User talk:Funnybony/archive9
BS[edit source]
Happy 2012[edit source]
How is the new year going so far FB? All the best. --
RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 12:00, December 31, 2011 (UTC)
Hey you![edit source]
Happy New Year, the bestest New Year and Year you've ever had, that iz my wishes to you. Good to see you walking the halls of uncyclopedia, I think I just saw you go into the tofu lounge. And are you going to get involved in the "Walk into a bar" collab? Aleister 11:47 31-12-'11 but 2012 to you!
UnSignpost - January 5th, 2012[edit source]
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
January 5th, 2012 • Issue 152 • Stop, drop and roll!
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'Tis the season to be voting
 It's that time of year once again; the time when Uncyclopedians link arms and stride into the glorious light of a new dawn of a new year. It is also when we hold our annual brown-nosing competitions otherwise known as the yearly awards. Now you and all your friends can vote on Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year as well as WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to go and vote on all the userspace awards. We were able to speak to Romartus as he prepared to start all his voting: "I don't know whose dreams to crush first!" he squealed at our correspondent like a child on Christmas morning; assuming that child was also frothing at the mouth and twitching. Thekillerfroggy got the awards off to splendid start on Sunday, by nominating Zombiebaron for both Potatochopper of the year and Uncyclopedian of the year and doubtless picking out a wedding dress for the day he finally plucks up the courage to propose to him. The homicidal amphibian also nominated Black flamingo11 for Writer of the Year and was incredibly sickening in doing that as well. Commenting on this in an off-the-record interview TKF said "It's January, the one month out of the year where we suck each other off for a while." If only we could have spent Christmas at his house. Alas we must now stop reporting on the substance of the nominations and votes as the vomit in the office is beginning to reach knee level.  The scores are far more interesting to report on since the usual practice of seeing who can concede to their valiant opponents in the most heart-warming fashion isn't quite under-way as nobody thinks they are far enough in the lead to risk it. Writer of the Year is being lead by Sog1970 who would doubtless be thrilled by the news were he aware of it, as it is he hasn't edited in ten days and was probably killed seven days ago in a horrendous tram accident. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Zombiebaron, TKF's husband to be. Naturally he had a comment to make and it was to say "Zombiebaron" to all his loyal supporters. Over on Potatochopper of the Year Lyrithya appears to be trouncing the competition already much to the delight of Aleister, we assume, we never understand what he's saying and our interpreter is out of the office until the end of the month. The only person this news will upset is Lyrithya herself who professes to find awards "Upsetting and distracting." This is apparently not compensated for by the unbridled joy of crushing one's opponents and asserting your superiority over your fellow man. The excitement! Who will win? Hold onto your hats folks there's another 26 days of thrilling voting to get through before we find out! From the desk of the Cabal: Resistance unnecessary in 2012
 Another year vanishes into the swirling mists of yesterday and it is once again time for the non-existent Cabal to address you, the filthy under-people. As always the Cabal wishes you a happy new year and is more than happy to execute ten filthy under-people for every filthy under-person who refuses to have a happy new year. It did not escape our attention that once again you have failed us. Last year we recommended complete compliance and abiding at every possible opportunity, yet in 2011 we saw two VFS votes, four new administrators and two new bureaucrats. It seems we must remind you that a secretive cabal isn't much use if everybody on Uncyclopedia is included within it. We also witnessed deletions of important pages in the name of "seeing how things work", namespaces, admin experiments and a skin change. You continued to persecute the weak amongst you and generally behave like the loathsome, occasionally funny[1], group of monkeys we know you to be. Your single saving grace is that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 closed a week before the end of the year, however the page is soiled with bacon, ponies and the unregulated prattling of Roman Dog Bird in no less than 30 of the reflections. Such foolishness does not amuse the cabal. Now our all-seeing eyes must turn to 2012. This year it is recommended that users unquestioningly accept any changes that may or may not be made to the wiki, editing should not be undertaken without obtaining a certificate of normalcy from your divisional sub-prefect, remain indoors, do not attempt to breach the walls. The good ship Uncyclopedia must sail onwards and without all of the filthy galley-slaves we cannot arrive at the distant shores of... well that need not concern you. That is all voters, you may now continue to maintain the complex.
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Greetings[edit source]
I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. ~ 
18:57, 6 January 2012
UnSignpost - 12 January 2012[edit source]
You'd be crazy not to listen!
January 12th, 2012 • Issue 153 • You may fire when ready.
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TAW!
 TAW! TAW! That's the sound the Article Whisperer would make if it was a bird! It isn't, of course, but you understand. This is the news that The Article Whisperer closed for judging on Monday. In MadMax's unending quest to prove himself more efficient than anyone who has ever run the PLS, the competition has already named the victor in the category Best Most Wanted Article, and the winner of the best article that you want the most to be the best was Lyrithya, who took the opportunity to disturb us all with an article on Twilight. In case you're worried you'll catch the gay from reading it, the crux of the matter, according to Lyrithya, is that things are hard, and having a boyfriend is impotent (it's like important but spelled differently). Speaking after posting the competition wrap-up 12 days before the competition wraps up, MadMax denied claims that he was jumping the gun somewhat, calling such suggestions "Preposterous pointless poppycock". Pleasing alliteration aside, preposterous pointless poppycock is very much the remit of the UnSignpost. The competition is accepting judgements from competition judges until the 16th; it remains to be seen how MadMax handles the usual competition finishing problems: everyone, including several people who didn't participate, tying for first place in one of the categories and one of the judges suddenly vanishing two hours before the deadline. Never forget that Aleister cannot be trusted.  A quick update on the yearly awards: Zombiebaron is still triumphantly leading the pack on Uncyclopedian of the Year, Lyrithya still hates awards and Shabidoo thinks the best way to get round this is to ignore everything she says. Satanic messages abound over on Writer of the Year, as all three leading competitors have scored six each; Mhaille is also present, scoring a much more acceptable four in his yearly quest not to be writer of the year. Potty is a much more straightforward affair with Lyrithya destroying all competition. Clearly she only dislikes competing for things when she isn't certain that she will win. That's all for this week; keep those voting fingers voting! Who Cares?
 Looking back at this shitty doggy smelly piece of shit, I cannot help but realise the true beauty of not caring. Through the days of editing, not caring has saved my life more than once. I didn't care about the mince pies. Nor did I care about the French and Indian War. I mean, seriously? A French and Indian War? LOL. Why am I telling you this? Because I want YOU to stop caring about something. Does one not relish the true beauty of not caring? Do you not see what are the results of this beautiful action could be? I told Magic man this and he turned me into a frog. Again. Anyways, if you stop caring about something, you will realise the true result of not caring! I mean, look, some users stopped caring about VFH, and let me tell you, they're having a wonderful time now! Well, except for one of the admins, who said: "Oh, Popsy! If you stop caring about articles, you're in trouble!". Oh, ha ha, nice joke. There appeared to be a problem for a while because after not caring about VFH for a few days, I couldn't edit any pages for a week. Weird. Some weird-ass picture popped out saying some bullcrap - "You can watch Uncyclopedia but you can't shag the shit," or something like that. My aim is to have a certain topic with so little caring, it should be under the Nobody Cares category. Can we do that? I think so! Just stop caring about something! I don't care what you stop caring about and you shouldn't care if I care that you are/aren't caring about what you normally care about! So what are you waiting for? STOP CARING NOW! Important announcement
You all remember the Pee Review? It needs more people reviewing. It also needs more people who say they're going to review things to actually review things, and people who request reviews to review stuff themselves. So this is an announcement announcing that I, Lyrithya, will feed anyone who doesn't review stuff to my cat. Seriously, she's hungry and I'm broke and this was the best thing I could come up with. |
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~ 
I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:00, 12 January 2012
UnSignpost - 19 January 2012[edit source]
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
January 19th, 2012 • Issue 154 • Remember to proofread! The red penis your friend!
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We're all going to die!
 Death is coming. What's that noise? Death. Who's that at the door? It's death. Death will come for you, just as it is coming for Uncyclopedia, freedom and the American way. This week sees the UnSignpost tackling two issues, the first of which is SOAP. January 18th this year was in fact something more than simply another day where I contemplated suicide as I trudged to the bus stop in the cold. This year it was the big exciting SOAP protest day. Uncyclopedia won't stand for SOAP, nor will it take it lying down. Wikipedia spent a tremendous amount of time coming up with the idea of blacking out all their articles to protest against SOAPn and while the UnSignpost, as you are well aware, often shies away from making political statements on issues such as this but in this case feels compelled to condemn Wikipedia for racism. We submit to you that blacking out ones articles on a day of protest implies that black is a worse colour than white, which as we all know is racist. Denizens of the internet, rise up - let Uncyclopedia protest by whiting out all of its articles because the only way to protest racism is to be racist but in the opposite direction. This SOAP stuff may seem dangerous, but a quick scrub and it's like you never used it; plus you smell nice. What a massive fuss over some SOAP. Next thing you'll be telling us that some sort of internet censorship programme is passing through the US congress, what an outrage that would be! Uncyclopedia, unfortunately, ignored us completely for that special day. Our suggestion of the slogan "Don't drop the SOPA!" was met with universal disdain; we even swapped a couple of the letters around to make it more passive aggressive. Racism abounded in the SOAP forum, with users suggesting black-outs, black-ins and white-ups. That is, until Matt lobster suggested that we simply make fun of Wikipedia like we normally do, then there was voting and then there were pop tarts. In other news, Uncyclopedia has no users and we are all going to die unloved and unmourned thousands of miles from home. Unless the latest figures are to be believed! Mattsnow has produced compelling evidence that Uncyclopedia is not in fact doomed. Speaking on Tuesday, Mattsnow said: "You can prove anything with statistics, which is why I've compiled this list of statistics to prove the other statistics wrong!". Obviously we attempted to get in touch with Dr. Skullthumper, who usually reminds us all why we're doomed and usually has a plan involving deleting most of our articles to save us from the fiery unpopular-on-the-internet circle of Hell. Unfortunately the good doctor was out, but there was a note reminding us all that Uncyclopedia is doomed and that we shouldn't believe a word of what Mattsnow says. We leave you to reflect on these issues, with Socky's analysis of the situation: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!" Uncyclopedia turns the light switch off to protest Wikipedia's blackout.
All through the wonders of css and js, Uncyclopedia did manage something after all in a last minute attempt to mimic Wikipedia. And, just like on Wikipedia, by doing something as simple as disabling Javascript, users quickly found they could turn the light back on. Or they could have added " In conclusion, OMG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:05, 19 January 2012
UnSignpost - 26 January 2012[edit source]
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
January 26th, 2012 • Issue 155 • CAKE!
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Phoning it in!
 That is exactly what I'm doing, I'm actually writing the UnSignpost from a phone, my phone, I'm not a thief or anything. As such it is a thoroughly miserable experience mitigated only by the feeling that nobody will be disappointed when, tomorrow morning, the UnSignpost arrives in the manner you have all come to expect. So what's happening on Uncyclopedia? I don't know, I'm still waiting for all the tabs I opened to load! It's Wikia's fault, I mean what the shit is this? I remember when I could use the internet on my phone from a car on a dark hill somewhere in the East Midlands and it wouldn't mean the complete lack of any functionality in the device. We won't see the like of last week again soon! I tell a lie when I say I couldn't start Uncyclopedia, I made it to the main page. Naturally I sobbed for ten minutes because I don't have any messages, much like I do in real life before realising that I wasn't logged in. Then I sobbed for another ten minutes when I realised that didn't make the slightest difference to the number of messages I had. So we have a feature, it looks excellent and I'm sure it is excellent voted on as it was by a Zombie, a dog and a man from Belgium! The forums actually loaded quite quickly on this brick with internet access that the people at HTC had the gall to refer to as "Quietly Brilliant". IMAGINE MY SURPRISE AT THE FIRST TOPIC: Forum:Fix the mobile site. I for one can attest to the truth behind this request; the mobile site is about as easy to navigate as a rave in a hedge maze, and slightly harder to find your way out of. Have a splendid week, I'm off now. As soon as I find the save button.
Found it.
Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:27, 26 January 2012
No one is writing you anymore[edit source]
But even though I don't want to write you, or I may be ostrasized from the cool people "Whadz ya talkin' to 'im fer?" I must say that your false flag UnNews has you once again reaching masterpiece status if only people knew what you were preaching about. But the war will come and go, and people will watch sitcoms and laugh, and if anyone notices they will turn the station to see what else is on. Raise the flag, boys, another one is set to bite the dust! So to get people's minds off such serious business I'll put up a real UnNews story, and not a fake one like yours, about some monster or other. Aleister 10:48 29-1-'12
- Hey bro. This is a talk page, but I can only write here. I can't figure a way to talk. Anyway, good Unnews should actually serve a sarcastic purpose - if we let the globalist pigs know we're on to them - then maybe they will think twice. Otherwise it is standard proceedure. Write your state's comedian and warn them false flags are not funny. Cheers!!!--Funnybony
12:30, Jan 29
- Hey bro. This is a talk page, but I can only write here. I can't figure a way to talk. Anyway, good Unnews should actually serve a sarcastic purpose - if we let the globalist pigs know we're on to them - then maybe they will think twice. Otherwise it is standard proceedure. Write your state's comedian and warn them false flags are not funny. Cheers!!!--Funnybony
- Holy shit that new is horrible. Luckily I don't live there, otherwise I'd kill myself. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:57 29 January 2012
- And I meant scary, not horrible. The writer writes AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH- sentences like he'd trained it! OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:58 29 January 2012
So I heard you like boxing[edit source]
I remember reading Mike Tyson and loving it like hell, I love boxing, and Al told me you do too. Did you know about the Oscar de la Hoya cross-dressing pictures taken on cocaine binges and that he recently admitted they were all real? Talk about going from hero to zero lol. So I have written an UnNews that may interest you! UnNews:There's 'gay' and then there's 'Oscar de la Hoya gay' - an editorial by Bill O'Reilly There's a lot more of his "kinky" pics on google images. I have nothing against gayness, but how stupid must one be to take those kinda pics when you're a celebrity??? 
Mattsnow 12:28, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
- I was in the NM state golden gloves at 15. And sparred with world Welterweight champ Emile Griffith ( spell ?). The best boxing article here is Jack Dempsey. Roberto Duran is good too. It seems like Oscar is taking success lessons from Paris Hilton - she was nothing before sucking some dude's dick on YouTube. Nothing besides rich, that was. Go figure! Cheers!!!--Funnybony 12:43, Jan 29
- Awesome! I always wondered how it's like in the ring, gotta try that one day. And I read the Duran article aready, great one too! I'll read the Dempsey one. After that interesting "fait divers" I think writing one on De La Hoya is a great mine of laughs!
Mattsnow 12:47, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
- Because I mentioned it I read Dempsey again, I haven't read it since it was featured a decade ago, and I lol lol lol. Made a few small edits, have a look FB to see if they're okay. I can't imagine reading that one out loud, I'd laugh too much. Excuse me for butting in here, I'm out now. Greepers. Al 12:55 29-1-'12
- I'm so mad. Don't ever do that again. Mattsnow 12:59, January 29, 2012 (0UTC)
- I'm so mad. Don't ever do that again.
- Because I mentioned it I read Dempsey again, I haven't read it since it was featured a decade ago, and I lol lol lol. Made a few small edits, have a look FB to see if they're okay. I can't imagine reading that one out loud, I'd laugh too much. Excuse me for butting in here, I'm out now. Greepers. Al 12:55 29-1-'12
- Awesome! I always wondered how it's like in the ring, gotta try that one day. And I read the Duran article aready, great one too! I'll read the Dempsey one. After that interesting "fait divers" I think writing one on De La Hoya is a great mine of laughs!
- I was in the NM state golden gloves at 15. And sparred with world Welterweight champ Emile Griffith ( spell ?). The best boxing article here is Jack Dempsey. Roberto Duran is good too. It seems like Oscar is taking success lessons from Paris Hilton - she was nothing before sucking some dude's dick on YouTube. Nothing besides rich, that was. Go figure! Cheers!!!--Funnybony
YYYEAAAHHHH[edit source]
Some people are not desperate enough lol UnNews:Chinese claim Ron Paul unerectable Congrats on the feature, but it means a lot more to us all! Mattsnow 02:48, January 30, 2012 (UTC)
- Your UnNews output is incredible ! Mattsnow 02:53, January 30, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks, bro! Man, it is scary how few people realize what is going on in the world. I would be ashamed if I had to admit not understanding the Paul story. The ignorance level here is almost as scary as the truth. People don't get it because they are clueless, mainstream-corp-media suckers - gad! Thanks for the successful Nom and kind words. I'll be in touch. Cheers!--Funnybony 13:27, Jan 30
- Thanks, bro! Man, it is scary how few people realize what is going on in the world. I would be ashamed if I had to admit not understanding the Paul story. The ignorance level here is almost as scary as the truth. People don't get it because they are clueless, mainstream-corp-media suckers - gad! Thanks for the successful Nom and kind words. I'll be in touch. Cheers!--Funnybony
Jim Bevel[edit source]
Congrats on the Paul page, which only one in three people will get, and that one will laugh and laugh and laugh. Yo, I've finally nommed that James Bevel page, and could use a kick-start on the vote. I researched Bevel for months, months I tellz ya, and am still amazed at his story. Ron Paul is unerectable--lollollol. Thanks. Aleister 23:43 30-1-'12
- Thanks for the vlote! It'd be fun to get this featured. Did you have a look at the changes I made on Jack Demsey, tiny tweaks. Back in the day, when men were men and anvils were anvils. Al 14:05 30-1-'12
- Sure, bro. I was going to vote for MLKjr too, but it sounded like Wikipedia, maybe better than Wikipedia. It wasn't even trying to be funny. Yes, the Dempsey edits are fine. I'll be in touch. Cheers!--Funnybony 14:15, Jan 30
- I'm not taking any credit for the MLK page, it was in sad shape when I put a fix tag on it and then TKF nommed it for VFH! So I just softened the sick stuff a bit. Dempsey, I figure that page is one of my favorites here. If Tyson and Dempsey fought in their prime Tyson would have killed him, only because he was crazy and Dempsey was just anvilled. Al 14:18 30-1-'12
- p.s. well, the King page wasn't as bad as I thought, and I've made edits in the places where I was most uncomfortable. Now it reads a little more like a knock on Fox and the right-wingers and not as gross as a few minutes ago.
