User talk:Funnybony/archive5
All information less important than above goes below[edit source]
Correct script format[edit source]
Here are “industry standard” Script formatting instructions from Hollywood. THIS is the correct way, the science, how to write a professional script. This is a short script about script formatting by the Industry for the Industry:
INDUSTRY STANDARD SCRIPT FORMATTING INSTRUCTIONS for genuine reference.
The link is a priceless guide for UnScripts (or any one who ever wants to write a script). In the real world a script format like most all of those on Unscripts, are considered as a little kid would imagine it to be. But there is a science, and Pros always do it right, even if they are so famous they CAN do it wrong, still, they do it right. I did it right HERE on Uncyclopedia. The format of most UnScripts is, simply stated, wrong, and accordingly they look childish to anyone who knows the basics found at this resource. There is nothing wrong with doing things right. Scripts can still be funny without being wrongly formatted like an assay, and not a script. And this is UnScripts, so they should at least be real script format. Cheers!--Funnybony 
21:25, Dec 2
We await[edit source]
We await the day Funnybony returns. The UnNewsroom, now covered with the dust of computers breaking down into their component parts, survives as a diorama. VFH hasn't passed an article in days, and the new standard for featuring a page is 5 votes, with some good arguments for 4. VFD, not so much, as Funnybony seldom if ever graced its doors. Well, those of us who looked forward to Funnybony's 400th page must be content with reading his 300+ pages over and over again (check out that one unnews story in the 180's, funny!!!). We miss you, and have all began to write scripts to industry standard. Smooth sailing and many ports of call to you, kind sir. Aleister 9:30 14 1 '11
- Hooray! That means Flint, Michigan will pass! It is an awesome opportunity for VFH pretenders when the champ takes a week (eight days?) off. Spıke ¬ 12:51 14-Jan-11
Thanks! Again![edit source]
Thank you for yet again supporting my recently featured article.
I yet again greatly appreciate your support.
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:35, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:Illuminati celebrates Facebook success in NWO plan[edit source]
Welcome back! We have had a spate of bad articles--and deliberately bad articles--in your absence. I tweaked this slightly for featuring; it could still stand having more words minced. Be careful when describing one-world conspiracy types, as I complained in Dexter's UnNews:Polls indicate Americans are terrified which lampooned the left and the right--the more extreme you make them sound, the more realistic, and less funny, it gets. Spıke ¬ 17:50 18-Jan-11
- Thanks, Spike. This year I'm going to focus more on getting ahead in the world. But at least in honor of you I'll try to send something time to time. And as always I appreciate your fixing them up. This one is so obvious. If the government suggested Facebook everyone would go nuts. In stead, we all fell into the same trap, and we did the government's job for free. This news is so true that it's more scary than funny. I had to file it. Mostly I won't be logged on so to contact me you can find (or have?) my email address. Anytime bro! Keep up the faith. Cheers. FB.
I agree with the substance. Some Americans, and a lot of Europeans, demand that corporations defend their data privacy--but more (even before Facebook) are willing to submit arbitrary personal information (to a stranger, with not even a promise not to copy or forward it) to "qualify to win" a prize, without being told what the odds are. My comment was solely to suggest which approaches to the story would be funniest.
As explained on my user page, my browsing machine is not equipped with e-mail; you'd have to e-mail me first, at which point it would arrive on my DOS dial-up machine and I can reply. But as you are filing as I.P.Anon, I imagine you have a voice scrambler on your telephone and any e-mails will arrive with encryption I won't be able to break to read what you've written. Spıke ¬ 20:12 18-Jan-11
PS--As well as mincing words generally, I gave this one a new ending. No politician, even Obama, says things like, "Soon a law will be passed" in evident ignorance of the process. But the goal here--to force every American to get on the Internet, to have an ISP--is exactly what Obama famously did with health insurance! A perfect call for my tie-in, though--as you say about the rest of the story--perhaps more true than funny. Spıke ¬ 14:03 20-Jan-11
Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is the UnSignpost.[edit source]
The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things
Jan 20th, 2011 • Issue 104 • Whatever happened to Wagon Wheels?
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PuppyOnTheRadio makes a discovery!
 Incredible, isn't it; we were pretty astounded ourselves... the UnSignpost actually has some news to report! Yes, everyone's favourite radio-fetishist canine has made the discovery of the This paper understands that the discovery occurred as PuppyOnTheRadio was sniffing spores, mould and fungus (as he does every Tuesday), when he accidentally sneezed mucus all over them. POTR then observed some remarkable effects as the So if you witness some huge game purges going on, do not be concerned; it's just the administrators cleaning up after POTR; needless to say they hate him for this. You all think about that before you next consider doing something useful; all you have to gain is the eternal hatred of every active administrator, although if you really want that, he has posted some ads looking for help. Also yes, this paper is aware that the image accompanying this story is of Sigmund Freud as opposed to a real scientist; this is not because we don't know who he is, but simply because POTR has issues. Facebook for a day
 Those of you who arrived at Uncyclopedia on the 16th of this month may have noticed that the main page looked like Facebook. We here at the UnSignpost certainly did; we were celebrating the inevitable salaries, dental plans and offices with swivel chairs that inevitably come with people who have money being in charge when Zombiebaron told us it was just a reskin, what a jerk. The page has received high praise from the community, especially those who were in it. The brains behind it (and we use the term brains loosely) were Zombiebaron and Lyrithya, who spent a great deal of their seemingly limitless free time working on it. This newspaper can only assume they were both living off other people's money and not paying tax at the time, because if they contributed anything to society then they would have been slumped in front of their TV's, miserable and alone, frittering away their time on earth like the rest of us. Did we mention that they are probably in the country illegally? As per this newspaper's policy of forgetting to ask people for quotes in case they say something worth writing, we have simply observed Lyrithya (from a safe distance) to find out her feelings on the reskin. Don't do this, for your own safety. All she does is eat Cheetos and whine. Zombiebaron has once again obliged us by simply saying "Zombiebaron" in response to any question our reporters ask. All joking aside, the reskin was superb and a lot of hard work went into its creation, and not just from the two users mentioned. Others were involved in some of the jokes, creativity and stuff. Check the reskin out in the main page history if you missed it, or you can check out all the main page reskins in the reskin archive. |
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~ 
08:14, 20 January 2011
UnNews:Mississippi resident 'couldn't care less!'[edit source]
Welcome back. Although I'm not enamored of the genre of "This isn't really news" articles, you have done it so much better than UnNews:I sneezed, which I have twice failed to delete on VFD or convince the author to move to Illogicopedia, and which is now on VFH, a process I call "trolling," and has a cult following. Spıke ¬ 13:48 22-Jan-11
UnSignpost! Wheeee![edit source]
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
Jan 27th, 2011 • Issue 105 • Do not try this at home!
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Awards and Voting Update
 As the Uncyclopedian voting season draws to a close, the UnSignpost is proud to have spent a full ten minutes looking at the scores on the award pages so you don't have to! Over on Writer of the Year Aleister in Chains has taken a lead of two points over Mhaille and Sog1970 who are tied in second place with 9 each. It looks as though WotY is set to be a real roller coaster thrill ride as the frontrunners approach the final furlong, looking to be the first to vault the pommel horse of victory and ultimately hit it out of the park for a triple 20 score of 180, all without potting the black... or getting knocked off their broomsticks. Meanwhile Uncyclopedian of the Year is interesting, if only to watch Uncyclopedians revelling in a completely non-gay celebration of how fantastic everyone else is, all except the leader, ironically, who this newspaper maintains is a work-shy wank-stain on the pants of life. The Top 10 articles of 2010 is almost finished and the leaders of the pack are becoming apparent, with Suddenly, Raccoons leading the pack and Gay whales in Darfur and A wizard did it tying for second place. There has been some comment on this positioning: mostly screams of horror that an article comprising 6 words could possibly competing for best article of the year, sighs of resignation as it inches closer to actually achieving that end and the snorting guffaws of the people voting for it as they accidentally eat the ends of their fingers while eating crisps and try to cross busy roads without looking. UnSignpost Disclaimer: All scores are correct at time of writing, if they change, as they inevitably will, why not look at it as a metaphor for our inability to understand the universe as it changes around us and leave this story alone? Panic, despair and anguish
 It was a fine day, and then Wikia came. They destroyed that which we hold dear, had the tenacity to upgrade the site, kidnapped our children after we refused to pay them for piping all the rats out of town, turned all our clocks backwards 3 hours and worst of all they turned Mordillo into a newt... but he got better. Yes, this week has seen another Wikia update, and our roving reporters have taken to the streets, in flak jackets naturally, to investigate the chaos currently engulfing Uncyclopedia, as people wake up to discover the changes to bits of the site they never used. First of all we stopped by the Village Dump, where the peasants are revolting, and some people are quite upset about the new changes. Chief among those people is Dexter111344, starter of the forum topic Technical difficulties with Wikimedia updates in January 2011; we didn't bother interviewing him as he looked quite mean, though this periodical does observe that Dexter has been protesting against regular bathing for some time now and nobody else really wants to talk to him. If you aren't Spang, Olipro or Lyrithya you won't have a clue what is going on, so we have condensed it down into a suitably stupid phrase just for you "Shit dun' got fucked up". From here we dropped by Wikia headquarters and, once we had obtained docking clearance and the shield on the forest moon was deactivated, we were able to speak to Stay classy, Uncyclopedia, and watch out for DPLs. If you find something that is badly broken and adversely effecting the running of the site as a whole then contact an administrator or an |
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~ 04:42, 27 January 2011
UnNews:Wanted at Uncyclopedia: Women[edit source]
As usual, a compelling photo means this story must lead. As well as attaching our usual "Wikia City" dateline, I touched up paragraph 2, which was vague about whether this was a proposal or a requirement, and paragraph 4, which read too colloquially.
Realizing that you had hung this chronic Uncyclopedia in-joke on the Davos news was an unexpected bonus. I got a kick out of a Bloomberg commentary on this: that women's point of view (and that would be...?) was 100% unrepresented because women at Davos were less than 20%. Apparently it takes many, many women to represent their point of view.
It looks like the bug in the new version of MediaWiki, in which the input box created your story in the wrong namespace, has now been fixed. Spıke ¬ 14:25 29-Jan-11
Thanks[edit source]
I logged on and the first thing I read lol lol lnol lnol then lol again was your mummy article. nlol but lol sometimes nlol very very funny page. Clever too. Aloleister 10:38 31-1-'11
- Just a drop in looking for ganja you may have dropped on the floor. Ah, there's some. And on mummy, "from the media" seems better and was one of my lollollol spots, "in shame" is implied and so is already included in the caption. And 'from the media' also builds in a large backstory of the media following and trying to interview the mummy. Just trying to save one of my lollloooollkn n[looollollol moments of this great page, to share with others. I'll light these droppings up now, thanks. Aleister 11:58 31-1-'11
UnNews:Mubarak steps up pressure on Egyptian fans[edit source]
This gets the 1-Spot just for being topical, replacing "Barter deal," a story I think was inserted here from our German counterpart. I changed entirely the reason you used "Pyramid scheme," just because it is a cute phrase and I wanted to fit it into the lead.
When your source quotes reliable sources, I wish you wouldn't transform it to "completely unreliable sources," because the humor is only evident to people who carefully compare the source, and to other readers, it takes some superficial credibility away from the story. The joke that UnNews is unreliable should only be inferred by the reader, not stated. Spıke ¬ 13:23 2-Feb-11
PS--I bumped it after a few hours in favor of the Blues Brothers, but it really was in the 1-Spot for a while. If you are counting. (And you are.) Spıke ¬ 19:16 2-Feb-11
The UnSignpost is now served with complimentary tacos.[edit source]
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
Feb 3rd, 2011 • Issue 106 • Can you feel the news melt?
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Awards and the winners thereof
 Those of you who were rapt by the news from last issue were doubtless concerned by the news of Wikia updates, however life around the wiki appears to be proceeding as normal, albeit with more swearing and misery. Despite this last week being quite a slow one as far as news goes, the UnSignpost refuses to simply lie back and think of England. Our roving reporters have sat down with the yearly award winners to find out just how it feels to  Next we stealthily followed Aleister in Chains to work to find out just how he felt about being named Writer of the Year. He had this to say, to someone else: "Everyone nominated deserved the award. Seriously. It's like chopping a baby up bit by bit (dibs on the heart and some of the toes)," which means he is a whole 10% more stable than last years winner! It seems only fair that we should speak to Mhaille, repeat Writer of the Year loser and bureaucrat; he said, "I'd like to thank all the voters who for the fifth year running didn't get me a WOTY award and all the people who took time out from their busy schedule of not being on Uncyclopedia to come back and offer their support in our annual awards." What a splendid fellow. We here at the UnSignpost are all agreed that it takes real talent to lose as gracefully as Mhaille does. In an unprecedented turn of events, Useless Gobshite of the Year was jointly received by both Arsehole and Twattycake; Twattycake also picked up the Uncyclopedian of the Year award in a final evening of voting that will go down in history as having happened last weekend. We haven't asked them for quotes, though Twattycake did manage to say something about being incredibly grateful to everyone who voted for him. He then tried to consume our correspondent's "essence," so we haven't got anything more from him. The Top 10 of 2010 extravaganza also concluded with Suddenly, Raccoons taking the top spot, closely followed by A wizard did it, Filial Piety and Gay whales in Darfur. Mhaille, who won't stop following our journalists around, said "This years "Top" 10 shows once again that people of taste and infinite comedic writing talent must be found soon to stop this travesty from ever occurring again". The top ten extravaganza will continue for a while longer as each of the articles in the top 10 is once again highlighted on the front page. With that, Uncyclopedia's voting season draws to a close, leaving the UnSignpost bereft of filler material. Again. UnNews update
 After spending the last several months in a sensory deprivation tank, Reverend zim ulator has returned to his position at Uncyclopedia, though only on a part-time basis, the slacker. In his absence, SPIKE has been doing a There have been some grumblings about the UnNews podcast, more specifically the lack of updates since last summer. As of today, the podcast has been updated with UnNews' latest audios, dating back to January 24 2010. By the time this article is published, the list should stretch back to last August or so. Go check it out now; we'll wait. UnFunnies on UnNews main page are being changed again, after a hiatus. The cartoonist had been hospitalized with juxtaposition atrophy for the last several months, keeping him from his easel. |
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~ 02:35, 3 February 2011
UnNews:Pakistan urged to free boy arrested for blasphemy[edit source]
Yeah, I see it; but it's mostly funny only in comparison with the Source article. On the surface, reads as though it could be literally true. Spıke ¬ 15:04 4-Feb-11
Just to say[edit source]
I haven't given up on the RnR article altogether. I'm just awaiting some inspiration as to how to reshape it. It took me a year to think how to change "Sack of Rome" into "Barbarians" and then it featured in a couple days. Hopefully it won't be that long. --Sog1970 22:51, February 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah, bro! Taking the racist POV is kinda funny, but many people here are uptight about race. And it's hard NOT to write inside jokes about R&R...we can't help that all these new kids never heard of THEM. Let me, know.--Funnybony
09:13, Feb 6
- Forgive me for kibitzing. I am not uptight about race but get uptight if an article from a POV doesn't make the POV clear--so you know it's not an actual rant--or if the joke rant seems too close to a real one. For example, the original Islam was in the voice of a Texas redneck, but that had gotten thoroughly lost by the time I arrived, and authentic rants had been inserted into it. Spıke ¬ 12:03 6-Feb-11
- Yeah, bro! Taking the racist POV is kinda funny, but many people here are uptight about race. And it's hard NOT to write inside jokes about R&R...we can't help that all these new kids never heard of THEM. Let me, know.--Funnybony
UnNews:Dr Congo opens centre for rapists[edit source]
What a dark turn these stories have taken lately! You should comb the US media, which report on the compassionate treatment of puppies and spouses abandoned on Super Bowl Sunday.
Do you mean for "Dr Congo" to be the name of the country (in which case you should capitalize as in the source), or did the reporter infer that there is a person called Doctor Congo who is running these rape centers? Spıke ¬ 11:29 6-Feb-11
- Dr Congo is a powerful person in charge of Congo. It seems that there is even a solution for rape. Cheers!--Funnybony 11:36, Feb 6
"UN special envoy on sexual violence"--Irony, right?! You've got the 3-Spot because the Super Bowl article has to lead today. Spıke ¬ 11:57 6-Feb-11
UnNews:Weird Al Yankovic flubs National Anthem[edit source]
'Fraid I am InB4 you on this one. Spıke ¬ 16:33 7-Feb-11
Awesome Nature-man "MOST DANGEROUS 15 SECONDS" extreme sports art[edit source]
This edition of the UnSignpost brought to you in two's complement...[edit source]
Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.
Feb 10th, 2011 • Issue 107 • The newspaper that you should really sign up for and read on your own talk page
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Surprise!
 Is this a bag of poo I see before me? Indeed it is, good sirs and questionable madams; surprising, isn't it?! See how we have magnificently crafted the title of the competition here? We used the word poo, so it's sophisticated and funny! Especially if we set it on fire! Yes, it is Poo Lit Surprise time and it has been since January the 18th! However the UnSignpost won't let being some 23 days late to the competition stop the relentless march of journalism. The competition has been hosted this time around by sexy Scot Sycamore. When asked about the competition, Sycamore told our reporter "Things have gone pretty well with PLS. I've enjoyed reading many of the entries, and the quality has been very impressive - hopefully we'll see some great features from some very good new and old writers". Now in light of these comments, you may be thinking, "There's a man with his head screwed on correctly, I must pop round to his house for tea and muffins next time I'm out on a jaunt round Scotland," but we implore you not to do this, because Sycamore is, to be frank, snooker-loopy.The competition is due to provide definitive results by the 13th, but the fierce intensity in the competition id rivalled only by Mordillo's intense desire not to do any judging until late March (he claims he has life issues) and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user's desire to avoid allocating a clear winner (he clearly has life issues). The UnSignpost would like to extend its congratulations to everyone who participated in the PLS; as we always say, every single one of you is a winner; it's just that most of you won't actually be winners. Big News!
 First, a confession: I have just lied to all of you; there is no big news to report. Just about everyone has gotten over the Wikia update frenzy of a few weeks ago, there are no big awards left to report on, no controversies or pregnancies, or indeed pregnancies or controversies. We, well, I say we; it's just me really - which makes the meetings and functions really dull- have thought and thought and thought about what to put in this space. Should we tell you about Socky's idea to have yet another chance to vote in case you weren't completely sick of voting by now? Or should we look for a part of the site that nobody edits much, like UnTunes or UnScripts? We were stumped until we hit upon the idea of reporting on how you are all bunch of slackers who haven't done anything interesting this week, and it's true, everyone except Sycamore has been happy to just plod along being vaguely useful, and the UnSignpost is here to tell you that this is entirely unacceptable. We see you every day, adding things to QVFD, patrolling Recent Changes, writing articles and generally hanging about the place being limber and stress free; your attitudes are what reduced Mordillo to the burnt out husk he is today. Not that this paper encourages drama or vandalism; we just want to see the wiki fall into rack and ruin and be there to chronicle every glorious second of it! As the flames leap high into the night sky, the UnSignpost would be there, finally making use of the flak jackets we were issued last summer. Think of the coverage! We could interview Wikia representatives in their bunker at the heart of Skynet! We could run messages across the darkened fields of open warfare to... Fredd's house, the heart of the Uncyclopedian resistance. Imagine the pictures: Olipro executed by Wikia for a particularly groundbreaking piece of code that actually works! Lyrithya brutally murdered in the dead of night by nobody in particular! Not using that fecking dog image we've been using since issue 2! So to conclude, there is no way for us to fill this space this week short of encouraging a violent revolution. We hope the lot of you are satisfied. |
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~ 02:25, 10 February 2011
UnNews:Illinois driver accused of hit-and-run with tree[edit source]
Oh, this one sucks. Source article is local and unremarkable, most of the humor comes from the source and not from you, and you explain the humor concept to the reader in the first paragraph. Yikes. On the other hand, nobody else is writing anything just now, and that's a compelling photo. Spıke ¬ 15:51 11-Feb-11
PS--Headline and photo are now on the Uncyclopedia main page--Still thinking about what to do on the UnNews Front Page. My own story today is preachy rather than side-splitting, but again, nobody else is writing anything. Spıke ¬ 16:04 11-Feb-11
- Yeah, that's pretty dumb - and I couldn't resist to play up the stupidity of leaving the crash and going home. The joke is the real story. But you should make your story as new lead...it's topical, and I got some laughs from it. Where is everyone these days? Some of these new comers give promise but shoot their wad way too soon. Fucking wimps!--Funnybony 16:46, Feb 11
- Yeah, that's pretty dumb - and I couldn't resist to play up the stupidity of leaving the crash and going home. The joke is the real story. But you should make your story as new lead...it's topical, and I got some laughs from it. Where is everyone these days? Some of these new comers give promise but shoot their wad way too soon. Fucking wimps!--Funnybony
Aw, twist my arm....I rewrote your lead (but didn't address the above problem), added to the photo caption, and inserted the concept of exchanging papers with the victim. Regarding the wimps, the total absence from the site of NickJonesUSA since 26-Jan is making my Goldstein nomination look bad. Spıke ¬ 17:29 11-Feb-11
UnNews:Utah bans marriages based on love[edit source]
Thanks for putting this one in shape. It is about something and it reads like news. It would be better if it ridiculed a piece of actual news, and I thought there must be a real source in Utah, but I don't see one. Same-sex marriages are already in violation of Amendment 3 to the Utah Constitution, and all the state legislature has done in the last month is look at some bills to tighten the screws further: against abortion and against special treatment for partners in contracts, such as wills. Spıke ¬ 22:28 12-Feb-11
UnNews:Obama creates superstate with US-World merger[edit source]
I am on the edge of mercy-moving this back to your userspace. I cannot tell whether your Source is a hoax or just paranoia.
- If it is a hoax, then it should not be on UnNews at all, as you are trying to wring humor out of someone else's humor.
- If it is paranoia, then it is not UnNews as we are here to take a bite out of the mainstream news (or the underlying reality) that our readers presumably follow.
- It is not reality. I stay current on the troubling ways that Obama tries to work around Congress (such as in regulating carbon dioxide or appointing "czars" rather than department heads who would have to be confirmed by the Senate). However, there is nothing about an agreement to harmonize US and Canadian regulation that would legally take the respective legislatures out of the loop.
I see how you have transformed the source. I don't see how you've added humor. The result is paranoid, the source is paranoid, and you can compare the two. Like ridiculing partisan extremists by putting fictional words in their mouths, the result is often indistinguishable from the real thing. Spıke ¬ 01:22 14-Feb-11
UnNews:Lawyers question legality of asteroid impact[edit source]
You letting someone else use your account? Spıke ¬ 00:42 15-Feb-11
- Thanks for the clean up. I like it absurd. Variety is the spice of life, my boy. I don't want to be a one angle, one dimensional stuck-in-a-rut reporter. I couldn't be that even if I wanted. Cheers!--Funnybony 09:18, Feb 15
- I will try to pass the law in my town. Aleister 12:45 15-2-'11
- Al, good idea. I'll do the same. Spread the word, "BAN the apocalypse". Jeez, man, that Yardbird's article still on VFH has made a lot of changes and somehow has 9 votes. Where is John Lydon, and my other friends? Cheers!--Funnybony 12:52, Feb 15
- I know, I've been watching it. It just picked up the ninth vote. Now an admin can instant-vote and feature it, which is how many nine vote features are featured. I too don't understand why the Yardbirds would be forgotten and forlorn. Yo, word, bro, would you like to get involved in the next frat collab, word, but we don't know what it will be yet. Skinfan is going to send out something about it. What's nice is that every frat collab has been featured. And hopefully the people on the streets in the middle east won't get them running the streets in your area again. Aleister 13:02 15-2-'11
- Al, good idea. I'll do the same. Spread the word, "BAN the apocalypse". Jeez, man, that Yardbird's article still on VFH has made a lot of changes and somehow has 9 votes. Where is John Lydon, and my other friends? Cheers!--Funnybony
- I will try to pass the law in my town. Aleister 12:45 15-2-'11
- Thanks for the clean up. I like it absurd. Variety is the spice of life, my boy. I don't want to be a one angle, one dimensional stuck-in-a-rut reporter. I couldn't be that even if I wanted. Cheers!--Funnybony
UnNews:Clinton picks new U.S. envoy to Afghanistan, Pakistan[edit source]
I am surprised to learn that the Secretary of State picks the envoy--or at least takes credit for it--but very well. Here you go. Spıke ¬ 03:49 16-Feb-11
Thankee, Goode Sir/Ma'am[edit source]
Thankee for supporting my featur'd and PLS winning Article.
I give Thanks for your goode and earnest Praise toward it.
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:48, February 16, 2011 (UTC)
Lurg luuurg unsignpost luuuuurg[edit source]
The Uncyclopedia UnSignpostTelling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
Feb 17th, 2011 • Issue 108 • The newspaper that won't be interrupted by some kind of nocturnal omniv-
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Who are these people?
 That's right, this week, Uncyclopedia has seen several old people reappear and start editing with the best of us. The first to appear was Codeine, who appeared on the wiki after previously dropping by only every few weeks to revert the anniversary pages and bemoan the general state of things; our forecasters are currently unsure whether we will see a full resurgence of Codeine, but they are hopeful that levels will continue to rise until everyone is crushed beneath Codeine's massive... mixed metaphor. Rcmurphy has also joined the wiki and can be sighted wandering around on recent changes, asking silly questions and trying and failing to create articles; we asked our forecasters what they thought about Rcmurphy and the chances of him staying here, but apparently they don't care about "some noob".  Anyone who has not had a chance to speak to either Codeine or Rcmurphy should head to their talk pages right now and ask about their Mum and offer to adopt them, respectively. Be gentle with these two aged Uncyclopedians; remember, everything was far simpler in their day. When they were your age, all of this was fields, Mordillo was happy, the servers frolicked in a Wikia free wonderland and you were still a glint in your Mother's eye. We were lucky enough not to sit down with Codeine, but can predict with frightening accuracy that he would have said "Would you like a mint imperial?" if we had. You can't actually sit down with Rcmurphy because he has lost his 'sitting down and giving quotes to the UnSignpost' glasses, so we don't have a proper quote from him either. We can live with this and so can you. Remember, if you edit hard and eat your greens, you too could be just like Codeine and Rcmurphy in a few short years; how awesome would that be?! Suddenly News!
 So it was, with a mixture of relief and apathy, that the top 10 extravaganza drew to a close and it was revealed to everyone with no knowledge of the chronology of numbers which article claimed the top spot. Suddenly, Raccoons joins Dragon Warrior, AAAAAAAAA!, Captain Obvious, You Are Dead and the awkward tie from 2008 in the grand cupboard of Uncyclopedia where it shall remain as an example of how to write an Uncyclopedia article. The UnSignpost refuses to congratulate Hyperbole for writing Uncyclopedia's favorite article three years running, since doing so would run contrary to our aim of ultimately crushing him with the futility of his own existence. Hyperbole: You suck. In other news, the PLS scores have been added up; anybody who has been peeking at the results page while it was being created should report to Uncyclopedia HQ for the customary 15 lashes of the cat (the same punishment for reading this periodical before it is delivered), but should also be aware that ties in the PLS are unacceptable - don't ask why; they just are - and any ties have been broken with the help of the A quick word on the forums: Poo. That was fun wasn't it? The final item of news for you this week is that Zombiebaron, everybody's favourite flesh-devouring chocolate flavoured |
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~ 06:13, 17 February 2011
UnNews:Russian Roulette: Computer beats human rivals[edit source]
Second recent humor-news from you that has begun with a mention of the mechanics of writing humor! Do you think you are Saturday Night Live in the fifth year, when they all decided that we are really just acting, so let's show the audience the stage and the APPLAUSE light? Please try not to blow our cover! This is a news service! Spıke ¬ 01:44 18-Feb-11
UnNews:Pirates hijack USS Enterprise[edit source]
You can't write about the USS Enterprise without stirring in a little Star Trek! This might get the 1-Spot, as Kip the Dip is working on a counterpoint to Aleister's head-up-the-ass piece that is there right now, and I'll want to run them side-by-side. Spıke ¬ 13:56 19-Feb-11
PS--Renamed as shown above. Lead with the lead, even if your Source didn't. That the crew is held hostage was a predictable minor point. Spıke ¬ 14:19 19-Feb-11
UnNews:Peruvians placed at risk at soccer match[edit source]
Retitled and reworked. Spıke ¬ 11:53 20-Feb-11
UnSignnull pointer exception[edit source]
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
Feb 24th, 2011 • Issue 109 • Just heat and serve!
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Poo Aftermath
We write on what is, for the UnSignpost, a very sad day. It is sad because the Poo Lit Surprise has concluded and thus, after this story, we will once again be bereft of material to fill the eternal white space which mocks us every time we begin a new issue. Nevertheless, we have resolved to wring the final droplets of news from the damp flannel of the PLS; it's easier than thinking, you see. After the ties and laziness of the judging process had been overcome, through the miracles of adding up and generally being unfair, Sycamore was finally able to reveal the winners to the world. As you would expect, the UnSignpost staff were all otherwise occupied while he was doing
this, but have not only swung by the winners circle and spoken to the few contestants who don't yet have restraining orders against us but have also fetched the scores from the competition page thus saving you from the horrors of excessive reading once again. The winner of the coveted Best The Best Illustrated Article category broke all known records by having only three entrants and then being unable to select one to triumph over the others; it was eventually decided that - since we edit in a corrupt aristocracy where the cabal secretly decides everything - the two admins would win together and Lyrithya could have the supreme honour of being runner up! Lyrithya was permitted this enviable honour for a second time in the Best Rewrite category where she and Black flamingo11 lost to Thekillerfroggy. The UnSignpost would, as is customary, like to offer its congratulations to all the contestants and its thanks to all the judges for ensuring that the competition failed to run smoothly; thanks also go to Sycamore for It's all going to end in tears
 Like the eviction notices that keep arriving at UnSignpost HQ, the imminent threat of No, not really; while the spectre of remotely possible drama does indeed hang over our heads, there is no reason to stop drop and roll just yet, though this week tension has ramped up a notch as a proposal to change the rules of the mythical other form of VFS was raised in the forums. The idea was pioneered by Electrified mocha chinchilla who suggests that the present system is unfair and is calling for change. Hyperbole has also voiced his opposition to the present system by making it sound like we are editing in a slightly less humane version of Stalin's Russia, where  Olipro has taken advantage of the preoccupation with most of the active userbase in fighting to the death in the Ministry of Love to propose the locking of the sandbox talk page. What fun he must be at parties. The UnSignpost will continue to monitor the situation, but just remember, admin rights are just like haemorrhoids; sooner or later every arsehole gets them. Think about that. |
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~ 07:42, 24 February 2011
Hey![edit source]
Funnybony! My buddy! Come here! I LOVE YOU FUNNYBONY, I JUST LOVE YOU cause that's what BFF ussualy do, right? Also my article is on VFH and I thought you may wanted to vote 
For. it. Bye bye friend. --~ 
09:17, February 26, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:IMF calls for dollar alternative as oil spikes[edit source]
Rewritten almost completely, as it is very hard to tell what is funny about this spork, and mixing in conspiracy talk--both about central banking and that the US might profit from environmental analysis-paralysis by saving our own oil for last--further confounds the humor. Spıke ¬ 18:09 27-Feb-11
UnNews:Qaddafi: al-Qaeda should apologize 'while licking my feet'[edit source]
A masterful blurring of two notorious celebrity ranters! I'll update the Front Page in about six hours. Spıke ¬ 18:09 1-Mar-11
- Haaa! I thought you would like that. Sorry for the double-header, but I saw the same joke in two ways and couldn't resist a quickie. Cheers!--Funnybony 19:54, Mar 1
UnNews:Samuel Jackson rips Oscars on diversity[edit source]
This headline needs to be shortened--is RIPS shouting or an acronym? You are on a good track, but please keep working on this, if you would, with more dispassionate analysis to go with the melodrama. What IS with the all-capitals? Spıke ¬ 17:16 2-Mar-11
- It was like that in the actual source story. Not my idea. Please change it if need be. It's a one-joke short article. Cheers!--Funnybony 18:01, Mar 2
Sorry; I failed to read your source. Sheesh! they don't want me as an editor! Still, taking theatrics out of headlines is a bigger value to me than imitating the source exactly. Spıke ¬ 19:17 2-Mar-11
PS--It's one-and-a-half jokes now. Spıke ¬ 19:24 2-Mar-11
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Diversity warning
This UnNews story was written by a white guy, and edited by another white guy. |
UnNews:“Beam me up, Scotty” is possible with lasers, say scientists[edit source]
This one lacks a real concept, but I think I have one: Assisting the couch-potato. Spıke ¬ 14:32 3-Mar-11
- Spike: You did a super great job on this one. I think it's more than twice as good now. Funny stuff. Cheers!--Funnybony 16:00, Mar 3
Pleased to hear it, but am not done; just ducked out to the coffee shop.... Spıke ¬ 17:21 3-Mar-11
Now it's done, complete with a description of how the idea occurred to the researchers. Spıke ¬ 20:37 3-Mar-11
All the UnSignpost you ever wanted[edit source]
I love it when the news comes together
March 3rd, 2011 • Issue 110 • Be sure to listen carefully for the Satanic messages!
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Hip Hop Admin Master Mixer
 Yes, that's right, it's all here: votes for temporary adminship. Two things that are immediately noticeable to those looking at forum is that the community is divided and that it isn't funny at all. Even the permanently enthusiastic joke Dolphins kept in the dream filled creativity lake outside UnSignpost HQ are struggling to provide any inspiration for jokes to be made on this subject, and reading the forums pertaining to this is about as funny as having a brick thrown in your face only to wake up and discover there is a gas bill tied to it. That is why the UnSignpost refuses to make any mention of it again ever. The UnSignpost would instead like to draw your attention to this picture of a Dog dressed as a Lobster, and feels that there is greater allegorical significance to it than is immediately apparent. To help us out we spent a huge amount of money that we just found on getting an interview with Professor Oswald that ends wald who has spent his life studying stuff!  We were permitted to observe as he perused the picture, occasionally sniffing our correspondent's hair and twitching. After falling over twice and arguing with a nearby desk fan, the professor mused: "If there's one thing your average sweet old lady really likes, it's a damn good row over a few pence..." and from looking at the picture, the UnSignpost can certainly see how he came to this conclusion; if you can't, then you aren't looking hard enough. Our reporter watched in fascination as the Professor stumbled around the room and appeared to develop his prior assertion: "The other things old ladies enjoy are drinking sherry and racism." Truly thought-provoking. The professor finally stood swaying in front of the picture and his eyes seemed to clear in a glorious moment of clarity. "Fuck me, that's an ugly Dog!" he proclaimed before collapsing into a heap on the floor. Got an opinion on everything but no knowledge of anything? Be an UnSignpost authority on nothing! Contact recruitment today! Pooper scoopers and General stuff
Poo. Yes, poo. It's the Dilithium crystal equivalent for Uncyclopedia in that the place couldn't work without it, but nobody is quite sure why. Unlike taking the piss, taking the Poop is a job that not just anyone can do, and the poopsmiths are the chosen few who are permitted to archive the important pages; this reduces the number of This week has seen a new Poopsmith appointed to the order, Lyrithya. When asked to comment on this, she said, "It makes me feel as though a great gong has sounded in my loins," which at least demonstrates the appropriate mindset for the job. In other news, the Earth continued to orbit the Sun and through the unrelenting march of time another month has ended and the monthly awards duly dished out to people who don't deserve them. Socky took Writer of the Month, something which has left him as cheerful as can be (we assume), Black flamingo11 took Uncyclopedian of the month, something which as left him pleased as punch (we assume) and new fellow Rpm snatched Noob of the Month from under Rcmurphy's nose, something which has left them respectively pleased and miserable (we assume). Finally; Uncyclopedians have been sharing their pathetic stories of how they came to edit the site. It's all undeniably homosexual, especially the parts concerning supposed women. The UnSignpost editorial team certainly won't be contributing to Uncyclopedia's very own Princess Diaries; we came to be here in the normal way: an accident involving a van, a tin of baked beans, a large vat of sherbet and 50,000 volts of direct current. |
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~ 16:08, 3 March 2011
Funnybony, I see you logged on![edit source]
Hello! Thanks for voting for my pages, they couldn't have gotten where they are except for your votes. And I miss collabing with you (tears of a clown). We seemed to stop collabing at Mike Tyson, and when he came onto the site looking for you you got out the back door and seldom come back except for UnNews. Tyson is still looking for you, and when he finds you, oh boy. Protect the face. Aleister 21:56 5-3-'11
- Hey Bro! Yeah, I still send in UnNews lately. And I have a few good pages ready to Nom and FA before I do any new ones, such as HowTo:Be absurdly funny and not just a content freak. Like Joe Pesci is soooo FA worthy. After a few of my really good pages get featured I'll be back. Stay cool. I sent email too. Cheers!--Funnybony 22:08, Mar 5
- Tyson is still looking for you, that's why you don't come back. I haven't checked my email in a few days, will talk to you there. Aleister seconds later
- I nommed Joe Pesci again, and am surprised it didn't pass the previous time. I've got a Joe Pesci story to tell you if I ever get around to my emails again. Must make time later, oh look, a birdy.. .Aleister 18:26 6-3-'11
- Tyson is still looking for you, that's why you don't come back. I haven't checked my email in a few days, will talk to you there. Aleister seconds later
- Hey, cool! I also have no idea why it missed the first go around. Flamingo is Collaborator on that. I'll vote for it if other people do. Yeah, tell me the story... by email.. Y/bro,--Funnybony 18:15, Mar 7
- Thanks for the nom nom nom, all I can say is nomnomnom, thanks! Aleister 20:36 8-3-'11
- Hey Bro! Yeah, I still send in UnNews lately. And I have a few good pages ready to Nom and FA before I do any new ones, such as HowTo:Be absurdly funny and not just a content freak. Like Joe Pesci is soooo FA worthy. After a few of my really good pages get featured I'll be back. Stay cool. I sent email too. Cheers!--Funnybony
RnR[edit source]
Hey, not spoken to you for a while. I haven't given up on RnR, I'm just waiting for the right voice for the article to come to me, Barbarians took two years, There'll Always be an England? took a year?, Interview witha vampire took at least eighteen months and I knew these articles would work somehow if I just waited long enough to work out how to presenbt the idea. Barbarians failed vfh twice under a different title. We'll get there - eventually. --Sog1970 22:47, March 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Soggy! How are you? Sure, let me know when you're ready. My shortcoming is that I know music of the 60s and 80s, but missed the 70s (I was a monk in India), and the 90s (ugh). So Rock and roll is a huge subject. How about filling out or rewriting Psychedelic music? I bet you could add a lot and we could get that featured first. Please let me know. Cheers!--Funnybony 18:15, Mar 7
- Soggy! How are you? Sure, let me know when you're ready. My shortcoming is that I know music of the 60s and 80s, but missed the 70s (I was a monk in India), and the 90s (ugh). So Rock and roll is a huge subject. How about filling out or rewriting Psychedelic music? I bet you could add a lot and we could get that featured first. Please let me know. Cheers!--Funnybony
- Actually, a smaller slice might work. I think people will object to the long list. We'd have to find a way of weaving some prose around that, I reckon. Worth a go though, could be fun!--Sog1970 20:53, March 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Sure, bro! Perhaps turn the list into a para of styles with example bands/songs. I have given a good outline. But lots of fun could be had by us on this because it was the most far out that music ever got, and was a 60s phenom. John Peel's fav music. Please have your way with it. You maybe copy the working model onto your user space so we can both work it further. Rock out, Soggy! And let me know. Cheers!!!--Funnybony 12:07, Mar 9
I'll get to it over the next few days. i really like the introduction, I'm thinking making it a documentary by John Peel might be fun - though aside from you, only the Brits are likely to have any idea who he is so it may have to be a little more over the top than Peel's laconic style.--Sog1970 21:57, March 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey you guys, can I take a crack at it once you get done, Sog. If psychedelic music is going to get featured at 1/2 credit rate I'd feel left out not having a hand in it. If I do good, keep me, if I can't improve it, dump me on the side of the road. Can I play, huh, huh. can I? Aleister 23:53 11-3-'11
Fine by me. I had a go at re-writing the top couple of paragraphs (before the list) though I think I'll still try to do them as a Peel narrated documentary eventually. Is this okay? It's your thing really so I tried to stay close to the original. I think we may need to miss a few bands from the list. I like psychedelic music and a few names are only vaguely familiar to me. Fancy adding a brief description of your idea of their style to some of them and then we can weave them into a few paragraphs of prose. Also, what was Syd Barrett actually like before he lost it? I'd like to think he was a nice bloke.--Sog1970 00:14, March 12, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey Sog, Al, yeah, I was in London scene when Syd was at his best. He took a lot of acid, including on stage (BAD idea - like, "Oh man, where the fuck am I? Who are all these people? Shit, I have to do something? But what? Wait! I recognize that. That's a song..music. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to sing next, cool! But, shit! I forgot the words! What song is this any way?" He acted almost purposefully crazy. He was also very arrogant - while not adverse to copy any good ideas when he saw them. He saw us at the Marquee and copied our act so fast that it came in the UK news papers - how embarrassing for him. Poor boy never recovered. Now I'll go check the progress...back soon. Cheers!--Funnybony 12:47, Mar 12
- Thanks. But as of now, looking at it again, I don't know if I could add much which would enhance the page. I will suggest that Funnybony put in lots more personal history, that you give us even more insider information about the scene (such as the Syd Barrett story above) and observations made both in public and in private. Since you lived it - and as you know I'm not at all in agreement with this "no content" label we have at uncy - please make it so real that we can taste the mushrooms (yech, I've never had them new so just know the "old mushroom" taste). Make sense? Aleister 13:34 12-3-'11
- Naa, Al, some people hate personalized writing like above. It's OK to friends for a talk page. Please add what ever you like. I changed the tone of the intro to be more British, like John Peel is talking. Howzit, bro?--Funnybony 13:50, Mar 12
- That's too bad, because it's not just any page but an article about something you lived thru and know very well. Doesn't have to be total facts, but humour mixed with factual data. I try to include personal knowledge in many of my pages, like Puddle of shit which I've lived thru and know like the back of my hand, and your insights and a little antecdotal (sp?) knowledge would do nothing but greatly improve an already good article and make it a standout not only on this site but in the historical record of psychedelic music. Aleister 14:00 12-3-'11
- p.s. Woah, I see the lines about liking or not liking the first beautiful pic have been removed. I thought those were perfect when I saw the page a couple of months ago, they are what drew me into the feeling of the experience, to try to make some of the page like a psychedelic trip for the reader (the first pic is perfect for that).
