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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.

Are you the kind of person who is interested in telling other people what to do? Easily swayed by religious texts? Have an itchy trigger finger and a fondness for big red buttons? Do you have a pulse? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you might be the kind of person who'd enjoy being President of the United States! It's true, just about anybody can be President. The guy pictured on the right is no more qualified than your milkman or some random guy on the street, yet he made it to President and is having the time of his life. That could be you! Becoming President will not be easy though, so this handy guide is here to help you every step of the way. (Full article...) Recently featured: HowTo:Become the President of the United States Rachel Zegler Terraforming Tenet (film) Archive · Vote for featured articles · Featured today, a long long time ago Featured one year ago today User:Y, featured on 5 May 2024. Did you know... *... that the square root of 69 is 8 something? ... that Earth is the best planet in the world? ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something? ... that Earth is the best planet in the world? ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something? ... that Earth is the best planet in the world? ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?	In the news Clearly not Deion Sanders vouching for his son Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big." Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank PBS and NPR to lose funding Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide (Pictured) Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!) Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans New Easter Bunny is a fascist Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers Recent deaths: Jay North • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom On this day... May 5: Cinco de Mayonnaise (Mexico) 1862 - Mexico defeats France in a drawn-out game of Risk. 1893 - New York Stock Exchange crashes, has its driving privileges suspended for a year. 1900 - Queen Victoria declares that the fish fork is henceforth the official favored piece cutlery of Great Britain. 1925 - Tennessee biology teacher John Scopes is arrested for teaching electrocution in school; is forced to teach evolution instead. 1927 - The government of South Africa declares those African clicky noises to be an official language. "It's called isiXhosa!" they click. 1989 - The United States takes some obscure Mexican holiday and fills it with cheesy gorditas. Yum! 2014 - Greeks protest austerity, bad weather and the pebble stuck inside their left sock. 2016 - Imprisoned crime lord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán receives an infamous "salted handy." ¡Ayayay!
Featured picture The cover of Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City, in stores soon. Image credit: RadicalX View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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