User talk:Funnybony/archive6
All information less important than above goes below[edit source]
Correct script format[edit source]
Here are “industry standard” Script formatting instructions from Hollywood. THIS is the correct way, the science, how to write a professional script. This is a short script about script formatting by the Industry for the Industry:
INDUSTRY STANDARD SCRIPT FORMATTING INSTRUCTIONS for UnScripts reference.
Dead Dicks[edit source]
Hellollloollloo. Thanks for agreeing to change the name of your page, I'm happy you weren't married to it (till N.Y. Mets do we part). It's both an easier name to go down and alludes to Dick Nixon as a possessive.
Another thing. Check out Alex Jones' vid on my user page, he went into the DMT elves yesterday, it didn't sound like he wanted to at first but did it. And his "people" were right there with all the news headlines and things, they probably loved that he was going bottom-line on the public. Pretty cool semi-rant. Al 18:40 15-6-'11
- p.s. ah, your talk page is ultra-long. Some browsers may not be able to handle it, man, they just can't handle the mute.
- Damn and clams, I don't know why your page isn't picking up votes by the gallon. It is such a good idea, a metaphor for war and the foolishness of war, that it should be a one-day wonder imnho. Grrrrrrrrr uncy. Al 1:02 17-6-'11
- I've come back to your giant talk page to say I've done some tweaking and editing on Dead Dicks (even while holding my own dead dick collection in my hands, I've got one I dug up from the American Civil War). I hope you like/enjoy/tolerate the edits. Remember the good old days of "Tantra"? All's war that ends war. Aleister 2:50 17-6-'11
- Yeah, maybe it's, like, too gross. Go figure!? Anyway, good additions. It is a definite Collab now. BTW: Don't stop...Y/bro!--Funnybony
07:33, Jun 17
- Thanks, and I'll do some more later today (must offline soon). Weird it's going unvoted. And look at your new talk page pic, WOW! Beautiful!!! Al 12:03 17-6-'11
- Yeah, maybe it's, like, too gross. Go figure!? Anyway, good additions. It is a definite Collab now. BTW: Don't stop...Y/bro!--Funnybony
- I've come back to your giant talk page to say I've done some tweaking and editing on Dead Dicks (even while holding my own dead dick collection in my hands, I've got one I dug up from the American Civil War). I hope you like/enjoy/tolerate the edits. Remember the good old days of "Tantra"? All's war that ends war. Aleister 2:50 17-6-'11
- Damn and clams, I don't know why your page isn't picking up votes by the gallon. It is such a good idea, a metaphor for war and the foolishness of war, that it should be a one-day wonder imnho. Grrrrrrrrr uncy. Al 1:02 17-6-'11
THIS[edit source]
Congrats on your new feature. You are getting so many features that you will have to buy a wheelbarrell to carry those templates around in. I see your intaking Soma. Ummmmmm, soma. And I will get back to Dead Dicks. Probably an expansion on the collection idea, tying in war trophies with "mans inhumanity to man". And women too, but no dicks to harvest there, except when Westmoreland is the hunter. Congrats again! And it is your 20th, a rare platueu. Al 18:52 17-6-'11
UnSignpost Activate![edit source]
The edition that's black and white and dead all over
June 16th, 2011 • Issue 125 • Adopt a mad Bear today... please, they're closing in.
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CURSE YOU!
 It's time for the mid-month, mid-week, midnight round-up of Uncyclopedia, named this week for the mutual love and admiration currently flying back and forth on the Village Dump. The big news this week is that VFC has opened for voting, with almost every active administrator being nominated along with <insert name here>. After a whole day of voting, Zombiebaron has taken a commanding lead, racking up 14 votes, with Thekillerfroggy and Modusoperandi sitting in second and third. Our correspondent described the scenes on the page as "Sickening" as the leaders compete to see who can be the most dashing chap and concede victory to his fellows in the noblest manner possible. The UnSignpost was able to talk to Zombiebaron about the race: "Zombiebaron," he stated confidently on being asked whom he thought would prevail; on being asked who he would like to see stripped naked, smeared with Jam and fed to killer ants, he responded "Zombiebaron," and when pressed as to why he conceded that the matter was indeed "Zombiebaron". Moving on from the sickening gayery taking place on VFC, the village dump brings us the conflict and hatred that made Uncyclopedia as doomed as it is today. First PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that admins should not protect forum pages while discussion was taking place, in return the administrative body suggested that PuppyOnTheRadio should probably put some clothes on before going outside. Elsewhere on the dump, Dr. Skullthumper is doing his best to keep himself in pointless busy-work by proposing that we recategorise everything into a set of new categories within a new namespace which in turn will be within a new namespace. The practical upshot being that Dr. Skullthumper has a reason to haul himself out of bed every morning, a truly noble goal; this entire wiki having being founded around a very similar aim.  Finally it seems that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 list has ground to a halt and has become Roman Dog Bird's very own personal playground and, as amusing as it is to watch him make entries about his bowel movements, his friends bowel movements, and bumsex, there aren't that many reflections on 2011. Since we passed the halfway point of the year a few weeks ago it was with some dismay that we discovered that we are still 66 reflections away from completing the task before the annual Cabal broadcast at the end of the year. This is a large crisis. Everybody should spend at least 10 minutes of the coming week running frantically around their house panicking about the impending crisis and the consequences of such a large crisis. Someone should also add new reflections to the list, but not before completing the requisite ten minutes of panic. Skully's formspring declared "national pastime of Uncyclopedia" In a bizarre twist of social networking, local user Dr. Skullthumper has created an account on the popular website formspring.me. Almost immediately the famed Uncyclopedia administrator was bombarded with questions about his sexuality, his sister, and propositions of considerable indecency. So amusing were his answers that for several hours wiki contributors ceased editing altogether to think up more clever questions to ask him. "I was looking for a place to gloat about my ban," says Equivamp, a self-proclaimed sufferer of Erectile Dysfunction. "But I was too scared to come on IRC. That's where all the rapes happen. Luckily I found one of the dozens of links to this guy's formspring that everyone's been talking about. Finally, a place to insult Uncyclopedia safely!" But even such a positive story as this brings humanity's dark side to light once more. Kip the Dip has revealed himself to be one of the most prejudiced users in Uncyclopedian history, believing the entire website to be constructed for his people alone. Several anonymous users have taken to slandering the almighty goddess Lyrithya, who continues to shower us with holy goods such as proper bloody code and images that don't look like they were shat out of MS Paint. And as for Skully, the sheer amount of time he has spent answering questions has forced him to forgo sleep for several nights in a row now. Despite these setbacks, Skully says he will "continue to do what must be done", and "hurrrrrrrrrrrrrghCOFFEE". |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
I couldn't find a title for this paragraph.[edit source]
But I could find a nice template to thank you.
Soma[edit source]
I may be around a bit more over the next couple weeks. Unfortunately, I don't even know what soma means. At least I don't have to moderate any more essays though - the highlight was "In conclusion, after carefully considering my reasearch on social neceassity and increasing biological incapabilty, I believe that old people should not be allowed to drive because they're all cunts." --Sog1970 20:30, June 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, those cunts could do with some bloody Soma. I rewrote the entire thing as a Tim Leary Dear Diary rant where he reveals the formula. It's totally different approach, and may be good already. Please take a look...then you will know all there is not to know about Soma. If you can make it better please jump in. If not, and you like it, then how about a VFH nom. That aside, I also believe that old people should not be allowed to drive because they're all cunts. Dude!--Funnybony 07:05, Jun 20
- Well, those cunts could do with some bloody Soma. I rewrote the entire thing as a Tim Leary Dear Diary rant where he reveals the formula. It's totally different approach, and may be good already. Please take a look...then you will know all there is not to know about Soma. If you can make it better please jump in. If not, and you like it, then how about a VFH nom. That aside, I also believe that old people should not be allowed to drive because they're all cunts. Dude!--Funnybony
Inbox[edit source]
Hey Bony, want to help with this rewrite we're working on? Whether it's adding new jokes or fixing up the existing ones, we could do with some extra help. --Black Flamingo 23:23, June 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Yo bro! I think it's really good now. It's not an article with a start and conclusion. It's just a slice of an inbox list. So it's complete as is. All that can be done more is to extend it longer...but then it's too long, perhaps. Should I Nom it for VFH? I'd be glad to... Cheers!--Funnybony 07:11, Jun 20
- Yo bro! I think it's really good now. It's not an article with a start and conclusion. It's just a slice of an inbox list. So it's complete as is. All that can be done more is to extend it longer...but then it's too long, perhaps. Should I Nom it for VFH? I'd be glad to... Cheers!--Funnybony
Timothy Leary's dead?[edit source]
No no no no no no, he's outside....looking in. I have to read the UnNews yet. Did you want to join me in writing Corpsearian? I dunno anyone else who could make it as funny and bony as you. It's got a long way to go, and could be a very good page if done right. Whatcha think? Huh, huh, huh? Whatcha think? Come and play if you feel in the mood. (do you know anyone else on the site who's a vegan/vegi or close? I've always disliked those terms, which is why the term Corpsearian came to mind years ago. The Padme thing, I dunno. Is Padme a well-used name or is Natalie Portman's character the only famous Padme? And that Inbox thing, Black Flamingo is going to edit it once it gets top-heavy with bad entries, and only keep the cream of the crops. Now, off to read Leary UnNews! Al 11:29 20-6-'11
- Ah, the article. Pretty good, and that's a great opening pic. I didn't know some American pharma mafia company tried to steal the name "Soma"!!! They stop at nothing to disgrace themselves in the eyes of the UnStupid. The page has a great description of a Soma trip, please expand that. The breathing thing made me lolllllolol(ipop), and it could go on and on. More more, maestro. Al 11:46 20-6
Other recent news[edit source]
I was looking at the wikipedia main page and noticed their "in the news" page had blurbs. So I added blurbs. Your italicizing was a good edit. I was talking with thehumbucker last night and learned he sees the template as sort of a feature because it is on the front page. But from my perspective, it is little more than a self edited recent articles list found on many of the sub-portals. As the person that does most of the formatting of unnews, he was not always happy with random editors randomly deciding what to put on the front page of the wiki. So. I thought, if it looked more edited (ie with blurbs) people would possibly less apt to go in and whore their or their friend's stories on the front page. I am watching to see what happens. --Kэвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 21:29, June 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey Kev! Sure, do it like Wikipedia. Who controls their recent news list on the homepage? Although I'm a long time Wikipedia editor with many articles, still, I never, ever did a single news article. Do you know how they work it?--Funnybony 06:46, Jun 21
Catch it. Kill it. Bin it. It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.