- That's too bad, because it's not just any page but an article about something you lived thru and know very well. Doesn't have to be total facts, but humour mixed with factual data. I try to include personal knowledge in many of my pages, like Puddle of shit which I've lived thru and know like the back of my hand, and your insights and a little antecdotal (sp?) knowledge would do nothing but greatly improve an already good article and make it a standout not only on this site but in the historical record of psychedelic music. Aleister 14:00 12-3-'11
- Soggy, sorry, I was not logged on for some edits (those numbers are me, or somethin'). Al, what picture are you referring to? Please replace those lines, bro! More later.--Funnybony 19:13, Mar 12
- Hey up. THe first picture is the thing that drew me to the article first time i saw it. IO say that must stay. I tried to change that second section into something you could have heard on any Peel session over the last forty years by including a few favourite John Peel quotes and making them fit the time. I'm thinking that we should write the whole article as a Perfumed Garden documentary on Psychedelia (which I can't seem to spell consistently) by having a brief Peel-like comment followed by a suitable record (in the form of a picture of the band, or a youtube video or a random psych-like picture). What do you think so far? Worth a shot?--Sog1970 09:32, March 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Also, That's rather what i thought Syd would have been like. Actually, I always thought it was rick Wright who was the under-rated one, and we've all made a big fuss aboput Syd because of the tragic aspect. Sadly, I'd probably have had more in common with Roger water, however, grumpy and irritatble.--Sog1970 09:32, March 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Soggy! That's a really good idea. Make the entire thing in quotes with no headers - a long show. Yea, we can show all those bands and add his comments with band pics would be best. I thinned out the list but it's hard to thin further. But yea, please take them in order. Have John introduce each style with a song and a band with picture. It wouldn't be too long with small pictures. But all text in quotation marks, as a on air narrative. And the ending bits are good subjects but too thin and need more info and rap. Please go for it... Looking wayyyy better. BTW: I removed a line that Al's referring to and can't find it now going through history. I can start collecting band pictures of the listy list.
- Hey up. THe first picture is the thing that drew me to the article first time i saw it. IO say that must stay. I tried to change that second section into something you could have heard on any Peel session over the last forty years by including a few favourite John Peel quotes and making them fit the time. I'm thinking that we should write the whole article as a Perfumed Garden documentary on Psychedelia (which I can't seem to spell consistently) by having a brief Peel-like comment followed by a suitable record (in the form of a picture of the band, or a youtube video or a random psych-like picture). What do you think so far? Worth a shot?--Sog1970 09:32, March 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey Sog, Al, yeah, I was in London scene when Syd was at his best. He took a lot of acid, including on stage (BAD idea - like, "Oh man, where the fuck am I? Who are all these people? Shit, I have to do something? But what? Wait! I recognize that. That's a song..music. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to sing next, cool! But, shit! I forgot the words! What song is this any way?" He acted almost purposefully crazy. He was also very arrogant - while not adverse to copy any good ideas when he saw them. He saw us at the Marquee and copied our act so fast that it came in the UK news papers - how embarrassing for him. Poor boy never recovered. Now I'll go check the progress...back soon. Cheers!--Funnybony
In 60s UK scene the most arrogant snob I ever met was Mitch Mitchell, and the nicest guy I ever met was Jim McCarty of the Yardbirds, the most loony was Pretty Things drummer Viv Prince, and the most surprising live talent I ever saw (back then) was Jeff Beck with Rod Stewart TRUTH show. Cheers!--Funnybony 09:50, Mar 13
- let's do it then. I'v never understood why Jeff Beck wasn't bigger. Doesn't surprise me about Mitch Mitchell though. I picked up Noel Redding's autobiography on some street stall in Johannesburg years ago - he was well and truly screwed over by Chas Chadler and the record company (no surprise there) and (disappointingly) the Hendrix family. Then Mitch Mitchell screwed him over as well, classy! --Sog1970 11:48, March 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Taking self-deprecation a little far, I think.--Sog1970 13:53, March 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, now the downside to this approach has become apparent - how do we stick the bottom sections in?
- Well, Soggy, if we can work them or any of their ideas into the show-rant then okay, otherwise they be "gone motherfuckas!" Hey, great pic of John. After his death BBC did a special program on his private box of records and they interviewed our band for that. It's really exciting to have a guy like Peel on record saying in 1967 that our record was, to his mind, the best ever recorded; and then, at the end of his life, he told Readers Digest we were the greatest band he had ever seen. So all his entire life we meant that much to him. He put us in his Peelinium List of Greatest Songs of the 20th century, for 1966, together with Beatles and Hendrix. But at the time it was a huge disappointment when we were crushed. But the music lives on through the recording technology. Anyway, see if you can add those last ideas to the "show", otherwise DELETE. Somehow the lists look warrented as a list read out by Peel on air...? What do you think about Peel reciting the lists? Cheers!--Funnybony 17:43, Mar 13
- Starting to look kind of like I imagined! Shame about the loss of the zebra - I rather liked that pic. --Sog1970 16:49, March 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, Soggy, if we can work them or any of their ideas into the show-rant then okay, otherwise they be "gone motherfuckas!" Hey, great pic of John. After his death BBC did a special program on his private box of records and they interviewed our band for that. It's really exciting to have a guy like Peel on record saying in 1967 that our record was, to his mind, the best ever recorded; and then, at the end of his life, he told Readers Digest we were the greatest band he had ever seen. So all his entire life we meant that much to him. He put us in his Peelinium List of Greatest Songs of the 20th century, for 1966, together with Beatles and Hendrix. But at the time it was a huge disappointment when we were crushed. But the music lives on through the recording technology. Anyway, see if you can add those last ideas to the "show", otherwise DELETE. Somehow the lists look warrented as a list read out by Peel on air...? What do you think about Peel reciting the lists? Cheers!--Funnybony
- Wow, Soggy! Good job. I read it all. And I just ran it through spell check and grammar check to be sure and it's pretty close to ready. That was fast. But then again, I started it about 3 years ago. It looks great to be now. WDYT?--Funnybony 18:46, Mar 14
- I'd give it a couple of days to see if anything occurs and shove it up for pee at the same time - that was a waste of time up until recently but the backlog seems to have gone and I always find it helpful to get an opinion from someone unconnected. One thing, it's your call but since it's a Peel Session now - shouldn't the spellings be proper English? -ise rather than -ize, rigour, haemorrhoid etc Not that spelling is really my forte--Sog1970 23:22, March 14, 2011 (UTC)
- I see no reason not transfer it to mainspace though. You can give it a new title or replace the page it started out as - I leave that to you.Sog1970 23:25, March 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Plus, you're going to have to tell the world more about being a monk some time. There must surely be an article in that.Sog1970 23:26, March 14, 2011 (UTC)
- I see no reason not transfer it to mainspace though. You can give it a new title or replace the page it started out as - I leave that to you.Sog1970 23:25, March 14, 2011 (UTC)
- I'd give it a couple of days to see if anything occurs and shove it up for pee at the same time - that was a waste of time up until recently but the backlog seems to have gone and I always find it helpful to get an opinion from someone unconnected. One thing, it's your call but since it's a Peel Session now - shouldn't the spellings be proper English? -ise rather than -ize, rigour, haemorrhoid etc Not that spelling is really my forte--Sog1970 23:22, March 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay, Soggy, I replaced the old version with your new version. It is up for Pee now. You're 100% right on the British spelling - can you change where necessary? I simply ran through a spell checker and that converted to US spelling. It should be British spelling. Really good one, Sog!--Funnybony 06:19, Mar 15
- Ah, now the downside to this approach has become apparent - how do we stick the bottom sections in?
UnSignpost: March 10th, 2011[edit source]
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
March 10th, 2011 • Issue 111 • Make mine a Shandygaff!
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Temporary admins and temporary brains
 It's official - temporary Administrators have arrived on Uncyclopedia. After the frantic discussion and voting, several unlucky losers have been selected from amongst the great unwashed masses and made to shovel through a never-ending pile of manure for 6 hours a day, every day, as is the tradition. The Losers: Hyperbole, perhaps the most vocal critic of the old "regime": Hyperbole is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and the complete works of Karl Marx. Regrettably, Hyperbole has not been in IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from him, so we have decided that when asked to comment, he said, "I feel like Moses, leading my people to the promised land," and we must say that he does look like Moses, except Moses probably wore more clothes and bathed more frequently. He was chosen because: The Cabal wishes him to suffer. Lyrithya, perhaps the most unsettlingly strange Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick (after Modusoperandi): Lyrithya is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and a large banana. Regrettably, Lyrithya has been in the IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from her; when asked to comment she said, "The temporary admins all suck," and we must say that they do all suck; real admins probably wear more clothes and bathe more frequently. She was chosen because: She moans more than anyone else in the history of the human race and the Cabal wishes her to suffer.  PuppyOnTheRadio, perhaps the most Australian Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: PuppyOnTheRadio is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and <insert relevant Australian stereotype here>. Regrettably, PuppyOnTheRadio escaped from his bonds before our editor could extract a quote from him, so we have decided he said, "Crikey mates! This sheila ain't half crowded by ankle biting nongs!," and we must say that we would agree entirely if we knew what that means. He was chosen because: He is not a poofter and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, perhaps the most active Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: Socky is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and pair of cat ears. Regrettably, Socky destroyed the reactor core before our editor could He was chosen because: He r0xxorz our sox0rrz and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. The Winners: Rcmurphy, Under user, Codeine and Thekillerfroggy. The less said about them, the better. It returns
The one hour writing competition, originally conceived by Dr. Skullthumper last year (details here) and the European version of the same, hosted by Mordillo shortly afterwards (details here), is returning to Uncyclopedia very shortly. While no firm date has yet been fixed for the competitions, investigative reporting reveals that it is being planned for later this month or early next month, or perhaps the month after that. You are urged to watch the forums and anticipate with mounting anticipation the announcement of a date for the competition. In other news: ChiefjusticeDS is the best admin of all time, it's snowing and Roman Dog Bird still sucks balls. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 03:05, March 10, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:France recognizes American rebels[edit source]
It's in the 3-Spot, after I added a comedy plan to it--rather than fit it to a fantasy Second Civil War, made it fit real-world political drama happening right now, thereby managing to ridicule all sides. Spıke ¬ 13:40 11-Mar-11
Greetings.[edit source]
It has come to my attention that you have recently voted for one or more of my articles on VFH. I don't recall what they were, and I don't know if the records are entirely accurate, so if you have received this message in error, you have my sincerest apologies.
Otherwise, thank you for your support in my quest to pretend that I am capable of writing. It is most appreciated.
This copy-pasted spam message is brought to you by: ~ 07:04, 13 March 2011
Michael Tyson[edit source]
Congrats on the coveted double-feature (two on the main page template at once)! Nice. And Tyson was a long haul, longer for you than for me, but look, he smiles from the main page. And I'm glad the classic version got chronicled too, that was a good one. The psychedelic page looks real good, and I have nothing to add (except maybe that one quote I liked that was taken away). Good work you guys. Aleister 11:57 Ideas of March '11
- Thanks to you. Hey, please add the quote you're referring to...I forgot what it was. Iron Butterfly had a big mention. If you think it ready please nom it. Otherwise its headed for a Pee. Cheers!--Funnybony 12:42, Mar 15
- I'll look back in the history for it. I'm of the belief that it's always good to get a review, another pair of eyes on the thing. Hopefully the reviewer is on some good mushrooms though. Speaking of soma, I liked your unnews of the psychedlic pioneer (I can't spell his name from memory so won't even try), although a sad occasion. Aren't many of those giants left, and you did his memory justice. Aleister 12:30 Ide(a)s of March '11
- Oh yeah, nothing like Owsley Acid. His name was legend even in 1966. RIP--Funnybony 12:42, Mar 15
- Thanks to you. Hey, please add the quote you're referring to...I forgot what it was. Iron Butterfly had a big mention. If you think it ready please nom it. Otherwise its headed for a Pee. Cheers!--Funnybony
WHRE YOU FGTTNG OFF MOTHERFUCKER What the fuck I ever do too you. Funnybony. I should stick your ufnnyboy into your brain motherfucker. I wish I can stick my fist right into this screen and pull you out mohterfucker. Then I'd teach you where the teaching dont shine. Fuck you. Mike Tyson. I don't apprecite what you've done. Motherf
But Mr Tyson, Sir! It's a great honor to be featured in Uncyclopedia.--Funnybony 08:15, Mar 16
- I'm sure what Funnybony meant to say is fuck you Tyson. Go fight Buster Douglas again. Go find him and fight him, just ambush him coming out of a store, shove his nose into his brain. Then you can have something to say about the article. And Funnybony, thanks for the vote on Skunk. very appreciated. That was an interesting page to write, and just emerged from nothing. And what's good is that it's above Mike Tyson's comprehension level, so he will never read it. Aleister 9:07 16-3-'11
UnNews:Earthquake weapon test takes heat off Libya[edit source]
In addition to my rewording of your fourth paragraph, this UnNews does not read as much like news as it could, because you repeatedly state conclusions and interpretations rather than, for example, stand up "interviewees" to do it for you, or better yet, write so as to lead your reader to draw those conclusions for himself.
Another bit about the Federal Reserve and the New World Order doesn't fit. I gave my personal opinions on the underlying issues last time. Making this UnNews about a specific event into an essay about paranoia in general dilutes it, and this part reads like advocacy. Spıke ¬ 15:05 16-Mar-11
- Political satire is an honored form of satire. It is often the only real form of commentary in a situation. And there is no such rule as "advocacy", it's an opinion that you have, SPIKE, that people shouldn't advocate in Unnews stories (see above, on political satire). I haven't read the page in question yet, just general observations. Aleister 2:52 17-3-'11
Aleister, then do read the story and tell me if you don't agree that the stuff about the Fed and the NWO doesn't strike you as coming out of the blue and make you wonder whether Funnybony is, in these sentences, trying to make you laugh or teach you something. My opinion against the latter is no more than the official opinion that we are here to put humor first rather than proselytizing; the next time a Holy Roller touches down and tries to use Uncyclopedia or UnNews to save souls, you will be on the same side as I am. Spıke ¬ 03:02 17-Mar-11
- Well, not the best work you've done, Funnybony. I laughed at the pic and at the last line "our hearts go out go. . .whatever that means". I'll put in a few minutes hard labour on the page before signing off for now. And if a holy roller got within 50 feet of uncyclopedia we'd call out the Uncy Air Force (UAF) to napalm them where they stand. Aleister 3:09 17-3-'11
- p.s. did a little over 30 minutes in the slave mine on the page. Time to play elsewhere. . .
AdminBots presents: The UnSignpost[edit source]
Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.
March 17th, 2011 • Issue 112 • <insert name here>'s favourite periodical! Ever!!
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General news round-up
It has been another action-packed week on Uncyclopedia! As is our custom on such busy news weeks, the UnSignpost isn't reporting anything in particular. Uncyclopedians all over the world were shocked to see VFH be placed under Martial Law, a development unseen since 2009. Uncyclopedia actually sucked so much that the VFH page stacked up a staggering 26 nominations at one time. Our reporters planned to attend an emergency meeting of the Cabal to discuss the matter, but inexplicably were suddenly invited to spend the day playing water polo with the Somalian Rugby Team. According to our correspondent, "They have such massive thighs!". Martial law has now ended, but it did remind us all of the good old days where martial law was a state of being and where banning Cajek was still original! Elsewhere on the wiki, the temporary admins are still the temporary admins and we here at the UnSignpost can honestly say that watching them ban each other and delete pages has been a 24 hour hobby for the last couple of weeks. The wiki has also braced for the Great Image Exodus. Zombiebaron, having tired of slaughtering articles, has turned his smouldering gaze upon a list of Uncyclopedia's unused images. During the last week, the whole list was available for users to look at and save any images they wish to use; if you have lost an image that was close to your heart anyway, then simply contact an administrator and ask, then ask again when the first ban expires! Above all the Cabal assures users not to panic, to remain in their homes and to be sure to read the UnSignpost every Thursday! Everything else appears to be as normal; Black flamingo11 and Lyrithya are doing a superb job of keeping Pee Review running as ChiefjusticeDS's incredible record-breaking run of apathy continues. Also, people who don't deserve it are still winning awards, but this paper is forced to accept that it will always be thus. Finally, Uncyclopedia cannot fail to recognise the tragedy that has taken place in Japan and asks that you consider donating something to help those who have suffered and are still suffering as a result. Happy Monkey!
