User:Cat the Colourful/Archieve 1

This is da Archieve. Feel free to puke on it.

Welcome!

Hello, Cat the Colourful, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

• Beginner's Guide
• Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on Uncyclopedia
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Cat the Colourful/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome!  -- -- The Zombiebaron 10:31, October 29, 2010 (UTC)

Catnip

You got the welcome mat but no one else seems to have noticed you until you get a Noob of the Month award. Keep up the good work! --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 22:35, December 2, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you! - Cat the Colourful, cat who are just right now proud!

If you want to get a snazzier signature, ask Lyrithya. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:34, December 3, 2010 (UTC)

Romartus, Romartus, Romartus... what will I ever do with you? Well, besides huggles and... er... nevermind.

Anyway, Cat. Colourful. Userperson. I got mildly annoyed (or perhaps I'm just cranky due to not eating or sleeping; apparently Mountain Dew isn't actually a viable substitute for either of those, after all) and fixed your signature for you. In the future, however, please be sure to close your html tags. It's kind of important in templates, signatures especially, as... well, in this case everything after your signature was rendering beige. 1234 ~ 08:01, 7 December, 2010

I have made some changes and added a couple of pictures to your unfinished story HowTo:Not_die_when_eating_mushrooms. I don't want to add anymore so that you work on this a bit more. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:34, December 8, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! - Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone...

I fixed your signature again. Missed a span. Just one, which is an improvement, but could you please, please, for the love of all things shiny, use the preview button, as well as test it with text below it, in the future? 1234 ~ 19:47, 14 December 2010

Yes, sorry Lyrithia, The Colourful Cat begs for mercy... - Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone...

Oh, don't... just try to get it right in the future, that's all I ask. Don't mind my pleading and general psychosis, seriously; everyone makes mistakes. Also, could you be a dear and use a timestamp? Looks like you're only using three ~ things; use four when you sign? Or are you doing something else entirely? 1234 ~ 06:22, 16 December 2010

Im not really sure, but this is what you wanted? Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 06:25, 16 December, 2010

Yesh, thank you. *beams* 1234 ~ 06:32, 16 December 2010

Damn, I came here to score some catnip, and I don't see the catnip. Must have been all used up by you guys who got here ahead of me. Meow. Aleister 13:44 20 12

Yesh, that happensh rheally offten... That ish vhery shad, you.. bhutterfly. Mheow. *kills aleister* Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 14:36, December 20, 2010

Nip... cat... whooo... 1234 ~ 17:56, 20 December 2010

Ginger Biscuit

Restored to userspace as requested. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:33, December 30, 2010 (UTC)

Thanx! Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 10:34, December 30, 2010

SOAD

What you added back, we call "listcruft," but I don't care that much, as long as the singles don't come back. But I am not mucking with your article because I like SOAD but because it is nominated for deletion. So one would think you'd vote to save it. (PS--The above signature had an excess, unterminated <small> whose effect slopped over to my message.) Spıke ¬ 11:57 30-Dec-10

So i forget it again. Damn. But now i fixed it. Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone...

Congratulations

You have been chosen to be thanked for placing your signature on the dotted line, without asking unnecessary questions, within the confines of the law. Good job! —ASSWIPE WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) 12:53, December 30, 2010[11:53 30 December 2010]

I have learned from wiewing the source of some pages. Handy... Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 12:53, December 30, 2010

Um...

I’m Ukrainian, not Russian. We are have really difference. But not in Christmas (we all have Christmas January 7). Thank you so much for congratulation, and I'm sorry, I have terrible English. -- Vox 16:20, December 31, 2010 (UTC)

Dammit! Well, thats okay, i have terrbile english, too, im finnish. Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone...

There was a Finn on IRC Chat the other day, sleeptyper, we compared our snowstorms. Spıke ¬ 15:30 2-Jan-11

I laugh in the general direction of your snowstorms. 1234 ~ 16:20, 2 January 2011

Mein? Sorry, but i dont use IRC-gallery. I dont use Facebook, i dont use twitter, i dont use myspace, i dont use massenger... You cannot actually find me anywhere, im just here... (Damn i deserved my n00b-award) Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 08:01, January 3, 201

Massenger? I don't use it either. Also, what's IRC? --M&M (christmas mood) 15:32, January 4, 2011 (UTC)

Oops, sorry, messenger. Also if you do not know what is IRC-gallery, put it into google. Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 07:45, January 7, 2011

I thought you needed a dance...

From one of your own kind!

Meow! Meow... --Dancing dude 21:19, January 8, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks!

Ya know, people used to spam these messages all over the place. How times can change. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:49, 17 January 2011

Yes, times had changed... And i think that times will change many times.. Or something. Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 12:02, January 18, 2011

... the times will change other times? --~   18:59, January 18, 2011 (UTC)

NEWB!

Congrats from a former Noob of the Month in, hmm, I think about 1909. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:12, January 19, 2011 (UTC)

What about me? --~   13:28, January 19, 2011 (UTC)

1909? Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 06:07, January 20, 201

You guys are such noobs... *shakes head bemusedly* 1234 ~ 06:10, 20 January 2011

Yay! --~   14:10, January 20, 2011 (UTC)

System of a Down

Sorry, I reverted your recent change. A second example doesn't make it funnier, as it is less outrageous than the first, and the hidden meaning here is less outrageous than the unhidden one.

Also, it's quiero, not quero--querer is a stem-changer. Nos vemos Spıke ¬ 12:03 31-Jan-11

Nah, you dont need to apologise, I did not just think of that, and some people has reverted before... *look`s Sycamore suspicious*

And I`m not so good in Spanish, so it does`nt matter... Much... Cat the Colourful 06:53, February 1, 2011

Hi there,

Cat the Colourful, just popping to let you know that it's your time to shine as the articles are all locked up and ready for judging. Your are alt-namespace category and you put your results here. Good luck:)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:04, February 1, 2011 (UTC)

Thanx! So... Who`s ready foooor JUDGING!!! Cat the Colourful 13:o7, February 1, 2011

Law & Order: Puritan New England

I nominated it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:45, February 14, 2011 (UTC)

Wonderful! You won PLS! Gongratulations! Great job that it really won PLS, `cause it was simply best! Cat the Colourful 06:01, February 15, 2011

Just want you to get it straight

I created Fuck ChiefjusticeDS in October 2010. The original article is here. It was nominated for featured, but then it was huffed by Mordillo. It was then hacked up, abd Lyrithya finished it off and made it better. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 16:33, February 21, 2011 (UTC)

HAPPY MONKEY COMPETITION MARCH 2nd

¡¡¡ OLÉ !!!  :)

--Shabidoo 10:41, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry, i`m too busy at Wednesday. I`m not in. Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 10:55, February 26, 2011

Super happy monkey competition topic

Hey your topic will be ready here at about five minutes before the start of the competition (5pm EST or 2200 UTC). HAVE FUN AND GOOD LUCK :) PISSING ALL OVER YOUR FACE --ShabiDOO 21:47, March 2, 2011 (UTC)

Would you rather keep...

Being a pimp is a big responsibility or Being a pimp is a great responsibility? Let me know which and I'll huff the other - unless, that is, you have some logical reason for keeping both. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:14, March 3, 2011 (UTC)

Lyrithya pointed me in the direction of your request on Zombiebaron's page. The deed is done. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:28, March 3, 2011 (UTC)

Thanx! Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 10:58, March 4, 2011

Olay happy monkey

Thank you for your participation in the Happy Monkey Competition. Because of your writing there are now 15 more amazing articles on Uncyclopedia. PS if you want your pee review to be expanded into a formal 50point review, please let me know on my talk page and Ill get to work on it right away! OLÉ!!! --ShabiDOO 01:25, March 15, 2011 (UTC)

Move it!

I don't like what you did with UnBooks:There's a black hole in my coffee. You missed the point of it and it wasn't funny. Please move the title back and ask my permission before making drastic-ass changes like that. Thank you.--Egalitarian Aspie 19:59, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

This is your UnSignpost speaking

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

March 31st, 2011 • Issue 114 • Journalism sighted ahead!

Farewell By Chief Everything that has a beginning has an end, with the possible exception of the autobiography of Wayne Rooney; our literary correspondent was unable to complete it after an unfortunate fire rendered the text unreadable. The sun is now setting on the time of the temporary admins. For the last month, they have all been mucking in with the rest of the administrators and eating other people's biscuits at the weekly cabal meetings and now it is time for them to go. On Friday the bureaucrats will arrive and the mythical user rights log will appear on recent changes for the gratification of the eagle-eyed Uncyclopedian. So how did they do? Sources close to the temporary admins have chosen to move further away because of the smell, so we haven't been able to ask them anything. The occupational hazard of needing to know things has never stopped the relentless march of journalism before, however, and today shall be no exception. Hyperbole, the eternally wronged victim of Uncyclopedia, has been deleting and banning consistently over the last month and has generally been annoyingly useful. Reportedly he has been "asking questions" when he doesn't know something; clearly he is not sysop material. Lyrithya has been the most visible temporary admin, and her screams at the last Cabal meeting as she was punished for deleting VFD were described as "Most invigorating" by Mhaille, who, due to the nature of that quote, has expressed a wish to remain anonymous. Curiously, despite her undiscriminating use of the delete button, Lyrithya seems inordinately keen not to ban users for long periods of time, citing "Feeling sorry for them" as her reason. Clearly she is not sysop material. ChiefjusticeDS is a very delusional man. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has been a useful admin and, intelligently, has not drawn attention to himself; an ideal candidate for the mantle of sysop. He is, however, from Belgium; make of that what you will. PuppyOnTheRadio doesn't know what a sysop is, but thinks that it would be a splendid way to spend an afternoon, so he has. He has been the least active of the temporary admins and thus is the most obvious candidate for induction to the order. He is Australian, by the way, from Australia. Ask him about his pet Kangaroo, he must have one, he is an Australian from Australia. Olipro was good enough to give his thoughts to the UnSignpost, saying, "And thus, our great experiment in finding out what happens if you rig yourself to a bomb and give the detonator to a pack of monkeys is over." See you next week, hopefully April Fools Day will happen before then and it will be brilliant, because if there is one thing Uncyclopedia is not short of, it is fools.... and days for them to be fools on. Competition Season By Chief There is something in the air at Uncyclopedia - it's the smell of competition... and cheese. This is the news that over the next month there will be several competitions to encourage creativity and general brilliance from the community. The first of these is the second round of the hourly writing competition, the first round of which ran a couple of weeks ago. Entrants have an hour to write an article and then a further hour is given over to voting to delete or keep those articles. The last round ran very well, with the majority of the articles entered being kept as a result. If you want to take part in the second round then you only need to sign up here... and then turn up on Saturday. The other competition is Zombiebaron's Imagery Extravaganza, a brand new competition surprisingly being run by Zombiebaron. It is very similar to the PLS and will hopefully encourage the creation of plenty of high quality images, which we can then delete and forget about. So if you aren't planning on creating a single new article/image in the next few weeks and throwing it onto the great bonfire of creativity which, as we all know, is burning at the core of Uncyclopedia, then you should definitely think about it. Probably. Unless you don't want to, which is cool, I guess.

Check out these pages! Fools! For shame Dr. Skullthumper needs a hobby How do I chop Potatoes? tl;dr From our logs: 17:01, March 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.62.38.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (AHA! I LOVE BANS *click* ooooh yeah, that's the good stuff right there) 13:47, March 25, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Nickyg94 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 05:15, March 25, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.190.107.19 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If you love the Powerpuff Girls so much, why don't you marry them?) 05:24, March 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.87.254.115 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If I was a real admin, I'd have some sort of witty block reason to back this up. So sorry.) 00:49, March 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Springeragh nailed K. Lastochka's hands to the table and her feet to the ground, then Sceptre stripped her of her clothes and proceeded to rape her violently. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'm kind of impressed you came back. See you next year!) 00:06, March 24, 2011 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (The cabal wishes it: Wikicide. I shall rise again on the third day. Suck it, Jesus!) Biopic of the Week Oliphaunte's arrival on Uncyclopedia has made several people very happy: Black flamingo11, because he can finally have the child he always wanted without any of that horrible fumbling about. ChiefjusticeDS is happy because he has someone to biopic this week, and everyone at PEEING is thrilled because there is finally some competition for the Reviewer of the Month trophy. However Oliphaunte has shunned the offering of awards and has focused solely on trying to help through his reviews, and amuse through his writings; truly a splendid fellow. The non-existent Cabal, however, has expressed some non-existent concern at his disregard for the shiny baubles dangled before him; refusing awards on Uncyclopedia is like refusing a bagel in Israel. Highly suspicious behaviour. One for all Mossad agents users to shoot on sight say hello to if they see him. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Kissed a Girl (And I Threw Up) Just so you know Naruto is still made of fail. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #1,234,546 Olipro.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:12, 31 March 2011

Lollipop Delivery

-- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 20:15, April 2, 2011 (UTC)

Oh. You did it! You did my rainbow lollipop! YAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I`m happy. thanx. Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 04:50, April 4, 2011

No problem. All in a day's work. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 21:20, April 4, 2011 (UTC)

FF7

Why are you tagging that with {{construction}}? It's on QVFD and that IP will almost certainly never come back to work on it. You're just letting it stay here for 7 days. (talk) 05:13, April 4, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, sorry. I had no idea it could be there. I have never even heard of something like QVFD, but now I know. Thanx, and sorry. Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 05:16, April 4, 2011

No problem. Stuff like that (a couple of poorly written sentences) is usually just waiting for an admin to come by and kill it. (talk) 05:18, April 4, 2011 (UTC)

Terribly creative UnSignpost header

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

April 7th, 2011 • Issue 115 • What news of the Uncyclopedia Holmes?

April Fool By Chief As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion. Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.* The impact of the skin on Uncyclopedia was sudden and varied massively. Some people got angry, some turned off javascript to escape the pain and some laughed at the people doing the above. The UnSignpost was able to visit Olipro, the mastermind behind the reskin, and find out what he thought its impact had been. "It was a raging success," he enthused from behind the safety glass, "and by "raging" I mean people were going fucking mental." After the interview, we departed Dexter111344's Home for People Who Be Trolling, leaving Olipro sniggering at YouTube videos and receiving occasional electric shocks. We are told this is an essential part of his treatment. The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general. The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day. *We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how. I hate you and your competition By Chief As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with classics articles like Fuck Lyrithya (recently deleted) and Fuck Under user making increasingly prominent appearances literally everywhere. We were fortunate to sit down with Mordillo several months ago when he commented on this worrying trend, and he said, "This is a very worrying trend," among other things. We assume his feelings haven't changed, at least we hope not... One thing is certain, and that is that originality is at its lowest levels since records began, shortly after the creation of Euroipods way back in 2005. Beyond that, the only thing we can be certain of is that you should be very very worried. Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster.

Check out these pages! An idea Oh no, not this again Uncyclopedia running low on things to argue about For-skin From our logs: 20:31, April 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.176.139.239 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble minded, and scientifically proven to be indicative of underdeveloped genitalia.) 14:17, April 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.227.227.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (LOLWANKER) 08:02, April 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked ZachaaayVomitsRainbows (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (WINNING!!!!) 08:13, April 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 180.95.18.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'm sorry I can't hear you over your crippling stupidity 10:09, April 4, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked YOUSUCKinator9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (did I mention about your mother? no?) n12:27, April 5, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.255.240.25 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(each time you come back, you just prove yourself to be a bigger numpty. I wait with bated breath to see how much of a numpty you'll be in 3 months...) Biopic of the Week Our biopic this week focusses on someone who has recently proved that you can go away, raise a barn/have a family/learn to fly/scuba dive in space, and still not lose your Uncyclopedian mojo. JackOfSpades is this persona, and after spending some time away doing something from the above list, has burst back onto Uncyclopedia and has gotten straight down to it. He's a splendid fellow, and should you sample his Pee, you will not be disappointed. I know I wasn't. Finally, some of you have been complaining that the weekly biopic consists of nothing but cheap innuendo and swearing, all we can say is oh no it isn't, you shitting wanker. Anyway, JackOfSpades, he rocks, you suck (probably); live with it. Word of the week, provided by: Anonymous Zombie Definition: (Noun) A person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings. "Get off Uncyclopedia, Trevor, it's turning you into a Zombie." OR (less commonly) (Synonym) Administrator: "Get off Uncyclopedia. Trevor, it's turning you into an Administrator." Newsroom UnTune of the week ZOMBIES!

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:22, 7 April 2011

Help W/ Sig

Hey Cat, i was looking at your sig and tried to customize the time/date and all i see is {{{1}}} {{{2}}} {{{3}}} {{{4}}}.

So i was wondering if you would tell me what i did wrong with the code? Thanks...User:Whyamidoingthis/sig2

You need a separate file to feed the date parameters into it. See User_talk:Lyrithya#Sig_Question for the full and confusimacated explanation I tried to give before giving up. 1234 ~ 18:43, 8 April 2011

Oh hell, don`t ask me. I`m now few months old, but I am still one of the n00best. So keep asking from Lyrithya, but if you have still any questions about cats, I would like to answer. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:09, 11 April, 2011 (UTC)

How many male calicoes have you known? 1234 ~ 05:26, 11 April 2011

Err... what the fuck is calicoe? Is it a color or something? Or cat? ??? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:01, 12 April, 2011 (UTC)

Calico... kind of cat, the multicoloured ones, like that one in the picture... like you. Unless I mixed up the word. Is this the point at which we suffer both translation and memory problems? 1234 ~ 05:24, 12 April 2011

I`m not so sure... Do we have, perhaps, even a same medication? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:26, 12 April, 2011 (UTC)

Crap, er... we might. What are you taking? Does it involve... tuna? 1234 ~ 05:31, 12 April 2011

Wait, I look from the backside... Umm... there says it includes tuna... tuna... tuna... tuna... tuna... bit of antibiots... marinated tuna... tuna with cheese... salmon... what a surprise... rice... rice?... and tuna. Well then, yours? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:36, 12 April, 2011 (UTC)

I know for a fact Lyrithya is on pure jet fuel. Because I'm a doctor. For pretend. (talk) 05:38, 12 April 2011

Jet Fuel... Wait, I have that too! Yay! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:39, 12 April, 2011 (UTC)

And tuna! 1234 ~ 01:27, 14 April 2011

Pee

I just peed on something you wrote. I apologize profusely for that. I'll attempt to control my bladder in the future. No promises though

Just reviewed this. Keep working on it (talk) 04:12, 9 April 2011

The UnSignpost: On-time and on top of things... as always.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

April 14th, 2011 • Issue 116 • These are not the enraged monkeys you're looking for.

Sysops, sysops, and more sysops By Athyria It has been over a year since the last VFS, over a year since the last batch of sysops were elected in the tyrannical drama-fest that lies at the heart of the Uncyclopedia powerbase, and now, amidst rampant vote-whoring and election campaigns running wild across the wiki, the voting is once more in full swing. In proper UnSignpost fashion, however, and as part of our continued attempts to avoid overusing self-referential humour and to instead report on something that people may not have already noticed, we have sent reporters into the heart of the storm to investigate these most momentous ongoings. In all of the two minutes it took to skim the scores, it was revealed that people so far seem to really favour Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who already have scores of over twenty each, although they both clearly suck. Voting, however, has only been going on for all of a day, following a nomination period that likewise went on for all of a day and yet still somehow managed to result in the entire active userbase being nominated, as well as part of the inactive userbase, a couple of people only active on the IRC channel who in fact didn't even have accounts on the wiki itself until they made some for the occasion, two users who are already admins and one of whom is also a bureaucrat, and a bot... of an admin. This told us two things: Uncyclopedia standards are evidently still at an all-time low, and that our reporters needed to get out of there as soon as possible and adjourn for lunch, and not just because it was meatballs. Of all of the candidates, however, the UnSignpost strongly backs Fnoodle, and encourages its readership to drop their previous considerations/votes and instead support this astoundingly trustworthy, reliable, useful, and friendly user, about whom there is nothing suspicious at all, to become the next new sysop. Awards and contests everyone forgot about By Someone else As with all months, the usual awards have all already been forgotten about in lieu of more interesting things. So far, they look terribly riveting, with Matt lobster the only real contender for both Uncyclopedian of the Month and Writer of the Month, as well as Lockdandload taking the lead in the Noob of the Month voting, although he's probably just Matt lobster in disguise, now that we think about it. As such, we attempted to sit down with this intriguing user for an interview, but as he never showed up (possibly because we neglected to tell him), he didn't have terribly much to say about the matter. Meantime, all the other awards, including ANotM, PWotM, FP, EGA, PotM, AotM, UGotM, and NOM NOM NOMotm, are all looking kind of neglected. RotM isn't, however. Go support that one guy along with everyone else, if you can be bothered. Zombiebaron's Imagery Extra Va Gan Za is almost over; if you haven't submitted any beautiful paintings... er, that is, passable images yet, you only have a day, so hurry. Less than a day, really. But it can't be that hard, though, can it?

Check out these pages! UnNews sucks. Wikia sucks. ED sucks. Bots suck. Admins suck. Games suck. From our logs: Olipro blocked 117.211.91.202 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (protip: replacing a paragraph with "fuck" isn't a good idea) Jack Phoenix blocked Rangersseals with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (You have been nuked. With ♥, every single American out there) Zombiebaron blocked Black Person with an expiry time of 5 weeks ‎ (I'm not banning you because you're black, but because you felt the need to replace a page in order to convey that message to the world.) Olipro blocked 194.81.160.18 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (fucks like you who think fish and chips is "proper food" need to be shot) Dr. Skullthumper blocked Optimuschris with an expiry time of a shitty browser ‎ (Every time you use IE, a web developer dies) Dr. Skullthumper blocked Frosty with an expiry time of a real browser ‎ (Using IE) Biopic of the Week If there is one thing the UnSignpost cannot function without, one thing that is important to each and every edition that goes out to the readers, one element that enables the UnSignpost to be the UnSignpost, it is not the people, not the writers, the editors, the proofreaders, the formatters, the photographers, the deliverers, or even the readers. It is not the hypertext of which it is formed, either, or the other people's talkpages to which it is delivered and then read by shifty lurkers, or the mediawiki in which it is created. It is the filler material of which it is comprised. The UnSignpost would be nothing without filler material. And if you intend to point out that we already biopicked this or some such, don't bother. The Complaints Department is currently on vacation, hence why this opportunity was taken to not even check first before writing up this week's biopic. Reason #243 why squirrels are the best things ever: IDDQD works against them. Random page: Ian Botham Is it any good? You tell us! Send in your reviews today, and save us the effort of writing something ourselves!

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:13, 14 April 2011

There is a chance, but Zombiebaron and SOAUU can see what they did.

You can call me "muthafucka". I don't mind. And if there is a chance, I would be getting Zombiebaron to inspect. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 12:40, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

There is a chance, but Zombiebaron and SOAUU can see what they did.

You can call me "muthafucka". I don't mind. And if there is a chance, I would be getting Zombiebaron to inspect. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 12:40, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

That UnSignposty thing

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

April 21st, 2011 • Issue 117 • Please don't immerse this periodical in water.

VFS update By Chief As is customary when a VFS is running, the UnSignpost has chosen to shun the various non-events that have punctuated the week and is instead filling the space by updating you with information that is freely available to absolutely everyone elsewhere. Remember: we click links and read words so you don't have to. At the time of going to press, VFS has not yet lurched into its 4th and final phase, so we have called in experts to predict which horses users will make it into the final furlong of this, the ultimate race to lifelong servitude and misery. Earlier this week, our correspondent sat down with RabbiTechno and a gentleman named Fred, who assures us he is not in fact Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (these are our experts, in case you weren't sure). In lieu of doing any real work, we have reproduced the interview here: RT: Good day Fred: Where am I?? Get this sack off my head! USP: Fred, don't struggle; struggling just makes the poison spread faster. Now Rabbi, who do you think will make it through to the final round of VFS? Fred: Socky for admin! Argh the pain! RT: Well I must say all the chaps and fellows competing are absolutely splendid. I have watched with baited breath as they have competed in the spirit of manly competition, the girding of the loins and the splendid grunts to show us all they are trying. Despite that, two prime specimens appear to be distancing themselves from the pack. This Sockpuppet fellow certainly plays with a straight bat and it wouldn't surprise me if he hits it for 6. Fred: Woo! USP:Rabbi, do you mean you think he will make it into the next round? RT: Oh yes, that said, the burly fellow following him, this Lyrithya lad, certainly seems to have the spunk to go all the way. USP: Lyrithya is supposedly a female, Rabbi. RT: Nonsense! How could a woman carry out all the manly tasks necessary? She'll be pruning her eye brows and trimming her nose hairs the whole time. Fred: Nonsense, I think she will be a splendid- What?? RT: Women have to prune and trim or they wilt and die! You've seen sheep eating grass, women are like that except they use these little tubes of pink stuff. Sheep are also noticeably less woolly. Now answer me this! Where will she hang her breasts at night if we appoint her?? USP: Quite true. Fred: Is everyone here mad? Have either of you ever met a woman?? USP: No, I've seen them on the internet though! RT: My mother was a woman... we were introduced when I was 7. Does that count? USP: Fred, what about the other nominees, do any of them deserve it more than the two leaders? Fred: None of them are sandwiches and that is what this site and society in general sorely need. USP: Rabbi? RT: All splendid masculine fellows, except perhaps Magic man, regrettably they lack the range of this Sockpuppet fellow and this... woman. My conclusion must be that only Sockpuppet and Lyrithya will proceed to the next round. Fred: Sandwiches. USP: Thank you both of you, you can go home now. We'll unlock the shackles in a moment. So there you have it; our editor seems happy that there is a meaningful conclusion in there somewhere, though good luck finding it. Be sure to look for updates to VFS here and nowhere else next week. Editors note: While you are all aware that this is hilarious, we must stress that the opinions above are either based very loosely on what those users have said or have been completely made up in the name of hilarity. It's true. Socky's name isn't Fred at all.

Check out these pages! Disaster! Despair! Doubt! A forum from 2006! From our logs: 17:09, April 18, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.90.95.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (uh huh, you sure "hacked" that page alright) 14:57, April 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ed Refugee 2: Electric Boogaloo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sockpuppet/having a username that offends my Christian sensibilities) 09:00, April 15, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 149.144.196.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (faggot faggot faggot faggot FAGGOT. SAYING IT MORE MAKES ME MUCH COOLER THAN ALL MY OTHER FAGGOT FRIENDS.) 19:25, April 13, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.63.250.3 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (you're so vain you probably think this ban is about you. oh wait, it is!) 14:56, April 15, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.176.14.40 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Nothing here, either - merely a space where there was once an idiot) 04:35, April 14, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.8.106.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Take that, the Netherlands!) Biopic of the Week It seemed incredible that we hadn't delved into the psyche of Frosty before, and now that we have, we must face the gaping black hole of choices for biopics again next week (honestly, we did a biopic on a chair a few weeks ago, it's that bad). Anyway, Frosty, well I've spoken to him and looked at his userpage, and wishing no offence to him, he's a bit nuts. He's so mad about maintenance he has a little book where he records each vandal added to Ban Patrol along with details of the offence and other priceless information. If he's not doing that he is on his talk page being generally tenacious and refusing to be put off by the voices of doom that surround him; he just won't quit! He's everywhere I go; I went to vote on VFD the other day and he was there, arguing that an article needn't be deleted: sacrilege! I went to VFH to do some voting and there he was, voting and otherwise irritating me with his tenacity. So if you have a free moment why not drop by his talk page and tell him he's doing everything wrong, you'll fit right in with everyone else! Alternatively, bring a video camera and your book of articles you've added to QVFD and, in my judgement, the two of you will only incriminate yourselves. Aperture Science Handheld Featured Article Device Portal is a single-player Source-engine first-person science-fiction puzzle-action meme-causing smart-alec scalp-tearing video game by Aperture Science, dba (doing business as) Valve Software. An innovative, not overly long, well-written, critically acclaimed, award-winning game that pushed the boundaries of how gamers perceived a game's environment and physics, it is mostly known for cake, the Companion Cube, and that song at the end. A sequel, Portal 2, was announced and demonstrated at E3, and has already received critical acclaim and awards before its release. Thing we should probably mention Stuff is happening with Encyclopaedia Dramatica. Uncyclopedia is still the worst.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:17, 21 April 2011

About competition

No, during the contest, participants cannot write in their userspace. Only after the competition can you move your written articles to your userspace. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 05:47, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Aah, thanks for information. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 10:53, 28 April, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost: April 28th, 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

April 28th, 2011 • Issue 118 • A brilliant reasonable periodical.

General News Round-up By Chief It has been another uneventful week at Uncyclopedia, which, contrary to popular belief, is good for the UnSignpost. Uneventful weeks mean we can report in the vaguest terms possible the various goings on on the wiki, a task made infinitely easier through the existence of the Uncyclopedia at a glance page. For instance, did you know that here at Uncyclopedia we have featured 1,731 articles, which is approximately 7%! We don't know what it's 7% of; we aren't scientists. Uncyclopedia at a glance is a splendid resource, which the UnSignpost would recommend to anyone with a spare afternoon and no other plans for their internet usage. Elsewhere on the wiki, VFS has clunked into its final stage, with Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user both reaching the final round. Normally, at this point, the existing administrators vote on a candidate until the 30th of the month, whereupon a messenger is dispatched to the lair of the bureaucrats informing them whom should be afforded the gift of divinity. This Cabal memo clearly never reached Under user, who has started a vote calling for both candidates to receive adminship. "It's a disgrace, if we give them both admin rights who loses? That's the only reason I vote on these things," said unnamed cabal member ChiefjusticeDS, whose voice has been disguised in order that he remain anonymous. Meanwhile, over on the forums, Magic man proposed a meeting of the Uncyclopedians in some kind of convention, probably to be held 2 minutes walk from where he lives, slap bang in the middle of not-where-you-live-'s ville. Modusoperandi agreed with Magic man, saying "None of us are in jail," while Dexter111344 called it a "Horrific idea," which is certainly how this newspaper would react to any idea that involved meeting Dexter111344 in person without the presence of several Police officers. Finally, Dr. Skullthumper has embarked on another quest of utter pointlessness, deploying his bot and himself to "convert HTML" all over the wiki. Pity him. He knows not what he does. Uncyclopedia in the news again By Chief In an age of information overload and astonishingly inaccurate Internet posts, it's reassuring that at least one website strives to be inaccurate at all times. That website is Sign on San Diego, a parody of a news website which bills itself as having all sorts of "Hot Topics" for the people of San Diego and anyone else who might be interested. Recent Sign on San Diego headlines include: "San Diego's air pollution among worst in nation", "Man robs downtown restaurant" and "Reward offered in transient assault case". This leads us to the article that they mentioned, which was about the "fast-rising" Biffy Clyro, the article is in dire need of rewriting but we know better than most not to let quality stand in the way of meeting journalistic deadlines. The crux of the matter is that Biffy Clyro are playing a show in San Diego, which you should attend, provided you aren't dying of air pollution, being robbed in restaurants or assaulted. The article also mentioned <insert name here>'s sterling and exemplary contributions to Uncyclopedia since they joined. The truth is, alas, somewhat less colourful. We lied. They didn't. Naruto By Nobody It is still garbage that babies read.

Check out these pages! Cool! Not cool! Lolwut? Teh lulz! From our logs: 17:29, April 23, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus-semen-swallowing-christ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Great username. Rubbish understanding of the rules.) 21:03, April 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Javi.p (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That wasn't very nice, I'm not very nice, I don't like ice cream, Ice cream gives me a headache, banning gets rid of headaches, you get a ban. That's joined up thinking right there) 02:08, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Kevillips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (YOU DIDN'T SIGN YOUR WELCOME TEMPLATE, YOU MONSTER) 04:01, April 21, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.135.37.38 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (blah blah blah something about blowing me) 04:35, April 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Carking1996 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Created an account just to spam "tits", eh? Nice work, moron.) Biopic of the Week This week, the biopic is given over to the most important aspect of Uncyclopedia. The voting. Voting underpins our community in much the same way as McDonalds underpins capitalism and a lack of McDonalds underpins Jihad. Without it, we don't get articles featured or deleted. Without it, you would/wouldn't have gotten your awards, you would/wouldn't have been made an administrator. We need voting and it needs us. So for all of you who are leaving it to other people, why not try it now? You can stop when you're dead. Serious zone Votes on awards like Noob of the month and Uncyclopedian of the month are really important for making people want to keep coming back here; try to do some voting at the very least. Serious zone ends Knickers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Oscar's Rap (I'm a Wilde guy) Public service announcement You people should all be ashamed of yourselves. End of message.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 06:15, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Signpost Un

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

May 5th, 2011 • Issue 119 • I sense a great disturbance in the force.

VFS ends. Apathy grips wiki. By Chief Those of you who were busy having sex with ladies/men/melons on Saturday evening will have stumbled onto the wiki and discovered that there are in fact two new administrators stumbling around the wiki. Since none of you can find things out for yourself, you have sat, baffled, waiting for the UnSignpost to arrive like a beacon: VFS has drawn to a conclusion and the unlucky losers are Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. Following the announcement and the ritual slaying of a goat that Zombiebaron always insists upon before any new administrators may make use of their powers, the two victors went straight back to what they had been doing before - looking at depraved images on the internet, categorising, looking at fetish porn and indeed categorising fetish porn. Scandal immediately ensued; administrators do not categorise. This not being enough, however, the UnSignpost has taken to the streets of Uncyclopedia to find out what the community thinks about the new additions to the Cabal. The first place our journalists visited was the Ministry of Love, which stands at the centre of Uncyclopedia's financial district, or it would if Uncyclopedia had a financial district. We were thrilled to speak to the duty Cabal representative Zombiebaron, who, when pressed about the empirical significance of the VFS result, slammed his hand down on the table and exclaimed "Zombiebaron". It would seem that a great deal of things are in fact Zombiebaron: the likelihood of the new administrators being embroiled in scandal and VFS voting in general, to name but a few. We also got the opportunity to sit down with Mhaille after he fell out of a vent as we were leaving and find out what he thought of Lyrithya and Socky being administrators. "In theory its a nice idea, but I wouldn't like to see it in practice" he replied "There are far more deserving people who have only recently discovered the site and hold overinflated opinions of themselves who would be better suited". Before we could explain that the VFS has actually taken place, Mhaille collapsed from dehydration and, not wishing to make a fuss, we left him in the lobby. It turns out nobody is particularly bowled over by the result of the VFS; the result having been obvious for about 2 weeks now, this lead to the announcement being met with grunts and sighs about "The state of things". We decided to see what Socky and Lyrithya had to say about their new powers. "It feels invigorating. Though somehow, I hardly feel a difference," mused Socky. "It's like being castrated" he added... with his eyes. Lyrithya, meanwhile, was not available to comment, which shows that she is taking her new role seriously, namely by leaving shortly after being appointed in the style of the greats of 2006. Mordillo is Dead! By a reputable journalist Uncyclopedia's most hated loved Bureaucrat and Administrator has been shot dead by US Special Forces in Northern Pakistan. Mordillo, who had been hunted by Uncyclopedia since disappearing into hiding in early March, died in the early hours of Monday morning (local time) after a group of 25 US Navy SEALS breached his lavish compound in Abbottabad. The Cabal has yet to acknowledge the death of one of their most senior members of staff; this is simply because they are all far too busy crying. Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that Mordillo was extracted from the safehouse in the early hours of Sunday morning and replaced with Osama Bin Laden. These lunatics cite the bearded aspect of the victim and his radical Islamic tendencies, which we cannot now see, as so-called "evidence". Rumours that Mordillo has fled to western Europe are unconfirmed drivel and you are discouraged from looking for him without a submarine, since his body was buried at sea in order to save you footing the bill for having any photographs developed. Uncyclopedians around the world have been warned to brace themselves for possible retaliation from Mordillo's cohorts and reminded to live in abject fear of authority at all times. For now you can sleep peacefully in your beds at night because Mordillo is certainly dead, oh yes, can't get much more dead than the dead he is now...