June 23rd, 2011 • Issue 126 • The only periodical that will burn your house down... with lemons!
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Experimental Vectors
 This week Uncyclopedia stands on the brink of a momentous decision, a decision that will shape the future of the wiki and possibly society as we know it. Also, Lyrithya is proposing that we introduce the Vector skin as the default skin for the whole wiki. As is the custom on our planet a vote is currently happening in a forum, which isn't really news as everything around here is eventually resolved in that way. The vote currently stands at eleven votes in favour, with the people voting for praising Vector's enticing indentation and stylings and the against voters complaining that Vector isn't compatible with Windows 95 and doesn't display properly when loaded on a monitor last used to observe the 1969 Moon Landings. For voter and skin fetishist Ljlego launched a staunch defence of Vector, saying, "I hated Vector when I first saw it on Wikipedia," while against voter and Republican Aleister in Chains has complained that the skin doesn't work when he loads it on his ZX Spectrum; he has also found the real problem with the skin, namely, "Those huge tabs at the top, they look ridiculous. " Shabidoo, meanwhile, has decided to abstain, having been unable to make up his mind; his uncertainty about the new skin springs from a belief that, "This skin is much better than the last one." What a weirdo. The UnSignpost staff has switched to Vector and report that they have, on several occasions, found money in the street on the way home; who in their right mind would refuse to switch now?  Vector does have several deficiencies which are, of course, all Lyrithya's fault. The much loved and coveted things to do page has disappeared from the sidebar, meaning that unless you search for it, you cannot find it. Incidentally, Science proves that searching for articles in the search box causes Cancer in 75% of everyone who does it. There are no other problems, except that the toolbox is set to be closed as default, Pee review is now below the facebook page link (this makes it appear less important), it doesn't make sandwiches, the edit button is on the wrong side, to watch pages I click a star (this is blatant Zionism), when I click the search box I type in a box inside the search box, and there is no link to the UnSignpost on the sidebar. If you have yet to try out the Vector skin go to your preferences page; you know you are there when the box with your optional real name in it appears. Click the gadgets tab and then select 'experimental Vector skin' from the list. Enjoy. Incidentally my real name is Archer, Leader of the Gorgonites. Fails QA  Now while the UnSignpost staff are currently contemplating a weekly box devoted to Dr. Skullthumper's latest fad for Uncyclopedia, we felt we absolutely had to cover his latest dalliance into saving us from the eternal fires to which we are so rightly condemned. QA is something you are no doubt familiar with; for those of you who aren't here is how to find out. The new revelation is the QA log; this is a splendid log for those of you who love to sit and stare at recent changes. Now you can stare at recent changes and the QA log. It basically catches people sneakily removing maintenance tags from articles in order that they may be punished for their anarchic tendencies. Dr. Skullthumper has said all of the above in forum, but that's what the UnSignpost is for - we read the forums and write a brief summary with more jokes and less whining. The aforementioned Physician would like feedback from users on how his new device works, so in short he would like you to go to his forum and tell him just how splendid it is that he has taken time out from his splendid schedule of splendid masturbation to splendidly improve this splendid site. Some of our readers have written to us to tell us what they think about this new tool: "Zombiebaron," said an anonymous letter. "Who is this?" asked RabbiTechno after phoning our hotline. "Please rush me my portable Walrus polishing kit. 4 Super brushes guaranteed to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals." read a coupon sent to us by Under user. "Wow. Now that is VERY useful." read an email from MrN9000, titled "Re:The purpose of toilets" and "Help me. I'm trapped in a post office." wrote Mordillo, who hasn't been seen since March. The QA log is live and watching all of you at this very moment and reminds you that thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, June 23, 2011 (UTC)
Pee Review[edit source]
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I just peed on something you wrote. I apologize profusely for that.
I'll attempt to control my bladder in the future. No promises though |
I think it could just use a bit of a clean up. Otherwise good. 
(talk) 00:22, 25 June 2011
King Solomon’s Mine[edit source]
Whether you believe that King Solomon is a made up character from some whacked-out scripture, or you conclude that he’s a real, historical person who is filthy rich with a bunch of gems and stuff - neither of these issues concern the essence of this article. The essence to which I allude concerns ownership. And King Solomon was, is, and always will be mine. That’s right, King Solomon’s mine.
I don’t mean to imply that he is unable to be yours also, because that is quite possible. But the most important factor in your seeking to make King Solomon your possession too, is seeking my permission. With my permission he could become your possession as well. That’s because I’m not a selfish dick who is unwilling to share my possessions.--Funnybony 
17:33, Jun 25
Hello![edit source]
Hi, I don't know your Uncy habits at all so I don't know if you follow the replies on your messages, so here's a copy pasta of what I answered to you on my TP. Rockefeller will crumble!
- My life's goal has been fulfilled! LOL, I didn't even know this existed (the Hall of Shame). I read some of your articles and they are bood Funnybony, but I had to vote against the UnNews on VFH right how, it was juuuuusssst short. I should have abstained maybe. Anyway, looking forward to read your stuff! We should write some New World Order related articles. (I won't do like I did on the Bohemian Grove article, I actually like Alex Jones) Cheers!
Mattsnow 19:06, June 26, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:ICC:Gaddafi could face jaywalking citation[edit source]
I added a few quotation marks where it looked as if they were missing. Naturally, when I add them on Uncyc., they go in as dumb quote marks, so I then had to change all of the smart ones to dumb ones for consistency. If you feel I made a mistake with the additions, please revert me.
Also, I added a category. If you scroll down on the Front Page, you'll see Lyrithya and I made an addition that makes it look like WikiNews a bit more. Still working on the details with the location bar, but we're trying to make sure that continent categories go on stories so they get picked up by the DPL and appear in the lists when clicked on. ~ 
Talk 14:32, 29 June 2011 (UTC)
The Un-Sigh-npost![edit source]
All your readers are belong to us
June 30th, 2011 • Issue 127 • Kills 99.9% of bacteria.... IN SECONDS!!
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Breasts
 You know what the problem is? You will shortly, because if there's something the UnSignpost does brilliantly, it is editorialise on matters of little or no significance to you or the people you know. The problem is the days of the week and the dates of the month are conspiring against the UnSignpost. As the UnSignpost team sat down on Sunday to play monopoly and, if there was time, lay out the foundations for this splendid periodical, some bright spark suggested that we cover the conclusion of VFS. What an excellent idea, we all agreed, and had completed an entire specialist 3D issue on that single topic, complete with free poster and balloons, when it was realised that we won't in fact know who has won until Thursday evening, by which time this periodical will have been dispatched and our team of journalists will once again be at home wanking themselves raw. So we binned that spectacular issue and persuaded our least able journalist to write the story instead; this was especially useful as we only have to pay him in hugs and Jelly Babies. So VFS trundles on into its final laborious stages; some of you may remember voting a long long time ago when it was still exciting and you checked the page every day to see how your favourite candidate was doing. Now the only people checking VFS every day are Thekillerfroggy and Zombiebaron, and only then because they are winning at the moment. Obviously all that is needed to recapture the attention of the average Uncyclopedian is a header proclaiming the existence of breasts and, of course, exclusive interviews with other Uncyclopedians! Regrettably only one of those is available right now and this being the UnSignpost you can probably guess which one.  "Well I do have a plan," said Thekillerfroggy when we interviewed him about his tactics for being the winner. When pressed, he revealed that "Well I can't reveal too much but I can say that my plan involves being the winner." Clearly TKF is playing the long game, but how about Zombiebaron? "Zombiecrat!" replied Zombiebaron when we asked how he would counter TKF's ambitious strategy to be the winner, which roughly translated means that Zombiebaron plans to be the winner as well. Third placed candidate Modusoperandi is currently sticking to his usual duties: sticking the occasional template on Ban Patrol and posting on the forums where he is occasionally racist; the best and wisest man any of us have ever known. The other obvious problem here is that we don't have any particularly active Bureaucrats (thus why we are holding this vote) to give the newly elected users their rights on Friday morning. However this is a minor detail since the voting is the fun part of any VFS and you all enjoyed that... right? Forest Fire
 As we were saying last week, Dr. Skullthumper really needs a hobby, preferably one that involves very long compulsory breaks from his computer. However, undeterred by such scathing criticism, Dr. Skullthumper and Lyrithya have decided, in the name of quality, to reform the maintenance templates, leaving a queue of articles on the timestamped maintenance categories as long as the list of women that Dr. Skullthumper isn't sleeping with. When we arrived to question the good doctor, Lyrithya demonstrated her commitment to the project by immediately saying "It was Dr. Skullthumper's fault," which at least shows she is a team player. Of course Dr. Skullthumper is far too busy to answer our questions, especially when there are problems to be solved and edit counts to be raised, so he has proposed another forest fire week because if there's anything more fun than sorting through hundreds of articles, it's tagging hundreds of them with templates. For those of you who have never seen a forest fire week it is essentially a week (duh) where users are encouraged to tag crap articles with a tag that gives them 7 days to live. All splendid and wholesome; the only issue being that for reasons best known to himself, Dr. Skullthumper has posted this idea in BHOP, so you actually have to go there in order to read it, sorry. Of course such an idea assumes that tagging articles is fun and I'm sure you will agree it is, if you are doing it once or twice a day. Once the seven days are over you'll wish that there was no Uncyclopedia, no internet and ultimately no choice! So hurry over to cast your all-important votes, and speed us on our way to misery and clerkly drudgery! |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:09, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
Doomy doomy doomy[edit source]
For furthering the
of Earth! Tacos for all!
