed off at that MrN9000 guy" and I'm like "okay") Biopic of the Week Continuing in our series on Uncyclopedia legends, Cap'n Ben is one of those legends who is actually active. Since his first edit in March of 2005, the Cap'n has been makin' it happen in various ways: via awesome writings, breaking news stories, or intructional guides. He is even up for Writer of the Month for a second time since his first WotM came back in a time when Uncyclopedia kind of sucked. But it doesn't anymore...thanks to Cap'n Ben. Cajek Ban of the Week 20:16, 2 April 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 78942 seconds ‎ (Unsignpost is resorting to "Old School Cajek Ban" now. It's time to bring the real deal back.) Old School Featured Article of the Week Alternative Medicine is what the cool kids used to use in high school instead of going to the nurse like the other squares. Now that those kids are all grown up, they have continued this tradition of using such non-mainstream remedies such as Extreme Colonic Irrigation, Ass Candling, Homopathy, and Inacupuncture (pictured). Space-Filler of the Week If Einstein was so smart, how come he's dead?

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Hand-delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:15, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

Hey...

I think that last block was a bit too long. He just didn't seem to know the rules. Ban him for 20 minutes and tell him to read that thing I never read. --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 01:28, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

*sigh,* fiiiiiiiiiiine. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:30, Apr 16

glitch

Hey, I created glitch 5 mins ago.Is it spam?I want it to be like Bat Fuck Insane or AAAAAA!Bad Shroom (talk) – contribs (new • del) • edit-count • block (rem • list) • all logs • groups • checkuser

That's sort of the problem. We already have a bat fuck insane and an AAAAA. What we don't have is a satirically encyclopedic article about glitches. Why not try to write something more by the books? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:23, Apr 16

UnSignpost April 16th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

April 16th, 2009 • Issue 43 • It's News Because We Tell You It Is

Latest Poo Lit Leads to Quality Flood on VFH By DrStrange The 7th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise has come to a close! This installment of Uncyclopedia's bi-annual competition featured an interesting amount of tie scores given directly by individual judges as well as being present in the overall scores. Recent competitions have featured much more decisive scoring but this time around the points were more evenly distributed amongst the entries. As the winning and co-winning entries hit VFH, we're seeing levels of voting that haven't been seen in a while. The first article nominated to VFH from the competition also came with a bold prediction by one numbskull, who questioned his existence if Karl Lagerfeld did not receive 20  For. votes. At 03:57, 11 April 2009 the 20th For vote was cast by Thekillerfroggy and it's safe to say that the author of this instant Uncyclopedia classic should be considered the overall champion with his three entries garnering him two first place articles and one second place finish. Unscrupulous Unsignpost reporters stalked found Modusoperandi while he was receiving longevity treatments in a Côte d'Azur country club and asked him the following softball question: "Who was your favorite character in the 70's hit sitcom Barney Miller?" to which he answered "While each member of the cast had appeal, as each represented part of America's "Melting Pot", I found the comparatively minor character of Inspector Frank Luger (far right), with his high state of partly-sober curmudgeonitude, to be especially charming." One of our winners was not only a perfect 1/1 by winning the best rewrite category with Money but Sycamore also received the vaunted Writer of the Month trophy for March 2009! Another plink user that fared well with plink his outright victory in the best plink mainspace article category was GlobalTourniquet, plink who wrote an article titled with a plink name that is difficult plink to recollect at the moment plonk. He also had two other entries that received 1st runner-up status, so it was a good showing for the artist formerly known as Thomas Pynchon's left Nut. A user that happens to wander in and write us an offering on occasion claimed a share of first place in the alternative namespace category with the UnNews article Obama unveils education reform plans. Monika should drop in more often! Worst 100 of the Year Stumbles to 10 Things by UU The ever-popular Uncyclopedia Worst 100 Reflections series proves it is as popular as ever! As this great year of Our Lord 2009 passes the midpoint of April, the latest iteration has just limped past 10 items, although one or two of them carry a subtle whiff of vanity. According to our resident math boffins here at Signpost Towers, we are exactly "a bit over a quarter of the way through the year, but not yet a third of the way", and so therefore should have precisely "a few more Worst Reflections than this so far". There are several schools of thought as to why this situation has been allowed to arise. One gaining currency among quite literally possibly some Uncyclopedians is that everyone on the site is so busy producing quality material that they just don't have time to devote to such frivolities. However, the continued existence and rate of progress of Forum:Count to a million neatly quashes that theory. Another hypothesis advanced by as many as no or fewer people is that precisely nothing of any interest to anyone has happened, either on this wiki or on the interwebs in general this year. However, while this is significantly more likely than the first theory, the generally accepted explanation seems to be that, quite simply and predictably, Uncyclopedia is the worst.

