User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

VFH/VFP/RD
Pee Review

A Civil War is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle.

Civil wars are defined by a few chief characteristics. The Blitzkrieg Bop, for instance, was famous for its angular guitar rhythms and use of armor and dive-bombers to spearhead a motorized assault straight through the heart of an opposing force. Civil War, however, is based on these precepts: (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)

... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)

... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)

... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)

... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

1977-2026

US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over

Recent deaths: Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?)

On this day...

February 18: Penis Day (Tonga)

4000 BC - Men discover their hands reach down to their genitals, and there is peace for three thousand years before they get bored and start killing each other with pointy sticks.
1791 - American imperialists "liberate" the state of Vermont because of its vast maple syrup reserves.
1861 - Jefferson Davis is declared president of the Confederacy after saying the "hard R" N-word fifty times in only six seconds.
1885 - Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is published, its numerous grammatical errors are labelled by the publisher as a regional dialect.
1970 - The Chicago Seven are found guilty of being dirty commie hippies who might as well be guilty.
2010 - WikiLeaks publishes hundreds of thousands of classified documents revealing exactly where the U.S. keeps its nudes.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice.

Image credit: Mhaille
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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers