User talk:Cajek/Archive27

VIRGIN TALK PAGE!!

Yes, I've always wanted to do this! Your talk page's virginity is mine!

RAPE

Oh and bout that UnNews article of yours, I thought it was pretty good with a nice concept. It isn't quite VFH yet, cause I think it needs quite a bit of work and one more picture if possible. - 06:31 21 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

UGotM

*rolls eyes* C'mon the nom of Alien Hunter was justified. UGotM is supposed to point out people who talk too much and add little or nothing to the writing part of the site but, generally, a lot to the community. Not somewhere where we can go and inflate our ego's further by nomming joke candidates like lolololol Dr. S actually does a lot for the site so it is funny!!111!1!1!11. If it doesn't do that then there is no point having such a useless award. /end rant --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 08:57, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

let's not nominate people who don't know what they're doing yet and say we didn't... /me stops and checks my notes yeah, that's what I meant. I was nominated seriously for UGotM once, and it didn't make me want to contribute to the site that much. Let's not be dicks, right DJ?   Le Cejak • <May 21, 2008 [9:52]>

kk. I say we do away with the whole award thing then, if it has just become a place for lame jokes like that and dickery... --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 09:56, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

I always though UGotM was for pointing out people who mostly just troll around trying to start trouble on talk pages and forums, and yet never actually really bother to do anything useful for the site. I find it useful as it's a place to put people when they have not really done anything bad enough to be banned, but just to point out that the community recognises that they are not really following the spirit of what Uncyc is about. We are not a chat forum, but a humour wiki. The forums and talk pages exist, and should be used for a bit of fun and banter from time to time, but when you get a user who virtually never does anything else, and never actually says anything useful when they do, it's UGotM time. Also UGotM can be used in fun. For example sometimes a very experienced and useful user is nominated as a joke. Kinda in the same way as with RC on NotM, or in the way Cajek nominated me for Whore of the Month last month. The point is that everyone will be able to tell the difference between the serious UGotM noms and the joke ones. I personally think that UGotM is a useful thing to have, although many disagree with me. It's probably better than a warning ban in most cases and just might make a user buck their ideas up... Now, if you don't mind, I'm off to nominate MrN9000 for UGotM of the month. What a wanker. MrN 10:16, May 21

Nom him for Useless Gobshite of the Month of the Month? Yeah, he'd get my vote for that! ;-) --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 10:20, May 21

Yeah that is what it should be for... but to quote some guy in like Sept 07 on UGotM...

“ How is this funny? All it is is hurtful and is an attack towards users who aren't necessarily good as other users.

A lot of users besides myself has been offended by this award, I cannot participate in a community full of mean assholes and have decided to quit Uncyclopedia forever. Fuck Uncyclopedia

”

It can end up in flamewars and turning people off the site that you don't want to lose. Oh well... also STOP FUCKING EDIT CONFLICTING ME --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 10:23, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

There was all sorts of drama after that, with votes to get rid of UGotM and people passionately defending it. I think the idea behind leaving it was that people would lay off nomming people in spite, and concentrate on trying to nom in fun, or at least nom people who wouldn't mind so much. It's about the only thing I don't nom or vote on myself, as I really couldn't give a flying fuck about it, and it occasionally causes drama. Also, STOP BEING EDIT CONFLICTED BY ME! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 10:29, May 21

Yar. I didn't care before and, by tomorrow, I wont care again probably. Oh well, I sparked a conversation :D --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 10:41, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

Well, if users do not agree with a UotM nomination then they can use it as an excuse to say how much they actually like the user in question. :-) MrN 12:20, May 21

YAY! MY TALK PAGE IS POPULAR! ...AND BY EXTENSION, SO AM I!   Le Cejak • <May 21, 2008 [13:35]>

Hey stop trying to ride off your your talk page's success. Now, talkie (can I call you that?) is awesome --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:38, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

If only talkie had his own talk page. I would sooooo ride off that talk page's success.   Le Cejak • <May 21, 2008 [13:41]>

Now there's a suggestion. A talk page for the talk page. Obviously, forum talk pages are a great idea, but talk-talk, that's just awesome. Shame those fools at Media Wiki have no understanding of the importance. The trouble being, what happens when you need to talk about that page? Maybe just write an article or something stupid like that I guess. Oh, who's talk page is this anyway? I thought this was just a standard Uncyc posting forum where people harp on about whatever comes to mind. Now, what was I saying... During the war... MrN 19:28, May 21

First of all, I could just create User talk:Cajek/talk and User talk:Cajek/talk/talk to cover all contingencies. ...what?   Le Cejak • <19:59, 21 May 2008>

Wait a second, who are you, and what are you doing here? This is not page for just any random person to say whatever they like you know. Maybe we should talk about this. That reminds me... Back in my day, I remember when all this was just zero's and ones... MrN 20:12, May 21

Your child is whoring. Don't make 'em hit the street

Well, I just finished HowTo:Hunt Interesting Exotic Dancer Conversation. As my adopted parent, would you please take a glance at it and let me know what needs work or just punching up. I know it is in dire need of a nice big picture up top (I can't find a good one, if you'd add one that'd be great) and some format editing. Hope you enjoy the read. --Cheapinitreal 01:28, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

Hi Cheap! Okay, I'll get right on it, give me a few (minutes, hopefully)   Le Cejak • <1:31, 22 May 2008>

Userlove

Aww man you know I love you in the pure uncyclopedic way... oh wait that isn't very pure... um... wikipedic way? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 11:08, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

I love you in a wookiepedic way: lots of tentacles and weird fluids all over the place!   Le Cejak • <12:51, 22 May 2008>

No no. that's the Japanese way --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 12:54, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

Dude, I am so tempted to write an article on our hero... Also, ha ha, you got blocked from Star Wars!   Le Cejak • <12:56, 22 May 2008>

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LIFE IS WORTHLESS!!!!!111!1!111!111 I will always have the memories... and his hair... his beautiful aired-for-30-seconds-under-that-rather-fitting-dark-green-hat-before-his-death hair... --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:10, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

I can haz double redirects?!

[1] ~ 12:30, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

HUH? I DENY EVERYTHING!!!!   Le Cejak • <12:51, 22 May 2008>

YOU CANNOT DENY ANYTHING! I HAVE EVIDENCE! ~ 13:00, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

YOU WOULDN'T SHOW THE COURT EVIDENCE THAT I LICKED, WOULD YOU??? /me licks your stoopid evidence   Le Cejak • <13:01, 22 May 2008>

arghh...../me speechless ~ 13:18, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

My Enemy Strikes Again

Well it seems Mordillo had huffed my article because I didn't place the under construction tag on it. This man/or woman had huffed 3 of my articles before, and I am really starting to fucking hate him (not even sure he reads the shit he deletes). I am going to post on his discussion page (asking for it to be reposted). People like him are what detours noobs who might actually want to contribute to this site. Sorry I seem a bit pissy but when the first thing you see when you wake up is that your work for the last few days has been deleted, it really irritate. --Cheapinitreal 16:03, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

Whoa there, before you go to Mordillo, tell me what was deleted.   Le Cejak • <16:05, 22 May 2008>

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh   Le Cejak • <16:07, 22 May 2008>

Responded on his talk page. ~ 16:09, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

Hey, Mordillo's awesome! Awesome-o-mordillo. - 17:11 22 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Effort...Work...CMC...Meh

Hey Cajek, I'm dropping round to see-ah if you want IT. Also, considering you're the only honoured member in our small band of cow worshipping maniacs whether you have a little bit of spare time to become a permanent member of the Upper Court of the new CMC Parliament. Basically it would be mean occasionally saying some stuff and giving your opinions on things and then voting and stuff. If you're too busy or whatever, that's fine, but if you're willing to do it you get to be a CMC Courtier. - 17:11 22 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Sure, but you have to tell me what to do... and what to say. Oh man, I'm already Skullthumper's bot, now I'm YTTE's puppet!   Le Cejak • <17:26, 22 May 2008>

Oh sure...it's easy what you have to do, just try and not flirt with the other courtiers and stop being such a slut, you biatch. I know you slept wiv Tom, don't like even try and deny it! And like I just know that you sucked off that doctor who did your appendix... Oh and have a template:

Cow Moo Cult Honour - Courtier
This user has been bestowed the CMC honour of Courtier. He or she is now an official member of the Upper Court of the CMC Parliament and has Cow Moo Power!

- 17:45 22 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

UnSignpost: May 22nd, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

May 22th, 2008 • Issue 4 • Par 6

Oldest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered Renowned Uncyclopedia historian Spangle Gay Glittersprinkles, has discovered the oldest non-Uncyclopedia related article ever written. "The fact that pie was the first article really opened my eyes. It really did. I see it all now: Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia... the construction and future of these wikis have been laid out before me." When asked what he meant, Spang said that, upon reading the first version of the article Pie, the future of Uncyclopedia was revealed to him. The version presently up is "but a pale shadow of what it once was." The fabled first version of the article is, according to Spang and fellow UnArcheologist TheLedBalloon, "The DaVinci Code of Uncyclopedia." One of the oldest contributors, 68.237.62.152, is said to be the creator of the fabled text, but could not be reached for comment... maybe 'cuz he was gettin' laid or somethin' cool like that. "If only the original version had survived!" Said Spang's lead balloon, who gained sentience upon glimpsing the article. "I want to know the significance of the Norris! The secret meaning behind the Wilde! The hidden power of the grue! I want to know the secret of the memes!" "First of all, how did a balloon become an administrator? Oh, right, this is Uncyclopedia." Said long-missing founder Chronarion. "Second of all, the current article you have up there is, although not as mystical, still sorta mystical... For example, look at that quote at the top! CLASSIC Oscar Wilde!" Questions arose as to why the original version was deleted in the first place, but Chronarion, who only made an appearance in one of our writer's drug trips, merely cackled, turned into a tomato, and vanished in a cloud of LULZ!!1. The mystery surrounding Pie continues, and Uncyclopedian historians are still seeking the truth. ...BUY A SUBSCRIPTION TO UNSIGNPOST to see further developments! Following Third Issue, UnSignpost Wins All Sortsa Awards n' Shit At the annual Uncyclopedia Signpost awards banquet, held every year in Dr. Skullthumper's backyard, the Signpost was the clear winner of the night, garnishing all 149 awards in all 144 categories. The press was not invited to the gala, but the Unsignpost has heard that several Uncyclopedia celebrities were at the event. Mike - you know Mike - said, "Oh yeah, we got Chronarion and Save the... whatever it was... We got 'em all! We even had Famine! Even though he still hates us, he still bothered to show up and drunkenly berate the guests! In fact, I think he's still in there, berating the furniture!" Unsignpost writers all agree that it's not pathetic to give yourself an award once in a while. We do our chores! We've been kicked around! Why don't we, the writers, get any recognition? The special boobie-prize, The Feel Okay About Ourselves Award for 2008, was accepted by Cajek on behalf of the writers instead of a paycheck. "Finally I get a god damned award." One of the writers dramatically grabbed the award away onstage and, crying, started screaming at the award itself. "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?!? YOU BASTARD!!" Unsignpost is planning to make the awards banquet biweekly, in honor of the fact that the writers are extremely lonely, and just want a way to talk to loads of people without having to listen to "feedback". Newest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered Although searching through relics was fun for the Indiana-Jonesish stylings of more techie-minded Uncyclopedians, the Unsignpost has, all by itself!!, made a new discovery. Yes, the newest article, Jacob Zuma, created just at the time of this writing, is the newest article to date. No! Wait! It's RETARDIS. Wait, no, it's Broomstick. Oh whatever, the point is that we found it, and when it's deleted in three seconds, Unsignpost gets first gloating rights.