Tacoooooos!!
Thanks! (talk) 06:41, 30 June 2011
Pantsless Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.
I appreciate it, and stuff.
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:49, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
I've never said hi[edit source]
Been here nearly a year, and i've never dropped in here. Uhm...hi. I'm Lollipop. *exchanges smelly, greasy hand* Shake? --
01:40, 1 July 2011
Thanks[edit source]
...for helping me get my first article featured !!! :) --ShabiDOO 14:25, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
Bohemian Grove[edit source]
I don't think you'll like it, since I tried to be Anti NWO at first, but then realized how difficult it would be to be funny while being in line with the conspiracy (which I truly believe, by the way, and I like Alex Jones) so I took the easier way by discrediting Jones... I wasn't too proud of myself for that, it almost got featured, I remember you voted against! I think you'll like better UnNews:Obama: We're not responsible for drones with US Army emblem's actions. I plan in the long run to totally rewrite Bohemian Grove so it is against the NWO while being funny. I am working on one on Rand Paul that bashes the NWO: User:Mattsnow/Rand Paul. Feel free to add ideas to it, it's coming along good. I've read the Amero article, great stuff! I'll read the rest of your conspiracy articles, it would be great if we could find a common subject and work on it as a collab, say: 9/11 Truth That would make a great one, so much stuff to laugh about in the "official version". (I was a part of the 911 truth movement where I live)
Mattsnow 00:17, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
Hi Matt, how about these option edit ideas - anything useful?[edit source]
The Bohemian Grove is a secret closet-gay snob’s resort that means a lot of things to a very few people. For some envious wanna-be aficionados, such as reality theorist, Alex Jones, it is the "Wise Old Owl’s Club,” but for the very, very few insiders it is an upscale gentlemen witch’s den situated in the steamy jungles of Northern California. The Bohemian Grove club house, which is almost invisible, surrounded as it is by glowing neon “Beware of the Owl” signs and heavily armed FEMA guards, is only visited by elitist world leaders, counterfeiters, peeping toms, and soggy-biscuit loving demon worshipers, who all congregate there to plan our future and generally engage in occult rituals such as dressing like hobbits and burning human effigies.
With secretive members who rank highest in the world's food chain, the Bohemian Grove has become a subject intentionally encouraging numerous speculations and stealth trespassing by the less intelligent commoners of the human race. For extreme reality theorists, especially those who suffer from acute inferiority complexes, such as Alex Jones, the Grove is the roof, nay, the temple spire, of all evil and madness that is barfing upon humanity. It is the very Portal to an Over world which is inhabited by owlish forces hell-bent on establishing a New World Order.
Bohemian Grove members only exist to help Moloch control unwanted population growth and establish a fascist autotrophia in which 99% of unlucky mankind (the vast minority) will be financially enslaved by the other 1% of lucky mankind (the tiny majority) through a globalist led “One World Government.” The "Grove" clearly represents the simple fact that 1% of the human race is much smarter than the remaining 99%. In this regard neither Uncyclopedia nor envious reality theorist, Alex Jones, are trying to insinuate anything, but, heads up! It's coming. Very soon.--Funnybony 12:54, Jul 2
Hey, mon...[edit source]
You know, you make me feel right special something. Thank you. ~ 
08:49, 2 July 2011
UnNews:Porn and kids:How young is too young?[edit source]
A fairly well written piece, but it takes a long time to get off the ground. The funny turn in the story doesn't seem to come until just after the line "teaching babies how to breast feed," when you make it evident that you're not worried with them watching porn; you're more concerned with them never being, shall we say, creative with normal childhood objects. I think that, if you cut out some of the foreplay of the story, this could be a great article because as it is, I found it difficult getting to the joke and not losing interest. ~ Talk 17:08, 2 July 2011 (UTC)
- Hummy! I looked again and the intro is subtle, but absurd because of what is being said and discussed in the context of the scene, or somethin' But, dude, if you ever feel like editing any of my articles to improve them please do so and we'll call that a collab between us. I did like that with the previous editors. And we had some collabs to show for it. I don't think I'm capable of writing anything that couldn't, somehow, be improved. You're the right honorable editor, and I'd be proud to have any collab with you... regardless if you change a little or a lot. Be my
GUESTeditor, bro!--Funnybony 19:07, Jul 2 - I definitely see what you're doing in the piece, I just felt that it didn't start happening until after that crucial part where the reader asks "Why am I reading this?" As for me editing for this kind of larger-scale stuff, i.e. more than grammar, typos, punctuation, spelling or edits of less than 5 words, I tend to play more hands off and let the author fix things up after I point them out. But if you'd rather I just jump right in, I can do that, too. What we may want to do, then, is userspace this one and fix it up over the next couple of days so it comes back out on top of the news list; it doesn't seem too topical for that to hinder it at all. Your call, though. ~
Talk 19:57, 2 July 2011 (UTC)
- Hummy! I looked again and the intro is subtle, but absurd because of what is being said and discussed in the context of the scene, or somethin' But, dude, if you ever feel like editing any of my articles to improve them please do so and we'll call that a collab between us. I did like that with the previous editors. And we had some collabs to show for it. I don't think I'm capable of writing anything that couldn't, somehow, be improved. You're the right honorable editor, and I'd be proud to have any collab with you... regardless if you change a little or a lot. Be my
Love[edit source]
...the new Qadaffi piece.... -- Sir Mhaille 
(talk to me)
UnNews:Qaddafi Arrest Warrant:African Union tells ICC to ‘bugger off!’[edit source]
Yes, I'm back. I replaced your source for this news story with the Original plaque because the link you had took me to the Strauss Kahn source and I couldn't quickly find anything like a source for this AU vs. ICC story. Is this what you wanted? ~ Talk 17:46, 3 July 2011 (UTC)
- Opps! Sorry about that. I put the correct source link now. It's real news, toooooo...--Funnybony 17:59, Jul 3
- Most awesome. Also, something that I just thought of... Maybe you could tie your new UnNews story into your one from a couple of days ago. I think there might be gold if you kept this jaywalking thing going, because I don't think Qaddafi is going to be out of the news for awhile. ~ Talk 18:02, 3 July 2011 (UTC)
- Most awesome. Also, something that I just thought of... Maybe you could tie your new UnNews story into your one from a couple of days ago. I think there might be gold if you kept this jaywalking thing going, because I don't think Qaddafi is going to be out of the news for awhile. ~
- Opps! Sorry about that. I put the correct source link now. It's real news, toooooo...--Funnybony
The Big Crunch[edit source]
I would suggest FB you move the world in a nutcracker image as the lead pic on that page. It will grab a reader's attention quicker in my view. Also the article seems to lack a 'middle' in my view, that's why I can't vote in favour for the moment. Hope all else is well! --
RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 07:42, July 6, 2011 (UTC)
It's free and it always will be; it's the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!
July 7th, 2011 • Issue 128 • Why not have some Yoghurt?
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The Final Solution
 The year is 2011, as you are obviously well aware, and Uncyclopedia once again faces a crisis that could very well shake the very foundations of the wiki and destroy the comedic soul of the userbase. Ha, fooled you, here is a story about a forum that nobody except Lyrithya has replied to. You all recall that last week we covered Dr. Skullthumper and his latest dalliance with quality control. Well, it seems that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user took exception to these changes, and he is determined to make a stand for justice, democracy and the The UnSignpost decided not to have an interview with anyone this week as it involves all sorts of complex logistical work and what can be charitably described as begging but rather has elected to have people answer any question with a random line from their talk page that they have said; we aren't completely unprofessional. The first person we didn't sit down with was Socky himself, to inform him that we were running this story. "That's... partially nice and partially creepy to hear." he responded. Asked why he opposed the reforms he said "The dark side is always my choice." which at least explains why he lives underneath a power station. Finally we asked what his proposed solution would be: "All I can say is that it's Arabic and I have a hunch it has "Allah" in it somewhere," he said enthusiastically (we imagine). We failed to ask Uncyclopedian every man Frosty what he thought about the conflict, he responded by saying "They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered." albeit he did say this on Tuesday... to someone else... about something completely different. Dr. Skullthumper rebutted Socky's accusations of Article Death Camps by saying "I've been an uptight fucker because I was on my periods" to RAHB, in 2008. Hopefully this will all accumulate with some kind of massive fight, hopefully with lasers... in space; this correspondent certainly hopes so. Competitions
 We here at the UnSignpost were out of writing material this week, and that doesn't just mean we have run out of pens, it means that VFS has concluded, nobody is really fighting about anything and most crucially there have been no writing competitions. Usually you can't move for Uncyclopedia competitions begging people to write something funny in the name of fun and games and with the promise of a shiny template should they do particularly well. Well Thekillerfroggy certainly noticed and it seems that every person who has ever hosted a competition ever was just waiting for him to ask since they are now all fighting over who gets to hold their writing competition first, by being incredibly gallant and insisting that everyone else go first. It's like watching a group of middle aged women discuss who will get to have the last Malteser: "Oh I really shouldn't, no you do it, you haven't had a Malteser in such a long time, I know I love them and being in charge of them but you asked nicely, oh do go on Mavis." You get the idea (obviously in this analogy Maltesers are writing competitions). We list the ideas floating around on the forum below for your 1) The PLS, last hosted by Sycamore in February. 2) The Article Whisperer last hosted by MadMax in October last year. 3) The Happy Monkey Competition hosted by Shabidoo in March. 4) Some hypothetical competition possibly hosted by Ljlego at some theoretical point this summer. One thing is for certain, one of these will happen, be sure to keep an eye on the forums to see what is being held when, that way you can not take part as a conscientious objection rather than just through ignorance. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
!HFV no etov ruoy rof sknahT[edit source]
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.segassem nataS wollof lanimilbus yna dragersid esaelP !sdrawkcab ti daer uoy ,yeH !sdrawkcab egassem siht daer ton oD !sdrawkcab egassem siht daer ton oD ZELUR GNIKSAMKCAB |
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- Slithy Tove 00:51, July 9, 2011 (UTC)
40th Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for supporting my 40th featured article.
