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Uh, hello? I just wanted to take a moment to be serious... just for a sec. I know you think the internet is just fun and games, but hear me out: there's some serious shit going on that I think you should know about. This isn't stuff I just wrote down because I thought it was important. This stuff is serious. I mean really serious. Please, calm the fuck down and listen to what I'm saying. And I swear to GOD, if someone deletes this page because it's "too serious for Uncyclopedia" again, I will hunt them down. This is serious shit, okay? (Full article...) Recently featured: Charlie Kirk Cyberbullying Velociraptor Road Rage Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you? ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)? ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you? ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)? ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you? ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)? ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?	In the news One simply cannot piss until he scans this. Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured) BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay. NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C. Recent deaths: Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated 4K Director's Cut • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' morale • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Windows 10 Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • Cowboys', Bengals' and Ravens' season • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom On this day... October 14: International Hit an Annoying Person in the Head Day 1066 - William the Conqueror punches an opposing soldier in the head at the Battle of Hastings. 1922 - A man is punched in the head after he uses the elevator to ride a single floor instead of taking the stairs opposite the elevators. 1999 - A PC spits a CD out of its CD-ROM drive, hitting Bill Gates in the head. This is the first confirmed instance of artificial intelligence. 2003 - George of the Jungle was captured by a nearby tree, which promptly clubbed him in the head. Apparently the tree was meditating when George's distracting collisions occurred. 2025 - <insert name here> is brutally hit over the head with clubs for being an Uncyclopedian.
Featured picture Eugene Krabs stands in awe before his establishment as Donald Trump enacts his wonderful tariffs. Image credit: SystemPhantom View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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