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King Diamond (Latin: Epicus-Metalus) is a Grammy-nominated Danish time-traveller, lead singer of two of the best bands of all time, avid spelunker, wears his trousers too tight, stole Gene Simmons' face (not his makeup look, but his actual face), cheese connoisseur, world poker champion, actual king of Denmark, founder of black metal who never actually made any, globetrotting paranormal investigator, expert in poser extermination, practitioner of black magic, member of the Scooby Gang and jeweler. But he is a king, and he is rich enough to afford even the most valuable diamonds. He is also a master alchemist, and is able to tranform any material he wants into the blackest of metals. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that Albert Einstein's likeness has been used to sell pornography? (Pictured)

... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
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... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?

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"He ah-no give me ah-good coverage!" Google reveals least popular searches of 2024 Jay-Z and Beyonce sit their children down and have a talk with them Luigi cosplays as Robin Hood and guns down health insurance CEO; (Pictured) Americans rejoice South Korea's president tries to order pizza, declares martial law instead Biden pardons Princess Peach and Blossom ... and Hunter... and Fauci... Special Counsel Jack Smith pardons President-elect turkey, meaning he gets away with January 6th Cicely Tyson demolishes Aaron Paul in Netflix "boxing" match Project 2025 to be implemented in 2026, riots ensue The Onion buys InfoWars. Extra true conspiracy theories coming soon! "Nope!" says, judge Epstein pal Trump picks sex pest pedophile as attorney general... only for him to pull out Trump picks Led Zeppelin to lead EPA Obama smears poop on daycare Kardashian and Aniston endorse bestiality UnNews publishes official 2024 post-election guide for liberals having to deal with Trump Joe Biden named winner of 2024 election, confusion erupts in America 2024 U.S. election cancelled due to absence of electoral votes, anarchy likely to follow TikToker Peanut the Squirrel swatted, killed for "illegal guns and drugs" Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel-Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • NBA and NHL seasons • Athletes doing the "Trump Dance" • Bill Belichick going insane Recent deaths: Brian Thompson (United Healthcare CEO) • Democrat party • Diddy's career • The Eras Tour • Alabama football's championship bid • The white guy from The Mod Squad Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Benjamin Netanyahu • Jay-Z's career and freedom • Kate Middleton • Aaron Rodgers' career UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
December 20: "Oh yeah?! You goin' down!" Day (New Jersey), Blueberry Harvest Season officially ends (you missed it) 4,000,000 BC - Trash talking is invented by caveman. First insult is samallhuuuuell1!!(I'm a kick the shit out of yo potatoes!!) 1800 - Evidence comes to light that The Battle of Gillygillyossenfefferkatzenellenbogen-by-the-sea actually took place just outside Gillygillyossenfefferkatzenellenbogen-by-the-sea. 1803 - Napoleon annexes St.Louisiana, taking it over from the America. He defends it by making a pact with the unpredictable Llama Jesus, now proven to be very much alive and roaming the swamp around Florida. 1860 - South Carolina secedes from the United States, marking the official end of the Blueberry Harvest Festival (and also leading to the American Civil War). 1931 - Terrell Owens, Godzilla, Crazy Frog, Vanilla Ice, Millard Fillmore, and Vin Diesel form The Legion of Doom, and celebrate by stealing a nigga's bike. 1977 - Kitten Huffing deemed a breach of Human Rights. 1982 - American-Welsh War of 1982 begins in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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