User talk:Uncle J

Welcome!

Hello, Uncle J, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for n00bs:

• About Uncyclopedia
• Beginner's Guide
• The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to be funny and not just stupid
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages (Yeah, there's more.)

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, or ask at the Dump. Again, welcome!  ~ T. (talk) 10:15, 16 June 2006 (UTC)

Ah, Good to know

...that THIS is the genious behind GTA:HV.--<<>> 14:09, 15 September 2006 (UTC)

women are stupid

I couldn't resist reading that one, my wife and I both found it hilarious. Since I hadn't said this to you yet, welcome to UnNews. Thanks for your feedback. I like to hear how others think I'm doing, since I live in a cave and see no one except by appointment.

I remain bat fuck insane, Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:34, 12 October 2006 (UTC)

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

XMas

Bradaphraser was throwing away last year's Christmas cards, and realised they had purposefully forgotten about you. This user is completely thoughtless, doesn't care about Multi-culturalism, and therefore DEMANDS you have yourself a Merry little Christmas... NOW! Failure to comply with result in disciplinary action up to and including excommunication from the Capitalist Church

May you focus on your successes and forget your failures here at the end of the year. Never forget how we all improve one another's lives. Season's Greetings.--<<>> 17:35, 17 December 2006 (UTC)

zim_ulator wishes you a Merry Kaizum Me! the first holiday officially sanctioned by the church of zimizm (cOz)!

Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:30, 19 December 2006 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews

Thanks for your contribution to UnNews:Barack Obama calls for Socialist Revolution in America, and whatever else you may have done thus far (I'm way too lazy to research that myself). I'm considering adding you to the as-yet-uncreated Jackbooted Links Brigade. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:05, 26 January 2007 (UTC)

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Uncle J, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

---

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

---

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

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If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

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At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

?

I assume you asked me if I was a creationist so you could put "Warning: This article was written by a creationist!" on Cremationism? It's not like there's a disclaimer on Evilution saying "Warning: THis article was written by an atheist!"

If you don't like it just revert it --Uncle J 04:06, 31 January 2007 (UTC)

Re: Evilution picture

You're welcome. It's from HBO's "Friends of God" documentary trailer. It's on youtube and features all kinds of nice signs. Pretty disturbing stuff if you ask me. Bob Fleming 17:08, 8 February 2007 (UTC)

About picture above: Can we have one of Muhammed or Darwin riding a t-rex? Beezwax 02:31, 10 February 2007 (UTC)

Creationists are full of shit

You've spent too much time with the "so-called experts" at Wikipedia. I can tell. Beezwax 03:43, 9 February 2007 (UTC)

Look here, you're comparing apples and oranges. Creationism has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with people who believe in flat earth. Come on! There's enough evidence for creation that it can be removed from the category of "People who believe in magic". Of course, Oromis from Eragon believes in magic, and he is an atheist! What do you have to say to that?! Beezwax 01:36, 10 February 2007 (UTC)

And here's an example of our country's growing intolerance of Christianity: two Gideons being jailed just for being on a public sidewalk! Why should we tolerate your crap if you can't even tolerate us being on your stupid asshole sidewalks????!!!!! Beezwax 02:21, 10 February 2007 (UTC)

And believe it or not, Atheists and evolutionists have a god too! Want to know what it is? I'll give you a hint: every time we creationists talk about evolution being based on random chance, you guys say, "No, it's based on ___ which is not random." So, can you figure it out? Beezwax 13:48, 10 February 2007 (UTC)

Shhhh. -- 14:42, 11 February 2007 (UTC)

Asplode!!

	Gneomi has awarded you some hot stuff to jihad your own ride!
	For voting on Jihad My Ride.
	"Never forget: Jihad is not all about war. It is about creating cool stuff and making cars look better. Yo jihad yo!!"

Token of thanks

Lac gratia tu ad suffragium per The Justice League!

--~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

16:51, 17 February 2007 (UTC)

My Native Language

No matter if you confuse spanish, portuguese or italian, those languages really look alike at first view. I speak portuguese. The uncyclopedia in my orginal language is awful because it has absolutely no refined humour and is filled with cursing, as if jokes about people's ass were funny all the time. They also make a lot of internal jokes, specially about soccer (or football, if you prefer). If you search for countries that speak portuguese, I'm sure you will discover where I'm from. Kiss Kiss :P --DAME :: FoxyBabe :: TALK 13:43, 21 February 2007 (UTC)

Isn't amazing how no one cares about a freak guy with a sword entering their homes and walking aroud the living room? I surely would get scared!--DAME :: FoxyBabe :: TALK 14:03, 23 February 2007 (UTC)

Open Your Inventory

	FoxyBabe has awarded you with a Key Item!
	For voting on HowTo:Live in an RPG.
	"I found it inside a weird chest placed mysteriously in Lava Mountain. Still haven't figured out what it does, so keep it in your inventory, it may come in handy to eliminate a dancing mushroom."

DAME :: FoxyBabe :: TALK 13:51, 23 February 2007 (UTC)

Meh

Atomic Disturbance has awarded this person a RANDOM SUBATOMIC PARTICLE. Mainly because he gets them for free.

I actually had no goddamn clue my article was on VFH. I thank thee, good sir, for informing me.-- 18:21, 23 February 2007 (UTC)

In Soviet Russia, award gives YOU!

	Comrade NeedABrain has awarded you a red M&M!
	Due voting on Practical Lessons on Communism "In Soviet Russia, article features YOU!"

-- herr doktor needsAbrain  [scream!] 15:50, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

UNnews "Link" follow up

Hey, I really liked your piece on Link and thought of a good concept for a follow up article. The first ends mentioning that arrangements for Link's trial are still being made right, well I was thinking, what if The Great Deku Tree claims custody of Link, as the guardian of all the kids from Kokiri Forest and demands that Link be tried as a minor by the Kokiri courts instead.

I thought I'd pitch it to you and see if you were interested in the idea before writing it myself. Thanks --Benny Goodman 16:54, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

How strange it is that you didn't write that Link article, it was attributed to you on the article's talk page.--Benny Goodman 19:08, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

Aha! ok I figured out where I went wrong, I was looking at the history for the talk page at the time and am stupid. =p, sorry--Benny Goodman 19:10, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

"Vote for UnNews: Cardinals beat Tigers in 5 games to win World Series" you say? You make a persuasive argument... deal, it is funny anyways. --Benny Goodman 19:20, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

yeah no problem man, a lot of strange stuff gets through, but what ever, guess that means it appeals to a different sense. Anyways, best of luck with the VHF and you're right, UnNews:Boy subjected to harsh criticism, cries like little girl. is a fantastic article.--Benny Goodman 20:45, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

UnNews:Parti Québécois gains support in Alberta

Thank you for your vote. It's nice to know that someone gets my sense of humor. Please don't die! I plan on writing more. :) --Kenvalyi 02:32, 3 March 2007 (UTC)

We Shall Never Forger

LET US BOW OUR HEADS IN SHAME The society for the commemoration of Porchesia would like to thank thee for helping us to remember, if only for a moment, the follies of the human race. Thank you for remembering

~ 17:13, 4 March 2007 (UTC)

meh, again

Atomic Disturbance would like to thank you for voting for UnNews:Boy subjected to harsh criticism, cries like little girl. Remember: The Power Is Yours!

Thanks for your continual support of the article too. Anyway, yay. -- 20:20, 9 March 2007 (UTC)

Thanks!

	Welcome to the Chaingang from El Zoof! Now go cut your head off - safely!
	Thanks for voting for HowTo:Cut Your Own Head Off With a Chainsaw

--El Zoof 02:03, 10 March 2007 (UTC)

Thanks from UnNews latest blabber mouth

I'm Mad As... Thank you for your vote. And, yes, I'm seeking professional help.

Thank you, my fellow Canadian. Kenvalyi 01:46, 1 April 2007 (UTC)

Newsletter

Good day. You've recently expressed interest* in David DeAngelo's Newsletter and subscribed to the free newsletter therein. The above article has been nominated for feature status and according to your agreement**, you are obligated to vote in its entry. Thank you and have a nice day.--Medvedev ^(scream) 06:47, 10 April 2007 (UTC)
*Edited.
**Reading the page.