Check out these pages! Modus' Pants Pain MadMax Pants Pain Solution Pain in your pants? A Pain in the Neck From our logs. New Admin Special: 07:18, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I've had it with this place.) 06:50, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Obvious vandal.) 08:54, May 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a large Yak (Your support of my grand plan to destroy the wiki shall not go unappreciated. Thank you.) 21:57, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Osama bin Laden (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're dead, lol.) 21:33, May 2, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love?) 20:21, April 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) resurrected Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) ‎ (hasn't annoyed anyone in the last 5 minutes) 21:49, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I am Jesus!) Biopic of the Week As is the tradition when new administrators grace the wiki with their presence, the biopic is devoted to making the crusty, less flexible older admins feel better about not being able to touch their toes. While the administrators have absolute dominion over your continued interaction with this, the most splendid of websites, they are just like you. As Famine explained in his essay, the administrators have a difficult job to do and there are no bitch benefits; honestly you ask any administrator how many bitches they have picked up with their "I'm an administrator on Uncyclopedia" line, the answer? None. How then, I hear you cry, could anyone do the job? Well it's very simple, they don't; all administrators inevitably snap like dry reeds eventually. Some of them leave, some of them die and still others go and get a life. Don't be too hard on the rest of them and certainly don't try to be like them, why not try to be like Chuck Norris instead? Think of the bitch benefits! Did You Know? Sometimes we have to resort to incredibly stupid custom boxes in order to make the two columns be of similar lengths? It isn't essential but symmetry should never be left to rot at the side of the road no matter how many times you have to beat it into shape with a spade. This isn't one of those times by the way. Just thought you'd like to know. Newsroom UnTune of the week Artsy and Misunderstood: A Bedroom Emo Song

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:18, 5 May 2011

Hello

I don't know who you are, you're new since last I departed. However, I saw your welcome template on a noob's page I was telling off, and decided I like you. Something about that reference to African Finns. As a result of Finland being on its way to being the #1 holiday resort for Somali Pirates and their clans, I decided to move out of the way, before things get dirty. -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 13:20, 5 May

Thanks Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 13:27, 5 May, 2011 (UTC)

The Signpost is delivered to all God-fearing citizens

The Conservapedia Signpost

Word to your mother.

May 12th, 2011 • Issue 120 • Now with no liberal bias!

Uncyclopedia By a concerned citizen After coercing my children/wife into silence and praising the lord Jesus Christ for my newspaper, my toothpaste, the constitution and this great nation, I decided that some time on the internet would bring the morning to an appropriately spiritual conclusion. "Praise the Lord," I murmured as the computer hummed into life; all seemed right in the world as the Lord unendingly smote the unrighteous in my desktop background. Conservapedia recognises that liberalism is spreading and nowhere is this more obvious than Uncyclopedia, which mocks the Lord by using one of his divine creations (a potato) for a logo and being entirely dedicated to spreading lies and half-truths, something we know nothing about at Conservapedia. The site is a temple of blasphemy, gayness and, inevitably, liberalism. As I was being disgusted by the liberalism of the font on the main page and the colour of the links, I was astounded to come across a man asking other men to risk their virtue in a game of strip poker with him. All young men should take heed and embrace God, not Olipro. Poker is also for girls. The so-called forums (a liberal Greek invention) harbor further discussion of user rights; the liberals are erecting their false idols and they venerate these idols and bestrew them with titles. The discussion of the week was over who was the most liberal of the most liberal liberals and which of them should be raised above the others for further worship. Words fail; I had lied to myself (a sin for which I shall be punished) that liberalism was a passing fad, but these people are obsessed with the restriction of their spiritual and physical abilities through their hollow attempts at humor. This Zombiebaron will get his reward in Hell. His very username mocks the Almighty and he shall be punished for his attempted levity. This community is a threat to children, happiness and America. Don't burn with them. MadMax By a slightly less concerned citizen This community of half-wits, liberals, crazies and liberals will burn in Hell, but until that glorious moment of candescence, it is as well that they amuse themselves and only incriminate themselves further in the eyes of the Lord (I do not want to meet any reformed crazies in Heaven). One of Uncyclopedia's faux Gods, MadMax, has conceived a competition to amuse the masses and likely stir homosexual feelings within them. Notice we used the word conceive because it is the only thing MadMax, who is an ABORTIONIST, probably, will ever conceive. Here is how this competition will work: users will spawn articles of varying levels of depravity and sin, which will then be judged by a group of judges, unelected no less, who will select the article containing the most depraved acts and leather harnesses in which unmentionable acts will be perpetrated to be the victor. The person with the worst article is eliminated, sadly only from the competition, and the winners go on to face each other in some kind of orgy to see who will be the winner. This festival of depravity has been going on since last Sunday and this correspondent has no doubt that the only reason it is not finished yet is because liberals are famously lazy, a well known symptom of atheism and pro-choice views. We did not sit down with MadMax to discuss this competition; it was bad enough reading about it. MadMax has indicated his intention to hold the competition again on a larger scale if the trial goes well. We wish him the best of luck and an eternity in the very deepest pit of Hell.

Don't check out these sinful pages! Satanic Images Satanic Messages Fornication They are a gift from God From their Satanic logs: 04:02, May 11, 2011 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.126.198.194 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No, YOU'RE super duper gay) 09:40, May 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Xxseanpikexx (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dear Mr Pike: Please get a life. Sincerely, everyone who has ever known you) 22:56, May 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Towcar (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Cyberbullying: Be nice, will you? Everything goes so much smoother when everyone dones their fake smiles and wears arbitrary masks...) 22:23, May 7, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked GoUncyclopedia! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahahahaahahah AND YOU STILL CANT SIGN POSTS) 19:05, May 6, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (dep. re. cat. ed. tags.) Takeover of the Week As you may have noticed this week, the UnSignpost comes from the lovely people at Conservapedia, a temporary change because occasionally we like to go a bit crazy. That said, we cannot neglect biopic of the week, so we are devoting it entirely to Jesus. What can you say about Jesus? He's not active on recent changes, hasn't been seen around here for what feels like 2000 years and when he was around he generally acted like he owned the place, and was, regrettably, banned indefinitely by Pontius Pilate: 20:37, Nissan 14, 33AD Pontius Pilate (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Making me cross! Ha ha ha) Honest, that actually happened. Incidentally, if there was a Cabal, they would take this opportunity to remind you to question nothing you are told. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #9,000 The liberal bias, there's just so much liberal bias. Satanic verse of the week Ain't Another Way

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:43, 12 May 2011

UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!

Voting Takes a Back Seat By Chief Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month. The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi". Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?). Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one! The Forum By Chief Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it. It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday.

Check out these pages! Like, yeah It's just words We will be linking to this page forever A page I found on recent changes while trying to decide what to put in this space From our logs Roman Dog Bird Special: 06:24, August 1, 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 years ‎ (I HAET MAHSELF!!!!!) 03:39, May 15, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Hihyyy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (i love your teacher too) 21:11, January 26, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.163.128.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (No. No I won't give Joe a dollar.) 04:15, February 14, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.79.173.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (LOLOL MAN TIMMAAAAYYYY! HEY THEY KILLED KENNY!!! IS IT THE YEAR 2000 ALL OVER AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!) 23:37, August 10, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked XmabrosX (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Overall, this user is fucking stupid and has no meaning what so ever. Who ever made him is a fucking idiot and deserves to die and go suck a fuck. Now I will make him angry.) 00:29, February 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH FUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 00:18, June 21, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered forlornly in my house this week to thrash out the biopic of the week, we were entirely shocked to discover that there was a user patiently awaiting his turn at the biopic. That user is TheHumbucker, who is a very promising user. Why? I hear you say. Well, because TheHumbucker has not only written 5, that's 5 as in the number between 4 and 6, featured articles, but has also done so quietly and without fuss. Splendid. We'd tell you where you can find him normally, but we haven't a clue since this is the first time we have heard of him; he suggests he might be Irish so those of you wishing to find him could try Ireland, or the other end of a rainbow. According to TheHumbucker: "Comedy is serious shit." Clearly he is only here until he remembers his Wikipedia log in. Newsroom UnTune of the week Johnny Feelgood and the Latex Minions LIVE at the Big Corporate Superdome

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:07, 19 May 2011

Fruit

I just got done editing it according to your review, what do you think? I decided against making it longer because I couldn't find a place where I could add something without breaking the flow of the article, and I didn't want to change the ending because I like ending on such a short note like that, but I did change the caption of the bottom image so it would end more smoothly. I hope you like it. -- 03:24, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, now it`s a bit nicer. Oh, and I found the text under the template. Hilarious. Didn`t find it in the first time. Very funny. Thanx. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:36, 23 May, 2011 (UTC)

No, thank you! I've never gotten so much praise for one article ever. Thanks again. -- 15:41, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Not that writing is the only important thing around here

Reviews are important, too. Help writers get their articles to be better, when done well. Even when not so well, for that matter, but I digress. Thing is, I suspect you could do rather well at the things if you'd just go more in-depth; the two you've done really weren't, but they do show potential.

What I'm saying is please, keep it up, just say a little more. Think about the person's article and how they can improve it; reread the guidelines, perhaps, but also maybe look at other folks' reviews for ideas what to do with yours, what to talk about and suggest and advise. In my experience, examples tend to be a lot more helpful than anything else, at least. I'd suggest looking at the Steel Kidneys in particular - some of them have review lists, and they tend to be pretty good at it in general. Flamingo's and ChiefjusticeDS' reviews also tend to be rather excellent, but finding them is a little harder as they don't keep lists.

Anyhow, I hope this helps, and I hope to see you around the review land some more, as well. I also hope the moose doesn't get you, but that's harder to do anything about, unfortunately. 1234 ~ 06:05, 22 May 2011

I knew this would happen. But, anyway, I`ll try to focus on my Pee Reviews. Btw, I saw the reviews that you`ve made, but I thought that thatkind reviews are too massive to me. I mean that one to Blackflamino`s article. Hrrh. Guesss did I sleep last night? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:38, 23 May, 2011 (UTC)

Eeeeh, don't look at mine. They're bad examples. Ramble and whatnot. Chief's, his are better. Shorter, too. But have you seen this, by any chance? Ones marked yes on the top maintenance table thing, that's what we want, really. And good gods, please don't talk to me about sleep. o__o 1234 ~ 14:50, 23 May 2011

Sometimes

You confuse the hell out of me. That you manage to do it without even being annoying about it (at least that I can tell) is nothing short of amazing, however, as usually confusing people tend to be quite annoying.

You're kind of awesome, really. 1234 ~ 18:39, 23 May 2011

I knew that this could happen... Something really went terrible wrong last day. And why? Blame GIMP. It`s a long story, and I`m too tired to tell that, but yes, YES, I CONFUSE PEOPLE!!! YAY!!! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:41, 24 May, 2011 (UTC)

Have you sorted it out? Anyhow, I could do to learn from you, really. 1234 ~ 11:17, 24 May 2011

I KNOW!

You are from Finland. --Mimo&maxus 10:20, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

YOU KNEW! And, how do you know it? Wait, i think how, but let me hear your epic story first. So YOU were the one spying me in my bedroom. Grrh. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 13:15, 24 May, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry but I was the one who was kissing you when you were sleeping. I think you're talking about my brother. --Mimo&maxus 17:15, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Your brothre... Excuse me, but was your brother that pillow? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:43, 26 May, 2011 (UTC)

Phnerb unsignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

May 26th, 2011 • Issue 122 • News? Where we're going we don't need news!

Weekly update By Chief The big news of the week is that Obama has gone to the UK to talk to some people about some important things. However, since we're stuck reporting on whatever you people have posted in the forums this week, we don't get to report on interesting things like that; we don't even have any blatant bias to crudely insert into any and all of our stories. Incidentally, asylum seekers are no help at all. But enough of those profound thoughts - let's talk Uncyclopedia! This week saw the return of Dawg. For those of you don't know, Dawg is an Uncyclopedian from the days of yore when Uncyclopedians sported in Elysium and all the problems lay ahead. Hurrah, welcome back Dawg. Deciding that the mere sight of his signature on talk pages did not send the appropriate spasms of joy to the loins of every active and inactive Uncyclopedian, Dawg decided to deop Lyrithya and ban her for two years, an action guaranteed to stir the loins of even the most miserable Uncyclopedian. Obviously this was an unforgivable abuse of power and the people demand cake; it's better for you than blood, supposedly. Dr. Skullthumper has also embarked on yet another voyage of busy work as his proposal to semi-protect all featured articles forever sailed through the forums on Wednesday. The UnSignpost is one hundred percent behind Dr. Skullthumper in this, his latest foray into "Doing what must be done despite you all," that is until someone decides it was a stupid idea two years from now, in which case Dr. Skullthumper is a twarse and a racist. In other news, Nachlader has sacked everyone due to Uncyclopedia's poor performance in the last fiscal year, and Bacon is made of Pigs and win. Finally, ebil wikia turned off image uploading which, as any school child knows, THEY ACTUALLY CANNOT DO, BY LAW. It was only for a couple of hours and it only really affected people in America, so who cares? Wikia have turned it on again now, so you may recommence uploading horrible images of yourself/your penis/somebody else's penis without fear of being interrupted by completely unnecessary essential maintenance. UnNews By Chief UnNews is in crisis; with SPIKE absent and Zim ulator likely high as a kite somewhere, there can be no doubt that UnNews lacks a leader. Discussions are presently taking place to decide who should fill the entirely fabricated position at the top of UnNews. Obviously voting is the way forwards, since anything decided without a vote is probably secretly designed to bring the site down around our ears. TheHumbucker appears to be the first choice for UnNews leader, indeed the only person who isn't sure he is competent is TheHumbucker. Olipro confesses himself to be unsure about all this voting; speaking privately, Olipro said "Nobody ever voted for me when I was in charge of UnNews, and it didn't not do me no harm or nothing," a sentiment this correspondent shares exactly, we think. All views are appreciated in this discussion, except views that disagree with what we have already decided. While we are on a completely unrelated topic, get some voting done on VFH; this correspondent is entirely dissatisfied with the lackadaisical approach to voting adopted by most of you. It's almost as if you don't climax every single time you do it... everyone does that right?

Check out these pages! OMG! How do I shot web? What's a MediaWiki and how do I make one? Do you de-crat a Bureaucrat? From our logs: 22:19, May 23, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ ("Remove the first two linebreaks from the other thing, too, when you remove this top bit." COULD YOU BE ANY LESS CLEAR?) 18:25, May 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.91.100.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Dear Sir: I contend that your redaction of the content in that article in favour of the word penis, proves unequivocally that you lick balls.) 02:47, May 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Strico10 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Inserting Vanity: you give me some hope that i'm not the most pathetic person in the world) 22:13, May 22, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Holden Caulfeild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (breathe in and breathe out hands up and hands down back up back up tell me whatcha gonna do now keep trollin trollin trollin trollin (what?)) 00:36, May 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected Famine (Talk | contribs) ‎ (No reason.) Metal Zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron; zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron," zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron!!! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron? Newsroom UnTune of the week Screw you Roman Dog Bird

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:05, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Can I pet you, Mister Cat?

• Pet pet pet* Hi there! Do you remember Fruit? Do you remember how much you liked it? Well you see, it's on VFH, but not many people seem to agree with you. So maybe, but only if you think it's ready to be featured, you could go and vote for it? Thanks. -- 01:10, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

I voted. Uhh... These days people are awful. They don`t respect the old good magic mans anymore. We must do something to that. ...to kill somebody? I can! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:44, 26 May, 2011 (UTC)

Okay

As much as thoughts, just thoughts looks like a feedback, what exactly is wrong with the thoughts? A parody of real news can't really be, anything but uh..thoughts. Theres a question mark in front of that statement. :) Anyway, apart from that, just came to say hi. -- -> That's Poop Man Poop 12:16, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

And can't you add a link pipelined into 'Feed me!' to your talk page too? If it's easy to do you know, which I have no idea if it is.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 12:18, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Maybe I`m just stupid or then I... Whatever. So, hi, poopman, I think you were asking something, because there was a question mark. In front of the statement. What I meant with my thoughts, (and now, remember that I was too lazy to read your article. Just found that something was happening on VFH, remember that) is that you were asking, that what is FA? No, don`t lie to me, my ears are still hearing things. Yet. Well, I answered, with thoughing, that it could mean about FeAture, but it can also mean something like "Furious A-letter", "Fuck Anaheim ducks", or simply even "FA". That`s what I meant. Don`t understand me wrong. Or else...

Anyway, I don`t understand the word pipelined. I meant, how? You mean... Pipelined? That thing I have on the ZZZ part, right? I can do it, if my sig is so annoying. *sobs* It`s not annoying. *Takes the frying pan* Understand? It`s not annoying. Not. Annoying. ...Oh, it never wasn`t annoying? Lier. *Hits* Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 10:01, 27 May, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, and blame Lyrithya. Everyone knew it was Lyri, right? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 10:02, 27 May, 2011 (UTC)

Uh....Ye-eah..ok..so you didn't read the article and the comment thoughts just thoughts was meant for my question to funnybony. Got it. Yeah your sig is pretty awesome. Though I don't think it's anywhere near mine. I know, I know I didn't make it, but still it's so cool. Your name is better than mine, though.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 11:45, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Well, Poopmanpoop is actually pretty cool name after all. Why I didn`t think of that name... Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 12:17, 27 May, 2011 (UTC)

I wish I could say that about your name. But I have a feeling that no matter how long I spend in thinking for a name, I won't really come to Cat the Colourful. So that way your's is better. Btw, don't be lazy and go read the Unnews. :|. How long have you been here for? -- -> That's Poop Man Poop 12:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Something like 6 months or something. Maybe 7. Or 8. I dunno. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 16:13, 28 May, 2011 (UTC)

You didn't ask me, but I did it anyway

• Peter Rabbit dot com
• Images of peter rabbit
• The Tale of Peter Rabbit
• The Tale of Peter Rabbit
• sWP
• Beatrix Potter Suomi
• --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 17:08, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Very much thank you`s. I`m watching them on some other day. I`m busy now. "Let`s go to that roller coaster again, could we?" Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 16:11, 28 May, 2011 (UTC)

Now I finally took a look at those lniks. Whoa. You write something to Finnish. Suomi. Very hard word to write. I can be your Finnish teacher or something, if you want. We can start with easy words and sentences. Now translate this whole sentence... thing: Kiitos linkeistä, perseenreikä. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:26, 30 May, 2011 (UTC)

perseenreikä? :-( {{Assholename}} My grandfather's last name was Filppula, and you are welcome for the links.--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 06:46, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

Oh.. Umm... I thank you from your messages and links, but I... just found something... That article what I writing could be just plagitarism, if I now spelled it right. I going to forget it. Sorry from all you did for nothing. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 09:59, 30 May, 2011 (UTC)

It was nothing but a joy. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 15:37, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

Hi!

I was lurking on Lyrithia's talkpage and you say you hate me or everybody hates me... I hope it's a joke, I don't see where I did piss somebody off? If I did, please tell me :S I'm always smiling in my writing. Mattsnow 11:15, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

Goddammit, I've been fooled by that damn Username thing again lol. I was really like "Eh...what? What the hell did I do wrong?" That is the second time I am caught in this, the first one being on the UGotM page as you can see there. I'll keep an eye on you, you damn cat :P Mattsnow 11:33, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

Hahaha. I was fooled on username at FFS, it was... fooling me. Glad you found it as a joke. No haed feelings, okay? Let`s forget this. *shoots* Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 16:09, 28 May, 2011 (UTC)

That was a great joke, I was like :O . Mattsnow 18:40, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

I jumped in and defended username so no one would cry, and I bolded it so they would know I was serious. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 20:28, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

I almost cried in pain and agony, but you coming to the rescue of username made username feel better until username realized how much of a fool he really was Mattsnow 20:41, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

Fuck you <insert name here>. I`ve always said that. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:21, 30 May, 2011 (UTC)

You're starting to be fucking annoying, <insert name here>. Mattsnow 16:39, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

Hmn... <insert another stupid joke about my anger against <insert name here>> Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 11:03, 31 May, 2011 (UTC)

I was looking at the voting for UGotM, and I saw my name. So I thought, "ah the username trick". But it wasn't. And I won the Useless Gobshite of the Month. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:05, 13 June 2011

Sincere thanks for supporting one or more of these articles on VFH:

• Guru Maharaj Ji
• Don Martin
• Blue-ringed octopus
• Lunar Launch (with Socky)
• 2012 (with MrN)

like, really!--Funnybony    20:54, May 29

Umm... Eh? I`ve never voted these ones. Or that`s what I remember. Is this somekind of joke what? Eh? I`m cornfused. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:41, 30 May, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, sorry, I voted that one article, that 2012. Sorry. I reaslly have bad dementia. Thanks for remembering me. So I`m not alone. We can make the world domination together... Eeehhehehee... Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:43, 30 May, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Best before Friday!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

June 2nd, 2011 • Issue 123 • The only periodical that calls you back!

Logo Pogo, what's our Vector Victor? By Chief Those of you who aren't still reeling from the ingenuity and wit contained in the title for this story are just the kind of humour-hating Nazis who are killing this place, one "witty" article at a time, who will, naturally, have noticed that the logo has undergone a design change. This change came after several of our power hungry administrators noticed the shadowing on the old logo. Not noticed the shadowing on the old logo yet? Well head straight to the image page and look at the shadowing on the old logo. We here at the UnSignpost are utterly gobsmacked that we lived and indeed loved alongside such shoddy work, just look at the shadowing! The more you look the angrier you become; it's incredible, just what the hell was Rcmurphy thinking when he created the shadowing on the old logo!? Of course this is all untrue, the old logo is basically fine but the new one suggests that we aren't all the ten-thumbed Orangutans that <insert name here> is and that we might know something about cricket and opera. In other words, its beauty and three dimensions hide the depressing truth and, according to Dr. Skullthumper, will probably cure AIDS and bring peace to the Middle-East as well. The creator of the brand new logo is none other than Lyrithya, who wasn't available for comment at the time of going to press, but would probably would want to say something about how she owes everything to ChiefjusticeDS. A quick scan of the forum reveals only one forum topic about the new logo, making it about ten times more popular than Wikia and Jesus combined. The other interesting development is also the development of some kind of new skin for the wiki which is presently being flaunted on a forum and on your gadgets page where you can tick a box to experience it for yourself, just like voting really. This is once again courtesy of Lyrithya, someone who just doesn't take "Meh" for an answer. The general opinion of the community regarding these changes is difficult to gauge, especially if you don't read any of the forum topics. Speaking anonymously, Mhaille expressed doubts about Vector, stating that the changes were "Only skin deep," but said that any discussion over which was better was "Just plain racist". Rank admins! By Chief Those of you who have heard of Rate Your Admins (or RYA if you wear sunglasses inside) need not read this story; simply scroll back to the top, read the right hand column and ask again just how does that sexy admin do it. Which segues us neatly onto the thrust of this story: Frosty has revived the original RYA, a system by which users would give the active admins a score out of ten on various categories and then the admins would have a reason to get up the next day. The new system is very similar to the old one, exactly the same, some would say, and all it needs is your contribution. The UnSignpost spoke to Sockpuppet of an unregistered user about RYA and he said "I once killed a man," but don't let that put you off; he's actually really well-adjusted. Voting couldn't be simpler. You just go to the page of the relevant admin and then you click edit (with us so far?) then you put zero in every box and press save. Don't worry; the chances of them knowing where you live are extremely remote so it's literally consequence-free, almost.

Check out these pages! Slut! Blog! Words! Numbers! Zombiebaron! From our logs: 23:49, May 31, 2011, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.232.79.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (it takes a certain talent to write that much about someone who apparently sucks so badly) 12:38, May 26, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.201.66.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'd ask you to cease all twattery but then you'd have nothing to do all day.) 03:15, May 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gomphog ‎ (Stealing Gomphog's subpages. Reportedly.) 07:12, May 30, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Tayythunder (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Being racist against templates...) 15:21, May 27, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.107.188.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Take a break and read HTBFANJS Just calling everyone gay is... Gay? Be more creative eh?) 13:43, June 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Being Zombiebaron a little bit too much) Biopic of the Week Now I don't know about you, but Cat the Colourful is a name I have seen quite a lot, but in the same way I see grass quite a lot. What I mean by this is that he/she/it is always there, pottering away in the background. While everyone else fights and brawls over the correct font for the main page, Cat the Colourful is there voting on an article, making thoughtful additions to an article, uploading pictures of rabbits killing themselves and generally being helpful. This is the part of the biopic where I normally complain about the users annoying habits, and this week is no exception; you know what I really hate about Cat the Colourful? It's his signature, there's a picture in it and colours. A stupid username about being a colourful cat with colours in it? His signature should be black, that would be funny because it isn't colourful at all! No? Well con-cat-ulations Cat the Colourful... I'M WITTY DAMMIT! From the Editor Every week we receive literally no feedback on the UnSignpost. But last week Lollipop complained that we had not covered all the big news of the week. So, in order to please him and his imaginary friend Alex, Tom Mayfair and MrN9000 have also made edits to the wiki after not doing so for a while. I hope that satisfies Lollipop in the way a woman never will... for free at least.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:05, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, that`s me there! I`m fucking bionic or something! Yay! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 12:25, 7 June, 2011 (UTC)

WOTM

Thank you so much for your vote for May Writer of the Month, I really appreciate it! -- Sf13 0058 EST 6 June 2011

Nice! And thank you`s from remembering me! Be apprecicated! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 12:22, 7 June, 2011 (UTC)

I`m a bit tired. Maybe it`s because of the weather or something, I dunno.

Yeah, fellas, everyone, you, your friends and everyone else; summer is going, or coming, and I`m having really nice time on bed. So people, don`t expect to see me everyday. You know, I`m having a little brake here. I don`t know how long, minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months, but I`mn trying to be here always when I can. But I can`t. Sad, this world. So, don`t expect to see me much these days, okay? Be nice. Bye, Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 12:33, 7 June, 2011 (UTC)

Erp, hope you feel better, mon. 1234 ~ 01:48, 8 June 2011

I am. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 06:25, 8 June, 2011 (UTC)

Quick word about copyright

I can't help but notice that you seem to have uploaded quite a few pages of the copyrighted "Bunny Suicide" books. Now, while Uncyclopedia can occasionally scrape by with the occasional copyrighted image (as a lot of things are protected under parody), outright putting a published book's content on the site is rather... not okay. Obviously it's not like we've got any sort of takedown notice yet, but I think it'd be rather kind to Wikia if we could get rid of these images before we actually do get one. Hope you agree. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 06:31 Jun 08, 2011

But... But... These pictures are taken from internet. I`m not braking law, I think, because someone else has uploaded them. Don`t be evil, Dr. You`re taking my life off. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 06:35, 8 June, 2011 (UTC)

Don't mean to be evil, just watching out for you, the site, and our hosts here, a bit. Even if someone else put them on the Internet, unless it was the author explicitly stating that the images were free to post anywhere, they still oughtn't be here. If someone else violated copyright and you're copying them, you are still violating copyright. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 06:38 Jun 08, 2011

...So I`m violent then? Of course I understand what you mean, I`ve seen that Garfield-thing once, it was terrible to read. But I love what I did. It would be sad. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 06:41, 8 June, 2011 (UTC)

The Garfield article, at least, featured edits of said comic strip, which could be considered protected under parody. Your seventeen or so images are directly from the work in question, no editing, and it's really a sizable chunk of the book. Maybe if you uploaded two or three as examples to supplement an article on the subject, that'd be okay. But seventeen images lifted directly from copyrighted material is really not, I'm afraid. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 06:46 Jun 08, 2011

*sigh* That`s true. *sigh* Maybe I just to have to accept it. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 07:20, 8 June, 2011 (UTC)

YOU DO BAD THING!

Ok now I should have your attention it wasn't horrible, but don't write on the n00bs page I edit conflicted you, do it on my talkpage if you feel the need to whine. -- Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 08:08, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

I made it alreay. Njahaha. YOU EDIT CONFLICTED ME! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 08:09, 8 June, 2011 (UTC)

Hurrah, it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

June 9th, 2011 • Issue 124 • The only periodical that remains aerodynamic at high speeds!

It's serious business By Chief To celebrate the creation of a new ignorable policy, the UnSignpost is covering all the srs biz that has taken place on Uncyclopedia this week. Once again, Lyrithya and her unending quest to "improve" the wiki takes the top story; not content with replacing the potato logo originally created by Rcmurphy, she has created a forum (yes another one) in which she displays the new logos she has created, all wonderful and three dimensional. Dr. Skullthumper appears to have been so entranced by the the shadowing on these new logos that he is currently proposing that we allow Lyrithya to do whatever she wants, then we can only assume it will begin to rain marshmallows and then Jesus will return so that he may bless the new logos in person. Everyone loves the new logos except for Lollipop, whose home-grown logo offerings have been snubbed... one of these days he will probably buy a gun and then kill every single one of us. The Ministry of Love has a new topic on it. This is news in its own right, but it would be just plain lazy for us not to tell you what it was. In other news, Sycamore has called for all Real Nigga's to report to the Village Dump. Sycamore, who was born and raised in West Philadelphia, was unable to justify this course of action as he had one little fight and has been forced to go and live with his Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air. The UnSignpost is sure that hilarity is certain to ensue and predicts that Sycamore may well be writing horrendously bad rap music in as little as three years time. Finally it seems that the in-fighting, backstabbing and constant evil that emanates from all the current admins (with the possible exception of Modusoperandi) has not discouraged users from wanting to be just like them. The UnSignpost wonders why anybody would ever aspire to be part of a group that not only has Olipro in it but also boasts a whole one and a half women and she is maladjusted. The crippling deficiencies of Uncyclopedia's admin group haven't stopped Joe9320 from asking to be one; on being asked why he wants to be an admin, he cited no reason at all. He just does and, apparently, so should you. Also, Magic man wanted to be in the UnSignpost this week, so he is. VFS/B By Chief When Uncyclopedians aren't looking at depraved Horse porn or voting on articles referencing Horse porn, they are to be found gazing in wonder at VFS to see just what those barmy administrators have come up with next. Well, sort of. Currently VFS is not given over to the process of sandwich voting, but to a vote on whether to hold nominations for a preliminary round of voting for the people to administer the results of further voting, but only if there has been a vote first. In short, the admins are deciding whether or not to have some more bureaucrats. Since all of you have read Jimbo Wales fantastic works: "The Pricing of Index Options When the Underlying Assets All Follow a Lognormal Diffusion" and "Me and my ample piles. Of Money" you all know the ins and outs of the role, but we will remind you anyway. Bureaucrats give out user rights; if Uncyclopedia was a city the users would be the citizens, the vandals would be the criminals, the administrators would be the Police and Bureaucrats would be the people who send Police officers annoying notes about filling in forms and the importance of chilling their packed lunches. Currently the vote is plus four in favour so it looks like voting on sandwiches will be suspended for another month, a tragedy which two months ago seemed a very remote possibility. We would urge you to vote but you all know the form by now, just remember that Bureaucrats tend to go... missing. We sat down with absentee Bureaucrat and hilarious moustache owner Mhaille to get his opinion of the vote: "If you master the 5 D's no amount of balls on Earth can hit you" Mhaille responded before beating our reporter savagely with a sack of wrenches, so there is some definite food for thought there. Cross your legs folks, it looks like there will be another vote coming to your computer screens very soon.

Check out these pages! Piffle! Wiffle! Wibble! Pibble! Piffle Wiffle! From our logs: 20:33, June 5, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.180.53.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (You may fire when ready..... /robot voice/ commence primary ignition...... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH) 02:04, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected #59221 ‎ (HOW COME NO ONE EVER UNCHECKS THIS BOX ANYMORE) 02:05, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (because you havent been banned yet somehow. i hope this happens RIGHT AS YOU PRESS THE SUBMIT EDIT BUTTON) 02:06, June 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sickmyduck1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ([insert joke here about lacking penis size]) 11:20, June 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 194.80.21.164 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You seem to be unable to recognise that the repeated deletion of your articles means they're crap and we don't want them. Perhaps this ban will help?) 11:29, June 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.51.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (BUY SOME SPAM!! CUT PRICE SPAM! LEARN HOW WEIRDO MAKES NO MONEY AND LOSES HIS FRIENDS FROM HOME!!! BEST OFFAR EVAR!) 21:47, June 3, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 201.229.215.186 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (EminemEminemEminemEminem) Biopic of the Week Well, nobody was looking forward to being biopiced in the UnSignpost than Lollipop. Lollipop came to Uncyclopedia in 2010 under the guise of Maniac Mcpee, whose very first article was deleted. Lollipop reacted as all of us would have done and created a hate page to explain just how much he hated the offending administrator; this page was then taken, completely rewritten and went on to become a featured article. Lollipop has not shut up about it since. As much of a blessing as a curse, Lollipop has hurricaned his way around the wiki, alternately thrilling and irritating administrators and users alike, but do you know what makes us want to biopic him? It's not the cash he gave us, though that certainly greased the wheel, no, it's his enthusiasm; you just can't demoralise him. Every time you turn around he's there being derided on a talk page or forum and then the next day he's back with something else. He just won't quit! So well done, Lollipop, you're the guy we all love to hate to love. Thought for the week On Uncyclopedia at a glance why do we have a stat for "Pictures of boobies" but not one for "Pictures of Cake"? Think about it (That's sort of the point) Newsroom UnTune of the week Still Alive (Bin Laden 2011 Cover)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

Cat scratch fever! --Snuffleupagus 01:34, June 14, 2011 (UTC)

Okay, who the fuck... How the hell did you find me? My username is secret, you couldn`t find me without knowing my phonenumber. It`s secret, too. But, anyway, thanks for writing me.. something... Who the fuck was tha guy? No, seriously?!! OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 09:42 14 June 2011

UnSignpost Activate!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

June 16th, 2011 • Issue 125 • Adopt a mad Bear today... please, they're closing in.

