User:Hindleyite/Little Wigan

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Little Wigan FC
Founded 1978 By George Barlow
Ground The GW Stadium, Asda, Wigan
Manager Uncle Joe
Chairmon Dave Whelan
League FA Premiership

Little Wigan FC is a football team that represents the town of Little Wigan (popn. 354).

The club finally made it into the Football League in 1978 after 138 unsuccessful attempts at being elected. However, this time round, the club chairman offered a free pen and Pooles pie to all members voting on the election and the club scraped through by one vote in place of Southport. The lack of stereotypes attached to the town meant they were running out of ways for supporters to take the piss out of them and as such were no longer suitable for the Football League.

Achievements[edit | edit source]

Critics allege that Little Wigan have never won anything. This is completely untrue: they won the Auto Windscreens shield in 1998 and the Ramsden Trophy in 1999 Extreme Stamp Licking 2002 championships when all the other teams pulled out.

The club is also the current holder of the pie devouring championships held annually in The Butty Box in Hindley, beating off stiff competition from Bolton, Burscough and Ince Rose Bridge. However they would have been no match for the town's rugby league team, who would have entered but had to play a match against Widnes Vikings that night. Some might even say that the Wigan Rugby team have 'private' pie eating competitions in the dressing rooms at half time of each game, but they would just be taking the Mick (Higham).

Support[edit | edit source]

The club's support derives mainly from the town of Little Wigan, spanning all of Springfield and parts of Newtown. Anywhere further than three miles away from the stadium is Rugby territory. When Wigan Rugby and Wigan Football supporters come together there is bound to be trouble and there usually is, for it is a contractual obligation for Little Wigan season ticket holders to punch anybody in a shirt that vaguely resembles the hue of cherry or the smell of Tetley's bitter or mild.

Naturally, the club's support consists of scallies, Old Age Pensioners and anyone under the age of five, seeing as the Little Wigan bandwagon has seemingly yet to run through the middle aged population of the town.

Characteristics[edit | edit source]

The typical Wiganer has many characteristics:

  • They avoid watching Dallas just because they 'feel dirty';
  • They refuse to be a customer of Norweb out of principle;
  • They stand up and chant along at the top of their voice whenever they hear anything remotely resembling You Are My Sunshine;
  • They think that 'oo-oo' song by those Japanese girls is a total ripoff of the South Stand whistle;
  • Can be heard criticising Titus Bramble in their sleep;
  • Hate shopping at JJB, despite the fact it is the club sponsor, simply because it goes to fund the thugby;
  • George Barlow is their hero and role model

See also[edit | edit source]