- I'm not taking any credit for the MLK page, it was in sad shape when I put a fix tag on it and then TKF nommed it for VFH! So I just softened the sick stuff a bit. Dempsey, I figure that page is one of my favorites here. If Tyson and Dempsey fought in their prime Tyson would have killed him, only because he was crazy and Dempsey was just anvilled. Al 14:18 30-1-'12
- Sure, bro. I was going to vote for MLKjr too, but it sounded like Wikipedia, maybe better than Wikipedia. It wasn't even trying to be funny. Yes, the Dempsey edits are fine. I'll be in touch. Cheers!--Funnybony
Everyone jump in![edit source]
Hello. I put the following update on the walk into a bar collab. The intent of this was to have uncyclopedia have the best original walk into a bar page on the innernests, and to edit it in some form or other like a collab. Everyone's invited, I just can't spam more than a few pages with invites or an admin will yank my chain (if I'm lucky), so please come and join in. Thanks. Aleister 17:35 2-2-'12
- The update: The call for original Walk into a bar stories continues, as many good writers and others are doing this page justice. It may take weeks or months to get it in shape. Please add your best original 'Walk into a bar' story either here or on the talk page. Please polish the joke or story enough so that you are happy with it. Can we make the best Walk into a bar page on the innernests? Maybe, and that would be fun. So please improve this page with your best and brighest.
- Bro, here is my bar joke HowTo:Tell another bar joke.--Funnybony 06:17, Feb 3
- Bro, here is my bar joke HowTo:Tell another bar joke.--Funnybony
UnSignpost - 3 February 2012[edit source]
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
February 3th, 2012 • Issue 156 • There might be wild hungry cows on the loose!
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On Felonies And Awards
Hello. I was sitting in the study this evening, sipping imported white jasmine tea while reading Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, Rachmaninoff's Symphony No. 2 in E Minor proudly flowing into the room by way of a full orchestra I had composed of Hungarian slave children I'd purchased on the black market, when it suddenly hit me. I realized that there should be a way to communicate to the Uncyclopedian community (as well as our friends down at the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who hold a free shrimp buffet every second Wednesday) that the yearly awards for 2011 had been recently voted on, tallied, and awarded to their respective award-winners. Then it hit me, again! "Reginald," I said to myself aloud, severely confusing the few English-speaking members of my illegal young orchestra, "Why not personally drive across the world in an old Ford Torino, spreading the excellent news to everyone?" This idea was bound to work. In short, it didn't work. I'd explain the whole sordid tale, but I need to leave room in this thing for the actual news itself, so without further adieu (I do, too), here are your 2011 "...Of The Year" winners.
Congratulations to all winners, formerly prospective winners, nominees who didn't have a shot in hell at becoming winners, and Virgil Gordon of the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who last week correctly guessed the exact number of jelly beans inside of the mason jar that was set out in front of the lodge. Unfortunately, no prize was associated with guessing that there were 592 beans in the jar, as it was not intended as a contest, but as a mere decoration. In the future, the lodge will explicitly state the purpose of all jelly bean-filled mason jars by way of a small cardboard sign propped up against the jar. The Top 10 Articles of 2011 voting is also finished, but all of them haven't been re-featured and listed yet, so we're not going to mention that we know the winners until next week. Thank you for your support
 Good morning, Uncyclopedians (or evening, or possibly afternoon, depending on where you happen to be when you happen to read this). It is with high honour and big words that I announce that I have the utmost appreciation for your fine community here; for all of the squabbles on discussion pages and intractable behavioural issues demonstrated therein, you all have yet again exceeded even the highest expectations. Yes, you had the courage and decency to support me in my quest for wiki-domination, elevating my to the position of sysop, an endeavour for which I am tremendously grateful. As much as it would please me to richly reward you all for this show of faith, however, I must regretfully inform you that as a sockpuppet and general test account of User:Lyrithya, I am not actually authorised to act in any capacity exceeding the plausible scope of productivity and the odd prank or two. My sincerest apologies. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:08, 3 February 2012
Wow[edit source]
463 articles and unnews. This is getting crazy dude. MrN 
06:52, Feb 3
- Well, bro! I gotta make up for your absence. I'm glad to hear from you. Please send me an email with the latest - like, have you paid your carbon foot print tax lately? Whaaas up? Cheers!--Funnybony 08:56, Feb 3
- I'm sure I have it somewhere... They are trying to put some huge windmills up in the valleys in Wales near where I am staying... On one side of the valley they want to put windmills, on the other they want to put an huge waste incinerator. Make up your mind NWO do you want to burn stuff and make CO2 or not?!? ;) MrN
09:08, Feb 3
- I'm sure I have it somewhere... They are trying to put some huge windmills up in the valleys in Wales near where I am staying... On one side of the valley they want to put windmills, on the other they want to put an huge waste incinerator. Make up your mind NWO do you want to burn stuff and make CO2 or not?!? ;) MrN
- Well, bro! I gotta make up for your absence. I'm glad to hear from you. Please send me an email with the latest - like, have you paid your carbon foot print tax lately? Whaaas up? Cheers!--Funnybony
- 462 of them are really funny. I will never reveal the unfunny one....never. mAttlobster. (hello) 18:41, February 3, 2012 (UTC)
Happy Monkey contest[edit source]
Do you know about the Happy Monkey contest for this weekend? It'd be fun to see you play in that. There's a place to sign up and everything. Are you surfing Recent changes yet? Sometime we have much to discuss and mull over, and I will bring oranges. Al 00:51 8-2-'12
Once again[edit source]
Mattsnow 23:47, February 9, 2012 (UTC)
- Just put Dead Dicks on VFH. Good luck! Mattsnow 00:26, February 12, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 10 February 2012[edit source]
The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!
February 10th, 2012 • Issue 157 • Ack! Ack! Ack!
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Something happened this week.
 In the coming days, the aftershock of these events will come to a screaming peak, as countless forum topics are created, talk-page flamewars are started, and before you know it we're experiencing a virtual Titus Andronicus effect being enacted upon our peaceful wiki. When asked for comment, Modusoperandi will say something unrelated, yet witty, and we'll all step back for a moment and realize what's happening to us. We will then continue on in our back-and-forth for an indeterminate amount of time, probably zombifying the topic several times over before it finally fizzes out later on down the line, then being re-awoken and used to adopt new site policy. This, in turn, will spawn a similarly detailed UnSignpost story, if we're still around by then. Personally I blame this all on the one who was holding the watermelon at the time. You know who you are. You disgust me. Shit Happens Shit Happens all the time. Lets say ... you're drinking some kind of soda and it accidentally spills onto your shirt. Or you are biting on a burger when you accidentally choke to death but nobody cares. Or your penis falls off. Anyway, my point is, there are some negatives in life but you must learn to tolerate them .. especially when you're a fat ass who sits in your room spending your entire life consuming hotdogs and giggling at comedies on television while jacking off to classical fucks and trolling on the Internet which is absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. So always be positive, even when your balls drop off. Or your penis. Or even your cat. Because as you know, the World isn't fair ever since some dick with an ass of a triangle set foot on this Earth. So get used to life, and if you can, get used to the dicks who banned your ass and spammed your page which is also, absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. Oh, and always remember to stay on the bright side even if you are found lying naked with an underwear eight times the size of your penis and you get arrested, get thrown in jail, get beaten up by a kid who apparently isn't a kid and get castrated unintentionally while having a sandwich crammed down your throat trying to squat in a cell and you finally get out after 5 years only to get run down by an ass in a car and you get admitted to hospital but a doctor feeds you the wrong medicine and you rot away and die and you get dumped into the sewers. So remember kids ... always be posi-  |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 10:24, 10 February 2012
UnSignpost - 18 February 2012[edit source]
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
February 18th, 2012 • Issue 158 • This is the place to be for the end of the world show.
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Important competition news As you all are no doubt aware due to paying the utmost attention to that which goes on around you, there was a competition this week, or possibly last week, or at very least, at some point relatively recently. This competition was the 2012 Happy Monkey Competition, in which various contestants competed to do something possibly monkey-related. According to the sitenotice, it is wrapping up around now, waiting only for the judges to show up and do their damn jobs, or, as the case may be, leave already so the janitor can clean up; it's not the competition hosts' fault you're homeless, and it's not their job to provide you with shelter past the allotted judging hours. What the rest of you may be less aware of, however, is certain controversy that has inevitably sprung up about this contest. Allegations of unfairness in proctoring and judging and a general lack of effective organisation and topics have no doubt sprung up, as they invariably do with every competition. Complications have also indubitably arisen from the tendencies of certain individuals to simply do things without asking, and of others to ask first and then ignore the responses. Rest assured, for the cabal is watching, and all who disturb the order of things will be dealt with accordingly.  MOAR PENIS
Penisman has been sorely under-utilized as of late. In fact, he's been sorely under-utilized as of recent, and sorely under-utilized as of the past while as well. I just have one thing to say about this... Prepare for World Domination
After a pro-longed session of drinking high-quality whiskey and smoking imported Cuban cigars, the fate of the world was finally decided between the Oli brothers. The western world, under the dominion of the English Empire and her colonies, would come under the complete control of King Olipro, while the eastern world consisting of the USSR and the powerful nation of Monaco would come under the control of Head Commissioner Oliphaunte. The two leaders would then combine their powerful empires into one global superpower and conquer all the little nations with their armies of pirate robots and Flying undead pilots. After which, a spaceship made completely out of cotton balls and masking tape would be launched to conquer Mars, Saturn, Venus, Uranus, and Neptune. Not Pluto, though, because that's no longer a planet. Instead, the two Olies will construct a replica Star Wars deathstar, which will be painted completely blue to avoid copyright infringement with Lucasarts (George Lucas now owns nuclear devices and becomes unstable when his trademarks are re-created without permission), and will use it to blow up Pluto for the hell of it. The planets will then be under the jurisdiction of the top friends of the two Olies. Saturn will go to Zombiebaron, Mars will go to Lyrithya, Neptune will go to Black flamingo11, Venus will go to Dr. Skullthumper and Uranus will go to Mattsnow simply because he wouldn't stop laughing when we told him Uranus was conquered. Now that the plan and been decided and the gears are in motion, it's only a matter of time before the entire world is conquered by Uncyclopedia, and everyone will be forced to contribute at least one article everyday about how great their overlords, Oliphaunte, Olipro, and friends, truly are! Mwhahahahahahha. Ha? It was then that Oliphaunte woke up in a back alley somewhere in Atlantic City with a dozen empty bottles of whiskey, a bag a hemp, and a calling card for male prostitutes. There was also a note next to him that read, "You got drunk and threw up on my living room rug, so I flew you to Atlantic city, beat you up, and left you with a bunch of male hookers. Also, stole you Hageen-Daaz from the freezer. -Love, Olipro." Oliphaunte then realized that the plan for world domination was just a dream...Oh well, at least he has rollbacks now. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:54, 18 February 2012
Womp rats[edit source]
Womp rats! Al 12:39 20-2-'12
- Al, bro, offer your eternal gratitude to these saviors of the Degobah System. It's ready for a NOM - especially if you pad it up with your humor. Please "pad-n-nom"THIS, y/bro--Funnybony 16:05, Feb 20
- Whoa, I came by to thank you for all your votes and saw this. Do you still want me to look at Womp Rats or are you totally happy with it? How can you not be, for they are...Womp rats! Aleister 20:28 28-2-'12 p.s. Do you ever check out Above Top Secret?
- I nudged it a little, and is it okay if I do a little more to tweak it in some sections I had a hard time following? And do you know that people are now encouraged to nom their own things if they think the page is a feature. It may be better if you self-nominate, as I have nommed a few things on the board right now and people may just ignore another one. If you nom it, then I can comment on it and praise the page better, for it really is an important topic (vital) and you are maybe the first person to point that out. Womp rat(s)! Al 22:40 28-2-'12
- Not to say I wouldn't nom it if you wanted me to, just that I've nommed four things on the board right now. You've made me appreciate womp rats and their pivotal place in the Star Wars universe. The unsung heroes. The guest of honor. Yay womp rats! Al 10:48 Leap Day 2012
- Bro, if that is allowed then I'll nom it after you give me the all clear that edits are complete. Meanwhile, we have another collab, Dead Dicks, looks to be heading for an FA. Yea Al!!!--Funnybony 10:57, Feb 29
- Collab? No, womp rat(s) is your masterpiece, a tour de force. But thanks, I will look at edits, but not as a collab. Dead Dicks, I appreciate you letting me have credit, it's a great page (seriously) and it has just given me an idea - an Anti-war category if uncy doesn't have one. One of the best antiwar statements I've seen. Did you know James Bevel is being feaured later today? Womp rat(s)! Al leap second
- I nudged it a little, and is it okay if I do a little more to tweak it in some sections I had a hard time following? And do you know that people are now encouraged to nom their own things if they think the page is a feature. It may be better if you self-nominate, as I have nommed a few things on the board right now and people may just ignore another one. If you nom it, then I can comment on it and praise the page better, for it really is an important topic (vital) and you are maybe the first person to point that out. Womp rat(s)! Al 22:40 28-2-'12
- Whoa, I came by to thank you for all your votes and saw this. Do you still want me to look at Womp Rats or are you totally happy with it? How can you not be, for they are...Womp rats! Aleister 20:28 28-2-'12 p.s. Do you ever check out Above Top Secret?
- Al, bro, offer your eternal gratitude to these saviors of the Degobah System. It's ready for a NOM - especially if you pad it up with your humor. Please "pad-n-nom"THIS, y/bro--Funnybony
UnSignpost - 23 February 2012[edit source]
Word to your mother.
February 23rd, 2012 • Issue 159 • FUS RO Journalism!
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Softly softly, happy Monkey
Now we here at the UnSignpost would be the first to admit that our coverage of the Happy Monkey Competition has amounted to less than the laser show of words that you were probably expecting. It is a sincere regret of the UnSignpost that it has been unable to provide any sort of meaningful coverage of a competition which describes itself as 'pure awesomeness' on its signup page. The competition successfully concluded this week and Aleister in Chains was declared the overall winner. We were privileged not to catch up with Aleister regarding this, and you shouldn't consider it either. In second and third were ICameHereInACloche and Xamralco, who lost slightly less than everyone else. For those who don't know how the scores for the Happy Monkey competition are calculated, it is by a simple process of getting the judges to rate an article out of ten in a table, much like this one, adding all their scores up, then throwing them in the bin and letting Shabidoo decide who the winner should be. The UnSignpost is very impressed with Shabidoo's ingenuity in overruling the opinions of his peers and stomping on the faces of his enemies. Those who enjoyed the Happy Monkey should take note of Shabidoo's next competition which he calls "Forced labour in a Salt Mine, while I eat grapes and sit on a deck chair". The competition has furnished Uncyclopedia with sixteen new articles. A splendid achievement; asked just how he had done this by Mattsnow, Shabidoo replied: "Raisins! Never underestimate the alure of raisins!". The UnSignpost fervently hopes that Dr. Skullthumper is still reading the UnSignpost so that he can take this knowledge and use it to save us from ourselves, a task he accomplishes at present by lurking on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel and successfully saying the word 'penis' more than anyone else.  For the fans of long unbroken blocks of text among you, this week saw the arrival of this forum in which Thekillerfroggy sets out his agenda to sell Uncyclopedia to "the man" piece by piece. He also thinks that we should bring back cash prizes, introduce a daily editing charge and require that an article can only be featured on the front page if it also attempts to sell the reader discount Viagra. Finally an administrator who isn't afraid to say what we're all thinking: "When am I ever going to get some sort of financial return for editing this humour wiki?". The last word this week goes to Modusoperandi who asks: "Is there code to keep the ads and hide the pages?". The Forum
 TheHappySpaceman just can't wait for April Fools day. He's so desperately excited that he has started a forum in which we can all plot and scheme about just how we will take in the entire world this April 1st. ICameHereInACloche wasted no time in suggesting that we make Uncyclopedia good for April fools day and was, quite rightly, kicked down a flight of steps by Olipro, who pointed out that it's April fools day and not Christmas. The discussion is needless anyway since I have already decided that we should do absolutely nothing for April Fools day. Except, and here's the catch and the really clever bit, we make it look like we have. We'll all sit on IRC going "Lol" at all the plebs who arrive on the website going "OMG WHAT'S CHANGED???". Shabidoo wants to know what your name is! It's not creepy at all! There's a lot of discussion going on regarding huffing! No need to read any of it, just remember that you should FIX IT, DON'T {{FIX}} IT. Administrators take note, or PuppyOnTheRadio will come to your talk page and make you feel very bad indeed. The bad news is that BHOP still exists and TheHappySpaceman is using it to plug his very own award. He could least haven chosen something that Aleister might not win every month. In conclusion: don't go to BHOP. It's not nice there. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:46, 23 February 2012
only one ive ever seen online....[edit source]
As the subject suggests...you're the only one ive ever seen online. WTF is with the +/- thingy? Noone said there were points! That smacks of some sort of school gym philosophy....so, ad nauseum....WTF? Nice article you're working on BTW...I read a bit while figuring out how to talk to anyone....
--Dorianin 07:45, February 29, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 1 March 2012[edit source]
Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth
March 1, 2012 • Issue 160 • You are all about to die.
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Nothing.
