UnNews:Mubarak steps up pressure on Egyptian fans

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

2 February 2011

Mubarak is tired of adoration and threatened not to seek popular re-election.

CAIRO, Egypt -- Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has stepped up pressure on over one million fans by threatening that he will not seek re-election, a senior U.S. official involved in the Obama administration's “Pyramid Scheme” committee said Tuesday.

The official cited underground contacts in Oman for the news and said that Mubarak was shouting and raising his fist against the adoring crowd when he made the announcement about his threatened intention.

“There have been a lot of mixed signals” over the past week, said the official, but such an announcement would be “a significant reason for all Egyptians to soil their underwear in fear of the ultra-conservative Muslim Brotherhood.”

The official said the White House has made clear that it wanted Mubarak or his son, Gamal, to continue being a presidential dynasty known for maintaining secular law and freedom in Egypt. Mubarak is looked upon as a staunch supporter of common sense and reason in the face of virtually insane Muslim fundamentalism and extremism. And Egyptians adore him to the point of being extremely irritating.

Mubarak's threat comes as Egypt teeters on a political precipice and it's unclear whether it will enrage the frustrated fans who demand, 1) He must be in power for life, and 2) after his death, he must be mummified and placed in a fourth Pyramid – to be constructed entirely by Jewish slaves contractors.

Many vowed Tuesday not to leave Cairo's central square until Mubarak promises to maintain law and order forever. One bystander commented, “They love him and demand his promise to lead for life. They want to make him Pharaoh. What Egyptian can stand Sharia law, what to speak of the infidel Shia. We just want to party.”

Sources

• Staff "Official: Egypt's Mubarak will not seek re-election" CNN, Feb 2, 2011