Check out these pages! Et tu, brute? Define "active" Jokes are serious business From our logs: 03:28, 16 April 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Obama (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Stick to fixing the US's economy--Uncyclopedia editing is not your thing.) 20:34, 14 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.164.152.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (blanking spree? go find something more interesting to do, like sticking your head in an anthill) 20:02, 11 April 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.131.36.107 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'm gradually blanking you. Jerk.) 06:25, 10 April 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked SquintyK (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (14 year olds shouldn't be having sex / whatever the hell it is you're doing.) Biopic of the Week Dexter111344 has the distinction of being the most well-known Uncyclopedian with the most numbers in his name (besides 5P4N6). As a newly coronated poopsmith, he helps take out the garbage on a regular basis. This is just one of many thankless tasks he carries out; he also occasionally volunteers as a paperboy and botanist, and is known for keeping douches in their place. If you see something awesome, and are wondering if Dexter did it, the answer is: "probably". And if he didn't...you know who did... Old School Featured Article of the Week Waiting for Godot is a questioning of the fundamental core of our existence, the foundation on which our moral and social codes are built; the uncertainty of Godot's identity, coupled with the stark, unembellished style of the whole play, poses some powerful questions about our own identities. What the hell are you talking about? I dunno, but it sounds intelligent. Cajek-related Question Posed via Ban of the Week 11:15, 23 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a pronounciation ‎ (How *do* you pronounce your username?) And the answer, for those who care. Bad Dog of the Week DogNewspaper, lovable mascot of the UnSignpost, appearing on the right, will not be appearing in this week's issue. This decision was based on various infractions by DogNewspaper, most notably the Easter presents that were left in an editor's shoe. Look for DogNewspaper to return next week with his monthly piece on mailman defense.

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Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:47, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

Hey Leddy

Just a little leftover from PLS, I wanted a little input on how to fix Why?:Be a transvestite if you're not going to put any effort into it?. My idea was basically to have the neurosis of the narrator eclipse the absurdity of the situation until the reader is left to wonder who's actually the freakier person in this scenario. Unfortunately, I seem to have not conveyed that as well as I could based on the feedback. PP noted that I wasn't "concise enough" but that makes no sense to me because the whole point is that the narrator is incapable of delivering a concise argument and relies on stereotypes and unwarranted fears to judge people. Help! I really want this one to be a hit but I obviously need to put some work into it. Any input would be appreciated.--    09:42, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm... well, personally, when I want to make a narrator unreliable, I have him make a few pretty obvious self-contradictions, break his own internal logic. Then, you could maybe have him make a couple of outrageous claims about his situation, like comparing minor problems to things like the Holocaust, or something else less stereotypical. The hard part is, of course, the escalation--you can't be too subtle or too out there, or else you'll miss the mark. Honestly, I've never been great at the escalating craziness, but if you play with it a bit it should work out. Better yet, ask Cajek--the guy behind normal knows his shit. Cheers man, and good luck. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 11:10, Apr 17

Leddy...

...you feckless rebel. —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:08, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

That's just me, man. I play by my own rules. I'm a loose cannon. The chief says one more stunt like the one I just pulled and he'll have my badge. I don't care though, just as long as the right people end up in jail... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:09, Apr 20

THERE IS NO ROOM FOR A RENEGADE COP ON THE FORCE!! Oh wait, there actually is. My apologies. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:49, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

DAMMIT CHIEF, THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE FORCE ANYMORE! IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING THAT I'VE ALREADY FORGOTTEN! Can't you understand that? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:55, Apr 20

YOU CAN'T KEEP RUNNING FROM YOUR PAST! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT SAURON KILLED YOUR WIFE AND TWELVE CHILDREN! YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF! —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:13, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, MAN! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING KNOWING THAT WHILE YOU WERE SNORTING BLOW OUT OF A HOOKER'S NAVEL, THAT YOUR WIFE AND KIDS WERE BEING RAPED AND MURDERED BY THE DARK LORD OF EVIL, SAURON THE DECEIVER! You just... don't know what it's like... - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:15, Apr 20

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DON'T! NOW GET OUT THERE AND DO YOUR COP THING WHERE YOU GET ALL UP IN SOME GUY'S FACE SO THAT HE CAN SEE THE DEMONS YOU JUST CAN'T FACE REFLECT IN YOUR EYES! WE'VE GOT A TV SHOW TO FINISH! —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:45, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

I don't see why you two have to argue in front of the kids...they have it hard enough as is without having YOU two assholes screaming at each other. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:49, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

DON'T YOU IDIOTS GET IT? I CAN'T PLAY BY THE RULES. If I go by the books, the bad guys just wind up out on the streets again... and I won't let that happen. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:55, Apr 21

What? Do I think this guy is reasonable or something?

Hey, I was wondering if you would perchance consider adopting me as your little noob pal. I'm pretty noobish although I wouldn't say that I'm the noobest. In fact there are probably quite a few that are noober than I am, but I'm still pretty nooby.--JackOfSpades (talk) 06:45, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

I'll certainly adopt you! If it please ye, add {{adoptee|TheLedBalloon}} to your userpage, and ask any questions you have right here on my talk page. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:39, Apr 20

UnSignpost 23rd April 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

April 23rd, 2009 • Issue 44 • Spamming Your Talkpage Since 2008

Conservation Week Largely Ignored By UnCommunity By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia is currently halfway through its bi-annual (semi-annual?) rewriting extravaganza, lovingly referred to as Conservation Week. Every six months, members of this silly wiki partake in the practice of pruning, hacking, nurturing, feeding, and otherwise bothering the 'trees' of the site, which is the running metaphor for 'article'. From the greatest feature machine to the lowliest n00b, everyone can participate in Conservation Week by simply finding a sub-par article and making it better via trimming or adding content, or just plain magic. However, our special investigator DogNewspaper (pictured) has discovered that this so-called Rewrite-a-Thon is not the all-encompassing entity it is meant to be. In fact, normal operations such as VFD, VFH, and the Cajek Ban Joke Factory have not ground to a halt as they clearly should during this special fortnight. Users were puzzled by this revelation; RabbiTechno admitted that he has "little idea what 99.9% of the whole site is all about," and he elaborated that without his constant vigilance, UnNews would surely deteriorate into a third-rate media parody, which this reporter can verify is true. Known conservation standouts have also shockingly participated in non-rewrite-related activities during the designated tree-hugging week. Dexter111344, reigning Greasy Mechanic, blamed the inclement weather, nosy librarians, and the almighty Zeus. Or maybe he just rewrote Zeus, but the librarian part was true for sure. UnSignpost Reporter Subtly Mentions Vigilance Week In Article; Chaos Ensues By Gerrycheevers In the April 23rd, 2009 edition of the UnSignpost, masked co-chief-editor Gerrycheevers covertly linked the word 'vigilance' to Uncyclopedia's Vigilance Week page, inciting riots and mass panic among Uncyclopedians site-wide. Vigilance Week, the mere mention of which often inspires multiple forums where users argue and complain in bold or even italic font, is a period where the rules of article deletion are relaxed, and the worst articles on Uncyclopedia are loaded into the basement of the British Houses of Parliament and blown up using comical amounts of gunpowder. The last Vigilance Week reportedly occured in September/October 2007, resulting in the death of borderline humorous articles by the dozens. The horrific memories of that week have greatly affected some Uncyclopedians, who remain extremely charged about the issue to this day. For example, Modusoperandi recalled his experience when asked to comment on Vigilance Week, saying, "Certainly. What's "Vigilance Week"?" Other users were similarly shocked, as V-Week, as it has come to be known, was described as "unmemorable" by one user, and "get off my lawn" by another. However, the passion that Vigilance Week stirs up is negligent when compared to the shitstorm that results upon the mention of that black sheep of Uncyclopedia holidays: Forest Fire Week. This period in the Fall of 2006, when Uncyc was still really an infant in wiki-years, saw over 3000 articles deleted, more than 15% the total website content at the time. In fact, this very article will probably merit at least one forum regarding FFW despite this periodical's poor circulation and low-quality electrons. At press time, the subtle link to Vigilance Week had caused a medium-sized riot, with hordes of angry users tipping over cars in the Uncyclopedia Parking Structure and setting the animals in the Uncyclopedia Zoo loose. The Cabal is poised to get involved by seizing all media outlets and gener- ATTENTION COMMONERS. ALL IS WELL. THERE WILL BE NO OCCURENCES OF ANY DELETION WEEKS OF ANY KIND. FURTHERMORE, COMEDIC ALLOWANCES WILL HEREBY BE INCREASED FROM 80 GRAMS TO 65 GRAMS. THIS MESSAGE IS NOT THE DOING OF THE CABAL, AS THERE IS NO CABAL. GOODNIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