Check out these pages! Spang is Gay! The Monkey Spankers Complete Collection In Another Wiki, Far Far Away From our logs: 07:04, May 16, 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked 134.225.176.229 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Uh oh! Don't mess with Grant Whitaker Island! Or whatever it is you said! ) 19:28, March 18, 2007 Famine (Talk | contribs) blocked You're a tool bag (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Come back when you have more tools in your bag) 12:37, May 17, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked You're a tool bag (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (NO U. Also, LOL coming back to blank after a one year ban) Biopic of the Week Example ~ The standard Uncyclopedia user, Example has never read HTBFANJS, has created hundreds of stupid forum topics that make no sense, and has bothered dozens of admins without being annoying enough to be banned. Although he/she/it has no opinions or original ideas, he/she/it has still managed to produce dozens of deleteable articles. Truly, Example is an example for us all... get it? GET IT?! Rorschach Inkblot Response of the Week: "HOW DARE YOU SHOW THAT TO ME!!" (slaps psychologist) "You're just like my two mothers: every Easter they do that to me... WHY???" Reason for Leaving Uncyclopedia of the Week: 8. Not enough users leaving. Horrifying Disease of the Week: The Genital Migration Virus ~ Normally found only in the most remote regions of the Congo, GMV has now "migrated" to the general populous. It can be transferred only by physical or emotional contact. There is, as of yet, no "known" cure for GMV, because Unsignpost's writers are keeping the vaccine secret until the government... well, we've said too much. Retraction of the Week: We at Unsignpost are sorry. In our last issue we stated that "slavery was kewl" and that "the Yankees will never take it away from us." Apparently, we were wr- wro... wwwrrrrr- I can't say it!! Letter of the Week: This week's UnSignpost was brought to you by the letter "U". Because without it, we wouldn't be able to spell "UnSignpost", let alone the sexiest of all U words, "undulate". Reason for staying at Uncyclopedia of the Week: 73. Can't find the door, no thanks to {{welcome}}.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 20:07, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

Drop me a line when you've finished

Hello, mom, pop, figment of my imagination! Whenever you get a chance to take a closer look at that article (the one i threw a totally unwarranted tantrum about), please just drop a line on my discussion page. That way I will stop with the constant checking and it will just tell me your done. I am waiting to see which of my two articles I am currently editing will need less work before starting on either of them or creating something new. BTW you've turned out to be a fine parent as well(I also mean that in the most sexual of manners) Thanks again for all your help--Cheapinitreal 03:42, 23 May 2008 (UTC)

I'm sorry I've been neglectful! I got totally sidetracked with this new project of mine. Yes, tomorrow, I promise!   Le Cejak • <3:46, 23 May 2008>

No problem. I read your latest project on the VFH page and laughed pretty hard. I don't think it is quite VFH worthy yet but what do I know? I am just a noob and one who thought Kitty Porn was worthy. I've also added a list of some possible rewrite candidates to my user page. If you could take a look and let me know what you think would be the most interesting topic for me to tackle, I'd appreciate it (some of the topics won't shock you given my current articles). I've just been getting a little bored. The HowTo article definitely has priority over anything else right now. I am hoping it is one that with some spit and polish could be VFH worthy. I'd like to pull one down before the end of the month and hopefully lock up the NotM having done so. I must be bored. This could've been a paragraph to something much funnier. I've even been doing some reviewing. EEK!--Cheapinitreal 06:28, 23 May 2008 (UTC)

I'm vaguely worried

So this morning, I get to work to find a hu-fucking-mungous roll of Bubble Wrap next to my desk. Have they noticed I spend, like, half my working day on here, and decided to drop me a big hint? Or did they just know about my... preferences.... Or what? What the fuck is going on? Aaah! (Also, I needed to say something about this and couldn't think where to, so it goes here - that should probably tell you something else, but I'm too spooked to work out what it is). --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:46, May 23

If they start quoting Oscar Wilde at you, FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE JOB LIFE. Hey... this isn't my talk page! - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 10:38, May 23

Did the bubble wrap contain any... secret messages? Or any symbolism? Or anything at all?   Le Cejak • <11:40, 23 May 2008>

Er, just a cardboard tube, on which the bubble wrap is rolled. Did I mention the roll is hu-fucking-mungous? People keep stopping by my desk for a brief *pop*. This is odd, man. If they tell me to GO EAT SHIT FUCKERS I think I may panic... --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 11:53, May 23

How do you think Uncyclopedia felt when it found out you were shirking your responsibilities by having a job? It would drop hints like that too, if you recall. Remember the ominous talk page message you got entitled, "I need this by Monday"? That was no coincidence, that was an angry little clue that Unccylopedia has had enough of your "job" shit, Under user. When are you gonna quit that job of yours?   Le Cejak • <11:55, 23 May 2008>

HeHe

“ Sometimes I feel Like I dont have a partner

Sometimes I feel Like my only friend Is the city I live in The city of angel Lonely as I am Together we cry

”

“ I drive on her streets cause shes my companion

I walk through her hills cause she knows who I am She sees my good deeds And she kisses me windy I never worry Now that is a lie

”

“ I dont ever want to feel Like I did that day

Take me to the place I love Take me all the way

”

“ Its hard to believe That theres nobody out there

Its hard to believe That Im all alone At least I have her love The city she loves me Lonely as I am Together we cry

”

“ I dont ever want to feel Like I did that day

Take me to the place I love Take me all the way

”

“ Under the bridge downtown Is where I drew some blood

Under the bridge downtown I could not get enough Under the bridge downtown Forgot about my love Under the bridge downtown I gave my life away

”

-MrN9000 on happening to be singing to himself as he passed by...

I think I was listening to rap at the time, but thanks for saying I'm lonely! ...bastard! :)   Le Cejak • <17:06, 23 May 2008>

It's an awesome song. I'm listening to it right now. This song was covered by the British girl band "All Saints". I don't know if you have ever listened to their version, it's actually pretty good, although obviously not a patch on the original.

This was in the charts and actually did really well. The funny thing was that in an interview later they were asked what they thought about the subject matter of the song. They revealed that they actually had no idea what it was all about... Being under bridges presumably... The Chillies might not agree

This is in central London I think.

I did not want to leave you with the all Saints version in your head! Also, MrN promises to stop using the youtube feature for a bit... MrN 17:43, May 23

So, enough of that pants

and onto some new pants... I have been tarting around a bit with my user page and talk page headers trying to get in line with this new more minimal thing. What do you think? Any suggestions? I think the main problem might be lack of feature templates... :( Feel free to edit the living hell out of it should an idea take your fancy... Now why do I think that's a bad idea??? MrN 19:23, May 23

Hea, thanks a lot! That all looks a lot better. Now all I need is another 10 or 20 features... Hmm... :) MrN 23:40, May 23

Oh, I'll give you some of mine! Only $25 (AMERICAN BUCKS) each!!   Le Cejak • <23:41, 23 May 2008>

You will give me one of your? Oh, I see you are trying to do that already. Not that I'm not grateful! /me picks up cigarette buts from the ash tray and empties them into his pipe... MrN 23:59, May 23

Rhonda

SysRQ said that you enjoy having a jolly good pretzel on his talk page. he also said that you would like my gospel. Visit User:Rhonda/Gospel if you wanna stay high. Rhonda 01:35, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

:'(

CAJEK I DIDN'T MEAN IT PLEEZ COME BACK TO IRC I WUV U!!!! Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:20, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

lol I got kicked off, and then I leaned back in my chair and thought: hmmm, maybe I've been on the computer too long!   Le Cejak • <3:26, 24 May 2008>

Yea... about you getting kicked off... see, that was me. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:32, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

I KNOW, DOOFUS!! /me gives Boomer the evil eye But no, I'll be back to IRC eventually. I should just go to bed, seein' as how I'm sick and all. ...how'd you do that?   Le Cejak • <3:34, 24 May 2008>

Well, see, after our interaction yesterday I was searching for an effective way to show you what-for. I just happened to look you up with my lovely friend Nickserv and notice that your nickname wasn't registered. After laughing for an appropriate amount of time, I then registered your name and waited for the next time you came on so I could ghost you. And the rest, as they say, is why I'm on your talk page begging you to come back. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:45, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Dear Cajek,

Consider this my official "I'm off" speech. Not forever, probably, but for a good while.

I can't be involved in Uncyclopedia like I once was. It's not that I dislike this place; in fact I love this place. If it wasn't for this site I'd have never gotten back to writing. I'm not leaving because of any drama or anger or whatnot, I'm just leaving because I've got other things to do.

I've got prom, graduation, and college stuff to get through. On top of that, I'm working on a long story, and even a blog. Uncyclopedia just doesn't interest me anymore.

That being said, I'm telling you this because you and I started the UnSignpost, and I'm sure you'd like to see that continue. I'll probably never stay away from the site forever - I'll still be editing - but I'm not going to be hanging around enough to know what's going on, which is kind of important for an UnSignpost editor. If I were you I'd find someone else to help you write it. I think it works best when it's a collaboration. Just make sure they dislike drama as much as you and are willing to make fun of Uncyclopedia and themselves.

I don't know what the future holds, so I'm not going to say. I'll still be editing. I'll still be reading. I might be back full time in a matter of a few days (after prom), weeks (after graduation), or months (after summer). But for now, I figured you deserved some warning. I'll miss ya, Cajek ol' pal. Try not to get yourself banned without me. :) – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:36 May 25, 2008

*breaks the highly emotional and tense atmosphere* I beat Cajek to saying, bi, ha ha!! Bi, doctor! Now I'll just take a step backwards, consider apologising for interrupting this friend to doctor moment and take a sip of whatever drink happens to be in my hand... Please for the sake of your sanity ignore this comment... - 19:09 25 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Uh, thanks YTTE (weirdo)! Oh man, well, I'm sure that right now it seems to you like your time is filled, but you'll see yourself having lots more time this summer, I'm sure. Anyway, I don't know what to do, so I guess I'll ask people to submit stories or something... Right now, I'm sick, and I'm gonna take it easy... Come back soon, dude.   Le Cejak • <22:12, 25 May 2008>

Bye Dr.S. Congrats on WotM! I'd be happy to help with UnSignpost, if not in a permanent position. :D Bye. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 11:45, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Aw spit. Well, good luck with the long story, and the college stuff, and give us a wave when you drop in from time to time. Place just ain't the same without you man. Still, it wasn't the same without Cajek for a while either, and he came back eventually, so I hold out hope we'll see more from you some time. And now...

"'Goodbye', Skullthumper said, and was surprised to find a lump in his throat. 'It's such an unpleasant word, isn't it?' Quite so. UU grinned because, as has so often been remarked, he didn't have much option. But possibly he meant it, this time. I prefer au revoir, he said. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:47, May 26

And the Lord said "let there be sound." And henceforth, RAHB was born.

Alright, now I'm taking on this project act by act. Therefore there will be three audio files when it's all said and done. This is for two reasons:

A) Altogether one file would probably be too big for the server to allow.
B) Doing the whole play all at once is enough to make me go insane.

That being said, I've finished act one. I have no fucking clue if this is how you wanted it to come out, so I'll let you decide for yourself. Let me know how it is and whether I should keep going in that vein or scrap it and start over. Click Here. -RAHB 00:11, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Oh man, that was kickass! The only thing I would change: and I mean the only thing, because this (including the music and the guy announcing the play's start and finish and so forth) was far, far better than I could do, is make Dark Vader's voice a few octaves higher, and to make him speak his lines a bit faster. He is meant to be a good guy, after all. What do you think? Is it possible?   Le Cejak • <0:24, 26 May 2008>

Entirely possible. Give me just a few minutes to tweak it. -RAHB 00:26, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Alright try that. All I did was pitch shift him actually, so I could just re-record his lines more cheerily if necessary. -RAHB 00:41, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

<sheepish> could you read his lines overly cheerfully, Rob? Because I think that would make your recording all the more hilarious! </sheepish>   Le Cejak • <0:46, 26 May 2008>

I will. This was merely an attempt to satisfy the lazy in me by trying to get by on the least work necessary. But yeah, I'm not satisfied with that outcome. One cheerful Vader, coming up! -RAHB 00:48, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Dayum! that's REALLY good for "the least work necessary"! ...jesus! But anyway, yes, I could kiss you if I wasn't a heterosexual! WHICH I AM!   Le Cejak • <0:50, 26 May 2008>

Well I didn't mean the whole audio was the least work necessary (though I may have slacked off marginally on it). I just meant pitch shifting his voice up only took me a second for the second version. Anyways, I think I've got it now, give it a shot. -RAHB 01:09, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Might wanna clear your cache, by the way. At least I had to to hear the new version. -RAHB 01:12, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Yes! That's exactly it! Remember to have Palipitan (or whatever I named him) to be happy and jolly, ...and, and Obi-wan is a witch, so remember to be high and squeeley and stuff! Uh, uh, I'm so excited about this!   Le Cejak • <1:15, 26 May 2008>

As well you should be my boy. I'll get started on Act Two tonight, and it'll probably be up a bit later. I'll try to knock out Act Three tomorrow so I don't go into the school week with it incomplete. -RAHB 01:26, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Awesome! Thank you, Rahb, great audio! See ya tomorrow, man.   Le Cejak • <1:27, 26 May 2008>

You're funny...

...ANDY you sold your soul to the CMC. SO...can you do me a cowy favour? I'm copying this UNSOC recruiting template for the CMC (here). Thing is I need a message to go here which is along the lines of the UNSOC thing, but less, well um communist and more cowy. It's got to be a funny, persuasive, amusing, clever and witty message which is very aware of its sexuality. Then I thought...well Cajek's style of random humour probably would fit this join or die gently persuasive template. What do you think? Do you have time to do it? - 17:22 26 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

...ANDY you're awesome. Thanks Cajek! 'Preciate it. - 17:50 26 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Guess Who's Back. Back Again.

