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FrodoGotDaRing.jpg

The famous Ring Bearer Frodo Baggins of the Shire, is a hobbit who saved Middle Earth. The heroic hobbit never set out to be a hero, or to save anything. But he was talked into it and having a good heart, he agreed with Gandalf's philosophy and being a wizard, Frodo couldn't bring himself to get into a battle of wits with someone much older and much more dramatic. The urgent warnings of doom, dark lords, and horrid creatures consuming all the pumpkin patches, cabbage and tomato gardens and strawberries and cream was enough to send Frodo into unnecessary hysteria. So effective was Gandalf's eccentric performance that Frodo agreed to leave the Shire, embark on a quest to an Elf Lord's secret meeting and then opting to go all the way to Mordor without having a single clue as to where the hell it was. But Frodo became renowned, known as a hard-nosed business hobbit, hell bent on revenge. (Full article...)

Did you know...

Guy drowning in sun.jpg
  • ... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured)
  • ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
  • ... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
  • ... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?
  • ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
  • ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
  • ... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?

In the news

President Nicolas Maduro on board the USS Iwo Jima (cropped).png
Great start to the year!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing MamdanistanLarry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Baltimore Ravens fans shitting themselves after both their teams choked big-time • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate

Recent deaths: Doug DimmadomeZed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs', Dallas Cowboys', Detroit Lions', Indianapolis Colts', Buccaneers' and Ravens' seasons • Rob ReinerBowen Yang's tenure on SNLPatrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte BardotCarl Yastrzmski2025 • The MetroCardStranger ThingsKaliVecnaThe Upside DownBuffalo Sabres' unexpected 10-game win streak

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy • The Pittsburgh Steelers' fucking up once againWeed67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • The Sabres actually being good? • Ravens' kicker • Dancin' Maduro

On this day...

At least you'll lose some weight

January 8: National Discrimination Day (U.S.)

  • 8 - First ever January the 8th.
  • 1815 - Andrew Jackson defeats the British in New Orleans, catching them by surprise while they're celebrating the peace treaty.
  • 1828 - The Democratic Party is formed on the principles of looking respectable and competent while doing absolutely nothing else.
  • 1942 - Henry Ford declares his allegiance to Adolf Hitler's dictatorship, repaints all Model T's white.
  • 1964 - Lyndon B. Johnson declares a "War on Poverty", millions of poor people are mercilessly exterminated before Johnson clarifies, "That's not what I meant..."
  • 2009 - Kellogg's continues to conquer the cereal market with smack (Pictured) after finally dropping the honey flavoring and just selling it straight up.
  • 2010 - Scientists discover that stomach acid causes breast cancer, but only when digested. Sorry, Carlin.
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.



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Writer and Noob of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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