User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

VFH/VFP/RD
Pee Review

Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... I burning your dog? (Pictured)

... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?

... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible?

... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
... that the butler did it?

... I burning your dog? (Pictured)

... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?

... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible?

... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
... that the butler did it?

... I burning your dog? (Pictured)

... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?

... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible?

... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
... that the butler did it?

... I burning your dog? (Pictured)

... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight

Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season

Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too

On this day...

March 31: Condom Appreciation Day

Ancient Man went to great lengths to avoid the burden of parenthood

4000 BC - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms (Pictured), resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries.
1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received.
1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression.
1961 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time, in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In.
1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City.
2009 - The Pope claims that condoms increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

Falstrop's Amazing Kitten Huffing Device

Early Victorian advances in kitten huffing technology were spearheaded by the notorious kit-head Algernon Falstrop.

Image credit: Sannse
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers