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“I've never seen such urination-arity!”

– Oscar Wilde on this page

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– Captain Obvious on this page

As it happens, a Main Page is a page of primarity, popularity and urination-arity Today's featured paragraph Recently featured: Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Archive – Vote for featured articles You know you're WTF when... Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,133 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,133 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,133 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,133 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,133 total flamewars purged. Advertising Did you know... ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured) ... that there is no other word for thesaurus? ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell? ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin? ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat? ... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured) ... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail? ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"? ... that I am inside your walls? ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured) ... that there is no other word for thesaurus? ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell? ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin? ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat? ... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured) ... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail? ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"? ... that I am inside your walls? ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured) ... that there is no other word for thesaurus? ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell? ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin? ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat? ... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured) ... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail? ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"? ... that I am inside your walls? ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured) ... that there is no other word for thesaurus? ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell? ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin? ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?	In the news "Come! Come support my tacky AI website!" Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about On this day... February 20: Hot Garbage Day 1792 - The Postal Service is first established, celebration ceremony is accidentally rerouted to San Francisco, Spanish California. 1872 - After some harsh wind, the Metropolitan Museum of Art opens its first exhibit, a giant pile of toppled over ceiling scaffolding. 1877 - Russian ballet Swan Lake is received poorly by critics after show swans descend into the audience and peck their eyes out. 1935 - The first woman to set foot in Antarctica wonders what all the fuss was about. 1986 - The Soviet Union launches the space station Mir, cosmonauts test whether communism can work in outer space. 2016 - A man in Schenectady, New York is the first person to describe someone's opinion as "hot garbage" (Pictured), is given medal for ruining English.
Featured picture The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you. Image credit: Mosquitopsu View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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