VFH

Next time you place an article on VFH, take a better look look at what you're doing. Your nom overran mine, and I only caught it by mistake. ~ 14:00, 20 May 2007 (UTC)

gracias

Paul Bunyan thanks you for supporting him and his fellow bunyanists in the ongoing struggle against the evils of science and reason. Mr. Bunyan salutes you!

much obliged :) --THE 13:48, 9 June 2007 (UTC)

Bipolar Bears

Here's two bucks a charming portrait of a bipolar bear for your heartfelt support of manic-depressive wildlife. Bipolar Bears Rule!!

- Slithy Tove 06:09, 5 July 2007 (UTC)

lol hai

so i herd u liek vandalizing encyclopedia dramatica. Oops lol. --Blu Aardvark 22:28, 15 July 2007 (UTC)

Yeah, it beats wikipedia --Uncle J 22:30, 15 July 2007 (UTC)

Anyone vandalising other sites in the name of this one are likely to face a hefty ban. No one here as any issues with ED, we really don't care. However vandals, and vandals who claim to be acting in our name become our issue. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

VFD

Hey Uncle J, I got your message and I tried to read your article and vote against the nomination for deletion but it appears I have the timing of a donut-laden OPP officer with vomit inducing flatulence (true story). Sorry to hear about it though. I guess I'll have to get off my lazy ass and write some more stories about crotch droppings and yuppy larvae... that'll teach 'em! --Kenvalyi 21:28, 23 July 2007 (UTC)

Image:JohnMorgan Mayor CBRM.jpg

Hey there. You uploaded the above referenced image, and it is being used on the English Wikipedia in John Morgan's article, claiming a Wikimedia Commons license, but it is about to be deleted because it does not have any source information. If you can provide that (where you found it, or if you took it yourself), then the copyright status can be verified, and it won't go away. The file on en.wikipedia is Image:MayorJohnWMorgan.jpg . If you did take the photo yourself, you can release it expressly. You can drop me a note on en.wiki if you want. Thanks in advance. - Crockspot 22:55, 1 October 2007 (UTC)

Never mind. I found the source here. Sorry to bother. - Crockspot 23:15, 1 October 2007 (UTC)

Nice

Good job. I'd give you an award of some sort, but we communists were too poor due to western, right-wing capitalist pigs and we had to eat it. Feebas factor 21:42, 13 October 2007 (UTC)

howdy

Hey, you posted on the page of some bastard who stole my username a while ago. I just now created an account, and I have to be GL2? How ridiculous is that? He hasn't been on in forever, I might just redirect his pages to me, since he only made three edits. Anyway... I might get around to helping you on the RW article. GdlessLiberal 01:20, 31 October 2007 (UTC)

awesome

You are presented with one (1) serving of delicious flaming Baked Alaska in thanks for your vote for Alaska. Extreme caution should be used when making, eating, or igniting Baked Alaska. And be sure to keep Uncle Leo's oxygen tank at least 30 meters away.

enjoy!--SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 03:15, 18 December 2007 (UTC)

awesome again

You are presented with one (1) package of Red Baron French Bread PizzaTM for your vote for that article involving flying things.. Please note that Red Baron microwaveable pizzasTM may cause loss of altitude or engine failure.

enjoy!--SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:59, 31 December 2007 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ

This user created Haiti, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

UnNews on sex scandal

Promising concept! Needs a lot of editing! "spend" should be "spent" in at least 3 places; also add links and bold/italics. Cheers! Spıke ¬  14:24 12-Feb-10

Much improved. Good pix. Spıke ¬  15:55 12-Feb-10

UnNews on signing of Barilko

I mentioned your article by e-mail to a sports fan. He replied, "I had heard they signed Tim Horton." Perhaps the seeds of a follow-on article on the Leafs. Spıke ¬  22:57 15-Feb-10

I heard he just ordered a double-double --Uncle J 21:52, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

Corpse sled

Hi, great page. I did an edit option, you had the corpse being spoken to as if he could hear, which breaks the joke. I changed it to his coach talking to an UnNews reporter. Hope that's ok. Nice work. ~   21:43 20 Feb. MMX

Oops!