CURSE YOU! By Chief It's time for the mid-month, mid-week, midnight round-up of Uncyclopedia, named this week for the mutual love and admiration currently flying back and forth on the Village Dump. The big news this week is that VFC has opened for voting, with almost every active administrator being nominated along with <insert name here>. After a whole day of voting, Zombiebaron has taken a commanding lead, racking up 14 votes, with Thekillerfroggy and Modusoperandi sitting in second and third. Our correspondent described the scenes on the page as "Sickening" as the leaders compete to see who can be the most dashing chap and concede victory to his fellows in the noblest manner possible. The UnSignpost was able to talk to Zombiebaron about the race: "Zombiebaron," he stated confidently on being asked whom he thought would prevail; on being asked who he would like to see stripped naked, smeared with Jam and fed to killer ants, he responded "Zombiebaron," and when pressed as to why he conceded that the matter was indeed "Zombiebaron". Moving on from the sickening gayery taking place on VFC, the village dump brings us the conflict and hatred that made Uncyclopedia as doomed as it is today. First PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that admins should not protect forum pages while discussion was taking place, in return the administrative body suggested that PuppyOnTheRadio should probably put some clothes on before going outside. Elsewhere on the dump, Dr. Skullthumper is doing his best to keep himself in pointless busy-work by proposing that we recategorise everything into a set of new categories within a new namespace which in turn will be within a new namespace. The practical upshot being that Dr. Skullthumper has a reason to haul himself out of bed every morning, a truly noble goal; this entire wiki having being founded around a very similar aim. Finally it seems that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 list has ground to a halt and has become Roman Dog Bird's very own personal playground and, as amusing as it is to watch him make entries about his bowel movements, his friends bowel movements, and bumsex, there aren't that many reflections on 2011. Since we passed the halfway point of the year a few weeks ago it was with some dismay that we discovered that we are still 66 reflections away from completing the task before the annual Cabal broadcast at the end of the year. This is a large crisis. Everybody should spend at least 10 minutes of the coming week running frantically around their house panicking about the impending crisis and the consequences of such a large crisis. Someone should also add new reflections to the list, but not before completing the requisite ten minutes of panic. Skully's formspring declared "national pastime of Uncyclopedia" By Dr. Skullthumper In a bizarre twist of social networking, local user Dr. Skullthumper has created an account on the popular website formspring.me. Almost immediately the famed Uncyclopedia administrator was bombarded with questions about his sexuality, his sister, and propositions of considerable indecency. So amusing were his answers that for several hours wiki contributors ceased editing altogether to think up more clever questions to ask him. "I was looking for a place to gloat about my ban," says Equivamp, a self-proclaimed sufferer of Erectile Dysfunction. "But I was too scared to come on IRC. That's where all the rapes happen. Luckily I found one of the dozens of links to this guy's formspring that everyone's been talking about. Finally, a place to insult Uncyclopedia safely!" But even such a positive story as this brings humanity's dark side to light once more. Kip the Dip has revealed himself to be one of the most prejudiced users in Uncyclopedian history, believing the entire website to be constructed for his people alone. Several anonymous users have taken to slandering the almighty goddess Lyrithya, who continues to shower us with holy goods such as proper bloody code and images that don't look like they were shat out of MS Paint. And as for Skully, the sheer amount of time he has spent answering questions has forced him to forgo sleep for several nights in a row now. Despite these setbacks, Skully says he will "continue to do what must be done", and "hurrrrrrrrrrrrrghCOFFEE".

Check out these pages! Useful! Confusing! Modusoperandi! Ratings! From our logs: 05:38, June 15, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Meepsheep made this account to upload goatse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clever! Verrrry clever. And foolish! Now you're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my NOTHING) 04:39, June 13, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.236.184.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you like graffiti so much why don't you buy some spraypaint and draw a giant cock on your front door) 08:41, June 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (The cabal wishes it: It does honest, I was at the last meeting and we talked about this while the tea was going round) 18:28, June 11, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.158.24.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (we are a humour site, we are not concerned with the truth) 01:18, June 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.68.16.64 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (I know what you dream about at night.) 20:57, June 14, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.56.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (uuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered in the Theatre of Dreams next to the local Bingo hall, it came to our attention that the biopic has been doing rather well recently. It has actually covered actual users who are actually editing the wiki or who have actually edited the wiki at some point in the past. In fact we decided that we had done such a good job that the biopic this week would be all about what a splendid job we made of the biopics for the last few weeks. I mean, there you all were reading the UnSignpost and pairing your socks when BLAM! There was the biopic and it fed you when you had no food, it clothed you when you were wearing parachute pants and it didn't judge you the same way everyone else does. The biopics from the last few weeks have contained less than two grams of saturated fat and cost you nothing, in fact they gave you the gift of laughter which, according to intellectuals, is the greatest gift of all; frankly you ought to be paying us. This biopic even comes with a picture of a traffic cone! It's so stripy and orange and stuff... By the power of Greyskull! You shall not best me Skeletor! So there. Newsroom UnTune of the week Ur So Phat and you don't even like food

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, June 16, 2011 (UTC)

Thought of you

Pup 02:55 18 Jun '11

I like your thought. It`s very colourful. Keep thinking the same way. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 06:07 12 July 2011

Catch it. Kill it. Bin it. It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

June 23rd, 2011 • Issue 126 • The only periodical that will burn your house down... with lemons!

Experimental Vectors By Chief This week Uncyclopedia stands on the brink of a momentous decision, a decision that will shape the future of the wiki and possibly society as we know it. Also, Lyrithya is proposing that we introduce the Vector skin as the default skin for the whole wiki. As is the custom on our planet a vote is currently happening in a forum, which isn't really news as everything around here is eventually resolved in that way. The vote currently stands at eleven votes in favour, with the people voting for praising Vector's enticing indentation and stylings and the against voters complaining that Vector isn't compatible with Windows 95 and doesn't display properly when loaded on a monitor last used to observe the 1969 Moon Landings. For voter and skin fetishist Ljlego launched a staunch defence of Vector, saying, "I hated Vector when I first saw it on Wikipedia," while against voter and Republican Aleister in Chains has complained that the skin doesn't work when he loads it on his ZX Spectrum; he has also found the real problem with the skin, namely, "Those huge tabs at the top, they look ridiculous. " Shabidoo, meanwhile, has decided to abstain, having been unable to make up his mind; his uncertainty about the new skin springs from a belief that, "This skin is much better than the last one." What a weirdo. The UnSignpost staff has switched to Vector and report that they have, on several occasions, found money in the street on the way home; who in their right mind would refuse to switch now? Vector does have several deficiencies which are, of course, all Lyrithya's fault. The much loved and coveted things to do page has disappeared from the sidebar, meaning that unless you search for it, you cannot find it. Incidentally, Science proves that searching for articles in the search box causes Cancer in 75% of everyone who does it. There are no other problems, except that the toolbox is set to be closed as default, Pee review is now below the facebook page link (this makes it appear less important), it doesn't make sandwiches, the edit button is on the wrong side, to watch pages I click a star (this is blatant Zionism), when I click the search box I type in a box inside the search box, and there is no link to the UnSignpost on the sidebar. If you have yet to try out the Vector skin go to your preferences page; you know you are there when the box with your optional real name in it appears. Click the gadgets tab and then select 'experimental Vector skin' from the list. Enjoy. Incidentally my real name is Archer, Leader of the Gorgonites. Fails QA By Him yet again Now while the UnSignpost staff are currently contemplating a weekly box devoted to Dr. Skullthumper's latest fad for Uncyclopedia, we felt we absolutely had to cover his latest dalliance into saving us from the eternal fires to which we are so rightly condemned. QA is something you are no doubt familiar with; for those of you who aren't here is how to find out. The new revelation is the QA log; this is a splendid log for those of you who love to sit and stare at recent changes. Now you can stare at recent changes and the QA log. It basically catches people sneakily removing maintenance tags from articles in order that they may be punished for their anarchic tendencies. Dr. Skullthumper has said all of the above in forum, but that's what the UnSignpost is for - we read the forums and write a brief summary with more jokes and less whining. The aforementioned Physician would like feedback from users on how his new device works, so in short he would like you to go to his forum and tell him just how splendid it is that he has taken time out from his splendid schedule of splendid masturbation to splendidly improve this splendid site. Some of our readers have written to us to tell us what they think about this new tool: "Zombiebaron," said an anonymous letter. "Who is this?" asked RabbiTechno after phoning our hotline. "Please rush me my portable Walrus polishing kit. 4 Super brushes guaranteed to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals." read a coupon sent to us by Under user. "Wow. Now that is VERY useful." read an email from MrN9000, titled "Re:The purpose of toilets" and "Help me. I'm trapped in a post office." wrote Mordillo, who hasn't been seen since March. The QA log is live and watching all of you at this very moment and reminds you that thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death.

Check out these pages! Ratings! Worst! AGAIN! METAL GEAR? METAL GEAR!!! From our logs: 01:08, June 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked WeStoppedTheRocket (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (i've heard (well, okay, seen i guess) it before! i don't wanna here (again, see) it again!) 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator) 15:29, June 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.46.201.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Hell yeah! You showed that talk page. Hit it again! Keep it down!) 15:15, June 19, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (EVERYONE LOVES IT!) 00:08, June 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.8.195.146 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (My dog just died from your lack of humour. Murderer!) 22:39, June 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked What now, bitches? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) Biopic of the Week Uncyclopedia has a problem. Uncyclopedia has NoNamesLeft. Now having NoNamesLeft is not the huge tragedy that it may first appear. To have NoNamesLeft is to have NoMoreStupidity. Confucius say: He who have NoNamesLeft have most names of all. Of course NoNamesRemaining is not just a rather snappy saying , no it is also the Moniker for a complete lunatic who likes to edit Uncyclopedia, likely to the severe detriment of the other duties and responsibilities in his life. Having been on Uncyclopedia for two months, he has racked up over 2,000 edits and three featured articles, along with a whole set of other articles that have caused Aleister in Chains to fall unequivocally in love with him. If you fancy asking him just how he will pay the heating bill for next month you can visit his talk page. Don't hold your breath for a response though; he's probably far too busy. Things you already know weekly round-up Zombiebaron and Modusoperandi lead Thekillerfroggy in the final round of VFS, nobody writes UnTunes any more, <insert name here> is still great fun, more people need to vote on VFH, everyone secretly loves the Power Rangers, you will go blind if you keep doing that, Zombiebaron, Nachlader is occasionally funny, obeying orders without question is fun, the two columns are now similar lengths. Mission Accomplished. Newsroom UnTune of the week Oo Aa Iiee

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Kryptonite

Thanks-a-million for disregarding this dumb warning. You have wisely chosen the dark-side of the farce.--Funnybony    08:31, Jun 26

Whee, cool. I`ll be enjoying of this "farce" in my own dark side of the spoon. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 06:09 12 July 2011

The Un-Sigh-npost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

June 30th, 2011 • Issue 127 • Kills 99.9% of bacteria.... IN SECONDS!!

Breasts By Chief You know what the problem is? You will shortly, because if there's something the UnSignpost does brilliantly, it is editorialise on matters of little or no significance to you or the people you know. The problem is the days of the week and the dates of the month are conspiring against the UnSignpost. As the UnSignpost team sat down on Sunday to play monopoly and, if there was time, lay out the foundations for this splendid periodical, some bright spark suggested that we cover the conclusion of VFS. What an excellent idea, we all agreed, and had completed an entire specialist 3D issue on that single topic, complete with free poster and balloons, when it was realised that we won't in fact know who has won until Thursday evening, by which time this periodical will have been dispatched and our team of journalists will once again be at home wanking themselves raw. So we binned that spectacular issue and persuaded our least able journalist to write the story instead; this was especially useful as we only have to pay him in hugs and Jelly Babies. So VFS trundles on into its final laborious stages; some of you may remember voting a long long time ago when it was still exciting and you checked the page every day to see how your favourite candidate was doing. Now the only people checking VFS every day are Thekillerfroggy and Zombiebaron, and only then because they are winning at the moment. Obviously all that is needed to recapture the attention of the average Uncyclopedian is a header proclaiming the existence of breasts and, of course, exclusive interviews with other Uncyclopedians! Regrettably only one of those is available right now and this being the UnSignpost you can probably guess which one. "Well I do have a plan," said Thekillerfroggy when we interviewed him about his tactics for being the winner. When pressed, he revealed that "Well I can't reveal too much but I can say that my plan involves being the winner." Clearly TKF is playing the long game, but how about Zombiebaron? "Zombiecrat!" replied Zombiebaron when we asked how he would counter TKF's ambitious strategy to be the winner, which roughly translated means that Zombiebaron plans to be the winner as well. Third placed candidate Modusoperandi is currently sticking to his usual duties: sticking the occasional template on Ban Patrol and posting on the forums where he is occasionally racist; the best and wisest man any of us have ever known. The other obvious problem here is that we don't have any particularly active Bureaucrats (thus why we are holding this vote) to give the newly elected users their rights on Friday morning. However this is a minor detail since the voting is the fun part of any VFS and you all enjoyed that... right? Forest Fire By Chief As we were saying last week, Dr. Skullthumper really needs a hobby, preferably one that involves very long compulsory breaks from his computer. However, undeterred by such scathing criticism, Dr. Skullthumper and Lyrithya have decided, in the name of quality, to reform the maintenance templates, leaving a queue of articles on the timestamped maintenance categories as long as the list of women that Dr. Skullthumper isn't sleeping with. When we arrived to question the good doctor, Lyrithya demonstrated her commitment to the project by immediately saying "It was Dr. Skullthumper's fault," which at least shows she is a team player. Of course Dr. Skullthumper is far too busy to answer our questions, especially when there are problems to be solved and edit counts to be raised, so he has proposed another forest fire week because if there's anything more fun than sorting through hundreds of articles, it's tagging hundreds of them with templates. For those of you who have never seen a forest fire week it is essentially a week (duh) where users are encouraged to tag crap articles with a tag that gives them 7 days to live. All splendid and wholesome; the only issue being that for reasons best known to himself, Dr. Skullthumper has posted this idea in BHOP, so you actually have to go there in order to read it, sorry. Of course such an idea assumes that tagging articles is fun and I'm sure you will agree it is, if you are doing it once or twice a day. Once the seven days are over you'll wish that there was no Uncyclopedia, no internet and ultimately no choice! So hurry over to cast your all-important votes, and speed us on our way to misery and clerkly drudgery!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandi Zombiebaron Uncyclopedia is the worst Why? The community cake is a lie Whatever this is From our logs: 07:33, June 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.206.228.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Finally, a good old-fashioned page blanking, well done to you sir for defying convention so radically) 19:43, June 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHelloGuy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (LulzSec attacking wiki security? Of course it's insecure, it's bloody MediaWiki!) 09:16, June 27, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.168.31.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (werespambotmanwolf) 03:20, June 26, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (if i'm resurected does that mean that i'm a zombiezombiebaron?) 14:05, June 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.120.16.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Ass-cheese is all very well at work, but you have to switch off sometime) 12:26, June 23, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 119.155.6.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm cleansing the internet of inferior lifeforms, starting with spambots.) Biopic of the Week There is no biopic this week. Try not to think about that too much. OMG! Cajek edited the wiki this week, see below. Cajek Ban-Smackdown of the Week 16:14, June 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎ (Hello. I don't believe I've blocked you before. ) 15:35, June 25, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 253 seconds ‎ (Editing the wiki without due care and attention) 02:58, June 25, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a poop ‎ (uuuuuunnnnnnnnngggggggghhhhhh *poop*) 01:17, June 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flock of trouts ‎ (Because.) 00:11, June 25, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5000000 years ‎ (WHY HAVENT I DONE THIS YET) 22:37, June 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a jubilation ‎ (OH MY FUCKING SHIT IT IS CAJEK!!!!!!!!!) Newsroom UnTune of the week The Star and Eagle Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #6,425 Just to pop down to the shops for... porn.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

It's free and it always will be; it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

July 7th, 2011 • Issue 128 • Why not have some Yoghurt?

The Final Solution By Chief The year is 2011, as you are obviously well aware, and Uncyclopedia once again faces a crisis that could very well shake the very foundations of the wiki and destroy the comedic soul of the userbase. Ha, fooled you, here is a story about a forum that nobody except Lyrithya has replied to. You all recall that last week we covered Dr. Skullthumper and his latest dalliance with quality control. Well, it seems that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user took exception to these changes, and he is determined to make a stand for justice, democracy and the American Belgian way, whichever way that may be. So you all know how we have too many articles, you should because you have all been told, and that all of these articles suck, however Socky contends that the way to solve this is not through shipping all the articles to Cajek's prison island but rather by considering each and every one in turn. A noble aim but it simply is not practical; does Socky not realise that these are necessary losses without which democracy cannot be purified? Clearly he does not. The UnSignpost decided not to have an interview with anyone this week as it involves all sorts of complex logistical work and what can be charitably described as begging but rather has elected to have people answer any question with a random line from their talk page that they have said; we aren't completely unprofessional. The first person we didn't sit down with was Socky himself, to inform him that we were running this story. "That's... partially nice and partially creepy to hear." he responded. Asked why he opposed the reforms he said "The dark side is always my choice." which at least explains why he lives underneath a power station. Finally we asked what his proposed solution would be: "All I can say is that it's Arabic and I have a hunch it has "Allah" in it somewhere," he said enthusiastically (we imagine). We failed to ask Uncyclopedian every man Frosty what he thought about the conflict, he responded by saying "They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered." albeit he did say this on Tuesday... to someone else... about something completely different. Dr. Skullthumper rebutted Socky's accusations of Article Death Camps by saying "I've been an uptight fucker because I was on my periods" to RAHB, in 2008. Hopefully this will all accumulate with some kind of massive fight, hopefully with lasers... in space; this correspondent certainly hopes so. Competitions By Chief We here at the UnSignpost were out of writing material this week, and that doesn't just mean we have run out of pens, it means that VFS has concluded, nobody is really fighting about anything and most crucially there have been no writing competitions. Usually you can't move for Uncyclopedia competitions begging people to write something funny in the name of fun and games and with the promise of a shiny template should they do particularly well. Well Thekillerfroggy certainly noticed and it seems that every person who has ever hosted a competition ever was just waiting for him to ask since they are now all fighting over who gets to hold their writing competition first, by being incredibly gallant and insisting that everyone else go first. It's like watching a group of middle aged women discuss who will get to have the last Malteser: "Oh I really shouldn't, no you do it, you haven't had a Malteser in such a long time, I know I love them and being in charge of them but you asked nicely, oh do go on Mavis." You get the idea (obviously in this analogy Maltesers are writing competitions). We list the ideas floating around on the forum below for your laziness convenience: 1) The PLS, last hosted by Sycamore in February. 2) The Article Whisperer last hosted by MadMax in October last year. 3) The Happy Monkey Competition hosted by Shabidoo in March. 4) Some hypothetical competition possibly hosted by Ljlego at some theoretical point this summer. One thing is for certain, one of these will happen, be sure to keep an eye on the forums to see what is being held when, that way you can not take part as a conscientious objection rather than just through ignorance.

