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Dick Willie Johnson: Hey there folks! Thank you for tuning in to the Presidential Wrestling Classic! As always I'm your host, Dick Willie Johnson, joined by my good friend and colleague, Bud "Lite" Bigmeat.
Bud: Yes, let me be the first to tell everyone that we have one hell of a show for y'all tonight. This is something truly special.
Dick: Folks, grab a cold beer and just enjoy the show tonight. No matter how old you are, grab a goddamn beer, crack that sumbitch open and get a little buzz going.
Bud: Goddamn right, Dick. I got me some Jack Daniels! My absolute favorite, as I'm sure you all know! (Full article...)
Featured today, a long long time ago
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Did you know...
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- ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured)
- ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
- ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
- ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
- ...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
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In the news
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Free bus passes and shawarma for everyone! Until the money runs out..
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On this day...
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November 8: Erectional Pleasure Day
- 1000000 BC - On the plains of Africa, the Australopithecus encounters an eerie black monolith, and for the first time in history, stands erect. Moments later, with "Also sprach Zarathustra" blaring in the background, the Australopithecus realizes his hands are now free and begins to experiment with tool use. If you know what I mean.
- 1173 - The leaning tower of Pisa gives the first sign of its famous erectile dysfunction problem.
- 1653 - Taj Mahal, "Man's greatest erection for a woman" built in India.
- 1889 - Eiffel Tower erected, giving pleasure to all Parisians. Rioting ensues.
- 1901 - Washington Monument erected as a reminder to all American men that their penis is more important than diplomacy.
- 1995 - Bill Clinton calls Monica Lewinsky into the Oval Office. Lewinsky walks in and sees Clinton sitting in his chair, with his cock and balls hanging out of his pants. She digs it, and a two-year-long affair occurs between the two.
- 2016 - Donald Trump wins the 2016 presidential election, simultaneously making all Republican women across the country erect and making all Democrat women un-erect.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Recent Articles ---------------------- -->
Writer and Noob of the Month
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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| This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,942 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Zombiebaron/Uncyclopedia Reskin Committee/zork!:
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