RAHB is back. Tell a friend. -RAHB 01:56, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Hello? -RAHB 02:50, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Yes! Very good! You know, I've been thinking... /me waits for response... oh forget it! Could you have a three or four second pause any time a character "looks inquisitively at the audience"?   Le Cejak • <2:59, 27 May 2008>

I certainly could. It should only take a couple minutes to do em both like that. And I'm off! /runs away making whoosing sounds! -RAHB 03:00, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Ha! Thank you mysterious audio man!   Le Cejak • <3:01, 27 May 2008>

Alright here's act one done like that (may need to clear your cache). Before I do act two, let me know how you think it sounds that way. Personally I don't think the humor of it seems to translate all that well to the purely audio version, but it's up to you. -RAHB 03:17, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Also, sorry it wasn't the "few minutes" I promised. I was feeding this cute little feral cat outside my garage. IT'S SO CUTE!!!! -RAHB 03:18, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

You're right, it doesn't translate well. I guess if there's no way to convey it (maybe a twang sound?) then you might as well revert it. Sorry for the extra work, RAHB, AND TELL YOUR CUTE NEW CAT HI!!!   Le Cejak • <3:21, 27 May 2008>

I'm gonna try the TWANG! That sounds like a good idea, and I happen to have a sound effect for it. -RAHB 03:24, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

For the record, I loved the audios, and I felt like they augmented the humor nicely. - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 03:24, May 27

WELL NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION LED!!!! GEEZ!!!!.......But in all seriousness, thank you. Anyways, Cajek, the spring effects I have sounded terrible, so I think I'm just gonna revert for now. I'll experiment with it when I'm doing the final act, I'm sure I can come up with something. -RAHB 03:29, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

JESUS LED! WARN US BEFORE YOU THANK SOMEONE NEXT TIME!!!! Anyway, yeah, act 2 sounds good for now. If there was some stupid sound effect you could do, yeah, experiment in act 3. I'm all ears!   Le Cejak • <3:31, 27 May 2008>

Will do. Hopefully I can get it up tomorrow (I'm gonna start on it tonight, but I doubt I'll finish). Of course knowing me, that means it will be up no sooner than next Thursday. But seriously though, it'll be done tomorrow. -RAHB 03:34, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Heh, RAHB's gonna try to "get it up". - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 03:44, May 27

heh, heh heh, "get it up". heh. dude. heh. dude, heh.   Le Cejak • <3:46, 27 May 2008>

I just tried doing an audio as Beavis and Butthead to respond to that with. For some reason my voice powers have been temporarily tampered with though. GOD DAMMIT! -RAHB 03:52, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

That woulda been pretty funny! ...and RAHBish.   Le Cejak • <4:03, 27 May 2008>

Are you a Beavis, or a Butthead? Take our quiz to find out! - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 04:09, May 27

I'll try it again tomorrow. (along with the other audio bits, as I keep saying I'm going to do things tomorrow) Also, "Hah....haaaah haaah haaa...my name is Butt-head....my head is a giant human butt! Haaah...." </Space Ghost> -RAHB 04:18, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Rahb! In act 2, could you make sound effects in the battle scene? Like when Dark Vader is dancing in the beginning, that was really cool. Maybe people grunting and swords clanging?   Le Cejak • <4:05, 27 May 2008>

You mean the part where Obi-Wan gets stabbed? Yeah, totally. I've got some writing I wanna do tonight though, so I'll go ahead and add that tomorrow when I'm working on Act 3. But yeah, you're right, that would rock to have some fight sounds. (/me get out the pots and pans) -RAHB 04:15, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Thank you so much for all the work, RAHB! Have I told you that I and my adopter love you?   Le Cejak • <4:18, 27 May 2008>

Many times, but it doesn't hurt to hear it several more times. (puts on "evil emperor" face) I SAID I WANT THIS STATUE TO BE A SPARKLING TRIBUTE! HOW CAN IT SPARKLE IF IT'S MADE OF FUCKING CONCRETE!? You guys are the worst worshipers ever. -RAHB 04:20, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Rewrites? Signature? Pee Review Template?

I hadn't dropped by to bug you in a few days (this wedding shit is getting hectic, less than 20 days now) so I thought I'd pop in and slather this place with my noobiness. When I do a rewrite, do I create a subpage with the same title and just move it when I am done? I wasn't sure if I'd need to just start on the current page. YTTE has offered to help me with my signature but I am certain I won't be able to figure it out. You just can't teach an old dog new tricks. Is there any place I can just steal one for my own? Same question for the pee review template. I am still undecided as to what I will do next. Edit my current work to make it more tidy or rewrite something that is in far greater need of help. I am leaning toward rewriting What Would Jesus Do?.--Cheapinitreal 04:14, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Hey Cheap! Long time no see! As far as wwjd, just go ahead and edit it, as there is a template at the top that says it needs a rewrite. I'll whip up a "cheap" little signature for you here: User:Cheapinitreal/sig. When I'm done, I'll just lead you through the necessary little wingdings to make it your official sig. I'll check out your articles very soon (cuz I actually have some down time now). Sound good?   Le Cejak • <4:22, 27 May 2008>

Well, I will probably scribble ideas in my notebook tonight and hopefully have a new WWJD article up in the next few days. I've been kicking around ideas with a few friends and think I have a good direction to take it in. After that, I am going to edit my Julien Dubuque piece. OEJ gave me a lengthy and very helpful review. Those are the next two heads on the chopping block. I am amazed. I might actually win NotM. I was drafting a my concession speech just a week ago. I had to go down on so many people to get support that now I have a belly ache. I wouldn't change a thing. I really owe it to RAHB who nominated me and was the first person to take any interest in what I was doing and you for taking me under your glorious wing. Again, thanks--Cheapinitreal 04:34, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Did you see your new signature, Cheap? As for NotM, do not count your chickens before they hatch! Thank you for your very kind words, you're turning into a very good contributor, wedding and all! BTW, which articles are you asking me to look at?   Le Cejak • <4:37, 27 May 2008>

I really don't need you to take a look at anything right now. I just wanted to drop by and let you know where I was at and why you hadn't heard from me. As soon as I am done with my 2 current projects they will be whored to you immediately. As far as NotM goes, I am not counting on anything. I did say "might actually win". If I don't it is no big deal. Hyperbole's HowTo:Throw a Fireball article did crack me up quite a bit and it has been a blast unsuspectingly dropping by to introduce myself to strangers as well as helping out my fellow noobs. I see the new sig. Now how do I use it?--Cheapinitreal 05:03, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Go to Special:Preferences, and in the signature box, put in Be sure to check the raw signature box!   Le Cejak • <5:09, 27 May 2008>

SHIT! NO! this: {{SUBST:nosubst|User:Cheapinitreal/sig}} {{subst:#time:G:i, d M Y}}

Done and many thanks. I'll check back in when I actually get time to do some writing. Like I said, I hope to get both things done over the next few days but that could always change--- Cheapinitreal (talk) 5:21, 27 May 2008 05:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

One more thing: when using the date format thing, sign with just 3 tildes - otherwise it puts the timestamp after your date bit, giving you a double date. I shall now demonstrate by waving cheerily to Cajek, doffing my cap in your direction, and signing with three tildes myself. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:06, May 27

Yes I'll sign with the three tildes myself, but not before stripping naked and running backwards and forwards a few times. - 08:10 27 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Some advice?

User:MrN9000/G3 I'm not sure if I should make this an Un-News or try to turn it into full article. As you can see, it's still very early days either way, I'm just throwing a few ideas around. What do you think? Full article or un-news? I have never done an un-news before, so I'm not too sure. :-) MrN 14:30, May 27

Looks like an unnews to me. Be sure to quote people using ''"blah blah blah"''. I give it a 35/50 or so. Fairly good stuff, but it needs some work, obviously.   Le Cejak • <14:40, 27 May 2008>

Surely you should use the {{cquote}} tag? - YTTE^(talk) 14:51 27 May

I've never seen that used in unnews except for very large quotes.   Le Cejak • <14:52, 27 May 2008>

I tend to use it for anything more than a sentence long... /me changes sig Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise 14:55 27 May

Did you get that unnews that I nommed featured, Yettie? Anyway, {{cquote}} is ugly and intrusive unless it holds a lot of text inside it.   Le Cejak • <15:01, 27 May 2008>

Yes I got it featured, silly! You missed it?! YOU MISSED IT?! /me runs off in tears Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise 15:07 27 May

No! I TOTALLY REMEMBER! I remember saying to myself "How the hell did this get featured with 48 for votes?"   Le Cejak • <15:11, 27 May 2008>

*sniff* 48 votes? YOU DID MISS IT, DIDN'T YOU?! Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise 15:14 27 May

just kidding yettie: i knew it got featured, i didn't know when.   Le Cejak • <15:20, 27 May 2008>

SURE you're just kidding..It's like that time on my first archive when you tried to pass off balloon animals as a handstand...BALLOON ANIMALS! /me tearfully remembers the incident Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise 15:23 27 May

Wow, thanks for the advice. Yea, it's really early stages, needs lots more work. MrN 15:54, May 27

My trouble with it being an Un-News was that it's not actually about something which is in the news right now, more in the news recently... I guess if I put a few links in to various stories about it over the last few months that will work OK... MrN 16:06, May 27

WHORE WHORE WHORE cos you kinda suggested the other day that I could. :-) I went with cquote in the end, but I'm still not really happy with it. Feel free to "de-pants" teh Un-News if you fancy it. Like I said, I have not created one of these before, so I'm not too sure if I did it correctly. Did I? Is there anything else I need to do? MrN 23:27, May 27

template

Rejoice, Cajek! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award

For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

---

YAY! I finally get to improve on an article after it's review! (puts improvement hat on) I have a lot of hats like that for the different jobs I do. I even have a wanking hat. Wanna see? -RAHB 22:33, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE YOUR USERNAME?

Is it "Cay-jeck"? Is it "Cah-jek"? Is it "Snuffy McGrann and the Woozly Pnoosh"? --THE 23:31, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

I pronounce it "Cay-jeck", how do you?   Le Cejak • <23:50, 27 May 2008>

I say "Kay-jeck," too. How do you guys say "THE?" - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 00:44, May 28

"tuh-heh"   Le Cejak • <0:46, 28 May 2008>

Funny, I've always said it like "THAR-MOSE." - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 00:51, May 28

It's actually pronounced "Thaddius." And yes Cajek, I have been saying "cay-jeck" in my head, but I had to find out if I was saying it right. --THE 00:54, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Pardon me, sah, but how would one pronounce thy username, Mister Balloon, sah? Also, if I were to use the word "penis" in a sentence, would you join me in a jolly? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 01:49 May 28

My name is typically pronounced "geoffery-leebowicz-bjorn-all-sum," but you can just call me "The Led Balloon." Also, lolpenis. - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 02:44, May 28

I've been pronouncing it Ka-jek, and, given that I call a spade a bloody shovel, shall continue to do so. Fie upon you for your transatlantic pronunciation, sirrah! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:19, May 28

It is ka-jek! Silly american people...muh blah. - [08:28 28 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

You are all mistaken! It is obviously - קא-ג'ק! ~ 08:30, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Battle Effects, you say?!

Pish Posh! -RAHB 00:56, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

hahaha! Rahb, awesome! This article is going to be the most kickass of all the articles at the ball! Now all we have to do is record the video and we're done! ...and the audio for act three!   Le Cejak • <1:14, 28 May 2008>

I would so actually record a video for this. But I really don't want to right now, so maybe in the future. In other news, Act Three is coming along nicely. I'll give you the heads up when it's done. -RAHB 01:21, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

I give you, the thrilling conclusion! -RAHB 03:06, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

The saga is complete! You rock RAHB, have I told you that? :D   Le Cejak • <4:40, 28 May 2008>

You've tried, but no mortal can express in words how awesome I am. -RAHB 04:44, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

I could, but I choose not to. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:31, May 28

/mumbles Boomer

Hello Cajek, This was going to be a thanks for making Orian57 attending template but then some bum said no and i didn't get the title so basically i'd still like to thank you for the support. and maybe next time. or when RotM comes round. This may not have been the best picture to use as the man in it stole kidneys for a living. That was Boomers reasoning not my grammer.

Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog| 10:38, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

That pic is disturbing...

