The Porchesian Holocaust
| Commonwealth of Porchesia | |
 Coat of arms |
 Flag of Porchesia |
| Official languages | Arabic, English, Greek |
| Motto: | Is Vadum Non Exsisto Induco
|
| Government: | In exile |
| Military: | Will be right back |
| Capital | Sheikah |
| Religion | Sunni Islam |
| Currency | Aquatic Dinars |
| Opening hours | Closed for the season |
| National Holiday | Sleep with the fish day |
|
The Porchesian Holocaust (file info) |
| Uncyclopedia has an audio version of this article. |
“My friend went to Porchesia, and I expected to get a lousy T-shirt and say: My friend went to Porchesia and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt. But he never came back.”
“But later there occurred violent edit wars and trolls; and in a single moment of utter misfortune, the island of Porchesia disappeared into the depths of the sea. Never before had an entire nation been abolished by the click of a mouse.”
“false info”
Porchesia was a small Mediterranean island-nation, situated across from Syria and Lebanon and considered to be a Lebanese-affiliated territory. Alas, due to a cruel and unusual click of the mouse, it no longer exists. The fate of the island was decided by one named only as 'Danny' who, in one fell swoop, wiped out the whole island, ordered groceries online, and watched videos on YouTube.
Paradise
Imagine, if you please, sandy beaches, happy hour that stretches all throughout the day, scrumptious food, olive skinned women, tanned muscular men. Remember those days of bright blue water? The dolphins toying with you just off shore? Enormous pelicans? Nights filled with the staccato of Arabic music? Endless sky? Indigo sunsets?
They are no more.
The only place they now exist is within your head.
They were destroyed.
By Wikipedia.
Creation
Tired from years of civil wars, Zionist invasions, and Syrian despots, a group of the Levant's Elite gathered - intellectuals, scientists, ex-military leaders. Workers, models. House wives, miners, men of the cloth, men of the bathrobe. People of thought. People of matter. People of might. They all left, seeking for a better place to live the American Lebanese dream.
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
Based on the French values of Freedom, Equality and Fraternity, the now self-named Porchesians created a liberal democracy where all men and women, young and old, pretty and prettier, are made equal. No one would reign over his brother, sister or lover, unless specifically asked to do so while engrossed in a sexual act.
No currency was needed. All shall be taken care of. They feasted on the fish, the poultry, the seeds, the fruit. Paradise, did we say?
We did.
And what of the contact with the outside world, you say?
Sporadic at best. A few tourists, a few entrepreneurs, some retired third world dictators et al. Glorious solitude, heaven on earth.
It was grand.
It was glorious.
It was a popular destination for VE members, always on their annual outing on 15th of July.
It was a glitter on Earth's dusty existence.
And then,
It was wiped from existence by Them.
The Wikipedia Holocaust
“I, a Wikipedian admin, by the power invested in me by King Jimbo I, hereby declare this island-nation as null and void. Mors ultima linea rerum est”
On September 30, 2006, the power that be, also known as the Wikipedious Adminatii, decided that such a serene place, such a paradise, such a benevolent form of existence, was a cosmic paradox - and must be wiped clean from earth's blackboard.
And so, with the punch of the mouse's left button, Porchesia was no more.
No more. Wiped from existence like a speck of dirt on the Queen's Rolls Royce.
Denial
Following the outrage regarding the destruction of the peaceful nation, Wikipedia officials claimed that no such place existed. Outcries by various UN agencies, the Lebanese government and helpless relatives, were to no avail. Nothing came across the gap of Wikipedia's colossal indifference.
Porchesia was no more.
No more.
“For ten glorious months, 354,897 men, women, and children lived harmoniously on Porchesia, a jewel in the treasure box that was the Mediterranean. Not a word was heard from them; not a grudge was held. Then, they of whom we shall not speak ruthlessly expunged it with the simple click of a computer mouse. Do not feel sorry for these people, for neither have they existed, nor the island they lived on. Or did they? Perhaps, or not; we may never know.”
See also
- The truth about the Porchesian Holocaust
- Nothing but ashes at Wikipedia
- Tiny Anguilla narrowly escapes the same unspeakable fate that befell Porchesia
