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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

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... that grave robbing accounts for 1/3 of the average Romanian yearly income? (Pictured)

... that Canadian baseball (Pictured) is a thing?

... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!

... that AMC's hit series Breaking Bad Wind (Pictured) featured the actors' real farts?

... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?

... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!
... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?

... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured)

... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?

... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina?

... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that I think you know what's happening today?
... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?

... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)

... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?
... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?

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In the news
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP UnNewsay – Adioray Eefray Unchlay
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April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria. 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater. 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards. 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier. 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths. 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people. Iewvay omorrowtay – Oremay anniversariesay...

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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