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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.

Hey kid! Come on over here. I wanna tell you a story. No, don't you keep walking. Get over here. Your mommy's gonna be a while in there, I can tell. I saw what she had for lunch. Don't worry, you can trust me. I got a nice honest face, don't I? Oh, I just want to tell you about what I sacrificed for your freedom. You see, son, I come from harder times. Back in the day, Uncle Sam could send you where ever he wanted whenever he wanted. And that's what he done to me. I went to go fight for my country without complaint. Lost both my legs over in 'Nam. Then they spit me right out on the streets right out of the hospital and I had no money. I didn't get no medals. I didn't get no "thank you." I didn't get SHIT. (Full article...) Recently featured: Clairvoyance among dinosaurs Reddit Obscurantism Internal Revenue Service Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ...that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ...that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ...that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?	In the news Taylor Swift buys back her masters "Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard Qatar personally gifts Trump a plane Austria wins Eurovision (Pictured) MLB welcomes cheaters and pedophiles into HOF New cast and plotlines announced for longest running Filipino sitcom BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big." Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank PBS and NPR to lose funding Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!) Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers Recent deaths: Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez • Jayson Tatum's Achilles and Boston Celtics' repeat hopes • George Wendt • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer Upcoming deaths: DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen On this day... May 31: "Stop the Devil's Handshakes with a Bowlful of Cornflakes" Day 1584 - Martin Frobisher sails from England to Frobisher Bay, Canada. He is stunned to find somewhere he's never been named after himself. 1830 - The first cigarettes are introduced and are approved by the Surgeon General as a treatment for pink lung disease. 1884 - John Harvey Kellogg, after seeing a field of corn covered in flakes of snow, patents yogurt enemas and pornflakes. (Pictured) 1924 - The Soviet Union signs an agreement with the Chinese government, designating Outer Mongolia as One of the funniest place-names in the world. 1945 - Babe Ruth, in the heat of the game, kills the umpire, and is given a stern warning. 1961 - Scientists release research confirming anchovies are more at home in tomato sauce than water. 1974 - Syria and Israel sign an accord to resolve the hostilities over who gets first dibs on "Kojak" re-runs.
Featured picture Though Zoloft has been very successful in its ad for fighting depression on American television, it's had difficulty adapting its campaign for Japan. Image credit: RadicalX View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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