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Poo Lit Surprise Logo.png The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. Poo Lit Surprise Logo.png
Somebody touch me.
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*ahem*

Lawrencium is the 103rd element of the Periodic Table of Elements, which, if you did not know what the Periodic Table of Elements is, the Periodic Table of Elements is a table full of elements, with Lawrencium being one of the elements in the Periodic Table of Elements. Little people know this fact, but if something ends with "-ium", it's most likely an element. (See Stupidium, Unobtanium, and Unobtainium). This includes Lawrencium, and thus, Lawrencium is an element. Lawrencium has the atomic symbol of Lr (which was formally Lw), and has the atomic number of 103, due to it being the 103rd element of the Periodic Table of Elements. Choquant.[2] It borders Lutetium, Nobelium, and Ytterbium on the Potentially Available Table of Elements. It is the last element in the Actinide series, because god himself couldn't think of any other elements for the Actinides. You know god also suffers from de-motivation and laziness, right? Cut him some slack. (Full article...)

Did you know...

*... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
  • ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
  • ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
  • ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
  • ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
  • ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
  • ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?

In the news

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Trump pictured holding up his project in front of his friends. They're all delighted.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian InvasionGaza WarTrump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Israel/Hamas and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk) • Chicago Bears winning the preseason • K-pop: the movie doing surprisingly well

Recent deaths: Bill Cosby's TV sonOzzy OsbourneChuck MangioneHulk HoganResident AlienDown syndromeTom LehrerThe systemFUBARCartoon Network/Adult Swim/Toonami on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp

Upcoming deaths: DEIR. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid GameMAGAJoe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan BergmanBryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates • Chicago Bears' regular season • MSNBCROBLOX

On this day...

August 22: Obvious Day (24-hour period to celebrate the recognition of things which are readily apparent)
CaptObviousTitanic.jpg
  • 1492 - First encounter between Native Americans and Europeans. "I think these guys are up to no good," the local shaman remarks after being promptly shot.
  • 1717 - Spanish troops land on Sardinia. Having forgotten the can opener, they promptly leave.
  • 1939 - The Third Reich and the Nazis continue their march across Europe. This is bad.
  • 1940 - As the Germans invade Belgium, a local looks up from his waffles and remarks "This seems somehow familiar."
  • 1945 - Nazis defeated. This is good.
  • 1948 - Jewish state of Israel founded in the predominantly Arab Middle East. This will later cause problems.
  • 1966 - Captain Obvious is born. Doctor proclaims, "It's a boy," because the child has a penis.
  • 1973 - Brutal, murderous dictator Augusto Pinochet takes control over Chile. "I bet the CIA is helping this guy," says a random intellectual just before being abducted by a group of soldiers in black helicopters.
  • 2012 - People actually acknowledge that the Titanic was in fact not unsinkable.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


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  1. Choquant is a very uncommon word only spoken by the people in a specific region which will be revealed if you keep reading this footnote, which won't actually happen because you're a dumbass for reading this text because I won't reveal where the word choquant comes from you stupid, stupid, silly man (or girl, or transgender person), probably because you can just infer where it came from, or, of course, just search it with Google, Firefox, or whatever you use. Pornhub?
  2. Choquant is a very uncommon word only spoken by the people in a specific region which will be revealed if you keep reading this footnote, which won't actually happen because you're a dumbass for reading this text because I won't reveal where the word choquant comes from you stupid, stupid, silly man (or girl, or transgender person), probably because you can just infer where it came from, or, of course, just search it with Google, Firefox, or whatever you use. Pornhub?