User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

VFH/VFP/RD
Pee Review

Good evening crew of the RMS Titanic. My name is Scuttlebutt, Sidney Scuttlebutt. I am the head of the exterior furniture section on this ship. My job is to provide deckchairs for the comfort of all First Class and Second Class passengers. Third Class passengers are not entitled to deckchairs so you will not need to show them how they work.

This may be the Titanic's maiden voyage but I am already a professional at the art of deckchair maintenance as I have worked on the Titanic's sister ship RMS Olympic. I believe a carefully prepared deckchair with the option of a blanket and cushion is essential if travellers want to take in the cold April air of 1912. So I will now demonstrate what we do.

What was that? You want to know more about the lifeboats? We can talk about that tomorrow. Those boats are to rescue people at sea, not the people here as this ship is unsinkable, made of steel that is light enough to float. There is no need to be worried. For those who really want to learn more about lifeboats, I understand Captain Smith will be holding a class tomorrow. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

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Featured today, a long long time ago
	An image built one pixel at a time, featured on 14 March 2025: Featured version UnNews:New Florida bill would abolish all pronouns, featured on 14 March 2023: Featured version

Did you know...

... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured)

... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?

... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)

... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?

... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured)

... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?

... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)

... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?

... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured)

... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?

... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)

... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?

... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured)

... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed

Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city?

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons

On this day...

March 14: American π Day

27 AD - Greeks fight valiantly against Russell Crowe in a vast gladiatorial event to define π as the ratio of the circumference of a circle divided by its radius.
435 AD - Pope Sixtus III denouces π, claiming it to be the work of Satan, as a number which never ends seems too cruel for a loving God to have made.
1603 - "American" Apple pie actually invented by the Aztecs, used as aphrodisiac.
1707 - The Physics Act of 1707 defines π to be 22/7, which scientists of the era proclaim as close enough.
1891 - The pie chart is first invented, sadly, the original prototype has long since been eaten. Future pie charts are now inedible.
2004 - The day Krabs fries
2005 - The Kansas Board of Education restores pi to its traditional value of three and a bit, stating, "Certain features of the universe are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as mathematics."
2020 - A resident of New York City passes away after contracting the π virus.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

DaVinci's Hewlett-Packard printer was to be the undoing of his most famous work, resulting in what art scholars have termed the "Mono Lisa."

Hewlett Packard were unavailable for comment as the CEO was busy discussing a merger with Ferrari to create the world's first petrol powered printer.
DaVinci is said to be in a closed door meeting with Dan Brown to discuss the implications of this event.
Image credit: Nonymous
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers