User talk:4096.256.16.1

Mafia Business

This Page is For Mafia Talk, For All Members to talk with Digits. It's still In Progress...
Please, don't make-a me hurt you! If Your not Mafia, Move Along to Here

You Gotta Be  Mafia to Be Here! 

Time To Organise Crime!

I'll keep it short, the Don is a busy man...

The Club could do with some more fixin'... And I'm willin to lend a hand with your renovations. I'll even clean out the gutters next Tuesday. So, here are a few ideas:

• Perhaps you could use a <choose> command for Poker, eh? Couple that with some {{#expr:}} [1] , and you could have a proper WikiGame happening. Perhaps a bit too grand, but worth investigating...
• The Shooting Range- What's the deal with it? I mean, what the plan...
• Good Work with the club and hookers ;-)
• Perhaps a game of snooker, however, I have no idea how to make it, as wiki tables are akin to beating your head against a wall. repeatedly.
• Perhaps' we can introduce a Mafia ChopShop, which is a basic Request Feature for members and associates, Because the Mafia should be part of the Community!
  

Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex

Nice to see you, Digits, always good to have someone thinking around the family. I'm not sure if you noticed but after a bit of pressure I've sort of made the Mafia a part of the CMC...but it's still kinda independent. Anyway - as for poker...remember the choose function comes up differently each time you renew the page and things and is not the same for all users. It could work, users would just have to be deadly un-cheating. And then there's the whole dealing cards thing, again this could work if a user was selected as dealer and then he declared the cards that he had seen as the dealt cards. Gambling could just work by talking... So yeah, it could work but the users would have to really trusted. Alternatively each user could have a page for their cards where a choose template is subst'd in, giving them two definite cards. Other users would just have to promise to not go on these pages. However, I feel it wouldn't get used enough and would quickly get left alone.

The shooting range is just going to be a simple roleplay thing with guns! Everyone shooting at each other and stuff... But I'm open to any other ideas you may have for it.

Feel free to chat away in the club, by the way! Just have fun. Also feel free to correct any mistakes you may see around the Mafia buildings. If you do, though, let me know and we'll what we can do in the way of promotions, 'eh?

Snooker, now we're getting really complicated. Wiki tables...er...that's really complicated.

A Mafia ChopShop? Requesting what exactly? Images...articles...help? Good to see you putting work in, I like that! - [08:32 31 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

That's right, this mobster is looking out for The Family. Here's what I was a-meaning

• Poker: All the other WikiGames are Single Player, And at current, Poker is just "state what cards you have", and eventually every Mafioso's gonna have 4 aces. It's just not gonna work, because the Don's got 5 Aces anyway... A simple version that tells you if you've won against the dealer or not, based on which two cards you get from <choose> . I've put some thought into it, and the only trouble is getting more cards. You're the senior uncyclopedian, I trust you can work something out...
• ChopShop: You're on the money there, boss, get Mafia members to do stuff for you, in return for expanding the Mafia (or something like that). I envision three separate forms, displayed on a single page. In a rather comical parody of corporate procedure, they are In, Out and Take Out. The first two are self explanatory (Requests and completed jobs). Take out can either be a comical <choose> from a list of either sysops/admins or All Users or a selected few. Otherwise, The enemies of the Family such as that troublesome Disk Jockey, can be listed.
• Shooting Range: Maybe a bit more then a simple role-play, so as to really entice new members. Not too sure about how to do it... More on that later I guess.
• Fixes: The Don doesn't make mistakes, he leaves opportunities for astute henchmen to spot and rectify, so they can gain advancement. I fixed your Enrol page, as you deliberately had RUSSIAN WING for both headings. It's fixed now, so don't worry. If I spot any more opportunities, I'll deal with them.
• Also, This is a bit too public for Mafia discussion... I suggest moving to a more private location... Perhaps another subpage in your UserSpace, for specific Mafia discussion (this would be in the Club, but it's a bit lengthy) Also, (when world domination is at hand, or simply when users are on), we could use our own IRC channel.
• SnowMobile I'm not questioning the Don, but wouldn't something a bit shorter be better, such as snowey or icepick. Just a random thought really, Snowmobile just has too many syllabulls.

-- Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex

Damn, that's a lot of thought! Okay, well I'm gonna reply here and then move the lot over to the club, m'kay? Maybe leaving your original message here. Actually new idea, I'll leave the moving to the club as a little task for you! Lazy me, actually I'm just trying to help you get a promotion.

Poker: I think I see what you're saying. Why not try and create this (don't worry about the fancy mafia formatting that we have at the moment) on a subpage of yours. Try and create as much as you can, and then I'll come help you out on whatever needs to be done.

ChopShop: So you mean Mafioso could leave-a tasks to be done in an "in" tray and when other Mafioso complete them they could be moved to the "Out" tray - or crossed off on the "In" tray and added to the "Out" tray. I like it, it could work especially well for noobs who spot mistakes on Uncyclopedia but don't know how to fix them. This could be whored a bit in the forum first, see what people think of it. No doubt we'll get quite a "not needed" reaction - but as long as there is no serious objection we can go ahead with this.

Shooting Range: I originally designed this just to kinda improve noob's socialising skills on Uncyc. The bar is for slightly more serious, mafia related discussion (serious...uncyclopedia...ha ha). But if you have an idea, let me know.

Snowmobile How about Bigfoot...or something else relating to that yettie bigfoot thing? Also, there would be a fair bit of changing...my sig for one and then all the various places on the Mafia pages where I've used that. But sure, it's not a great nickname. Also nicknames should be assigned by others, not yourself...such is the Family code.

Oh and... Fixes: You're quite right of course. Promotion. - [10:48 31 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

That redirect won't work I'm afraid. I was expecting you to move the talk to the bar, but this place will do fine. I just need a sofa to lounge on. Also that image you're using in the red Mafioso template. The background needs a tiny bit of tweaking to match the coloUr. - [11:37 31 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I think I've Fixed it... check now... Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex

Yup that's good. Are you gonna have a go at that poker idea of yours. Also we should think about the Ins 'n' Outs idea you suggested...I like it. Also that white was far too annoying, I had to select everything to read, that requires the pressing of TWO (2!) buttons! TWO! The outrage... - [11:44 31 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Whatever the Don wants, the Don gets...

Poker is currently under development, I'll need your help with the <choose> command though. ::Can the source of the display be in a separate Page? or does it all have to be included in the one? Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex

It could be a template that includes another page, yes. - [11:56 31 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Check out User:4096.256.16.1/poker/deck For a quick view of the two possibilites. CharMap is better In My Opinion. I made a functional version in Microsoft Excel, as proof of concept. I'm not sure if WikiCoding can emulate it to such a degree. Perhaps I will just map out the 1500+ possible hands in a nice big choose command... Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex

Sheesh! Rather you than meee! Could we not ask a bot to do it for us?? - [08:38 2 August] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Do you have a boit that could do it? Cos I can't program a bot... I can ctrl+c, ctrl+v from Excel though... -- =Hex= TALK: WORKSHOP: CONTRIBUTIONS: 08:56, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

Oh sure, copy 'n' paste it, if that would work...and then fit the choose and option tags around it. - [09:07 2 August] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Mafia Mafia! Mafia!

Hello, Digits! How are you? Anyway, I've come here to offer you something/ask you a favour. As head of the Russian branch of the family, I wandered if you wanted to create the Russian bar? Just copy 'n' paste the code from the All Members bar and add your own Russian-accented text. Up to it? Don't worry if you can't. Also, do you want to change your name to Dmitrii? Yours Sincerely, Don Mr. Antonio "Snowmobile" Yettie

Hey, who's-a gonna create the Italian Bar? There should be Authentic Italian Old-Style Pizza and martinis and other drinks and food. Босс Mr. Lazar "Meth" Jasper The time is 04:07, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Frankly My dear, I don't give a damn (about the Italian Wing). Mind you, I have some plans for the Russian Bar, seeming as there's a couple of good images I can use for err... regulars. Also, a weapons rack, like, a fashionable one, something befitting such an organisation. I'll Make it in my UserSpace, as per usual, and once it's done, you can give it the go ahead... Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex

Good, good. And DotJasper if you want an Italian bar you'll have to contact Mr. Burek as he is the most senior member of the Italian branch. If you don't think he's very active then come and drop me a message on my talkpage. Okay? - [07:46 8 August] Sir FSt Don Yettie

It's a long story why I'm allowed to post here but when you're the son of Cajek and a WotM you can to! also You're Winner! --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 03:40, 24 August 2008 (UTC)

1st in Shiteput, 2008 Unlympics.