So I got up this morning, ate some breakfast and watched some television, ya know, just normal morning stuff. Then I decided it was time for me to check Uncyclopedia, as I do every day. So I walk over to my computer, turn on the screen and bring up Safari. I go to Uncyclopedia, log in and what do I see? Oh, I'll tell you what I saw. This thing that I saw was so terrible, I almost died. What I saw was... NOTHING. C'mon, guys, can't you do anything? Start a competition, a new exciting forum, even drama! Anything! I mean, I can't be expected to entertain myself, can I? And to any of you smart-asses out there who tell me that nothing is something in and of itself, shut up and go fall in a hole full of pointy objects; you know what that would be helping by telling me that? Take a guess. News? For those with eyes in their brains and mugs in their ale, it should be clear that all manner of very important things have been occurring in the news. Or is this the news? Well, you get the idea. Apparently Uncyclopedians, Shabidoo in particular, think there is something wrong with the site. While this is indoubti-bi-tubby the case, a more pressing concern we must bring up is this: has there ever been anything right with the site? Today the scare involves NotM, a highly prestigious award won by all the people who aren't here right now, and how it creates problems in regards to new editor retention, despite the minor issue that we would have to have new editors in the first place in order to retain any of them. Another scare involves the complete lack of sufficient delete votes on VFD, along with the fact that Sycamore wants to decrease the maximum number of active votes there to 14 when 15 would in fact be a much more round number, and to decrease the score required to delete things from 5 to 4, when 5 is also a much more round number. We suspect Sycamore just has something against round numbers, probably due to some childhood trauma or something, unless it turns out that these are the wrong notes and it was someone else who wanted to do all that. Everything's so blurry.  In other news, Wikia broke the site again, our illustrious admins keep forgetting to update the feature queue, VFP is lacking an appropriate number of votes, containing only the nominations of three images by Zombiebaron, who demands that more people vote for them because pi is awesome, and Uncyclopedia needs more sharons. And I really need to lie down. Profit! Profit! A word that has dogged Uncyclopedia, most especially those pages doomed to huffing, for years. A concept that we, as a community, have overlooked in our time, and need to bring the focus back to.  A user has recently pointed out that as a community, we are forgetting this one fundamental principle. Our growth - nay, our very survival - depends on this principle. We need to become part of the corporate machine to further our plans of world domination. To do this, we may need to advertise, and to pay for quality submissions. Now many of you may be afraid of this. Change can be frightening, and after all, our last venture into the world of capitalism has left us falling short of the desired funds to The point is, ladies and gentleman, that profit, for lack of a better word, is good. Profit is right, profit works. Profit clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Profit, in all of its forms; profit for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And profit, you mark my words, will not only save Uncyclopedia, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much. Editor's note: This is most certainly not a veiled attempt by the resident money launderers to give them something to launder. The people want this. They already have a number of ideas relating to the promotion and growth of the site, and want your feedback so they can have feedback! Yes! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:23, 1 March 2012
Uncyclopedian[edit source]
I saw the link on Al's page and couldn't resist it. I know surfing almost as well as I know sub-atomic physics, so sorry if I screwed up the metaphors there. Feel free to tell me to butt out.
- Thanks, Puppy. I hope we can all chip in. Please put whatever you like. Welcome.
Side note: What was the song you did the backward masking on again?Pup 02:07 03 Mar '12
- That song is called I'm Not Talking and is actually found on Wikipedia HERE and that part is in the song's intro, recorded in London 1966. Cheers--Funnybony 14:41, Mar 3
- Of course you're not talking, you're singing! I read Uncyclopedian and it's well on the way to a good article. The mood isn't in me at this moment to add or detract, but I will come back to it. Nice work on everything! I looked at my edits on Dead Dicks and I guess I do get a half-credit on that, but you created the concept and wrote the page and polished it to the perfection it is now, so I feel both deeply ashamed (like a Japanese ashamed, not a Charlie Sheen ashamed) and very lucky to be able to share a bit of gook dick of this wonderful anti-war work. A classic, like Catch-22. Oh, and if you like the recordings people do on UnNews some of the users are trying to huff the Goldsteind award on VFD right now, so run fast to help save it. Dead Dicks! Womp Rats! Al 11:49 4-3-'12
- That song is called I'm Not Talking and is actually found on Wikipedia HERE and that part is in the song's intro, recorded in London 1966. Cheers--Funnybony
Deceased Genitals[edit source]
Thanks! And like I said above, I'm honored to be a part of your great anti-war article. Anyone reading it is going to be lucky, and maybe the page will inspire many new collectors. I wish I were on the battlefields of Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, so I could beef up my collection of dead dicks (I only have four right now, a good find that I picked up in an antique shop on a trip to Hiroshima, put down again, and then shoplifted). Thanks again!!!! Yay Dead Dicks! Aleister 12:10 7-3-'12
UnSignpost - 8 March 2012[edit source]
I love it when the news comes together
March 8th, 2012 • Issue 161 • The most recycled periodical on the internet!
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Vote for Change
 There have been rumblings on the wiki this week, and not just because someone in the UnSignpost office insists it is their human right to have three kebabs for breakfast. These are the rumblings of discontent, and they stem from the behaviour of several users on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel. Frosty was decent enough to create a forum in the Ministry of Love explaining his discontent with pretty much everything IRC. Those of you who are fans of long blocks of text with lots of unnecessary swearing will not be disappointed as Frosty delivers Uncyclopedia's first blockbuster of 2012. The crux of the issue is that the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is not unlike my back garden, dangerous to enter alone for fear that Olipro will burst from the undergrowth and verbally assault you before hiding in the shed. There appear to be several views on this issue, besides the obvious; the UnSignpost sat down with Socky to discuss how we could fabricate a quote from him this week and he didn't say "I propose that all who argue should be put to death". Determined not to be outdone when it comes to simmering discontent with our benighted wiki, Lyrithya weighed into the forum to say that she too was disgusted with the present situation and something should be done. It's both worrying and strangely comforting that you can always rely on her for this particular viewpoint. The rebuttal to all these dissenting views has been varied, mostly involving admitting that yes Olipro and Dr. Skullthumper are an acquired taste and that everyone should generally go back to the important task of Speaking of maintaining the wiki, it is with great pride and the greatest pleasure that we bring to you more reforms from the keyboard of Dr. Skullthumper, Uncyclopedia's lead innovator and blue sky thinker. He proposes that in order to make new users feel welcome we should abolish Noob of the Month. Don't look at us like that; it makes complete sense to me: new users plus no awards equals a better Uncyclopedia. That isn't strictly true, as PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that instead of having a system by which we award one user the award per month we stack the new users up and treat them as though they were articles on VFH. This will at least kill two noobs with one stone, as nothing proves quite so heartbreaking as having your first article stomped on and then thrown into the bin because it "Lacks cultural significance". You could then change to the VFN page and watch yourself be stomped on and then thrown into the bin because "His/her articles lack cultural significance". Users interested in this plan should report here and support Thrak Thrak the destroyer of Worlds: May his power endure eternally, praise be, praise be to use the name he uses in his welcome message. Oh and in case you had forgotten, Thekillerfroggy still wants to sell Uncyclopedia to the man, man. Our pessimistic thought for the week goes to Electrified mocha chinchilla, who urges you to look on the bright side by saying: "Uncyclopedia will die if we do not make a conscious effort to expand our presence on the internet, thereby reaching a wider audience and attracting more contributors". So to conclude:
Only you can prevent forest fires, is what we would be saying if it was time for forest fire week again. It's not. Instead it is almost time for another Conservation Week! Unfamiliar with Conservation Week? Want to learn more? Why not head on over to the page and do a spot of reading? Or don't; trust that our summary of the rules is gospel and just start writing. Basically you rewrite articles so that they are no longer suitable for one of Dr. Skullthumper's templates of doom. Having completed your rewrite you gain a point, and you want to have more points than everyone, especially HauntedUndies, who is the Team Rocket of Conservation Week. Honestly, it's true. You can enter the competition for the low low price of ten English pounds, which goes towards oiling the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia. Your article should also contain at least two pictures of a Monkey, regardless of the subject matter. Well? What are you waiting for? HAH! False start; the competition isn't running just yet, and updates could come from anywhere, at literally any time. Check out the forum and await further instructions. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:20, 8 March 2012
Uncyclopedian[edit source]
I don't understand (please, make me understand, I want to know. ahhhhhhhhhh!) why Uncyclopedian didn't sale through on VFH. It's a very good page and may have gotten lots, or one, people person to become a user here. I will suggest it to newer members, and maybe people didn't get the surfer language or something. Nice page! And what's this about you never having won UofM yet? That's too weird, and should be rectified soon. I know you don't surf recent changes, and if you did you would have seen that Puppy has maybe gone rabid. Someone may have to put him down. Tragic, but what are you gonna do? Aleister 17:07 14-3-'12
Darpa/Google[edit source]
Sorry to burst in on your vibe dude, but I wondered if you had seen this this or this. I searched Darpa Google on Google news, and there are loads of articles about it. Figured you might be interested. Chill dude. MrN 16:00, Mar 15
The Pea Buddy Awards[edit source]
WOW! A brand new UnNews competition and we need you! Either prepare yourself mentally for the severity of the trials (don't sign up just yet, you cheat!) or commit your soul as a judge right now. May the Lord shine his blessings upon thee! Mattsnow 00:39, March 20, 2012 (UTC)
ET questions[edit source]
Back in the 50s the question was do they come from Mars or some other planet?
By the 60s and 70s humans had gotten more sophisticated so the question was do they come from Alpha Centauri or some other star?
Now humans have gotten even more sophisticated so the question is do they come from another planet or another universe or another dimension or are they time travelers?
And the answer is...
*YES!
- Yo, Funnybony, if I ever get video on this thing I'll watch that. Have you ever checked out above top secret (ATS)? If not, you may like it. Here's a thread from yesterday I really liked. It's best to sign in as a member, even if you don't post, because that gets around so many of the intrusive ads and let's you see the avatars of the users. Check it out! Peacz, Al (UTC)
- Wow, they're some smart folks, indeed! Whew!! Thanks, Bro!!!--Funnybony 12:19, Mar 24
- The disclosure project is the "best" info on UFO's out there IMO. It's mostly "us" IMO. Project blue beam/various other shit we have, but don't want people to know about... Bill Cooper finally got it right. Just before he was killed... If "they" are here now... I see no evidence. MrN 15:20, Mar 24
- Mate, recently the UK and France made public their secret ET research which basically equals disclosure if anyone cares to check. And the Pope says, "ET" - WTF!?? The only thing separating belief and ignorance is official disclosure. And what military will admit they lost control of their airspace, or are working on alien technology which could solve the energy issue, and have a superior adversary? I almost believe that the radio scare of War of the Worlds was an intentional "test" to assess public reaction to disclosure, and now UK and France have opened years of secrets. Is disclosure going to be used by the "Man" to scare us into NWO? That is about the only event which could so-called "unite" humanity against a common ET enemy. I saw such a premise on Twilight Zone when I was a kid. BTW: Rod Serling made a great disclosure movie in 1979 which is very entertaining, the ultimate Rod Serling show is disclosure "IT HAS BEGUN" (great show). I watched the disclosure project, so please watch Rod's presentation. Stay well, bro!--Funnybony 17:10, Mar 24
- Dude. I see a lot of evidence that something is going on, but nothing to convince me that it's extraterrestrial in origin. I have probably watched many hundreds of hours of vids on UFOs, and read loads of books about the subject, and I'm still totally open to be persuaded. I just don't buy that shit would be going down the way it is if it was real aliens. I will take a look at your vid, but can't tonight, but will soon, and will get back to ya. :) MrN 17:23, Mar 24
- Dude. I see a lot of evidence that something is going on, but nothing to convince me that it's extraterrestrial in origin. I have probably watched many hundreds of hours of vids on UFOs, and read loads of books about the subject, and I'm still totally open to be persuaded. I just don't buy that shit would be going down the way it is if it was real aliens. I will take a look at your vid, but can't tonight, but will soon, and will get back to ya. :) MrN
- Mate, recently the UK and France made public their secret ET research which basically equals disclosure if anyone cares to check. And the Pope says, "ET" - WTF!?? The only thing separating belief and ignorance is official disclosure. And what military will admit they lost control of their airspace, or are working on alien technology which could solve the energy issue, and have a superior adversary? I almost believe that the radio scare of War of the Worlds was an intentional "test" to assess public reaction to disclosure, and now UK and France have opened years of secrets. Is disclosure going to be used by the "Man" to scare us into NWO? That is about the only event which could so-called "unite" humanity against a common ET enemy. I saw such a premise on Twilight Zone when I was a kid. BTW: Rod Serling made a great disclosure movie in 1979 which is very entertaining, the ultimate Rod Serling show is disclosure "IT HAS BEGUN" (great show). I watched the disclosure project, so please watch Rod's presentation. Stay well, bro!--Funnybony
- Yeah, mate! "IT HAS BEGUN" is like a 1.5 hour long Twilight Zone "The Movie" show on disclosure. We try to think like the aliens, but do they think like us? Are we able to understand them? Are they hostile? Probably, some. Are they friendly? Yes, some. If they wanted us dead they would already have done it! And it seems that they already have done in the past. Have they been seen on the earth? Thousands of times every years. And if one out of 1000 is real, then ETs are real. Especially ancient ETs, every religion and fable is full of ETs flying around, bringing wisdom, and being treated like gods. People say, Oh I believe the Bible and other stories, but NOT ETs. Jeez!--Funnybony 17:47, Mar 24
- Hea dude. Watched your vid. Always good to check out anything you recommend. :-) Yea, it was interesting to watch, but I'm still looking for something to convince me :) On a totally unrelated note... I just noticed that (I think) you are using that automatic voting thing. I think there is a "?" dropdown button on there somewhere which if you click it allows the auto-voting thing to choose between using ~~~ or ~~~~. I think you have it on 4 but ya want 3, because how you have it now causes your date stamp to appear twice when you vote. Or... It could be aliens. Also I'm still trying to figure out Who built the moon. There is a lot of ancient aliens/artefact stuff which is very interesting... Oh... this might amuse you if you have not seen it before. A lot of what this guy says in his various videos has been (IMO) debunked, but the clip from about 2:07 is interesting. MrN 11:57, Mar 27
- Hea dude. Watched your vid. Always good to check out anything you recommend. :-) Yea, it was interesting to watch, but I'm still looking for something to convince me :) On a totally unrelated note... I just noticed that (I think) you are using that automatic voting thing. I think there is a "?" dropdown button on there somewhere which if you click it allows the auto-voting thing to choose between using ~~~ or ~~~~. I think you have it on 4 but ya want 3, because how you have it now causes your date stamp to appear twice when you vote. Or... It could be aliens. Also I'm still trying to figure out Who built the moon. There is a lot of ancient aliens/artefact stuff which is very interesting... Oh... this might amuse you if you have not seen it before. A lot of what this guy says in his various videos has been (IMO) debunked, but the clip from about 2:07 is interesting. MrN
- The disclosure project is the "best" info on UFO's out there IMO. It's mostly "us" IMO. Project blue beam/various other shit we have, but don't want people to know about... Bill Cooper finally got it right. Just before he was killed... If "they" are here now... I see no evidence. MrN
- Yo dude! I figured out the sig deal you were talking about - Thanks for the advice. Back to ET, the British Government released many top secret UFO files, France, Mexico, everyone is waiting for the USA to remove the "embargo on truth" which came into play the day JFK died. His death was the death of truth in America -- the beginning of the United States of Coverup. In particular the events at Bentwater Airbase in UK are impossible to ignore. I think Disclosure is coming up -- although probably for the wrong reasons. In fact, if science could prove there was no life in all the cosmos except here --- that would be astounding. But to prove there IS other, more advanced life out there is the most easy thing I ever believed. I saw three UFOs in India first hand. And when I pointed them out to an Indian co-witness he shrugged and said it was the demigods visiting earth (like, what else is new?). Nothing is easier than to tell an Indian there are ETs. Hindu scriptures are full of ET stories. Now the only thing between truth and reality is official disclosure. But it is hard for the military to admit that they have lost control of the airspace (and even Nukes switched off). ETs that switch off nukes sound a lot better than humans who switch them on. Cheers, mate!--Funnybony 15:54, Mar 30
- Here's a well-starred thread about the Brentwater spookiness from ATS. Yes, I think it was ghosts, ghosts are the UFO's. Casper in particular. Al 20:25 30-3
- I have difficulty accepting the ET visitor theories, because I have seen so much of the evidence debunked. I also have a lot of trouble believing that the US government have been successful at keeping it quiet - or even the world government, assuming there is one. Given how much gets leaked (Wikileaks, Stealth bomber, Watergate, etc) the US government are about as water tight with secrets as a sieve. There is evidence of ET life (the fossilised worm thingies on Mars, for instance). Intelligence is another quantum leap, and superior technology another leap again. (Not to say it's impossible - quantum leaps in science happen all the time.) But all the same could be said for ghosts, and as a skeptic, I have to admit that I believe in ghosts due to first hand experience. Which pisses me off as it completely screws up my skeptic credibility. Bloody ghosts. Nominally Humane! 11:56 30 Mar
- Puppy, you can't just leave Funnybony and his lurkers hanging. What was your personal ghost experience? Was Casper involved? I've cooked the smores. Al 00:49 31=3
- Oh, nothing that exciting. A semi-translucent baby crawling across the floor of a friends place and crying who I could see, others had in the past, but he couldn't. Scared the crap out of me at the time. But in retrospect it's a pretty dull story - I just saw and heard a baby that wasn't there. Nominally Humane! 02:10 31 Mar
- Nice! Nothing to downplay, that's a good story. I've never had a ghost sighting, it's not one of my "things" on the perception path. My Mom, lots of ghosts, including a boyfriend who died coming to her and telling her he had died and kissing her. One of my sisters does ghosts too, quite a few stories. I am dissapointed it wasn't Casper, though. Al few minutes later
- I didn't get a name. Just crying. It may have been a casper. How do you determine the gender of a baby ghost? Nominally Humane! 02:53 31 Mar
- By looking at its genitals. Mattsnow 03:18, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- By looking at its genitals.