 The Happy Monkey competition concluded without incident, which is a relief, since if there had been a crisis, the UnSignpost wouldn't have been able to understand why. We spent literally hours trying to figure out how it worked before concluding that it was a stupid competition and that we were above reporting on anything with Monkey written in all caps in the title. Have a look at the scoring table for yourself and if you say you know what it all means then you are going to hell for lying (reading the competition rules doesn't count; words are for losers). However by a process of adding up that we don't quite understand, competition host Shabidoo declared that Thekillerfroggy had won. A lot of hard work went into this competition from everyone involved, and as such, it deserves nothing but your contempt; hard work hasn't ever gotten anybody anywhere they wanted to be and that's a fact! Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to the worst 100 list for this year! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the list when new things happen. Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to Benson's House of Pancakes! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the forum immediately. |
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~ 05:10, 17 March 2011
WHERMY ARTICLE GO- Bring it back. I told all mu frineds to look at me on the website uncyclepodia and they tell me ;No Mike we do not seez it' WHERE IS IT? What the fuck kind of place are your runnin ther Funnybony? BRING MY ARTILCE BACK Mike Tyson
UnNews:Glenn Beck credits God with earthquake-tsunami[edit source]
I was late featuring this article on the Front Page because my first reaction twelve hours ago was to shut off my computer and do yard work.
Now, any time you want to ridicule Glenn Beck, particularly on any day he opens his mouth, you are welcome to; but don't start an UnNews by essentially saying, "Glenn Beck, who is a fool...." You are having your "reporter" state conclusions (that a past comment is "outrageous" and that he "made news again") that good writing would induce the reader to come to for himself. It breaks the "news" veneer before it begins. Doesn't need another half hour from Aleister; it needs you to attend to the basics. Also, in humping the FED [sic], I hope you are trying to caricaturize Ron Paul and not trying to use UnNews to raise awareness of the evils of fractional-reserve banking, the Bildebergers, the Trilaterals, etc. Even if so, it is lost on many readers who don't realize that Paul is leading a campaign for an audit of the Federal Reserve (about which, by the way, we don't care, not here, anyway). Also, the comedy concept--Commentators who are caricatures are ridiculous--invites melodrama but doesn't break any ground.
Separately, I thought the story by Mhaille, that British Tories have changed their rhetoric slightly, and that the rich remain rich, was unremarkable; like the story by Airhogs777 on a drunk breaking into a Costco. I thought everything was unremarkable today. Spıke ¬ 22:56 17-Mar-11
PEE[edit source]
I read the PEE. I think Flamingo's about on the money. If I try to tidy up the inconsistencies etc at the start do you want to see to the images? I rather like the huge mushrooms at the start, but for the sake of consistency I suppose they ought to be smaller and maybe some of the others hould be bigger. what d'ya think?--Sog1970 17:43, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Now that the pics are gouing right left etc... do you have a photo of the Misunderstood that would take a funny caption? Plus, there's probably now room for the old psychedelic zebra at the end - perhaps "Captain Beefheart, as seen in his shaving mirror every morning" or something, since his is the last record mentioned.--Sog1970 18:48, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Actually, looking again. there's probably not the room for any more. Shame--Sog1970 18:57, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
- I agree there is no room without crowding. But just for you here is a psychedelic picture of The Misunderstood, and here is a picture of John Peel in 1964. He became our manager in 1965 and sent us to London in 66 (below)
- Actually, looking again. there's probably not the room for any more. Shame--Sog1970 18:57, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
- I didn't listen to as much John Peel as I now wish I had, he was such a good talker but a lot of the music he liked from the late 80s on seemed to be angry Estonians banging tea-trays over their head (which I liked), the Fall (which I thought were just about okay) and random punk-like things which were nearly always awful. He was so good on Top of the Pops when he clearly hated everything except The Smiths. BTW - cool pic but which one is you?--Sog1970 23:36, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm the blond, 2nd from left. Ours was the only band the John ever managed (that is how disappointed he was at what happened to us). This is a super good article. There is really nothing on Earth quite like a Soggy biscuit - not that I would know, mind you!--Funnybony 12:01, Mar 20
- Thank you guys for your votes on Viking Metal, and Funnybony for Skunk (I took out the stupid elephant section in Skunk, now it flows much better imnho). You have a winner in the psychedlic music page, and it should be among the top 10 of the year (at least so far, at least in the bottom five of the top ten, maybe eight, or six). Groovy, look how the walls melt, man. Was that a real jigsaw puzzle of The Misunderstood or just a photo effect? (and I just had an image of the same effect used on a photo of a black guy sawing some wood) Aleister 11:41 20-3-'11
- Talking of biscuits (but not of the soggy variety) I came here to suggest that- if we're going to remodel the Jeff Beck page - like the idea of keeping it as a photo-biography but perhaps we can add some sort of spin and biscuits came to mind. Perhaps Jeff's career was blighted by a terrible reliance of biscuits (as in various drug addictions). As I write this it sounds shit. But I had in mind that his walking out of bands and failure to make the commercial success that you'd have expected was due to spending years stuck in darkened rooms consuming chocolate hob-nobs, spending time in Betty Ford to get clean and then slowly becoming hooked on KitKats again. What do you think? --Sog1970 10:13, March 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, Sog, JB wasn't into booze or dope and never had a substance abuse problem. His problem was that music was 40 years behind him, amps were crap, drummers just 'didn't get it', he always wanted to be "it", and hated his lead singers, most of all he was as terrible a singer as he was super on guitar, and he spent his entire life trying to get Jimmy Page to play rhythm. I think he has so many nutty cracks in real life there may be no need to make up things. Although his career may have been initiated by a soggy biscuit. But do keep the ideas rolling until we hit the formula. Just a thought.--Funnybony 12:15, Mar 22
- Well, Sog, JB wasn't into booze or dope and never had a substance abuse problem. His problem was that music was 40 years behind him, amps were crap, drummers just 'didn't get it', he always wanted to be "it", and hated his lead singers, most of all he was as terrible a singer as he was super on guitar, and he spent his entire life trying to get Jimmy Page to play rhythm. I think he has so many nutty cracks in real life there may be no need to make up things. Although his career may have been initiated by a soggy biscuit. But do keep the ideas rolling until we hit the formula. Just a thought.--Funnybony
- I kind of knew that, and you obviously knew that but most people expect rock stars to have a substance abuse problem. I thought something innocuous like biscuit-addiction might explain the sometimes eccentric career choices he's made at times. Personally, I always liked "Constipated Duck" --Sog1970 14:39, March 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Since he has few traditional rock and roll vices, how about having lots of innocuous alternatives - throwing TV listings from hotel rooms, trashing the garbage, sleeping with over-age girls one at a time, snorting vicks vapor-rub, drinking dnadelion and burdock etc?--Sog1970 17:08, March 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey Sog, not sure, but I changed the name back to Jeff Beck. Jeff never really had any problems besides being frustrated in pushing the musical limits and hating to travel. As it stands now Jeff is hugely decorated and compensated. I can't think of any "put down" angle at all. He's a wonder even now, better than ever. I can't think of a down side when all is well that ends well. Cheers!--Funnybony 17:42, Mar 22
- Just a bit wary of making it sound like a fanzine. If he suffers from recurring non-addictions etc he can then triumph over adversity to become the man he is today--Sog1970 07:30, March 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, he was super talented, well ahead of his era, but very eccentric. He once told me that at his next gig he was going to wear a bird cage on his head with a parrot on a perch shouting 'fuck off!!!' at the crowd (???). In the beginning of music there was the singer. Then there was the singer with back up band. Then there was the band with lead singer. Always the singer. But Jeff was the lead of every band he played in, which made a strange situation with the Yardies because Jeff was IT, not Keith. Jeff was the star of every band he played in, and if that meant firing Rod Stewart, then so be it. Hehe!--Funnybony 08:13, Mar 23
- Hey Sog, not sure, but I changed the name back to Jeff Beck. Jeff never really had any problems besides being frustrated in pushing the musical limits and hating to travel. As it stands now Jeff is hugely decorated and compensated. I can't think of any "put down" angle at all. He's a wonder even now, better than ever. I can't think of a down side when all is well that ends well. Cheers!--Funnybony
- Since he has few traditional rock and roll vices, how about having lots of innocuous alternatives - throwing TV listings from hotel rooms, trashing the garbage, sleeping with over-age girls one at a time, snorting vicks vapor-rub, drinking dnadelion and burdock etc?--Sog1970 17:08, March 22, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpostOnTheDelivery[edit source]
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
March 24th, 2011 • Issue 113 • 83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
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The Apocalypse will be televised
 Hello folks, I don't usually write this, but at the time of writing, there's only 3 days left till this It certainly has been an interesting week; for starters, the April Fool's ideas have been coming in thick and fast - so far, people seem very vocal about switching the site's skin to the Wikia one, which people are naturally rather divided about in equal measure - your dear Editor personally thinks that showing people what the world would be like if Hitler won the war is obviously a winner; all hail the Wikia skin. Meanwhile, our The Hourly writing contest came and went; amazingly, 5 out of 7 articles made the cut, thanks in no part to cronyism or vote-rigging, let me assure you. Indeed, the result was so encouraging that another one is planned for the near future, so if you have the time and inclination to wake yourself up at 4am to ultimately have the fruits of your labour ruthlessly shot down in flames and extricated from the site, please do so. Finally, Armageddon was narrowly avoided this week after Lyrithya decided the best use of her temporary adminship would be to nuke VFD - resulting in the already teetering Wikia servers completely shitting themselves due to the article having OVER NIIINE THOUSAND edits (actually, over 96,000), and thus making the article restoration page fail to load. Hence, a wave of panic ensued both on the Village Dump and the evil perpetrator's talk page until Olipro managed to trick MediaWiki into restoring it through a spot of form element manipulation. Everyone has AIDS: A Zombiebaron Editorial
 The red and the green clouds moved swiftly over the statue of King Fooodup, dissolving all of the bronze, and as the bronze dissolved, the clouds grew bigger. Slowly, Captain Thunder inhaled his Pethefon62 capsule, careful to remain hidden and quiet. Closing his eyes, the captain began the familiar countdown from 62 while mentally mapping out his next moves. This was the moment that Yonderfluff had been waiting for, and now he did not hesitate to unsheathe his ceremonial vorpal flaming dagger +5 and plunge it deep into the unsuspecting captain's evil heart, while screaming, "EVERYONE HAS AIDS!!!!" Finally Yonderfluff had killed the man who had killed him in an alternate universe twelve million years earlier. The harvest on Mars that year was mighty, and Earth's moon exploded. Hey guys! Thanks for reading this except from a new trilogy of non-fiction books that I am currently writing as part of my job. The books are based on the events of World War I. This is an excerpt from last page of the last book. Please let me know what you think of it on my talkpage! At the Village Stocks  Over at Wikipedia they have their very own page to tribute the idiocy of their administrators. It even has a cute template to declare that they are trying to be amusing. We need no cute template and we need no stocks, either, since saying our administrators are foolish would be cause for immediate execution under the 'hedonistic-fascist-aristocratic-regime-that-refuses-to-recognise-my-brilliance' act of 2011. However for this week, we have made a special exception and Lyrithya is going to be the lucky administrator to be on the receiving end, having done something so monumentally stupid that it appears in two UnSignpost stories and takes up the entire "From our logs" section for this week. Normal people, when hearing someone in the pub say, "Wouldn't it be funny if we went to Canada and pretended to be bears for 2 years?" would laugh and imagine how stupid actually doing that would be. Lyrithya is not such a person, and would already have bought a bear costume and be paddling about in Canadian rivers catching Salmon before you could say 'nitwit'. The metaphorical bear costume and river in Canada for this week is VFD, and the hilarious suggestion the deleting of the same. Lyrithya did it, couldn't fix it because of the massive edit history, and would probably still be trying to fix it had Olipro not stepped in and saved the day. What a clot. As a brief footnote, thanks to everyone who took part in the hourly writing competition. The European one has now hit the village dump, so if you weren't able to take part last time, you now have no excuse. |
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~ 10:12, 24 March 2011
BNA Revisions[edit source]
Hi Funnybony,
I had a look at the changes you made to BNA, and I'd say you got everything. I liked the new Tyson image, as well as the new image captions, but I must admit I preferred the "BNA Mutated to Other Species" section when it was just a list of black things: Black Plague, Black Panther, Black Ellen Ripley, etc. It may be just a matter of opinion, but the humour may be more salient when it's written as a list of black things.
Also, I thought the introduction might be tidied up a bit if you were to format "Niggas vs [...] based on his point of view" in a table or something similar. I tried using one of those dashed blue boxes (that appear if you start a line with a space) and got a decent result on the new layout. While you're logged in, try replacing the paragraph with this code: " '''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRwK_XVfm0I "Niggas vs. Black People"]''' is Melanin-<br>excessive (African-American) comedian<br>[[Chris Rock]]'s most taboo [[Comedy|comedy]] rant.<br>What follows is an [[Uncyclopedia]] article<br>based on his point of view." It looked good to me, but I couldn't get it to format properly in both old and new layouts. If you can figure it out, I think distinctly separating that section from the rest of the text would make the introduction a little sharper.
Cheers,
--Mysterynonymous 14:10, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
- I just reread your article, and I think it looks pretty good. I like the little joke starting off the intro, and the final sentence of the introduction wasn't too long for me to follow, so I doubt it requires any modification.
- --Mysterynonymous 02:27, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
Quakes[edit source]
Anything 'shakin' up your way yesterday FB? Saw the reports but no pictures on TV as yet. --
RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:35, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Hi Romy, really good to hear from you. Luckily the quake was small and far away. We didn't even know until it came on the news. But some High Rise buildings here reported slight swaying. The area of the quake is mostly jungle and the dwellings of those people are not strong and easily fall apart. Nothing compared to Japan, where one of the most miserable things for the refugees in Japan is the sever cold there. Where we are is warm all year long. Stay well! Cheers!--Funnybony 14:17, Mar 25
Jeff Beck honors mother nature
Bad nigga[edit source]
I nommed your BNA on Vote For Good. Knew it wouldn't make it to feature, uncy'a community wouldn't want to represent with the page, homie, dog get down. But it's a Vote for Good page for sure! Aleister 11:05 26-3-'11
John Peel on air[edit source]
- HERE is John Peel on air New Years Eve 1967 talking about and playing his favorite band - Cheers!--Funnybony 14:43, Mar 26
UnNews:Abercrombie criticized for selling push-up briefs to little boys[edit source]
Instant lead! Good shoop, extrapolates from the real world for instant absurdity, and even ends with a great zinger! Spıke ¬ 20:30 27-Mar-11
*Achoo!*[edit source]
Excuse me. Anyway, it looks to me that you voted for on HowTo:Become a Master of Disguise and were inducted into the brotherhood of disguise masters. Well guess what? It made it into featured queue, which entitles you to the golden Groucho Marx glasses award. Congratulations.
--
15:34, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
And. . .[edit source]
Thanks for the vote on Tombstone, as well as the very nice nutter compliment (hmmmm. I'll take it as a compliment). That was a surprise nom by Lyhterya or however the name is spelled, nice when that happens. I see you have a pair of glasses and moustache to put on, above, so I won't know you next time you wander in. Thanks again! Al 19:14 30-3-'11
- Haha. Of course that's a compliment. What else? Hey, my latest news is solution to your Tombstone article: HERE. Hope you (and Spike) like it. I think it's funny. Cheers!--Funnybony 19:26, Mar 30
- That's one of the best unnews stories I've read in awhile. Clever twists of language and logic. Ptok should find it interesting, with the Polish angle. And Polish angle. Now do me, do me. Check out a page I'm working on that failed the one-hour writing contest because people thought it was random. Ha! Random. You may like it. And yes, your unnews does solve the tombstone problem, won't need them anymore. Al 20:40 31-4-2012/-1
- Haha. Of course that's a compliment. What else? Hey, my latest news is solution to your Tombstone article: HERE. Hope you (and Spike) like it. I think it's funny. Cheers!--Funnybony
UnNews:KIA soldier to receive full-body transplant[edit source]
This didn't read right--the lead seemed like it was starting in the middle. I copy-edited the whole thing, then savaged the second paragraph to add absurdity. Spıke ¬ 23:58 30-Mar-11
This is your UnSignpost speaking[edit source]
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
March 31st, 2011 • Issue 114 • Journalism sighted ahead!
