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Biffy Clyro is a Scottish rock band from Scotland. As well as being Scottish, nobody outside of the rainy isles has heard of them. The band is composed of one Scottish guy, and two other Scottish guys who are for some reason twins, even though they look nothing alike. During concerts, the trio are joined by musicians Mike Vennart and Dick "99% of Gamblers Quit Before They Win it Big" Ingram. Currently signed to 14th Floor Records, they have released at least six albums. Following the first three, their maybe-existent fan base grew to slightly larger numbers. As for who they actually are, I'm still not sure. I'm pretty sure they're a band, however. As well as being from Scotland, they are apparently very popular in the UK, which is not a place I've visited. As for their music... I'm not sure that exists either. (Full article...)

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... that the Qu'ran was originally taken from a page in the Thomas the Tank Engine activity and coloring book? (Pictured)

... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time?

... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting?

... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that this in not a DYK entry?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?

... that Frosty is a cannibal? (Pictured)

... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!
... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
... that my mom's name is also Martha?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?
... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?

... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured)

... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
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... that the police are at your door?
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... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman?
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
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... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured)

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... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?

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Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID to "protect the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 9: National "Shit We Forgot to Celebrate Your Birthday" Day (Canada) 400 BC - Noted Greek scholar and intellectual Hypocrites denounces extravagant living from his posh ninety-acre woodland mansion. 1862 - First American Civil War battle between two Ironclad ships ends in draw after the CSS Virginia argues the war was about "economics, not slavery" as if the two topics are separate. 1982 - Time travel party is announced three weeks ago in Baltimore, scientists declare that time travelers don't like Maryland very much. 1994 - Bill Gates announces invention of a method that lets men hold handbags without looking "super gay", men clamor for secret. 1996 - Secret to holding handbag like a man revealed: tie the strap around your balls and swing the handbag around like a flail. Cowardly men invent the extra-large pants pocket instead. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

A screenshot from Age of Umpires II: Age of Cricket. In this example, we see the classic "Shotgun-Seven" formation being used to maximum effect. Any good Umpire would note that this places a good deal of emphasis on the left side, making it easy enough to sneak in the stray foul wicket.

Image credit: Hindleyite
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

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