It also happens to be my third featured UnNews.
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:48, July 9, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews dates[edit source]
Unless there's a good reason to change the dates on an UnNews story, I'll generally leave it untouched (unless someone's obviously trying to keep their piece in the recent news list), particularly in this case; having it listed as the 9th instead of the 10th makes UnNews look more on top of things that we actually are.
Also, I hope that was the first message you left for me in the edit summary - I rarely look at the article's history because not knowing who wrote the piece eliminates that little bit of bias. ~ Talk 02:56, 10 July 2011 (UTC)
Dead Dicks[edit source]
Dead dicks didn't make it! I haven't read your edits yet, but will edit it when I get a long stretch on a computer too, and we can try again. I really love the concept. Still without an everyday computer. Call me sometime when you get a chance and feel like catching up on uncy and other things. I'm in limbo with no access to other limbo's. Aleister 16:17 12-7-'11
The UnSignpost: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger![edit source]
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
July 14th, 2011 • Issue 129 • The Engines cannae take it Captain!
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Now You're Gone
 This week the UnSignpost is the bearer of sad sad news. A person close to us all, an integral cog in the workings of the wiki has taken a leave of absence and now there is nobody to take up the slack. Yes it is with a heavy heart we report that Sannse is hardly ever here these days. For those who are interested there will be a small service on Sunday where we will all have a minutes fresh air in honour of Sannse, on the plus side Lyrithya hasn't edited the wiki in four days at the time of going to press! This forum by super sensitive Ljlego details his intentions to force Lyrithya into a holiday, buy tampons and grow a vagina, not necessarily in that order. For those of you who don't know what a holiday involves it's a very expensive way of going to stay somewhere with unreliable internet, too much spicy food and to be molested by foreigners who smell of spicy food. Ljlego doesn't make it clear why exactly he thinks that Lyrithya needs molesting but it's most likely because she makes a prettier lady than he does. Dr. Skullthumper, who just can't stay out of the UnSignpost these days, has diagnosed Lyrithya with what he calls "Uncyc Fatigue" a condition that in its final stages renders one completely incapable of caring about anything to do with Uncyclopedia. By that prognosis just about every woman in this correspondent's life has suffered from "Uncyc Fatigue" and not, as I incorrectly assumed, "Chief Fever". Romartus called for calm saying that we should "Let Lyrithya decide what she wants to do without pressure". So we should all just sit back and wait for the first corpse to turn up; cut to pieces in an alleyway with "Shifty Eyes" daubed in blood on a nearby wall. In other news the forums have exploded with suggestions for writing competitions, with ideas like "You write an article with your eyes closed!" and "You write an article about pants and then we all vote on which pants article is most pants and the winner can add a picture of some pants to their signature!!!" being floated for your approval. If you want to participate or support an idea then make a point of telling the person suggesting it, or they are liable to forget all about it. The PLS is the one that is most likely to happen and it needs What you should all be doing.
 Hi there, my name is Magic man. Some of you may know me as god, some of you may not. In this day in age, it's hard to know what to do; you've got the media, your boss, and all your friends at school (don't try to deny it, I know most of you are still schoolchildren) telling you different things: What to like, what to wear, who to be friends with, not to follow them home. To be quite frank, it annoys the hell out of me when people tell other people what to do. Unless I'm the one doing the telling. So after reviewing all the opinion columns, listening long and hard to everyone opinions I have come to this conclusion: Really, I'm a great guy and very deserving. All my research does point to everyone giving me all their money, so that's another reason, right there. What's that you say? you think I'm lying to you just to help myself? Noooooo! What would make you say that? I mean, have I ever lied to you? Okay, maybe. But that doesn't mean I'm lying right now. Really, I'm not. Huh? What now?! You say you're to poor, old, ugly, lazy, selfish, stupid or short to give me money? Well don't worry your |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
Tournament[edit source]
Hey bro, do you plan on taking part in this tournament? If you want, me you and Oliphaunte could be a great team! Let me know. Here is the message I got:
...this is the greatest opportunity of your life. Summer extravaganza tournament. Teams of 2 or 3 users. Lasts month of August. Tournament wont be the same without you. Don't be an outcaste. CHECK IT OUT. Mattsnow 17:23, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Nah! But thanks for the invite. Although I do look forward to more collabs with you. Specially Amero (which concerns the North American Union), which could effect Canada, too. I already laid a groundwork on that if you want to add the Canadian view (looking down). I live in Thailand. But the NWO reaches here as well, it seems. Check THIS link for latest BS in the Endless Summer Land.--Funnybony 17:41, Jul 14
- Here, it is more subtle, the people are sleeping. There are no needs for coups: all political party are the same on important stuff (the war and military spending) It seems a little rougher in Thailand... Do you go on IRC sometimes? What's your name there? And I'll check out the Amero article for sure. Mattsnow 18:23, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Nah! But thanks for the invite. Although I do look forward to more collabs with you. Specially Amero (which concerns the North American Union), which could effect Canada, too. I already laid a groundwork on that if you want to add the Canadian view (looking down). I live in Thailand. But the NWO reaches here as well, it seems. Check THIS link for latest BS in the Endless Summer Land.--Funnybony
House Neopowell Salutes You[edit source]
Since you voted for Game Of Thrones and got it put into the feature queue, you are officially awesome. Thanks very much. Holy Shit It's powell 09:38, July 20, 2011 (UTC)
The UnSignpost: Avoid all contact with eyes.[edit source]
Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay
July 21st, 2011 • Issue 130 • Are you flirting with me?
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Voting (again)
 So as we approach the end of the month the monthly award competition should really be heating up and showing us all the great expanses of talent of which Uncyclopedia can rightfully boast. We are pleased to report that this is exactly what has happened; the awards pages are packed with votes and edit summaries complaining of edit conflicts while voting, or at least they would be... IF WE LIVED IN OPPOSITE WORLD! In reality visiting an awards page feels rather like trekking around Chernobyl, sans Ukranian soldier who refuses to take pictures of you in front of all the landmarks; strange mutated beings (nominees) stagger out of the shadows begging for just one vote. However they await in vain as it would appear that all of you have forgotten that voting is actually the most fun you can have on Uncyclopedia, especially with your clothes off. One need only survey the lesser awards like Author of the Month and Potatochopper of the Month to see that this is clearly an issue in need of resolution. Dr. Skullthumper had this to say of the voting problem: "How so, where?" so we can all be assured that it is at the top of his to-do list of urgent issues to be resolved. The UnSignpost would like to be the first to recommend a solution; we suggest that we hit the award pages hard and fast with a major leafleting campaign, which when followed up with a proposal to propose a discussion on the issue of awards pages with few votes to be considered at some hypothetical point in the near to distant future by a committee of individuals elected through two junior sub-committees, will be a considerable force to be reckoned with. Since investigation is rumoured to be a part of the remit of the UnSignpost we outfitted several of our fearless reporters with pens and paper and sent them to find out what you think. Our first call was to the home of <insert name here> who, may we say, could do with mowing his lawn once in a while, and putting some clothes on before dancing to Blondie in the front room. "I was actually just going to vote on all the awards, no worries guys" said <insert name here> and we can only hope that <insert name here> does exactly that, since liars are regularly incarcerated on Zombiebaron's prison island, where the piteous cries of "No Zombiebaron here?" never stop. To update on the awards that have amassed some votes Noob of the Month, Uncyclopedia's favourite award, is exceptionally close this month with one candidate having assailed the dizzying heights of 4 votes and his nearest competitor tailing him at the similarly disorientating altitude of 3 votes. Uncyclopedian of the Month is a Frosty appreciation party and he leads his nearest competitor by 8 votes. Writer of the Month is a much more subdued affair with Mattsnow leading the pack with a massive three votes. The obvious resolution to this and indeed all problems on Uncyclopedia is that we all start voting as much as humanly possible, I'm going to go and do it right now; <insert name here> promised he would and I am inspired by his example, we hope you will be too. Football
 It's American Football Season! Or so we are reliably informed on this forum by Guildensternenstein. The news is obviously that fantasy football is about to start again, for those of you who don't know how it works you are probably best to look it up on wikipedia or something because we here at the UnSignpost haven't a clue. Guildy has said "I need a minimum of 6 guys" and he would like about 12 people to sign up for fantasy football as well. The UnSignpost would also like to extend the offer of the post of "Pretend Sports Correspondent" to someone who can, occasionally, keep the expectant world up to date on the goings on in the league. If you want to participate then you had better sign up soon as there are only about three places left at the time of going to press, a working knowledge of American Football is not essential, just ask Neox and the "Well-Dressed Pickles" who managed to go the entirety of last season without winning or editing the line up, despite it containing six of the worst players in the entire league. Anyone interested in reporting on the fantasy football should submit a report to the press room from where, after some minor editing, we will place it into the next issue and claim it as our own. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:09, July 21, 2011 (UTC)
You just wrote an UnNews![edit source]
Now go vote. ~ Talk 15:25, 27 July 2011 (UTC)
More class than 9000 schools: It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
July 28th, 2011 • Issue 131 • Happy Thursday
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Forest Fire Spreads, Users Divided
 Now when it comes to deleting crap articles everybody on Uncyclopedia is on the same side, with the possible exception of Jupiterfox. We want crap articles out in order that we can effectively breed a wiki fit for kings and whoever else might stumble by. It is in the name of pruning the grand bush of humour that Forest Fire Week (or FFW if you are on a tight schedule) has come to be once again. For those of you who have been living under rocks on the surface of Saturn with only the UnSignpost to provide you with news Forest Fire Week involves tagging articles with a tag (duh) and then deleting them after seven days no matter what anyone else says. Such is the attraction of sending articles into the great infinite that there is a scoreboard on the forum detailing which of the Nobody will be surprised to learn that this is yet another brainwave from Uncyclopedia's head innovator Dr. Skullthumper who has a vision for Uncyclopedia and it is an Uncyclopedia that remains aerodynamic at high speeds due to the lack of poor articles attached to it. As always the UnSignpost has foregone actually speaking to him, mostly because we don't want our archives to be burned to the ground in the name of quality control. But just remember the good doctor is convinced "Our ancestors would not be proud of us" so we must be going right somewhere. Forest Fire Week ends on the very day that this splendid periodical has been delivered to you; users are instructed to return to their caves and await Dr. Skullthumper's next brain fart, it won't take long, it'll probably be recommending some kind of cyber upgrade for your brain that will turn us all into Cybermen. Then Doctor Who will have to murder everyone with plastic explosive, before having a final showdown with Dr. Skullthumper as he attempts to escape the exploding factory in his personal Zeppelin. It could happen. Users Return. Everything is Ruined.