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Farewell
 Everything that has a beginning has an end, with the possible exception of the autobiography of Wayne Rooney; our literary correspondent was unable to complete it after an unfortunate fire rendered the text The sun is now setting on the time of the temporary admins. For the last month, they have all been mucking in with the rest of the administrators and eating other people's biscuits at the weekly cabal meetings and now it is time for them to go. On Friday the bureaucrats will arrive and the mythical user rights log will appear on recent changes for the gratification of the eagle-eyed Uncyclopedian. So how did they do? Sources close to the temporary admins have chosen to move further away because of the smell, so we haven't been able to ask them anything. The occupational hazard of needing to know things has never stopped the relentless march of journalism before, however, and today shall be no exception. Hyperbole, the eternally wronged victim of Uncyclopedia, has been deleting and banning consistently over the last month and has generally been annoyingly useful. Reportedly he has been "asking questions" when he doesn't know something; clearly he is not sysop material. Lyrithya has been the most visible temporary admin, and her screams at the last Cabal meeting as she was punished for deleting VFD were described as "Most invigorating" by Mhaille, who, due to the nature of that quote, has expressed a wish to remain anonymous. Curiously, despite her undiscriminating use of the delete button, Lyrithya seems inordinately keen not to ban users for long periods of time, citing "Feeling sorry for them" as her reason. Clearly she is not sysop material. ChiefjusticeDS is a very delusional man. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has been a useful admin and, intelligently, has not drawn attention to himself; an ideal candidate for the mantle of sysop. He is, however, from Belgium; make of that what you will. PuppyOnTheRadio doesn't know what a sysop is, but thinks that it would be a splendid way to spend an afternoon, so he has. He has been the least active of the temporary admins and thus is the most obvious candidate for induction to the order. He is Australian, by the way, from Australia. Ask him about his pet Kangaroo, he must have one, he is an Australian from Australia. Olipro was good enough to give his thoughts to the UnSignpost, saying, "And thus, our great experiment in finding out what happens if you rig yourself to a bomb and give the detonator to a pack of monkeys is over." See you next week, hopefully April Fools Day will happen before then and it will be brilliant, because if there is one thing Uncyclopedia is not short of, it is fools.... and days for them to be fools on. Competition Season
 There is something in the air at Uncyclopedia - it's the smell of competition... and cheese. This is the news that over the next month there will be several competitions to encourage creativity and general brilliance from the community. The first of these is the second round of the hourly writing competition, the first round of which ran a couple of weeks ago. Entrants have an hour to write an article and then a further hour is given over to voting to delete or keep those articles. The last round ran very well, with the majority of the articles entered being kept as a result. If you want to take part in the second round then you only need to sign up here... and then turn up on Saturday. The other competition is Zombiebaron's Imagery Extravaganza, a brand new competition surprisingly being run by Zombiebaron. It is very similar to the PLS and will hopefully encourage the creation of plenty of high quality images, which we can then delete and forget about. So if you aren't planning on creating a single new article/image in the next few weeks and throwing it onto the great bonfire of creativity which, as we all know, is burning at the core of Uncyclopedia, then you should definitely think about it. Probably. Unless you don't want to, which is cool, I guess. |
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I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:15, 31 March 2011
G Rex[edit source]
Looks good. i have 3 weeks off starting Friday so I'll probably have a go next week. --Sog1970 11:45, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- I can hardly wait. Cheers!--Funnybony 11:16, Apr 2
- Be on it in the week, rug-rats allowing. Just sorting out something that had been in mind for a while but I think that's done now.--Sog1970 22:24, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
- I had a go at the introduction. Is this okay? Got to go hammer a shed together for a few hours.--Sog1970 10:47, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
- Trying to make it so the tooth is an obvious fraud, that the narrator is just after a free trip to Vegas and will say anything to try to get someone else to pay for it.--Sog1970 15:56, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
- I had a go at the introduction. Is this okay? Got to go hammer a shed together for a few hours.--Sog1970 10:47, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
- AWESOME!!! I'm stoked!!! You're on another roll...--Funnybony 17:45, Apr 4
- Be on it in the week, rug-rats allowing. Just sorting out something that had been in mind for a while but I think that's done now.--Sog1970 22:24, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Just remembered Dinosaur is on VFH so we'll have to make sure it looks and feels different to that article. And maybe give it a few weeks before you nom it, if that's what you were thinking. --Sog1970 07:24, April 5, 2011 (UTC)
- I can hardly wait. Cheers!--Funnybony
- Got a bit distracted today - be on iot more tomorrow.--Sog1970 17:06, April 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Go for it, Soggy! Lots to play with. But keep in mind that dear old GRex is NOT a lowly dino! They existed well before the material creation was even manifest. They were no danger to humans because by the time humans were created the GRex were already destroyed by the BIG bang. Let's keep it real, bro!--Funnybony 11:16, Apr 7
- Go for it, Soggy! Lots to play with. But keep in mind that dear old GRex is NOT a lowly dino! They existed well before the material creation was even manifest. They were no danger to humans because by the time humans were created the GRex were already destroyed by the BIG bang. Let's keep it real, bro!--Funnybony
UnNews:US hands Libyan sky to NATO, takes over on ground[edit source]
You have three features on the Front Page simultaneously! A year ago, this would have been "Bingo!!!" Do you know why? Because I felt guilty about putting myself in three places simultaneously. However, this one could use more Funny. For example, I presume these top-secret CIA spooks are not wearing boots, as Obama has assured us there are none on the ground. Are they wearing bedroom slippers? Spıke ¬ 20:35 31-Mar-11
THIS is ready to nom[edit source]
Hey Al, Here is a PUBLIC HEALTH SERVICE: Rewrite and 2nd go at VFH, It had a Pee Review - March 24, 2010.. Any suggestions MOST welcome. Please have a go before I Nom on Tuesday. Hope so!--Funnybony 11:38, Apr 2
- Al, bro! I was going to Nom this tomorrow. Do you think it has a chance?--Funnybony 10:08, Apr 4
- It may be a tough sell, but I can see how much work you've put into it. I'd vote for it. I think octipi and cuttlefish are among the most amazing creatures walking around somewhere else except on land, and will fear them anytime. I was once in the back room of a large zoo and met their large octopus at very close range and mostly out of water (as it opened a jar to get a fish), and its eyes were some of the most intelligent eyes I've ever seen. It was a privilege meeting that fellow. Aleister 16:14 4-4-'11
- Okay, bro! Too risky. Maybe a name change? Butb tomorrow I'm going to Nom Don Martin, Mad's maddest cartoonist, so please take a look if any tuning can be done. It has a better chance. Cheers!--Funnybony 17:49, Apr 4
- Okay, bro! Too risky. Maybe a name change? Butb tomorrow I'm going to Nom Don Martin, Mad's maddest cartoonist, so please take a look if any tuning can be done. It has a better chance. Cheers!--Funnybony
- It may be a tough sell, but I can see how much work you've put into it. I'd vote for it. I think octipi and cuttlefish are among the most amazing creatures walking around somewhere else except on land, and will fear them anytime. I was once in the back room of a large zoo and met their large octopus at very close range and mostly out of water (as it opened a jar to get a fish), and its eyes were some of the most intelligent eyes I've ever seen. It was a privilege meeting that fellow. Aleister 16:14 4-4-'11
- Al, bro! I was going to Nom this tomorrow. Do you think it has a chance?--Funnybony
UnNews:Florida pastor starts WWIII[edit source]
I took two words out of your headline. "Moronic" is unforgivable; it draws a conclusion for the reader that it should gently lead him to. I toned down the text in two places from the same thinking. (A fuller explanation in today's UnNews:Newsroom.) "Nearly" is a weasel-word; this might not be WWIII, but it is less of an offense in UnNews to give a headline that isn't true, than to give a headline that advises the reader that the article is "nearly" interesting. Spıke ¬ 11:05 4-Apr-11
Football Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for supporting my recently featured UnNews piece.
I appreciate it, and stuff.
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:11, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
Dinosaur made it into queue![edit source]
DINO PARTY!!!
-- 15:14, April 5, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:Emergency grips India as god hangs on life support[edit source]
I was late to feature this, as I changed the 1-Spot at mid-day and wanted to let the previous occupant stay there overnight. Compelling photo and a lead paragraph that required no work. Spıke ¬ 11:05 6-Apr-11
Terribly creative UnSignpost header[edit source]
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
April 7th, 2011 • Issue 115 • What news of the Uncyclopedia Holmes?
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April Fool
 As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion. Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.* The impact of the skin on Uncyclopedia was sudden and varied massively. Some people got angry, some turned off javascript to escape the pain and some laughed at the people doing the above. The UnSignpost was able to visit Olipro, the mastermind behind the reskin, and find out what he thought its impact had been. "It was a raging success," he enthused from behind the safety glass, "and by "raging" I mean people were going fucking mental." After the interview, we departed Dexter111344's Home for People Who Be Trolling, leaving Olipro sniggering at YouTube videos and receiving occasional electric shocks. We are told this is an essential part of his treatment. The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general. The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day. *We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how. I hate you and your competition
 As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:22, 7 April 2011
UnNews:Scientist finds super-bug in New Delhi water[edit source]
Nice take on real news with compelling illustration. I am wrestling with it, however, as your changes to the real news are subtle and a graphic wouldn't be hilarious. Maybe I'll find a way. Spıke ¬ 10:27 8-Apr-11
UnNews:Scientists speak out on ‘gay caveman’[edit source]
Okay, I see what you did to it. Only, the result is not a whole lot weirder than the source.
Imagine my surprise to find out that there is someone else in the world who calls people "Dudes!" Spıke ¬ 12:45 11-Apr-11
- Hey dudes, check out this pic of Keith Richards that's been around since '008. Al 20:12 11-4-'11
- Hey Spike, yeah, there ARE still people saying "dude" ever since our surf generation made it popular. It's not uncool to say, "Dude"! - Snow Boarders, surfers, musicians, millions use the word, dude. The only thing that is uncool is to use "Dude", without being qualified as cool enough (go figure!??). It started with California wave surfing around 1966. Even a chick was called "dude" - HA!--Funnybony 21:17, Apr 11
- Hey Spike, yeah, there ARE still people saying "dude" ever since our surf generation made it popular. It's not uncool to say, "Dude"! - Snow Boarders, surfers, musicians, millions use the word, dude. The only thing that is uncool is to use "Dude", without being qualified as cool enough (go figure!??). It started with California wave surfing around 1966. Even a chick was called "dude" - HA!--Funnybony
Well, I saw Dudes! and grumbled that you were writing an UnNews for the Cartoon Network--then read the CNN story and saw that it wasn't your doing at all. Spıke ¬ 21:52 11-Apr-11
All right, it's now in the 1-Spot on the strength of the Shoop. It just had to get behind Humbucker's rapper FA, which had never been on the Front Page originally. Spıke ¬ 00:13 13-Apr-11
- Dude, you've never been to California? They call everyone there 'dude', man. Unless that was Jakarta. I always get those two mixed up. But still. ~
17:11, 13 April 2011
Don Martin[edit source]
I promise to type up the notes I scrawled days ago about G REx eventually. I'm not sure I really know anything about Don Martin, though. Difficult to satirise something you don't really understand. --Sog1970 21:02, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:Mexico discovered in mass graves[edit source]
I got this far with a feature graphic, but it's just not funny, nor clear that it isn't literally true. Spıke ¬ 13:20 13-Apr-11
 MEXICO CITY -- More corpses were discovered yesterday in mass graves in Mexico not far from the United States border, as government has sent countless soldiers of fortune to convince drug lords to give their profits to national charity case Carlos Slim. Full story» |
- Okay, bro! I played up Mexico's "mass graves tourism" and replaced above with this picture:
You've got the 4-Spot--Gay caveman in the 1-Spot is still easier to laugh at. Spıke ¬ 21:49 13-Apr-11
Don Martin Toon[edit source]
The UnSignpost: On-time and on top of things... as always.[edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
April 14th, 2011 • Issue 116 • These are not the enraged monkeys you're looking for.
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Sysops, sysops, and more sysops
It has been over a year since the last VFS, over a year since the last batch of sysops were elected in the tyrannical drama-fest that lies at the heart of the Uncyclopedia powerbase, and now, amidst rampant vote-whoring and election campaigns running wild across the wiki, the voting is once more in full swing. In proper UnSignpost fashion, however, and as part of our continued attempts to avoid overusing self-referential humour and to instead report on something that people may not have already noticed, we have sent reporters into the heart of the storm to investigate these most momentous ongoings. In all of the two minutes it took to skim the scores, it was revealed that people so far seem to really favour Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who already have scores of over twenty each, although they both clearly suck. Voting, however, has only been going on for all of a day, following a nomination period that likewise went on for all of a day and yet still somehow managed to result in the entire active userbase being nominated, as well as part of the inactive userbase, a couple of people only active on the IRC channel who in fact didn't even have accounts on the wiki itself until they made some for the occasion, two users who are already admins and one of whom is also a bureaucrat, and a bot... of an admin. This told us two things: Uncyclopedia standards are evidently still at an all-time low, and that our reporters needed to get out of there as soon as possible and adjourn for lunch, and not just because it was meatballs.
 Awards and contests everyone forgot about
As with all months, the usual awards have all already been forgotten about in lieu of more interesting things. So far, they look terribly riveting, with Matt lobster the only real contender for both Uncyclopedian of the Month and Writer of the Month, as well as Lockdandload taking the lead in the Noob of the Month voting, although he's probably just Matt lobster in disguise, now that we think about it. As such, we attempted to sit down with this intriguing user for an interview, but as he never showed up (possibly because we neglected to tell him), he didn't have terribly much to say about the matter. Meantime, all the other awards, including ANotM, PWotM, FP, EGA, PotM, AotM, UGotM, and NOM NOM NOMotm, are all looking kind of neglected. RotM isn't, however. Go support that one guy along with everyone else, if you can be bothered.
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:00, 14 April 2011
UnNews:Iran accused of ‘foreign meddling’ copyright infringement[edit source]
Your article deftly covers the sensitive subject of hypocrisy among the various meddlers in the Middle East. I gave this one short shrift through no fault of your own, as I was in the process of writing one, and savaging another contribution despite widespread ridicule for doing exactly that in the Forum, and then running off to view Atlas Shrugged, Part I, which of course is being screened nowhere in the Live Free or Die state. I'll take another look in the morning. Spıke ¬ 01:13 16-Apr-11
PS--Okay, it's in the 1-Spot now, fortuitous as everyone seems to be taking the weekend off. The lead was off-putting: It crammed too much into the first part of the first sentence, so I rearranged it. Single-quotes, double-quotes, open-quotes? be consistent. Spıke ¬ 10:57 16-Apr-11
HoS[edit source]
I was going to add Psychedelic music to your list on hall of shame. But I don't seem to be able to edit it any more. --Sog1970 13:12, April 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Now THAT was a good article. Bravo! Yeah, I guess the Admins detected somebody dominating the top and thought it must be stopped..hehe! Any ideas for our pre-dino G-Rex? Cheers!--Funnybony 13:21, Apr 16
- Click on the numbers to update users. There would have been instructions, but I suck at writing instructions, and so... didn't write any. Apparently nobody else did, either. Although once the gorram software starts working again, the intended method, that little input box, will more than suffice for adding and updating. *shifty eyes* ~ 16:45, 16 April 2011
- Click on the numbers to update users. There would have been instructions, but I suck at writing instructions, and so... didn't write any. Apparently nobody else did, either. Although once the gorram software starts working again, the intended method, that little input box, will more than suffice for adding and updating. *shifty eyes* ~
- Now THAT was a good article. Bravo! Yeah, I guess the Admins detected somebody dominating the top and thought it must be stopped..hehe! Any ideas for our pre-dino G-Rex? Cheers!--Funnybony
- I lost the notes I wrote on G Rex. (How quaint that I actually used a pen to scribble down ideas). But now that I've built the last shed I ever hope to build and constructed a patio, shifted a ton and a half of sand and cement etc I should get round to finishing my part this week. you okay with excising the South American bit? - I'm still trying to focus it on being some sort of frat stunt without losing your initial focus entirely. --Sog1970 16:54, April 16, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:Obama Ponzi scheme speech reveals short-term plan[edit source]
On your thesis, I entirely agree; but a lot of readers won't get this one. You are doing two things: (1) Modifying the CNN Source to show what's actually going on rather than what Obama is saying, and (2) occasionally digressing into more playful humor. Depending on the beliefs of the reader, this piece might not read like humor at all. In fact, in America, most people will read either an almost totally serious column, or an unwarranted attack on Obama. Spıke ¬ 12:48 17-Apr-11
- Some satire isn't humourous, but funny as is. Funnybony, I still don't know about the htbfanjs article, but I haven't read very much of it. The reason is is that I've never read the page it's based on, so can't really tell if it is totally funny or if the reader will get lost right at the start. And I haven't done a collob with you in a coons age, any ideas for one? Al 18:36 17-4-'11
Guru Maharaj Ji on VFD[edit source]
This short, photo-less article, on VFD now, is written from a take not unlike ITSCON: viewing Hindu cosmic enlightenment as essentially a con job. Can you contribute? At least a photo? Spıke ¬ 01:01 18-Apr-11
- Maybe this can be our collab Funnybony, we can replace this worthless piece of shit (and I'm being polite with the words here) with a spork from Wikipedia. Guru Maharaj Ji is very different than ITSCON, as you probably know. Check out Rennie Davis and his connection to Ji. Collab or soup? Aleister 1:17 18-4-'11
- Unlike the philosophy and religion practiced by Iskcon group (which is actually an aberration of an ancient Hindu practice, I really do believe that Maharajji is a con job devised by his family. I can't think of a single thing I want to know about him nor a single funny thing to say except, you must be serious!? Now, John Belushi could be a collaboration because the current one is really weak, and I have a better one going HERE that could be completed and replace or be combined with the current version. Whattya say?--Funnybony 08:51, Apr 18
- Hello. I'll add to Belushi, sure, although you have a good start. Maharaj Ji, I've had some personal experience with him, and I'd say he's the real deal or at least used to be. But oh well, I'll keep out of any editing, just like I don't edit the Ron Hubbard stuff and some other articles here, being biased in favor of Hubbard that moron IP's and one-topic users like to mock or attack without knowing much about him. Will look at Uncy's Belushi page soon and see if it has quality stuff on it. Cheeseburger. Al 9:47 18-4-'11
- I lived 7 years in India without leaving once during that time - and lived with Indian yogis. Sadhus in India considered Guruji a joke, a hippy guru with no original teachings. My personal feeling is summed up nicely by Wikipedia, as follows, Sociologist Stephen A. Kent wrote that as a 22-year-old hippie, he found Rawat's message to be banal and poorly delivered.--Funnybony 10:59, Apr 18
- I don't know much about his teachings (tongue on roof of the mouth, that kind of boring stuff), except hearing Rennie Davis expound on his inner-circle stuff. What I mean is that he has a massive radiant output, can be felt a distance away even when he's not in a room. Meaning that he owns and radiates his own space, and if the environment, including our body, happens to come into his attention span/space then the radiance is felt very nicely. People around him laugh and laugh, and for good reasons. Lots of the "holy" folks have that, as you know, and others like Louis Farrakhan have it (when he came into a room I was in it lit up and I instantly said to myself, "Oh, that's why they love him, they've got themselves a holy man"). Can't be felt on TV, just in person. Marharaj Ji has it in spades, so he did something right early on. That's what I meant, not his basic public teachings which seem stupid and yawnworthy. Belushi taught better stuff publicly ("Cheeseburger Cheeseburger") Al 11:41 18-4-'11
- I lived 7 years in India without leaving once during that time - and lived with Indian yogis. Sadhus in India considered Guruji a joke, a hippy guru with no original teachings. My personal feeling is summed up nicely by Wikipedia, as follows, Sociologist Stephen A. Kent wrote that as a 22-year-old hippie, he found Rawat's message to be banal and poorly delivered.--Funnybony
- Hello. I'll add to Belushi, sure, although you have a good start. Maharaj Ji, I've had some personal experience with him, and I'd say he's the real deal or at least used to be. But oh well, I'll keep out of any editing, just like I don't edit the Ron Hubbard stuff and some other articles here, being biased in favor of Hubbard that moron IP's and one-topic users like to mock or attack without knowing much about him. Will look at Uncy's Belushi page soon and see if it has quality stuff on it. Cheeseburger. Al 9:47 18-4-'11
- Unlike the philosophy and religion practiced by Iskcon group (which is actually an aberration of an ancient Hindu practice, I really do believe that Maharajji is a con job devised by his family. I can't think of a single thing I want to know about him nor a single funny thing to say except, you must be serious!? Now, John Belushi could be a collaboration because the current one is really weak, and I have a better one going HERE that could be completed and replace or be combined with the current version. Whattya say?--Funnybony
G-Rex[edit source]
I added more bullshit. I'll spell check it some time. I hope the style works without spoiling your original intentions. --Sog1970 22:47, April 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Cool. Love it. What's next?--Funnybony 08:05, Apr 19
- I'm probably done now. --Sog1970 21:55, April 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Hi Soggy, I think the part about the GRex being destroyed by the Big Bang is okay and kinda funny. But whatever you decide we need to make the article uniform. That entire angle can be deleted if necessary. Whattya say? Your call...--Funnybony 19:24, Apr 24
- How about it evolving to ever larger size to avoid being eaten by others of its own species. then being killed by a comet and saving the Earth? seems a bit more self-consistent --Sog1970 19:56, April 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Hi Soggy, I think the part about the GRex being destroyed by the Big Bang is okay and kinda funny. But whatever you decide we need to make the article uniform. That entire angle can be deleted if necessary. Whattya say? Your call...--Funnybony
- I'm probably done now. --Sog1970 21:55, April 19, 2011 (UTC)
- I will have a go, especially after reading the review. but it may take me a while to get round to it, busy time of year for me for the next six weeks. --Sog1970 21:45, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
Thank you[edit source]
For your vote on People who enjoy laying on their back and some of them on top and others along each end, which is now on the front page. Thanks! I look forward to seeing what you and Sog did to G-Rex. Aleister 00:25 4-20
That UnSignposty thing[edit source]
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
April 21st, 2011 • Issue 117 • Please don't immerse this periodical in water.
