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Ludwig Hieronymus Kashmir Wittgenstein (26 April 1889 – 29 April 1951) – also known as the "Rock Star of Modern Philosophy", on account of his uncanny resemblance to David Bowie – was an extraordinarily deep thinker whom no one (not even fellow philosophers) claimed to understand fully during his lifetime. This might have had something to do with his very strong Austrian accent but no one is sure. Moreover, Wittgenstein is widely thought to be the greatest philosopher of the 20th century and his philosophical insights have a profound and incalculable significance for many different areas of human endeavor (e.g., gurning, charades, bee-keeping, self-flagellation, cutting toenails, ping-pong). On the other hand, he is thought by many door-to-door salesmen, greengrocers and other non-intellectual persons who have very little interest in or knowledge of philosophy to be a 20th-century Hungarian pianist. Some taxi-drivers (see below) interviewed as part of the very extensive and exhaustive in-depth research carried out for the purposes of this article confessed, rather shamefacedly, that they had never heard of him. So much the worse for them. Ignoramuses. As all intelligent and well-informed people know, Wittgenstein, as well as being a lifelong enemy of all forms of intellectual snobbery, was the author of some of the most important philosophical works ever, which no one understood except for his now-dead students and a number of clones called "Wittgensteinians", philosophical successors who dress exactly the way Wittgenstein used to (sports jacket, open-neck shirt, Lederhosen, high-heeled walking boots) and earn huge amounts pretending they understand his ideas through the "bewitchment" of language (by which he meant ... er, see below somewhere). Further complicating the matter, all these works except the last one ("Philosophical Invaginations", 1953) have now been demonstrated by precocious schoolchildren – "A six-year-old child knows as much about philosophy as Wittgenstein," said Ronnie Tomkins, a six-year-old child – to have the truth content of a Tory Party election manifesto (i.e., roughly zero). (Full article...) Recently featured: UnPoetia:The Poop Sonnets Lawrencium Rule of Thumb Europan hookmouth Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped? ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped? ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped? ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?	In the news Well, that says a lot... Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland (Pictured) Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay. NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes Trump presents new science project to Cabinet Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures Trump fires Zakk Wylde Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione" Epstein list predictions Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys Recent deaths: Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys' and Cincinnati Bengals' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10 On this day... September 18: God's Birthday. Happy birthday, God! Infinity B.C. - God is born. Exactly how this happens remains of of the great mysteries of time, especially since the date is known with precision. 4004 B.C. - God receives the universe as a birthday present, but loses interest when He discovers that it is infested with parasites 3200 B.C. - S'dhkai, a canaanite, is struck down by lightning when he forgets God's birthday. 1300 B.C. - God decrees to his peoples that the holiest Number shall be 91. When griping ensues, God relents and changes to the much easier to remember 7. 854 A.D. - God creates Hell once the most wicked neighborhoods of Heaven reach capacity. 2001 - God gets drunk at His birthday party and passes out in Buddha´s bathroom. 2005 - God is found passed out drunk in a dumpster behind a Denny's. God is forced to attend rehab.
Featured picture In an attempt to popularize their product, Right GuardTM brand deodorant and antiperspirant spent obscene amounts of money licensing the Star Wars brand for merchandising. The best the marketing team could come up with was this still frame, featured in Good Housekeeping. The ad was promptly pulled when daring and uneducated nerds began suing the company for false advertising, claiming "they could not stick a lightsaber into their armpit without bodily harm." It is currently archived along with the ET video game as the most spectacular wastes of money ever. Image credit: Zombiebaron View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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