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The Lockheed Martin Nuclear Attack Force and Creators of All Things Aerial and Destructive Corporation, often shortened to read Lockheed Martin Corporation, sometimes Lunkhead Moron Corporation, or even just Lockheed Martin, is an American ~~offense~~ defense company with the singular goal of designing weapons that can ~~more~~ easily turn a person into a fine red mist for the low cost of $5,000,000 per shot. Lockheed Martin is considered the holy grail of job opportunities for anyone interested in engineering, math, ~~ethics~~, or just the opportunity to obliterate things. They are most well known for their consumer products including the F-22 Raper, the Orion-class spaceships, the C-130 Hunkules, and most notably "Project Pat" missiles. (Full article...)

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... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)

... that AMC's hit series Breaking Bad Wind (Pictured) featured the actors' real farts?

... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
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... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?

... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)

... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?
... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
... that I am inside your walls?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
... that this sentence is incomple

... that Big Bird was the guest of honor on a special Thanksgiving episode of Sesame Street? (Pictured)

... that nobody asked?
... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass?
... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?

... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... that Godot isn't coming?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?

... that hand transplant patients (Pictured) celebrate by masturbating?

... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that Uranus is a gas giant?
... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?
... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?

... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)

... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
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... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
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April 6: Arson Wednesday (New Zealand) 612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now." 1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be father. 1593 - John Greenwood, English Congregationalist, hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!" 1935 - AT&T formed. Its first disgruntled customer is created moments later. 1955 - Hell freezes over, Devil forced to skate to work. 1974 - ABBA wins Eurovision, marking the beginning of the Mamma Mia Invasion. 1985 - Video games are first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency. 1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically. 1999 - Chinese Democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the U.S. Government denies reports of its existence. Iewvay omorrowtay – Oremay anniversariesay...

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Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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