Capo Bastone?

What do you say to being given the special new rank I've created, of "Capo Bastone"? Essentially the Capo Bastone will have ultimate control over the entire Mafia and have the right to question the Don. You can accept new ideas, promote people, make acquisitions from a local bank or charity and place them in your Mafioso account...Essentially you'd be another Don. You'll have a deputy Capo Bastone Delegato who will have the following duties: accepting new users to the Family, adding them to the member list, encouraging goodly Mafia deeds, and thanking people who work for the family. Also they may recommend people for promotions (either to the you) or to me. They'd also be there to just chat with Mafioso, and help them out. If you accept this position, you'd have to find a trusted Mafioso to replace you as head of the Russian branch (possibly offering one of the Italians a transfer for a high rank). If you don't want to take this gleaming opportunity, that's fine! - [08:58 3 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I've been trying to get a hold of you over this one, but locked databases, system crashes and everything else under the sun seems to stop me from editing Uncyc when I need to. I'd be honoured to have such a position, and as for the Russian Wing, I think Orian has that position as well, so there should be no problem transferring roles within the family. I will continue my work as best I can... -- Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex 12:21, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Orian, however, isn't really an active Mafioso, and I'd prefer someone active-like to be head of the Russian Wing. Also, if he accepts, RT should be your deputy. I think, maybe tomorrow or on Friday evening I'll sort this out and send round a message to all Mafioso. Don't go boasting about it! - [12:33 3 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

If there's one thing a mafioso should be good at, it's keeping quite... I'm a big fan of Tenenbaum, and I think we'll get on like a house on fire (speaking of which, I've gotta burn some vanity over in QVFD). So hopefully, we'll be able to get this whole operation well and truly off the ground, so-to-speak. -- Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex 06:43, 4 September 2008 (UTC)

Unfortunately, he's declined as he's just started school and is thus to busy. Who else would you want to work with? I was thinking you could extend the offer to Meth (using a similar paragraph to thing to what a I left on Regret's page)? Meth's very active and has been helping out, so he seems a good choice. Your input? - [15:41 4 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I haven't officially declined per se, it's just that I don't know how much time I'll be able to spend around here with school and all... -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 23:50, 4 September 2008 (UTC)

Meth, formerly DotNot... Changed his name after an incident with some chronies from Del Castro's set? Yea, I know him... He seems like he's-a well suited to the position... And considering the time zone differences, between us, we can keep a near constant vigil on the place. No suckers are-a gonna be able to breathe without someone knowing about it. Also, I've been considerin' the eh, Admin issue, and was kinda thinkin' of inviting one of the more user-group tolerant ones into a sorta "de-facto" relationship with The Family. Failing that, we could equip ourselves with a fancy QVFD template so the Good Works of the Mafia stand out.-- Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex 06:32, 5 September 2008 (UTC)

I think this is all very good! Mafia QVFD sounds great. Heck we could theme all sorts of templates into a mafia template... We could go over board with mafia WIPs and ICUs and all sorts of stuff! A Mafia Template Cabinet? Also I like the admin de-facto idea, why not try it? Also, RT: I'm afraid to say that I need an acceptance asap. However, if you continue being a really active useful Mafioso then a promotion to head of the Italian branch isn't far off. Also, Hex, I suggest that you could set up an unofficial official mafia office page for you and Meth to office around and for people to report things to Meth. Also, could someone extend the offer to the druggie, as the Don is being a bonafied lazy idiot. - [15:46 5 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Alright, I'm in. Sorry for wasting so much time. Also, templates are right up my alley, so yay! -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 23:39, 5 September 2008 (UTC)