Yeah I'll write something good for unsignpost when I have time... except I have schoolwork and somewhat of writers blank, not lack of ideas but just inability to put them to words right now. Sorry. Also you seem on track for WotY at this rate, the mind boggles like that crappy game... wait that's Trouble... or porno, yeeeeaaah porno. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 15:46, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

I give you permission to edit the unsignpost whenever you want, DJ. Go ahead and just jot something down! Preferably in the week boxes! Also: PORN! I LOVE YOU, PRoN!   Le Cejak • <15:48, 28 May 2008>

Somehow I am unable to log in

Hello, it's Cheap. After I changed my sig somehow I got logged out and now my password won't work. How am I going to be able to correct my problem. HHHHEEEEEELLLLLP!--12.218.206.199 18:51, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

This sucks. I was in the middle of responding to all my messages and this happens. I have no clue what I possibly did. And I can't get my password emailed to me because I didn't list as address. Again this is you loving son Cheap trying to find his way back home--12.218.206.199 19:10, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

I am BACK. And all on my own. Man I need to cut back on the substance abuse I think or pick far less complicated passwords to remember.Sorry to waste part your page freaking out. I was lonely--- Cheapinitreal (talk) 19:22, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Cajek ends up having to archive his talk page about seven times a day anyways, I'm sure he doesn't mind. -RAHB 19:49, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Remember to put in an email address this time! • Spang • ☃ • talk • 19:57, 28 May 2008

BTW, Thank you for the VFH nom. You of all people know the phases that article has gone through. I should have something new for you to look at by tomorrow evening and ready for its first comb-over. That is unless I need to go back to doing wedding stuff tonight.--- Cheapinitreal (talk) 22:08, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

You did great, buddy! Keep it up!   Le Cejak • <22:13, 28 May 2008>

How can I help my friend

I think my dear friend Ray Bob McCobb would benefit from adoption but he will put forth really no effort in seeking it. He has currently written 3 unnews articles (all of which were hilarious/ 1 was kind o an in-joke though). I noticed THE is seeking children and has a strong back-round in the unnews field. Would it be wrong/or in bad taste to proposition THE on behalf on Ray Bob McCobb? I believe I am the only person to have spoken to Ray on this site and we talk about goofy shit all day IRL anyway. The boy has a talent and I don't want to see it wasted. I know he'd like to take a greater interest in the site, so what can I do?--- Cheapinitreal (talk) 00:16, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Definitely ask THE if he would adopt! I would like to focus on just one adoptee for the moment! THE would be really cool with it, unless he's busy.   Le Cejak • <0:20, 29 May 2008>

So it is not underhanded to essentially whore Ray out without his knowledge because I think he could do very well? That was really what i wanted to know. And I wouldn't want to share you anyway, that thought never crossed my mind (points his sword toward the other envious noobs and cracks his whip back). The guy is brilliant though. I am just way more motivated.--- Cheapinitreal (talk) 00:31, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

You'd better ask THE first, I'm not the one you should be talking to: I'm a pusher, not a user.   Le Cejak • <0:44, 29 May 2008>

What exactly are you saying

About my arse? I just checked (my arse that is) and as I thought there is no way it's big enough to store your pee list. I know you have one! Grr. I saw it once (Pee List that is) You have more subpages than... Well, you have a lot of subpages. Just hand over the dam Pee list you bugger! MrN 01:10, May 29

Try special:whatlinkshere/User:Cajek/P   Le Cejak • <1:11, 29 May 2008>

Cool, that's what I saw. I was not your arse after all. Should I put a link to that on the peeing page? MrN 01:16, May 29

Sounds good!   Le Cejak • <1:20, 29 May 2008>

UnSignpost: May 29nd, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

May 29th, 2008 • Issue 5

Uncyclopedia Second Most Active Wikia Site According to local Wikia staffmember Sannse, Uncyclopedia is the second most active site, next to Halopedia. "Yep. People are more interested in Halos than Uncys. I've never really bothered to look at either site, so I'm not sure why one is more active than another, but I'm sure it's because Halopedia is superior." Reporters on-site have looked into the rumors. Apparently, Halopedia is in fact not about halos, but instead is an entire wiki... devoted to a video game. "Oh lord, this is embarrassing," said Master Chief, the main character of said video games. "I thought I could keep this under wraps for a while longer, but you people in the press are like fucking vultures. WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!" Apparently Halopedia's nearest competitor, Uncyclopedia, is some kind of "humor wiki" meant to induce laughter. "Uncyclopedia's laughter is nothing compared with ours," said Evilpedia's founder, User:Dr. Doom, "Our laughter will ring all throughout Wikia, and then: THE WORLD!". Other statistics include the nerdiest wiki and Furwiki, the most disturbing wiki. Uncyclopedia is neither the largest wiki (Wookiepedia), nor the most active (Halopedia), but it does come very close to first in both categories. Who wants to be first place anyway? Nobody wants to win all the time! Like Unsignpost's father used to say: "You learn more from losing than winning!" and really, that's all that matters! ...AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! BASTAAAARRRDDSSS!!! Following Fourth Issue, UnSignpost Does Lame Clip Show After having not seen his boss for a few days, Cajek, or as his friends call him, "Cuntjek", and his team of writers have been forced to rely on past issues and a clip show in article form. "Don't look at us that way!" said that one guy we were talking about. "A few days ago, when Skull was around, I was only editor of the fetish section, now I'm in charge of the whole thing. Jeez, I hope Skull is okay..." The lame clip show was said to be almost entirely from the first issue, when the Unsignpost was "cool", and before the fetish section took over the whole paper. According to reports to this newsroom, the clip show article included the "weekbox of the week" from issue 1 that instructed Cajek and Skull to slather humor juice on an anonymous reader, and the "Goatse Challenging Gap" from issue 2. "Oh shit, what else we got?" Carjack screamed across the newsroom. As of this issue, the huge portrait of Dr. Skullthumper has been prayed to for nigh two weeks since his mysterious disappearance. Fnoodle, who usually serves coffee to the writers (albeit very angrily), has gone on a quest to find his former master. So far, no word of Skullthumper's whereabouts have reached the press. Serious: Dr. Skullthumper is a good friend, and I see him as an outgoing, clever guy, and I'm sure he will succeed in whatever he chooses to do while he's gone. -Cajek Letters to the Editor I am writing this letter in confidence believing that if it is the wish of God for you to help me and my family, God almighty will bless and reward you abundantly. My family and I are true Christian's and worship's God truthfully. I got your contact through Internet during my research on some one who could help us. I am a female student from University of Nigeria, Lagos. I am suitable yrs old. I'd like any person who can be caring, loving and home oriented. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction. Well, my father died earlier two months ago and left my mother I and my junior brother behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him before his death. I was a Princess to him and I and my brother are the only people who can take Care of his wealth now because my mother is not literate enough to know all my father's wealth behind. He left up to USD $27,350,000.00 dollars (TWENTY SEVEN MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND US DOLLAR) with a security company, and I don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my present because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town. That is why I felt happy when I saw your contact which I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will help me secure and invest this money. I thereby need your help in bringing the box contaning the money out from the security company, based on your reply I will furnish you with more details on how we can proceed. I am ready to pay 10% of the total amount to you if you help us in securing this money and another 10% interest of Annual Income to you, for handling this business for us, which you will strongly have absolute control over. If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund, kindly reach me and I will let you know the next step to take towards actualizing this transaction as quickly as possible. Please, note that this transaction is 110% risk free. I look forward hearing from you soonest. Yours sincerest, Miss Lady Princess Irreverent Dear Princess, We at the Unsignpost are interested in your offer, but have no money. Could you please send us some? You could be in on an offer to make up to $27,237,84661 monies! Your Sincerestly, The Unsignpost.

Check out these pages! A Horrible Vision of the Future A Horrible Vision of a Puppet-Based Future Chinese Oscar Wilde and the Crappy Translation Somewhat Controversial Uncyclopedia:Wikipedia From our logs: 15:46, May 24, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Lil selina (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Hahahaha, it's funny 'cause now there's no content on those pages!!!!) 23:58, May 25, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HA) 08:38, May 27, 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.36.41.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (love men FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK F) Biopic of the Week <insert name here> ~ Yes, we at UnSignpost have decided to do a biopic on YOU. YOU came to Uncyclopedia two weeks ago with little more than a dream and 45 bucks (or 30 pounds, if you're not American). YOU are what makes Uncyclopedia The Place To Be according to Home and Garden magazine. Without YOU, we wouldn't have that amazing article on stoats you wrote in 15 minutes. God bless you, {{USERNAME}}! UU's obscure British Dialect expression of the week: Bishy Barnabee. One for the coccinellidae fans amongst you - it's the loveable Ladybug! While the rest of the UK distances themselves from America by calling it a Ladybird, in Norfolk, they distance themselves from reality with this rather quaint expression. Slip it into conversation and impress your friends with your new-found linguistic diversity! (Why is it called that? Fuck knows, they're mad in Norfolk, quite, quite mad!) Unsignpost Founder of the Week: ...Uh, that one guy... you remember, right? He had a "doctor" theme going on? He left for a while recently? Well, anyway, he's busy with college stuff for now, and won't be back for a month or so. As soon as we find out his name, we'll get back to you. Animal of the Week: Stoat ~ Mentioned 12 times in this issue of Unsignpost, and at least one time in the Biopic of the fifth edition of the Unsignpost, the stoat was one of the largest carnivorous dinosaurs on Earth. Weighing in at 5 grams, the stoat has made its impression on human evolution, not only by eating humans but in other, far more disturbing ways. Template of the Week: The bad lyric generator ~ Your mouth is open but I don't want to hear you say good night. You're sort of young but you're over aged, I don't care 'cause I like your style. Don't know about your brain but you look alright - Rainbow Last Minute Box of the Week: First of all, let me just say that we at the Unsignpost didn't plan this box very well. Oh sure, it has nice wikicodes on it that make it colorful, but really it's just smoke and mirrors. Not to discredit our tireless staff! They work round the clock to ensure... oh who am I kidding! They're such fucking MOOCHERS. GET OFF MY COUCH, YOU RETARDS! And now for a week box more to YOUR liking: Pole Dancer of the Week: Sparkle ~ Working as a pole dancer five nights a week at The Wink and Tickle down the street, Unsignpost's senior medical correspondent enjoys suing because of a "hostile work environment" and "tickling". Soon to be promoted to senior editor, this little number is distracting EVERYONE in the newsroom!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:55, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Randomized Huggie time!

Daddy told me to come over and tell you he's an idiot. He's also a trusty fool, when giving me a message to deliver, since I have no bloomin' clue whether or not he's an idiot or a complete ass that should be shot. It's up to you to decide what to do with the info, though, since I've got no bloody clue of what's passed between you two and I'm actually not really interested.

As for the random huggie time...

*Wraps arms around Cajek and nibbles his ear* How's that for a "hug"? -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 00:17, 30 May

Uh, wow, I've never had an uncyc hug before. You people are WEIRD.   Le Cejak • <13:51, 30 May 2008>

Naah, just cuddly. That's why Daddy sent me. To tell you he's an idiot and to give you a hug. He suggested it. I just gave it a tweak. Now, out of curiosity, if you're at least my Uncyc cousin via our family ties weren't you my adoptive granddad, too? *swallows nervously...* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 18:29, 30 May

I was so happy

It made it! Again thanks for all your help thus far. If you get a chance could you look at this really rough draft? it is still in its infancy. I am just kind of wondering what works, what might not be working, things I might be missing.--- Cheapinitreal (talk) 07:52, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Congrats on the feature, Cheap! - [11:16 30 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

You deserved that feature, Cheap! I hope you learned something from this experience about how to write and so forth. Be careful about features, they're addictive!   Le Cejak • <13:51, 30 May 2008>

The Old Country

So I see you've done your thing of suddenly going ballistic and writing another article in a short length of time! Wow. I was keeping an eye on it with a view to that possible collab you mentioned, but you appear to be steaming with it already. I guess I'd like to make a tweak or two here and there, but: a) Not enough to be called a collab; and b) I'm sorta stepping away from Uncyc this weekend to go paintballing for my Mum's 60th birthday, so I won't be looking at it any time soon. So bugger it, I guess I'll just enjoy it as another slice of Cajekery and go vandalise something else you've written when I have time on my hands! Looking quite good at the moment, I have to say. Not sure about the "Why Your Grandparents Are Disappointed In You" section - I mean, it's funny and so forth, but I'm not sure it fits as such - the rest of the article is at least ostensibly about the country itself, and I think the humor (you'll never know how hard it was to type that) comes from implying the reasons for grandparental disappointment in the rest of the article, rather than stating it explicitly here. And I think more could be made of the culture section - particularly about how a country with such a solid diet manages to produce the occasional fabulously graceful and elfin gymnast alongside its more regular exports of weightlifters and hod carriers. But they're just thoughts that occur. So to conclude: have a good weekend, you talented git! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 10:29, May 30

I won't be here much this weekend either, but I'm glad you like it! Okay, once more into the Cajektron it goes.   Le Cejak • <13:51, 30 May 2008>

Can I has look? :? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 11:53, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

DJ, it's up on Pee Review, so take a look   Le Cejak • <14:12, 31 May 2008>

I'd also like to thank you for all the hard work you put in on the article I started. I can honestly say I don't feel it was hijacked and is something I would've written if I had more spare time. -Drdisque 17:20, 14 June 2008 (UTC)

Is you is?

Or is you ain't my baby? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 15:04 May 31

Put it back up for revoo on Mon, SysRq. I'll be able to do it then. I'M ON VACATION, YOU WHIPPERSNAPPERS! Aw, who am I kidding?   Le Cejak • <16:21, 31 May 2008>

Me. You always kid me. I'm a kid...the goat kind, that is. - [16:04 1 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Mr. Cajek, are you home?