 So you've been away from Uncyclopedia for a while, doing.... the garden. After a while you sit down and say "Hey my life is pretty average at the moment; I've finally managed to fit 17 crayons into a single nostril. I'll swing by past Uncyclopedia and all the freaky losers there!". So you do and everything has changed, what was right is now wrong that which once wore parachute pants... continues to wear parachute pants. Yes it seems Uncyclopedia isn't what it used to be as literally two users have reappeared to inform us that everything has gone wrong all of a sudden. Yes you should all be ashamed of the mess every single one of you have made of their favourite pages. There isn't really a point to this story, it is more a public service announcement. The other point of this story is to inform you all that our principal editor will be unable to write any news next week due to the impending arrival of several "friends" wishing to discuss some of his unfortunate financial liabilities. The UnSignpost therefore requires somebody to write the whole thing next week, attend the tedious meetings and... well that's pretty much it. If interested you should simply write the UnSignpost, it's easy; help us manage an issue every week for an entire year. It beats having real life goals. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, July 28, 2011 (UTC)
ChiefjusticeDS is a lazy sod and has paid the ultimate price... an UnSignpost Coup[edit source]
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
August 6th, 2011 • Issue 132 • Happy Thursday Saturday
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Abandon Ship. Uncyclopedia is sinking.
 Perhaps the very reason why am I writing the UnSignpost for you this week and that it is unforgivably two days late will be the main topic for this weeks top story. And that is that quite simply, everybody is leaving Uncyclopedia. Many of our long time users (If you haven't left yourself!) agree that it was Mordillo that started that unfortunate trend way back in March of this year. Of course everyone was saddened we paid our respects and moved on, nobody thought it would expand to the hip new trend it was become. Because quite frankly I personally believe most users are simply leaving us for the lulz. We were of course saddened as we watch MrN9000, SPIKE, Hyperbole, PuppyOnTheRadio, Under user, Todd Lyons, Lyrithya and our UnSignpost editor and many others whom are either not important enough or I simply forget to mention. Which brings us to the question as to why they are all leaving. Whether its because they've finally got a life, a job and a girlfriend or their simply grumpy with us all doesn't matter. What really matters is you're still here which I am very thankful for <3. All hail your new UnSignpost editor.
Simply because nobody ever submits any story ideas or suggestions like you are supposed it leaves it up to the editor to improvise on the spot. Something which this re-leaving editor is really poor at. Instead he is going to simply whre about how is a better writer than the normal writer. He is better simply due to his profound ability to whore out two bullshit stories that any sane person could see a blatant attempt to fill empty white space. Partically true I guess. When I got appointed this task by This guy , I though what could I possibly write about? Forest Fire Week? VFS? How the beloved editor won three awards last month? Well quite simply telling the story of how I arrived at this thrilling yet totally stupid story seemed like the obvious alternative, and if you read this whole thing. Hail Frosty! |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, August 6, 2011 (UTC)
==User:Mattsnow/The 9/11 Commission Report
Well, I won't be able to for a week, since we have that competition going! Let's see afterwards bro, I am positive we'll collab on some NWO topic soon, as BOhemian Grove was so fun to work on! :)
But if you could come up with small advices and ideas on the aforementionned article (it's almost finished, and quite lulzy already in my view, it would be sooo appreciated. Just small pointers and ideas for inspiration, if you can! and what do you think of it so far, in a nutshell? Peace and ttyl! Mattsnow 19:53, August 9, 2011 (UTC)
More rubbish Australian Prose because ChiefjusticeDS got stabbed in the buttocks by a rioter with a felt-tip pen[edit source]
83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
August 11th, 2011 • Issue 133 • Stay Frosty!
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And the burning continues
 It is so blatantly obvious that this is the thing to to talk about at the moment, so whilst totally disregarding I may be risking talking about it too much, I give you the latest stats on FFW. Quite sadly I say that our article count as at all time low, if you'll refer to exhibit A on the right you will see where I predict Uncyclopedia will eventually sink. I asked resident Perhaps the most strongly against the FFW So as we watch our article count gradually and then catastrophically spiral downwards think to yourself was the FFW a necessary idea? If in a couple of years down the track you find yourself actually having to emerge from your basement and get a job because Uncyclopedia has finally destroyed itself, at least you'll know exactly who to blame. Annual Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza!
This is perhaps a story I should included in the last UnSignpost but I was too busy whoring about my pro writing skillz and Chiefs absence. So my apologies to those in charge of what appears to be a pretty cool idea for a writing challenge! For those of you who don't follow the dump, this is a writing competition organized by the somewhat over the top and insane Joe9320, Aimsplode and until quite recently Shabidoo who appears to have vacated his seat as chairperson for the tournament. The participants are required to split into teams of three in which they are given a mere 16 days and 12 hours (Yes two weeks wasn't going to work), in which to write as many articles as they can on a summer based theme. Which is to say they will write about booze and sex but I guess the whole summer theme was just a cover for that. The articles are submitted for judging in which the winner will be the judges favorite I guess. To be honest I'm putting it down to the admin team to win simply because they can delete all other entries thus eliminating any competition, but hey that's just speculation. I really hope you're all having fun with the summer comp whilst I and all other southern hemisphere dwelling Uncyclopedians whilst we freeze in this winter, but hey that's what we get for being Australian! Having a riot in London
Would anybody like a free television? |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, August 11, 2011 (UTC)
Congrats![edit source]
For the feature! I knew this would work, even though it took some time! About the 9/11 article, please don't write anything on it, I was just looking for a quick suggestion! Paece! Mattsnow 15:20, August 11, 2011 (UTC)
Blocked[edit source]
Hi Funnybony. I checked and saw you were blocked for spamming Zombiebaron's talk page when he requested no more thank you notes. Talked to ZB on IRC. I trust you do return but will understand if you want a break. I can also be reached at my hotmail account too as you know. Best! --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 22:03, August 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Hi Romy, thanks for the note. Oh, did Zombie request something? I really had no idea. I usually thank people for voting on my articles and I never saw any request from him. If I usually thank people it would not be nice to stop now. Most of our old friends are gone - driven away by the petty drama-queens. As much as anyone here I consider Zombie to be a friend, and his actions to be a joke - after all. Why should anyone take offense? It doesn't equal anything. But thanks for the concern. I hope you like John Belushi - you are one of the people here who understands my type of humour. Best wishes, Cheers!--Funnybony 07:45, Aug 15
- NO, NO, NO.....you people are doing it all wrong. Here I've put together a proper guide for dealing with issues on the website. Won't you people ever learn? -- Sir Mhaille
(talk to me)
- I like to flounce at least once a year. Haven't had time to add your new story to the UnNews templates yet. Will do if noone else does this evening. --mAttlobster. (hello) 14:16, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
- NO, NO, NO.....you people are doing it all wrong. Here I've put together a proper guide for dealing with issues on the website. Won't you people ever learn? -- Sir Mhaille
- Cheers, Matt!!!--Funnybony 14:35, Aug 15
Unobtanium[edit source]
Rocka rocka rocka. We gotta feautre. You were also lucky enough to get a little ban for 6 hours...to...you know...do as puppy said "normal people stuff". Viva las cosas de gente normal!!!!!!!!! Why don't you come up with a new idea for a colab? --ShabiDOO 22:29, August 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Hi Shabi. Writing here IS "normal people stuff". Do you think that writers here are special, notable people? Don't kid yourself. Cheers!--Funnybony 07:50, Aug 15
- Hi ShabiDoo, Sure, collab, but please take a look at all my article list on my user page and note the ones that have not been marked as FA. I have at least 30 articles, which you can work on and can be featured. Out of a total of 430+ articles and news at least 10% are feature worthy. So I still have a lot that can be perfected. Not the least of them is this huge guide of some 18 pages called HTBAFANJACF That is near feature worthy, but has not been featured. If you want to make it ready for VFH that would be a good and educational venture. And a collab. Please take a look. I haven't voted much lately because the articles coming up in the last couple weeks have been mostly embarrassingly childish. And if you say the wrong thing here then people will vote against regardless how good - it's a form of punishment. Where have all the good writers like Sog gone? Tut tut!!. Cheers!--Funnybony 20:04, Aug 16
- At least I'm not dead ... yet.--Sog1970 19:41, August 17, 2011 (UTC)
430[edit source]
I see from the random chatter of magpies that you have 430 articles. Your uncy contributions could be studied in a college class (and should be, actually). Are 500 articles possible? Does God have a tail? The last time anyone here had 430 articles all by themselves was that guy named IP, who kept writing about his sexy neighbor or his latest erection. Subjects you have covered much better. Congrats on this extraordinary thing you have done. Kites to you. Al 18:01 16-8-'11
Now it only wants you gone; it's the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
August 18th, 2011 • Issue 134 • Have a Dumpling.
