From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
| 2day's self-gloating
|
|
JigSaw (born John Kramer) is a famous player of practical jokes, similar in style to Michael Myers, but far more creative and genius. Rather than running around groups of teenagers and stabbing them and yelling "I stabbed you LOL", he kidnaps them and knocks them unconscious until they finally wake up inside one of his elaborate pranks. JigSaw has often asserted that "most people are so ungrateful towards the art of practical jokes. I intend to change that, one person at a time."
JigSaw's career as a player of jokes began when a most cruel joke was played on his wife. She was just hanging out behind a door when some asshole slammed it open and smashed her on the nose. There was blood all over her face, but in the spirit of being a good sport, she forced a good hearty laugh at the obvious humor of the situation. This joke infuriated JigSaw, so he devised a joke to that was even better than slamming a door in someone's face. He snuck up on the guy and injected him with rat piss, knocking him out cold for several hours, during which JigSaw set up the first of his pranks. He strapped the unconscious victim down to a chair with duct tape and rigged up a bunch of sharp knives in front of his face. When the man came to, he saw the ingenuity of the prank and began laughing hysterically until JigSaw slapped him in the mouth to shut him up. It was explained to the man that if he shoved his face into the knives hard enough, he would be allowed to leave the chair. After only a couple seconds of hesitation, the man shoved his entire face through the knives, far more than the prank required. They both had a good laugh, and then JigSaw unexpectedly slapped him in the mouth so hard that he fell into a pile of barbed wire and was killed. (Full article...)
|
| 2day...
|
|
October 22: Nat-t-tional S-s-stuttering Awareness Day (Canada), nATIONAL cAPS lOCK dAY (United Kingdom)
- 1889 - AMERICAN TYPEWRITER'S UNION CHANGES NAME TO AMERICAN FEDERATION OF DICTATION TAKERS
- 1920 NEW YORK TIMES INTRODUCES ITS FAMOUS "NEWS ZIPPER"; WALL STREET JOURNAL CAUGHT WITH ITS PANTS DOWN
- 1940 - POETRY LAUREATE E E CUMMINGS ATTACKED BY RABID TYPEWRITER; HILARITY ENSUES
- 1941 - WAR BREAKS OUT BETWEEN ALLIED STANDARD TYPEWRITER KEY BOARD LOVERS AND AXIS OF DVORAK USERS; PUNCTUATION SUFFERERS AROUND THE WORLD CAUGHT IN MIDDLE
- 1968 - LED ZEP-EP-EP-EPLIN RELEASES ITS CLASSIC ALBUM "LED ZEPPPPLIN IIIII", FEATURING HIS HIT SINGLE "WHOLE LOTTTTA LLLLLOVE"
- 2005 - W W W W W W W WOR WOR WORLD REC RE REC RECORD STUT ST STUTTER WI W W WIN WINS P P P P P P P P P PRI PRIZE
- 2006 - CAPS LOCK DAY IS ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL CAPS LOCK GETS STUCK AND EVERYONE IS THOUGHT TO BE YELLING.
|
|
| Word of 2day
|
procrastination
Use it among your friends.
Gloating is power.
|
|
Around the world
|
One simply cannot piss until he scans this.
|
| DidUKnow...
|
| *... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
|
| Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
|
Uncyclopedia Languages
|
| This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,852 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Cctoide/AppealReskin!:
|
Uncyclopedia is made possible through contributions from readers like you.
All donations go toward the continuation of Uncyclopedia and its community of volunteer editors. If Uncyclopedia has ever made you laugh then we invite you to donate and help us pay for our expensive server(s). You can make all donations using your PayPal account or debit/credit card here. You can also support your local Uncyclopedia by purchasing merchandise from our merchandise store where 15% of all sales goes toward Uncyclopedia. If you cannot donate but still want to help Uncyclopedia monetarily, you can click some of the ads in our e-store to help us keep the rest of the site ad free.
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.