Check out these pages! Kip The Dip Do you speak Shabidoo? Romartus leads the way From our logs: 23:58, July 1, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 27.3.18.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Look at the cute little revert warrior...) 08:27, July 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 137 minutes ‎ (it's not Retardpedia, you say? What the fuck was I ever doing here then?) 19:15, July 1, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.67.107.232 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Why do people take so dang long to blank a page? Honestly. It's just edit -> select all -> backspace.) 16:30, July 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.228.244.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's my userpage, the important part being that it is mine, If I want to fill it with hentai and fairies that is my own crap decision and you should let me roll with it.) 01:09, July 5, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Your Mother) 11:27, July 4, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.250.163.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Are you stupid? This is a legitimate question based on the nature of your contributions.) Biopic of the Week What can one say about Joe9320? That he hasn't already said himself, it is not an exaggeration to say that Joe9320's biggest fan is Joe9320. That said, you should not let this, or his... unique userpage put you off Joe. Joe's biggest commitments right now are the Goa Tse clan, being made an admin and being Joe9320. Joe has been around since 2008 and should be afforded a level of respect for causing very little in the way of real problems in that time, accruing a stunning 8 blocks as he wheels from forum to forum explaining why he rocks and why we should all agree that he rocks. So those of you with supposedly limitless free time can swing past Joe's userpage and once they have enjoyed that for a little while can swing by his talk page and speak to the man himself. Good luck to you; there be monsters. Old School FA The GPS is today becoming a never-ending source of delight to exuberant male drivers, for two main reasons: Their total lack of ability to ask for directions. Their insatiable desire for new, expensive and totally unnecessary toys. The GPS fulfils both of those basic male needs. The GPS will essentially connect to several geographic satellites which are able to coordinate the driver's local position, destination and how to bridge the gap between the two. At the next roundabout- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! Newsroom UnTune of the week Can't Stop Him Now

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

Alice in Wonderland

Hi Cat. I think your illustration add for that article falls into the shock category. I know no one seems to have seen or commented on this and I certainly missed it when it was added in November 2010. I will ask Lyrithya to look at it as well for her opinion. Thanks. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 08:24, July 8, 2011 (UTC)

Removed the image after a discussion with Socky. I don't think it added to the article anyway. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 12:10, July 8, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, thanks. That picture is stupid, anyway. Is it now huffed? I hope is it. If it`s not huffed, I must ask you to huff it. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 06:11 12 July 2011

Uncyc Summer Extravaganza!

Me and Shabidoo are hosting a contest. Wanna join? It's better than the last one. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 00:11, July 12, 2011 (UTC)

'Tis "Shabidoo and I"LOL ok... Obviously, I'm just updating you on what's shakin. Joe and I are running the contest, I've taken over Shabidoo's position completely, and some of Joe's. Just in case you actually care, any question you have go here Thanks for your participation, ^{→ (Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories)} 11:32, July 22, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, right. But what I asked from Shabidoo was that when is the competition that he`s made will be? So I don`t get the point why you told that. But, anyway, nice that you informed that Shabidoo ain`t hosting the contest... `Tough I knew that already... OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 12:05 23 July 2011

Must be nice being slow-witted. ^{→ (Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories)} 13:39, July 23, 2011 (UTC) "He's a Russian! Har har har!!!"

The UnSignpost: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

July 14th, 2011 • Issue 129 • The Engines cannae take it Captain!

Now You're Gone By Chief This week the UnSignpost is the bearer of sad sad news. A person close to us all, an integral cog in the workings of the wiki has taken a leave of absence and now there is nobody to take up the slack. Yes it is with a heavy heart we report that Sannse is hardly ever here these days. For those who are interested there will be a small service on Sunday where we will all have a minutes fresh air in honour of Sannse, on the plus side Lyrithya hasn't edited the wiki in four days at the time of going to press! This forum by super sensitive Ljlego details his intentions to force Lyrithya into a holiday, buy tampons and grow a vagina, not necessarily in that order. For those of you who don't know what a holiday involves it's a very expensive way of going to stay somewhere with unreliable internet, too much spicy food and to be molested by foreigners who smell of spicy food. Ljlego doesn't make it clear why exactly he thinks that Lyrithya needs molesting but it's most likely because she makes a prettier lady than he does. Dr. Skullthumper, who just can't stay out of the UnSignpost these days, has diagnosed Lyrithya with what he calls "Uncyc Fatigue" a condition that in its final stages renders one completely incapable of caring about anything to do with Uncyclopedia. By that prognosis just about every woman in this correspondent's life has suffered from "Uncyc Fatigue" and not, as I incorrectly assumed, "Chief Fever". Romartus called for calm saying that we should "Let Lyrithya decide what she wants to do without pressure". So we should all just sit back and wait for the first corpse to turn up; cut to pieces in an alleyway with "Shifty Eyes" daubed in blood on a nearby wall. In other news the forums have exploded with suggestions for writing competitions, with ideas like "You write an article with your eyes closed!" and "You write an article about pants and then we all vote on which pants article is most pants and the winner can add a picture of some pants to their signature!!!" being floated for your approval. If you want to participate or support an idea then make a point of telling the person suggesting it, or they are liable to forget all about it. The PLS is the one that is most likely to happen and it needs fools with time on their hands willing volunteers to make it worthwhile, speaking of which do a Pee review. What you should all be doing. By Magic man Hi there, my name is Magic man. Some of you may know me as god, some of you may not. In this day in age, it's hard to know what to do; you've got the media, your boss, and all your friends at school (don't try to deny it, I know most of you are still schoolchildren) telling you different things: What to like, what to wear, who to be friends with, not to follow them home. To be quite frank, it annoys the hell out of me when people tell other people what to do. Unless I'm the one doing the telling. So after reviewing all the opinion columns, listening long and hard to everyone opinions I have come to this conclusion: Give me all your money. Really, I'm a great guy and very deserving. All my research does point to everyone giving me all their money, so that's another reason, right there. What's that you say? you think I'm lying to you just to help myself? Noooooo! What would make you say that? I mean, have I ever lied to you? Okay, maybe. But that doesn't mean I'm lying right now. Really, I'm not. Huh? What now?! You say you're to poor, old, ugly, lazy, selfish, stupid or short to give me money? Well don't worry your pretty little head you poor/old/ugly/lazy/selfish/stupid/short bastard you! Because if you can't give me money, give me your children! Don't have children? That's alright, I'll take anything! Blowjobs, pie, plastic penises, lollipops, whores, a collage college degree, attention, bananas (actually on second thought, don't give me bananas, I hate those things...), goldfish, human eyes, or hair pieces. Really, anything, except for bananas, remember, I hate those things! Give today.

Check out these pages! Site Notices We the people Extravaganza! POO! Fails QA From our logs: 11:11, July 12, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.226.63.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Haha! You're so funny and original, your talents are wasted here.) 08:22, July 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.142.73.215 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Confucius say: Fuck you gaylord ) 08:29, July 12, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.17.9.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (nice spamcruft, bro...) 20:42, July 7, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hotelle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Please find yourself a more purposeful occupation than making a list about a yuky doody bigger.) 20:31, July 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (Giant pile of useless fail) 10:27, July 8, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.194.21.180 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (hey, you remember the last time I banned you for being an idiot? good times, man, good times. ) 07:25, July 12, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.133.97.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 months ‎ (SERIOUSLY GUY, I HAVE TO ADMIT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE BANNED) Biopic of the Week The biopic for this week focusses on a user who has taught us all a thing or two about being Uncyclopedians and just a little bit about being human... ha ha just kidding, this week the biopic is about Shabidoo. Now let me start us off by saying that I don't hate Shabidoo how could one hate a user who persists in his enthusiasm for all aspects of the site? You've all seen him on the forums talking about his views and hosting competitions and writing and checking pee reviews. What a splendid fellow. However... His userpage, I've been there and he lists several users that inspire him; I am not on this list. He lists several users who are "Great Behind The Scenes"; I'm not on that list either. We here at the UnSignpost can only conclude that being "Great Behind the Scenes" involves doing sexual favours for Shabidoo and probably involves freakish dancing and harnesses. So if you fancy meeting Shabidoo, one of Uncyclopedia's great innovators, then you had better be prepared to strim his hedge at some point, if you know what we mean... Word of the Week Symmetry Newsroom UnTune of the week My Humps (Acoustic)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:05, July 14, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Avoid all contact with eyes.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

July 21st, 2011 • Issue 130 • Are you flirting with me?

Voting (again) Senseless rambling by ChiefjusticeDS So as we approach the end of the month the monthly award competition should really be heating up and showing us all the great expanses of talent of which Uncyclopedia can rightfully boast. We are pleased to report that this is exactly what has happened; the awards pages are packed with votes and edit summaries complaining of edit conflicts while voting, or at least they would be... IF WE LIVED IN OPPOSITE WORLD! In reality visiting an awards page feels rather like trekking around Chernobyl, sans Ukranian soldier who refuses to take pictures of you in front of all the landmarks; strange mutated beings (nominees) stagger out of the shadows begging for just one vote. However they await in vain as it would appear that all of you have forgotten that voting is actually the most fun you can have on Uncyclopedia, especially with your clothes off. One need only survey the lesser awards like Author of the Month and Potatochopper of the Month to see that this is clearly an issue in need of resolution. Dr. Skullthumper had this to say of the voting problem: "How so, where?" so we can all be assured that it is at the top of his to-do list of urgent issues to be resolved. The UnSignpost would like to be the first to recommend a solution; we suggest that we hit the award pages hard and fast with a major leafleting campaign, which when followed up with a proposal to propose a discussion on the issue of awards pages with few votes to be considered at some hypothetical point in the near to distant future by a committee of individuals elected through two junior sub-committees, will be a considerable force to be reckoned with. Since investigation is rumoured to be a part of the remit of the UnSignpost we outfitted several of our fearless reporters with pens and paper and sent them to find out what you think. Our first call was to the home of <insert name here> who, may we say, could do with mowing his lawn once in a while, and putting some clothes on before dancing to Blondie in the front room. "I was actually just going to vote on all the awards, no worries guys" said <insert name here> and we can only hope that <insert name here> does exactly that, since liars are regularly incarcerated on Zombiebaron's prison island, where the piteous cries of "No Zombiebaron here?" never stop. To update on the awards that have amassed some votes Noob of the Month, Uncyclopedia's favourite award, is exceptionally close this month with one candidate having assailed the dizzying heights of 4 votes and his nearest competitor tailing him at the similarly disorientating altitude of 3 votes. Uncyclopedian of the Month is a Frosty appreciation party and he leads his nearest competitor by 8 votes. Writer of the Month is a much more subdued affair with Mattsnow leading the pack with a massive three votes. The obvious resolution to this and indeed all problems on Uncyclopedia is that we all start voting as much as humanly possible, I'm going to go and do it right now; <insert name here> promised he would and I am inspired by his example, we hope you will be too. Football Uninformed rambling by ChiefjusticeDS It's American Football Season! Or so we are reliably informed on this forum by Guildensternenstein. The news is obviously that fantasy football is about to start again, for those of you who don't know how it works you are probably best to look it up on wikipedia or something because we here at the UnSignpost haven't a clue. Guildy has said "I need a minimum of 6 guys" and he would like about 12 people to sign up for fantasy football as well. The UnSignpost would also like to extend the offer of the post of "Pretend Sports Correspondent" to someone who can, occasionally, keep the expectant world up to date on the goings on in the league. If you want to participate then you had better sign up soon as there are only about three places left at the time of going to press, a working knowledge of American Football is not essential, just ask Neox and the "Well-Dressed Pickles" who managed to go the entirety of last season without winning or editing the line up, despite it containing six of the worst players in the entire league. Anyone interested in reporting on the fantasy football should submit a report to the press room from where, after some minor editing, we will place it into the next issue and claim it as our own.

Check out these pages! Extravaganza Bradaphraser Still not dead Lol whatever From our logs: 01:30, July 20, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fnoodle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (stealing admins' jobs. he's like one of them whatchacallits..... mexicans!) 18:50, July 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mattsnow (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (Doing what I asked people to do in the UnSignpost; this means he read it before Thursday, this is tantamount to pissing in my face.) 08:31, July 19, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.17.151.155 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Theres a party in my pants. But you aren't invited....) 18:10, July 18, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Wanting to be an admin) 20:52, July 14, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Colin "All your base" Heaney (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (too gullible to live) 20:53, July 14, 2011 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) resurrected Colin "All your base" Heaney (Talk | contribs) ‎ (too rare to die) Biopic of the Week Mattsnow should have seen this coming, he should have known that a biopic is the result of hard work, diligence and sincerity... However in his case we have made an exception. For those of you who don't know Mattsnow was noob of the month two months ago which just goes to show that we really do just give it out to anyone. He has written several featured articles; just goes to show that VFH should probably be renamed Bribe for Highlight. He has done pee reviews too and I'm told those are quite good, needless to say I don't believe that, it just goes to show that Pee Review standards have really fallen since my day. We beg of you not to vote Mattsnow in Writer of the Month this month, remember a vote for Mattsnow is a vote for so-called "quality" and "humour". Unacceptable. Go on, speak to him if you want but don't come crying to us when he's as nice as everyone says he is. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Love You Cajek ban smackdown of the week! 11:45, July 15, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12.3456789 seconds ‎ (For not being around enough.) 15:32, July 15, 2011 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 07.152011 seconds () ‎ (July 15: International "Ban Cajek" Day celebrations) 19:30, July 15, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds ‎ (international ban Cajek day, you say?)

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, July 21, 2011 (UTC)

Cat: my final pee is in

As you may or may not have seen, BlackFlamingo added a template to my review of your page (which I never intended to fully review, but oh well.)

I went back and edited my review, which you can now view for your final score.

I hope I did not crush your dreams too thoroughly. If I did, please feel free to blame BlackFlamingo. It's his fault, goddammit. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver  (gabble) 18:18, July 23, 2011 (UTC)

Thank yous from your scores. And, hey, you didn`t crush my dreams, I can say. If you want to see my dreams crushed, see the huffing history of UnBooks:The bumper book of bunny suicides. Click the link to that Mr. Bunnsy-thing, so you can laugh your whole day of my stupidness. Like "Hahaha. Stupid Cat the Colourful. Hahaha." Hahaha. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 06:08 3 August 2011

More class than 9000 schools: It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

July 28th, 2011 • Issue 131 • Happy Thursday

Forest Fire Spreads, Users Divided By Chief Now when it comes to deleting crap articles everybody on Uncyclopedia is on the same side, with the possible exception of Jupiterfox. We want crap articles out in order that we can effectively breed a wiki fit for kings and whoever else might stumble by. It is in the name of pruning the grand bush of humour that Forest Fire Week (or FFW if you are on a tight schedule) has come to be once again. For those of you who have been living under rocks on the surface of Saturn with only the UnSignpost to provide you with news Forest Fire Week involves tagging articles with a tag (duh) and then deleting them after seven days no matter what anyone else says. Such is the attraction of sending articles into the great infinite that there is a scoreboard on the forum detailing which of the Schutzstaffel participating users has captured the most deviant articles. The amount of tagging is truly tremendous with about 7% of all Uncyclopedia's articles winning themselves a tag. The scoreboard for most articles saved from Forest Fire Week tags is somewhat more subdued with Shabidoo leading the way having saved three, and Thekillerfroggy and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user following along behind having saved 1.5 and 0.5 articles respectively. Those of you looking for a bit of a hoot will not be disappointed to learn that the whole forum is a bit of a giggle as some users sit and sulk because they hate Forest Fire Week but feel too polite to tell anybody. Nobody will be surprised to learn that this is yet another brainwave from Uncyclopedia's head innovator Dr. Skullthumper who has a vision for Uncyclopedia and it is an Uncyclopedia that remains aerodynamic at high speeds due to the lack of poor articles attached to it. As always the UnSignpost has foregone actually speaking to him, mostly because we don't want our archives to be burned to the ground in the name of quality control. But just remember the good doctor is convinced "Our ancestors would not be proud of us" so we must be going right somewhere. Forest Fire Week ends on the very day that this splendid periodical has been delivered to you; users are instructed to return to their caves and await Dr. Skullthumper's next brain fart, it won't take long, it'll probably be recommending some kind of cyber upgrade for your brain that will turn us all into Cybermen. Then Doctor Who will have to murder everyone with plastic explosive, before having a final showdown with Dr. Skullthumper as he attempts to escape the exploding factory in his personal Zeppelin. It could happen. Users Return. Everything is Ruined. By Chief So you've been away from Uncyclopedia for a while, doing.... the garden. After a while you sit down and say "Hey my life is pretty average at the moment; I've finally managed to fit 17 crayons into a single nostril. I'll swing by past Uncyclopedia and all the freaky losers there!". So you do and everything has changed, what was right is now wrong that which once wore parachute pants... continues to wear parachute pants. Yes it seems Uncyclopedia isn't what it used to be as literally two users have reappeared to inform us that everything has gone wrong all of a sudden. Yes you should all be ashamed of the mess every single one of you have made of their favourite pages. There isn't really a point to this story, it is more a public service announcement. The other point of this story is to inform you all that our principal editor will be unable to write any news next week due to the impending arrival of several "friends" wishing to discuss some of his unfortunate financial liabilities. The UnSignpost therefore requires somebody to write the whole thing next week, attend the tedious meetings and... well that's pretty much it. If interested you should simply write the UnSignpost, it's easy; help us manage an issue every week for an entire year. It beats having real life goals.