Well? Are ya? -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:16, 31 May

Yep I am, OptyC, but I can't review articles right now or update User:Cajek/Pee if that's what you're calling about.   Le Cejak • <17:17, 31 May 2008>

Well, I was just calling about Mr SysRQ's article and the pee review thingy there. And to try and sell you some life insurance. But I can see you're a busy man. I'll just leave these brochures on the table here... -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:21, 31 May

You'd think that would've edit conflicted me...

What with SysRq voting in the middle and whatnot. Weird. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 1/06 15:09

NEEDS MOAR COOKEEMONSTA

My userpage --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 08:00, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Go tell all your friends

Yes, I know what you're thinking "Cajek has friends?!?". Anyway, Cajek you need to run along and tell all your friends. Because Uncyc doesn't have enough awards and because UnProvise is cool and because SissyRq wanted it... I'm just telling you so we boost the, er, known-ed-ness of the award. And remember, don't do drugs and stuff... - [15:38 2 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

This is out of CONTROL! Aren't you doing CMC at the same time? Seriously, this is going a little too fast: we don't even have any featured unprovises, yet! And frankly, I don't think it'll ever happen...   Le Cejak • <15:41, 02 Jun 2008>

Out of control is fun though! I like taking things too fast... And besides I wanted to create the award now. It probably won't start getting seriously looked at/used/abused for a while, but at least it's there. And yes I'm coping with the CMC, too...and exams. I'm Superwomanman! Also I'm just about to sort of test-nom your Historical Drama for VFH. It almost certainly won't get it, I just want to see the reaction...Any thoughts before I carry out this rash action? - [15:44 2 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Hmmm... I'm not going to consider it my article, so there's that. Also, you have to really format it to look like an article, with pictures and everything.   Le Cejak • <15:46, 02 Jun 2008>

I know, actually I meant to ask you about that. For the length I think two pictures (or so) should do. I thought maybe one picture of a big house surrounded by a garden...maybe. Any thoughts about the pictures, oh wise Cajek-one? P.S. You added my kids to the family tree, thanks! :-) - [15:49 2 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Still up for a review?

All yours, kiddo. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 15:42 Jun 2

Thanks!

Thanks again, buddy! ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 17:42 Jun 2

Better go vote for that, actually. - [18:01 2 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Yeah, maybe you should. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 18:35 Jun 2

I am still alive

Just thought I'd pop in and let you know I am still alive. The wedding is now 10 days away so I've been busy with the that sort of crap. I have been doing some editing and reshaping of my current stuff though just don't have time to start something fresh. I just keep adding ideas to my user page. It had been a bit since I wrote anything before coming here and it really feels nice to write again. I don't believe I lost my writing voice but damn my pieces are grammatical nightmares (honors high school English was over a fucking decade ago for me and the remaining memories of it burn away daily). I did have to go to a shrink yesterday for my final Social Security Disability evaluation and had him flip here. He laughed his ass off! He will be a regular Unnews reader I'm sure. I may not have time to write right now but still promoting.--- Cheapinitreal (talk) 18:13, 3 June 2008 (UTC)

What a coincidence, my shrink loves my articles too. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 18:24 Jun 3

Yeh my two doctors and the my team (beat that!) of shirnks love Uncyclopedia and my work, too! - [18:35 3 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Uh, my dad laughed at one of Cajek's articles once? --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 20:16, Jun 3

I am a counselor, and I laugh at every single article on Uncyc. I'm thinking of staying in this community, at least until they let me out of this soft-walled prison.   Le Cejak • <20:35, 03 Jun 2008>

...My dad (a Marine) pretty much disowned me after I wrote Veteran. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 20:49 Jun 3

I, uh, hope you're joking about that, SysRq...   Le Cejak • <23:24, 03 Jun 2008>

Actually, I'm not. He was pretty pissed. Why I left the article up is beyond me. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 23:42 Jun 3

I just bypass that. Whenever my parents ask what I'm doing I just cover up the screen and say Wanking off to filthy hardcore gay bestiality porn... definately not that Uncyclopedia thing... I would never look at that Uncyclopedia...

/sarcasm. Actually they are pretty fine as long as I do the homework to. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 15:46, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Late thanks!

Thanks, son! But Uncle Sam didn't thank me! All you bastards can GO TO HELL!! Eh, got any change, son? I sure hope no one writes an incredibly offensive article about me. Wait, where ya goin, son? Thanks for voting for Veteran.

~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 18:44 Jun 3

Y'know, you don't see many VFH thanks templates about these days, do you?

Don't care. I still use 'em. Here's one now:

*pop* Yeah, er, thanks for *pop* your vote for *pop* that... oh lord, her whole dress is made of... *popop* *pop*

And wouldn't you know it, that's two in a row. Must be like buses or something. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:04, Jun 4

you bastards, cluttering up the most important talk page I have...   Le Cejak • <15:34, 04 Jun 2008>

It's people like us that make this one of the 20 most edited pages on Uncyc - above Wikipedia and Russian Reversal. You'd think you'd be grateful or something. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:56, Jun 4

My talk-page seeking missile is gonna buzz you.   Le Cejak • <15:59, 04 Jun 2008>

MrN with some boring stuff

Formal notice from MrN... Due to recent Pooping of pants in UN:Poop by some unknown user, MrN has the following suggestion. If you are not sure about a VFD nom, you can drop it off in my personal list of pants rather than the lounge itself. Basically, I'm trying to discourage the experienced users from using the lounge unless VFD is full. Sorry to be a pain about this, but if I let you do it, everyone else will start doing it also. You can put whatever the hell you like in User:MrN9000/VFD List though... Now why do I get the feeling that The Color Problem and Battle of the Sexes is going to turn up in User:MrN9000/VFD List soon after I type this message... Also, why do you doubt your judgement on making noms on VFD? I would say that you are easily one of the better people at doing it. So long as you check the history and what links here tis all good. :-) MrN 21:12, Jun 4

I got banned by Zombiebaron for using VFD incorrectly yesterday! Also, dishwasher.   Le Cejak • <21:23, 04 Jun 2008>

Yea, I saw... I was wondering if he would. Tis true about the dishwasher! I have two little fridge/dishwasher magnets. It's probably the best idea I have ever had. Seriously. MrN 21:27, Jun 4

Going back to the VFD thing and you getting banned... I think you can get away with a lot in the comments section, but even I normally move anything which is not an actual vote in the Delete / Keep sections down to the comments section. Sorry, I probably should have moved your joke vote. MrN 21:36, Jun 4

Regarding Schrödinger's cat

I did not intend to "take anyone away from Uncyc," as you wrote in the edit summary for your reversion. The links pointed back to the article itself. Specifically, I was trying to prevent the use of the redirect Schrodinger's cat within the article, which requires writing the links-to-self in extlink format for them to actually work. The reason the redirect should not be used is that it ruins the joke on the dead option. --Pentium5dot1 22:35, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

That article always bothered me. There's too many ways to spell "Schrodinger" first of all, and second of all, once you FINALLY find the damn thing, there's "nothing there". Go ahead and fix up whatever I did wrong, and maybe add some redirects, Pentium 5.1   Le Cejak • <23:59, 04 Jun 2008>

Thanks!

I appreciate the Pee Review of Fermented Pizza! Now I just have to figure out how to put it into action. I think I'll have to move the picture down below the recipe, where it will make sense. And maybe retitle it "Microsoft Fermented Pizza" so the fact that it's not completely about pizza is more immediately obvious? I don't know... I'm not liking that title. Well, I'll think of something. Again, thanks! --Hyperbole 02:41, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, the title is a problem. Whatever you decide, it's basically ready for mainspace. I had fun reading it, Hyperbole! You remind me of DJ Irreverent when he started his vfh career!   Le Cejak • <2:43, 05 Jun 2008>

Unrepentant theft

Hey, I just thought I'd let you know I stole your /R template. I'm not really sorry. It's an awesome and exceptionally useful template. Thanks for leaving it lying around unlocked. --Hyperbole 04:47, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

lol, just saw your message on my userpage. Steal the /H template? Oh, no, I have far bigger plans. I'm going to break into your apartment, take lots of photos, and create an exact duplicate for myself. I'm going to find photos of you and make rubber masks based on them and wear one and make my girlfriend wear one. I'm going to steal the hair out of your hairbrush and extract DNA from your foliciles and make a whole bunch of little baby Cajeks. The /H template? Oh, that's just small-time. --Hyperbole 17:25, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

Wizardry

One other thing - you seem like you've got a fair amount of wizardry about you. Could you weigh in on this? Cheers! --Hyperbole 05:59, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: June 5th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

June 5th, 2008 • Issue 6

Sixth Issue Relies on Guest Writers For the sixth issue of Unsignpost, guest writers from outside the fold have been chosen to write a bunch of stupid crap. Among them are the illiterate administrator Zombiebaron and reformed drug mule ThePaleOne. The community's outcries were heard soon afterwards, probably. Jack Phoenix, a respected Wikia staff member, said of one of the articles "Nobody cares about Cajek trolling Wookiepedia anymore. In fact, I'm kind of ashamed of Uncyclopedia for doing something like this. It's like I'm at a well-written version of ED." The Unsignpost staff, full of miscreants and malcontents, hung its collective head in shame and went to the corner for a sit down. Qua, who wanted to be in this issue of Unsignpost to whore his userpage, issued a statement at the press conference located at his Mayan temple: "Why didn't they do an injoke article on the fifth issue? Am I the only one who cares? Where have the lols gone, my friends? Where have the lols gone?" In response, the Unsignpost sent a secret "Fifth Issue Of Unsignpost" article directly to Qua, where it will be housed until his death. The Unsignpost writers, who have had a cut in pay since the leaving of Dr. Skullthumper, are now relying on the work of random people found on IRC for their inspiration. We now present to you an article in the Unsignpost by somebody else about a guy who works at the Unsignpost... /me headdesk [note: "me" refers to the entire Unsignpost staff] Wookiepedia Too Cool For Cajek by ThePaleOne It has been reported on #uncyclopedia that Cajek, our resident editor, has been banned from the "Star Wars Wiki", Wookieepedia. There has been an outrage in the star wars community, as they find Cajek to be a charming and respectable fellow [ed note: Cajek did NOT write this!]. Even us here at the the UnSignPost believe so, ( but don't tell Cajek that! ) [ed note: I SAW THAT! YOU'RE OFF THE CASE!] I spoke to one Cajek fan, Darth Vader, to see what kind of impact this has had on the community. "It really is tragic to see him get banned," said a distraught Vader, with tears dripping from his helmet, "I just don't understand it! How can there be no Cajek?! We've seen his greatest and sometimes his somewhat lameness. But we will be EPIC FAIL without him" Vader's emotionally wrecked state shows the devastation caused by the Wookieepedia senate's unruly vote. I just hope Palpatine wasn't behind this, I voted for him too! I sat down with another fan, Jar Jar Binks, to discuss this radical move. "Mesa think its outrageous! Mesa no like Wookieepedia afta this! This beein worse than <insert name here>'s bombad faggotry!" And indeed it is. Personally, I denounce the Leftist Bias of Wookieepedia and their slander against Cajek. What did he ever do to them right? Personally, I hope Something really bad happens to those immature, pubescent, oxycotin sniffing children. In other news, 52% of Uncyclopedia agrees that Cajek should be set on fire on Sunday's Luau against 45% for drowned in his own discharge. 3% were undecided. Random Mumblings: "Monster" By Zombiebaron Alright. So. This is going to be cool. Because. You see. Therefore. Once upon a time. There was this really big house. Inside the house was a monster. Oh. This is a newspaper. Well, in that case, the monster was operating a grow op. Right. And the monster was named Skullthumper (because this is his fault, really, when you deconstruct it down to the last proton). Yeah!!!! But. Going onwards and upwards. The cops busted the grow op. It was fucking huge, man. THIS IS NEWS. IN THE UNSIGNPOST.

