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psst! Hey, kid, c'mere. I got something to tell ya. Your friend pissing you off? Owe you 5 bucks? Maybe they lost your pet? Ate your Haagen-Dazs? Maybe even fucked your sister? Well, there's a way to get back at them: Burn their house down. I've done this a bit too much, and I paid the price. But I'll tell you how to do it and not get caught. (Full article...) Recently featured: HowTo:Burn Your Friend's House Down UnPoetia:The Poop Sonnets Lawrencium Rule of Thumb Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name? ... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein? ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name? ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE! ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular? ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings. ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?

In the news One simply cannot piss until he scans this. Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured) BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children Florida Man found guilty of attacking Trump "as an alligator", sent to Alligator Alcatraz Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay. NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Kids and pregnant moms trying to gain "super autism powers" by binging on Tylenol • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in Washington Recent deaths: FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' pride • New York Mets' postseason dreams • The US Government's money • Jane Goodall Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys', Cincinnati Bengals' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10 • Kids and moms trying to gain autism powers from Tylenol On this day... October 2: International Orgasm Day 1876 - Six women are killed in test of first steam-powered vibrator. Its inventor, Havelock Schtumpf, is never seen again. 1889 - In Colorado, Nicholas Creede strikes it rich during the last great orgasm boom of the American Old West. 1919 - US President Woodrow Wilson reaches orgasm and suffers a massive stroke, leaving him partially paralyzed. 1924 - The Geneva Protocol is adopted as a means to strengthen the length of male orgasm. 1949 - 500,000 male steel workers win improved retirement benefits, orgasms. 1966 - The end of the Great Orgasm Shortage, as 2 billion people all orgasm at the same time, vibrating the earth closer to the sun by around 500 miles. Scientists predict a slow and steady increase in global temperature. 1968 - Bill Gates gets off for the first time. His prostate explodes.

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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