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As it happens, a Main Page is a page of primarity, popularity and urination-arity Today's featured paragraph Recently featured: Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Archive – Vote for featured articles You know you're WTF when... Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,140 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,140 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,140 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,140 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 397,140 total flamewars purged. Advertising Did you know... ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell? ... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting? ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"? ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace... ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content? ... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured) ... that this sentence is incomple ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water? ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool? ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost? ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell? ... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting? ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"? ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace... ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content? ... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured) ... that this sentence is incomple ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water? ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool? ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost? ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell? ... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting? ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"? ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace... ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content? ... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured) ... that this sentence is incomple ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water? ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool? ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost? ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell? ... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting? ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"? ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace... ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?	In the news "Come! Come support my tacky AI website!" Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) • Melania Trump's big movie star career Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about On this day... February 21: Put Off Learning a Foreign Language Day 1848 - Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels publish The Communist Manifesto, 100 billion people instantly die. 1918 - The last Carolina Parakeet dies after calling the local constable a cracker. (Pictured) 1948 - Lazy people create NASCAR to have a sport where you can sit the whole time. 1952 - Winston Churchill wonders how he can get away with being such a flaming racist. 1965 - Malcom X is assassinated by the Nation of Islam, which is a real Nation of Islam sort of thing to do. 2017 - You uninstall the Duolingo app on your phone after you can't commit to 15 minutes of learning Spanish a day. Ay pobrecito.
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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