Check out these pages! Unprovise: Content free content anybody can edit on the content free website anybody can edit, now with extra do-whatever-the-hell-you-want. Voatse.cx User:Under user/SparkGallery The Uncyclopedia Genome Project From our logs: 12:50, May 28, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Benhagerty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (KILL EVERY FIRSTBORN SON) 01:36, June 1, 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.156.118.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You're still at the stage where you afflict pain on the girl you secretly like, aren't you?) 06:03, May 31, 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 218.186.12.8 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah BATMAN!) 18:16, May 31, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Don't do that to Zombiebaron!) 19:25, May 31, 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Don't do that to Dr. Skullthumper!) 19:47, May 31, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 9000 seconds ‎ (Don't do that to TKF!) May "Of the Month" Award Winners Dr. Skullthumper ~ WotM ~ Oh! Gee! Right when he wins Writer of the fucking Month (WotfM), he abandons us! Well, *sniff*, good riddens! GO THUMP SOMEONE ELSE'S SKULL, THEN! *sniff* SEE IF I CARE! Cheapinitreal ~ NotM ~ Someone who indulges in Kitty Porn was BOUND to win best new contributor. We at Unsignpost are especially proud of this little noob, someone who will follow recent up-and-comers such as NoTimeToRevert and Beatboxing Jim. Heerenveen ~ UotM ~ Every nerd deserves his/her day in the sun. That day, and that sun, belong to "Hv". You will see him scampering around, voting, deleting, and peeing. Say hi to him once in a while, dammit! Sawblade5 ~ Ugotm ~ Sawblade5 is best described as a person obsessed with Gobshite of the month. Ever since this writer can remember, Sawblade5 (but not his younger brothers, Sawblade3 or 2) has been nominating users for banning or gobshiting. Finally, the gobshite queen has been crowned! Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Spanish Nobody Cares and the Crappy Translation UU's obscure British Dialect expression of the week: "ivver sin a cuddy lowp a yat?" ~ Now we're moving into the realms of supremely useful English. The delightful Cumbrians use this regularly to ask each other "ever seen a donkey jump a gate?" I think you'll agree, there is hardly a conversation that goes by where this expression wouldn't come in handy! MrN9000's VFD vote/nomination of the week: Wet socks ~ Kerkill: Two year-old sockcruft. --Dexter111344

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 05:14, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Hey Cajek!

Qua here. You may know me as YTTE's n00b. Anyways... This is sorta odd... I'm wondering if you'd like to colaborate my under construction creation with me. I figured that since you have the most features, you'd be perfect to colab with this article. So what do you say? --¿Qua? es mi página de discusión, es lo que mi contribuiría 14:25, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Cajek may be teh awesomes but he by far does not have the most features, that title goes to Ljlego with 3423423423050253457587697878786786756754764563453452342342342352454677878978978957855632123986912245256567457675675698689897897897897897807078078874563463456346346346346.5253245345345346356564564574574775867 features --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 08:54, 8 June 2008 (UTC)

*buzz*, you still there? --¿Qua? es mi página de discusión, es lo que mi contribuiría 23:01, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

RAAAWR

RAAAAWR!! GRAAH! Gavin thanks you for voting to publish his memoirs. Just don't let any trannies read it. Thanks for voting.

~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 12:50 Jun 5

Strange Tinker Person

I wish to speak with you in #uncyclopedia -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

C - A - J - E - K!

Cajek's back! Yay! Let's have a party and stuff... Woo! /me runs around in circles, excitedly - [08:15 8 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Just as long as you're not making rude farting noises! ~ 08:38, 8 June 2008 (UTC)

Me, rude farting noises? I have no idea what you're talking about! How dare you accuse me of making rude farting noises! - [09:39 8 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Now that I'm on parole, it's time to get those "illegal drugs" we were talking about! *wink wink* ...oh crap.   Le Cejak • <13:48, 08 Jun 2008>

Awwww

Does this mean I have to work towards RotM again? Blehhh. --~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH)

At least you're back, right? Writing articles and so forth? ?pedia is fine, but Uncyc is where you should hang out.   Le Cejak • <12:14, 10 Jun 2008>

Yeah but... effort. --~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH)

I must get an award. Underappreciation is my kryptonite. --~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH)

aah, two in a few minutes. It's a good feeling. :P --~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH)

Tip: Write an UnScript. Less competition. Plus, it's an award Cajek hasn't won yet, which makes it close on unique! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 12:55, Jun 10

How about the weird awards, like Zombie or Benson of the month?   Le Cejak • <13:29, 10 Jun 2008>

Well I asked someone to take over Fag of the Month when I left, but noone did, did they? Eh? Eh? I also nommed Hindleyite on ZotM, bet that's still there with one vote. --~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH)

Pic

A surprisingly good fit for the deformed leopard

First go. Thoughts, complaints, changes? Or nothing like what you want and I should start again? Tel me tell me tell me! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:46, Jun 10

I'm going to put it in the article, now. Tell me what you think of it in that context, and then, if we don't like it, we can go in a new direction.   Le Cejak • <16:21, 10 Jun 2008>

hello

CAJEK! hey! I knew I knew you! HA. you made the thing about things being further away when you are further away.... I think--|Fonchezzz| Quacking| 20:17, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

Hey Fonchezzz, you're that guy that made... me... a... duck... you're WEIRD!   Le Cejak • <1:48, 11 Jun 2008>

stoppin dramah in its traks

ur doin it rong

however, perpetuating a situation, ur doin it rite – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 03:31 Jun 11, 2008

dood wut? distraxshun rox. (also, who's the one who nominated ZB's article for VFH? Crazy trumps having people vote twice on the same article making everyone doubly mad.)   Le Cejak • <3:32, 11 Jun 2008>

There is one major difference though. I am Dr. Skullthumper. You are Cajek. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 03:35 Jun 11, 2008

And I am Spartacus. And not a part of this conversation. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 03:38, 11 Jun 2008

• Also, reporting on "drama" in the UnSignpost is likely to only make a situation worse. Nothing is drama until you call it drama, but once you call it drama, people stop pulling their punches. So don't. Please. -- The Zombiebaron 03:39, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
  • The UnSignpost is made to combat drama by taking a situation and simplifying it to its most basic form. It is not supposed to take a side, only to show how stupid it is that we're all fighting over it. It's supposed to generate a laugh. This was one of the things I'd planned for when Cajek and I started UnSignpost. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 03:44 Jun 11, 2008
    • You guys can rewrite if it'll reduce drama....  Le Cejak • <3:45, 11 Jun 2008>
    • Perhaps. I am of the view that if people just keep their arguments confined to small spaces (like talkpages) instead of large spaces (like VFD, or the talkpages of 40-odd users) the general community might not get wind of the disagreement before it is concluded, which should result in an overall feeling of happiness. But, you guys seem to know what you're doing, I guess. -- The Zombiebaron 03:53, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
      • Funny, most people leave because of drama. I seem to be "back" (read: more active) because of it. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 03:55 Jun 11, 2008
        • Good point. Maybe if I write more articles, Famine will come back. -- The Zombiebaron 03:57, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

EMERGENCY LIPS

• Um... No one would mind if I wrote a follow-up to EMERGENCY LIPS, would they? Cajek, do you still have the text available? --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 21:28, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
  • A follow up? like how? EMERGENCY LIPS 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO?   Le Cejak • <21:51, 11 Jun 2008>
    • No, something like UnNews:Declining economy stimulated by spare body part market. Or something. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 22:22, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
      • You can use the picture, but not the storyline, because I'm still working on it here User:Cajek/UnNews:EMERGENCY LIPS   Le Cejak • <22:56, 11 Jun 2008>

Owch

Yah. I was in a pretty bad car crash with some mates a few days ago (rear ended) and got a pretty bad concussion so don't expect much of anything from me for a week or so :( --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 06:14, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

Oh DJ, dude, I'm sorry :( Take it easy, okay?   Le Cejak • <7:32, 12 Jun 2008>

Woah. Best wishes for a full and speedy recovery DJ, hope you're OK dude. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:17, Jun 12

Wow, DJ, that's awful. Have you tried putting some ice on it? Walking it off? Not being a pussy? Those things usually work pretty well for me. (No, I kid. I kid because I love. Get better.) --Hyperbole 17:29, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

Haha. Rear ended. Much love, DJI. All jokes aside, that sucks. Then again, who knows? This concussion may make you write some way funnier stuff. Oh wait, you already write funny stuff. Then maybe the concussion will make you wanna go to ?pedia or something. Don't do that. Get to feelin' better, yeah? sirsysrq @ 17:55 Jun 12

UnSignpost: June 12th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

June 12th, 2008 • Issue 7

Cajek banned - New, shittier writer assigned to this stupid job by Qua Recently Cajek, an Uncyclopedia user who has been labelled as a mystical creature, was been given a one month ban by the council of Wikia. Users who feared that UnSignpost would not be written or delivered. But don't worry, Qua (Uncyclopedia's shittiest n00b) and half of YTTE have taken over UnSignpost, well...until Cajek gets unbanned. Qua, who is currently in a state of shock, said that "Cajek was a good guy, I didn't expect him to get banned for a month. He was about to help me, I don't know what he was going to help me with but he was going to help me with something.". Many Uncyclopedians that are known have a hold a grudge against Cajek celebrated his recent ban saying "While he might be back in only a month, we should take the time to celebrate and rejoice a Cajek-free environment." Flumpa "taking toys and going home". by lots of different people It has been reported that Flumpa, Uncyclopedia's very own pimply faced ginger-nut has left Uncyclopedia forever, due to irreconcilable differences. He cites the banning of users, fights between the two, the treatment of IP's as "real people" and the lack of cookies in mommas cookie jar. One of our reporters spoke to Flumpa as he was packing his wagon to leave Uncyclopedia "I like the holding hands and the fairy floss but Sophia has icky wiki germs and I just couldn't get past that. However I hear this new EDwina down the street is available, she may play in mud but I hear she has yummy yummy cookies." 127.0.0.1, leader of the "IPs are Real People, Too" Foundation had said that "Flumpa makes some great points on IP treatment, such as telling them that behind that string of random numbers lies an actual person; A person with heart. A person with brain. A person with spleen." When asked whether he would share his hard earned money on a badge from the Keep-the-IP's-out-of-Bannation-Foundation, this reporter simply told them to bugger off and get their own alcohol addiction gawdammit! We do, however, wish Flumpa the best of luck as he travels across the wiki-street with his trademarked brand of Off-topic forums to meet this EDwina fellow. Internet safety month has begun. By Dr. Skullthumper We at the UnSignpost would like to remind all Uncyclopedian editors that June is Internet safety month. Through the efforts of Uncyclopedia and other sites across the Internet, we can help protect innocent children and frail grandmothers from seeing offensive content PEDOPHILIA Uhm, we're sorry about that. The editor that wrote that previous sentence has been fired, in accordance with the rules of Internet safety month. UnSignpost would like to remind all editors to use extra padding in tables, because we don't want the little kiddies touching the sharp edges and getting hurt. As per Internet safety month, all uploaded porn will be closely monitored to see if the models are engaging in safe fucking. I mean sex. SEX! I meant SEX! We apologize for the previous two editors. They have been shot, out in the hallway, in the most safe method possible, we assure you. We even laid out cushions for them to fall on. Anyway, Websense and other Internet blocking sites will up its sensors to block over 99.99% of the Internet. What will remain is available is the Wikipedia article "Frog", weather.com, and anything unblocked in China. We at UnSignpost wish you a happy Internet safety month, and hope that you stay safe. Remember to always use a firewall. This column has been blocked by Websense. Websense has blocked this column for the following reason: This column contains "humor". Finals approach for student-Uncyclopedians, procrastination triples By TheLedBalloon Aww, kitty! Isn't he cute? Difficult times lie ahead for schoolbound Uncyclopedians. A series of semi-challenging tests lie in the near future for many, and everyone's workload seems to be growing. Unfortunately for Uncyclopedians, finals are nearly here. However, luckily for Uncyclopedia, finals are almost here! This means that, as procrastination rates skyrocket, Uncyclopedia activity grows proportionally. Haven't been studying for your math final? Those fancy words mean that Uncyclopedia usage is going up, just as teachers pull out their hair worrying about keeping their kids' averages above the department bottom line so they can keep their jobs. However, here at UnSignpost and Uncyclopedia, we pride ourselves on allowing for multi-tasking. So, here is a series of brief study guides that are pretty much all you need: Science: For this final, you will be asked questions about science. However, simply remember a few facts, and your science final will be a breeze. These include remembering that ontogeny does not recapitulate phylogeny, pyruvate and phosphofruktokinase function as glycolytic enzymes, and the kidneys are located three ribs up from the malnuric sphincter. Math: Just prove to your teacher that 1=2, and any answer you give is automatically right. English: ENGLISH, MOFO, DO YOU SPEAK IT? History: To pass this, just try to remember a few important dates: 622BC, 394BC, 211BC, 5BC, 11AD, 24AD, 300AD, 906AD, 1102AD, 1619AD, 1791AD, 1963AD, and 2012AD. Tech. Ed.: Basically, you take a saw and cut shit up. Fucking A. Music class: Try not to fail and blow any notes. You'd sure look like a real tool, then, huh. Art: Just explain to your teacher how deep and misunderstood you are, and paint your feelings. Take a few pictures with a black and white camera setting and write a few "dark" poems, and if your teacher knows how often you cry then you'll have an easy A. Foreign language: THIS IS AMERICA, SPEAK AMERICAN! Gym: If you're really planning on studying for this final, then only God can help you now. NONSENSE CATASTOPHE by Cajek An article by Zombiebaron has caused a huge feud between the all-powerful admins that could ban me again. Thekillerfroggy has charged that the "Nonsense Watermelon Catastrophe" was not newsworthy enough, while Zombiebaron charges that the article is newsworthy, and therefore should not be deleted. In the fight, many people have cried "drama" and run for their lives. "Oh, this is deliiiicious!" said resident fucktard Drama. We spoke to Drama in his white linoleum mansion. He stopped seductively petting his gay snow leopard long enough to talk to us. "I loooove drama. I want their drama dripping all over my linoleum castle. I want their orgasmic screams of anger to rattle the walls! What do you think, Puffles?" "Oohh, puurrrrr" said Puffles. Some of the more regular users have claimed that the drama will bring unwanted side effects. RAHB has recently said to one of our reporters: "Remember, when there's drama, Ljlego touches himself." [Ed note: he said that on IRC, I swear. to. god. ban: banbanban.] Zombiebaron, an administrator who just happens to be a spectre of the unwept dead, spoke at his crypt this Tuesday dressed in his ceremonial black and red robes: "Hhhgggrrrr, I do not like speaking to the public: They give me a rash. As far as how random uncyclopedia is, we have two admins who are a balloon and a frog, so my article is perfect. The drama will not be settled until I taste the frog's flesh. Suffffeeeerrrrrr..." The Killer Froggy issued a statement soon after, with his frog army in the background: "ribbit? RIBBIT! ribbit. ribbit ribbit ribbit!" Both administrators have promised to ban the poor, misunderstood writer of this article if their statements were printed, but that's the risk we take to bring you the news. That's just how cool we are. Drama is the real winner here. As of this printing, he is planning to buy his gay snow leopard a fluffy red cape with the profits. And remember: every time there's drama, Ljlego touches himself. I'm not fucking kidding. He's all like, "oh yeah, oh, oh yeah I love you drama" and they're both in the love coven, snugglin' n' shit. I have pictures, guys! I swear it's totally ins AS OF THIS PARAGRAPH, CAJEK HAS BEEN BANNED INDEFINITELY.