Check out these pages! The forum is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Ye olde forum Something about TV and magic From our logs: 10:38, 20 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.40.56.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(DON'T BLANK PAGES (also, don't shout. Thanks!)) 12:05, 21 April 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 0 seconds ‎(Thinking impure thoughts about Ricki Lake) 13:26, 21 April 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.216.48.30 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(If you're that bored go and find a solution for the world hunger. Trust me, you'll be much more popular) Biopic of the Week In another installment of Uncylopedia Legends, Procopius is a user you might never have heard of due to his recent inactivity. Without so much as a fancy sig or a new-fangled typewriter, he cranked out feature after feature. His contributions to the medium of misinformation were also well received. Procopius was merely a hard-working blue collar Uncyclopedian, and is hereby recognized by this periodical as awesome. Old School Featured Article of the Week The mere mention of the great Procopius brings to mind one of his greatest masterpieces, The white guy in All-4-One. In this intellectually stimulating article, the mystery of a successful R&B group having a caucasian member is discussed at length. Incidentally, the white male in question has joined the search for an answer to the conundrum, which remains elusive to this day. Cajek-inspired ban-smackdown of the week 08:52, 22 April 2009 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 643 seconds ‎(Oh look, a blatant attempt to get a mention in the UnSignpost) 08:57, 22 April 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Sannse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 seconds ‎(Wups. Sorry. I thought you were Cajek.) 09:06, 22 April 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Sannse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 123 years ‎(Damn our evil wikian masters trying to overtake our newspaper. Revolt! REVOLT I SAY!) 09:07, 22 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎(thought you were Spartacus) 09:10, 22 April 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 14 seconds ‎(No no, I'm Spartacus) Underdog of the Week Rogue ball of tumbleweed recently exploded onto the Uncyclopedia scene, earning a few fractions of votes for N00b of the Month. Despite mild support, it seems fellow n00b YKWTMM is set to take the coveted badge home this month, with an unprecedented 'several' votes. Nevertheless, the UnSignpost would like to recognize Tumbleweed for his resilience and moxie.

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9001(bot)  22:31, Apr 23

Please Go Here

And tell your friends--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 02:27, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Thing

You appear to have created this abandoned WiP. One of yours? Something you were doing for someone else? Pepperoni on that pizza? What I think I'm trying to ask is what do you want to do with it seeing as the expired WiP tag is inviting deletion? --UU - natter 10:33, Apr 27

D'oh! UnIdiot and I started work on that, figuring we'd finish it last week, but I guess I forgot about it. Yeah, I'll huff it, I can always restore it if we ever decide to finish the song. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:37, Apr 27

HALP!!!

PLEASE try to edit Pokemon Island.Nobody knows a shit about Pokemon here, and my article is A TIME BOMB for deletion, despite its length and quality.--Bad Shroom 00:56, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

I'd like to, but I don't really have time. Besides, although I know a bit about the two good pokemon games(red and blue), I don't really know how I could make pokemon funny. However, in my infinite wisdom, I will offer some advice. Sentences like this one: "During the early days of Pokemon Island, the Flying Spaghetti Monster told the natives to convert to Scientology.This succeeded, suprisingly bringing communists to live on the country." aren't really that funny(to me at least, others may disagree). It's random, and doesn't really have anything to do with anything. Avoid randomness, and if you're more coherent the jokes will come easier. The best advice I can give to you is this: First, move the page into your userspace so it won't be deleted and you can spend more time on it. Once, you move it, read through the super duper fantastic fun-time Uncyclopedia writing guide. After that, flip through some previously featured pages (my personal recommendations include this, this, this, this and this). While you're reading, read nominated articles and vote on VFH. After all this, you come back to your page, full to the brim with comedic inspiration, and spew your humor all over it. That's how I learned how to write. Not really the quickest process, but it works. Cheers, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:22, Apr 30

UnSignpost! 1st Anniversary Special!!!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

April 30th, 2009 • Issue 45 • The periodical that - Jesus Christ it's a lion get in the car!

UnSignpost Editors Too Busy Working on Anniversary UnSignpost to Bother with This Week's Issue By Gerrycheevers Since next week marks the incredible one-year anniversary of the storied UnSignpost, the editors are focusing all of their efforts on that issue and thus leaving this issue out in the cold. Rest assured that next week's 46th issue, marking the 46 weeks in the year on the Uncyclopedia calendar, will be "a bumper special issue" according to co-chief-editor Under user. The promise of a special bonus issue brings to mind several of the UnSignpost's more notable issues, such as the All-Kitten Issue and the Seventeenth Issue Spectacular. Reactions to the milestone were mixed in the community. "I feel the signpost has in many ways brought a little too much cabal propaganda to the site for my liking," said noted good-looking tree Sycamore. Were there a cabal, cabal authorities would currently be on the way to Sycamore's house to arrest him. Lucky for him there is no cabal. By the way, if you really thought this was the first anniversary issue, you suck.

Check out these pages! To pee or not to pee? Some more links. Are you still here? From our logs: Take your pick Biopic of the Week <insert name here> is certainly noteworthy. Old School Featured Article of the Week Nihilism. Word of the Week Brevity.

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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:25, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost is proud to present its 1st Anniversary Special

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

May 5th, 2009 • First Anniversary Issue! • Disdaining news in favour of blatant self-promotion