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VFS update
As is customary when a VFS is running, the UnSignpost has chosen to shun the various non-events that have punctuated the week and is instead filling the space by updating you with information that is freely available to absolutely everyone elsewhere. Remember: we click links and read words so you don't have to. At the time of going to press, VFS has not yet lurched into its 4th and final phase, so we have called in experts to predict which RT: Good day Fred: Where am I?? Get this sack off my head! USP: Fred, don't struggle; struggling just makes the poison spread faster. Now Rabbi, who do you think will make it through to the final round of VFS? Fred: Socky for admin! Argh the pain! RT: Well I must say all the chaps and fellows competing are absolutely splendid. I have watched with baited breath as they have competed in the spirit of manly competition, the girding of the loins and the splendid grunts to show us all they are trying. Despite that, two prime specimens appear to be distancing themselves from the pack. This Sockpuppet fellow certainly plays with a straight bat and it wouldn't surprise me if he hits it for 6. Fred: Woo! USP:Rabbi, do you mean you think he will make it into the next round? RT: Oh yes, that said, the burly fellow following him, this Lyrithya lad, certainly seems to have the spunk to go all the way. USP: Lyrithya is supposedly a female, Rabbi. RT: Nonsense! How could a woman carry out all the manly tasks necessary? She'll be pruning her eye brows and trimming her nose hairs the whole time. Fred: Nonsense, I think she will be a splendid- What?? RT: Women have to prune and trim or they wilt and die! You've seen sheep eating grass, women are like that except they use these little tubes of pink stuff. Sheep are also noticeably less woolly. Now answer me this! Where will she hang her breasts at night if we appoint her?? USP: Quite true. Fred: Is everyone here mad? Have either of you ever met a woman?? USP: No, I've seen them on the internet though! RT: My mother was a woman... we were introduced when I was 7. Does that count? USP: Fred, what about the other nominees, do any of them deserve it more than the two leaders? Fred: None of them are sandwiches and that is what this site and society in general sorely need. USP: Rabbi? RT: All splendid masculine fellows, except perhaps Magic man, regrettably they lack the range of this Sockpuppet fellow and this... woman. My conclusion must be that only Sockpuppet and Lyrithya will proceed to the next round. Fred: Sandwiches. USP: Thank you both of you, you can go home now. We'll unlock the shackles in a moment. So there you have it; our editor seems happy that there is a meaningful conclusion in there somewhere, though good luck finding it. Be sure to look for updates to VFS here and nowhere else next week. Editors note: While you are all aware that this is hilarious, we must stress that the opinions above are either based very loosely on what those users have said or have been completely made up in the name of hilarity. It's true. Socky's name isn't Fred at all. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:18, 21 April 2011
UnNews:Tampa Bay wide receiver catches Florida toddler[edit source]
Featured on the Front Page! Short, but easily visualized! The previous one (UnNews:Flying robot assassins deployed in Libya) screamed advocacy and entered a crowded field on that day. Spıke ¬ 00:43 24-Apr-11
Sai Baba[edit source]
I saw that Sai Baba died, and thought of your article. He did good. Aleister 11:19 24-4-'11
- My saved article is on Guru Maharaj Ji, not Sai Baba. But, yeah, bro, he died 2 days ago, although the Indian government had to prepare for the announcement because of crowd control. I have friends on the inside of that cult who told me on Friday they turned off artificial life-support. Many Hindus think he is God (Apotheosis + Theomania). He was inspired as a young man believing he was the reincarnation of famous saint Shirdi Sai Baba who died in 1919 (a bit hard to disprove). He was mired in homosexual scandals and a film called The Secret Swami was made by BBC exposing him. His magic tricks were simple sleight of hand. But apart from being a phony and fooling millions of poor gullible Indians - he certainly had massive powers of attraction. Though he didn't have any actual teachings nor any philosophy and was just a figure head. A carefully guarded guru in India. So, inspite of all the scandals, he galvanized rich people and politicians in helping millions of poor South Indian people with food, water, and medical treatment, and, somehow, represented Hinduism. He will be remembered as a saint, not a pervert. Which is okay by me - however absurd.--Funnybony 13:19, Apr 24
- My saved article is on Guru Maharaj Ji, not Sai Baba. But, yeah, bro, he died 2 days ago, although the Indian government had to prepare for the announcement because of crowd control. I have friends on the inside of that cult who told me on Friday they turned off artificial life-support. Many Hindus think he is God (Apotheosis + Theomania). He was inspired as a young man believing he was the reincarnation of famous saint Shirdi Sai Baba who died in 1919 (a bit hard to disprove). He was mired in homosexual scandals and a film called The Secret Swami was made by BBC exposing him. His magic tricks were simple sleight of hand. But apart from being a phony and fooling millions of poor gullible Indians - he certainly had massive powers of attraction. Though he didn't have any actual teachings nor any philosophy and was just a figure head. A carefully guarded guru in India. So, inspite of all the scandals, he galvanized rich people and politicians in helping millions of poor South Indian people with food, water, and medical treatment, and, somehow, represented Hinduism. He will be remembered as a saint, not a pervert. Which is okay by me - however absurd.--Funnybony
UnNews:McCain held in Libya on visa violation[edit source]
This needs a proofreading and copy-edit. And, at the moment, I am in a Libyan jail, trying not to converse with my cell-mate. Spıke ¬ 17:19 25-Apr-11
On my VFH, saying the things left unsaid[edit source]
The great love article of my life that I wrote was featured recently, and I would therefore like to take the time to thank you profusely for helping to make it a success despite that fucking cunt-bitch Lyrithya some adversity. Your good deeds shall not be forgotten. Now, please excuse me I have to go fill Lyrithya's userpage with abusive garbage reflect on the important things in life.
...I hope you'll join me in the attack -- Prof. Olipro 
KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 05:05, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:Trump forces Obama to show Earth certificate[edit source]
Wow. Instant lead with photo to Uncyclopedia main page. Great Shoop, thoroughly ridicules Obama's evasions and Trump's insufferability. Lead paragraph didn't require any work, though I did reset the dateline to Portsmouth, New Hampshire (where the "news" occurred) to shamelessly hump my signature article. Spıke ¬ 00:03 28-Apr-11
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Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic. |
UnSignpost: April 28th, 2011[edit source]
STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!
April 28th, 2011 • Issue 118 • A brilliant reasonable periodical.
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General News Round-up
It has been another uneventful week at Uncyclopedia, which, contrary to popular belief, is good for the UnSignpost. Uneventful weeks mean we can report in the vaguest terms possible the various goings on on the wiki, a task made infinitely easier through the existence of the Uncyclopedia at a glance page. For instance, did you know that here at Uncyclopedia we have featured 1,731 articles, which is approximately 7%! We don't know what it's 7% of; we aren't scientists. Uncyclopedia at a glance is a splendid resource, which the UnSignpost would recommend to anyone with a spare afternoon and no other plans for their internet usage. Elsewhere on the wiki, VFS has clunked into its final stage, with Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user both reaching the final round. Normally, at this point, the existing administrators vote on a candidate until the 30th of the month, whereupon a messenger is dispatched to the lair of the bureaucrats informing them whom should be afforded the gift of divinity. This Cabal memo clearly never reached Under user, who has started a vote calling for both candidates to receive adminship. "It's a disgrace, if we give them both admin rights who loses? That's the only reason I vote on these things," said unnamed cabal member ChiefjusticeDS, whose voice has been disguised in order that he remain anonymous. Meanwhile, over on the forums, Magic man proposed a meeting of the Uncyclopedians in some kind of convention, probably to be held 2 minutes walk from where he lives, slap bang in the middle of not-where-you-live-'s ville. Modusoperandi agreed with Magic man, saying "None of us are in jail," while Dexter111344 called it a "Horrific idea," which is certainly how this newspaper would react to any idea that involved meeting Dexter111344 in person without the presence of several Police officers. Finally, Dr. Skullthumper has embarked on another quest of utter pointlessness, deploying his bot and himself to "convert HTML" all over the wiki. Pity him. He knows not what he does. Uncyclopedia in the news again
 In an age of information overload and astonishingly inaccurate Internet posts, it's reassuring that at least one website strives to be inaccurate at all times. That website is Sign on San Diego, a parody of a news website which bills itself as having all sorts of "Hot Topics" for the people of San Diego and anyone else who might be interested. Recent Sign on San Diego headlines include: "San Diego's air pollution among worst in nation", "Man robs downtown restaurant" and "Reward offered in transient assault case". This leads us to the article that they mentioned, which was about the "fast-rising" Biffy Clyro, the article is in dire need of rewriting but we know better than most not to let quality stand in the way of meeting journalistic deadlines. The crux of the matter is that Biffy Clyro are playing a show in San Diego, which you should attend, provided you aren't dying of air pollution, being robbed in restaurants or assaulted. The article also mentioned <insert name here>'s sterling and exemplary contributions to Uncyclopedia since they joined. The truth is, alas, somewhat less colourful. Naruto
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 06:18, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
Signpost Un[edit source]
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
May 5th, 2011 • Issue 119 • I sense a great disturbance in the force.
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VFS ends. Apathy grips wiki.
 Those of you who were busy having sex with ladies/men/melons on Saturday evening will have stumbled onto the wiki and discovered that there are in fact two new administrators stumbling around the wiki. Since none of you can find things out for yourself, you have sat, baffled, waiting for the UnSignpost to arrive like a beacon: VFS has drawn to a conclusion and the unlucky losers are Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. Following the announcement and the ritual slaying of a goat that Zombiebaron always insists upon before any new administrators may make use of their powers, the two victors went straight back to what they had been doing before - looking at depraved images on the internet, categorising, looking at fetish porn and indeed categorising fetish porn. Scandal immediately ensued; administrators do not categorise. This not being enough, however, the UnSignpost has taken to the streets of Uncyclopedia to find out what the community thinks about the new additions to the Cabal. The first place our journalists visited was the Ministry of Love, which stands at the centre of Uncyclopedia's financial district, or it would if Uncyclopedia had a financial district. We were thrilled to speak to the duty Cabal representative Zombiebaron, who, when pressed about the empirical significance of the VFS result, slammed his hand down on the table and exclaimed "Zombiebaron". It would seem that a great deal of things are in fact Zombiebaron: the likelihood of the new administrators being embroiled in scandal and VFS voting in general, to name but a few. We also got the opportunity to sit down with Mhaille after he fell out of a vent as we were leaving and find out what he thought of Lyrithya and Socky being administrators. "In theory its a nice idea, but I wouldn't like to see it in practice" he replied "There are far more deserving people who have only recently discovered the site and hold overinflated opinions of themselves who would be better suited". Before we could explain that the VFS has actually taken place, Mhaille collapsed from dehydration and, not wishing to make a fuss, we left him in the lobby. It turns out nobody is particularly bowled over by the result of the VFS; the result having been obvious for about 2 weeks now, this lead to the announcement being met with grunts and sighs about "The state of things". We decided to see what Socky and Lyrithya had to say about their new powers. "It feels invigorating. Though somehow, I hardly feel a difference," mused Socky. "It's like being castrated" he added... with his eyes. Lyrithya, meanwhile, was not available to comment, which shows that she is taking her new role seriously, namely by leaving shortly after being appointed in the style of the greats of 2006. Mordillo is Dead!  Uncyclopedia's most Mordillo, who had been hunted by Uncyclopedia since disappearing into hiding in early March, died in the early hours of Monday morning (local time) after a group of 25 US Navy SEALS breached his lavish compound in Abbottabad. The Cabal has yet to acknowledge the death of one of their most senior members of staff; this is simply because they are all far too busy crying. Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that Mordillo was extracted from the safehouse in the early hours of Sunday morning and replaced with Osama Bin Laden. These lunatics cite the bearded aspect of the victim and his radical Islamic tendencies, which we cannot now see, as so-called "evidence". Rumours that Mordillo has fled to western Europe are unconfirmed drivel and you are discouraged from looking for him without a submarine, since his body was buried at sea in order to save you footing the bill for having any photographs developed. Uncyclopedians around the world have been warned to brace themselves for possible retaliation from Mordillo's cohorts and reminded to live in abject fear of authority at all times. For now you can sleep peacefully in your beds at night because Mordillo is certainly dead, oh yes, can't get much more dead than the dead he is now... |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:16, 5 May 2011
Me and Mr. Jones[edit source]
That was fun. The Alex Jones youtube I spoke of is on my user page, the whole vid is good but he starts into his calm discussion at about 10 minutes in. Aleister 20:02 Sixto de mayo '11
Two, two, two mints in one[edit source]
Congrats on your two quick features. Octoppi and Don Martin always had connection, and now we know what it is. Yay blue-ringed octoppi and Martin! Aleister 19:14 11-5-'11
- Hey Bro... Thanks for the kind words. I'm still here in USA and haven't been able to think of an unnews. How about Spike? Is he okay? Do you have any new Noms I should see? All the best to our friends in the big Un! More soon. I'll be in touch before leaving on the 16th. Once home I'll think of more news. Meanwhile UN18 is doing good news. Stay well... Cheers!!!--Funnybony 21:41, May 11
The Signpost is delivered to all God-fearing citizens[edit source]
We're delivering it to your door anyways!
May 12th, 2011 • Issue 120 • Now with no liberal bias!
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Uncyclopedia  After coercing my children/wife into silence and praising the lord Jesus Christ for my newspaper, my toothpaste, the constitution and this great nation, I decided that some time on the internet would bring the morning to an appropriately spiritual conclusion. "Praise the Lord," I murmured as the computer hummed into life; all seemed right in the world as the Lord unendingly smote the unrighteous in my desktop background. Conservapedia recognises that liberalism is spreading and nowhere is this more obvious than Uncyclopedia, which mocks the Lord by using one of his divine creations (a potato) for a logo and being entirely dedicated to spreading lies and half-truths, something we know nothing about at Conservapedia. The site is a temple of blasphemy, gayness and, inevitably, liberalism. As I was being disgusted by the liberalism of the font on the main page and the colour of the links, I was astounded to come across a man asking other men to risk their virtue in a game of strip poker with him. All young men should take heed and embrace God, not Olipro. Poker is also for girls. The so-called forums (a liberal Greek invention) harbor further discussion of user rights; the liberals are erecting their false idols and they venerate these idols and bestrew them with titles. The discussion of the week was over who was the most liberal of the most liberal liberals and which of them should be raised above the others for further worship. Words fail; I had lied to myself (a sin for which I shall be punished) that liberalism was a passing fad, but these people are obsessed with the restriction of their spiritual and physical abilities through their hollow attempts at humor. This Zombiebaron will get his reward in Hell. His very username mocks the Almighty and he shall be punished for his attempted levity. This community is a threat to children, happiness and America. Don't burn with them.  This community of half-wits, liberals, crazies and liberals will burn in Hell, but until that glorious moment of candescence, it is as well that they amuse themselves and only incriminate themselves further in the eyes of the Lord (I do not want to meet any reformed crazies in Heaven). One of Uncyclopedia's faux Gods, MadMax, has conceived a competition to amuse the masses and likely stir homosexual feelings within them. Notice we used the word conceive because it is the only thing MadMax, who is an ABORTIONIST, probably, will ever conceive. Here is how this competition will work: users will spawn articles of varying levels of depravity and sin, which will then be judged by a group of judges, unelected no less, who will select the article containing the most depraved acts and leather harnesses in which unmentionable acts will be perpetrated to be the victor. The person with the worst article is eliminated, sadly only from the competition, and the winners go on to face each other in some kind of orgy to see who will be the winner. This festival of depravity has been going on since last Sunday and this correspondent has no doubt that the only reason it is not finished yet is because liberals are famously lazy, a well known symptom of atheism and pro-choice views. We did not sit down with MadMax to discuss this competition; it was bad enough reading about it. MadMax has indicated his intention to hold the competition again on a larger scale if the trial goes well. We wish him the best of luck and an eternity in the very deepest pit of Hell. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:42, 12 May 2011
Hello, an article to worketh magic upon[edit source]
Hi. I've been editing a VFD save, and this one is right up your boxing alley. Come and play on the page, and we can expand it to another boxing epic. Can you photoshop a pic for the fight scene? Dude, you are the boxing voice of Uncy. Aleister 00:50 13-5-'11
- Dude! I don't get this... maybe Delete is a better option. It's stupid. If it was about the real fight I might be interested, but who is this doctor? I prefer real subjects to nonsense. It's just dumb.--Funnybony 20:13, May 14
- Good forum happening here. And (lol) Fraisier who whatever his name is was a tv actor playing that role for about 20 years, first on "Cheers" and then on his own show ("Fraisier"). So he's a "real life" fake character who is familiar to most of the English speaking world. I, myself, speak Russian, with a twist of Dane in there. Al 20:52 15-5-'11
- p.s. Have you looked at Composure1's user page list of UnNews? Seems he may be the only one in your league of number of quality UnNews stories. Does anyone else have over 100? SPIKE maybe (may he rest in pies). I thinks iz nominate composure1 for writer of the month, just to get him in the que. Al awhile later
Scripty things[edit source]
Since not only did you seem to know as much as anybody about the things, you actually apparently care... well, I tried setting up some templates for formatting scripts and I was wondering if you'd mind taking a look at the result if/when you have a moment? What do you think? What does it need? Anything in particular need changing/fixing? Thanks. ~ 08:02, 16 May 2011
- Cool. Nice script formatting now. It is only the lame format that makes me avoid voting on scripts. But now it's perfect. That is the pro script formatting and other formats are lame and childish. Kind Socky fixed up my Lunar Launch script for which I'm very appreciative. Way to go... I still think Lunar Launch is way feature worthy.--Funnybony 00:07, May 17
- Yeah, properness aside, they're also just bloody hard to read the way a lot of people do them. The templates should hopefully make it easier for folks to format them themselves, and no more mucking about with masses of divs like Socky did (eep!). And hells, I thinks it is; thought it was before, too, at that. Yes... ~ 01:03, 17 May 2011
- Yeah, properness aside, they're also just bloody hard to read the way a lot of people do them. The templates should hopefully make it easier for folks to format them themselves, and no more mucking about with masses of divs like Socky did (eep!). And hells, I thinks it is; thought it was before, too, at that. Yes... ~
- Cool. Nice script formatting now. It is only the lame format that makes me avoid voting on scripts. But now it's perfect. That is the pro script formatting and other formats are lame and childish. Kind Socky fixed up my Lunar Launch script for which I'm very appreciative. Way to go... I still think Lunar Launch is way feature worthy.--Funnybony
UnUnnews??[edit source]
I'll be back home tonight and hope to write more unnews - but without the editor I feel less than interested. The big Un is expert at fucking up the unnews editors - dumb mistakes much like shooting oneself in the foot. Now what!? So someone gets lame revenge - but screws up the scene.--Funnybony 00:03, May 17
- If we encourage TheHumbucker to keep helping with the maintenance and whatnot of UnNews, perhaps we will even have yet another lovely UnNews-related writer/user/guy/person/thing driven off the site by asshats by the end of the year. ~ 01:07, 17 May 2011
UnNews:Dicks deem dick a dick[edit source]
I don't get it.
But in all seriousness, I don't dislike the article. I do worry, however, that it's purposely fanning the flames of a controversy that was literally just about to die down. So, basically, it's kind of inviting drama for no reason, because the ban is up and we have it on good authority that he'll be back eventually. I won't be deleting the article or anything, unless you tell me to do so, but I just wanted you to be made aware that this may be an unnecessary provocation.
Also, I'm taking that picture down from the main page, because it looks like Penisman and Penisman is very much a no-no.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN [talk] 04:15, May 18, 2011 (UTC)
- I for one, rather like it. It's funny and fitting and doesn't seem malicious... so well done. ~ 06:36, 18 May 2011
UnSignpost[edit source]
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!