Check out these pages! How dare you! Google is the new 42 Join Scientology Or Else! Wikis different from our own PWN'D! From our logs: 09:42, 5 June 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Bringing Uncyclopedia in to disrepute (or even further into? whatever.)) 15:33, 5 June 2008 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (time served already.....reduced sentence) 13:42, 4 June 2008, TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 221.154.246.169 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Sorry, you're too dumb to edit this wiki. You can come back when you grow a brain.) 12:35, 4 June 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 47 seconds ‎ (ZOMG LINKIN' SHOCK BANBANBANBANBAN) 03:55, June 10, 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 122.2.113.102 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (TAGLOG MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK TAGLOG?!) 20:07, June 10, 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Are you ban hunting or something?) 05:56, June 11, 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.0.83.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You fail at funny. Read HTBFANJS. Slowly. Then copy it out 100 times in longhand and maybe, *maybe* I'll let you edit here again.)) Biopic of the Week 127.0.0.1 ~ Quite possibly the greatest IP that has ever lived. He is literally everywhere at once. He is in your computer, destroying it bit by bit. He is in your living room, eating your Flamin' Hot Cheetos. He is in your bedroom possibly getting laid. He is in every room you could possibly think of. All Hail 127.0.0.1!!! Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Japanese Euroipods and the Crappy Translation UU's obscure British Dialect expression of the week: "Can-in-the-pan" ~ Showcasing the unerring ability of the British to come up with expressions that bear no connection whatsoever to the item or act they're describing, this is used by the Cornish to refer to a somersault. A small template glorious prize is on offer to the person who comes up with the best suggestion as to why. Answers on a postcard to UU's talk page. Page Quote of the Week: Oswald's guilt was assured when he was witnessed running the 397 yards from the Book Depository Building and began teabagging the President Warren Commission Best New Article of the Week: That Guy Standing Behind You with the Freakin' Huge Chainsaw, no words can sum up how incredibly good this article is. It tells this story about a guy who wasn't cared for who started chopping things up with a chainsaw. Sure some critics are skeptical but we at the UnSignpost think this is the best new article yet. Well until it gets deleted of course. Article of the week: That one written by Cajek all the way at the bottom was pretty damn good. I love articles that have references to sex in 'em. I don't have much to do in this trailer, and when I see a reference to sex it's like my pants fly. off. It's okay, the cats don't understand what's going on. Well, the dogs and the chimp may understand but they're not complainin'. Nope, reading Uncyclopedia articles gets me too hot to care about social constraints.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 17:05, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

Greetings and salutations!

Why, good day to you, sah! I was just dropping by to sample your daughter's figure, and I thought I would present you with a riddle to distract you while I do so. Here I go: "What would you have if you had twelve and twenty halves of ten rather fancy dogs?" sirsysrq @ 17:39 Jun 12

Find the latest UnSignpost

Put this in it under the links. Label it PWN'D or something similar. If you are successful, your payment will be delivered to you via speed donkey sometime in the next decade. Over and out. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 00:49 Jun 13, 2008

Oh and this under "FAIL". Oh, and I should probably figure out where the hell you hide the UnSignpost these days. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:11 Jun 13, 2008

You are such a dick

Which is why I love you. We should indefinably op you this month. That way you can't get banned anymore! :-). It's 3 votes each. EVEN if you are CAJEK! MrN 01:14, Jun 13

Yeah, we both have no chance! I honestly think you would be a great admin. I, on the other hand, am a "sweaty, unkempt, hairy" "psycho" who "lacks even a single, solitary useful trait." I love being crazy!! :D   Le Cejak • <1:28, 13 Jun 2008>

HeHe. I was really surprised that UU dropped out. :-( Looks like another Cajek feature is well on the way... MrN, you might be surprised to learn has actually written something else. It's just a stub though really, and needs some more work. I think I might start using WIP in the mainspace a bit more even when I'm still working on things... MrN 01:34, Jun 13

It's been a long time since I've had a feature. Did you realize me and you have six or seven collabs going on? Why don't you ever finish things? That's why your parents HATE YOU!   Le Cejak • <1:37, 13 Jun 2008>

And I thought they hated me because I kept wandering into the house covered in poop... OK, I'm terminating this conversation I will have another go at that tomorrow. It's past my bedtime. Hang on six or seven??? MrN 01:42, Jun 13

YOU LINKED TO ONE OF YOUR OWN COLLABS??! Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. ...Dude.   Le Cejak • <1:47, 13 Jun 2008>

MrN: You were surprised I dropped out? Hell, the fact that you're in there means I sort consider myself still in the running, in a way - as VFD shows, you'd do the same job I would, but better and more efficient! Cajek: Don't mind me, just passing through, talking to other people on your page. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:03, Jun 13

That has to be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me on Uncyc UU. Not sure how accurate it was, but well... MrN 13:05, Jun 15

hCAJEKeCAJEKaCAJEKdCAJEKlCAJEKiCAJEKnCAJEKe tCAJEKeCAJEKxCAJEKt

Right, firstly, you should consider doing a little archiving, your talk page kills my school computer dead. Secondly, it's been ages since HowTo:Have a Wacky Misadventure, how's about another collab? I understand if you're too busy for li'l ol' me with my not much to do :P ~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH)

Fag, you came back to me! uh, not that I missed you or anything... I'm totally straight, n' shit. Anyway, yeah, collab! You got any ideas, or do you want to check out user:Cajek/ideas?   Le Cejak • <14:02, 13 Jun 2008>

Heh, I read that as "HowTo:Have a Wacky Masturbation". Shit I'm weird. -RAHB 23:08, 13 June 2008 (UTC)

Ah, the lovely hasty refutement of sexuality. Anyway, I had this cool idea for what may be the least remarkable superhero ever made, "Slightly Below Average Man". However, I've only really got a few ideas and I think you and me would be the perfect team for it. Right now it's an UnScript but it could be anything really, perhaps it would be better as a mainspace article about the man himself. What do you say? ~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH)

Where's the original article? Maybe move it to YOUR userspace, and I'll pop in.   Le Cejak • <14:17, 13 Jun 2008>

Kay, but I definitely want to adapt it around any possibilities, not necessarily a story: User:Fag/Slightly Below Average Man ~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH)

Irregularities with your VFS votes

• Please visit VFS and make sure that my vote striking was how you wanted to vote. Please keep in mind that you only have 3 votes. -- The Zombiebaron 02:06, 14 June 2008 (UTC)

Ey! Cajek!

Just here to bug you about the colab. Let's talk about it here, it's "completly" private. --¿Qua? es mi página de discusión, es lo que mi contribuiría 04:57, 14 June 2008 (UTC)

You must be the guy

User:MrN9000/Whorehouse Care to whore anything? MrN 00:04, Jun 15

Well, I can hardly say I'm surprised that you were my first customer! HeHe... Edit the hell out of what I have written, and put some comments on the talk page if you have any ideas, hopefully you can see what I'm trying to do here... MrN 00:16, Jun 15

OMGZ

That kick was a joke >_< – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 05:31 Jun 15, 2008

My headz

Is feeling better... not good enough to think about writing articles yet but good enough for random insanity :D --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:01, 15 June 2008 (UTC)

Talking of random insanity... We cool? --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 20:38, Jun 16

lolwut sirsysrq @ 14:22 Jun 17

The Old Country

Congrats on The Old Country. It's the funniest article I've read in a while. My grandparents were Ukrainian, and quite a few of your lines hit home. Slithy Tove 02:23, 17 June 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, I was definitely thinking Eastern Europe when I wrote that. My ancestors are from Ireland (pretty bad) and Czechoslovakia (really bad), so I had some places to write from.   Le Cejak • <2:31, 17 Jun 2008>

Thanks... Maybe Again

I already said thanks once, but I'm not sure that I saved it (or just did a preview. It didn't come up in my contributions, so I'm guessing here). So, yes, thanks. Glad you liked it. I'm a Noob here, so its nice to know that my articles don't suck complete balls. And if you already got a thanks out of me, you can now, officially, double the thanks. I hope you feel special. - [[The Woodburninator 21:26, 17 June 2008 (UTC)]]

Irish

For your vote in favour of today's FA, please allow me to serve you a modest Irish breakfast:

Cheers. NaturalBornKieler (talk) 20:02, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

You are actually on fire

Apparently... In the last 30 days you have made 1427 non mainspace edits, and 540 in the main space. /me throws a bucket of water over the smouldering Cajek. Also, it would appear to be your 1st birthday soon! Any thoughts for presents? MrN 00:15, Jun 19

First of all, I'd like to say that, because of all the big whigs like Moose and Lego not being as active this summer, Uncyc has entered the age of the newb. We're getting more commanders now than ever before, thanks to my 540 main space edits! Thanks for noticing, N! ...how'd you find out, anyway?   Le Cejak • <0:18, 19 Jun 2008>

I have placed listening devices inside your pants locker. I was going to review Serious for ya, but I just could not figure out what to say about it. It's... Serious! Well, kinda. I did like it though. :) MrN 00:24, Jun 19

Pah, I pay no attention whatsoever to those stats. They lie. LIE, I tell you! Some User? Isra? "Recent Users"? Pah and piffle, says I. These are much betterer stats (because I'm in them - Hymie, I'm on your CASE!) Also, how many edits would Cajek have made if he used the preview button more? ;-) --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:21, Jun 19

Why use the preview button when you can whore yourself on recent changes. :-) Ahh, everyone knows edit count means nothing. It's what you do with your edits that matters. Most of my edits were adding VFD tags...MrN 10:10, Jun 19

NO! MORE LIES! It offers me the only chance I'll ever have to exceed Skullthumper at something! I actually don't give a good fuck about edit counts, I only saw that page linked on VFS the other day - but hey! You're the one who raised the topic, so it must matter to you! ;-) Now, to more important matters, wherever I may find them. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 10:27, Jun 19

I'm sorry if teh translation through the internets gave you the impression that I actually think they mean something UU. They are probably the single most misleading statistic that could be recorded about Uncyc, which is a right pain in the pants as many people actually take them seriously. I sure as hell do not. Although I do have more than you! :P MrN 10:59, Jun 19

Man, how many wink thingies do I need to put in to show I is kidding? ;-) ;-) ;-) I think I'll just stop typing - I seem to be rubbing people up the wrong way today. IRL as well! ;-) There are lies, damn lies, statistics, and my career goalscoring record. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 11:13, Jun 19

If you think THAT'S crazy, at my new blog that DrS made me get, I wrote a psychological thriller in a week.   Le Cejak • <0:41, 19 Jun 2008>

/me wanders past... It's true! Skull made us all get blogs, even me! - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 00:43, Jun 19

Blogs, you say? Sounds dangerously like something to further tax my crippling writer's block. I will be a rebel and not follow the herd... --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:21, Jun 19