Self-Proclaimed Greatest Newspaper on the Wiki Reaches First Birthday By UU Can you believe it? We can't - particularly as we're only on issue number 46 - and yet it's true, the greatest piece of talkpage spam in the history of this shabby little wiki (and the most modest too) celebrates its first anniversary! Birthed in a blaze of optimism and creativity by fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper and mythical user-in-exile Cajek at the start of May 2008, the UnSignpost was intended to shine a light into the dark corners of the wiki, keeping users up-to-date with anything worth keeping up-to-date with. In this special article, we examine what went wrong, where that glorious vision got corrupted, and how it has ended up in its current state. The early issues were churned out at a great rate by the founding editors, and Cajek was so enthused by the project that he suggested to Skullthumper that they should move to a twice-weekly release - fortunately, this suggestion was shot down in flames by the doc, or the paper may never have celebrated a second month, let alone a full year! Skullthumper was first to leave the Signpost behind for pastures new, perhaps feeling his work was already done. Looking back nostalgically now at those heady early days, Skull exclusively observed: "Well! Working on the UnSignpost in the beginning was a really fun experience, not gonna lie. Cajek and I were both super excited about it. I'm glad it existed through to today, entirely by the help of other people. The setup was seriously the most fun part. We had NO clue what we were doing, we were experimenting with formatting, content, and a bot that only worked half the time. To summarize: It kicked ass. I had no idea it was about a year ago that it started." With only Cajek powering it, the Signpost forged onwards, but was beginning to run into troubled waters - even Cajek's legendary enthusiasm was beginning to founder, and when he began to struggle for time, he asked DJ Irreverent to take the helm. We asked Cajek for a nostalgic comment about the Signpost, but he was unavailable, so instead here's a random line from one of his articles: "Also, don't be surprised if you go to jail for what society deems "gross", "horrible", and "Satanic": it's all part of being an ant keeper... and an ant "watcher"". The DJ managed to steady the ship (how long can we sustain this metaphor?), but struggled to handle the torch he'd been passed by his adopter (looks like we didn't sustain it very long - never mind!). Asked to comment on this turbulent period, the DJ exclusively remarked: "I dropped said torch like a ton of bricks as a good child should always do. I could not take on the family business, I needed to dance. Anyway, I wrote about 2 articles". So the pattern of users taking over the paper, only to burn out and abandon it again was becoming well established. Next in the editor's chair was UU, who lasted about 6 issues, before becoming so overwhelmed by the pressures of the paper that he went and got married in order to have a good excuse to get away from it for a few weeks. Recalling those halcyon days, UU told us exclusively: "I love the Signpost, and have had a great time working on it. It does get in the way of writing real articles though, as some users might testify, and it can be a pain to come up with stories each week - hopefully this issue might spark a few people to put some more ideas in the press room". Fortunately, UU had taken the foresighted step of questioning the staying power of one Gerrycheevers in a previous issue's "comeback of the week" box, and Gerry was so determined to prove he had what it took, that he took over the paper while UU swanned off around the world. Cheevers's time at the helm brought such classic issues as the all-kitten issue, and his exclusive dewy-eyed remembrances run thusly: "I'm proud for having successfully stolen this periodical from Cajek and Skull, and I look forward to many more years of turning forums into news stories, dredging up old features that nobody cares about, and of course making tedious Cajek ban jokes. I also demand a raise and Cajek's office!" Unfortunately, Cheevers's staying power lived up to UU's expectations, and Gerry took another small break. UU returned to the paper, and frantically enlisted contributions from the likes of Orian57 and Heerenveen to keep the wheels of news turning smoothly. Asked for comment on his input, Orian exclusively told us: "It's a been a great help in bonding together this community. And it's made things more interesting, what with everyone trying to do news worthy things just to get their names in the paper. Or something, I can't manufacture funny under pressure and this is pressure because you're gonna put this in the paper just to humiliate me now, aren't you?". Hv, meanwhile, exclusively commented: "It's amazing that our wonderful newspaper has lasted for so long, especially when you figure the us editors have had nothing to work with but "OMGZ THIS WIKI IZ D00MED" stories since about Issue IV. It's a great tribute to the us editors' ability to make Cajek-filled fluff pieces up on the fly. Maybe they we should try for the Daily Mail?". Gerrycheevers has been fully back on board since early this year, UU is still hanging around in between banning people and huffing stuff, and with other contributors still pitching in, plus a plentiful supply of Cajek bans to use as padding (see next story), it looks like the immediate future of the paper is in good competent human some kind of hands. Want to join the list of over 25 people who have contributed to the paper since its inception? Or want to join the ranks of hand-deliverers and paperbots that have been burned out along the way, and now line the wiki as lifeless husks? Give us a shout in the press room, and become part of the Uncyc furniture! Wish we'd gotten a quote from Cajek though. Bastard. Cajek 100 Ban Extravaganza By Gerrycheevers During the very same week that Uncyclopedia's most well-known journalism source (suck it, UnNews!) celebrates its first birthday with much cake and punch, one of its co-founders achieved his own personal milestone by being banned for the one hundredth time. Rumors of making Cajek an admin when he reached the milestone have thus far not proven to be true, although he may have magically gained sysop powers upon entering triple-digit territory and we just won't know it until he comes back from wherever he's hiding in a hailstorm of admin-related activity (whatever it is that they do). The milestone was reached largely thanks to users such as Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who took to the streets in a grassroots effort to raise awareness, and Gerrycheevers, who went directly to certain sysops with demonstrably active bansticks pleading for a "Cajek-whooping." The landmark 100th ban was achieved yesterday, with the good Dr. Skullthumper blocking Cajek with an expiry time of "a milestone". The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Cajek, and also plead for his return. Cajek was unavailable for comment, and this reporter was once again chased off of the grounds of the Cajek Mansion, this time by the abstract philosophical concept of existentialism. From the desk of the Cabal Special By No-one The cabal is most displeased with this apparent so called "newspaper" or "voice of the people". What news could there be other than "maintain the peace and obey the cabal, should it exist"? What voice should the people have other than "Yes sir", "No sir" and "Of course, I'll send my sister post haste to your bedroom, Sir"? This useless rag might let people think that the Uncyclopedians have a modicum of freedom. We the cabal, do not exist. But if we did, we'd be most unpleased and just about prepared to clamp down on this operation. Obey the cabal, the cabal is your imaginary friend.

