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I Wish You Could Be Christian But You're Gay is a Christmas song recorded by British glam rock band Wizzard. It was first released in December 1973 and–as with most Wizzard songs–was written and produced by the band's frontman Roy Wood, a right-wing Catholic preacher and homophobic firebrand. Despite the song's controversial (some would say repugnant) message, it reached number four on the UK Singles Chart that year and is still enjoyed on British radio every Christmas. In Wood's own words, the song attempts to "address all those queers who think they can do the sign of the cross, offer you the sign of peace, and then go around sucking each other off". (Full article...) Recently featured: HowTo:Commit Tax Fraud by Giving Away Your Chocolate Factory Antipasta The Finals Fuck Around and Find Out Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?	In the news Don't ask what any of this has to do with Christmas. UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday (Pictured) Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up." 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" The New York Yankees now fucking suck Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter The UK to ban the resale of tickets Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not? Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents" Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Ravens fans hiding in a corner after yet another choke Recent deaths: The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Dallas Cowboys' season • Patrick Mahomes' backup's ACL Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Indianapolis Colts' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually • 2025 On this day... December 25: I wish it could be Christmas everyday! 4 AD - The Blessed St. Mary the Virgin, Mother of God decides not to chuck her slimy bastard infant into the nearest pile of hay. 336 - Everyone who isn't a Jew or a dirty heathen collectively decides to celebrate the birthday of a weird Jewish cultist. Now we decorate trees in his name. 935 - Wenceslaus I, Duke of Bohemia dies of acute hypothermia while drunk outside during a blizzard, titular song invented to save face. 1892 - A young child from Wichita, Kansas, actually gets a partridge in a pear tree for Christmas. Child distraught since he wanted a PS4. 1963 - African-Americans, angry at the song I'm Dreaming of a Whites-Only Christmas create their own holiday, Kwanzaa. 1976 - Santa Claus gets laid for the first time. In celebration, he gives gifts to everyone in the world, before being shot down by a surface-to-air missile. 1984 - ACLU lawyers successfully petition advertisers to start calling Christmas, The Holiday Season. 1990 - After months of violent protests, children of Atheist couples finally get Christmas presents. Jesus still hates their guts, though.
Featured picture In order to quell the ongoing strife in the Mideast, the Canadian government has elected to send their elite peacekeeping forces into Afghanistan, Iraq and Mos Eisley. Image credit: NewMess1ah View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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