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It's Kicking Off
A little while ago, when the world was young and we were actually interviewing people instead of making up vaguely racist quotes, the UnSignpost ran a story on the #uncyclopedia IRC channel. At the time we could have raised issues about it being a wholly separate community where the rules of the site blur into a haze of... haziness, but we didn't; we were far too busy making jokes about penises and the abundance of jokes on the same to be found on IRC. Now, once again, IRC has been thrust into the limelight and a great deal of hand-wringing and swearing has inevitably been the consequence. Yes, this is the news that once again the cruel spectre of drama hovers above the wiki as Lyrithya has decided that there are several problems that need addressing. Number one: she would like a trip to Europe but doesn't have the disposable income, number 2: Uncyclopedia sucks , number 3: there are not enough forum topics about problem number two. She has set out to remedy the horrendous forum deficiency by creating two with deceptively enjoyable titles. The serious point to these forums revolves around the accountability of the administrators, which Lyrithya feels there is not enough of. The forum topics are the usual; huge blocks of text with no humorous comments about the Power Rangers anywhere in sight. It's all very sad and will probably end with someone leaving and vowing never to return. The other vitally important news is that Zombiebaron reports that the Forest Fire Week huffing has finished, a full two weeks after Forest Fire Week finished. When asked to comment on the less than speedy huffage of all these articles, Zombiebaron had this to say: "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron?" which surprised us since we didn't even know he played the violin. Now all that we need to attend to are the thousands and thousands of broken redirects which MadMax spent countless hours creating to make everyone's lives easier. Now he has the honour of watching them be destroyed in the name of making the wiki better. Happy Thursday everyone. R.I.P Roman Dog Bird
 It is with great sadness that we report that our long time friendly, disturbing, creepy, dirty, often autistic admin Roman Dog Bird has apparently left for some reason, a departure he announced with a rather dramatic yawn, a shame, as his ban reasons are probably the closest things to actual humour we have on Uncyclopedia. This reporter in particular found his often unjustified bannings of IPs, deletions of memorable pages and general disrespect for authority truly inspiring. On a side note, RAHB decided to return this week as part of a poorly concealed attempt to cover up the disappearance of another partially departed admin, Dr. Skullthumper. We would like to encourage all readers to welcome RAHB back by telling him how much Frank Zappa sucks on his talk page; apparently he likes that. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, August 18, 2011 (UTC)
Congratulations![edit source]
You are the recipient of the Mhaille Award For Excellence for the month of August 2011. I know its not "up there" with the great awards of Uncyclopedia, but its a way for me to show my own support and appreciation for what people are doing out there to make this place better.
How you don't have twice the number of featured articles under your belt is beyond me, but that is probably in no small part to the amount of featured articles that you have been party to in collaboration with others. That to me reflects the true nature of what this website is all about. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- Really, that is much appreciated. I'm going to put on the TOP of my user page. Again, thank you.--Funnybony 12:18, Aug 18
- hurah hurah hurah ROCK AND ROLL FUNNYBONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 15:41, August 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks, Shabi! Hey, I have a LOT of good articles you could round up and finish. It beats starting from scratch when I have 30 almost ready. Please take a look at the list on my Userpage and see if anything strikes your fancy. Let me know. Cheers!--Funnybony 16:21, Aug 18
Your Assad page, a Puddle of shit[edit source]
Hello! Loved your Assad page. I've done some editing on my Puddle of shit, which is on VFH and needs your vote like Mike Tyson needs a donut (he's actually skinny now, and a vegan!!!). Please see the addition near the bottom "And then there's this..." which kind of gives a kick in the pants to some kickable history. Vote now and beat the crowd! Give me a phone call this weekend if you have time, afternoon or late morning my time, it would be good to catch up to you. The TSA is sticking things in my pants, I must sign off. Al 18:40 19-8-'11
- Al, bro! Honestly I hate that shit page. I'm ashamed of Uncyclopedia for even considering such a horrible article. I don't think you wrote that. It already has enough votes... so I won't vote against. IT'll be featured and I'll be hiding my face in shame. Okay, I'll try to call. I've also been having PC problems since Thursday and am only partially back up. How about you? BTW: Did you see the award I got from Mhaille? I would gladly trade it for his FOR vote on any of my articles. Are you back on track with you PC now? I still have no Photoshop and some other problems to get fixed. More soon. Cheers bro!--Funnybony 18:54, Aug 19
- Ah, Puddle of Shit is a wonderful page, full of detail and loving prose in honor of one of the purest things on earth. Naw, it was a VFD save, and then I kept improving it. The section near the bottom, "And then there's this..." is now the "punch line" of the whole page. Read that and be amazed! Still PC problems. Mhaille's award is one of the best on the site, it's an honor to receive it! I'm going to work on that thing we spoke of a year ago, wikipedia releated. And I'll look at the VFH's to see if you have a new one. But there is nothing on VFH (or VFD either) that can compare to a puddle of shit, for sure! Al 15:13 20something-8-'11
- Al, bro! Honestly I hate that shit page. I'm ashamed of Uncyclopedia for even considering such a horrible article. I don't think you wrote that. It already has enough votes... so I won't vote against. IT'll be featured and I'll be hiding my face in shame. Okay, I'll try to call. I've also been having PC problems since Thursday and am only partially back up. How about you? BTW: Did you see the award I got from Mhaille? I would gladly trade it for his FOR vote on any of my articles. Are you back on track with you PC now? I still have no Photoshop and some other problems to get fixed. More soon. Cheers bro!--Funnybony
A little thing[edit source]
I just nommed Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnNews:Alien denies Al Gore threat they plan to enforce carbon tax INCREDIBLE!!! Mattsnow 22:47, August 20, 2011 (UTC)
- And a bonus video for your great writing!
Mattsnow 22:56, August 20, 2011 (UTC)
Wonko tiddlybum-post[edit source]
Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay
August 25th, 2011 • Issue 135 • Pudding anyone?
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Illogicopedia is stealing our ideas again
In an entirely precedented move, Illogicopedia has yet again stolen our proud Uncyclopedian traditions. Yes, they've finally done it, they've finally taken for their own everything that we at the UnSignpost proudly stood for, making a mockery of our fine establishment by starting up their own newspaper, the Illogicopedian Times. Or restarting, really; Readmesoon et all managed to put out a whole three issues in 2009 before getting arrested for snorting bumblebees or something, or whatever Illogicopedians do in their spare time, so technically the current is a continuation of that.  But even more shocking than that, the Illogicpedia Times is doing well; after the announcement of its revival with the release of a dummy issue and a call for contributors, Illogicopedians have actually been contributing. Almost immediately two new issues were created; while these two were both a little too well-done for a proper ?pedian publication, the worst bits were merged into the first new issue, which has already been released to tremendous apathy on their end, and outrage on ours. But this was plural Illogicopedians, unlike the usually singular Uncyclopedian or two who invariably finds itself desperately floundering for topics to write about for our publications, and as we all know, nothing ever even happens on ?pedia, so how do they do it? What are we doing wrong? The answer, my friends, is nothing. We aren't doing anything wrong; they simply stole all our ideas and used those to write their own, and having not written any of their own in so long, they had all our back issues to comb. We suggest going to Readmesoon's talkpage and mocking him and the other editors thoroughly when they inevitably run out of said ideas to steal; it shouldn't take terribly long seeing as we never really had many to begin with. Meantime, perhaps we need more Zombiebaron.  Please help me.
Please help me. I am trapped in a well. It is very dark and cold down here. I was flying a kite and looking up at the sky when I fell down here by mistake. Please send me food. (To send food to Zombiebaron, please enclose all foods within a handmade envelope and address the envelope the P.O. Box 9912203288-402B at your local train station) Urinal issues
Due to a recent shortage of plumbers, some of the urinals in the men's restroom have been backing up. As such, we at the UnSignpost would like to urge all readers to tread carefully in there, and if possible, try to lend a hand in the clean up. More news to come as the situation becomes more dire. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||||||||
~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, August 25, 2011 (UTC)
Mailman's here! Lock up your daughters and horny middle-aged Wives![edit source]
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
September 1st, 2011 • Issue 136 • Leverage is a loser.
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Spambots!
 Recently, an evil army of spambots has laid siege to Uncyclopedia. While most users went on in blissful ignorance, the rollbacks loaded their guns, the admins loaded their cannons, and Sannse took one look and didn't load her checkuser. "You're overreacting," she would have said had anyone asked her, which they didn't. These spambots are known for their random edit summaries and their apparent praise of the wiki, apparent because they have been all too happy to spread the very same praise around other sites as well, the whores: "This really helped me, I know so much now," said one of the spambots when cornered by a bin of potatoes. It later said the exact same thing regarding a deleted page. As always, the UnSignpost urges all readers to confront these bots and tell them they're doing it wrong, that they are adopted and how their mothers never hugged them, as well as that their coding is deprecated and their owner runs them through Internet Explorer, losers. And for those of you who prefer the usual blah blah blah to stop them, that also remains an option. This is just plain Unacceptable!  Drama. You never know where it's going to strike. You never know when it's going to strike. You never know how or why it's going to strike. And dare I say, there are times when you cannot be altogether very sure at all what it's going to strike. One thing is for certain, though; here at Uncyclopedia, we do a bloody poor job of it, and in the name of Klaus Nomi and his immaculate hair, we should all be ashamed! There are not enough bad things going on! Everywhere one looks it's another pathetic little pissing fight about something as insignificant as BUTT POOP!!!!, or a misdirected conservative whining about retards. Enough, I say! This is child's play! Gone are the glorious days of perpetual Uncyclopedia flame-wars, the legends such as Talk:Euroipods forever eluding the minds of today's generation of shit-raisers and stink-throwers! What of the glory that was NXWave, and his numerous sockpuppets? What of the majestic splendor of the great Aspie war? Uncyclopedians, you have disgraced your heritage! You have almost made this a pleasant place to reside! Do you realize that? This week I challenge you, oh alleged patrons of flamewars and troll-being, to take a look at yourselves, and you will soon realize that your true purpose has been eluding you for all of these years. It's time we stand up and yell! Scream! WHINE like you mean it! Whine like you whined on your first day of kindergarten when your mother drove away! Whine like a prom queen suddenly and unexpectedly drafted into the Armed Forces! Whine like your forefathers and their forefathers before them! CAUSE A STIR! CAUSE A REVOLUTION! CAUSE CHAOS! But most importantly....cause a drama. Thank you. Frosty wants to know how he's doing.