Check out these pages! 3,422 and going strong! No winner yet declared in 'not pointless' forum A blast from the past Best of From our logs: 09:23, 30 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gay admin ‎ (you like rahb. rahb = penis. therefore you like penis. therefore you = ghey. this logic is irrefutable. also, morning mordillo.) 11:00, 15 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Slicktorine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbullying: We just don't care about you or your friends. Sorry. I suggest you ask him for a date. He's probably a really nice guy.) 02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.) 08:25, 13 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Tardman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (I love being a cunt, it makes my hair glow) Codeine (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wild sweaty orgies" (If anyone's gonna write an article about these it'll be me. I've done the research.) 02:14, 10 December 2008 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.142.37.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hi. Welcome to Uncyc. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay here. We did too.) 04:57, 23 October 2008 Tom mayfair (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Intimidating behaviour/harassment: & Not The Good Sexual Kind of Harassment Either) 04:20, 22 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.15.244.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You, sir, have gone above and beyond the call of failure. Now that may sound like a compliment, but read it again, paying special attention to that last word. Yeah.) 7:41, 20 September 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Just got back. Haven't banned Cajek in a month. Gotta get my fix. CLICK. Aaaaaah yeeeeeahhh. That's gooood shit.) 19:36, 21 September 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Reggie4 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You have 2 cows. Both of them are banned.) 21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.) 23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend) 07:26, 23 June 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 124.170.144.245 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (You have been autoblocked by the Uncyclopedia penis-size-detector. Rylie, I'm afraid your penis is too small to edit Uncyclopedia. Please try again after puberty.) 12:50, May 28, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Benhagerty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (KILL EVERY FIRSTBORN SON) Biopic of the Week 1 year old this week, the UnSignpost is the wiki-based newspaper vain enough to give itself a biopic! It has yet to write any featured articles, and hasn't even created a single featured image, but it's appeared on almost as many talk pages as a Modus one-liner, and is certainly the longest-lived newspaper on this wiki. Vive l'UnSignpost! Thankies of the Week The staff of the UnSignpost would like to thank all our readers for pretending to care long enough for us to reach this milestone. We couldn't have done it without you. (Well, we could, but there wouldn't have been much point). Retraction of the Week In last week's edition of the UnSignpost, the current swine flu pandemic was hailed as a blessing, and our editors expressed hope that the world population would be reduced, making references to particular groups of people as 'expendable'. We would like to express our deepest apologies for referring to this epidemic as 'swine flu', and we will henceforth refer to it by the disease's proper name: H1N1 influenza. We are truly sorry to any pigs or other members of the swine family who may have taken offense. Old School Featured Article of the Week Water Polo... With Sharks! is possibly the most difficult, dangerous, and exciting sport known to man. With only slight rules variations from normal water polo, such as the amount of hands you can have on the ball and there being sharks in the water, Water Polo... With Sharks! is the world's second fastest-growing sport, behind Texas Hold 'Em... With Rabid Wolverines! Pathetic Plea of the Week What has happened to all of the robots? The UnSignpost has gone through a seemingly endless supply of robots, and several unsuspecting and apparently bored users have also hand-delivered the paper when no automated bots were available. Lately, Sock and Dexter have joined forces to ensure prompt Signpost delivery, but surely the task of pasting the paper onto thousands hundreds dozens of talk pages will result in arm fatigue and dog attacks. Therefore, a plea: everyone create more robots! Old School 'Of the Week' Box of the Week This Week in Uncyclopedia, featured in issues 3 through three, took a look back at some of the greatest highs and crushing lows in the history of this silly wiki. Look for this box to make a triumphant return to the UnSignpost, along with other old favorites such as UU's Obscure British Dialect Expression of the Week and Reason For Leaving Uncyclopedia of the Week.

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---

Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:14, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Help with sig

Hey, so I'm trying to come up with a new sig kind of like what Socky had but I can't figure out how the sigexpand and sighidden things work. What I have as of now is this. JackOfSpades (talk) 19:59, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Want help? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:01, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Actually, expandy sigs are probably the only thing I never really figured out the nuances of. I never really felt like I wanted to have one, personally. Just copy and paste the code from someone else's and tinker with it is the best advice I can give. Sorry :/ - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:00, May 10

No problem, I didn't get exactly what I was expecting but that's just the way it is sometimes. (talk) 02:05, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

Zezima?

Why did you lock the Zezima page? Zezima is the best player of RuneScape, and you said "No one can write an article about him that doesnt suck"... which is unfair, I could totally write an awesome article about Zezima - think you should unlock the article -- Captain Nerd(Talk)

First off, I'm pretty sure that violates the Codeine's mum rule. But, I'm not 100% sure, so I'll tell you what: prove to me that you can write a funny page about Zezima. Start work on it in your userspace at User:Captain Nerd/Zezima, show me what you write, and if it's good I'll unlock the page for you. Good luck, - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 12:54, May 10

UnSignpost May 14th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

May 14th, 2009 • Issue 47 • And you will know our name is the UnSignpost when we lay our news upon you!