I left a package on Meth's userpage. I'll be happy to work with either, but RT seems to have finally decided, so we'll go with him 'cos he's active-ish.-- Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex 00:23, 6 September 2008 (UTC)

Someone's going to have to explain to Meth... Also we need you too to set up a nice office and everything, I'll change the member list and then personally deliver a note to each Mafioso. - [08:48 6 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

So... I have to undo all that shit. Damn. Ah well. Sire Methamphetamine SMOKE METH! 17:22, 6 September 2008 (UTC)

An office ay? I think It'll be much like the help desk, just a plain and simple affair. I'll get a basic one done here. I'd appreciate it if you gave me a hand, even just a proofread would be great. Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex 11:09, 6 September 2008 (UTC)

I was thinking more of a bar style place. A talkpage for you and Meth to discuss things (and for me to drop in an comment) and a place for mafioso and the like to suggest ideas. So like to talk boxes, mafia-page-style? - [17:38 6 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Please note....

...that I am a genius of epic proportions. - [17:36 23 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Mafia

So I feel we need to keep the goo' ol' Family rolling. How's you golf thingie coming along? Have you seen all of the latest awards RT's been making for sale? Do you think we're ready to put some of them up for sale, maybe some in the Golf shop, and maybe some in a back street somewhere. And what about my brothel idea? Oh and how is your blackjack thingie coming along?? Are we going to add that to official Mafioso pages? Also...how art thou? - [07:24 5 October] Sir FSt Don Yettie

The Mafia is making it's presence felt, and yes... I've been keeping tight-lipped, but that's not to say I ain't lookin' around. I love what Regret's done with the awards, and they can definitely go in the Pro-Shop. Some golf ones would be good... innuendo and puns are a good place to start. With The brothel... I'm going to have give it a tentative "no" for now... the idea is good... but just another excuse for another template seems slightly thin. I'll give it some thought. With Blackjack, there is one line of code I need to put in, then make a template for the template to generate into the template to display in the final template. (Yes, that does make sense). And also, I've been well... Nothing stops the world from turning, and I'm busy as all hell... but I'm still hangin' around.

Hey....

...you still there, Digits? Remember this? - [17:46 18 May 2009] PlebYettie

Still alive?

Hey, Hex, you still alive? The family needs you. - [02:35 6 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

Dear Valued Mafia Member,

Dear Valued Mafioso,

I am very sorry to be encroaching on your talkpage. Please feel free to move this message without incurring the wrath of the mob. You are, whether you remember or not, a member of the Uncyclopedia Mafia. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, the Family has been inactive recently. However, members of the Family believe that now is the time for our little business to burst back into the spotlight.

Mafia 2.0 promises:

• MORE violence
• MORE whores
• MORE gambling
• MORE guns
• MORE pointless awards
• MORE positions to be filled
• MORE of an actual purpose

The Mafia Pledge:

The Uncyclopedia mafia hereby declares its intention to be a family business dedicated to welcoming, socialising with and being friendly to new users, in an attempt to integrate them into the Uncyclopedia community, offering help to any Uncyclopedia user who wants assistance and looking to promote merriment within the Uncyclopedia community.

As a current member we are proposing that you should help the Family, once more, by becoming an active member. We humbly present you with the following options:

1. Simply reply here, saying you are willing to continue being a member of the Mafia.
2. Sign the code {{u|<insert name here>}} here to opt out of the Mafia.
3. If you do not reply within ten (10) days you will deemed inactive and stripped of your current full Mafia membership.
4. Reply here saying you are willing to continue as part of the Mafia and then request one of the several senior roles within the Mafia that need filling at my office.

As of 21:46 7 August 2010 the following roles within the Mafia require filling. If you would like one of the positions please request it at the above mentioned office.

• Personal Secretary to the Don (with special privileges)
• Capo Bastone (deputy to the Don)
• Chariman of the Italian branch of the family
• Capo Bastone Delegato (deputy to the Capo Bastone)

Yours Sincerely,
Don Mr. Antonio "Snowmobile" Yettie
[18:29 7 August 2010]