~Formerly Annoying Crap 07:53, 1 March 2010

UnNews:NASCAR: Carl Edwards gets probation for killing fellow driver

Big problems in the second half. I understand that the joke is that NASCAR values profits more than human life--but you must not have a spokesman saying that! You are stating your punch line rather than guiding your reader to it on his own! Spıke ¬ 00:50 11-Mar-10

PS--I've minced words in the first half with two edits (without addressing the above concern). And have recorded an audio feature based on your report. You are now listed in UnNews:UnNewsAudio as a contributor. In the audio version, I left out everything about the complicity of the police and the courts. But I believe the crassness of NASDAQ will come shining through. Spıke ¬ 02:13 11-Mar-10

PPS--I've also changed the title of the article. Your headline was too long and didn't follow UnNews style (all lowercase except first letter and where grammar dictates caps). Spıke ¬ 02:49 11-Mar-10

My bad, I took a year long sabbatical from uncyclopedia so i am unfamiliar with the rules, I think the article looks better and you didn't change that much, its been a long time since any of my articles got recorded, mostly from 2006 and 2007 when Zim was still doing them --Uncle J 05:59, March 12, 2010 (UTC)

Not too bad! Details are in the change summaries of my edits. The final one moves to the end of the story the two paragraphs I didn't record (on the police and the courts) and recommends that you delete them. Zim is still here, and has moved up from actually doing the work to managing it! I arrived about eight months ago. Everyone is unfamiliar with the rules, so last week I rewrote the Style Guide to try to align it with reality. You follow my most important rule for UnNews humor: to have your story be inspired by real news and to read like real news. Spıke ¬ 11:10 12-Mar-10

Toronto Maple Leafs

This article is up for deletion on VFD. My vote was Keep and Commit--to you, if you would like to take custody of it. Spıke ¬ 02:36 4-Apr-10

Yeah I'll take a look at it, its pretty bad though, it will probably need a complete rewrite --Uncle J 14:29, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

VFD voted to keep the article (3-2)--All of the Keep voters declared that it needed rewriting. At your leisure. Spıke ¬ 14:46 23-Apr-10

Edmonton Oilers

This other hockey-team article is on VFD as well--and it's in worse shape. Intervene if you care. Spıke ¬ 14:10 17-May-10

Kind of been on hiatus for the last few months, work and the gf get in the way sometimes lol --Uncle J 05:39, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

HowTo:Pick up women...

...had been unedited for a week, making it a candidate for deletion. However, as it shows promise I'm not going to huff it as a abandoned work in progress and have moved it to your userspace where it's safe and - I hope - you'll find time to finish it. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:38, May 7, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I've been kind of busy the last week, didn't get a chance to finish it yet, thanks for moving it --Uncle J 14:34, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

Good. It'll remain unhuffed until whenever you've finished and move it into mainspace. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:36, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

Hi bro!

Hope you got rid of that nasty scrotum rash! Just a word saying that you should start UnNews in your userspace rather than put a construction template on it since they show up on the "New UnNews" log and I won't know at all when you are through with it, therefore not being able to put it on the front page if it is good. Thanks and cure that rash, for Christ's sake! Mattsnow 14:31, December 8, 2011 (UTC)

I'll do that next time man, i'll be done of this article soon though --Uncle J 14:32, December 8, 2011 (UTC)

No problem! Take your sweet time, I'll know for this one. Mattsnow 14:35, December 8, 2011 (UTC)

Haha, your UnNews is good! Damn, I played this game a lot when I was a kid! I added a pic in it since it's long and there was only one, I hope the pic is OK with you. I'll put it on the front page. Mattsnow 19:34, December 8, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah the picture is good, i would have loved to photoshop a picture of the Zozo residents in front of the auction house but that would have taken too much time, your picture is good and i found the picture of the burning house in Thamasa so i figured that was a good one to use. --Uncle J 15:42, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

Glad you like it, that was one hell of a great game! You've awoken some great memories there! I'll see if I can buy the game for my PS2, they released a PS1 game with FF6 and FF5 on the same disk. (just saw that, I hope I can find it!) Mattsnow 16:54, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

Man I like you and all, but your UnNews are way too long, consider making articles with them? Peace. Mattsnow 17:42, December 21, 2011 (UTC)

Sometimes I get carried away, I get an idea and then run with it, I used to write for UnNews a lot back in 2006 and 2007, my articles then were way shorter. That's back when Zimulator used to do the audio recordings, man he made some of them so funny. I wasn't active much in 2008 and 2009, came back for a few months in 2010, just came back in October so not as familiar as some of the regulars. I'll try to keep them shorter, I realize its not a novel lol --Uncle J 04:16, December 22, 2011 (UTC)

Hahaha, well they're long but they're good! Mattsnow 16:34, December 22, 2011 (UTC)

Hello

And good to have you back in a more permanent sense. I'm glad that Mattsnow nommed you for the Foolitzer, because it's embarassing to Uncyclopedia that you haven't won that yet, and then I realized it was embarassing to Uncyclopedia that we haven't given you Writer of the Month as yet! If you don't win that this month, I'll nom you again first thing next month. I've read some of your articles by clicking at random on the UnNews on your talk page, and every one is well written and good satire. As for the above discussion, real news articles are often quite long, so I for two don't see why you can't make unnews pages the size of New York Times articles, especially if they're well written. Anyway, glad to "see" you again. Aleister 10:48 6-1-'12

p.s. Do you "ride" Recent Changes? (clicking on it and seeing what's happening on the site. I'm only asking because I spoke causually of recent changes once with a very long time and prominent user, and he hadn't even heard of doing that. I'd mention his name but then I'd be a tattle-tale, tattle-tale, baker's man.

I enjoyed the PK Subban one! Great one. Mattsnow 11:10, January 6, 2012 (UTC)

I don't really care much about winning anyways, I mostly just write articles for myself and my friends to read anyways. My buddies got a big kick out of the earlier ones the most I think, Heidi Klum and seal's son and women are stupid. I think a lot of ppl nominate their own articles, I don't really bother with that too much. Canadians aren't really about self promotion :) --Uncle J 14:03, January 6, 2012 (UTC)

So let others promote you, it helps the site. I don't like awards either, they kind of make me nervous and so I attempt to refuse all of them, humble like Lyrthria or whatever the name is. And if you think some of your pages are stupid, polish them like you would the palm of a Canadian Mountie stopping you on your monthly traffic violation. Some people work on their pages for years to make them better, or at least unsuckiworthy. Do you "do" Recent Changes? Yay J! Aleister 16:50 6-1-'12

UnNews:Barack Obama proposes legalizing prostitution, pot in effort to balance budget, avoid tax increases

Amazing one man! I was juggling with the thought of nomming it for vfh... Problem is there's already 22 articles there. Let's wait and see... It's likely the article is going to remain timely, since Gingrich and Obama are likely to remain lolcows. :P Mattsnow 19:47, February 15, 2012 (UTC)

I got the idea for writing it when Bob Rae pitched the idea of legalized pot to attract the stoner vote to the decimated Liberal Party of Canada, I figured I'd change it to Obama because it has broader appeal, plus I found that picture of him with the pimp hat --Uncle J 17:41, February 16, 2012 (UTC)

In California Robert Anton Wilson and others organized a Guns&Dope Party, figuring if the stoners and gun nuts teamed up they'd take over the state government. Tongue in cheek, but close to the truth (the "if" was the big part). Nice page. I first checked the sources, hoping you'd seen news I hadn't. Alas. Aleister 18:47 16-2-'12

VFH unclogged like some bowels on Ex-Lax, so there you go!. I'm pretty sure it'll do well. Let's hide in the bushes and see... Mattsnow 08:58, February 17, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks, I wonder if it will actually win --Uncle J 04:55, February 18, 2012 (UTC)

No problem man, but what went wrong??? LOLOLOL! 6 edits only to vote for? LMAO. Seriously, I sometimes nominated my own articles which I was absolutely certain would be featured, and they were not, while some other times I nommed one of mine "knowing" it would be rejected and everyone liked it! Do you had features? You'll see, after the first one, you're like YAY! but after that you tell yourself: I'm just writing for my own amusement, great if they like, too bad if they don't :) Mattsnow 05:03, February 18, 2012 (UTC)