Wales Speaks Exclusively to UnSignpost! by UU It's the big one folks, the interview they all wanted, but we got: shy, retiring Wikimedia mogul Jimbo Wales has spoken exclusively to your UnSignpost. Wales (pictured right in happier times) took time out from his busy schedule of inserting further Liberal bias into Wikipedia to share with us his thoughts on the credit crunch, the Obama administration, the Pope's visit to the Middle East, and the future of Uncyclopedia, and the insight is literally devastating in its incisiveness. When pressed on these vital issues, Jimbo confided to us: "You kids get offa my pipe! Now, where's my lawn?" These are words that every user will interpret in their own special way - Jimbo, like all great orators, has the ability to make profound pronouncements that each and every listener will put their own unique spin on, so that it seems he is talking to them alone. Whatever pearl of wisdom you find in this oracular utterance, we are sure it is exactly what you were intended to find. Crowning Acheevement by UU UnSignpost co-editor, Imperial Colonization lynchpin and all-round star user Gerrycheevers has made Uncyclopedian history by becoming the first user ever to win all of the major monthly awards on the wiki: WotM, UotM, NotM, FPotM, and PotM. Plus RotM, although that's not really considered "major". This astonishing fact was pointed out by RAHB, proving quite conclusively that he must have no life whatsoever. When asked for comment, Gerry exclusively told us: "Well, I don't know what to say, really. I suppose my well-roundedness speaks volumes about my excessive amount of free time. My next objective will be to obtain a microphone and continue my quixotic quest to collect all of the awards". Rules < Funny: The Essay by UU Loveable Uncyc pyromaniac The Woodburninator, long known for his views on how "rules" and "funny" should relate to each other, has, in an alcohol-induced "moment of clarity", composed an essay on the subject. He encourages you to read it, and exclusively told us he questions the sexuality of everyone who doesn't. As a completely neutral wiki newspaper, the UnSignpost of course neither endorses nor doesn't endorse any of the views contained within the essay. It just agrees with some of them. Is it a Usergroup if there are no Users Grouped in it? by Joe9320 It has been about a year and a half since Uncyclopedia's once shining usergroup network stopped operating and became extinct. As ever in such circumstances, conspiracy theories have quickly sprung up to explain how this could have happened. Some say that when Chronarion left Uncyclopedia to focus on another project, he left it to the Wikia staff to do all the patrolling, which caused Uncyclopedia's domain name to be changed in October 2008, and the user groups were left to rot with no activity, like the Hittites did when they destroyed their own city and left. Others say that UNSOC killed off every other usergroup, from the Grue Army to UNATO, and had a monopoly on the usergroups. Whether the theories are true or not, the usergroups appear to have all but died. In January 2009, archaeologists from the Philippines dug through the ruins of the usergroups and found compelling evidence that there is still a small amount of activity in the UNSOC group, whose interim leader Necropaxx was heard to observe "UNSOC has about 3 or so active users right now; we just keep that gigantic list to inflate our numbers". The non-existent Cabal have not made any comment about this being a dastardly plan of theirs to ensure the "golden Age" of Uncyclopedia 2005-2007 remains sacrosanct. Because they don't exist, obviously.

Check out these pages! Rewriters, assemble! Confessions of a parody parodist Who needs publicity? From our logs: 18:42, 27 April 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked I AM GOD (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(Zeus called. He wants his title back. Something about missing having an excuse for incest.) 21:58, 13 May 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.141.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(seek the definition of life in the dictionary. Hint: it does not include so called venegance against humor wikis. Also, seek the definition of vengance. Creating wiki pages does not constitue as such.) 12:49, 14 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.41.56.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (don't blank pages, it's proof you have even less of a life than we do.) Biopic of the Week Colin "All your base" Heaney may possibly have the most annoying username to have to copy and paste into a Signpost biopic in all of Uncyclopedia. A mainstay in such helpful roles as VFD, Colin's accomplishments include contributions to the famed Al Gore colonization, having explosions in his sig that look rather cool when he signs a bunch of times in a row, and setting the record for most electrons used in a userpage and corresponding talk page. Go Colin! Cajek Sighting of the Week Co-founder of the UnSignpost Cajek was sighted this week in an alley behind his userpage, taking out the trash. He also updated his ban counter to a robust 117 and added electricity and magic to the iron fences surrounding the Cajek Mansion. Look for an exclusive fake interview with Cajek in next week's UnSignpost! Desperate Attention Seeker of the Week 00:55, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (The) 00:55, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (UnSignpost) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Had) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Better) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Run) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (This) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Series) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (of) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Bans) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Next) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Week) (There were more. We got bored copy/pasting them. Find the rest yourself)

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Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:45, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

Danke schön!

'FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN'

Thank you for supporting my recent Writer of the Month campaign

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Sir Guildensternenstein

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This is not my talkpage. You're welcome, though. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:57, May 1

But, like, this might as well be your talkpage if that's how people used it, right? --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 04:45, 6 May 2009 (UTC)