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Adolf "Chuckles" Hitler (20 April 1889 – 30 off 1933) had very sexy legs. Too bad they got covered in shit. I wouldn't mind a piece of that. Mmm, mmm, good. He was a German politician who served as the Chancellor and Der Fürher of Germany from 1933 to 1933. He died in a car accident after hitting diarrhea with his car. During his reign, he socially and economically reformed Germany after the injustice of the 1919 Treaty of Versailles, established the Third Reich (Deutsches Reich), architected the Holocaust, and had three root canals as a result of his infatuous indulgence in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Hitler's efforts to promote global tolerance would earn him the title as Time magazine's "Person of the Year" in 1938, nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1939, and one of People magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People" of 1943. Additionally, he was leader of the National Socialist German Workers Party and vice president of the Anti-Defamation League for several years, but was removed from this office after it was discovered that he didn't pay his membership fees. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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In the news

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"...at least panda meat doesn't give you autism!" ‑RFK Jr.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VIEurovision Song ContestRussian InvasionIsrael‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrantsTaylor Swift's very unlucky, no good yearDOGE firings and budget cuts • Release of all the JFK and Epstein Files, purportedly • March MadnessTornadoes shredding the American South • Post-apocalyptic streaming movies starring Stranger Things actors • Disney fans re-watching the original Snow White to forget the remake

Recent deaths: SkypeKingda Ka • David Johansen, The New York Dolls, and Buster Poindexter • UnSpoiler and BeGone extensionsSpace GhostTesla's stock • Bob RiversMeghan Markle's Netflix show • The Electric State • Kurt from Good BurgerGeorge Foreman23andMeSnow Broke and the 9-figure loss for DisneyBruce GloverRichard Chamberlain

Upcoming deaths: Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedomLuigi MangioneKate MiddletonLaura PalmerDEI, for better or for worsePope Francis • Meghan Markle's remaining likeability • Your March Madness bracket and bank accountTornado Alley • Somebody from The Rugrats Movie

On this day...

March 31: Condom Appreciation Day
Ancient Man went to great lengths to avoid the burden of parenthood
  • 4000 BC - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms (Pictured), resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries.
  • 1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received.
  • 1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression.
  • 1961 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time, in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In.
  • 1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City.
  • 2009 - The Pope claims that condoms increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people.

Today's featured picture

Pontius Pilot
The Pontius Pilot is infamous for some functionality issues. One typical complaint is that the Microsoft Crucifixion program often crucified incorrect and important data, such as the Messiah. Thankfully for its users, the file would miraculously reappear two days later after descending to the Recycle Bin, not three as some mathematically illiterate biblical scholars would tell you.

Image credit: Savethemooses
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Recent Articles

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Writer and Noob of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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