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For every 10 production workers a company has, there needs to be at least one employee who stands there with his arms folded and watches them. However, in modern times, it's not uncommon to have a single yet highly devoted control freak to supervise scores of employees. HowTo: Be A Production Manager is the perfect guide for anyone who finds themselves thrown into this lucrative position through nepotism, extortion or influential friends.

A Production Manager essentially acts as the liaison between the office staff and the dregs of society known as production workers. The unpleasant part of the job is that sales and management are able to use you as the focal point of their rage, due to the inherent responsibilities of the position, and the traditional purpose of the Production Manager is to transfer that abuse to the bottom of the employee food chain. When you play your cards right, everyone will be fighting amongst themselves and the winds of blame shall never touch your sails. (Full article...)

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  • ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
  • ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
  • ... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail?
  • ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
  • ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
  • ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
  • ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
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  • ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
  • ... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
  • ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
  • ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
  • ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
  • ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
  • ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
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  • ... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)
  • ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
  • ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
  • ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
  • …that it’s offensive to call them “black pencils” and we should call them “pencils of colour isntead”?
  • ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
  • ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
  • ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
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  • ... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (Pictured)
  • ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
  • ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
  • ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
  • ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
  • ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
  • ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
  • ... that you actually didn't know?
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  • ... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)
  • ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
  • ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
  • ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
  • ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
  • ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
  • ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
  • ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
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  • ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
  • ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
  • ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
  • ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?

In the news

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He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Filesr/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad ArnoldNFL season • Winter OlympicsSome kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny titleJames Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert DuvallKurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse JacksonYouTubeTom NoonanEric DaneMelania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy and snow handling capability • WeedDick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' MaduroIran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to rememberMexico

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Justice for Han

February 23: Vin Diesel Saying the Word "Family" Day

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Donald Tusk
An affront to science, nature and human decency itself. A true monster the world has ever known. The unholy, amalgamated horrors of Donald Trump stitched together with the Kevin Smith film Tusk.

Image credit: Supergeeky1
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You only have 5 (five!) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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