He's doing horribly. He is not a better editor than that other guy, who at least had the decency to bring me bribes of frappes and muffins. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, September 1, 2011 (UTC)
This UnSignpost brought to you by... uh... fairy dust? Hmm, we seem to have run out of sponsors.[edit source]
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
September 8th, 2011 • Issue 137 • This is still going? How?
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New urinals to be installed
 As you are no doubt aware, having been following the UnSignpost religiously like every good Uncyclopedian does, we recently reported on the decrepit state of the Uncyclopedian urinals. In the weeks since, the lavatories have been undergoing repairs following an in-depth investigation into the matter conducted out of sheer paranoia. It would seem this paranoia was warranted, however, because the entire messy affair was apparently caused by some idiot getting the bright idea to pour a vat of rubber cement down a broken toilet. If you have any information that might lead to the identity of the culprit, please, report it to the authorities. A forum has also been created to aid in the cleanup; if you would like to aid in the efforts, or would simply prefer to point and laugh at your smelly peers as they help install new urinals, that would be the place to go.
Greetings, Uncyclopedians. You may remember me from our previous issue, in which I mercilessly berated the lot of you for being a pathetic bunch of whiny losers who wouldn't know a good drama if it bit them on the nose. Beating the ever-loving shit out of your self-respect, I then left you with a challenge. To "most importantly, cause a drama." Within the past week, you've really shown me something. Congratulations are in order! Rejoice, Uncyclopedia! For you have not only caused a drama, you have in fact become The Drama! Your armpits reek of the glorious B.O. of internet drama, and that reek is really getting me off! Fear no more, for as long as thine hearts remain impure, and your bellies full of Mountain Dew, you shall never stray off the path of utter boorish piss-fighting again! I will make sure of that, watching over your future endeavors of pointlessness like a guardian magical angel with a funny Irish hat. You deserve it. You have reached the very top of the mountain, like some flaming golden eagle, majestically flying across the sky, shitting all over everything in its path...majestically. Don't listen to what your detractors say. Your constant bickering is UNITING the very country of Uncyclopedia, like some sort of annoying super glue that causes a rash if it comes into contact with human skin. You should be proud! You should be elated! You should be madly stroking yourself off at the very prospect of being the very best dramanator the world has ever seen!! But seriously, you can stop it now.
While this should come as no surprise to those of you immersed in the affairs of Wikimedia, assuming there are any of you immersed in that, we at the UnSignpost recently found ourselves quite horrified (and strangely aroused) by the images to be found on Wikimedia's servers after an anonymous source informed us of what currently qualifies as a feature. Specifically, yaoi porn. While for the sake of all our manhood we probably shouldn't repeat the URL here, for the sake of all our women and our gays, we're going to link it anyway. Enjoy, ladies. And gays. For the rest of you, however, there is a very important lesson to be realised from this: our own situation here on Uncyclopedia really isn't all that bad. Sure, we've been featuring an unusual amount of articles explicitly about the male member this week (unlike the more typical ones implicitly about it), but none of them were quite this explicit, were they? No, really, were they? We didn't actually read any of them on account of being too busy researching this other matter for the sake of you lot. We do this all for you! It's all for you! Hello? |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 01:08, September 8, 2011 (UTC)
Olympian Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for supporting my fourth featured UnNews piece.
I appreciate it, and stuff.
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:36, September 8, 2011 (UTC)
Yo[edit source]
Tried your email a few weeks back. Did it arrive? Still can't rouse myself to start writing articles again for some reason --Sog1970 20:44, September 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey Sog, yeah. Honestly it has progressively gotten worse and worse where I can hardly even relate to the incredible amount of childish time wasting and lame-subject articles - along with an abundance of kids who think shit jokes are funny - it's gotten overrun with children - a kids Wikipedia. I have lots of good articles and occasionally write a meaningful news. Otherwise I'm back to Wikipedia SS well as numerous other websites I have and groups etc. Loads of other stuff. Here all our old friends have faded away, and after 450 articles I paid my dues. No I didn't get any email. Write me at rsbj@hotmail.com and I'll send you more info... Wasss up?--Funnybony 21:31, Sep 8
- I have tried again, let's see if the email gets there this time. Otherwsie, try swainso@hotmail.com. Actually, I'm not sure why I can't be bothered to write aything (tired of recycling the same 5 ideas endlessly, perhaps). It's abit more disturbing that I can scarcely raise the enthusiasm to read articles on VHF though. --Sog1970 19:40, September 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey Sog, yeah. Honestly it has progressively gotten worse and worse where I can hardly even relate to the incredible amount of childish time wasting and lame-subject articles - along with an abundance of kids who think shit jokes are funny - it's gotten overrun with children - a kids Wikipedia. I have lots of good articles and occasionally write a meaningful news. Otherwise I'm back to Wikipedia SS well as numerous other websites I have and groups etc. Loads of other stuff. Here all our old friends have faded away, and after 450 articles I paid my dues. No I didn't get any email. Write me at rsbj@hotmail.com and I'll send you more info... Wasss up?--Funnybony
Poop[edit source]
Foo, the silly poop is ruining it for all of us, innit? I've considered both of you to be some of the best writers, not because of how much you do, but how good it tends to be. Losing that is a real shame, but then again, folks trying to amuse only themselves tends to do that, drive off others. ~ 21:42, 8 September 2011
- Hi Lyrithya. Perhaps the age limit here should be raised all the way to 7. This place is becoming so lame. And UnNews is becoming a fucked-up play-pen for tots. Too bad the ass holes drove away Spike - he was a real quality-control editor. The Spike era was a zenith - now its worse than Tripoli, without water or power and crawling with terrorists. Children and terrorists simply MUST be supervised. Now any jerk who wants to write some dumb retort on my talk page can prove my point--Funnybony 08:14, Sep 9
- Man, Spike was amazing... without him around, not only does the crap stay in the content space, but the overall quality just goes down without his little touches... right bloody shame. And meantime people won't even let me ban users for being dicks anymore even when one of the rules still clearly states it ain't acceptable... *grumps* ~
14:01, 9 September 2011
- Yes, dear! You are also amazing. A few amazing people here. But before, the admins were way too tight, now they are way too loose. And as a result of immaturity and heavy handedness UnNews is a ship with a broken rudder, a captain-less ship, that NO high-quality person is willing to edit because the admins are too tough AND too loose, and, in some cases, just emotional retards. Now Wikipedia is getting their shit together again because of losing many good writers, also because of bad politics. In fact many Wikipedia editors are dickheads who fancy them selves to be the ego-busters-from-hell. If they can't be in Wikipedia, than neither can anyone else, and because of these types of ass holes a lot of people - including me - stopped writing for Wikipedia. But they lost a LOT of good people... so now they are becoming more user-friendly. Uncyclopedia is the toy Wikipedia, so I suggest we continue to mimic our source by adopting more quality control with a velvet glove. That is preferable to now, with an iron glove and no quality control. Otherwise it just becomes a dump for morons and will become worthless, like Myspace. As an admin you could talk to the others. Any admins who are emotional retards should resign (like those who drove away Zim and Spike), and the good (even-tempered) admins need to get their butts in gear. That's my advice. Stay well!!!--Funnybony 08:44, Sep 10
- Some are too tight, some are too loose... overall fluctuates by who is more active, I guess, and I would still stand by that there is very little accountability for anyone, which is not a good thing. Standards, having actual standards would help, but does anyone listen to me? Apparently not. Whenever anyone does try something it's just like, OH NO! DRAMA! Nevermind the admins, though... we don't need them. We really don't. Seriously, if we just handle things ourselves, actually handle them, that might show folks. Might. Worth a try? Maybe? ~ 15:41, 10 September 2011
- Some are too tight, some are too loose... overall fluctuates by who is more active, I guess, and I would still stand by that there is very little accountability for anyone, which is not a good thing. Standards, having actual standards would help, but does anyone listen to me? Apparently not. Whenever anyone does try something it's just like, OH NO! DRAMA! Nevermind the admins, though... we don't need them. We really don't. Seriously, if we just handle things ourselves, actually handle them, that might show folks. Might. Worth a try? Maybe? ~
- Yes, dear! You are also amazing. A few amazing people here. But before, the admins were way too tight, now they are way too loose. And as a result of immaturity and heavy handedness UnNews is a ship with a broken rudder, a captain-less ship, that NO high-quality person is willing to edit because the admins are too tough AND too loose, and, in some cases, just emotional retards. Now Wikipedia is getting their shit together again because of losing many good writers, also because of bad politics. In fact many Wikipedia editors are dickheads who fancy them selves to be the ego-busters-from-hell. If they can't be in Wikipedia, than neither can anyone else, and because of these types of ass holes a lot of people - including me - stopped writing for Wikipedia. But they lost a LOT of good people... so now they are becoming more user-friendly. Uncyclopedia is the toy Wikipedia, so I suggest we continue to mimic our source by adopting more quality control with a velvet glove. That is preferable to now, with an iron glove and no quality control. Otherwise it just becomes a dump for morons and will become worthless, like Myspace. As an admin you could talk to the others. Any admins who are emotional retards should resign (like those who drove away Zim and Spike), and the good (even-tempered) admins need to get their butts in gear. That's my advice. Stay well!!!--Funnybony
- Man, Spike was amazing... without him around, not only does the crap stay in the content space, but the overall quality just goes down without his little touches... right bloody shame. And meantime people won't even let me ban users for being dicks anymore even when one of the rules still clearly states it ain't acceptable... *grumps* ~
Unsolicited message from beyond the grave[edit source]
I’m not sure how to start this so I’ll blabber on in multiple directions with the aim of leaving you mystified and disinterested before you finish reading this textual garbage that confronts you. Anyways, my bothersome rant is about the UnNews which you may have already given up, on but I’ll rant in the onwards direction regardless. Oh, where are my manners, I’m Haunted Undies, let’s embrace hands in a non-sexual manner to initiate greetings.
