Babel:ARCL

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Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.

Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.

Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!

Hold on...

Why is my hair roller in here?

Wait...

This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?

Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.

Just a minute...

WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)

... the muffin man?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?

... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)

... the muffin man?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?

... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)

... the muffin man?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?

... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)

... the muffin man?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?

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On this day...
February 19: Alt + F4 Day 1600 - A volcano explodes in Peru. It's a good first line for a limerick, I guess. 1807 - Aaron Burr, former Vice President and guy who shot Alexander Hamilton, is imprisoned for treason; Burr is released following a quadruple rhyming triplet and an emotionally resonant leitmotif allusion. 1846 - The State Government of Texas is officially established in Austin, its first act: Mexican food sold within the state must include at least 200% recommended cheese intake. 1915 - World War I: The first attack on the Ottomans commences as the Australians attack the shoreline with drop bear reinforcements. 1949 - Ezra Pound decides that poetry is the perfect medium for his antisemitism, mostly because Jew can be rhymed with so many other words. 1954 - The Soviet Union transfers Crimea from Russian land to Ukraine, which will cause absolutely no problems in future. 1985 - EastEnders stars airing in the UK, causing more Brits to be visibly depressed. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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