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The 500-foot Jesus (also known as “Big J.C.”) is an enormous machine of destruction, and a possible metaphor for some kind of religious-atomic bomb. The Attack of the 500-foot Jesus will begin on a Tuesday, not far from the Independence, Missouri bus stop you normally pass on your way to work. At approximately six seconds past six minutes past six hours into the day (that's 06:06:06, derived from the number of the beast), 500-foot Jesus will rise from the depths of a nearby underground train station, cracking the ground as He rises up. He will carry two train carriages all the way to downtown Kansas City; the carriages which will then be thrown into the two tallest buildings in the vicinity. But on which day, exactly will these events occur? To discover the horrific truth about that, we must plunge into the mysterious and wondrous world of numerology, Mayan calendars, and Microsoft Project 2.0. (Full article...) Recently featured: Aragorn Donald Duck Why?:You should not vote for my dog. Just DON'T! Harvey Weinstein Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?	In the news Those poor bastards. North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island (Pictured) Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up." 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" The New York Yankees now fucking suck Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter The UK to ban the resale of tickets Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not? Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents" Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • The New England Patriots barely beating crappy opponents • Mike Tomlin screwing the Pittsburgh Steelers • Giants fans hiding in a corner • Bears invading Tennessee Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they will probably miss the playoffs • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard On this day... December 7: Official Who The Hell Is Spartacus Day 73 BC - Romans (pictured) attempt to figure out who the hell Spartacus is. Little did they know that I'm Spartacus. 1555 - The search for Spartacus continues. 1911 - Elephants were banned from King George and Queen Mary's parade in india. This may have something to do with it. 1931 - Henry Ford makes some important decisions, but he is not Sparticus. 1941 - The movie Pearl Harbor reminds us that women who recently lost their husbands at war will often turn to his brother. 1982 - Mr T (not pictured) claims in his autobiography "Pity the Fool" that he was Spartacus. Historians refute this claim. 1987 - Mikhail Gorbachev and Ronald Reagan get together for mani-pedis. 2005 - Uncyclopedia becomes littered with Spartacus jokes.
Featured picture Jo(h)n is far from able to grasp the grim reality. Image credit: OPOSSUM, Alula, DaniPine3, L10nM4st3r, as well as YouTube’s PilotRedSun, whose video inspired this image. View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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