User:Martinultima

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Main Page Hey, good morning, sleepyhead. Last night was pretty crazy, wasn't it? I can't believe how much we drank. Seriously, can you believe we killed that whole handle of Relska? What were we thinking? It's always a good time when I come by, isn't it? Well, here's the thing: I think I owe you an apology. See, last night, while you were passed out, I ate your Haagen-Dazs. I know, I know, it was kind of a dick move on my part. You shouldn't eat another man's ice cream. It's kind of the guy code. But I had a reason. Give me a chance to explain. So we were drinking, and you passed out. Man, are you ever a lightweight. Four PBRs and 10mg of Rohypnol and you're done for the night. I don't even know why you took that stuff. Well, I guess I do know why, since I ground it up and put it in your beer when you were in the bathroom. What I meant is that I don't know why I did that. Either I thought it would be a funny practical joke or else I was hoping some girls would come over spontaneously and start drinking your beer. (Full article...) Recently featured: Begging the question Playstation 6 Personality disorder Mandela effect Archive · Vote for featured articles · Featured today, a long long time ago Extension:DynamicPageList (DPL), version 3.3.3: Warning: No results. Cars 2, featured on 8 December 2015: Featured version Did you know... ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle? ... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy? ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle? ... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy? ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle? ... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy? ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle? In the news Epstein didn't kill himself, says Kotter Democrats blame 50,000,000 Americans for voting the wrong way in 2016 Eddie Van Halen: Who's Billie Eilish? Dragnet reboot, Black Friday, debuts Friday (Pictured) James Dean named Sexiest Man Dead UnNews will now only write about sports Comcast moves TCM to sports package Mick Mulvaney admits quid pro quo Stanley Kubrick resurrected, asked his opinion on Marvel movies Joe Biden's plan for black people Sam Smith's family thank fans UnNews remembers Lord Zedd New Apple Watch to tell the time Boxcar Bertha to be Scorsese's shortest movie ever Forest animals seen singing, dancing after death of David Koch On this day... December 8: Llamas Against Chinese day/ The Death of Metal 1000 BCE - A little Chinese Prince was holidaying in Tibet. Whilst he was innocently trying to feed a local Llama some grain it viciously bit him. And so began countless millenniums of conflict. 1231 - The Dalai Llama seduces Chinese king, but after they'd been going steady for a couple of months the Llama cheats on him with Kubla Khan. Chinese king calls the Llama a slut and finds a less attractive rebound girlfriend and cries himself to sleep for a month. 1567- The Dalai Llama tells all the other Central Asian leaders that the Chinese King is gay. 1911 - Llama tells Sun Yat-sen and Yuan Shikai that the Chinese Emperor said that their mothers were terrible cooks. 1931 - Llama mentions to Emperor Hirohito that China is pretty shit and that he might as well go in and take over. Then he whispered quietly in the Emperor's ear that if any Japanese are looking for easy women Nanking is the place. Today's featured picture Tsar Wars Episode IV: No Hope Image credit: Sannse View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images edit Recent Articles Lincoln Logs Brexit Where Is Everybody? UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals) Avi Toledano Eli Roth Film (remake) African American Worst 100 Reflections on 2018 Ray Charles Bernardo Butterlucci Urban Dictionary Statement of faith Baka the Master Builder Baboon John Cena Africa (Toto song) UnReviews:Terminator 6 Fall Out Boy (5 billionth rewrite) Chevy Chase Christmas Jingle All the Way of the Gun (rewrite) Staind Halloween (2018 film) Patti Smith Ali Khamenei Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (retitled rewrite) Art's True Meanings Fear Factory Faith No More How Do You Solve A Problem Like Thomas Becket Bookshelf Tad Queens of the Stone Age The Larry Sanders Show More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Martinultima’s Scratchboard In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” ~ Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready... Add New Post Edit Posts My Latest Articles Benjamin Franklinstein PEE VFH Jolt Cola PEE - Update Table Complete Bibliography 8/3/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B... 7/22/2007 Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now) 7/21/2007 UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber. 7/4/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein 7/4/2007 Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg 7/3/2007 Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order! 6/26/2007 The Human Element – waiting for pee review 6/19/2007 Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show. 2/15/2007 Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}}) 2/10/2007 National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes) 2/9/2007 UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!" 2/5/2007 Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace) 2/5/2007 Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic) 1/18/2007 Jolt Cola 1/16/2007 UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe 6/3/2006 Minimalist talk page 6/3/2006 Deep Note 3/4/2006 Geocities (really crappy original version) 1/9/2006 I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates) 11/30/2005 Celine Dionide 11/20/2005 Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg 11/3/2005 UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers Articles Images WTF? Update