User:Under user/Old Cajek Country

In The Old Cajek Country, men were insane, women were, by default, insane, and goats were just one among many animals regularly referred to in articles.

The Old Cajek Country is where Cajek's family came from. Its traditional folkways and quaint customs explain a lot about the writing style and personality of one of Uncyclopedia's most respected authors.

Hard Times

Buying Cajek's ADD medication meant his parents could never afford the kind of luxury accommodation they had in The Old Cajek Country.

The Old Cajek Country was ruled by a benevolent dictator, and the only real, digestible articles written there would always contain references to cute, furry animals. They would regularly start out seeming fairly logical, and rapidly degenerate into madness teapot with lots of bold and italicized text and exclamation marks!!!!!

Cajek's grandfather had to write 10 articles barefoot in the snow every morning before he was allowed to eat his healthy, nutritious, furry animal cereal.

Simpler Times

The teacher that would have taught Cajek geography, had it not been an evil sin.

There was no fancy pants geography education in the Old Cajek Country, as it had been outlawed by the church as heretical. This led to Cajek's family growing up unable to understand the humour of, or even recognise the existence of certain other countries.

Cajek's great-great uncle Cejak was a wonderful story teller before he was bitten by a radioactive chattering jackdaw, rendering him incapable of being still or silent for longer than 24 seconds at any given time. Somehow, this abnormality was passed in a somewhat enhanced form to Cajek himself, despite what the laws of genetics tell us should have happened..

Disappointment

According to Cajek's grandparents (and the Grand Grandparents' Council), there were no crappy pee reviews in the Old Cajek Country. Every review was so in-depth it was several times the length of the article under review, and also featured references to cute furry animals.

Tradition

The Book of Tradition was read aloud to the children of the village to frighten them into never writing a dull article.

Traditions in The Old Cajek Country included telling stories, driving dangerously and staging simple theatre productions. The people there were also a friendly bunch, despite their extreme poverty, and would think nothing of having lengthy, off-topic discussions on other people's talk pages. In fact, it was considered something of a faux pas in the Old Cajek Country to remain on the same topic of conversation for longer than 5 sentences. They'd probably have wiped the floor with other countries if going off topic rapidly had been an olympic sport or something.

Culture

A pic of a velociraptor, national animal of the Old Cajek Country

It's around about this point in a Cajek article that things usually start getting weird, if they haven't already. This too is a legacy of the Old Cajek Country, where random jesters would wander the countryside with a bladder on a stick, and were constitutionally obliged to use it to clobber anyone found engaging in lengthy, relevant discourse. The bladder was made from some sort of weird shit that caused random internal eruptions, and the only known cure was lengthy skullthumping sessions.

New and Old

Nope, I've run out. I wanted to replicate every section of Cajek's The Old Country article in this style, but I AM NOT CAJEK! I just can't do it!!1! It's too much for one person to do! I have a theory that Cajek is actually a hive mind made up of 3 mental patients, their doctor, a monkey and a serial fluffy animal fetishist!

I'm trying man, I'm really trying!!! I want to write funny stuff 'n' shit, but it's all getting too...