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As it happens, a Main Page is a page of primarity, popularity and urination-arity Today's featured paragraph Recently featured: Conspiracy Theory Generator Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Archive – Vote for featured articles You know you're WTF when... Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,244 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,244 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,244 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,244 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,244 total flamewars purged. Advertising Did you know... ... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel? ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass? ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"? ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives? ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis? ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die? ... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured) ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time? ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands? ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win? ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack? ... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks? ... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel? ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass? ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"? ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives? ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis? ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die? ... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured) ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time? ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands? ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win? ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack? ... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks? ... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel? ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass? ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"? ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives? ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis? ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die? ... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured) ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time? ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands? ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win? ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack? ... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks? ... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel? ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass? ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"? ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives? ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis? ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?	In the news He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico On this day... February 25: Gangrene Appreciation Day 1863 - Civil War surgeons discover a cure for gangrene, a rusty hacksaw and a stick to bite on. 1901 - J. P. Morgan becomes a billionaire after inventing the now world-renowned overdraft protection fee. 1945 - Turkey declares war on Germany. A little late to the party but every little thing helps. 1964 - Kim Il-sung turns North Korea into a verdant paradise, a utopia masquerading as a third-world country. It's basically an Asian Wakanda. 1991 - The Warsaw pact is officially abolished, thus ushering in a new era of peace and stability in Europe for a whole two hours. 1992 - The Khojaly Massacre occurs, part of an ongoing conflict between Armenia and Azerbaijan over the enclave of Nagorno-Karabakh aaaaaand you're asleep. Okay.
Featured picture "Alas, poor Miles! I knew him, Knuckles: a fellow of infinite tails, of most mediocre flying ability." Image credit: Mhaille View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You now only have 3, god dammit, 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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