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Colin Rat Kaepernick is an American professional political activist, clown, police officer, and occasional football player. He played six seasons for the San Francisco 49ers in the National Football League (NFL). As a political activist, Kaepernick stopped standing during the national anthem (a song about the American flag and military) at the start of NFL games in protest of systemic disrespect for police officers in American culture. He also did this to draw more attention to himself in the wake of losing his starting job and being benched for Blaine Gabbert.
Kaepernick played college football for the Reno Wolf Sack, where he was twice named the WAC Most Offensive Person of the Year. After leaving Reno, he was selected by the 49ers in the second round of the 2011 NFL Draft. Kaepernick began his professional football career as a backup quarterback to Alex Smith and became the 49ers' starter in the middle of the 2012 season after Smith did what he does best. Kaepernick then went on to promote himself as much as possible, milking his stardom for all it was worth. (Full article...)
Featured today, a long long time ago
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Idday ouyay owknay...
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- ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
- ...that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
- ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
- ...that you actually didn't know?
- ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
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In the news
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May 9: Unusual Bears Day (Arctic)
- 1628 - Edict passes in Switzerland requiring all lawyers to deliver evidence by yodeling. (Pictured)
- 1671 - Pope Clement X is captured by the Queen's Guard while on a visit to England, being mistaken for that guy who stole the crown jewels in a pope costume.
- 1861 - At the age of seven, Oscar Wilde begins his first job, working as a Witticist's Apprentice in a local Humor Emporium.
- 1919 - Radical suffragettes burn down factory that makes posters comparing suffragettes to smelly dish rags, constabulary cries, "A step too far, ladies!"
- 1934 - Anteaters formally name themselves the Aardvark, seeking the lucrative first spot in taxonomy classifications.
- 1945 - The Americans celebrate single handedly defeating all of Nazi Germany, no thanks rest of the world.
- 1991 - Small and Medium file a complaint with the U.N. against Large, who claims, "Size does matter".
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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