I couldn't figure out how to vote, I was trying to edit the page and then figured out there was a drop box that let me vote, I'm not familiar with uncyclopedia voting, the last time i voted on anything was years ago lol --Uncle J 05:06, February 18, 2012 (UTC)

User:Mattsnow/Stephen Harper

Hi! I saw that the article about Harper was on VFD, so I asked them to move it in my userspace so I could rewrite it if they deleted it. Delete it they did. I was wondering, since by your UnNews it seems you like to make fun of him (I do too!), if you'd want to collab on it. As you can see it is in pretty bad shape. I think it's one hell of a great topic though, so if you accept, we might as well take our sweet time. What say you? Mattsnow 19:42, March 1, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah if I get some time I'll help you with it, what kind of angle are you going for, are you trying to make him sound even more extreme (and he's pretty far right) or do you want it to read like the Ministry of Truth wrote it hahaha --Uncle J (talk) 01:59, March 12, 2012 (UTC)

Oh no... Somebody already rewrote it: Stephen Harper. Grrr... Mattsnow 02:12, March 12, 2012 (UTC)

The Pea Buddy Awards

WOW! A brand new UnNews competition and we need you! Either prepare yourself mentally for the severity of the trials (don't sign up just yet, you cheat!) or commit your soul as a judge right now. May the Lord shine his blessings upon thee! Mattsnow 00:51, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

Sure why not, put me in coach --Uncle J (talk) 02:24, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

To be a judge? Mattsnow 02:28, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

yeah sure why not. when is this all going down --Uncle J (talk) 19:33, March 21, 2012 (UTC)

Well, just click the header link for all the details. And The Day we thought would never come has arrived! Your UnNews will be on the front page shortly! :D Mattsnow 15:27, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

almost 6 years on here and I got a featured article, too bad it wasn't a reality, if everybody just got high and got laid the world would be a less violent and a better place. --Uncle J (talk) 23:16, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

Is it really your first feature? And yeah, prohibition of alcohol didn't work out well, so it's the same for all drugs. The Mexican cartels, who cause thousands of deaths a year, would be out of business right there. And who would go buy coke only because it's legal?? It's easy to get even if it's illegal (well I guess, I don't use it lol) Mattsnow 23:23, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah I wouldn't really know about coke. Coke is a joke but I think its clear that prohibition has failed. People here in Nova Scotia are too derpy to see the reality of things. They don't open up their minds to practical solutions to most problems. People are either extremely emotional and ideological or are extremely apathetic. --Uncle J (talk) 23:44, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

Exactly. Our dear prime minister is about to buy Weapons of mass destruction for 9 billions$ of our taxes and nobody gives a shit. But don't legalize weed, oh no, that would spark riots! lol Mattsnow 00:48, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

Yikes, nobody has told you. Your page is featured later today!

Congrats. At 00:00 UTC time tonight (in 6 1/2 hours), Saturday night in your neck of the nest and all day Sunday, your Obama unnews will be the feature article! Congrats, and well deserved for an article that we all hoped was reality when we saw the headline. I'll be right back with something to commemorate your dirty deed! Aleister 17:27 24-3-'12

p.s. this is the biggest one of these I've seen!:

Featured Article: UnNews:Barack Obama proposes legalizing prostitution, pot in effort to balance budget, avoid tax increases

This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. Ain't they clever?!

---

I just told him, retard! Mattsnow 20:02, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

?  ???? ? Hello. I am sorry you have to be subject to such language. The feature template is yours, all yours, to post wherever you want to. Some rabid egotists have a separate page where they keep their awards, others sell them for some smokes and a Boone's Farm. Still others melt them down for the copper. Aleister 1:53 25-3-'12

Rolling the dice again

Good one, let's see if people like it! Mattsnow 03:43, March 28, 2012 (UTC)

:Hey Uncle J., I saw your article up on votes for hilights. First, its a good article...and I laughed several times. As its on vote for hilight, with an expected audience outside of Canada, here are a couple things to think about though: There are quite a few Canadianisms that I don't even quite get (and I lived there), is there a way to keep the Canadian spirit of the article while making the ideas/problems/controversy more clear to the reader?

