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| 2day's self-gloating
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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.
Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.
Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)
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March 31: Condom Appreciation Day
- 4000 BC - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms (Pictured), resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries.
- 1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received.
- 1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression.
- 1961 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time, in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In.
- 1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City.
- 2009 - The Pope claims that condoms increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people.
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| Word of 2day
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crabs
Use it among your friends.
Gloating is power.
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Around the world
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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.
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| DidUKnow...
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- ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
- ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
- ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
- ... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
- ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once?
 - ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
- ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
- ... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
- ... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
- ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
- ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
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