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Jesus has always been a touchy subject. Not many people want to talk about our Lord and Savior. Some even go so far as to consider it awkward when Jesus is brought up in polite conversation. Due to this inclination to believe that Jesus kills a conversation, many people don't get to know how truly amazing the man who died for our sins really is.

Sure, we all know that Jesus was white, had long flowing hair, a perfectly trimmed beard, and a Californian complexion. That much is obvious from any photograph or painting of Jesus. But what about the smaller details about Jesus that people just ignore nowadays? Maybe if people weren't so quick to slam the door in the face of a religious scholar they would know more facts about Jesus. For instance... (Full article...)

Recently featured:

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Did you know...

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... that the Qu'ran was originally taken from a page in the Thomas the Tank Engine activity and coloring book? (Pictured)

... the secret to good advertising is to lie? (Pictured)

... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?
... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?

... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured)

... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?

... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)

... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?

... that Japanese ninjas are among those who have tried to find a way to get across the Great Wall of China? (Pictured)

... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?

... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured)

... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
... that nobody asked?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?

... that Big Bird was the guest of honor on a special Thanksgiving episode of Sesame Street? (Pictured)

... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that you just lost the Game?
... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
... that this sentence is incomple

Archive – Suggest new entries

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In the news

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Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed

Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city?

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons

UnNews – Radio Free Lunch

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On this day...

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March 19: Peanut Allergy Awareness Day (U.S.)

1649 - Bengal Death cultists breed a strain of peanut that is fatal to a tiny percentage of the population, for they believe the souls of those who die by the peanut are raised again to fight for their goddess Kali.
1877 - The first child to die of a peanut allergy is called a giant pussy by teachers and school staff instead of getting medical attention.
1931 - Gambling is legalized in Nevada, first casino game is like Russian Roulette, except the gun shoots peanut powder, and rat poison.
1962 - Bob Dylan releases his first album, Nutmeg. The cover actually smells like peanuts and not nutmeg.
1994 - Congress passes the Allergy Awareness Act, which legally puts the onus of responsibility on You to cater to everyone's allergy problems. Sort your fridge asshole.
2008 - Vince from Slap Chop accidentally gets his testicles trapped in the butterfly mechanism of his Slap Chop.
2018 - Parents protest animated movie Peter Rabbit after the titular character chokeslams the allergic antagonist into an industrial vat of peanut butter.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Today's featured picture

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I wonder what they're trying to tell us this time...

Image credit: Kaizer the Bjorn
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Writer and Noob of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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