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Voting Takes a Back Seat
 Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month. The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi". Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?). Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one! The Forum
 Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it. It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:08, 19 May 2011
Hey close friends of mine, fellow UnCyclopedians[edit source]
Check out the eye candy HERE of varied interests. Enjoy! Cheers!--Funnybony 15:14, May 19
Eh?[edit source]
Hi Funnybony,
UnNews:Obama bans natural health: What is this? mAttlobster. (hello) 15:59, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
I've moved it to your userspace in case you want to actually turn it into satire or some such, but as it is, it's really just a copyright violation that isn't really funny, either. Remove or tone down or better yet, twist the political message, and do something to it, mon; please don't just copy real stuff here. ~ 01:08, 20 May 2011
- That's okay, I just wanted people to read it as it is because it's not at all funny and is bloody amazing. Oh well...
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the Jack Ass & the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people
who remarked it was a shame the old man
was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,
so they changed positions.
Then, later, they passed some people who remarked,
'What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.'
So they then decided they'd both walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought
they were stupid to walk when they had a
decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people
who shamed them by saying how awful to
put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man figured they were probably right,
so they decide to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge,
they lost their grip on the animal
and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone,
you might as well...
Kiss your ass goodbye!
Ever since Spike was banned and gone I have lost the news touch. Which just goes to show that only harm comes from unnecessary anger, which is never beneficial. Hopefully he'll be back along with my enthusiasm. Cheers!--Funnybony 07:45, May 20
- Yeah, no kidding. >.< ~ 08:04, 20 May 2011
- That new story was just some rant by some other website. With Spiketron on the download, we need you firing on all cylinders. FIRE UP! mAttlobster. (hello) 08:51, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh, really, Matt, I can't think of a single story at present. Am I lame or what!?--Funnybony 08:58, May 20
- But that's your strength. What you seem to be able to do that most other users including myself can't, is pick a subject that would appear on Wikipedia and write a funny article about it. So you take a famous figure that I would find impossible to find an angle on, and then some how you find it. Your imagination may be resting, come back in a week. mAttlobster. (hello) 11:10, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
- You know, you could also work with that news thing after all... I mean, how better to draw folks' attention to the actual thing than to do a parody, or some such? Just a thought. ~ 20:16, 20 May 2011
- You know, you could also work with that news thing after all... I mean, how better to draw folks' attention to the actual thing than to do a parody, or some such? Just a thought. ~
- But that's your strength. What you seem to be able to do that most other users including myself can't, is pick a subject that would appear on Wikipedia and write a funny article about it. So you take a famous figure that I would find impossible to find an angle on, and then some how you find it. Your imagination may be resting, come back in a week. mAttlobster. (hello) 11:10, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh, really, Matt, I can't think of a single story at present. Am I lame or what!?--Funnybony
- That new story was just some rant by some other website. With Spiketron on the download, we need you firing on all cylinders. FIRE UP! mAttlobster. (hello) 08:51, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
Sapphire Jefferson[edit source]
I opened up the page and laughed. I know it's Hattie McDonald, of McDonald's fame, but having her portray that lying maid was lollollolhuh? funny. Aleister 12:27 21-5-'11111
Rapture con victims demand refund[edit source]
Hey Al! Tomorrow lets do a news collab on this story. That old fucktart ding-bat getting people to give all their life savings to print dumb-shit signs that the world would end today deserves the motherfucking death penalty.--Funnybony 12:38, May 21
- Nah, the subject is too easy, and the media is to blame (Alex Jones says they've hyped it just to call Christians dumb when it doesn't happen, hey every little bit helps). Unless maybe we have his followers actually hang him from a hick southern lamppost, "Rapture this asshole", grab his wallet and try to redistribute his cash, access his swiss bank account, and they find out he's got a yacht out in the Gulf where he keeps his whores and coke. Nah, it's all too easy. But maybe. Aleister 14:00 Judgement Day
- Haha! Rapture Conman Harold Camping struck by lightning and hung by his balls from Jackass Tree by disgruntled idiots on May 22nd. What a fucking scam. He has over 100 million dollars in the bank from this bullshit and every cent should be shoved up his ass by "Da Nazz" or JC or Alex Jones, whoever gets there first. There outta be a law against motherfuckers like him--Funnybony 14:34, May 21
- Haha! Rapture Conman Harold Camping struck by lightning and hung by his balls from Jackass Tree by disgruntled idiots on May 22nd. What a fucking scam. He has over 100 million dollars in the bank from this bullshit and every cent should be shoved up his ass by "Da Nazz" or JC or Alex Jones, whoever gets there first. There outta be a law against motherfuckers like him--Funnybony
Hopefully....[edit source]
this is more to your taste, though I doubt British Super-injunctions and errant footballers are big news outside Blighty. Off to read more essays now. --Sog1970 16:37, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
I say BAH! in your general direction[edit source]
And dump a long block of text here. I hope you don't mind.
But seriously, in regards to VFH... well, folks can nominate whatever, and they do, and yes, some less good stuff has been passing of late, but... you needn't make things worse, you know? Leaving or caving in to lowered standards or whatnot, what does that solve? After all, regardless of what is nominated, it doesn't mean it'll pass; please, just keep voting against the stuff you don't think ought to be featured, regardless of what other people say. I mean, I've found most folks here don't even know English - seem to think big words mean a text is 'well-written', regardless of whether those words are used proper or whether or not the sentences make grammatical sense. Silly things; gave me a double take or two in the past when my against reason was to be 'just plain bad writing'... but that's just my angle. And you've yours... and some interesting perspectives, at that. That's not to say you couldn't be a little nicer about it when you do vote against things, though, and perhaps specific. Not only is it more considerate to the writers, but it's also less apt to get folks cranky at you and arguing and such. I mean, look at the ones that tend to trigger this.
Just some thoughts. ~ 08:37, 25 May 2011
- No Bah needed, dear. Of course I take and value you advice and friendship. I just wish there were more nice princesses like you on Uncyclopedia, and a bit less kindergarten gays. I shall not forsake our dear Uncyclopedia as I have too many good friends and much invested with 366 articles, and counting. Thanks as always.--Funnybony 08:47, May 25
- Which means FB, Uncyclopedia could feature all your articles at the rate of one a day in 2012, even if you stopped writing now. Then at least VFH would be drama-free for a year...I know..I am chewing the mushrooms with that fantasy. --
RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 10:35, May 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Not a bad idea. The mushrooms and featuring all of Funnybony's pages. Funnybony, this new user PoopManPoop seems to want to get into the swing of things, and I noticed you said his VFH wasn't feature worthy, maybe you can write him and give him a hint or three. I've mentioned your name to him in relationship to polishing pages. Only one drawback, he seems to be a prolific talk page writer, so you may get into a long conversation with him, which is cool. And besides the guy I found with hundreds of UnNews pages TKF (if I remember right) mentioned another user with over 200 unnews articles (this discussion is on the Writer of the Month page). Have you read my newest unnews, the mafia guy running for the GOP nomination? You may enjoy the Alex Jones section, hee hee. Are you over your jetlag yet? Aleister 12:41 25-5-'11
- Which means FB, Uncyclopedia could feature all your articles at the rate of one a day in 2012, even if you stopped writing now. Then at least VFH would be drama-free for a year...I know..I am chewing the mushrooms with that fantasy. --
- No Bah needed, dear. Of course I take and value you advice and friendship. I just wish there were more nice princesses like you on Uncyclopedia, and a bit less kindergarten gays. I shall not forsake our dear Uncyclopedia as I have too many good friends and much invested with 366 articles, and counting. Thanks as always.--Funnybony
Phnerb unsignpost[edit source]
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
May 26th, 2011 • Issue 122 • News? Where we're going we don't need news!
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Weekly update
The big news of the week is that Obama has gone to the UK to talk to some people about some important things. However, since we're stuck reporting on whatever you people have posted in the forums this week, we don't get to report on interesting things like that; we don't even have any blatant bias to crudely insert into any and all of our stories. Incidentally, asylum seekers are no help at all. But enough of those profound thoughts - let's talk Uncyclopedia! This week saw the return of Dawg. For those of you don't know, Dawg is an Uncyclopedian from the days of yore when Uncyclopedians sported in Elysium and all the problems lay ahead. Hurrah, welcome back Dawg. Deciding that the mere sight of his signature on talk pages did not send the appropriate spasms of joy to the loins of every active and inactive Uncyclopedian, Dawg decided to deop Lyrithya and ban her for two years, an action guaranteed to stir the loins of even the most miserable Uncyclopedian. Obviously this was an unforgivable abuse of power and the people demand cake; it's better for you than blood, supposedly. Dr. Skullthumper has also embarked on yet another voyage of busy work as his proposal to semi-protect all featured articles forever sailed through the forums on Wednesday. The UnSignpost is one hundred percent behind Dr. Skullthumper in this, his latest foray into "Doing what must be done despite you all," that is until someone decides it was a stupid idea two years from now, in which case Dr. Skullthumper is a twarse and a racist. In other news, Nachlader has sacked everyone due to Uncyclopedia's poor performance in the last fiscal year, and Bacon is made of Pigs and win. Finally, ebil wikia turned off image uploading which, as any school child knows, THEY ACTUALLY CANNOT DO, BY LAW. It was only for a couple of hours and it only really affected people in America, so who cares? Wikia have turned it on again now, so you may recommence uploading horrible images of yourself/your penis/somebody else's penis without fear of being interrupted by completely unnecessary essential maintenance. UnNews
UnNews is in crisis; with SPIKE absent and Zim ulator likely high as a kite somewhere, there can be no doubt that UnNews lacks a leader. Discussions are presently taking place to decide who should fill the entirely fabricated position at the top of UnNews. Obviously voting is the way forwards, since anything decided without a vote is probably secretly designed to bring the site down around our ears. TheHumbucker appears to be the first choice for UnNews leader, indeed the only person who isn't sure he is competent is TheHumbucker. Olipro confesses himself to be unsure about all this voting; speaking privately, Olipro said "Nobody ever voted for me when I was in charge of UnNews, and it didn't not do me no harm or nothing," a sentiment this correspondent shares exactly, we think. All views are appreciated in this discussion, except views that disagree with what we have already decided. While we are on a completely unrelated topic, get some voting done on VFH; this correspondent is entirely dissatisfied with the lackadaisical approach to voting adopted by most of you. It's almost as if you don't climax every single time you do it... everyone does that right? |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||
~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:07, May 26, 2011 (UTC)
Fruits[edit source]
I just got done rewriting it according to your suggestions. What do you think? -- 01:02, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
- I think you are a fruit. Hahahahahaha heeheeheeheeh hahahahahahahuh? Aleister Saturday
Abe Lincoln's hat skunked[edit source]
Thanks for your vote on Skunk and Abe Lincoln's hat. You are a prince among princesses. I haven't checked my emails in weeks, and I'll send you one soon. The frat is revving up now with two articles: "Boyfriend" and "Muse". If you want to join in, take a pill, man, chill, dude, listen to some tunes, 'fro. More later, over the ewaves. Al Saturday
- Sure bro. I'll check out Friday (you mean Rebecca Black's joke?). Mean while, I have what I consider now to be a very long-term-project feature worthy article in THIS. and It is only on Pee because I can't Nom it myself. If there is any way you can improve it please be my guest. And Noms away if you don't mind. Your edits will beat any Pee review. It's two years in writing and tight as a drum up to date, right now. And is a Baby Boomer thing, plenty political. Cheers!--Funnybony 18:27, May 28
- Woooo, I'll look forward to reading that later (just took a quick scan, I've never seen this page of yours). I have a feeling from what you said that it's a real good one. I have a boomer-era page too, sporked and then worked on. Not to be nommed yet, jeez, I've got three on there but one is a goner already (Britainy Spear, which most people thought was about some singer but is really about a large bird). The Friday was just a joke, I'll email later today or the next. Thanks for the heads up about your page, and you know my feeling about pees, they never hurt and are usually very good to get an extra pair of eyes on there. So I hope someone takes your Dead Dick, which I'm itching to get to (or am I itching from the bugs crawling under my skin as they multiply? One of the two). Al Friday
- Sure bro. I'll check out Friday (you mean Rebecca Black's joke?). Mean while, I have what I consider now to be a very long-term-project feature worthy article in THIS. and It is only on Pee because I can't Nom it myself. If there is any way you can improve it please be my guest. And Noms away if you don't mind. Your edits will beat any Pee review. It's two years in writing and tight as a drum up to date, right now. And is a Baby Boomer thing, plenty political. Cheers!--Funnybony
Soon, for emails and reading, but for now...congratulations on your 20th feature! That is a great benchmark, a rare treat, and is seriously a nice thing. Yay! 2012 rules. Aleister 2:48 31-5-'11
- Whoops, spoke too soon. But only .5 to go! I worked on dead dicks, and hopefully you will like the edits. I can see the page going into more detail about the collectors and their hobby, conventions, etc. Funny concept, and a good way to stick it to the man (literally!). Nice work. Al 23:11 31-5-'11
UnNews:3075 bodies recovered from Polish airlines crash[edit source]
I like the story, but I noticed that the plane crashes "into a cemetery," "off the coast of Brazil," and then "into Fernando de Noronha Island in the Atlantic Ocean." Is this right? ~ 
Talk 17:18, 1 June 2011 (UTC)
- A cemetery, on an island, off the coast of Brazil. geddit? -- Prof. Olipro
KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 17:22, June 1, 2011 (UTC)
- Noronha Island is the closest to the coast of Brazil in flight path of the plane (French actually, but its a Polish joke). Glad you liked it. What is a joke if no one laughs? Hey, good job with UnNews, Humy. I think Spike is being a bit over dramatic, but that was kind of the problem in the first place, right? Any way, I'm glad you're taking the responsibility. Sorry I sent 2 stories, its just that I had two ideas and wanted to see how they looked on UnNews. Hehe! Cheers!--Funnybony 17:44, Jun 1
- Noronha Island is the closest to the coast of Brazil in flight path of the plane (French actually, but its a Polish joke). Glad you liked it. What is a joke if no one laughs? Hey, good job with UnNews, Humy. I think Spike is being a bit over dramatic, but that was kind of the problem in the first place, right? Any way, I'm glad you're taking the responsibility. Sorry I sent 2 stories, its just that I had two ideas and wanted to see how they looked on UnNews. Hehe! Cheers!--Funnybony
The UnSignpost: Best before Friday![edit source]
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
June 2nd, 2011 • Issue 123 • The only periodical that calls you back!
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Logo Pogo, what's our Vector Victor?
Those of you who aren't still reeling from the ingenuity and wit contained in the title for this story are just the kind of humour-hating Nazis who are killing this place, one "witty" article at a time, who will, naturally, have noticed that the logo has undergone a design change. This change came after several of our power hungry administrators noticed the shadowing on the old logo. Not noticed the shadowing on the old logo yet? Well head straight to the image page and look at the shadowing on the old logo. We here at the UnSignpost are utterly gobsmacked that we lived and indeed loved alongside such shoddy work, just look at the shadowing! The more you look the angrier you become; it's incredible, just what the hell was Rcmurphy thinking when he created the shadowing on the old logo!? Of course this is all untrue, the old logo is basically fine but the new one suggests that we aren't all the ten-thumbed Orangutans that <insert name here> is and that we might know something about cricket and opera. In other words, its beauty and three dimensions hide the depressing truth and, according to Dr. Skullthumper, will probably cure AIDS and bring peace to the Middle-East as well. The creator of the brand new logo is none other than Lyrithya, who wasn't available for comment at the time of going to press, but would probably would want to say something about how she owes everything to ChiefjusticeDS. A quick scan of the forum reveals only one forum topic about the new logo, making it about ten times more popular than Wikia and Jesus combined.  The other interesting development is also the development of some kind of new skin for the wiki which is presently being flaunted on a forum and on your gadgets page where you can tick a box to experience it for yourself, just like voting really. This is once again courtesy of Lyrithya, someone who just doesn't take "Meh" for an answer. The general opinion of the community regarding these changes is difficult to gauge, especially if you don't read any of the forum topics. Speaking anonymously, Mhaille expressed doubts about Vector, stating that the changes were "Only skin deep," but said that any discussion over which was better was "Just plain racist". Rank admins!
 Those of you who have heard of Rate Your Admins (or RYA if you wear sunglasses inside) need not read this story; simply scroll back to the top, read the right hand column and ask again just how does that sexy admin do it. Which segues us neatly onto the thrust of this story: Frosty has revived the original RYA, a system by which users would give the active admins a score out of ten on various categories and then the admins would have a reason to get up the next day. The new system is very similar to the old one, exactly the same, some would say, and all it needs is your contribution. The UnSignpost spoke to Sockpuppet of an unregistered user about RYA and he said "I once killed a man," but don't let that put you off; he's actually really well-adjusted. Voting couldn't be simpler. You just go to the page of the relevant admin and then you click edit (with us so far?) then you put zero in every box and press save. Don't worry; the chances of them knowing where you live are extremely remote so it's literally consequence-free, almost. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||
~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:07, June 2, 2011 (UTC)
Dead Dicks[edit source]
Hello, fellow dickhead. My collection includes a few from the American Civil War, and I often dress them up in coats and hats, set them up in rows of combat units, and pretend to do battle. I even shoot rubber-bands at them and knock down a few. "Bang, bang, blooey" go the sound effects, and the dead dicks tumble! Anyway, I think you have a great page here, and can expand and polish it even more in order to capture the stupidness of war in direct and ball-busting metaphors. May I do more on the page? It feels like a field of poppies all set to harvest and turn into opium of the masses. The more I think about it the more it seems like one of the great ideas of anti-war literature. Have you thought of renaming the page "Dead Dicks", leaving out the confusing to morons "numerical unit" which can be incorporated into the page. My brain catches the heat of the dickless soldiers, going to their graves, leaving the best part of themselves for collectors to haggle over at fan shows. Al 12:35 2-6-'11 (and I guess I wasn't kidding about sending an e-mail on Friday! I'll wait on purpose now just so my 'prophecy' proves true)
- Sure, bro! Go to town on it. It's pretty concise right now. I cleaned it up some more too. Yeah, change the name to Dead Dicks, but be careful of any double redirects. Did you see my latest "victory" news? The war seems to be over. Cheers!--Funnybony 12:43, Jun 2
- No, don't say these things, this is your page. I just see the potential you see in it. So I'll try to bring out the best of the dicks. Do you like the name you gave it, that's the most important thing, that you love the name of the page and all it represents. And viva la victory, the pushers have finally won! I'd added a category to it earlier. VC Day (Victory in Cyberspace) is upon us. Aleister 12:52 2-6-'11
- Al, bro, that's been sitting in Pee Cue for over a week, and since then you did a complete edit-check, plus additions. So would you care to Nom Dead Dick for VFH.. Or should I? I think its really good now. Whattya say, dude!
- BTW: Skunk is kicking butt!--Funnybony 17:13, Jun 3
- Just saw this. I think there is more to bring out on this page. Since you started the idea I see that it has lots of room to become an indictment of war in a profound way. This is a great page with the potential to be great-ier. There is no telling how greatiest it can get. Al 11:48 5-6-'11
- BTW: Skunk is kicking butt!--Funnybony
- Al, bro, that's been sitting in Pee Cue for over a week, and since then you did a complete edit-check, plus additions. So would you care to Nom Dead Dick for VFH.. Or should I? I think its really good now. Whattya say, dude!