/me follows UU. DrS appears to have marked my card anyway. MrN 10:02, Jun 19

Sepia

This is what I mean by Sepia, I was half joking when I said I was imagining your story in sepia, but it was just that you mentioned things were brown alot. I got a picture as it seems that whenever I talk something get's lost in translation. In fact I think we should just talk in pictures from now on, Cajek. Have Fun!MuCal. Orian57Talk!Read!PEE!UnProvise!CMC! 17:24 19 June 2008

OK

I've got this and this. Had to split it up for size reasons. I think they're too quiet right now but try em out. My mic is for some reason picking up air sounds that simply aren't really there. Everything is off and yet it's like something's blowing on the mic. But then that could be my speakers. I dunno. I also can't hear myself mix because my sister insists on blasting some shitty pop around the house, why I don't fucking know. Anyways, tell me if the narration is good, or whether I should just start all over on this. I couldn't find the appropriate music, so it's dry narrative for now, maybe I can play some into it later (after I check to see why my mic thinks I'm in a wind storm). I dunno. It's been a tad stressful day. But be brutally honest with this, I can always record a new one. -RAHB 23:16, 19 June 2008 (UTC)

like I said, your narration made the article really sparkle for me! My own voice isn't as crazy serious as yours, so it's perfect! If you find music, you can add it later, but for now, the article looks good! Thank you so much, Rahb, you're... you're awesome and so forth!   Le Cejak • <23:18, 19 Jun 2008>

Well, I try to be. ;) Glad you liked it. Gonna nom it now too by the way. -RAHB 23:20, 19 June 2008 (UTC)

So I am married now

I've been crying for the past few days. My adopted parent didn't even drop by my talk page to say congrats. Did you forget all about me? RAHB dropped by to say hello and what not. By now I hope you realize I am not at all serious but am most definitely married. The wedding was a blast. One of my groomsman showed up with a Fear and Loathing style page of goodies. The week of my wedding Ray Bob and I had to battle our city's school board on behalf of our former high school. We helped keep the doors open another year. Then we did a bunch of drugs and I married the love of my life. All and all, it was a right fine week. I'll be on sporadically this weekend and back in full swing on Monday. Trying to decide if I should keep polishing or start something new.--- Cheapinitreal (talk) 04:43, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Signpost

So yeah, I've done as much as I'm going to. But as founder, editor-in-chief and tea lady, it's up to you to decide if it goes to press in this state, or if you're going to funny it up first. I leave it in your hands. Hope I helped! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:28, Jun 20

A whole 'nother ushering of thanks is coming your way

Sir Cajek, I want to thank you for not only honoring me with your votes on NotM, and VFH, but, also for personally advertising my other article on the article you voted for. You sir, are a champion. That is all. [[The Woodburninator 20:28, 20 June 2008 (UTC)]]

UnSignpost: June 19th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

June 19whenever-th, 2008 • Issue 8

UnSignpost abandoned by creators! by UU Uncyclopedia's popular newspaper/tacky tabloid rag (delete according to preference) the UnSignpost - already floundering following the loss of founding editor Dr. Skullthumper - has been dealt another, possibly fatal blow, with the news that popular feature-machine and international diplomat Cajek has not been arsed to edit the latest issue. When thursday June 19th dawned without the by-now-traditional UnSignpost dropping onto their talkpages, Unycylopedians everywhere could be heard bravely dealing with the incident by pretending they hadn't noticed. We asked prominent Uncyc contributors for their reactions to the journalistic crisis facing their favourite wiki-based news delivery system. "SCREAM FOR ME BOSTON.... SCREAM FOR ME BOSTON!" said Don Leddy, obviously coping badly with the news. Sensing a possible catastrophe, DJ Irreverent bravely leaped into the breach and created a forum topic that galvanised the community, while UU declared himself too busy to help, then promptly wrote about half of the paper. While still suffering from writer's block, which explains the total lack of lulz and inspiration thus far. It's probably about time to link to nobody cares and close this story now, isn't it? Industrial mogul joins Uncyclopedia, promises great wealth to all. by DJ Irreverent UU Donald Trump, the man, the legend, the Tower, the hairstyle, has taken time out of his busy international schedule to create a forum topic promising affluence beyond the dreams of avarice to all on Uncyclopedia! Despite the impeccable credentials displayed on his userpage, so far only Qua and SysRq managed to take advantage of the popular billionaire's altruism before he was ruthlessly banned by noted anti-capitalist Codeine. UnSignpost was particularly impressed with Codeine's ability to resist the temptation to use "you're fired" as a block reason, as we are sure it would have been all but overwhelming. It is to be hoped that, on his return from bannination, Mr Trump will use his undoubted wealth and business connections to help Uncyc beat the ever-encroaching threat of Wikia's advertising plans. N00b ties knot by UU Popular recent NotM winner Cheapinitreal has further embarrassed the Uncyclopedia community by becoming all respectable and getting married. Confessing to his transgression, Cheap added "all and all, it was a right fine week". The UnSignpost would like to write something really funny here, then wish Cheap all the best, but this issue is being rushed out as it's, like, way late, so we just don't have time. UnSignpost resorts to blatant filler by UU In a move heralded as "an exciting development in journalism" by guest editor UU, the UnSignpost today employed blatant flannel to fill an annoying white gap at the bottom of the page. It is believed that this is the first such instance of using blatant rubbish to fill a newspaper page in journalistic history. "I'm proud to be at the vanguard of such a groundbreaking technique" said UU, before going off to scour Cajek's ideas page in a desperate hunt for inspiration. "Is this long enough yet?" he added, before concluding "not quite, another few words or so should do the trick".

Check out these pages! If people are gonna do it, might as well keep 'em off the streets Tuber tales The Cult of QVFD spreads! Don't think there's enough to vote for? Fag to the rescue! From our logs: 13:12, 17 June 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You will be better appreciated at that cheap whorehouse down the road. Take the third left) 21:59, 17 June 2008 Hinoa (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.38.121.240 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (UN:VAIN: It's what's for [INSERT GENERIC MEAL HERE]) 09:07, 17 June 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 220.128.148.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Budha says: Blanking shall not lead you to enlightment. Write funny articles, my friend, and be happy) 04:59, 16 June 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.107.246.135 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 day ‎ (No no. When was that last time YOU had a really big solid shit?) 01:35, 15 June 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.2.209.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You know, you're probably the dumbest person I've ever seen. That's saying a lot, you know. You should be proud.) 17:57, 13 June 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 84.168.60.159 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Banning Italy, one IP at a time.) Biopic of the Week Zombiebaron ~ Zombiebaron? Zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron. Strong Zombiebaron. Text-based Zombiebaron. Also, Zombiebaron. Finally, Zombiebaron. Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Japanese Bubble Wrap and the Crappy Translation UU's obscure British Dialect expression of the week: "I wanna new wicker wacker" ~ Discerning Uncyclopedians finding themselves in the heart of Liverpool, but worryingly badly dressed, should fret no more - this handy phrase allows them to ask "can I have a new suit please sir?" like a native. It's anyone's guess as to what they'll end up clad in though. MrN UU's delete reason of the week: The_possible_lovechild_of_Mark_Twain_and_Oscar_Wilde ~ Delete - Holy crap, I've actually read this at least twice. I can't understand why it never occured to me to put it on VFD --Kip the Dip

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 01:13, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

UnProvise...

Hey Cajek. I've started what's turned out to be quite a good UnProvise (here), but it just needs a few more contributors. What do you think? Feel like UnProvising a bit? - [10:27 22 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Oh, nice! I don't know what I could add to it, though... I just come up blank as to who I would be right now. If I think of something I'll contribute! For now, I think you've got a good idea of trying to recruit people using that unprovise, though. Ask other unprovisers on the list thing on Orian's mainpage and see what comes up. But yeah, good one there, YTTE!   Le Cejak • <12:37, 22 Jun 2008>

Random

Fie, fie, such flattery you bestow on me. --Knucmo2 21:16, 22 June 2008 (UTC)

:D   Le Cejak • <21:19, 22 Jun 2008>

Random drive-by: just testin' if my new sig is as close to invisible on your talk page as your own is. --UU - natter 10:20, Jun 23

I thought you knew me better than that

To realize that I'm not banning anyone just because I like it or because I'm PMSing. ~ 15:56, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Oh Mordillo, I wasn't arguing against you... I guess I was arguing against the very nature of banning on Uncyc. To ban someone who did nothing because the rules said so. :(   Le Cejak • <20:50, 23 Jun 2008>

That kind of dissension is a perfect reason for an arbitrary ban! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 22:50, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Sadly, I agree. I probably need a few joke/serious bans in quick succession. Quick. Quick, ban. Quick.   Le Cejak • <22:51, 23 Jun 2008>

Those joke bans gave me an erection. I'm sorry, but they did. You should ban someone Template:BLINK seriously for 666 days and give the reason of "???????". They'll forever wonder.  Le Cejak • <23:01, 23 Jun 2008>

What?

Yes, we don't talk much.

...

Hi, I'm Necropaxx! You must be Cajek!

...

RSVP...?

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 00:19, Jun 24

Cajek's not here right now, but I'm his secretary. Leave a message. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 00:25 Jun 24, 2008

Actually, Cajek asked if I needed any help. I could use some assistance... if he knows how to replace the potato at the top-left with another image, and he told me how, that would be great. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 00:27, Jun 24

You're going to need an admin to do that. The list, as you know, is here. However, if you want the list of active people with administrative powers and the knowledge of how to replace the potato, you can find the list here:

1. Spang
2. Dr. Skullthumper – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 00:31 Jun 24, 2008

I hope I helped, Necropaxx. I hope I helped.   Le Cejak • <0:32, 24 Jun 2008>

You're welcome, by the way.   Le Cejak • <0:34, 24 Jun 2008>

Those secretaries are real lifesavers. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 00:36, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

Meeehh

Sorry I haven't been so active. I feel pretty worthless and unmotivated, really. ~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH) 13:37, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

Why, Fag?   Le Cejak • <13:39, 24 Jun 2008>

It's similar to how I felt when I left those few months ago... it was like everything I did was far exceeded by everyone else. It feels like a bad move to have come back to Uncyc because it's just left me even further in the shade. ~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH) 13:43, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

First of all, there's always somebody funnier. Second, there are ways to get ideas for articles, if that's what you're talking about. But really, we got some noobs in here doing good work, writin' articles, and you should try doing that too.   Le Cejak • <13:53, 24 Jun 2008>

Well, when I was a noob I was disqualified for being like 3 hours too old or something silly, lol :P. Whenever I get a good idea, annoyingly, it's gone within ten minutes (It's either an epiphany about a mile away from any kind of pen and paper or something that occurs to be right before I fall asleep). And somebody funnier? Not sure that could be said about you :P Anyway, I guess this can be put down to how I'm too much of a perfectionist. I can't help but need tangible "official" appreciation, really. ~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH) 14:00, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

Just surround yourself with idiots and you'll always feel good... then eat some icecream. You've already done part one by joining uncyc :P --218.215.53.66 14:02, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

Yumm ice cream ~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH) 16:51, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

Yes, good job.

I was getting around to this, and I finally figured out how to create one (in other words, I looked at codes from more talented people then myself... its a learning process).

CONGRATULATIONS! For helping out The Woodburninator with whatever bullcrap he was too stupid to figure out himself, among other things: YOU ARE A CHAMPION Way to go!

Its rare to get one of these. You earned it a while ago. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 15:11, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

gasp it's what I always wanted! Keep the lols coming, Woody!   Le Cejak • <2:21, 25 Jun 2008>

Template stolen from Gerrycheevers! You can't fool me! - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 02:24, Jun 25

Actually, no. I went to one of SysRq's old one's. I just needed to figure out how to make the box, and whatnot. I figured out how to do the type, and pic by myself. Good try though. You are always welcome to come back, and try again. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 12:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

This discussion has been rated NC-17

I just have to say, nice freaking job on your latest feature. I love the satirical humour (AUBS rules!). It makes me happy when something funny reminds us how bad things are.

--Major'GUN' Ggarfield, Le Marquis de Nofu .Complex! 15:41, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Ggarfield? /me rubs eyes. Woah, where you been dude? Good to see you about, however fleetingly! --UU - natter 15:46, Jun 25

I know, blast from the past! You gonna write stuff for us again, Garfield?   Le Cejak • <15:49, 25 Jun 2008>

You know what, I actually would rather you stamping your nofu templates all over the place if that gets you back here. ~ 16:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Drive-By n00b...

Hey... You commented on "me workshop", when it was shite. It's a bit betterer now (or it will be very soon). Could You please also Check out the HowTo: article on prison? I appreciate the Feedback of an experienced editor...
 :: =Hex= TALK: WORKSHOP: CONTRIBUTIONS: 11:34, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Hey... gimme the linky link to your prison article, mayhaps? Also, check out Uncyclopedia:Pee Review. There are lots of people reviewing stuff over there.   Le Cejak • <14:06, 26 Jun 2008>