Here is an example of where I would use the ignorance people have to Canada to their advantage:

"The minister of culture, who was heading to her vacation home on Hawaii during the parliament season tried to sneak through security without being noticed" ... when spotted by some of the hard core strikers, she was paraded infront of union members and the Canadian public and forced to wear the abhored "Canadian antlers of shame" (a particularly shameless symbol of Canadian shamefulness). This motivated Harper to send in the troops into pearson, immediately without discussion. "No minister of mine deserves to nor will ever be made to wear "The antlers of shame" while I am on duty.

Anyways...ideas to think about. Good article in any case :) --ShabiDOO 10:50, March 29, 2012 (UTC)

You say "you guys" meaning me? I'm pissed and I will destroy everything!!!! *Kicks an empty can* See what I've done because of you?!? Mattsnow 03:34, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

On second thought...the whole antlers thing is a pretty bad example of making things clear. Hahahaha lets pretent i didnt write that. I wrote more of what I'm trying to say on the nomination page. You might want to consider that when someone speaks their mind on a nomination page, that they are doing it for all the best reasons and intentions, and that it isn't an attack, but constructive criticism. --ShabiDOO 03:41, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

Shabidoo, show respect to the people that died when the Federal Police ruthlessly shot the strikers with machine guns! lol joke. Mattsnow 05:16, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the for on the naked unnews page. Appreciated. Go Canada! Aleister 20:26 April Foolishness '12

UnNews:Iraqi government gunmen kill a dozen people in Basra, say activists on VFH

I voted against this languishing nomination on VFH, with an apology that my first reading (which led to a non-vote) never got far enough to see the alternate reality you were presenting. Though that is this reader's fault, it also points to a challenge for the author, to take my initial misreading as a barrier to overcome in a tighter revision of this UnNews, and re-nominate it. The headline was the first obstacle; I strained to remember what like it had occurred in real life, and wrestled with the feeling that whatever it was, I didn't care about more retail violence in the Middle East. Perhaps UnNews:US debates invading Iraq to establish democracy (last three words might not be the best). (Side topic: What did "President Gore" do after 9/11? My hunch has always been the assembly of a Task Force that never discovered why four commercial pilots would crash their planes on the same day.) Spıke ¬ 13:11 13-Nov-12

In that history, 9/11 never happened because President Gore acted on intelligence received in August of 2001, the intelligence Bush ignored, maybe on purpose, and killed bin Laden in a raid. Similar to the one Obama authorized last year. – Preceding unsigned comment added by 216.118.151.182 (talk • contribs)

Got it. All I am saying is: Lead with the lead. Turn the story around and change the headline to prepare the reader for an article in an alternate reality--rather than giving the impression that the reader missed a story about more violence in Iraq and this UnNews is an Uncyclopedian's version of it. Spıke ¬ 21:28 29-Nov-12

Why'd ya redirect the article British Colombia?

I was still working on it. I was about to continue editing it. Please restore the page back to how I made it.Eshaan011 (talk) 17:28, 21 July 2020 (UTC)

@Eshaan011:, actually I think you did that, at least that's what it says in the article's edit history. Just go back and undo your edit and you should be fine. Btw, I like the work you have done on it so far! MrX blow me 17:33, 21 July 2020 (UTC)

@talk:, but It said User:UncleJ did it. Why on mars would I ever do that. Plus, it is British COLOMBIA, not British COLUMBIA.Eshaan011 (talk) 02:11, 23 July 2020 (UTC)

@Eshaan011:, um, ok, maybe there's some crazy glitch going on where it looks different on your end. If you'll look at this edit, you'll see it says that you made the redirect. If you'll look here, you'll see that Uncle J hasn't made any edits since 2012. And again, I don't believe British Colombia or British Columbia are protected, so you can go ahead and change it back yourself. MrX blow me 16:24, 23 July 2020 (UTC)