User:Roozie/Main Page Black

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"What Would Jesus Do?" is the most popularly over-asked question in the history of man, just edging out, Baby, if you've never tried anal sex, how do you know you won't like it? It is also the most asked question in the history of women, just ahead of Do you think this makes my ass look fat?

The question is commonly associated with dedicated followers of Christianity, but falsely so; true believers never ask that question as they know exactly what the Jesus would do. The simple query inspired the WWJD movement and spawned a multi-million dollar a year industry producing such wholesome family oriented items as charitable bracelets [1], lighters, belly-cut t-shirts [2], the finest of bumper stickers printed only in the smallest existing illegible fonts on Earth, and beer koozies.

The capitalistic monster spawned by those four little words has grown into that which has lead some to believe modern Jesus just wants to bank some loot, buy some bling, and bang some bitches. This may well be true as he declined any interview for this article. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

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  • ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured)
  • ... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
  • ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
  • ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
  • ... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
  • ... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
  • ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
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In the news

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Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian InvasionGaza WarTrump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's NonnaCanadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy SwaggartDiddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael MadsenDiogo JotaTexas flood victims

Upcoming deaths: DEITom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screenPittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game

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On this day...

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July 11: International Pull My Finger Day; Fake Fart Appreciation Day (Rural Alabama, Georgia)
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  • 1307 – Walter Tell, offspring of the famed archery enthusiast William Tell, pioneered the art of Interpretive Death by creatively expiring after suffering a major crossbow incident.
  • 1796 – The United States takes possession of Detroit from Great Britain under the terms of the Jay Treaty. Great Britain immediately regrets this transaction when the Detroit Red Wings win the Stanley Cup in 1798.
  • 1804 – Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton is mortally wounded in a duel with United States Vice President Aaron Burr in the last major political duel before the Political Dueling Edict of 1822 was imposed by the new generation of sissy-boy lawmakers.
  • 1859A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens is published. Oscar Wilde immediately parodies many of Dickens' concepts in his novel the Picture of Dorain Gray.
  • 1864 – The American Civil War does not live up to its name as a Civil War, as pleasantries are barely exchanged before the Battle of Fort Stevens.
  • 1925 – Famous monster Oscar the Grouch (pictured) is born in the slums of Sesame Street. He does not earn the added moniker of "Grouch" until he resorts to selling candy to children after bedtime following a long string of hardships.
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Today's featured picture

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Bunch of Windows errors
Windows XP is a reliable computer program, as shown here.

Image credit: Guest
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Recent Articles

|- | More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas |- |} {| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #c9c9c9; background-color:#FFFFF2; vertical-align:top;" | !

Writer and Noob of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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