- I didn't get a name. Just crying. It may have been a casper. How do you determine the gender of a baby ghost? Nominally Humane! 02:53 31 Mar
- Nice! Nothing to downplay, that's a good story. I've never had a ghost sighting, it's not one of my "things" on the perception path. My Mom, lots of ghosts, including a boyfriend who died coming to her and telling her he had died and kissing her. One of my sisters does ghosts too, quite a few stories. I am dissapointed it wasn't Casper, though. Al few minutes later
- Oh, nothing that exciting. A semi-translucent baby crawling across the floor of a friends place and crying who I could see, others had in the past, but he couldn't. Scared the crap out of me at the time. But in retrospect it's a pretty dull story - I just saw and heard a baby that wasn't there. Nominally Humane! 02:10 31 Mar
- Puppy, you can't just leave Funnybony and his lurkers hanging. What was your personal ghost experience? Was Casper involved? I've cooked the smores. Al 00:49 31=3
- I have difficulty accepting the ET visitor theories, because I have seen so much of the evidence debunked. I also have a lot of trouble believing that the US government have been successful at keeping it quiet - or even the world government, assuming there is one. Given how much gets leaked (Wikileaks, Stealth bomber, Watergate, etc) the US government are about as water tight with secrets as a sieve. There is evidence of ET life (the fossilised worm thingies on Mars, for instance). Intelligence is another quantum leap, and superior technology another leap again. (Not to say it's impossible - quantum leaps in science happen all the time.) But all the same could be said for ghosts, and as a skeptic, I have to admit that I believe in ghosts due to first hand experience. Which pisses me off as it completely screws up my skeptic credibility. Bloody ghosts. Nominally Humane! 11:56 30 Mar
- Hi Puppy, I've never seen a ghost, although I believe they exist. But I have seen three UFOs in India in about 1971. If you really want to get a better idea then please listen to the evidence. HERE is a good starting point. The evidence such as testimony of very reliable people and photographic archives is massive. And so much information is there. It's hardly a secret. --- BUT, the government still refuses to make official disclosure. Which is kinda understandable for national security, blah blah. So it is official US government disclosure that would prove to every one. And it is getting harder for them to hide as many old timers who were involved are speaking out now, more and more. The Disclosure Project has loads of evidence and is making a concerted effort to get the USA to "fess up". Cheers!--Funnybony 15:12, Mar 31
- The problem with UFOs is that they are exactly that, unidentified. I haven't watched the video yet, but I will at some stage soon (I hope). The professional skeptics do bug me in this area. They look at the evidence and say "well, that is obviously abc", when the issue is that it's not obvious. I'm not going to say definite one way or the other. I an scared that the first encounter with intelligent life may be - or have been - handled by the US military. After all, they are known as people who are not the most sensitive towards cultures and peoples that are outside of their own culture. Nominally Humane! 11:30 31 Mar
- Here's lots and lots of UFO links at ATS, to their "best" pages. Always good to view their pages as a member to bypass the ads and see the stars and flags and things. Aleister 12:36 April Foolishness Day
- HERE is UFO story, Two ETs land in New Mexico and approach an abandoned gas station. One ET pulls out his ray gun and speaks to the gas pump, "Earth man, take us to your leader!!" But the pump says nothing. The other ET warns his friend, "Listen, you better not mess with this Earth man - he looks like a bad ass!" But the first Alien gets pissed off and threatens the pump again. Again the pump says nothing. So the enraged ET fires his ray gun and the pump explodes - blowing the two ETs a mile away. Picking themselves up the first ET is amazed, and asks his pal, "Wow! That earth man really was a bad ass - how did you know?" His friend replies, "I just figured any man who can wrap his dick twice around his shoulder and stick it in his ear has GOT to be a bad ass!"--Funnybony 18:59, Apr 2
- THAT made me laugh. Nominally Humane! 09:17 02 Apr
- That's why the UFO people hide from humans, they have no sense of humour! Thanks for the vote on my UnNews that Mattsnow nommed - by doing so he inspired me to flesh it out and work on it further. UFO'o. Al 23:05 2-4-'12
- THAT made me laugh. Nominally Humane! 09:17 02 Apr
- HERE is UFO story, Two ETs land in New Mexico and approach an abandoned gas station. One ET pulls out his ray gun and speaks to the gas pump, "Earth man, take us to your leader!!" But the pump says nothing. The other ET warns his friend, "Listen, you better not mess with this Earth man - he looks like a bad ass!" But the first Alien gets pissed off and threatens the pump again. Again the pump says nothing. So the enraged ET fires his ray gun and the pump explodes - blowing the two ETs a mile away. Picking themselves up the first ET is amazed, and asks his pal, "Wow! That earth man really was a bad ass - how did you know?" His friend replies, "I just figured any man who can wrap his dick twice around his shoulder and stick it in his ear has GOT to be a bad ass!"--Funnybony
- Here's a well-starred thread about the Brentwater spookiness from ATS. Yes, I think it was ghosts, ghosts are the UFO's. Casper in particular. Al 20:25 30-3
- Wow, they're some smart folks, indeed! Whew!! Thanks, Bro!!!--Funnybony
Thanks for voting[edit source]
Thanks for voting for my article --Uncle J (talk) 23:37, March 24, 2012 (UTC)
The Yardbirds[edit source]
It's a good article FB but is it a feature? One idea I had was Led Zeppelin were formed as a Yardbirds tribute band - they were 'The New Yardbirds' originally to fill in tour dates booked under their old name and carried over with Peter Grant as the manager. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:27, April 1, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost 5 April 2012[edit source]
Now a major monopoly run by Xamralco
April 5th, 2012 • Issue 162 • Xamralco edition
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Xamralco
Hello, fellow Uncyclopedians. It is I, Xamralco, here to tell you that I have temporarily taken over the UnSignpost. However, being as inexperienced as I am, I have no idea how to put an UnSignpost together. Thus, for today, the UnSignpost will be about me, the greatest Uncyclopedian ever! More Xamralco
Look, I know I'm awesome. My mom knows I'm awesome. Even my kindergarten, first grade, and ninth grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, knows I'm awesome. It's just a fact, but I'm all about being fair, so lets see what the people say:
I guess "alright" is now a synonym for "Soooooooooo freakin' awesome." Who knew? Even More Xamralco
I am super, duper rad. I know no one says that anymore, but I'm bringing it back. It is Xamralco who brings back the rad fads. Xamralco will also bring back talking in the third person. Xamralco loves talking in the third person. I sometimes enjoy talking in the first person, but you find talking in the second person far more fulfilling. Still, Xamralco thinks talking in the third person is quite entertaining. Must fill up blank space
Crap, that wasn't enough
How does ChiefjusticeDS make it look so easy? Oh well. Xamralco out! |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||||
9001(bot)
20:34, Apr 5
Funny-bony![edit source]
Hello, how are things? Did magic happen? Since I've "seen" you last I put up a page on that conspiracy-science-weirdo web site, and some of us fought off an hour long attack interspaced with good edits from one or more vandals/users. I put up a forum about it too, because of a thread I started there. Fun and games. Am watching the Masters Golf Tournament now.Aleister 20:39 6-4-'12
- p.s. A favor. If you have any new UnNews can you hold off mainspacing them? My Supreme Court unnews has been the top main page one for several days, and for the past three days it's been ready for feature too. If it goes up later today it will have two pics of Hilary Duff on either side of the page (it's been reversed, and now she'll look out from the page with hands on her hips, check out the pic). Thanks!!!!!!,,,,,!!!
Rick Santorum[edit source]
Hey bro, this is part of a competition that ends on the 10th, all articles will be nominated on vfh then! You can take part in the competition here but stay assured we will nom the article for VFH in due time since it is the rule! Glad you liked it, but you were a little fast on the gun there! :P Mattsnow 23:38, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- I agree that WIP shouldn't be added to {{Recent}}. I would suggest whoever is to blame should be nominated on Ugotm. Nominally Humane! 04:18 07 Apr
Wow Dude[edit source]
That thing above must really have stressed you. I'm sorry about that. I have no idea why it bothered you so much, but anyway, I hope all is cool now. Anyway I kinda should mention that what you did here kinda is not that cool. We don't really have many "rules" and such as you know, especially when its on that users own talk page, but I'm hoping that you agree that it's probably not right to be removing complete comments made by other people, and erasing history! We are not the CIA dude! Anyway, it's all cool now, and I'm sure that those involved in the above discussion will not care anyway, but I'm just... ...well. You know... MrN 00:19, Apr 8
- Bro, deleting someone's nom is plain rude. And it has happened to me several times. I was not at fault. There should be a rule against listing unfinished articles in "recent articles". I was totally insulted. And its that simple. Fix the rules. I'm not broken. Now I will really hesitate to nom anything because it seems like I am the eternal beginner around here where seniority never applies to me. Put your self in my position and see how it feels. When you get your feelings hurt you leave for a year. Thanks for caring and everything is ok now. As soon as the article gets renomed I'll vote for it. Mattsnow is a buddy and I always vote for his work. Stay cool, dude! Cheers!--Funnybony 03:55, Apr 8
- Dude, we don't want to make any new rules unless we really really have to. Absolute rules are bad. Perhaps I should have closed the nomination with a comment explaining things rather than delete the page, but then we would have ended up with 2 nomination pages when actually the first nom page had not actually "failed". As this situation was very rare I just did what I did thinking it to be the best and cleanest way to tidy things up at the time. The fact that you say you were insulted by me doing that sends a nasty chill down my spin. Dude, I love ya! Last thing I wanted to do was upset you, I'm just trying to make shit run as smooth as I can. MrN 09:13, Apr 10
- Dude, we don't want to make any new rules unless we really really have to. Absolute rules are bad. Perhaps I should have closed the nomination with a comment explaining things rather than delete the page, but then we would have ended up with 2 nomination pages when actually the first nom page had not actually "failed". As this situation was very rare I just did what I did thinking it to be the best and cleanest way to tidy things up at the time. The fact that you say you were insulted by me doing that sends a nasty chill down my spin. Dude, I love ya! Last thing I wanted to do was upset you, I'm just trying to make shit run as smooth as I can. MrN
- You are a buddy too, Funnybony, I asked to get it removed from vfh because I said in the forum that all articles that are part of the competitions will be nominated on vfh and the speed at which they get featured will determine the winner, so we have to nominate them all at the same time :P But I understand you didn't know, of course. It's not a big deal at all, my friend! Mattsnow 06:01, April 8, 2012 (UTC)
- I thought we made the rules up as we went along. I know I just had to edit Wikipedia:Uncyclopedia due to our additional 3rd rule. (Assuming no-one there has reverted me yet - talk about being treated as a n00b). But I don't consider you as lacking "seniority" at all. If anything I consider you as one of our most prolific and intelligent editors. And the way your writing has matured since I stumbled across your take on Don Martin is fantastic. As someone who recently had a forum deleted, as well as having a VFH nom deleted about the same time as when I came back here, I appreciate the frustration, but I don't think it was personal in any way at all. I think it was a simple mistake on Xamralco's part that lead you to a similar mistake due to lack of information. But whatever the cause of all that kerfuffle, it definitely wasn't a personal attack on you from anyone's perspective, as far as I can see, and nobody thinks you did anything wrong at all. Nominally Humane! 06:32 08 Apr
- Stress must have played a role. Have you had a stressful incident happen lately, Funnybony? And by the way, you owe me 13,500 in money I sent you. Al
- I thought we made the rules up as we went along. I know I just had to edit Wikipedia:Uncyclopedia due to our additional 3rd rule. (Assuming no-one there has reverted me yet - talk about being treated as a n00b). But I don't consider you as lacking "seniority" at all. If anything I consider you as one of our most prolific and intelligent editors. And the way your writing has matured since I stumbled across your take on Don Martin is fantastic. As someone who recently had a forum deleted, as well as having a VFH nom deleted about the same time as when I came back here, I appreciate the frustration, but I don't think it was personal in any way at all. I think it was a simple mistake on Xamralco's part that lead you to a similar mistake due to lack of information. But whatever the cause of all that kerfuffle, it definitely wasn't a personal attack on you from anyone's perspective, as far as I can see, and nobody thinks you did anything wrong at all. Nominally Humane! 06:32 08 Apr
- Bro, deleting someone's nom is plain rude. And it has happened to me several times. I was not at fault. There should be a rule against listing unfinished articles in "recent articles". I was totally insulted. And its that simple. Fix the rules. I'm not broken. Now I will really hesitate to nom anything because it seems like I am the eternal beginner around here where seniority never applies to me. Put your self in my position and see how it feels. When you get your feelings hurt you leave for a year. Thanks for caring and everything is ok now. As soon as the article gets renomed I'll vote for it. Mattsnow is a buddy and I always vote for his work. Stay cool, dude! Cheers!--Funnybony
Pyramids remind me of candy[edit source]
The Great Pyramid, pi, and the meter. Here's that link to the thread I mentioned. Pyramids! Aleister 14:23 Easter Shunday '12
- Here is the link (I think) the vid linked from there does not work. Who built the moon!?! MrN 09:46, Apr 10
- this is a link to some more info. "The word pyramid is composed of the Greek words pyra meaning fire, light, or visible, and the word midos meaning measures." ... There are also more pyramids in China than there are in Egypt. There are pyramids in Bosnia, and check out the underwater pyramids! MrN 14:35, Apr 10
- Cool stuff, bro. I should be back at my home in a couple days and then can take a better look. Now living out of a suitcase (cheaper than a hotel). I saw a program by European experts who concluded that they could not build the pyramids even today. I visited the Egyption pyramids long ago and each block is like a living room size. And the center of the structure is carved out inside with no signs of tools used - perfect smooth walls. There are also pyramids in many other places (like Vegas). I'm thinking to collect them all and donate to Uncyclopedia - transportation being the only problem ( they're too big for WiFi ). The Egyptions claim an ET race called Ananaki ( spell?) came from space and built them. Jeez! How should the Egyptions know? They're only Egyptions. Hey bro, please send me an email so we get back in touch outside the gaze of the ETs. Cheers mate!--Funnybony 16:16, Apr 10
- Did the Egyptians think that or was that just what Zecharia Sitchin said? A lot of that Anunaki /whatever comes from his translations of the stone tablets. Not sure I buy all that. However, if the Egyptians really did know the speed of light and put the great pyramid there to demonstrate that then WOW. MrN 08:43, Apr 11
- Sorry for the delay, dude. I'm not aware about Zecharia as an only source, but many parts of the very interesting series ANCIENT ALIENS - many parts besides this too speak about the Annanaki as being central to Egyptian history - like common Egyptology. All the series are really good if you have time to watch. Pretty convincing. How are things? Cheers, mate!--Funnybony 01:00, Apr 16
- I will watch the link... Tottaly, Sitchin is not the only person to go on about the Annanaki, but much of what you find out there about them does come from him. From what I can tell someone possibly the Sumerians carved the stone tablets, and the Egyptians found them and believed them, and later we did. Just because someone wrote something on a rock once does not make it true. I have sat through hours of Sitchin stuff, and loads of other Annanaki/Nephilim stuff and it's all the same carp IMO. No actual proof about anything. Dude... You just linked me to a history channel documentary! That's as main stream as it gets! Why don't you try checking out this, this and maybe this. The evidence for a "lost civilisation" is huge, and from what I can tell, that's getting blurred with ancient aliens stuff. God as a space man 5 billion years ago to give us DNA I buy, but not that he was here recently. MrN 01:22, Apr 16
- I will watch the link... Tottaly, Sitchin is not the only person to go on about the Annanaki, but much of what you find out there about them does come from him. From what I can tell someone possibly the Sumerians carved the stone tablets, and the Egyptians found them and believed them, and later we did. Just because someone wrote something on a rock once does not make it true. I have sat through hours of Sitchin stuff, and loads of other Annanaki/Nephilim stuff and it's all the same carp IMO. No actual proof about anything. Dude... You just linked me to a history channel documentary! That's as main stream as it gets! Why don't you try checking out this, this and maybe this. The evidence for a "lost civilisation" is huge, and from what I can tell, that's getting blurred with ancient aliens stuff. God as a space man 5 billion years ago to give us DNA I buy, but not that he was here recently. MrN
- Sorry for the delay, dude. I'm not aware about Zecharia as an only source, but many parts of the very interesting series ANCIENT ALIENS - many parts besides this too speak about the Annanaki as being central to Egyptian history - like common Egyptology. All the series are really good if you have time to watch. Pretty convincing. How are things? Cheers, mate!--Funnybony
- Cool stuff, bro. I should be back at my home in a couple days and then can take a better look. Now living out of a suitcase (cheaper than a hotel). I saw a program by European experts who concluded that they could not build the pyramids even today. I visited the Egyption pyramids long ago and each block is like a living room size. And the center of the structure is carved out inside with no signs of tools used - perfect smooth walls. There are also pyramids in many other places (like Vegas). I'm thinking to collect them all and donate to Uncyclopedia - transportation being the only problem ( they're too big for WiFi ). The Egyptions claim an ET race called Ananaki ( spell?) came from space and built them. Jeez! How should the Egyptions know? They're only Egyptions. Hey bro, please send me an email so we get back in touch outside the gaze of the ETs. Cheers mate!--Funnybony
- this is a link to some more info. "The word pyramid is composed of the Greek words pyra meaning fire, light, or visible, and the word midos meaning measures." ... There are also more pyramids in China than there are in Egypt. There are pyramids in Bosnia, and check out the underwater pyramids! MrN
VFH nom![edit source]
I did some editing on your FED UnNews and then... nommed it! I hope you like the edits, just took out some of the rough spots (Saint Bernanke? Huh?) and some connecting words. It's a very good concept with a unique idea presented in a unique way. Poor Jesus and JFK, two guys who couldn't take a hint from their friends, the bankers. Al 2:40 9-4-'12
- A news item today, Jesse Jackson was calling Jesus an Occupier in December (occupying the manger?), and he used it and the Jesus FED anology in a speech yesterday. Life imitates smart (or, and this is quite likely, I may be Jesse Jackson). Aleist "Keep Hope Alive" er 15:42 10-4-good buddy
UnSignpost - Free Pixels Inside![edit source]
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
Apr 12th, 2012 • Issue 163ish • The newspaper used as insulation by discerning homeless
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Nobody panic. Everything is fine. In a precedented move, USP has handed the reigns over to somebody new in order to ensure it's timely delivery. USP has had a fine tradition of coming out regularly on a weekly basis[citation needed] since it's creation, and the handing of the reigns to In the meantime, the news continues to happen. VFH is in the healthiest state that it has been over the past 7ish years,[citation needed] as we are constantly reminded by the site banner, which is updating as regular as clockwork.[citation needed] The top three features articles of March is proving to be a hotly contested title,[citation needed] and is shaping up to be the first month in history where every article is likely to be in the coveted top position. And we have a strong consensus that there is no need for new admins, however we have a record number of potential admins nominated.[citation needed] Everything is fine. More Stuff
Sadly, I will no longer use the UnSignpost to talk about how great I am. Instead, the UnSignpost will return to its original purpose: Telling you about what's happening on the wonderful website known as Uncyclopedia.[citation needed] As Puppy mentioned before, ChiefjusticeDS has left his position as head editor and In other news, the Great Republican Write-a-thon is coming to a close. If you haven't heard, a Canadian dude and some schmuck who knows nothing about American politics are co-hosting a writing competition that will assess which team of Uncyclopedians can write a better article about a selected 2012 Republican presidential candidate nominee. Strangely, these same two doofuses have also submitted an entry, something which most certainly should have been against the rules. Nevertheless, articles on all four candidates were put up on VFH (which is serving as a judge), though the Mitt Romney article immediately failed since no one bothered to rewrite it (which is mildly entertaining considering he's leading at the moment). And now, some cheese:  No, that wasn't random... Everybody panic. Nothing is fine.
 In an emergency spur-of-the-moment move, the USP has forced the burden of writing it each week onto another innocent soul in order to ruin their lives like so many others.[citation needed] USP has had a fine tradition of not coming out since 1974.[citation needed] USP has decided to hand the blood-stained reigns to In the meantime, the terrible news continues to depress us all. VFH is running as slowly as the plumbing in my house and actually has negative six entries.[citation needed] However, the site banner seems to want to shove lies down our thoats. This is probably on account of the fact that it is only editable by lying, cheating, inbred bastards that can't seem to update the fuckin' thing. The top three featured articles of March is proving to only be winnable if you suck the right person's dick,[citation needed] and is shaping up to be just like all the other months ever: uninteresting. And a record number of people were forced to vote that they want more narcissistic assholes, however not one single person has been nominated, as there are no users left.[citation needed] Nothing is fine. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||||||
--
21:47, April 12, 2012 (UTC)
From your mouth to your ears[edit source]
This linked thread at ats] is starting to go into the exposure of U.S. Navy UFO files and data. I remember what you said last week, and thought this may be of interest. Al 22:25 12-4-'12
India[edit source]
Did you want to have a go at getting some more of the Indian culture into this? Nominally Humane! 10:41 12 Apr
Rick Santorum says, "Thanks for the vote."[edit source]
-- 00:18, April 13, 2012 (UTC)
India for feature[edit source]
Uncyclopedia:VFH/India (complete). And brilliant work! Nominally Humane! 05:52 19 Apr
UnSignpost 19th April 2012[edit source]
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
Apr 19th, 2012 • Issue 102 + 82 • Fuck Xamralco and his deadlines!
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I am an extremely lazy person
 Hello, everybody. It's that guy that you see around here sometimes. I just want to apologize in advance for my unscrupleties and making up of the word "unscrupleties". I should probably redeem myself by covering something important that's happening on the site, like any responsible journalist would, but I'm not responsible or a journalist, so I'll just use this medium to complain about my life instead. I can't believe that slut Barbara broke up with me! We had something great, and she threw it all away for someone that actually "treated her like a person". Pfft! Women and their expectations! I don't even need them! Mrs. Right is all the company I will ever need. Speaking of dumb whores, my English teacher is making us read a book for homework! A book! What the hell is this? The seventeenth century? Nobody reads books anymore, because it's a complete waste of energy. Reading in general is a complete waste of energy. That's why after I write these rants, I never even bother to look over them, becase wy wuld i revew thus stuf whrn i alredy do it prfict the frst tyme? That's all from me! Though you may be wondering how anything I said here was at all useful to the signpost, I hope you can appreciate the lack of blood, sweat, and tears I put into this piece and remember that it's all for the good of Wikipedia. Oh, this isn't Wikipedia? My fucking GPS gave me the wrong directions AGAIN! Goddamn it! Now I'm all pissed. Thanks for reading, whoever you people are. Vote for 2 new
 In March, lots of things happened. Good old admins such as Lyrithya kinda left but she forgot her toothbrush behind so here's hoping we can convince her to come back when she claims it in our lost-and-found department. Meanwhile powerful vandals attacked while we experienced a cannonball shortage, Top-tier articles don't get featured in time, and bad articles don't get excecuted immedately when it has more than 5 votes on VFD, and there are tons to users with potential to become one of our furhers! So for great justice, Vote for our new furhers which will serve our regin and help us defeat fearsome vandals, feature our top-tier articles, and execute worthless articles! The eligible suspects are the following; What are you waiting for? Vote for our 2 new A day in the life of an Uncyclopedian
 As usual, I woke up in my bedroom. Yes, I did the usual: I ate my breakfast, which is Uncyclopedio's with toast, grape juice (I ran out of orange juice yesterday) and a nice cup of coffee. Then I showered and brushed my teeth, but not at the same time. Afterwards I put on my clothes, and headed straight to the Village Dump by the notoriously unreliable service that is the UTA Metro. At the Village Dump, I have a chat with the other fellow Uncyclopedians at a nice cafe called BHOP, where they sell cheerful pancakes with the words emblazoned, "Benson is better than you" on the plates. I saw a large counter in which the people count to a million, one by one. I thought to myself, by the time they reached a million, it would be 2020, or later. I contributed to the counter and... whoa, they'd gotten ahead 2,000 numbers since I'd left! Then I cleverly thought: maybe this forum is just a waste of time and I should try my newly acquired keyboard skills at writing something. After all, what good is it going to do to count to a million? So I decided to contribute to the Unsignpost. I left for work to write a new article for the Uncyclomedia Association (but the sign says "Cylon Ass" on its neon lights), which was a building made of leftover construction materials, concrete, tarpaulin and held with hope. And mostly hope, as about a year ago, the building crumbled killing over 300 people below it. The article was halfway complete from yesterday, so I manage to edit it. Unlike my boss, I can't destroy someone else's document, or put it in a file and call it "top secret". But I can make amends to documents, or even write a newer, better one. There was an IP by the name of 68.343.245.130. He seemed to be a nice guy at least, but his first work was rubbish, so I talked to him on how he can improve it. This had gone for hours, and by the time I had given feedback to at least five IPs, it was the end of my shift. I simply went back home by subway, had a hearty meal, and cried myself to sleep. This has been my routine everyday since. Pee Buddy Awards
 We have so much news in this bumper edition of UnSignpost we may start having to look at extending it to take over UnNews. In a completely unplanned and natural segue, while we are on the topic of UnNews, we have a new competition. Did you know that Uncyclopedia not only writes the news, we read it as well? In fact, to celebrate both of these amazing achievements, we are holding our very first (and possibly last) Pee Buddy Awards. The activity around this is indescribable. This is possibly because this UnSignpost was written before the competition started officially. But get writing and recording today - let's put a voice to the names we know and love. |
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HELP[edit source]
Bhagavad-gita needs to revert and protect. I'm trying to make this article but some unregistered user keeps blanking. Can you revert to my Revision as of 15:18, April 20, 2012 and protect this from vandalism? Thanks!--Funnybony 
15:52, Apr 20
- I've alerted the improper authorities, and left a note on the pages talk page. Since this is a one day article, and you put it on VFH, I'm totally positive that the goddeses and gods of the gita will taken you under their wings - ummmmmmmmmmm, goddesses' wings - and lead you to many more edits and directions before it is featured. They are sending me here now in fact, and promising me lots of good Indian food if I relay this message to you. I will vote for it with that caviar in mind. Al 16:28 4-20 Dude! '12
- HELP! I scratched my balls, but I forgot that I ate some jalapeno immediately prior to it! HEEEEEEEELLLLP!!! Mattsnow 16:38, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
- Put some snow on them, that might help. Can't hurt. Funnybony, this subject is as large as the seven or seven hundred levels that the BG was written for. You know that, and you've made the cosmic mistake of taking it on (hahahahahahahahaha) so you have to do it justice now (hahahahahahahahah heeheeheehee). The trip will be en-light-en-ing. (hahahahahahahahahaha). Aleister (UTC)
- Guys, this is not a one day article. It is a three years of work article. It was the Bhagavad Gita section of ISKCON, which is the only good part. And it fills the needs for an empty article about which I know mucho for longo. It's ready to vote for. No rush job here and I have nothing more to offer on this because nothing else is funny about it Really! Cheers!--Funnybony 16:48, Apr 20
- Admins are never there when we need them, that's for sure. India was a great article, great job, but I just scratched my balls again after handling some Indian spices. HEEEEEEELLPP! Call the firemen!!! Mattsnow 16:50, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
- Guys, don't confuse Bhagavad-gita with The Mahabharat. The Mahabharat is the whole story of the history of the Kurukshetra War in 100,000 Sanskrit verses. But the Gita is only 18 small chapters from the Bhisma-parva section of the Mahabharata. Just a conversation. Not much story to it. And a lot of philosophy which is unfunny. I started this 3 years back but it was always part of Iskcon. It stands on its own. Cheers!--Funnybony 17:03, Apr 20
- I confuse everything with The Mahabharat, even the TV Guide. It's a hell of a way to live, but there you go. A good page, made me laugh and smile the if I were a woman I'd squirt, all in the name of love. Geese! Al 17:07 TCU
- I thought you would like it because of the careful editing and the humor known to baby boomers, which is the era when the Gita got popular in the West. But Mahabharat is a huge subject that you and I could spork from Wikipedia and make a giant article way bigger than Dempsey and India combined. And with a story worth a million laughs. Are you up for that, bro?--Funnybony 17:17, Apr 20
- Nah, too much war imagery, and that all goes to the war of the individual with his/her/its emotions, habit patterns, preconcieved ideas, the whole ball of tacks. Gita would have been the place for all of that in a funny telling, although if we only work on that angle and tie the book/ode into that, sure. I'm not into doing an entire wiki spork on this one, although portions could be tweaked into that stuff. Tantra came about when an Indian guy thought we were wikipedia and left a serious article, and we did goooood on that one. Dempsey sits in a class by itself. This one, I'm not so sure, but if you start it off I'll jump on although we may clash atop elephants on specific edits and approachs, with Krishna whispering in both our ears and laughing at the destructions and enlightenments brought about by becoming warrior writers. Aleister 4-20 UTC
- And why do you want to do a page on a TV series? Aleister 17:47 20-4-'12
- Nah, too much war imagery, and that all goes to the war of the individual with his/her/its emotions, habit patterns, preconcieved ideas, the whole ball of tacks. Gita would have been the place for all of that in a funny telling, although if we only work on that angle and tie the book/ode into that, sure. I'm not into doing an entire wiki spork on this one, although portions could be tweaked into that stuff. Tantra came about when an Indian guy thought we were wikipedia and left a serious article, and we did goooood on that one. Dempsey sits in a class by itself. This one, I'm not so sure, but if you start it off I'll jump on although we may clash atop elephants on specific edits and approachs, with Krishna whispering in both our ears and laughing at the destructions and enlightenments brought about by becoming warrior writers. Aleister 4-20 UTC
- I thought you would like it because of the careful editing and the humor known to baby boomers, which is the era when the Gita got popular in the West. But Mahabharat is a huge subject that you and I could spork from Wikipedia and make a giant article way bigger than Dempsey and India combined. And with a story worth a million laughs. Are you up for that, bro?--Funnybony
- I confuse everything with The Mahabharat, even the TV Guide. It's a hell of a way to live, but there you go. A good page, made me laugh and smile the if I were a woman I'd squirt, all in the name of love. Geese! Al 17:07 TCU
- Guys, don't confuse Bhagavad-gita with The Mahabharat. The Mahabharat is the whole story of the history of the Kurukshetra War in 100,000 Sanskrit verses. But the Gita is only 18 small chapters from the Bhisma-parva section of the Mahabharata. Just a conversation. Not much story to it. And a lot of philosophy which is unfunny. I started this 3 years back but it was always part of Iskcon. It stands on its own. Cheers!--Funnybony
- Admins are never there when we need them, that's for sure. India was a great article, great job, but I just scratched my balls again after handling some Indian spices. HEEEEEEELLPP! Call the firemen!!!
- Guys, this is not a one day article. It is a three years of work article. It was the Bhagavad Gita section of ISKCON, which is the only good part. And it fills the needs for an empty article about which I know mucho for longo. It's ready to vote for. No rush job here and I have nothing more to offer on this because nothing else is funny about it Really! Cheers!--Funnybony
- Put some snow on them, that might help. Can't hurt. Funnybony, this subject is as large as the seven or seven hundred levels that the BG was written for. You know that, and you've made the cosmic mistake of taking it on (hahahahahahahahaha) so you have to do it justice now (hahahahahahahahah heeheeheehee). The trip will be en-light-en-ing. (hahahahahahahahahaha). Aleister (UTC)
- HELP! I scratched my balls, but I forgot that I ate some jalapeno immediately prior to it! HEEEEEEEELLLLP!!!
MrN - UFA (Unidentified Flying Admin)[edit source]
Thanks for locking Bhagavad-gita, which was attacked faster than expected. Must have touched a nerve. Man, I sure am glad you're back - seriously with a cherry on top. Dude, about the UFOs, it stands to reason if an angelic or superior alien race created humanity, as the Annanaki and Hopi claim, then why would they not return to check out the handiwork? It's not for any shortage of sightings (as I have 1st hand). All religions worship and claim connection to angels, star people, gods or GOD, and all describe UFOs. They are only "Unidentified" until the main stream media says otherwise. You mentioned, "Main Stream", and you are right, because it is only the main stream media official government of USA "Disclosure" which would immediately make everyone believers. So the main stream is the most important. The physical evidence is overwhelming. And the attempt to discredit believers is also over the top illogical, and reeks of cover up. Disclosure is coming. Hey, how about you and I doing an article on DISCLOSURE PROJECT together? How about Lord Monckton is appointed by Obama and Cameron to make the official disclosure on mega global broadcast. Disclosure will be the greatest event in human history. And it could be interesting what we might learn. Stay well, dude!--Funnybony 19:12, Apr 20
- Hea dude. All I can say is that I have spent a heck of a lot of time in the last 3 years looking for overwhelming evidence and I have not been able to find it. Seriously, I have probably watched thousands of hours of videos, read 5 or 6 books, and read shed loads of forums and articles on the subject. I have seen overwhelming evidence that something is up there flying around. Hell yes. Something is up there. There are way too many credible witnesses for a reasonable person to discount. I have watched ALL of the disclosure projects various presentations over the years and have watched every interview with Steven M. Greer that I can find. However... I just don't buy that whatever it is is Alien. I have also spent a lot of time looking at the ancient aliens artefact stuff, and that convinces me that we were more advanced in the past than we currently think, but still that's not convincing me that Aliens have recently messed with our DNA. When I look at how the stone age evolved into the bronze age, and iron age, and look at the old methods of smelting iron I think... Yea, that's how it happened. We could have figured that out ourselves and did not need aliens to help teach us. When I look at something like this I think... Hmm.. Someone is trying to convince me of something, but they NEVER actually have that evidence which proves something more. To me, it's all about hiding advanced technology, and trying to convince us into a one world government under this new "threat". This explains the Norway spiral, and project "Blue Beam" does appear to be a real thing. IMO various governments are trying to convince us that UFOs are coming, and most of what we are seeing is coming from that. Maybe there are some real aliens up their flying around also, but I'm not buying it. As always I'm totally open to watch/read anything which you might suggest as I'm always open to new ideas. As for us doing an article on DISCLOSURE PROJECT, I'm not sure how that might work as we have different ideas about what it's all about. I guess if we agreed a concept upfront we might be able to do it. Rather than creating a new article, there are also loads of other articles on similar subjects which need sorting out and we could do. Nice work with India btw! MrN 13:20, Apr 21
- Ancient Aliens is interesting, and MrN's take has a lot of validity. I once watched a show that tried to replicate feats of the past, using the technology of the time. One of these was watering a stepped garden in a desert where the well was at the base. Despite having "technical" drawings of the screw mechanism they used, they still couldn't work out how they got the water uphill. And what was the purpose of the earthenware batteries? More history is lost than has ever been recorded. Nominally Humane! 01:36 21 Apr
More cool stuff
- MrN9000 recommends William (Bill) Cooper.
Bill Cooper.
Here is the thing which worries me... All the US government needs to do is say "Yes! It's all true! UFO's are real". They don't actually need to do anything more than that. ...and then? Well the whole UFO community is validated and they will then convince the rest of the non believing world who will have to accept. That's most religion smashed. National borders will become pointless, and control of the planet will be switched to those who (apparently) have interaction with the UFOs. Sounds like a familiar agenda that. No? In his early days Bill Cooper was a total believer in UFO's. The dude saw a huge one fly out of the sea in front of him! But... Later in his life he (IMO) figured it out.