- Thanks, dude. I really appreciate your edits. I personally think it goes far enough in its anti war message without running that into the ground. If we run something into the ground, then its in the ground. You are free to add more, but It's seems ready to me. Kindly reconsider.--Funnybony 12:50, Jun 5
- Alas, we will never know the extent of the dicks influence to stop war. I haven't read your new changes, and will do so sometime soon. One suggestion of no importance, would you think about changing the name to Dead Dicks, it just seems less complicated and will get the users giggling like schoolchildren. We will study war no more. War is the gas of the world. Give war no chance. More war soon! Al 13:10 5-6-'11
- No, don't say these things, this is your page. I just see the potential you see in it. So I'll try to bring out the best of the dicks. Do you like the name you gave it, that's the most important thing, that you love the name of the page and all it represents. And viva la victory, the pushers have finally won! I'd added a category to it earlier. VC Day (Victory in Cyberspace) is upon us. Aleister 12:52 2-6-'11
- Sure, bro! Go to town on it. It's pretty concise right now. I cleaned it up some more too. Yeah, change the name to Dead Dicks, but be careful of any double redirects. Did you see my latest "victory" news? The war seems to be over. Cheers!--Funnybony
Shame on you![edit source]
For the sake of non-existent dramatic effect, I shall repeat myself. Shame on you! And why is the shame "on" you? Because you were foolhardy enough to vote for the featurisation of A Series of Unfortunate Events, my latest article. Don't you realise that you should have hacked into the Uncyclopedia servers and removed both the article and its nomination page from existence? Well, you obviously did not and now look what has happened: A Series of Unfortunate Events made it onto the front page! This could well cause the fall of the southern hemisphere, and it's all your fault. 
15:05, June 2, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:Dealers win global war on drugs[edit source]
A lot of the wording sounded strangely familiar, but then I realized that I'd read the BBC story earlier today. I'm not entirely sure about the legality of copy/pasting from a news source and only changing some stuff around, but because we're a wiki and a parody and you have listed them as a source, I'm not too worried. That said, I'd be looking for a bit more originality behind a story for it to make the UnNews Front Page or the UnNews box on the Main Page. I mean, maybe retyping the source story in your own words, or at least taking out the conspicuous section break would be a start. ~ Talk 19:07, 2 June 2011 (UTC)
- Pwned. Challenge him to a duel now. Do it, I will sell the tickets and take the video. We can make sooooooo much money on this. Aleister 3:05 3-6-'11
Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.
I appreciate it, and stuff.
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:07, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
WOMP RATS![edit source]
Yay! You're playing on womp rats again! WOMP RATS! Al-ei-ster 18:27 4-6-'11
WOTM[edit source]
Thank you so much for your vote for May Writer of the Month, I really appreciate it! -- Sf13 
0050 EST 6 June 2011
The Crps street gang[edit source]
Hello!!! Ah, user Nameable is right, you missed the "y" in Kryptonite. Besides that, it's a very very gooth page. Superguy would be proud if he were where you are, but I think he's only American and don't care nuthin bout foreigners. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...oh, it's only Aleister 11:12 7-6-'11
- Hey Al, I put the Wikipedia link - and it's Kriptonite--Funnybony 12:09, Jun 7
- You were looking at the bizzaro world wikipedia. Here is the real one. A common mistake when you enter Bizzaro world. In both of them, though, to Superman kryptonite means "cryptonite". Altonite 12:05
- How does Obama spell it? He's from Kripton too. If people like the article who cares about the spelling? I have seen all kinds of whacked out spelled articles here, and anything goes (it seems) such as the Bizzaro name Britainy Spear, when the correct Wikipedia article is Britney Spears. Joking, joking!!! Cheers!--Funnybony 12:26, Jun 7
- The thing I never understood is why Superman would be so allegeric to the material that made up his home planet. That's really counter-intuitive. That would be like you or I being fatally allergic to granite or quartz (unless lots of it fell on you, then I could understand the allergy). Make no sense. If Superman felt like he had to be allergic to something, why not pieces of Saturn or an obscure comet. But the ground beneath his baby feet? I dunno. Aleister 12:31
- People on Kripton or Krypton may have been extremely lazy. I think they can only fly in Earth's atmosphere, and likewise, Kriptonite (Kryptonite) becomes toxic in Earth's atmosphere. Or maybe it just takes away their super powers..? But since when do comics make any sense?--Funnybony 12:43, Jun 7
- Nah, it kills them here. But the clothes Superman wears are made from material from his home planet, so what's up with that? And probably the reason wikipedia has a kriptonite spelling is that it's a common misspelling, and was a link and not the real word. Sup's home planet was Krypton (I should know), so stuff from there is kryptonite or, in the words of the kryptonlings, just kryptstuff. I put in lots of redirects on different spellings of Ann Coulter and Michelle Bachmann here, to catch the common misspellings and direct them to the page. Easy mistake. Oh, and I have to talk to you about that new movie, The Hangover Part Two. Have you seen it yet (I saw it a few days ago). Alystir 12:48
- Being away from Kripton was what made him strong. Just like General Yod, and Ursa if I remember correctly... MrN
12:54, Jun 7
- That's why I wonder about the clothes. His clothes are made from Krypton stuff, and he wears them all the time, probably even to bed. I think his clothes were made from the blankets and other luggage that his dad put in his baby capsule when they launched him ass backwards off the exploding planet, but they are still krypton-made. And I think kryptonite actually kills him and not just weakens him, so that's another hole in this guys story. Aleister 12:59
- I agree, Superman is a wanker. Total horseshit. I mean, blue and red tights!? At least Obama doesn't dress like a freakin' weirdo! Hehe!!--Funnybony 13:32, Jun 7
- Hang on! Are you suggesting some kinda foul play? So are you saying that Superman's clothes were in the capsule when he first landed as a child? His grown up clothes? I always figured that they were made in the ice palace after he made it with the crystal (when he tossed it into the ice, north pole was it?). I always assumed that whatever that green crystal was had been specially made so it did not act like normal Krypton/kripton (whatever so long as we have redirects). My British spell checker thinks it's Krypton. But basically, if you are you saying that Superman's clothes were in the capsule when he first landed as a child, it's possible that they were specially made. Like the green crystal maybe. Also, don't forget that the kryptonite in the first film which Lax created was not "real" kryptonite as it was made on earth based on a sample taken in space, and that they added tar as one of the ingredients was "unknown". MrN 14:46, Jun 7
- It's my understanding without proof that the clothes were his blankets, but I have no idea how anyone would have cut them to make clothes. So maybe I'm wrong and you're correct about them just appearing like a wizard-suit from the crystals. This needs investigating. Aleister 13:03 8-6-'11
- Hang on! Are you suggesting some kinda foul play? So are you saying that Superman's clothes were in the capsule when he first landed as a child? His grown up clothes? I always figured that they were made in the ice palace after he made it with the crystal (when he tossed it into the ice, north pole was it?). I always assumed that whatever that green crystal was had been specially made so it did not act like normal Krypton/kripton (whatever so long as we have redirects). My British spell checker thinks it's Krypton. But basically, if you are you saying that Superman's clothes were in the capsule when he first landed as a child, it's possible that they were specially made. Like the green crystal maybe. Also, don't forget that the kryptonite in the first film which Lax created was not "real" kryptonite as it was made on earth based on a sample taken in space, and that they added tar as one of the ingredients was "unknown". MrN
- I agree, Superman is a wanker. Total horseshit. I mean, blue and red tights!? At least Obama doesn't dress like a freakin' weirdo! Hehe!!--Funnybony
- That's why I wonder about the clothes. His clothes are made from Krypton stuff, and he wears them all the time, probably even to bed. I think his clothes were made from the blankets and other luggage that his dad put in his baby capsule when they launched him ass backwards off the exploding planet, but they are still krypton-made. And I think kryptonite actually kills him and not just weakens him, so that's another hole in this guys story. Aleister 12:59
- Being away from Kripton was what made him strong. Just like General Yod, and Ursa if I remember correctly... MrN
- Nah, it kills them here. But the clothes Superman wears are made from material from his home planet, so what's up with that? And probably the reason wikipedia has a kriptonite spelling is that it's a common misspelling, and was a link and not the real word. Sup's home planet was Krypton (I should know), so stuff from there is kryptonite or, in the words of the kryptonlings, just kryptstuff. I put in lots of redirects on different spellings of Ann Coulter and Michelle Bachmann here, to catch the common misspellings and direct them to the page. Easy mistake. Oh, and I have to talk to you about that new movie, The Hangover Part Two. Have you seen it yet (I saw it a few days ago). Alystir 12:48
- People on Kripton or Krypton may have been extremely lazy. I think they can only fly in Earth's atmosphere, and likewise, Kriptonite (Kryptonite) becomes toxic in Earth's atmosphere. Or maybe it just takes away their super powers..? But since when do comics make any sense?--Funnybony
- The thing I never understood is why Superman would be so allegeric to the material that made up his home planet. That's really counter-intuitive. That would be like you or I being fatally allergic to granite or quartz (unless lots of it fell on you, then I could understand the allergy). Make no sense. If Superman felt like he had to be allergic to something, why not pieces of Saturn or an obscure comet. But the ground beneath his baby feet? I dunno. Aleister 12:31
- Guys, that suit is made from spandex, and it was loose fitting as a baby and became tighter as he grew up. The cape WAS the blanket. See how much I know! Amazing!--Funnybony 13:17, Jun 8
- How does Obama spell it? He's from Kripton too. If people like the article who cares about the spelling? I have seen all kinds of whacked out spelled articles here, and anything goes (it seems) such as the Bizzaro name Britainy Spear, when the correct Wikipedia article is Britney Spears. Joking, joking!!! Cheers!--Funnybony
- You were looking at the bizzaro world wikipedia. Here is the real one. A common mistake when you enter Bizzaro world. In both of them, though, to Superman kryptonite means "cryptonite". Altonite 12:05
Kryp page[edit source]
I thought you had offlined, so I was going to change all the spellings on the page, but since you're here...the task is handed off an I'll go offline. hahahahaheeheeheehahahahuh? Al 13:04 8-6
UnNews:Cuban court convicts 6 of honesty[edit source]
It's an... interesting story. I plugged it into the front page, but I'm hesitant to put it in the main page box because I thought it started off sounding like a political blog. While it turns around towards the end and becomes a pretty damn good story, I got kind of put off by the very abrasive opening, and I would assume other readers would as well. If you changed the beginning and gave it a bit lighter tone (maybe go over the top with it), I'd most likely put it in the main page box. Alternatively, if other users don't see what I'm seeing in it and think it's fine and they let me know, maybe by seeing this very post and chiming in with their opinion below, I'd take that into account and maybe reconsider. Thanks for the (256th? 891st? 3,099th?) contribution, though. ~ Talk 20:35, 8 June 2011 (UTC)
Hurrah, it's the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
June 9th, 2011 • Issue 124 • The only periodical that remains aerodynamic at high speeds!
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It's serious business
 To celebrate the creation of a new ignorable policy, the UnSignpost is covering all the srs biz that has taken place on Uncyclopedia this week. Once again, Lyrithya and her unending quest to "improve" the wiki takes the top story; not content with replacing the potato logo originally created by Rcmurphy, she has created a forum (yes another one) in which she displays the new logos she has created, all wonderful and three dimensional. Dr. Skullthumper appears to have been so entranced by the the shadowing on these new logos that he is currently proposing that we allow Lyrithya to do whatever she wants, then we can only assume it will begin to rain marshmallows and then Jesus will return so that he may bless the new logos in person. Everyone loves the new logos except for Lollipop, whose home-grown logo offerings have been snubbed... one of these days he will probably buy a gun and then kill every single one of us. The Ministry of Love has a new topic on it. This is news in its own right, but it would be just plain lazy for us not to tell you what it was. In other news, Sycamore has called for all Real Nigga's to report to the Village Dump. Sycamore, who was born and raised in West Philadelphia, was unable to justify this course of action as he had one little fight and has been forced to go and live with his Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air. The UnSignpost is sure that hilarity is certain to ensue and predicts that Sycamore may well be writing horrendously bad rap music in as little as three years time. Finally it seems that the in-fighting, backstabbing and constant evil that emanates from all the current admins (with the possible exception of Modusoperandi) has not discouraged users from wanting to be just like them. The UnSignpost wonders why anybody would ever aspire to be part of a group that not only has Olipro in it but also boasts a whole one and a half women and she is maladjusted. The crippling deficiencies of Uncyclopedia's admin group haven't stopped Joe9320 from asking to be one; on being asked why he wants to be an admin, he cited no reason at all. He just does and, apparently, so should you. Also, Magic man wanted to be in the UnSignpost this week, so he is. VFS/B
 When Uncyclopedians aren't looking at depraved Horse porn or voting on articles referencing Horse porn, they are to be found gazing in wonder at VFS to see just what those barmy administrators have come up with next. Well, sort of. Currently VFS is not given over to the process of sandwich voting, but to a vote on whether to hold nominations for a preliminary round of voting for the people to administer the results of further voting, but only if there has been a vote first. In short, the admins are deciding whether or not to have some more bureaucrats. Since all of you have read Jimbo Wales fantastic works: "The Pricing of Index Options When the Underlying Assets All Follow a Lognormal Diffusion" and "Me and my ample piles. Of Money" you all know the ins and outs of the role, but we will remind you anyway. Bureaucrats give out user rights; if Uncyclopedia was a city the users would be the citizens, the vandals would be the criminals, the administrators would be the Police and Bureaucrats would be the people who send Police officers annoying notes about filling in forms and the importance of chilling their packed lunches. Currently the vote is plus four in favour so it looks like voting on sandwiches will be suspended for another month, a tragedy which two months ago seemed a very remote possibility. We would urge you to vote but you all know the form by now, just remember that Bureaucrats tend to go... missing. We sat down with absentee Bureaucrat and hilarious moustache owner Mhaille to get his opinion of the vote: "If you master the 5 D's no amount of balls on Earth can hit you" Mhaille responded before beating our reporter savagely with a sack of wrenches, so there is some definite food for thought there. Cross your legs folks, it looks like there will be another vote coming to your computer screens very soon. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:09, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
Thailand[edit source]
There is a Thai-related page on VFD, Thainglish, which I'll work on a little bit later. Thought you could add a few things and/or pop a pic or two in if you have moments somewhere today. Thanks, for thai food and all the rest. Al 13:42 9-6-'11
- I added a couple of pics and some words. Took out some words and added some. Go, eat eat, go. Al 16:27 9-6-'11
- That page is useless. And I want to avoid making fun of Thailand for obvious reasons - they are serious here and I don't want any hassles. How are you, bro!?--Funnybony 16:37, Jun 9
- Doing well, thank you, and you? OK, no Thailand stuff, but the country still has some pretty good food named after it. The page is useless? I swear at you in Thanglish: "Go! Go go go!!! Eat girl go!!!" and I'm sure you get the point. I still have to send you an email. Will do so later today, maybe (maybe on Friday) heeheeheehee. More soon. Al 16:49
- That page is useless. And I want to avoid making fun of Thailand for obvious reasons - they are serious here and I don't want any hassles. How are you, bro!?--Funnybony
Writers needed[edit source]
Bony, Flamingo here, how goes it? Me and a few of the guys are rewriting a page called Inbox if you'd like to help? We'd love to have you. There are some ideas on the talkpage if you want to chip in at all. --Black Flamingo 19:49, June 14, 2011 (UTC)
Dead Dicks[edit source]
Hellollloollloo. Thanks for agreeing to change the name of your page, I'm happy you weren't married to it (till N.Y. Mets do we part). It's both an easier name to go down and alludes to Dick Nixon as a possessive.
Another thing. Check out Alex Jones' vid on my user page, he went into the DMT elves yesterday, it didn't sound like he wanted to at first but did it. And his "people" were right there with all the news headlines and things, they probably loved that he was going bottom-line on the public. Pretty cool semi-rant. Al 18:40 15-6-'11
- p.s. ah, your talk page is ultra-long. Some browsers may not be able to handle it, man, they just can't handle the mute.
- Damn and clams, I don't know why your page isn't picking up votes by the gallon. It is such a good idea, a metaphor for war and the foolishness of war, that it should be a one-day wonder imnho. Grrrrrrrrr uncy. Al 1:02 17-6-'11
- I've come back to your giant talk page to say I've done some tweaking and editing on Dead Dicks (even while holding my own dead dick collection in my hands, I've got one I dug up from the American Civil War). I hope you like/enjoy/tolerate the edits. Remember the good old days of "Tantra"? All's war that ends war. Aleister 2:50 17-6-'11
- Damn and clams, I don't know why your page isn't picking up votes by the gallon. It is such a good idea, a metaphor for war and the foolishness of war, that it should be a one-day wonder imnho. Grrrrrrrrr uncy. Al 1:02 17-6-'11
UnSignpost Activate![edit source]
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH
June 16th, 2011 • Issue 125 • Adopt a mad Bear today... please, they're closing in.
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CURSE YOU!
It's time for the mid-month, mid-week, midnight round-up of Uncyclopedia, named this week for the mutual love and admiration currently flying back and forth on the Village Dump. The big news this week is that VFC has opened for voting, with almost every active administrator being nominated along with <insert name here>. After a whole day of voting, Zombiebaron has taken a commanding lead, racking up 14 votes, with Thekillerfroggy and Modusoperandi sitting in second and third. Our correspondent described the scenes on the page as "Sickening" as the leaders compete to see who can be the most dashing chap and concede victory to his fellows in the noblest manner possible. The UnSignpost was able to talk to Zombiebaron about the race: "Zombiebaron," he stated confidently on being asked whom he thought would prevail; on being asked who he would like to see stripped naked, smeared with Jam and fed to killer ants, he responded "Zombiebaron," and when pressed as to why he conceded that the matter was indeed "Zombiebaron". Moving on from the sickening gayery taking place on VFC, the village dump brings us the conflict and hatred that made Uncyclopedia as doomed as it is today. First PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that admins should not protect forum pages while discussion was taking place, in return the administrative body suggested that PuppyOnTheRadio should probably put some clothes on before going outside. Elsewhere on the dump, Dr. Skullthumper is doing his best to keep himself in pointless busy-work by proposing that we recategorise everything into a set of new categories within a new namespace which in turn will be within a new namespace. The practical upshot being that Dr. Skullthumper has a reason to haul himself out of bed every morning, a truly noble goal; this entire wiki having being founded around a very similar aim. Finally it seems that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 list has ground to a halt and has become Roman Dog Bird's very own personal playground and, as amusing as it is to watch him make entries about his bowel movements, his friends bowel movements, and bumsex, there aren't that many reflections on 2011. Since we passed the halfway point of the year a few weeks ago it was with some dismay that we discovered that we are still 66 reflections away from completing the task before the annual Cabal broadcast at the end of the year. This is a large crisis. Everybody should spend at least 10 minutes of the coming week running frantically around their house panicking about the impending crisis and the consequences of such a large crisis. Someone should also add new reflections to the list, but not before completing the requisite ten minutes of panic. Skully's formspring declared "national pastime of Uncyclopedia" In a bizarre twist of social networking, local user Dr. Skullthumper has created an account on the popular website formspring.me. Almost immediately the famed Uncyclopedia administrator was bombarded with questions about his sexuality, his sister, and propositions of considerable indecency. So amusing were his answers that for several hours wiki contributors ceased editing altogether to think up more clever questions to ask him. "I was looking for a place to gloat about my ban," says Equivamp, a self-proclaimed sufferer of Erectile Dysfunction. "But I was too scared to come on IRC. That's where all the rapes happen. Luckily I found one of the dozens of links to this guy's formspring that everyone's been talking about. Finally, a place to insult Uncyclopedia safely!" But even such a positive story as this brings humanity's dark side to light once more. Kip the Dip has revealed himself to be one of the most prejudiced users in Uncyclopedian history, believing the entire website to be constructed for his people alone. Several anonymous users have taken to slandering the almighty goddess Lyrithya, who continues to shower us with holy goods such as proper bloody code and images that don't look like they were shat out of MS Paint. And as for Skully, the sheer amount of time he has spent answering questions has forced him to forgo sleep for several nights in a row now. Despite these setbacks, Skully says he will "continue to do what must be done", and "hurrrrrrrrrrrrrghCOFFEE". |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, June 16, 2011 (UTC)