User:Martinultima

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Main Page Death of The Author is an essay written originally by Literary Critic, professional mime, Philosopher and frenchman Roland Barthes. In it Barthes stated his view that creating texts is detrimental to health, as every author has, at some point in history, died. In his autobiography "The Life of Roland Barthes, Great Literary Critic, Philosopher and Lover", Barthes writes that the idea for this text came to his mind while he was reading Twilight, and wishing a horrible death on Stephanie Meyer. He describes this moment as "one of those moments that made me feel as the unique great philosophiser of language things that I am." He refined his theory while reading The Da Vinci Code, when he was only able to reclaim the will to live by realising that Dan Brown would eventually cease to do so. He observed: "while this theory does seem to carry grave implications for authors such as myself, it does at least make the reading of singularly poor fiction slightly more bearable". (Full article...) Recently featured: Game:Zork2/Zorkception Jew Jaws did WTC Archive · Vote for featured articles · Featured today, a long long time ago Extension:DynamicPageList (DPL), version 3.3.3: Warning: No results. PlayStation 3, featured on 14 July 2015: Featured version My Week Without Porn, featured on 14 July 2014: Featured version Did you know... ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? In the news "No way you guys will pin this one on me-hee-hee!" Photo credit: Scooter Braun Fandom buys rights to Uncyclopedia contributions (Pictured) Was Gatsby really great? asks ninth grader Weird object discovered on Mars for only the nth time running California authorities seize $37,000,000,000 dollars in massive bank raid Trump eloquently refutes allegations of extraterrestrial control of US elections John Dowd issues statement in Comic Sans NASA to select authentic Apollo Moon Rock for one-way lunar voyage Nixon: I am a crook. No, wait. UnNews editorial note: Logo handling is fixed The Cure's Robert Smith to pay off student debt We've been spelling Joe Biden's name wrong for 12 years Mr ratburn is GAY The Big Bang Theory renewed for 1021 more seasons Obama buys Pornhub On this day... July 14: National Surrender Day (France) 1789 - French citizens storm the Bastille, a large prison, and free seven prisoners who were wrongly incarcerated after being accused of that most heinous of crimes in France: being English. 1798 - The Sedition Act becomes United States law, making it a federal crime to write, publish, or utter false or malicious statements about the U.S. government. 1969 - The United States removes all large bills from circulation, much to the dismay of the legendary Salmon P. Chase (the face of the $10,000 bill) and his adoring fans. 1974 - It's Christmas, Folks, and Just Look at the Mess We've Made by John Lennon reached number one on the charts. 2000 - A powerful solar flare, later named the Bastille Day Event, causes a geomagnetic storm on Earth. French partisans attack sun by throwing sunblock and parasols at the sky. 2007 - A breakthrough study shows that those who read often are better at reading than those who seldom read. Today's featured picture Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice. Image credit: Mhaille View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images edit Recent Articles Lincoln Logs Brexit Where Is Everybody? UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals) Avi Toledano Eli Roth Film (remake) African American Worst 100 Reflections on 2018 Ray Charles Bernardo Butterlucci Urban Dictionary Statement of faith Baka the Master Builder Baboon John Cena Africa (Toto song) UnReviews:Terminator 6 Fall Out Boy (5 billionth rewrite) Chevy Chase Christmas Jingle All the Way of the Gun (rewrite) Staind Halloween (2018 film) Patti Smith Ali Khamenei Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (retitled rewrite) Art's True Meanings Fear Factory Faith No More How Do You Solve A Problem Like Thomas Becket Bookshelf Tad Queens of the Stone Age The Larry Sanders Show More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Martinultima’s Scratchboard In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” ~ Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready... Add New Post Edit Posts My Latest Articles Benjamin Franklinstein PEE VFH Jolt Cola PEE - Update Table Complete Bibliography 8/3/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B... 7/22/2007 Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now) 7/21/2007 UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber. 7/4/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein 7/4/2007 Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg 7/3/2007 Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order! 6/26/2007 The Human Element – waiting for pee review 6/19/2007 Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show. 2/15/2007 Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}}) 2/10/2007 National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes) 2/9/2007 UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!" 2/5/2007 Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace) 2/5/2007 Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic) 1/18/2007 Jolt Cola 1/16/2007 UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe 6/3/2006 Minimalist talk page 6/3/2006 Deep Note 3/4/2006 Geocities (really crappy original version) 1/9/2006 I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates) 11/30/2005 Celine Dionide 11/20/2005 Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg 11/3/2005 UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers Articles Images WTF? Update