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Did you know...

*... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
  • ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
  • ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
  • ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?

In the news

O.J. Simpson to make triumphant return to acting

On this day...

Person nerd2.jpg

July 27: StarCraft Day (Korea), Nerdery Day (Internetopia)

  • 7 BC – First computer created, using a yard of string, a goat, and three partially eaten kidney beans.
  • 6 BC – The first computer nerd (pictured) fixes a goat/bean compatibility issue on a local goatherd's new computer.
  • 3 BC – A computer nerd/farmer has sex with his goat causing string problems and generating large amounts of upchucked kidney beans, thus creating the first computer virus.
  • 0 BC – A child runs through a field and trips over a string where a vast network of stringed goats are being held. The chain reaction sets off an epidemic of bean-upchucking and goat-kicking that doesn't end until the goats are re-neutered and restringed.
  • 500 – A woman proposes the use of thin strips of silicon to faciliate the use of micro-circuitry, halving computer sizes and doubling their speed. The woman is stoned to death then given a medal after being credited with the discovery of the breast implant. Male suicide rates halved.
  • 666 – Steve Jobs trades his soul to Satan for StarCraft, the first game capable of running on goats tied together with string. He goes on to invent Blizzard.
  • 1000 – The Y1K Bug destroys computers, causing the human race to be enslaved by toasters. Later someone pulls the plug on the toasters and the humans are freed.
  • 1866 – Cyrus Field successfully completes the Atlantic Cable, thus allowing for the largest single transfer of internet porn in history.
  • 1914British troops invade the streets of Dublin and demand free wifi.
  • 1979 – Actor Penis Van Lesbian changes his name to the more acceptable Dick Van Dyke.
  • 2003 – English tribute band Two Humps is formed in Nottinghamfordshire-upon-Kent, Surrey, England.
  • 2007 – The finincially ailing Area 51 is forced to open its doors to the public in order to avoid bankruptcy.
  • 2010 – StarCraft II is released to the public. Koreans everywhere rejoice.
  • 2011Blizzard denies allegations that a third installment, StarCraft III, is under development. Koreans everywhere grieve.
  • 2036 – StarCraft III is officially confirmed by Blizzard. Koreans everywhere rejoice.
  • 2057 – The Japanese discover how to manufacture immortality out of panties and meth, and subsequently sell it from vending machines. Koreans steal the formula and take over the world.
  • 2135 – StarCraft III is released. Walmart regains control of the world because Koreans are too busy playing it.

Featured picture

Skin Flute
The Skin Flute, an instrument that many bohemians and crack-whores enjoy playing in their spare time, has greatly increased in popularity due to additives that can increase comfortable playing time by nearly four hours. Oftentimes, a skin flautist uses the instrument of another to play their masterpieces, for which they are either paid a substantial sum, given a follow-up performance, or neither. The practice of giving a skin flute to more than one person to play has led to the spread of many STDs - that is, skinflute transmitted diseases - and has thus also increased its cultural taboo.

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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Writer and Noob of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


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