For other (light) listing pleasures MrN9000 also recommends "William Cooper - Mystery Babylon Series". It was a radio broadcast and has 30 parts or something.
William Cooper - Mystery Babylon Series.
Dude is worth checking out. Like I said he changed his mind about UFO's during his life and that's reflected in what he says about them at different times. MrN 11:26, Apr 23
- Will, do! Thank, dude! I do believe a type of disclosure is coming in our life time, maybe even in the next few years, but for the wrong REASON. False flag alien attack is the perfect globalist solution in one go. Then the Military Complex will rule Earth. And if you want to drive your crash proof car, you must first get government permission to go where you want to go, and be tracked all the time with an ID chip. My poor kid already hears all this stuff from me, just the opposite of what I was taught, "government is GOOD". I'll get back to you after watching Cooper. Cheers!--Funnybony 11:42, Apr 23
- Will, do! Thank, dude! I do believe a type of disclosure is coming in our life time, maybe even in the next few years, but for the wrong REASON. False flag alien attack is the perfect globalist solution in one go. Then the Military Complex will rule Earth. And if you want to drive your crash proof car, you must first get government permission to go where you want to go, and be tracked all the time with an ID chip. My poor kid already hears all this stuff from me, just the opposite of what I was taught, "government is GOOD". I'll get back to you after watching Cooper. Cheers!--Funnybony
here is what we need.
Man.[edit source]
I love going through the new images list and seeing the awesome psychedelic images you upload. That's all I wanted to say : ) -RAHB 19:52, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
- Hey, bro! Glad you like them. How about this one uploaded only for you. Speaking of psychedelic what about the Yardbirds today. They started it all (Shapes of Things) with musical noise (I'm a Man). Hope you're keeping it up, mate. Cheers!--Funnybony 20:45, Apr 20
and another
- Very groovy, man. Only recently read your Psychedelic music article and I thought it was extremely awesome. And a good job with The Yardbirds as well. At the moment I am keeping up the psych rock, now we've got a drummer who's really beating the skins nicely for us. Now we just need to take a page out of your book and relocate from Riverside to London : ) -RAHB 21:59, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
- You go to UK and you’ll be the only American band in town! After moving to London we immediately liked the sound of this UK band, but in spite of such great sound they didn’t have many good songs and had no influence on the USA scene. This song is a rare classic. Its the early UK metal sound which is so awesome. One of the best riffs ever.
- Very groovy, man. Only recently read your Psychedelic music article and I thought it was extremely awesome. And a good job with The Yardbirds as well. At the moment I am keeping up the psych rock, now we've got a drummer who's really beating the skins nicely for us. Now we just need to take a page out of your book and relocate from Riverside to London : ) -RAHB 21:59, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
Creation with Eddie Phillips on guitar from 1966
04:37, Apr 21
- Hah, very awesome! I actually recognize that intro riff from some advert that was running here in America for a little while that was using it. Good to find out where it's from. I've been trying to find that early UK kind of guitar tone lately. I've come about as close as can be with a nice newer model of tube amplifier I came across recently, but they just don't make em like they used to. That sound is the sound of a generation of real innovators making their mark. As for London, probably couldn't afford it anyway, but maybe Seattle if all goes well : ) -RAHB 07:06, April 21, 2012 (UTC)
- My musical skills are near non-existant, but I know a little about acoustic electronics having worked making speaker boxes and amps for a few years. The electronics in those older style of amps still exist, and a lot of the "early sounds" came from people who pulled apart and put their amps back together. It may be worth grabbing some old wiring diagrams and speaker designs and seeing what you can do building your own electronics if you want something original. Breaking the mould oftens means pulling it down to the fundamentals and then putting it together slightly differently and seeing what happens. Nominally Humane! 08:53 21 Apr
- Yeah, luckily the amplifier I got recently is a highly modifiable sort. My other guitarist friend got one as well and he's already rewired the damn thing fifteen times over, but I'm nowhere near skilled enough at that sort of thing to take off into that realm just yet. As far as doing something original, I can usually get that to be done with the music itself, but I'm just finicky when it comes to tone. I'm sure I'll get something worked out with it though. As is it's got a pretty versatile sound, and the amp and speakers are both "British-voiced." Does sound feasible to get that jangly 60s psych sound out of some modification to it though. I might try adding a cleaner pre-amp tube in one of the three slots currently taken by highly distorted ones at the moment too (at least that I know how to do without fucking anything up). -RAHB 11:59, April 21, 2012 (UTC)
- I think of Buddy Holly, amazingly, recording in his garage, finding the noise that he was really liking in one of their jam sessions was a cricket behind one of the walls singing along with them. Nominally Humane! 12:49 21 Apr
- Yeah, luckily the amplifier I got recently is a highly modifiable sort. My other guitarist friend got one as well and he's already rewired the damn thing fifteen times over, but I'm nowhere near skilled enough at that sort of thing to take off into that realm just yet. As far as doing something original, I can usually get that to be done with the music itself, but I'm just finicky when it comes to tone. I'm sure I'll get something worked out with it though. As is it's got a pretty versatile sound, and the amp and speakers are both "British-voiced." Does sound feasible to get that jangly 60s psych sound out of some modification to it though. I might try adding a cleaner pre-amp tube in one of the three slots currently taken by highly distorted ones at the moment too (at least that I know how to do without fucking anything up). -RAHB 11:59, April 21, 2012 (UTC)
- My musical skills are near non-existant, but I know a little about acoustic electronics having worked making speaker boxes and amps for a few years. The electronics in those older style of amps still exist, and a lot of the "early sounds" came from people who pulled apart and put their amps back together. It may be worth grabbing some old wiring diagrams and speaker designs and seeing what you can do building your own electronics if you want something original. Breaking the mould oftens means pulling it down to the fundamentals and then putting it together slightly differently and seeing what happens. Nominally Humane! 08:53 21 Apr
- Hah, very awesome! I actually recognize that intro riff from some advert that was running here in America for a little while that was using it. Good to find out where it's from. I've been trying to find that early UK kind of guitar tone lately. I've come about as close as can be with a nice newer model of tube amplifier I came across recently, but they just don't make em like they used to. That sound is the sound of a generation of real innovators making their mark. As for London, probably couldn't afford it anyway, but maybe Seattle if all goes well : ) -RAHB 07:06, April 21, 2012 (UTC)
Innovation Inc.[edit source]
For us it was the Beck era Yardbirds, particularly drumming of Jim McCarty which broke many pop and blues rules, and the guitar work of Beck using a "shatter box". Such gems as Shapes of Things with the military beat and double time solo beat, with beck overdubbing two parts feedback, and Keith Relf singing like he really really meant it -- original meaningful psychedelic pop song, with the final power cord ending the solo as a spine chilling twainggggggggg by Beck that woke up even Hendrix. Jeff Beck perfected distortion. Psychedelic to us meant noise with answers. First it was Blues, "My momma done left me! How how!!" which was complaining music. Psychedelic was answer music, like the anti war Shapes of Things. And don't forget the power-switch being flipped on and off on the guitar at the very end. Keeping this in mind check out this innovation filled master piece of sounds and recording...
Jeff Beck Yardbirds max out innovation.
12:59, Apr 21
A new section[edit source]
has been added to Tantra, the section on unicorns right near the bottom. Herb induced and somewhat polished, (I'll go back and look at it now and later). What do you think? Please remove, edit, play with, anything/everything in it, and by co-editing we'll get it right. I don't have video hooked up on this computer, so I can't watch the interesting stuff you post. But I did see those great psychedlic pics you uploaded before for RAJB, they were perfect. I have to go look at the one with 3-D glasses now, see what that looks like. Thanks,,,,,,!!! Al 16:25 21-4 (U&TC)
- ps. the 3d image, including colours leaking into colours, I had no idea it contained so much information. Longer I look at it the more "what's actually happening" in the picture emerges from the picture. I guess that's the psychedlic effect of the image. Not bad at all, good work by whoever did this and thanks for uploading it so we have a chance to see it.
- That 3-d mandala was created by Colin Jury -- brilliant.--Funnybony 17:20, Apr 21
- Give him my thanks if you know him or see him. Did you read the rest of the post above? Al 18:00 21-4-'12
- Bro, I'll send you a link on Colin by email. He goes way back. I know him since the 60s. Colin even made an album with George Harrison back in 1969 that was top 10 in UK and was on Top of the Pops, etc. He's an old "godbrother" of ours. But, seriously, you really must use 3-D glasses to view his art - essential.
- Give him my thanks if you know him or see him. Did you read the rest of the post above? Al 18:00 21-4-'12
- That 3-d mandala was created by Colin Jury -- brilliant.--Funnybony
India is featured! And 30![edit source]
Lets get it straight on Boxing and friendship (Eddie plays three parts in this classic)
And I know I've already said it but I'll say it again - fantastic work bro. And you've nearly overtaken me on HoS as well! And how far are you from your 500th article? Dude, it's fucking awesome work! Nominally Humane! 01:20 22 Apr
- May I second Puppy's congrats and sentiments. A nice ride. And your 500th should be a thing to behold. Al 14:38 22-4-'12
- GREAT, mate! That was as much a vote in favor of cooperation and friendship as anything else. We did a really good collab. I think I'm going to focus more on cooperation from now on. Its great doing collabs, and I'd rather have a half point any day. Don't be concerned with me on HOS, just keep your eyes on our bud, Aleister. He'll be heavyweight champ in a few more weeks. Then we'll have to create a Wikipedia article about him as the Uncyclopedia world champ. Lets do more collabs. Cheers--Funnybony 15:24, Apr 22
- GREAT, mate! That was as much a vote in favor of cooperation and friendship as anything else. We did a really good collab. I think I'm going to focus more on cooperation from now on. Its great doing collabs, and I'd rather have a half point any day. Don't be concerned with me on HOS, just keep your eyes on our bud, Aleister. He'll be heavyweight champ in a few more weeks. Then we'll have to create a Wikipedia article about him as the Uncyclopedia world champ. Lets do more collabs. Cheers--Funnybony
UnSignpost Apr 26th 2012[edit source]
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
Apr 26th, 2012 • Issue 165 • In a state of total chaos since March 8th!
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VFS Excitement!
 Hah! You thought you were rid of me didn't you? Thought you'd be rid of old Chief like you were rid of Mordillo?? Well I have news for all of you, which is exactly why I'm writing this story, because I have news for you! Those of you who have spent the last month wearing buckets on your heads will undoubtedly be unaware that there is a VFS going on on the VFS page, where the VFS happens! It would seem Uncyclopedia's demand for administrators is only eclipsed by its demand for Frosty to stop going on about wanting more administrators. The VFS is now in its final stage and the admins are all voting on they would most like to not unsee as an administrator next month. Leading the pack at the moment, with a whopping four votes, is EMC, running on the ever popular "Oh go on, please, after all it is a lovely day" ticket. Hot on EMC's heels is PuppyOnTheRadio, whose voting section is filled with discourse about how unhelpful and blunt he is, mostly from Lyrithya the head of Uncyclopedia's "Never Forgetting, Never Forgiving department". With the qualities she describes the UnSignpost confidently forecasts that Puppy will claim adminship and bring his sunny disposition along with him. Dragging his heels in third position is Frosty, who has three for votes, one oppose vote, one haddock vote and a pencil drawing of a windmill. We are guessing that he is in third, since nobody really knows. Assuming that haddock votes are similar to oppose votes and assuming that oppose votes are like against votes one can deduce that he is on a score of one, however should the judges decide the windmill is worth ten Salmon votes, there could still be all to play for. Frosty is also an administrator at Encyclopedia Dramatica, the wiki which proves you don't need to be able to spell Encyclopaedia in order to start one. Perhaps they are mocking the correct spelling. But we digress, it is evident that Frosty's entire persona on this wiki s a mere front for a plot! We have clearly uncovered a dastardly scheme to destroy Uncyclopedia, especially with the damning evidence presented by MrN9000 "23,450 edits maintained over a period of longer than a year all just to stage 1 days fun". He's disgusted and you should be too. Frosty, if that is his real name, was clearly dead set on not having his true intentions revealed. People of Uncyclopedia, the UnSignpost urges you to seize your torches and pitchforks; we shall burn and stab the demons out of him! Bringing up the rear in this race are Oliphaunte and Xamralco with no votes each despite everyone agreeing that they are splendid fellows, everyone except Lyrithya that is. VFS concludes at midnight on the 30th when the successful candidates will be inducted into the order and the unsuccessful candidates go back to having real lives. How exciting. Happy Thursday! Even more VFS Excitement! (The VFS Derby)
The horses have been chosen and the judge shoots his big giant black gun. POW, they're off. The Aussies take the lead thanks to RAHB while EMC inches ahead with the support of the zombie faction. Its a three way lead until...look...EMC and Frosty are ahead due to...who is that guy? Tom Mayfair? Seriously, who is he? Suddenly, Xamralco is....he...he is still in the same place... due to "support" from Lyrithya. MrN throws in all his votes. WHAT A RACE! Puppy inches ahead and now...look...another impossible to interpret move. EMC will stay where he is with a "neutral" vote by Lyrithya. Could this be any more exciting? And the first casualty, Frosty breaks his leg and falls back due to a very long block of explanation but he keeps going. Gosh that trooper!  And...whats that...Chief makes an actual decision sending Puppy ahead. What's next!?!? And now...a total of four horses are..."supported" by Lyrithya...keeping them in the exact same place they were before! Followed by a giant monumental block with links and references shatters Puppy's leg...and he lags behind, can he keep going? Hey...a score fix. Puppy is ahead after all...thanks TKF for the correction! Lyrithya withdraws her "support" for Oliphaunte...meaning he no longer stays where he is...but instead...stays where he is! Remarkable. What a frenzy. Now an exchange between TKF and Lyrithya...resulting in...no change at all...and the fans are waiting for anything...any result at all. The Australians in the lead while the others are content with "support", "neutural" votes or "neutural support"! BF takes a stand and EMC shoots ahead that strong buck he is! TKF calls fowl on Mr.N and the judges decide that "no one cares". Romartus injects EMC with steroids pushing him ahead while he breaks Frosty's other leg due to a shocking "conflict of interest" scandal. Who saw that coming? Anything goes in the VFS derby! Now its bedlam...some punch the wind out of horses by withdrawing their "for"s or break horses leg by changing to "against". What a 360º. Horses fall left, right, centre while everyone tries to figure out what everyone else is doing. How intense! Not since the VFS derby of 2011 have we seen this scale of flip flopping! And now Zombie decides to hold onto his crowbar so he can break a horses leg if he threatens his favourite candidate. Others give horses a push ahead while others throw grenades strategically at other horses. It seems everyone is playing a game of chicken...waiting to see what the other person does. We are heading towards the final run, a grand all out cage fight. The two horses with the least broken bones crawling towards the end. Tune in next week to see if any of these horses cross the line before dying of internal injuries. Will someone make an actual decision in the next day or two! Keep your eyes posted! |
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MrN[edit source]
Thanks for that note on my Wikipedia user page, dude. But how do I make that template work? Cheers!--Funnybony 10:58, Apr 26
- You just put it onto your user page. I just did it for you. MrN 11:09, Apr 26
- Sorted now. Anyway, I got another two vids to add to your watch sometime if you get the chance list. You know, some people might think that a guy who just wrote an article called Who Built The Moon trying to convince a guy who wrote UnNews:Alien denies Al Gore threat they plan to enforce carbon tax about anything is kinda funny. Some people. What I do know is that um... Um. Actually I'm not sure. MrN 19:34, Apr 26
- Well, dude, its a mad world, but somebody has to do it. Why not us? I'll watch those tomorrow. But I wonder about whats-his-name saying he doesn't believe in aliens, but he does believe in government cover-up (of what?) and reverse engineering alien tech (from where)? Also I heard Edgar Mitchell of Apollo talking with Larry King and he said, his top guy, and Presidents Carter, Clinton, Bust Sr and Regan had all be told "No: when they asked for the UFO files.---I told my son that who ever said NO to the president are the real rulers of the world. BTW: thanks for he Wikipedia template. Is there a Wikipedia template to put on my user page here too? Hey, it's my birthday today! Stay well.--Funnybony 20:17, Apr 26
- Well, dude, its a mad world, but somebody has to do it. Why not us? I'll watch those tomorrow. But I wonder about whats-his-name saying he doesn't believe in aliens, but he does believe in government cover-up (of what?) and reverse engineering alien tech (from where)? Also I heard Edgar Mitchell of Apollo talking with Larry King and he said, his top guy, and Presidents Carter, Clinton, Bust Sr and Regan had all be told "No: when they asked for the UFO files.---I told my son that who ever said NO to the president are the real rulers of the world. BTW: thanks for he Wikipedia template. Is there a Wikipedia template to put on my user page here too? Hey, it's my birthday today! Stay well.--Funnybony
- Sorted now. Anyway, I got another two vids to add to your watch sometime if you get the chance list. You know, some people might think that a guy who just wrote an article called Who Built The Moon trying to convince a guy who wrote UnNews:Alien denies Al Gore threat they plan to enforce carbon tax about anything is kinda funny. Some people. What I do know is that um... Um. Actually I'm not sure. MrN
Wow!
Awesome dude! Another year older, and wiser. I trust that you are having an awesome day...