Disclaimer time - OK, I’m happy to admit I’m new here and am relatively oblivious to the golden SPIKE era you speak of but I thought things were relatively well done under the evil reign of the Humbucker. However, since his bitter departure, I lost interest in doing the UnNews (not that I was any good at it), mainly due to the foul smell that lingered in the air from all the freedom fighters and their new found rights to roam around the site devoid of journalistic responsibility and pants. At first, I found it hilarious to sit back and watch the sinking ship that was the UnNews, (in particular, the template), content in the fact that I was no longer going to play a part in its descent. However, as time rolls on I’m beginning to realize the childishness of this attitude and have come to the point where I believe something needs to be done. I’m also aware that my writing efforts have been rather garbage-esque and full of racism and toilet jokes which you hate, yet I felt that writing alongside veterans such as yourself and others was a great learning experience and only serves improve less quality jerks like myself as I learnt a great deal from copying your jokes…errr. I mean…writing style.
So ahh yeah, the reason for the aforementioned ranticulation is to pose the question “Whacha gonna do with a drunken sailor?” And by that I mean, the UnNews. I get the impression you’re about to abandon ship and given recent occurrences I’d say “fair enough”. However, this does little to benefit anyone for two reasons. One; UnNews remains infected. Two; you’ll regret all the wasted hours you spent writing with nothing to show for it except memories of a dead website which you used to love.
Bored yet? I certainly am. To prevent further ranting, I’ll get to my point. I’d like to know your thoughts on how to better the situation, given you have seen how it’s done the right way and the wrong way. My personal opinion is we need to create some sort of unofficial posse/crew/gang or super happy friends club to not so much ‘lord over’ the UnNews, but to keep it updated and well guided (to some set of simple journalistic and formatting guidelines we can agree on), a type of peer pressure of quality set up type thingamajig. I envision this would involve having a more prominent and active Newsroom in which to discuss bitch fights and deal with article whoring (a philosophical problem in my opinion). Whether this comes in some sort of user affiliation group where members have to abide by certain guidelines or in a more official role remains the object of discussion. I also like to think certain members of said posse could have different roles (but not limited to) like proof readers, template and main page updating or loudmouth editor with moustache and coffee stained teeth and canary yellow shirt who yells at everybody. I for one would like to be mild mannered reporter Klark Cent and you can be my crack whore partner Enal Siol, mild mannered reporter who can’t spell her own name.
Anyways, I’d like to hear your thoughts as this would greatly encourage me to write some more UnNews again, which I loved doing. A sense of direction may also help you regain enthusiasm instead of en-quit-iasim. So err. Whadayathink? I understand and I wish to continue. 
. 14:32, September 10, 2011 (UTC)
- Mattsnow has agreed to help checking the new UnNews for more obvious crap - while it's not much and he tends to go really easy on everything, it's a small step in the right direction, and with both of your helps, perhaps you could indeed set up something more official-like, but even with just doing more in general, maybe there really is hope. Anyway, you may want to try coordinating with him. The more folks interested in actual quality control (as opposed to ego-blowing), the better, right? ~ 15:20, 10 September 2011
- SOLUTION: UnNews needs ONE REAL EDITOR, with full authority to delete any
damnthing he/she wants. Like with Zim, and then Spike, and then Humbucker. But their rightful authority was undermined by a few envious jerksand/or emotional midgets. Those people who drove away Zim, and then Spike, and then Humbucker, can kindly hand-over REAL authority to a qualified and willing EDITOR, and then get a grip on their childish emotionsand get the fuck out of the way. It's that simple. No half-way editor. A full-on EDITOR will full and independent authority. There can not be two editors. No way. If Matt wants the job then give him full authority. I won't work with 'two' half-ass editors at once, and I won't contribute in the same place as totally inane-immature-childish crap. So get an editor and give him real authority. I'm not going to hang around anarchy. Let me know.--Funnybony 20:25, Sep 10
- Mattsnow's not really an editor, so we'd still need on of those anyway. What about you, how would you like the job? ~ 21:15, 10 September 2011
- Mattsnow's not really an editor, so we'd still need on of those anyway. What about you, how would you like the job? ~
- SOLUTION: UnNews needs ONE REAL EDITOR, with full authority to delete any
- I agree with you about the benefits of one main editor for the purpose of consistency and control. However, perhaps what drove off the previous editors was the sense of pressure, isolation and feelings of having the whole wiki against them, even though it was just a few self centred jerks. Maybe it requires a main editor with the backing of a goon squad of regulars to back him/her up when the ego’s roll into town. This goon squad could also be responsible for helping n00bs or infrequent contributors with their articles; as opposed to ignoring them and hoping they go away. With Mattsnow, he’s a great guy and writer, but he’s way too nice to be in total control. Who then? It seems like all the good writers are packing their bags and leaving for bigger and better things and I’m afraid if we start a forum to find someone all the shit kickers will come out of the closet again. Hmm. I understand and I wish to continue.
. 22:52, September 10, 2011 (UTC)
- I agree with you about the benefits of one main editor for the purpose of consistency and control. However, perhaps what drove off the previous editors was the sense of pressure, isolation and feelings of having the whole wiki against them, even though it was just a few self centred jerks. Maybe it requires a main editor with the backing of a goon squad of regulars to back him/her up when the ego’s roll into town. This goon squad could also be responsible for helping n00bs or infrequent contributors with their articles; as opposed to ignoring them and hoping they go away. With Mattsnow, he’s a great guy and writer, but he’s way too nice to be in total control. Who then? It seems like all the good writers are packing their bags and leaving for bigger and better things and I’m afraid if we start a forum to find someone all the shit kickers will come out of the closet again. Hmm. I understand and I wish to continue.
- Hi Lyrithya and HU, I have more full-time employees working than Uncyclopedia has writers, so I would look pretty damn stupid taking on a job. Over at HowTo: RabbiTechno was the editor, and he featured stuff, deleted staff, and was the editor. That is what is needed for UnNews. So until you get a permanent editor with full authority for now one of the admins needs to lord it over. A lot of shit by beginners and other kooks should never even get published (should be deleted immediately). And there should be strict control over recent news content on the homepage. Which means everyone - including prima donnas - should be hands off the recent news except one person - an admin - until you can find an editor to give full control. Every publishing deal on earth has an editor in control. So please have an admin take temporary control and create an inviting standard to attract a qualified free-labour editor. Otherwise its a goddamn embarrassing madhouse. As far as I'm concerned I was perfectly happy with ZIM. He should never have been shit on; same for Spike and Hummy - they were shat upon. So who is doing all this shitting? Must be shitty people! A rule in business is when you find an able and willing laborer, don't shit on them. Cheers!--Funnybony 08:29, Sep 11
- Hi Lyrithya and HU, I have more full-time employees working than Uncyclopedia has writers, so I would look pretty damn stupid taking on a job. Over at HowTo: RabbiTechno was the editor, and he featured stuff, deleted staff, and was the editor. That is what is needed for UnNews. So until you get a permanent editor with full authority for now one of the admins needs to lord it over. A lot of shit by beginners and other kooks should never even get published (should be deleted immediately). And there should be strict control over recent news content on the homepage. Which means everyone - including prima donnas - should be hands off the recent news except one person - an admin - until you can find an editor to give full control. Every publishing deal on earth has an editor in control. So please have an admin take temporary control and create an inviting standard to attract a qualified free-labour editor. Otherwise its a goddamn embarrassing madhouse. As far as I'm concerned I was perfectly happy with ZIM. He should never have been shit on; same for Spike and Hummy - they were shat upon. So who is doing all this shitting? Must be shitty people! A rule in business is when you find an able and willing laborer, don't shit on them. Cheers!--Funnybony
UNNEWS: BEG ZIM OR SPIKE TO RETURN[edit source]
- Well, you can't blame a girl for trying. So... yes. Someone in charge, and folks backing up... to the point where that someone can go off who knows where without having to worry about it, for the back-upers will take care of things, yes? Am I being overoptimistic? I mean, who in tarnation would do that? ~ 00:12, 12 September 2011
- An admin, like Rabbi was IC of HowTo:, like ZIM was IC of UnNews. Maybe beg Zim to take the job again? - you can't blame a girl for trying. The unfortunate part of the job is having to read all the submissions, many of which are painfully immature and inane and I hate reading them. But it has to be an Admin, because it's an admins' job to do it. Only an admin would hold any authority. PLEASE BEG ZIM, he's worth begging for, he was good. Lyrithya, you're a lovely person, really. Cheers--Funnybony 07:31, Sep 12
- An admin, like Rabbi was IC of HowTo:, like ZIM was IC of UnNews. Maybe beg Zim to take the job again? - you can't blame a girl for trying. The unfortunate part of the job is having to read all the submissions, many of which are painfully immature and inane and I hate reading them. But it has to be an Admin, because it's an admins' job to do it. Only an admin would hold any authority. PLEASE BEG ZIM, he's worth begging for, he was good. Lyrithya, you're a lovely person, really. Cheers--Funnybony
- Well, you can't blame a girl for trying. So... yes. Someone in charge, and folks backing up... to the point where that someone can go off who knows where without having to worry about it, for the back-upers will take care of things, yes? Am I being overoptimistic? I mean, who in tarnation would do that? ~