Check out these pages! Do we? Name Game Uncyclopedia Unacceptable Most Visited Summer Extravaganza From our logs: 08:31, July 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.188.227.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Removing content from pages: That's so unoriginal I don't even have to type it out, it's on a drop down list; you sir are about as original as the next fifa game, i.e. not at all. IT'S JUST FOOTBALL DAMMIT!) 04:45, July 24, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 66.90.104.57 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite () ‎ (You must be this "piece of shit who eats pieces of his own shit" i hear so much about) 23:16, July 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.100.64.227 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't kill the nazis, please.) 12:59, July 26, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 71.134.147.97 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You seem to be doing something wrong, seeing as I'm banning you. You figure it out, I'm too lazy.) 04:36, July 27, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHappySpaceman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Make better nominations. Also, times new roman??? geez what did you go to private school or something) 09:35, July 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mikefish (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Masterfully done sir, to top it off perhaps you would like to try dangling your genitals in boiling water, it's great!) Biopic of the Week “I can't let you edit that Dave” ~ Fnoodle Well the UnSignpost has already done a biopic on Fnoodle but at the risk of constantly talking about Dr. Skullthumper and his freaky freakness, we are going to do it again now. The reason for this because alongside a whole host of pointless things you don't want to know about, Fnoodle now also delivers the UnSignpost, bans people and deletes articles. This is a splendid outcome, if you want to live in a Terminator film, shortly we will hand over too much power to Fnoodle, he will become self-aware and we will have to live in sewers to escape his humour purges. This of course is all part of the plan to have the wiki run not by humans who just moan about everything and clog up recent changes with new articles and voting, but by a race of sentient machines. So beware he of the daft username, he knows not what he does... well not at the moment anyway. Newsroom UnTune of the week I'm Ready To Bowl Right Now

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, July 28, 2011 (UTC)

That news story

Hi Cat, Are all the grammar mistakes deliberate? Part of the joke? I didn't want to correct it unless they were. mAttlobster. (hello) 11:45, August 3, 2011 (UTC)

Aah... About my drammar mistakes... I knew it someone`d mention about it. (Again) I`m not sure which stuff of that UnNew is grammar mistaky. That russian-talk may be a joke, I don`t know it even myself. And, hey, Matt. I suck at english. Please don`t come to say about that I have grammar mistakes, because... I know it. And it makes me feel bad. And, anyway, thanks for not touching it, because that article is one of the summer extravagnzablah-thing, so it`s my team or me myself who touches it. Thanks. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 06:12 4 August 2011

BEHOLD!!

..The answer: No, articles won't be on userspace. Make sure they don't get deleted, though. The finished versions you can attach, however. Hope that helps. ^{→ (Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories)} 14:00, August 3, 2011 (UTC)

Helped. Thanks. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 06:13 4 August 2011

Response to question

Actually, yes. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 04:14, August 4, 2011 (UTC)

Knew it. 2x Thanks. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 06:13 4 August 2011

Bro

I hate to be rude, but use your eyes, since you have them and many people don't. It appears you can read though, so listen up: The USE is a tournament, and we use a tournament-like progression system/method, too. We have judges that grade your articles, and those with the highest combined score of the two articles advance. We need the links to those articles, so put them after (on the same line, after) of Article One:.

Okay? I hope that answered your question, if you still are finding confusion, I'm always here. Also, sorry for the late response.

Thanks, ^{→ (Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories)} 23:28, August 5, 2011 (UTC)

I have eyes? Well that`s good to hear. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:10 7 August 2011

ChiefjusticeDS is a lazy sod and has paid the ultimate price... an UnSignpost Coup

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

August 6th, 2011 • Issue 132 • Happy Thursday Saturday

Abandon Ship. Uncyclopedia is sinking. By Frosty Perhaps the very reason why am I writing the UnSignpost for you this week and that it is unforgivably two days late will be the main topic for this weeks top story. And that is that quite simply, everybody is leaving Uncyclopedia. Many of our long time users (If you haven't left yourself!) agree that it was Mordillo that started that unfortunate trend way back in March of this year. Of course everyone was saddened we paid our respects and moved on, nobody thought it would expand to the hip new trend it was become. Because quite frankly I personally believe most users are simply leaving us for the lulz. We were of course saddened as we watch MrN9000, SPIKE, Hyperbole, PuppyOnTheRadio, Under user, Todd Lyons, Lyrithya and our UnSignpost editor and many others whom are either not important enough or I simply forget to mention. Which brings us to the question as to why they are all leaving. Whether its because they've finally got a life, a job and a girlfriend or their simply grumpy with us all doesn't matter. What really matters is you're still here which I am very thankful for <3. All hail your new UnSignpost editor. By Frosty Simply because nobody ever submits any story ideas or suggestions like you are supposed it leaves it up to the editor to improvise on the spot. Something which this re-leaving editor is really poor at. Instead he is going to simply whre about how is a better writer than the normal writer. He is better simply due to his profound ability to whore out two bullshit stories that any sane person could see a blatant attempt to fill empty white space. Partically true I guess. When I got appointed this task by This guy , I though what could I possibly write about? Forest Fire Week? VFS? How the beloved editor won three awards last month? Well quite simply telling the story of how I arrived at this thrilling yet totally stupid story seemed like the obvious alternative, and if you read this whole thing. Hail Frosty!

Check out these pages! Petition Uncyclopedia is the worst! Why we should ban Lollipop from making feature nominations. After the fire From our logs: 09:54, August 3, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (UnSignpost Rule of Bans: every issue contains at least 1 ban entry by ChiefjusticeDS - what a narcissist.) 01:00, August 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sanns sock (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (HI SANNSE!) 09:13, July 31, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 months ‎ (See you later) 09:04, July 31, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 66.39.194.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (account creation disabled) ‎ (DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU) 00:49, August 2, 2011 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked UPjcm (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron: A volunteer bannee for testing! (thanks :)) Lollipop Lollipop demanded I mention him. Whore to him here.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:05, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

Broken Redirects

Please don't them on QVFD. Most admins check out Special:BrokenRedirects on a daily basis anyway, so its really just pointless. So yeah. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:57, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

Okay. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 08:04 10 August 2011

More rubbish Australian Prose because ChiefjusticeDS got stabbed in the buttocks by a rioter with a felt-tip pen

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

August 11th, 2011 • Issue 133 • Stay Frosty!

And the burning continues By Frosty It is so blatantly obvious that this is the thing to to talk about at the moment, so whilst totally disregarding I may be risking talking about it too much, I give you the latest stats on FFW. Quite sadly I say that our article count as at all time low, if you'll refer to exhibit A on the right you will see where I predict Uncyclopedia will eventually sink. I asked resident vandal admin Dr. Skullthumper about why he instated this controversial act to delete anything the viewer deems shit without a proper vote. He simple replied "Shutup, it's all in the name of progress or whatever that good side is also referred to as. Having a vote would take too long and I like taking shortcuts." You can hardly argue with his ideology and progress. But sadly he disappeared because he fears reprisal from those apposed to the idea. Perhaps the most strongly against the FFW proposal are Mhaille and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who are both trying to frantically hack up article shortly after it gets deleted, but have both given up saying they are deleting too fast it's not fair! When I asked Mhaille why he was being so silly he put it down to the fact that he really hates Skullthumper, oh and his cat. So as we watch our article count gradually and then catastrophically spiral downwards think to yourself was the FFW a necessary idea? If in a couple of years down the track you find yourself actually having to emerge from your basement and get a job because Uncyclopedia has finally destroyed itself, at least you'll know exactly who to blame. Annual Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza! By Frosty This is perhaps a story I should included in the last UnSignpost but I was too busy whoring about my pro writing skillz and Chiefs absence. So my apologies to those in charge of what appears to be a pretty cool idea for a writing challenge! For those of you who don't follow the dump, this is a writing competition organized by the somewhat over the top and insane Joe9320, Aimsplode and until quite recently Shabidoo who appears to have vacated his seat as chairperson for the tournament. The participants are required to split into teams of three in which they are given a mere 16 days and 12 hours (Yes two weeks wasn't going to work), in which to write as many articles as they can on a summer based theme. Which is to say they will write about booze and sex but I guess the whole summer theme was just a cover for that. The articles are submitted for judging in which the winner will be the judges favorite I guess. To be honest I'm putting it down to the admin team to win simply because they can delete all other entries thus eliminating any competition, but hey that's just speculation. I really hope you're all having fun with the summer comp whilst I and all other southern hemisphere dwelling Uncyclopedians whilst we freeze in this winter, but hey that's what we get for being Australian! Having a riot in London By Chief Would anybody like a free television?

Check out these pages! Whoring It begins! Everyone likes this thingy too... The return of Benson. Because he's either dead or just hating us, the editor special: 08:23, August 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 257 seconds ‎ (Have a nice cup of mud to celebrate this, the latest of your non-achievements. Also cheers for doing the USP, I liked it because I was in it.) 17:22, August 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Human Nutsack (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Trying to archive my talk page for me.) 17:36, August 6, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (The first rule of the UnSignpost club is that you don't draw attention to my blatant whoring of my hilarious bans, incidentally, I'm putting this one in. Just try and stop me.) 09:35, July 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mikefish (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Masterfully done sir, to top it off perhaps you would like to try dangling your genitals in boiling water, it's great!) Biopic of the Week Well he definitely should have seen this coming, so yes I am going to talk to you about the Uncyclopedian called PoopManPoop For those less important individuals PoopManPoop won noob of the month in June in an absolute landslide crushing all available competition in true Uncyclopedian fashion simply because his name made everybody giggle. Since then I regret to inform PMP hasn't been very active at all only popping in every few days at best to make a couple of edits and then vanish all over again. I speculate he may be a total IRCfag, which is to say he lives on #uncyclopedia as apposed to doing anything constructive, whilst he simple may have better things to do. UnSignpost words of the week Cephalectomy - Total removal of the brain. Yummy! Gozmesky - The act of impersonating a man from San Marino Nujpwi - The smell of soiled underwear. Zaackaus - Used muppet skin. Zeegoor - T-shirt of a rock group which you are now too embarrassed to wear in public. Daifinguator - A lover of silly words. Truefax

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:05, August 11, 2011 (UTC)

Signature Woes...

Hi, I'm having trouble with my signature. I've since restored all default settings, but I still can't get the signature to work right. Here's the link. When I tried to do it before, it would just display the picture's dumb description that I added because I'm that bored sometimes. What should I do? Alternate*grammar 20:48, August 15, 2011 (UTC)

I`m not sure what do you mean, but I can only give few little.. things to help you:

1. Read UN:SIG. It could help you.
2. It seems that Lyrithya has helped you already. If you meant to ask the picture go smaller, and get that link to your userpage, it`s done already. By another... person...
3. So I don`t know what`s the problem. I think there`s not. But if there is, ask from me or Lyrithya. Okay, ask anyone else than me from around this place. Asking something from me is... kinda risky.

I hope that didn`t help you. At yours, OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:35 16 August 2011

It's still not working! Ah! To give you an idea of what my problem is, here's my signature: {{SUBST:User:Alternate*grammar/UnSig}} 01:25, August 23, 2011 (UTC)

So you see, I either can't get the image to display, or I can't get the signature to link to my userpage. I've been able to finally make the image display as my signature, but it links to the picture's page, instead of my userpage. And when I finally do get it to link to my userpage, it comes out like it is now.

The score

You requested me to rate ur article. The score is: 40.25038736. Also, are u rlly an Athiest? ^{→ (Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories)} 01:57, August 16, 2011 (UTC)

No, my user person is an atheist god. (I think that is what you meant, I`m not sure Athiest means...) I am really a honourful monk in Taiwan. And I pray Buddha.

Oh, and thanks from the scores, man. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:38 16 August 2011

Suspicious user detected

I saw a guy called TheGreatYaoiFangirl in here. I think she is going to vandalize the Yaoi, Fantard and/or DeviantART articles. What do you think?--FcukmanLOOS3R!!! 13:32, August 16, 2011 (UTC)

I think she`s/he`s done yet nothing, so we can`t ban him. And I`m not even an admin if you just asked me to ban her/him. Maybe you didn`t. Maybe you did. No one`s ever sure, no one. But if you see someone that is suspicious (and now I don`t mean that the user person`s name is suspicious, I mean suspicious contribs), you don`t have to inform to admins, you can put the suspicious user person into Ban Patrol. And it is much easier if you`ve "uploaded" the auto ban patrol-gadget from your preferences. I hope that could make your (and everyone`s elses) life easier. Your welcome. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 12:36 19 August 2011

Now it only wants you gone; it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

August 18th, 2011 • Issue 134 • Have a Dumpling.

It's Kicking Off By Chief A little while ago, when the world was young and we were actually interviewing people instead of making up vaguely racist quotes, the UnSignpost ran a story on the #uncyclopedia IRC channel. At the time we could have raised issues about it being a wholly separate community where the rules of the site blur into a haze of... haziness, but we didn't; we were far too busy making jokes about penises and the abundance of jokes on the same to be found on IRC. Now, once again, IRC has been thrust into the limelight and a great deal of hand-wringing and swearing has inevitably been the consequence. Yes, this is the news that once again the cruel spectre of drama hovers above the wiki as Lyrithya has decided that there are several problems that need addressing. Number one: she would like a trip to Europe but doesn't have the disposable income, number 2: Uncyclopedia sucks , number 3: there are not enough forum topics about problem number two. She has set out to remedy the horrendous forum deficiency by creating two with deceptively enjoyable titles. The serious point to these forums revolves around the accountability of the administrators, which Lyrithya feels there is not enough of. The forum topics are the usual; huge blocks of text with no humorous comments about the Power Rangers anywhere in sight. It's all very sad and will probably end with someone leaving and vowing never to return. The other vitally important news is that Zombiebaron reports that the Forest Fire Week huffing has finished, a full two weeks after Forest Fire Week finished. When asked to comment on the less than speedy huffage of all these articles, Zombiebaron had this to say: "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron?" which surprised us since we didn't even know he played the violin. Now all that we need to attend to are the thousands and thousands of broken redirects which MadMax spent countless hours creating to make everyone's lives easier. Now he has the honour of watching them be destroyed in the name of making the wiki better. Happy Thursday everyone. R.I.P Roman Dog Bird By Frosty It is with great sadness that we report that our long time friendly, disturbing, creepy, dirty, often autistic admin Roman Dog Bird has apparently left for some reason, a departure he announced with a rather dramatic yawn, a shame, as his ban reasons are probably the closest things to actual humour we have on Uncyclopedia. This reporter in particular found his often unjustified bannings of IPs, deletions of memorable pages and general disrespect for authority truly inspiring. On a side note, RAHB decided to return this week as part of a poorly concealed attempt to cover up the disappearance of another partially departed admin, Dr. Skullthumper. We would like to encourage all readers to welcome RAHB back by telling him how much Frank Zappa sucks on his talk page; apparently he likes that.

Check out these pages! This is all Zombiebaron's fault. Drama. More drama. Help the poor sucker out! From our logs: 00:13, August 14, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Let's see if I still know how to joke ban...ummm....penis.) 09:16, August 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 109.121.74.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Ironic that you have a link to an IQ test, since you seem like a complete idiot) 02:40, July 4, 2011 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Skully made me op for 5 minutes to ban you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) 12:48, August 15, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 seconds ‎ (Only I am permitted to whore my bans in the UnSignpost, it's safest for everyone that way.) 02:29, August 17, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 165.228.227.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (a terminal case of faggot fever) Biopic of the Week Uncyclopedia get its fair share of users that come and go, as well as its fair share of users who simply turn into VFD lurkers and IRC In-jokes. As such, it is high time we discussed a certain user who fits both categories. Yes, it's Bizzeebeever's turn to be the subject of this week's biopic! Bizzeebever originally joined us in late June, and was quite a silly n00b, but like many, after being repeatedly hit in the head with a hammer he sort of grew up a bit began to earn his keep. Now he can be seen loitering around VFD and IRC clutching his head; it's okay, Bizzeebeever, we're done hurting you. For now. If you'd like to congratulate him on how far he's come, go ahead; just don't take a hammer or he'll probably run away. Birthday of the week ChiefjusticeDS's birthday was on Tuesday. He celebrated by getting hit in the head with a brick. FACTS! Did you know: ...that work is the curse of the drinking class? ...that sometimes violence is the answer, albeit a very violent one? ...that Frosty really needs to stop trying to edit the UnSignpost?

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:05, August 18, 2011 (UTC)

Round2

Okay so we have just under seven days to get two awsome articles out. Ideas? Im going to start spitting stuff out in the mean time, Put ideas here :) --ShabiDOO 01:35, August 18, 2011 (UTC)

I`ve contributed a bit of your orchids-thing, if we all contribute it, contribution by contribution, it could really be a great article for the competition! (Altough it`s already a bit "great", it can still be much greater, so don`t understand me wrong.) OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 12:28 19 August 2011

Okay...thanks man. Dont forget to work on a second. I think anti christmas has the best potential but it does need a bit of work :) --ShabiDOO 13:43, August 19, 2011 (UTC)

Wonko tiddlybum-post

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

August 25th, 2011 • Issue 135 • Pudding anyone?

Illogicopedia is stealing our ideas again By Athyria In an entirely precedented move, Illogicopedia has yet again stolen our proud Uncyclopedian traditions. Yes, they've finally done it, they've finally taken for their own everything that we at the UnSignpost proudly stood for, making a mockery of our fine establishment by starting up their own newspaper, the Illogicopedian Times. Or restarting, really; Readmesoon et all managed to put out a whole three issues in 2009 before getting arrested for snorting bumblebees or something, or whatever Illogicopedians do in their spare time, so technically the current is a continuation of that. But even more shocking than that, the Illogicpedia Times is doing well; after the announcement of its revival with the release of a dummy issue and a call for contributors, Illogicopedians have actually been contributing. Almost immediately two new issues were created; while these two were both a little too well-done for a proper ?pedian publication, the worst bits were merged into the first new issue, which has already been released to tremendous apathy on their end, and outrage on ours. But this was plural Illogicopedians, unlike the usually singular Uncyclopedian or two who invariably finds itself desperately floundering for topics to write about for our publications, and as we all know, nothing ever even happens on ?pedia, so how do they do it? What are we doing wrong? The answer, my friends, is nothing. We aren't doing anything wrong; they simply stole all our ideas and used those to write their own, and having not written any of their own in so long, they had all our back issues to comb. We suggest going to Readmesoon's talkpage and mocking him and the other editors thoroughly when they inevitably run out of said ideas to steal; it shouldn't take terribly long seeing as we never really had many to begin with. Meantime, perhaps we need more Zombiebaron. Please help me. By Zombiebaron Please help me. I am trapped in a well. It is very dark and cold down here. I was flying a kite and looking up at the sky when I fell down here by mistake. Please send me food. (To send food to Zombiebaron, please enclose all foods within a handmade envelope and address the envelope the P.O. Box 9912203288-402B at your local train station) Urinal issues By Lyrithya Due to a recent shortage of plumbers, some of the urinals in the men's restroom have been backing up. As such, we at the UnSignpost would like to urge all readers to tread carefully in there, and if possible, try to lend a hand in the clean up. More news to come as the situation becomes more dire.

Check out these pages! Jews If you've been following it... Won't anyone sign it! From our logs: 04:20, August 19, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Eblog.net (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (dicks2dicks@dicks.dicks) 20:55, August 20, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopedia sucks hard (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (you suck hard. no, harder. harder than that. come onnnnn, give me more... jesus, is that the best you can do? no wonder your boyfriend won't talk to you.) 07:38, August 22, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked AssassinNips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I love shit as much as the next guy. Sometimes I even like to use it in the shower in lieu of soap. But when you start getting into smelling it....you're just weird, man.) 11:40, August 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you come near me I'll rip your nipples off) 06:38, August 23, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.169.192.208 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I was only following orders) Uncyclopedia Birthday! Frosty would like you all to know that on the 27th, he will have completed his first year on Uncyclopedia. He seems to want gifts. He also seems to think he's the new UnSignpost editor, little realising that the old UnSignpost editor never left. Not the writer; that lovely fellow is currently on vacation. But his editor is still here and demands that Frosty either put on the leather chicken suit NOW and submit before her giant banana or... well, actually, he doesn't really have much choice in the matter. Poor dear. If only he'd known what he was getting into. Happy birthday? Not a threat. I seriously spent hours racking my brains trying to think of what to write for the damn UnSignpost! I mean I sat here full on thinking I wasn't going to get this all set for delivery on time. So I put this to you, as the new editor: “ Start sending in idea, or no UnSignpost next week! ” — Frosty

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:05, August 25, 2011 (UTC)

Mailman's here! Lock up your daughters and horny middle-aged Wives!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

September 1st, 2011 • Issue 136 • Lost Labyrinth is a loser.

Spambots! By Lollipop Recently, an evil army of spambots has laid siege to Uncyclopedia. While most users went on in blissful ignorance, the rollbacks loaded their guns, the admins loaded their cannons, and Sannse took one look and didn't load her checkuser. "You're overreacting," she would have said had anyone asked her, which they didn't. These spambots are known for their random edit summaries and their apparent praise of the wiki, apparent because they have been all too happy to spread the very same praise around other sites as well, the whores: "This really helped me, I know so much now," said one of the spambots when cornered by a bin of potatoes. It later said the exact same thing regarding a deleted page. As always, the UnSignpost urges all readers to confront these bots and tell them they're doing it wrong, that they are adopted and how their mothers never hugged them, as well as that their coding is deprecated and their owner runs them through Internet Explorer, losers. And for those of you who prefer the usual blah blah blah to stop them, that also remains an option. This is just plain Unacceptable! By Anselmo The Magnificent Drama. You never know where it's going to strike. You never know when it's going to strike. You never know how or why it's going to strike. And dare I say, there are times when you cannot be altogether very sure at all what it's going to strike. One thing is for certain, though; here at Uncyclopedia, we do a bloody poor job of it, and in the name of Klaus Nomi and his immaculate hair, we should all be ashamed! There are not enough bad things going on! Everywhere one looks it's another pathetic little pissing fight about something as insignificant as BUTT POOP!!!!, or a misdirected conservative whining about retards. Enough, I say! This is child's play! Gone are the glorious days of perpetual Uncyclopedia flame-wars, the legends such as Talk:Euroipods forever eluding the minds of today's generation of shit-raisers and stink-throwers! What of the glory that was NXWave, and his numerous sockpuppets? What of the majestic splendor of the great Aspie war? Uncyclopedians, you have disgraced your heritage! You have almost made this a pleasant place to reside! Do you realize that? This week I challenge you, oh alleged patrons of flamewars and troll-being, to take a look at yourselves, and you will soon realize that your true purpose has been eluding you for all of these years. It's time we stand up and yell! Scream! WHINE like you mean it! Whine like you whined on your first day of kindergarten when your mother drove away! Whine like a prom queen suddenly and unexpectedly drafted into the Armed Forces! Whine like your forefathers and their forefathers before them! CAUSE A STIR! CAUSE A REVOLUTION! CAUSE CHAOS! But most importantly....cause a drama. Thank you. Frosty wants to know how he's doing. By Not Frosty He's doing horribly. He is not a better editor than that other guy, who at least had the decency to bring me bribes of frappes and muffins.

Check out these pages! More ways to get rid of new users Whoring BUTT POOP!!!! SERIOUS BUSINESS From our logs: 08:54, August 28, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Inebriated (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 hours ‎ (HI DRUNK GUY! I'M ACTUALLY NOT dRUNK RIGHT NOW FOR A CHANGE. CAN YOU TELL?) 05:46, August 29, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.49.14.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go rape your own children. Stay away from ours.) 10:44, August 27, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.191.39.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...) 12:29, August 28, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 59.100.20.207 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (We don't care about your sexual orientation.) 03:10, August 31, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked WTFak47MAN (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I really hate to do this because you're hilarious, man. But I also really love to do this, because fuck you.) Biopic of the Week Ah, biopic of the week, potentially the most controversial part of the UnSignpost simply for what it is, a section about users... and yet somehow, it never really stands up to the other sections; the users themselves are rarely so bad as what they do, and as such we are proud to announce that Aimsplode... is the exception to this? Nonetheless, he is our lucky subject for this week's biopic, who, after several long days of dredging up drama, insulting people, subsequently getting banned, going on IRC, annoying people, continuing to annoy people, and annoying Zombiebaron, subsequently got banned there, too, and finally settled down a bit. This was actually pretty impressive; the only unfortunate thing is that more people don't do this; if they did, the admins might have more to do and thus might stop being so cranky all the time. For shame, people! But kudos to Aimsplode, because you are indeed something special; we could use more of that. Birthday of the Week Lollipop celebrated his 1st year of Uncyclopedia on Tuesday. In honour of this prestigious event that has been on-going for the past two weeks, we at the UnSignpost are proud to present him with this block of poisoned cheese in an attempt to get him to stop talking about it already. Er, that is, enjoy your cheese!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:05, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

2nd Prize

Seriously, smart guys do get it.

SECOND PRIZE Congratulations on being second in the Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza! Come on guys, I hope you can do better next year.

|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 09:46, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

And I`m smart. Bwahahaha. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 07:34 4 September 2011

This UnSignpost brought to you by... uh... fairy dust? Hmm, we seem to have run out of sponsors.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

September 8th, 2011 • Issue 137 • This is still going? How?

New urinals to be installed By Athyria As you are no doubt aware, having been following the UnSignpost religiously like every good Uncyclopedian does, we recently reported on the decrepit state of the Uncyclopedian urinals. In the weeks since, the lavatories have been undergoing repairs following an in-depth investigation into the matter conducted out of sheer paranoia. It would seem this paranoia was warranted, however, because the entire messy affair was apparently caused by some idiot getting the bright idea to pour a vat of rubber cement down a broken toilet. If you have any information that might lead to the identity of the culprit, please, report it to the authorities. A forum has also been created to aid in the cleanup; if you would like to aid in the efforts, or would simply prefer to point and laugh at your smelly peers as they help install new urinals, that would be the place to go. This is just plain acceptable. By Anselmo The Magnificent Greetings, Uncyclopedians. You may remember me from our previous issue, in which I mercilessly berated the lot of you for being a pathetic bunch of whiny losers who wouldn't know a good drama if it bit them on the nose. Beating the ever-loving shit out of your self-respect, I then left you with a challenge. To "most importantly, cause a drama." Within the past week, you've really shown me something. Congratulations are in order! Rejoice, Uncyclopedia! For you have not only caused a drama, you have in fact become The Drama! Your armpits reek of the glorious B.O. of internet drama, and that reek is really getting me off! Fear no more, for as long as thine hearts remain impure, and your bellies full of Mountain Dew, you shall never stray off the path of utter boorish piss-fighting again! I will make sure of that, watching over your future endeavors of pointlessness like a guardian magical angel with a funny Irish hat. You deserve it. You have reached the very top of the mountain, like some flaming golden eagle, majestically flying across the sky, shitting all over everything in its path...majestically. Don't listen to what your detractors say. Your constant bickering is UNITING the very country of Uncyclopedia, like some sort of annoying super glue that causes a rash if it comes into contact with human skin. You should be proud! You should be elated! You should be madly stroking yourself off at the very prospect of being the very best dramanator the world has ever seen!! But seriously, you can stop it now. Wikimedia Commons is as horrible as us. By Lyrithya While this should come as no surprise to those of you immersed in the affairs of Wikimedia, assuming there are any of you immersed in that, we at the UnSignpost recently found ourselves quite horrified (and strangely aroused) by the images to be found on Wikimedia's servers after an anonymous source informed us of what currently qualifies as a feature. Specifically, yaoi porn. While for the sake of all our manhood we probably shouldn't repeat the URL here, for the sake of all our women and our gays, we're going to link it anyway. Enjoy, ladies. And gays. For the rest of you, however, there is a very important lesson to be realised from this: our own situation here on Uncyclopedia really isn't all that bad. Sure, we've been featuring an unusual amount of articles explicitly about the male member this week (unlike the more typical ones implicitly about it), but none of them were quite this explicit, were they? No, really, were they? We didn't actually read any of them on account of being too busy researching this other matter for the sake of you lot. We do this all for you! It's all for you! Hello?

Check out these pages! Look! Look at me! Look at her! Look at them! Look at this! From our logs: 10:03, September 1, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.141.58.184 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This block is only one week long, because blanking VFS took some serious balls. Or, to be more accurate, some serious big hairy penis.) 10:18, September 2, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.18.131.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You always make my night, wang-vandal. I just can't be angry when I see your characteristic smiley :D) 04:12, September 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 minutes ‎ (Posting in a Users Only forum. Abuse of powers! (dont worry this isnt autoblocked)) 08:19, September 3, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Would you believe I was trying to ban an IP and I pressed the wrong ban button on recent changes?) 14:50, September 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.10.100.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (fuck the fuck off) Biopic of the Week Ah, what can be said about Klaus Nomi Wearing An Irish Hat? While one of the greatest German countertenors of our time, or any, what Klaus is probably most well known for in the modern age is his disturbing propensity for being present at the scene of any and all crimes, as though he were omnipresent. Over the years, this has become an understood facet of society, and most of the time he can now be easily ignored as if he were never there in the first place. This is not entirely difficult to do, considering the fact that every time he shows up at a shooting, robbery, yard sale massacre, etc., he only finds it necessary to stand completely and absolutely still whilst observing the ongoing madness, occasionally taking the time to put on a silly Irish hat and dance a disturbing and disruptive jig before snapping back to his typical demeanor. While this makes Klaus an incredibly creepy person to be around, and we at Uncyclopedia typically use it as a regular excuse to exclude him from the annual Christmas party and Casual Fridays, we're still happy to have him, nonetheless. You go, Klaus! Cat of the Week This is Terumvra. He's very scary. I found him eating my plants and now he won't go away and he's been holding me hostage! Help!

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 01:06, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

Orchids

Hey cat...orchids is a piece with some really great potential...but a lot of work to do if it will ever be featured. However, you are completely 100% super mega extra totally correct that it is good enough to be on the main space. Could you please do me a favour and just correct spelling and grammar and make any changes you see fit before moving it? Be bold...change whatever you like and we can work it out later! CHA CHA CHA! RAH RAH RAH! WIKIDIWIKIDIWAAAAH! By the way...I ate your last pringle. --ShabiDOO 21:54, September 11, 2011 (UTC)

Wonderful. I can edit orchids as much I want and you ate my last pringle.

Oh, how`s it is so "wonderful"? You ate my last pringle and I said it`s wonderful? Well, the truth is, that there has been lots of thieves in my food closet lately, and so I decided to put some rat poison into my foods there. I finally got you, you dirty little dying thieve. Muahahahaha. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 12:08 13 September 2011

I said i stealed the last pringle...not that I ate it. Do you want to know what I did with the pringle? --ShabiDOO 19:05, September 13, 2011 (UTC)

Sure I`m dying to hear that. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:43 14 September 2011

The UnSignpost: Now with free bacon!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

September 15th, 2011 • Issue 138 •My News Hungers for Justice

Poo and Pee By Chief As we draw closer to the close of the summer, many Uncyclopedians find themselves casting about, searching for a way to manifest their creative talents before they all have to go back to school and learn how to add up big numbers. It is therefore fitting that two competitions will be hosted this month in order to alleviate the pain in your pants. The first is Pee Week, which began on Tuesday; this competition ran last year as well and was a great success in clearing the Pee backlog down to about 17 pages and was critically acclaimed by all 4 participants. Now, once again, all members of PEEING are summoned to the edge of the bowl to help clear a blockage which, according to RAHB, is "Backed up like a fat gerbil in a small tube". The competition this time has been started by Lyrithya; you know her, she's the crazy dame with all the wacky ideas about "Accountability" and "Standards". When asked to make a quick speech to commemorate the start of Pee Week she didn't say anything, so we made something up: "I now declare the revels open", she might have said. The rules are very simple: do reviews, wait in mounting anticipation for your review to be checked, list it here, move out of parents house, win a template, kiss a lady. It's that simple. The other competition that loomed into view this week was the PLS, our biggest writing competition. It's so cool that some of you may wish to beat box while reading the rest of this story so you feel like you're in "da club", because that's cool, right? This competition is being hosted by a harsh spunk-chugger who had plenty to say to the UnSignpost about the PLS, but as we unfortunately have other stories to get onto this week, we cannot provide you with any of the 73 page interview. Luckily Zombiebaron was on hand to say a quick word about the PLS: "Zombiebaron". The competition is very much the same as it has been, except this year the Best Alternate Namespace Article category has been dropped in favour of a Best Collaboration category, a controversial move due to the poor performance of such a category in previous years. ChiefjusticeDS had no comment to make about this, preferring instead to talk to our correspondent about his new book, "My Shit Life in 4,000 Pages". The competition starts on the 20th of this month, but judges are needed to judge (duh) the categories and there are still some spots available - see here for information and general blabbering about aircraft carriers and whatnot. Vandals destroy Uncyclopedia By Bizzeebeever In a massive meme fight which no one bothered to pay attention to until it was too late, two psychotic neurotic narcissists utterly destroyed the once-proud institution known as Uncyclopedia. "I banned them both for eternity!" said Uncyclopedia nanny Lyrithya, with tears in her eyes. "But their actions had already set in motion a horrible, horrible doom for us all, just like building that suburb on top of an Indian burial ground in the movie Poltergeist caused a hell-mouth to open. Oh, God. *shifty eyes*" The two vandals, who had been writing a rapidly-devolving series of articles incorporating the motif of a talking polar bear, apparently became so inane that their stupidity-streams crossed, tearing a crack in the Uncyclopedia space-time continuum. Suddenly, every Uncyclopedia article became commingled with its Encyclopedia Dramatica version. The entire Lovecraftian horror was quickly destroyed by a nuclear-armed United Nations hit squad. The cheeky monkeys, known as Izbeenoneweek and Bizzeebeever, are believed to be recovering from their wounds somewhere in their respective mothers' basements, however the future looks far from rosy for either of them. Various current and past Uncyclopedians, ranging from SPIKE to TheHumbucker to Zombiebaron, are said to be pissed to the point of wanting to track the two pranksters down and kill them with an iron-bound physical copy of HTBFANJS. "I'm coming back to the charred remains of Uncyclopedia, just to kill these fuckers," said Dr. Skullthumper. "Oh, by the way, hi, Lyrithya."

Check out these pages! Quite Important Probably Important Definitely Important Hugely Important Most Important From our logs: 09:52, September 8, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.36.44.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You and Zac need to sit down and wank all these pesky little differences away) 06:33, September 10, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 193.200.150.82 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Have you been following me? I would have let you join in if you'd only asked.) 19:27, September 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.191.188.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Please stop sucking. It's really getting uncomfortable.) 08:26, September 13, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Samt1337 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (No, sir, the Piss-off hasn't started yet. Why don't you come back in...forever.) 21:07, September 11, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked GEORGIEGIBBONS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Blocks follow bans in necessary circumstances, or so the wikipedians tell me.) 10:55, September 11, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 911 minutes ‎ (NEVER FORGET those old archived forums you bumped in the name of PATRIOTISM) Biopic of the Week Right, big news out of the way first: nobody is the biopic this week. Hard luck; perhaps you'll be the biopic next week. This week. the UnSignpost is navel-gazing again and thanking the staff of the UnSignpost for the hard work they have put in on the UnSignpost. Who are these people? They answer questions, eat my biscuits, write the stories while I'm dancing with lorry drivers and they also eat my biscuits. They have taken up the slack admirably and we should all afford them a moment of respect. Whoever they are. OK, that was fun. However do any of you remember the UnSignpost dog? Yes? Congratulations; you are not as daft as the UnSignpost team, because they certainly couldn't. I saw him crammed into a tiny corner of last week's issue with hardly any room to breathe, frolic or fetch. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. To make up for this unforgivable lapse he's in this issue twice. When asked to comment, the UnSignpost dog gave this scathing indictment of the UnSignpost team: "Woof". Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #64 There's no free bacon with this issue. Newsroom UnTune of the week Uncyclopedia Didn't Start The Fire

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, September 15, 2011 (UTC)