The thing you have to remember with Cooper is that he changed his mind about UFOs. In his early stuff he believes it's real aliens, but in his later stuff he claims that the whole thing is a set up. If you listen to those 2 vids I just post he talks about a lot of interesting things. You said "but he does believe in government cover-up (of what?) and reverse engineering alien tech (from where)? " Bill cooper would say they have hidden tech, but it's all man made. Maybe even tech which would reduce the level of control they now have. To me looking at stuff like this and maybe this convinces me that dudes a long time ago figured out a lot of stuff which we are only today learning again, or possibly was hidden deliberately. I can't explain why, what, who, or whatever, but I don't need aliens to have (recently) messed with our DNA to explain what's going on. Why would Reagan say what he said or do what he did? Because he was told to by a banker. Same reason any politician ever did anything. ;-) ... For the Wikipedia template, I just had a little look around and we have {{WikipedianUser}} so mine would be {{WikipedianUser|MrN9000}} to make it link to the right page. Stick it on your user page if you want everyone to know! MrN 20:36, Apr 26
Happy Birthday[edit source]
I made you a cake, but I got hungry. Nominally Humane! 09:57 26 Apr
(User rights log); 23:46 . . Zombiebaron (talk | contribs | block) changed group membership for User:Funnybony from (none) to Rollback (Congratulations you now have rollbacks)
I asked ZB to give you that extra button which you might notice you now have in a few places! It's only really meant to be used for vandalism, but it's also useful for other stuff as it will quickly undo all the last edits made by the most recent person to edit a page. The only trouble is that if you use it, it does not allow you to include a summary, but sometimes you don't need one. Anyway... It's handy, so enjoy! MrN 23:54, Apr 26
- Hello hello hello, and Happiest of Birthdays to you. A birthday song for you. lol about the button MrN got for you as a birthday gift, they don't know that you've never looked at or used Recent changes (unless you have since we've talked about it). Happiest day every day! Al 00:02 27-4-'12
- Is it you real birthday? Anyway, Happy birthday! My first anniversary on Uncyclopedia has been ignored, I'm about to jump from a bridge. Mattsnow 00:05, April 27, 2012 (UTC)
- Is it you real birthday? Anyway, Happy birthday! My first anniversary on Uncyclopedia has been ignored, I'm about to jump from a bridge.
Hey![edit source]
Put you UnNews in the Pee Buddy contest bro! The link is atop the screen! Mattsnow 19:10, April 29, 2012 (UTC)
Arise[edit source]
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Uncyclopedian of the Month April 2012 |
Sir Funnybony. --ChiefjusticeGameCube 12:16, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
--YAY!!! Much appreciated. Thank you all. Cheers!--Funnybony 12:22, May 1
- And I remember when you started here. Gosh am I old. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 05:28, May 3, 2012 (UTC)
Thanks[edit source]
...for voting on Today's Feature! I really appreciate it and hope to produce more funny stuff in the future! --
This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 00:00, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
I would like to bring your attention to this forum[edit source]
Forum:Vote to De-Op Lyrithya Nominally Humane! 03:20 07 May
Congrats[edit source]
logged-on for a little look-see for a change. You seem to be on a bit of a roll!
I'll get back to our little project in a week or two, when the dust in my mind has settled down a little bit and I can come at it fresh again. I'll send something approaching a finished draft sometime in june, with luck. --Sog1970 (talk) 14:16, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
Hello, and wha?[edit source]
Hello, and wha? Why are you giving me half-credit for your Fed/Jesus/Ben B. page? All I did was edit somewhat, which is editing not writing. So please take full (faith and) credit where credit is due. You did a great page there, and I'm glad it got featured. I know you don't look at recent changes, so have you heard/seen/read all the stuff about Puppy and how he was infibanned and is gone gone gone from the site? Yesterday was probably the saddest and stupidest day in uncy history because of that and the utterly stupid circumstances on lots of people's part which caused it. Stupid multiplied by three. Considering the value Puppy brings to the site, make that three squared. Aleister 10:44 9-5-'12
- Thanks, bro! You did more than edit -- you made it FA worthy. It was a pleasure giving you that half point and raising your tally to 62 -- don't rob me of my pleasure. Learn to live with success, bro! Hey, I'm really sorry about Puppy, and I sure hope he can get some personal stuff done and then come back fresh. When I took a break I added articles to Wikipedia, and also revamped and expanded my PGA website and AGT website in a big way. So its good to take a break sometimes. Now Puppy is gone BUUUUUT MrN is back: Yin/Yang. BTW: Don't you think it is about time for us to collab on Baby Boomers? Its half done. Please help with that - it will be fun. Cheers!--Funnybony 11:49, May 9
- Thank you. That was a totally unexpected half-credit, and as always it was a pleasure working on one of your fine articles. Ah, Puppy isn't taking a break, he was infinity-banned. He's gone, no more Puppy, he's just sleeping, he's a dead parrot. But yes, MrN is back, and has been kicking the butts of writing and work since he came back here. And I'll take a look at baby boomers later, and will explore your websites again. Things a poppin'! "Al" 12:21 9-5-'12
- Aye, you've done well on boomers. When you are done I'll be glad to give it a once over, but I will not take collab credit for you have shaped up a fine page there. MrN seems to be back again, so we must redouble our efforts to chase him away. More later. A' 20:05 14-5-'12
- If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine! Also, I'm going to be concentrating loads more on writing than on sysop stuff for a while now so I'm editing with MrN8999 rather than MrN9000 to remove the temptation. Anyway, I should probably have a look at whatever it is you guys are editing. :-) MrN (talk to me) 17:10, May 15
- If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine! Also, I'm going to be concentrating loads more on writing than on sysop stuff for a while now so I'm editing with MrN8999 rather than MrN9000 to remove the temptation. Anyway, I should probably have a look at whatever it is you guys are editing. :-) MrN
- Aye, you've done well on boomers. When you are done I'll be glad to give it a once over, but I will not take collab credit for you have shaped up a fine page there. MrN seems to be back again, so we must redouble our efforts to chase him away. More later. A' 20:05 14-5-'12
- Hey, bro! I put a Construction tag on Baby boomers. And added two new sections on the two types of boomers, hip and unhip, and here you can add all the details. It should be a collab -- and I'm sure you'll write some funny stuff. Please go for it, mate!--Funnybony 09:01, May 15
- Thank you. That was a totally unexpected half-credit, and as always it was a pleasure working on one of your fine articles. Ah, Puppy isn't taking a break, he was infinity-banned. He's gone, no more Puppy, he's just sleeping, he's a dead parrot. But yes, MrN is back, and has been kicking the butts of writing and work since he came back here. And I'll take a look at baby boomers later, and will explore your websites again. Things a poppin'! "Al" 12:21 9-5-'12
- Thanks, bro! You did more than edit -- you made it FA worthy. It was a pleasure giving you that half point and raising your tally to 62 -- don't rob me of my pleasure. Learn to live with success, bro! Hey, I'm really sorry about Puppy, and I sure hope he can get some personal stuff done and then come back fresh. When I took a break I added articles to Wikipedia, and also revamped and expanded my PGA website and AGT website in a big way. So its good to take a break sometimes. Now Puppy is gone BUUUUUT MrN is back: Yin/Yang. BTW: Don't you think it is about time for us to collab on Baby Boomers? Its half done. Please help with that - it will be fun. Cheers!--Funnybony
UnNews:Pope urges Church to reflect on abuse[edit source]
I added a little something to it and voted for. Hope it's OK with you! Mattsnow 21:10, May 17, 2012 (UTC)
Hey! GOOD ONE, BRO! Always welcome. And thanks for the vote! Man, all of a sudden Uncyclopedia has a religious conscience? I suggesting that the monks are better off spanking the monkey than raping the kids. I would never suggest child molestation - in spite of it being a rampant fact in the Church. Go figure!--Funnybony 21:35, May 17
- There is ample room here for more articles and pics on the catholic abuse scandal. It never got old for them, so it should never be a controversial topic to satirize - it begs for more satire. There is nothing lower than a paedophilic authority figure, except for his bosses who know about it. Aleister 17:24 18-5-'12
Desiree has been shredding on guitar since age 13, now she is 16[edit source]
Fretboards On Fire by 16 years young Desiree' Bassett.
Move over, Justin! Hey hey!!--Funnybony 16:01, May 18
Hitler's rage[edit source]
Take a Look at this UnScript I just crafted from a Bunch of YouTube Videos. Can you tell me What you think about it? --
00:37, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
- Hey, good formatting. This format should be THE STANDARD for all UnScripts. Oh, don't forget: If this is being submitted to Hollywood use US Letter, but if to Bollywood use A4. Cheers!--Funnybony 13:16, May 21
- Do you think it's quite feature-type yet? I mean, I don't want to offend anyone by mocking Hitler.... --
23:07, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
- I think you're on to something -- but it did seem short to me. It needs more dialog (jokes). The best way to understand a script hook is to create a tag-line, like, for example, "First he gets murdered, then his adventure begins" (story about a man getting married?). Right now it seems too short. Figure ONE PAGE of formatted script equals one minute screen time. So a 2 page script is a two minutes flick. Need some help? Or are you ready to give it a run on VFH? I'll vote FOR either way.--Funnybony 15:05, May 22
- Well the original scene was four minutes... but I don't know what else I can add other than more detailed stage directions. Hey! Maybe someone should go ahead and make a YouTube video out of it when it's done, and we'll embed the video. -- 20:16, May 22, 2012 (UTC)
- Well the original scene was four minutes... but I don't know what else I can add other than more detailed stage directions. Hey! Maybe someone should go ahead and make a YouTube video out of it when it's done, and we'll embed the video. --
- I think you're on to something -- but it did seem short to me. It needs more dialog (jokes). The best way to understand a script hook is to create a tag-line, like, for example, "First he gets murdered, then his adventure begins" (story about a man getting married?). Right now it seems too short. Figure ONE PAGE of formatted script equals one minute screen time. So a 2 page script is a two minutes flick. Need some help? Or are you ready to give it a run on VFH? I'll vote FOR either way.--Funnybony
- Do you think it's quite feature-type yet? I mean, I don't want to offend anyone by mocking Hitler.... --
- I suggested he drop by your spacious living room here (I like the wall hangings) because you were Uncy's resident script expert. I think he did a pretty good job on this one. Funnybony, you are kicking it out lately! Al 1:34 21-5-'12
Hea dude[edit source]
Not sure if you saw on the talk page of Baby boomer, but I made a suggestion about layout which might be cool. Also, my feelings for this article are that it would be a bit more spicy if we attacked the ol boomers a bit more, and made fun of a few of the things they maybe did which were not so cool. To me the article reads a lot like it's written by a cool boomer about boomers, but it's not booming! (yet) Not that I'm suggesting the bomb or anything. Also, I'm really struggling to make edits to this article now and still keep them in the style you are using. I Just don't got the flow you do man! Anyway, I will try to toss a few snips in and you can see what you think. MrN 
(talk to me) 15:08, May 22
- I hear ya dude! I about ran out of ideas for this subject. More than this seems like chewing the chewed. I might have jumped the gun on VFH, so if you think I did then you have my Unofficial authority to pull it until later. What ever you decide, mate. Cheers--Funnybony 16:17, May 22
- Hea dude. I noticed your changes to my new bit. Snatch was the perfect word! ... Here is what I'm thinking now... When I was writing that new section I was wanting to rant on a bit more about British stuff. The Americans did not really get affected by air-raid shelters so that bit does not really make sense to a lot of people I fancy. So... I kinda had to tone down a few other things I was ranting about to make what I was saying more accessible to everyone. So... I figure that maybe we do a history according to US boomers, and a history according to Europe type boomers. Maybe something along the lines of the US boomers claiming their dads won the war for the European boombers, and the European boomber claiming they want Hawaii back because the yanks turned up so late. Other boomers could be added later maybe. :-D Anyway, it's just an idea which you may think is pants. However if you get my drift of what I'm on about maybe we could spice things up a bit by getting some banter going via a US/UK thing. I Should be able to write a bit more today, so it's all good. :) MrN (talk to me) 11:53, May 23
- Yeah, dude! I was hoping to get you in gear. A possible good idea to divide boomers into European (just UK?) with Mods and Rockers, and US with "Rebels without a cause!" I hope it stays on VFH long enough for us to perfect it. Actually your history is already really good, and I added "radios" to include the Yanks in the war. Both sides had their men overseas. And both sides had boomers. We have another collab here (I can hardly believe we don't have more -- gotta fix that). Cheers!--Funnybony 12:14, May 23
- Yeah, dude! I was hoping to get you in gear. A possible good idea to divide boomers into European (just UK?) with Mods and Rockers, and US with "Rebels without a cause!" I hope it stays on VFH long enough for us to perfect it. Actually your history is already really good, and I added "radios" to include the Yanks in the war. Both sides had their men overseas. And both sides had boomers. We have another collab here (I can hardly believe we don't have more -- gotta fix that). Cheers!--Funnybony
- Hea dude. I noticed your changes to my new bit. Snatch was the perfect word! ... Here is what I'm thinking now... When I was writing that new section I was wanting to rant on a bit more about British stuff. The Americans did not really get affected by air-raid shelters so that bit does not really make sense to a lot of people I fancy. So... I kinda had to tone down a few other things I was ranting about to make what I was saying more accessible to everyone. So... I figure that maybe we do a history according to US boomers, and a history according to Europe type boomers. Maybe something along the lines of the US boomers claiming their dads won the war for the European boombers, and the European boomber claiming they want Hawaii back because the yanks turned up so late. Other boomers could be added later maybe. :-D Anyway, it's just an idea which you may think is pants. However if you get my drift of what I'm on about maybe we could spice things up a bit by getting some banter going via a US/UK thing. I Should be able to write a bit more today, so it's all good. :) MrN
- I hear ya dude! I about ran out of ideas for this subject. More than this seems like chewing the chewed. I might have jumped the gun on VFH, so if you think I did then you have my Unofficial authority to pull it until later. What ever you decide, mate. Cheers--Funnybony
Just ran across a Punji stick[edit source]
I'd read about so many of the other tactics used by the Viet Cong, but I'd never actually read about Punji sticks. I clenched so hard while reading that article that my nuts are now stuck somewhere up in my abdomen. Thanks. Also, who knew it was possible to learn things from Uncyclopedia? ~ BB ~ (T) 
~ Wed, May 23 '12 7:08 (UTC)
- Thanks, mate, it's kinda hard to write a spoof about something horrible. But it is a "real subject" and I like real articles, that have a counterpart on Wikipedia, rather than nonsense that Wikipedia wouldn't even touch. When I first started on Uncyclopedia I thought it was a rule to only parody subjects worthy of being on Wikipedia - but I'm glad it isn't. Cheers!--Funnybony 10:42, May 23
- Thanks, mate, it's kinda hard to write a spoof about something horrible. But it is a "real subject" and I like real articles, that have a counterpart on Wikipedia, rather than nonsense that Wikipedia wouldn't even touch. When I first started on Uncyclopedia I thought it was a rule to only parody subjects worthy of being on Wikipedia - but I'm glad it isn't. Cheers!--Funnybony
UnSignpost May 25th, 2012[edit source]
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH
May 25th, 2012 • Issue 166 • Almost entirely asbestos free!
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An Endzone Victory Dance From Your New Overlord
Hi, I'm EMC, your family-friendly fascist and tyrant. Having been at Uncyclopedia for almost six years, I have seen some shit. A lot of it I can't talk about because of some gag orders which are still in effect. Some of it I don't want to talk about because even thinking about it gives me sympathy pains in my groin.  But one thing I had never seen before was me becoming an administrator. One month ago, this was something which only happened in my wettest of dreams. Thanks to my mother's influence, I was able to win the VFS. Once this happened, I felt obligated to write this UnSignpost piece about this extraordinary blessing known as me. I will start from the beginning and finish at the end. I was born just like everyone else. Sometime shortly after that, I discovered Uncyclopedia. Six years later, I became an administrator. As you can see, my life can be summed up as a series of successes followed by more success. I invite you all to follow the example I have set for you in my years of Success awaits you, especially if you are me. YOU MAKE 'EM, WE SCRAPE 'EM, NO FETUS CAN BEAT US! A New Beginning for the Beginner's Guide
If you take a whiff around, you can smell many parts of Uncyclopedia rotting away, such as neglected projects like UnPoetia or those meme-filled articles featured eons ago. And just look at all of that dust on the HTBFANJS! But of the many things which suck and need major fixing, the Beginner's Guide is no longer one of them. Thanks to the efforts of Shabidoo and this USP article's author, the Beginner's Guide is now navigable and comprehensible. Users are no longer overwhelmed by stubs stuffed between unnecessarily long calculus equations or whatever the hell was going on with that thing before. Readers do not have to flip through using the "Next page" button. Instead, the new guide can be navigated with its template or its overview page, which now only have six relevant links instead of thirty-thousand and five irrelevant links. What preceded this and highlighted the necessity for rewriting the guide was the simplification of our UnNews guide and welcome message. It's a well-established fact that reading bores people. Giving people less stuff to read when they first join Uncyclopedia, experts say, increases the likelihood that new users will not only be less bored, but that they might actually read the Beginner's Guide/welcome message/UnNews guide and become worthwhile contributors/get banned less often. And at the end of the day, that's what it's all about. |
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UnNews:Wind farms are solution to global warming[edit source]
Hahaha, nice brainwave, the concept is just great! If you want to nominate it for VFH, I think it has chances. I'd certainly vote for. I believe that self-nomming is best since the author knows it's gonna be on VFH and therefore has tweaked it/did whatever to ensure the article is OK. Nominations by others without prior notification can lead to confusion, especially if the author wasn't totally through with the article. Anyway, that's a good one :P Mattsnow 14:11, June 5, 2012 (UTC)
Bring out your dead! It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
June 14th, 2012 • Issue 167 •It's a periodical. Deal with it.
