Thainglish
Thainglish is a language widely used by some tribes in Thailand. It is far from English or German, so if you are a native English or German speaker, or if you speak any other language except Thainglish (even sometimes), forget it. Since "unfortunate you" grew up submerged in a watered-down language which uses words to replace subtle expressions, you must learn Thainglish from scratch.
Characteristics[edit | edit source]
Thainglish is a Southeast-Asian Germanic Language, descended from either British English or American English. Brits usually say it descended from British English while Yankees usually say it descended from American English.
Thainglish is not mutually intelligible with English due to lack of grammatical features.
Thainglish has been classified as the world's easiest language to to its lack of grammatical features and low vocabulary count by the Thai prime minister. Reading this Uncyclopedia is the fastest way to learn the language, altho other people who knows the language can't understand you.
Thainglish comes in many variations depending on the couple the Thai is with. There's no standard way (Except this one; it's the world's best Uncyclopedia article in the whole wide world).
Speakers[edit | edit source]
Thainglish has 0 first lang speakers since Thai mostly just speak Thai, however, when facing situation where one gets married to either a Brit, Yankee, Aussie, Indie (Indian), South Afries, Kiwis, or any English speaking husband, they have to learn Thainglish.
As of 2021, Thainglish has a second lang speaker of around ummm.... lets say 15 million people. There are various forms of the language but this is the official form of Thainglish.
Sentence[edit | edit source]
A sentence like "I went to Siam Paragon, a mall in Bangkok yesterday" would be translated to "I go Siam Paragon mall yesterday."
A sentence like "I don't understand what you're talking about" would be translated to "I no no you say."
A sentence like "I really love you" would be translated to "Love you na ja," na ja being a native Thai word.
A sentence like "I am going to work" would be translated to "I go do work na."
Basic vocabulary[edit | edit source]
For eating, drink, or any other word related to consumption, there is only one word: EAT.
For going, moving, traveling, leaving, creeping, transporting, or any other word related to transportation, there is only the word: GO.
For ladies, girls, females, crones, women, prostitutes, bitches, babes, and so on, there is only a word: GIRL.
For the same, similar, alike, close, mirror, related there is only same same.
For another one, different, strange, unlike, enemy, points finger there is only no same.
There are more vocabulary words but these are just the basics. As time goes on, the Thai will probably adopt English and leave behind Thainglish (It's sad, I know).
Philophobical aspects[edit | edit source]
These three fundamental terms can create the full Thanglish language because of their basic nature.
In principle and truth, there are no more activities by biological means except eating, reproducing, and going. So people usually switch between them, or combine them in some fashion. If you pretend to be alive, you need at least three things: food, sex, and locomotion. Food (and its close cousin, liquid) for sure, so you can exist and be here. Sex for copying yourself and for entertainment. And moving for getting there. All other abilities, like seeing, hearing, thinking and the rest, only serve the three main principles, discussed above.
| Thainglish | EAT | GO | GIRL |
|---|---|---|---|
| Computer | V | Ctrl | C |
| Biology | Grow | Move | Reproduce |
| Age | 0...10 | 11...17 | 18...100 |
| Period | Childhood | Adolescent | Adult |
| Time | Morning | Afternoon | Night |
| Genre | Fun | Action | Porn |
| Drink | Water | Beer | Whisky |
Other advanced words[edit | edit source]
Food: Eat thing (lit. Thing for eating)
Family: Girl and boy (lit: Mom and dad)
Now you can communicate in Thanglish[edit | edit source]
Knowing the principles of the language, you can now communicate anything in it. If you want to say "Hello, I hope you've had a nice day sir, and where can I grab a taxicab?" it translates as "Girl! Girl go, eat?". When it is about to rain and you wish shelter it is easy to say "Go! Go go go go go!!!" and shelter will be pointed out to you. If a tiger is about to pounce on your best friend, who is oblivious to the fact, you would say "Go go go go go!!! Same girl same go go go go!!! Same girl same!!". Thanglish speakers are like silent film stars who could convey any emotion with their eyes and hands - only with Thanglish they also have many words to augment those original means of communication. There is no need for sign language in Thanglish speaking communities, as everyone can read lips.
There are several excellent English/German to Thainglish dictionaries available, both in print and online. The best selling one is named "Go", and choice of most universities is "Eat".
A picture is worth a thousand words[edit | edit source]
The picture:
The thousand words:
"Eat eat eat girl, girl eat eat eat! Go girl, go!!!" and so on.