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tap tap
Is this thing on?
tap tap
I told the shmendriks in logistics to make sure everything is prepared before I start this part.
HELLO? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?
waves of feedback from the speakers, congregation cringes
Tekiah Gedolah!
feedback like a shofar, congregation laughs
Ah! So those shlimazels can actually do something for once. Since they didn't manage to block the credit crunch, I lost faith in them.
congregation giggles
So, chevralach, thank you all for coming for this pre-Shabbat get together of the congregation. I'd especially like to thank Mrs. Rubinstein for preparing all the lovely krepalach for the meeting. Thank you Rebecca, much appreciated. (Full article...)
Did you know...
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In the news
On this day...
July 5: X Day; Day After We Kicked The Brits Ass Day (Southern US)
- 334 BC – Masturbation is accidentally invented by Plato in Athens. His diciple Aristoteles is later declared "Master of his domain"
- 1687 – Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig.
- 1689 – After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7.
- 1946 – The bikini is introduced in Paris, France. Later, no bikini atoll was the trend.
- 1967 – The first kidney transplant to be made entirely of lego bricks ends in tragedy
- 1976 – Dumbass starts running across the United States.
- 1998 – Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp.
- 1999 – Again, the aliens miss the due date.
- 2000 – Yet again, the aliens fail to meet their contractual obligations.
- 2001 – Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show.
- 2002 – Kooks consider taking legal action against missing aliens.
- 2003 – Aliens turned up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists.
- 2004 – No one turns up because no one expects the aliens to. And, yup, they didn't.
- 2005 – If you are reading this, the aliens did not turn up for the 8th year running.
- 2005 – Longest fart in world history. Produced by AMB.
- 2006 – That's right, still no aliens.
- 2006 – Zombies become extinct.
- 2007 – Deal or No Deal? The aliens decide to take the money and not show up - again!
- 2010 – The Church Of The Subgenius hijacks the Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5 page
- 2155 – Aliens almost turned up but missed a left due to wrong directions and landed on Venus.
- 2156 – Aliens turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam Statue that lit up at night.
- 19447 – Aliens appear as tourists, but at this point no one cares.
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Recent Articles
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Writer and Noob of the Month
Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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| Complete Bibliography
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| 8/3/2007
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Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
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| 7/22/2007
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Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
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| 7/21/2007
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UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!)
Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
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| 7/4/2007
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Benjamin Franklinstein
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| 7/4/2007
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Jolt Cola (rewrite)
Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
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| 7/3/2007
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Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...)
Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
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| 6/26/2007
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The Human Element – waiting for pee review
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| 6/19/2007
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Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
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| 2/15/2007
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Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
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| 2/10/2007
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National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
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| 2/9/2007
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UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
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| 2/5/2007
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Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
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| 2/5/2007
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Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
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| 1/18/2007
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Jolt Cola
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| 1/16/2007
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UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
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| 6/3/2006
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Minimalist talk page
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| 6/3/2006
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Deep Note
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| 3/4/2006
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Geocities (really crappy original version)
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| 1/9/2006
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I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
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| 11/30/2005
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Celine Dionide
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| 11/20/2005
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Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
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| 11/3/2005
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UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers
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WTF?
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Update
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