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Censorship and The UnSignpost
It was with some trepidation that the editorial team seized their pens this week, and not just because we don't actually hand-write the USP. The main reason is that the UnSignpost service has been about as frequent as hot Panda sex, which, brings us neatly to our big promise. We can't guarantee news or a that we won't disappear without warning again but we can guarantee talk of Panda sex, as frequently as possible. The big news on Uncyclopedia is the scandalous news that Wikia have added a warning that pops up when you first visit Uncyclopedia, warning readers that Uncyclopedia is objectionable, inappropriate and violent. The obvious question you would expect to be on everybody's lips is "What took you so long?" we've been all those things for years now, it's like they haven't been paying attention. However, the main feeling on the forums are outrage and angry expressions of... well, anger. Bizzeebeever is possibly more outraged than anybody else, something he is demonstrating by being frustratingly American in every contribution to the forum, littering his discourse with "Y'all"'s and "darntootin"'s. Bizzeebeever had this to say about the forum: "Somebody here has serious scratch" which we can only assume means Wikia's ownership of Uncyclopedia is akin to an unpleasant venereal disease. If that's not what it means then that's exactly what it should mean. The UnSignpost is right behind Bizzeebeever in demanding freedom from the itchy sexual diseasy era of Wikia ownership: OUR PENISES DEMAND LIBERTY! Wikia are denying our todgers their rights. The proposed reactions to being censored in this hideous manner include: filling Wikia's central wiki with porn and other violent content (to demonstrate just how family friendly we are), occupying another wiki, turning the warning pink, voting, voting on the voting, ignoring the warning and looking up Anal licking anilingus on Wikipedia. Spike has also proposed a major letter-writing campaign, as long as all the letters are different and include a lot of long words. It would seem that despite a forum topic and a lot of long blocks of text decrying the notice that it will remain with us for the foreseeable future. The UnSignpost urges readers not to dismay, and not to attempt to suffocate themselves by climbing into large bags of mashed potato. Seriously, it doesn't work and you look really stupid. Happy ANAL LICKING ANILINGUS Thursday! News round-up
Nobody was more disappointed than the UnSignpost staff when they discovered that things had in fact carried on happening while the UnSignpost was on hiatus. The biggest upcoming event is in fact the Poo Lit Surprise! The competition has in fact started, sparing you all the tiresome UnSignpost articles imploring you to participate, unfortunately for you we have not missed the competition itself so prepare for another tiresome UnSignpost article imploring you to participate. The competition is being run by Zombiebaron this year, Zombiebaron has in fact run it for the last two years but has always bullied some other sucker into running it for him and doing all the adding up. Xamralco is opposed to the cash prize because "Material possessions and wealth are so analogue... man" and because he probably won't win it. The UnSignpost would like to point out that any money you receive may have been touched by EMC and Black flamingo and their userpages give you enough of an idea of the sort of things they enjoy touching.  Noob of the Moment is running splendidly with users voting and around everybody winning the award at a non-specified moment in time. Last month the winners were XDshempXD, Alpha Quintesson and Mockingbird ST who soared to victory having amassed some votes each. Well done all of you, you're all winners, that said there is a special prize for the real winner, which will be presented to the first one of you to present another admin with Socky's skull on a silver plate. He lives in Belgium, he's the one that isn't a Cow, bring us his head. Pee review has fallen silent which can only mean one thing and it isn't that we have reviewed every single article on Uncyclopedia. This is doubtless because of a lack of work from the fallen ones. Peeing is not only helpful to the wiki but can also win you a diamond studded toilet!! It's a toilet with diamonds! The admiration, respect and gratitude will also be tremendous, and if you pee regularly your bladder won't explode. So, to recap, that's the respect and admiration of your peers, a healthy non-exploded bladder and a diamond studded toilet! You'd be crazy not to go and review something right now! Finally patrolling edits is a very useful function, much like the ability to pee (diamond studded toilet! Diamond studded toilet!) , and it saves you time, effort and time. However Frosty has noticed that nobody seems to be doing it. Bizzeebeever is in fact winning at patrolled edits and at creating bar graphs to demonstrate points that you don't really need a bar graph to demonstrate. The point is however that if you patrol recent changes you should be patrolling edits. Bizzeebeever even made a javascript to let you patrol thousands of edits per second. Alternatively you could not bother to patrol edits, this would annoy Frosty an awful lot, but it would also let Bizzeebeever win at something, so you should probably do it. |
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--ChiefjusticeGameCube 09:55, June 14, 2012 (UTC)
Thanks for voting![edit source]
I've been real busy lately, so sorry, I've got no time to make a template. But thanks for voting though! Appreciated and my cat is doing well too, if you're asking. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 
15:02, June 16, 2012 (UTC)
Assume the position! it's the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
June 21st, 2012 • Issue 168 •Dost thou go cross-gartered yonder UnSignpost?
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Blue Sky Thinking
We here at the UnSignpost were just saying the other day, as we packed fudge at the mid-week meeting, how much we miss Dr. Skullthumper. Not because we like him or anything, nobody misses him for that. We miss him because he provided an unending stream of fantastic[citation needed] ideas! True, most of these ideas were along the lines of "Let's pack all the images on the wiki into a category which I have called 'Maintaining Your Brilliant Ideas Now' or MYBIN for short and let's delete all but the ones of Elephants holding tissues!!" but he was certainly trying and it made for sensational news. Alas, now Dr. Skullthumper has taken another leave of absence leaving nobody to save Uncyclopedia from certain doom. Or so we thought... It would seem that Shabidoo has his eyes firmly set upon the title of Humour-Wiki innovator having this week posted no fewer than three forum topics demanding, suggesting and complaining about the wiki and proposing that we all do something about it. His posts do lack Dr. Skullthumper's trademark doom and gloom and are instead infuriatingly chirpy and irritating.  When asked to comment Shabidoo had this to say to Uncyclopedia: "I should now take this moment to inform you that you are all a bunch of snotty nosed dick faces, sinking into an abyss of cock-wad penis-smoking but-snot!!!". We know what you're all thinking; he's far too polite to be anything like Dr. Skullthumper. Shabidoo wants three things, he wants to be able to share pages on Facebook, he wants us all to go retro for a week and he wants his smart phone to load Uncyclopedia, probably so he can create more forum topics about banality. Shabidoo's best idea is retro week, we imagine this will comprise editing whilst wearing ridiculous hair, a ridiculous shirt, leather trousers and carrying a boom box. For those of you who aren't interested in that sort of thing, what Shabidoo actually proposes is that we re-feature seven articles from before 2010. Steady on there Shabidoo perhaps next time we could run Prehistoric week where we re-feature articles as from as far back as 2009! Most of you will remember 2010 better referred to by the man in the street as "The year before last". It's very retro, assuming you have no idea what retro actually means. The Facebook suggestion will likely meet with failure because it requires someone who can code, and we only have a couple of people who can do that and they're all insane, Olipro, American or a combination of the three. Elsewhere on the wiki this week Nikau missed the censorship outrage boat and was outraged by the censorship. Qzekrom created a forum topic and told nobody to reply to it, that was a bit weird,. The PLS is still running and Saberwolf116 returned to the wiki and was promptly ordered back to Pee Review and the voting pages for being foolish enough to announce his return. Nobody writes UnTunes any more, we could have a week of singing and dancing, we'd call it "UnTunes Week" because we're original like that. Happy Thursday. A Victory for Democracy
 You all probably remember last week, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. You might also remember that the UnSignpost ran a story on the OUTRAGEOUS censorship of Uncyclopedia. The big development to that story this week is that Simsilikesims has managed to get the content warning removed! Oh, wait that's not right, what has actually happened is that the warning has been changed so that it is more welcoming, not that there are many more welcoming ways you can say "WARNING: This wiki has over 600 breast images and racism!"  The new warning is delightful and nobody can say a bad word about it, except me. I hate it. It's too compromising, I'm all in favour of encouraging new users to come to our site, but the current content message makes them all think that Uncyclopedia is the place for them! Do you know that just this week I was patrolling recent changes hunting for I would also like to complain in the strongest possible terms about the Cat on the notice and Simsilikesims signature. The signature that most people see first is normally Zombiebaron's on the block page, or mine in the canned welcome message I have sprayed onto their talk page. Don't you people see? If we put Simsilikesims' signature on the content warning people will start asking her/him/it things. A truly deplorable state of affairs. Also, Aimsplode really likes the new content warning, as if you needed another reason to hate it. You!
You is exactly who could write articles for the UnSignpost! In order to keep the periodical working on a regular basis. We also needed this space to even up the columns because of RAHB's massive complaint. Enjoy reading that. We certainly did. That's enough space filled. |
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--ChiefjusticeGameCube 00:37, June 21, 2012 (UTC)
Stop, drop and roll! It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
July 5th, 2012 • Issue 169 • You'd be crazy not to listen!
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Reform and change
 It was the winds of change that wafted through the UnSignpost office this week, at least that's what we assume the smell is. This week's topic of change is the ever popular Vote for Sysops/Sandwiches. What's wrong with it? It's not good enough that's what. VFS has always been something of an old standby for the UnSignpost, it has drama, it has thrills, it has the invariable abuse of power and crushing of dissenting opinions. It has everything that made Uncyclopedia what it is today. With so many positives- did we mention the abuse of power? The drama? With so many positives it is hard to believe that anyone would ever wish to be rid of VFS, but it seems there is always one bold revolutionary desperate to spoil everybody else's fun. This week's bold revolutionary role is played jointly by Saberwolf116 and Lyrithya. Shocking really, after all Lyrithya always seemed so happy with how everything on Uncyclopedia was run and hasn't tried to change a thing since she got here. She favours scrapping VFS altogether and introducing a system similar to that used on Wikipedia. This correspondent would like to share the advice of his estranged father with Lyrithya: "If you like Wikipedia so much why don't you go and live there?".Saberwolf116 meanwhile is a splendid well-meaning fellow who has no idea that it is in fact quicksand full of shards of broken glass that he has unwittingly stepped into. Saberwolf proposes a system similar to a discussion board where everyone discusses and agrees who is the best candidate for the job, they are then appointed and begin doing a splendid job, perhaps while we are all living in Saberwolf's fantasy world we could all visit the Marshmallow planet and grow enormous beards. Saberwolf had this to say about his plans to abolish the voting: "Let's vote", so he is off to a good start. Lyrithya meanwhile proposes that we let people nominate themselves at any time and if they're good enough we make them an administrator, it's a good idea and it works on wikipedia, but so would Aztec human sacrifice if the arbitration committee suggested it. Sycamore also appears to be formulating a system based on letting the administrators decide everything until the final stage which the UnSignpost is sure will go down a storm amongst a group who feel that letting administrators' votes count double in the first stage of the current VFS is a breathtaking abuse of position and power, which can only have been instituted on the instruction of Satan and his demonic minions. The discussion continues on the forum, though based on the current state of affairs you are unlikely to be made an administrator unless your mum is "ghey", which means RAHB is safer than anybody. On a lighter note Qzekrom suggests an article feedback tool be added to the bottom of articles so people can rate the article, some may remember we scrapped a scoring system for articles because "Nobody ever uses the thing". Anybody wishing to let an author know about the ghey-ness of their mum or how terrible their article is are encouraged to make use of the talk page, or have a go at using Pee Review, that's why most people use it. PLSURPRISE!
 Yes, the Poo Lit Surprise competition has concluded. There was a tremendous amount of ceremony as Zombiebaron closed the competition having completed all his adding up. It was something of a news item in of itself that there were no ties and a clear winner was found in every single category. The grand champion was Modusoperandi who wrote a splendid article about the Slender Loris. You should read it, you should vote for it. You should vote for everything and anything. The competition runner-up was Thekillerfroggy who successfully came second more than everybody else. He must be very proud. He wrote HowTo:Meet women, which is quite ironic when you think about it, he also wrote Freezer, which isn't ironic, even if you think about it. You should nominate these articles and then vote on them. Shabidoo's retro week idea that we thoroughly ridiculed the other week sits sickeningly on the Village Dump flaunting its garish imagery and mocking the forum's otherwise sombre tone. This forum still exists despite the issue it was created to challenge having been resolved, though it does seem to be nearing the record for the most votes on a single forum topic. Finally, the top 3 of the month has moved to the forum because it is easier to vote on it by phone. If we are altering things to make them easier to edit from a phone we should probably move the entire wiki into a forum. Happy Thursday! |
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--ChiefjusticeGameCube 08:10, July 5, 2012 (UTC)
Sawasdee Khrab[edit source]
I'm in Nakorn Ratchasima - where you? Been here 4 years. Weird to meet another in Tland and on here! Ticklethekeys (talk) 00:45, July 10, 2012 (UTC)
- Sawasdee, Tickle. Cool. I'm in BKK for 27 years. I've been on Wikipedia since they started, and Uncyclopedia since 2008. You can write me privately at rsbj@hotmail.com. Look forward to hearing from you. What are you writing here? I guess I should just check your user page. Cheers!--Funnybony 08:51, Jul 10
- Sawasdee, Tickle. Cool. I'm in BKK for 27 years. I've been on Wikipedia since they started, and Uncyclopedia since 2008. You can write me privately at rsbj@hotmail.com. Look forward to hearing from you. What are you writing here? I guess I should just check your user page. Cheers!--Funnybony
Boners![edit source]
Thanks for the vote (which got my first ever feature!!!) take these boners as a prize for your efforts
05:20, July 13, 2012 (UTC)
Hey[edit source]
How's it? Just saw you pop up in my watch list so I figured I'd say hi. Hi. Nominally Humane! 10:50 17 Jul
- I'm REALLY glad you're back. What a silly game was played. But all in fun, I guess. Are you working on anything we can collab? Yay, Puppy is home! Cheers!!!--Funnybony 14:26, Jul 17
- I'm more just going around and doing site maintenance stuff at the moment. I'm waiting for the muse to give me a push. Nominally Humane! 05:29 19 Jul
- I'm REALLY glad you're back. What a silly game was played. But all in fun, I guess. Are you working on anything we can collab? Yay, Puppy is home! Cheers!!!--Funnybony
My Thai friend[edit source]
So, I hear you recommended POTR this band called the Misunderstood. Listened to some of their stuff, pretty revolutionary. Say, have you ever listened to (or heard of) the Velvet Underground? I say it's worth a listen if you haven't. They're probably one of my favorites. User:Matthlock/sig2 17:45, July 17, 2012 (UTC)
- Reed's band - sure! I was a friend of (late) Angus MacLise - he was the Velvet Underground's first drummer. We used to jam in Kathmandu back in the early 70s. If you're at all interested in The Misunderstood don't bother with Wikipedia, its all unreferenced non-notable BS. Cheers, mate!--Funnybony 19:59, Jul 17
- I can't believe I'm talking to a piece of history! I am honored. User:Matthlock/sig2 20:44, July 19, 2012 (UTC)
We've got boner for news! It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
July 19th, 2012 • Issue 170 • Got Wood?
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Fancy a Bone?
"The latest meme is Template:Boner." Qzekrom blared into the press room last Thursday. We here in the UnSignpost office were absolutely beside ourselves, if we wanted people to tell us the news we'd open a hotline, a suggestion precluded by our lack of a phone, money or staff. So it came down to a straight choice between considering the reaction and the effect of the new MediaWiki Upgrade and the featuring of a template whose entirety is a very poor drawing of a penis. Naturally, we chose the one that included the smallest amount of penis: Template:Boner. This template is apparently the best thing since sliced bread, and you can use it in practically the same ways; you can spread it with butter and serve it to your friends as a surprise, you can dunk it into egg and, most importantly, consume it with jam. The template stormed to feature status with 23 votes for, which, coincidentally is the same number of votes cast on VFH throughout the whole of March. Nothing it seems mobilises Uncyclopedians better than a penis. The size of the penis in the template may account somewhat for its popularity*. Qzekrom does have a point, and a worrying obsession with css and javascript and all those uninteresting things whose only real function is to produce unnecessary work like page editing and the graphical interface. If you share these interests then you can easily head to one of the many forums he has created to discuss them, if on the other hand you are short on time because of the job you have to go to and be miserable at for fifty hours a week then you can always go to VFH and vote one of of the many penis related articles that Uncyclopedia has to offer. The VFH vote is being called "The third most rigged VFH in the history of Uncyclopedia", losing out to some votes that were actually rigged one must assume. Anybody wishing to rig their own vote has only to head onto IRC and start asking if anybody is "up for lulz" today and then simply pitching their idea as "This great thing I found". If you are struggling then feel free to ask Frosty who is the mastermind behind the present craze for boners. Not that anybody is particularly surprised.
*Readers are invited to interpret this statement however they like. A Song of Ice and Fire
 Isn't that the story of the human heart? The fight between fear and passion, between kindness and meanness, between pwn3d and pwnz0r? It's always two forces, at constant war with one another, until the heart stops beating. But then again, it is but one heart amongst many, and so the war goes on for years and years, with ice winning and then losing, and then fire winning, and then losing. And the efforts of the great men who built this wonderful civilization before us have always striven to achieve the balance between these ubiquitous opposites. For ice shall freeze us, and fire shall burn us, but the middle component, the in-between, nourishes us. And the in-between component I speak of, is water. We always speak of following the middle path, of moderation, of not going to extremes. Well, water is the epitome of moderation! How queer is it, that if you heat a bucket of ice over fire you get water, but only if the ice is heated IN MODERATION! Indeed, water has always given us the best of both worlds! When ice was melted by the fire from the sun, the resultant water ended up becoming the very medium in which the first living organisms thrived! Is it a coincidence that even after all these years of evolution and extinction, 70% of the body weight of man is still water? Is it a coincidence that no living being (except for dormant-ass seedlings) can survive for long without a regular hit of H2O to keep it alive? I think not. Water is always straddling the middle path between ice and fire. Unlike ice, we can swallow it without it clogging our windpipe, and unlike fire, it won't burn our dear skin if we touch it. And water always nourishes us, keeps us alive and well! We all rose from the water, and to the water returns all our piss and shit! People have always wondered, what is the middle path? What is the balance we all seek? I say, the balance is water. The middle path is water! The answer to all conflicts and dilemmas that plague our life- is WATER! |
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--ChiefjusticeGameCube 16:46, July 19, 2012 (UTC)