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Are you the kind of person who is interested in telling other people what to do? Easily swayed by religious texts? Have an itchy trigger finger and a fondness for big red buttons? Do you have a pulse? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you might be the kind of person who'd enjoy being President of the United States! It's true, just about anybody can be President. The guy pictured on the right is no more qualified than your milkman or some random guy on the street, yet he made it to President and is having the time of his life. That could be you! Becoming President will not be easy though, so this handy guide is here to help you every step of the way. (Full article...) Recently featured: HowTo:Become the President of the United States Rachel Zegler Terraforming Tenet (film) Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured) ... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now? ... that the White House is really off-white? ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons? ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore? ...that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet? ... that in 1933, the Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?

In the news Clearly not Deion Sanders vouching for his son Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank PBS and NPR to lose funding Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide (Pictured) Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!) Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans New Easter Bunny is a fascist Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers Recent deaths: Jay North • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom On this day... May 5: Cinco de Mayonnaise (Mexico) 1862 - Mexico defeats France in a drawn-out game of Risk. 1893 - New York Stock Exchange crashes, has its driving privileges suspended for a year. 1900 - Queen Victoria declares that the fish fork is henceforth the official favored piece cutlery of Great Britain. 1925 - Tennessee biology teacher John Scopes is arrested for teaching electrocution in school; is forced to teach evolution instead. 1927 - The government of South Africa declares those African clicky noises to be an official language. "It's called isiXhosa!" they click. 1989 - The United States takes some obscure Mexican holiday and fills it with cheesy gorditas. Yum! 2014 - Greeks protest austerity, bad weather and the pebble stuck inside their left sock. 2016 - Imprisoned crime lord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán receives an infamous "salted handy." ¡Ayayay!

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Satan hates his job, too. You're not like Satan. Are you? Image credit: RadicalX View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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