User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

VFH/VFP/RD
Pee Review

Private Eye, that's what the letters spell out on the glass to the door of my office. New York City is a tough place to make a living and if you try to sing the blues you'll quickly find out that you're not even good enough to be another voice in the choir. Down on Broadway, it's a dog eat dog world so I make a little money on the side selling milk-bone underwear to hungry tourists or anything else that makes a sound like money. Anyone who lives here can smell the rat in this cheese factory but nobody's saying anything because having morals on Broadway is like celebrating mother's day at the orphanage - It makes you feel good but everyone stares at you like a nun in a string bikini. People don't normally need a Private Eye but when their chickens come home to roost it's a little like being the only cabbage farmer in town on St. Patrick's Day. Eventually they all show up at my door with a sob story and a dirty job that'll pay the bills. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)

... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?

... that Canadian baseball (Pictured) is a thing?

... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that nobody asked?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)

... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?

... that Canadian baseball (Pictured) is a thing?

... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that nobody asked?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)

... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?

... that Canadian baseball (Pictured) is a thing?

... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that nobody asked?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)

... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran

Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran

Undetermined: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

On this day...

March 8: International Men Without Penises Day

4000 BC - God creates Eve, Adam celebrates that he doesn't have to keep stroking it by himself.
4001 BC - Eve forces Adam to sleep outside the hut after expecting free handies without anything in return.
1919 - Women marching on Washington, D.C. seeking the right to vote cite Oscar Wilde's play A Woman of No Importance as an example of misogynistic views.
1935 - Sophia blesses the women of the Earth by giving them the G-Spot, although men are cursed to never find it.
1978 - Your mother is born. According to statistics, she likely experiences 18-34 years of relative ease before you are born.
2026 - Losers on 4chan and Reddit rant about how they never got the girl of their dreams (Pictured), despite being "nice guys."

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

Mickeys - the drug of choice for today's trendy ravers.

Image credit: Rcmurphy
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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers