Bristol City F.C.
Bristol City FC is an English football club (football being used in the loosest possible sense) based in the city of Bristol.
History[edit | edit source]
The club were founded in 1982 by a group of disgruntled local muck-hurlers. They were immediately accepted into the third tier of the Fizzy Drinks League, and gained their first promotion two years later. Their first trophy win came in the 85-86 season in the Mickey Mouse Cup with a 1-0 win over rivals Walt Disney Wanderers. Their victory was owing to a late own-goal from Goofy, a player that later signed over to BC. In 1990 they finished second in the Fizzy Drinks League to Bristol Rovers in a season which included a 4-0 loss to their Bristol rivals -- thanks to a hat-trick from City fan Marcus Stewart. Oh the irony.
The team remained mediocre until 2004. That year they reached the play-off final before bottling it against Brighton and Hove Albion -- although, to be fair, they were playing against two teams at once. More recently they lost to local rivals Bristol Rovers, a famous defeat, despite being a league higher than the winners. They have had further success in the Mickey Mouse cup with a win over another local organisation, the German National team. The Germans choked when the team was struck by lightning; police later found the team captain four meters up a plane tree with a sheep in his arms. In 2008, plans were announced to relocate to a brand new, 80,000 all-seater stadium at Ilminster Avenue, in Knowle West, a pleasant, leafy, Bristol suburb. The site was chosen for its proximity to City's traditional fan base, plus the excellent public transport infrastructure and plentiful supply of recreational drugs and prostitution.
TV Fame[edit | edit source]
Soon to be released is the new sitcom 'Championship, You're Having a Laugh', to be filmed on location at Bristol's Ashton Gate Stadium on alternate Weekends and some Tuesdays. Special edition Cup games will be featured throughout the season, with close-up shots of players' worst moments, their facial deformities, and of course the ever-popular cutaway fan shots, titled 'Knickers, Knickers, Knickers'.
Current Squad[edit | edit source]
Manager - Derek 'Who drunk all the beer?' McIness
1 GK David 'Please God, don't let it go in' James
2 RB Jordan 'Why did I get loaned?' Spence
6 CB Louis 'I'm the best in the world' Carey
4 CB Liam 'Why am I the captain?' Fontaine
7 RM Marvin 'Screw this, I'm going back to Jamaica' Elliot
8 CM Neil 'Slap another one on the barbie' Kilkenny
21 CM Kalifa 'I have the same same last name as a better striker' Cisse
27 LM Albert 'Ghana pwns' Adomah
9 ST Jon 'I can actually score, oh wait' Stead
10 ST Hogan 'GET ME BACK TO QPR' Ephraim
