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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.

Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)

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... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured)

... that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now? (Pictured)

... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that I am Batman?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!

... that the bird is the word? (Pictured)

... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?

... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting?

... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?

... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured)

... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?

... that Canadian baseball (Pictured) is a thing?

... that I am Batman?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?
... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?

... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel?

... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk?
... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?

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March 24: International Do-It-Yourself Day 1857 - Oscar Wilde pens his story The Soul of Man under Socialism while under something else. 1943 - Jackson Pollock unveils his long-awaited third exhibition, featuring the classic Angsty Orange Tiger. 1964 - The ping pong incident occurs at my high school, and will torment me for over forty years until my son avenges me. 1991 - The first child is admitted to the hospital for Phonics addiction in the beginning of a nation-wide pandemic, resulting in thousands of kids becoming 'hooked'. 1994 - Kitty porn makes its first appearance on the primitive internet. 2007 - The first human trials of Neuroipods suffer drawbacks when a vast majority of test subjects contract iEllepsy. 2010 - Sarah Palin kicks off the first annual Alaskan Sasquatch Appreciation Day. Iewvay omorrowtay – Oremay anniversariesay...

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Artist's depiction of the 2011 Fukushima Daichii Nuclear Power Plant Disaster. What it really looked like off the coast of Japan.

The Great Wave Off Fukushima. color woodcut. 1823, 1930, 2011-12. Part of The Thirty-six Glows From Plant Daichii series by 250 year old Ukiyo-e (and recently loli) artist Katsushika Hokusai.

The Great Wave of Fukushima is part of a groundbreaking new series of remastered prints that comprise the (evidently immortal) artist's comment on both the tragedy of the recent disaster at Fukushima and what he (not exactly a traditionalist himself in his younger days) believes "is representative of the cultural degradation, excess, and perverse fantasy of Japanese today - as well as some floating sushi."
Image credit: MeepStarLives
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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