User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

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Edward Christopher "Ed" [insert singular 3rd person subjective pronoun]eran (born 17 February 1991 - died NEVER) is a Canadian-British singer-songwriter, actor, owner of a bar in London, and Rupert Grint lookalike. He is also known as "Teddy" on Instagram. Additionally, he is considered to be the "one true god" of his home country, and even the entire world. Asides from that, he's known to the public as the "Ginger Jesus". Ed is arguably a fad of the year 2017 and also a British nationalist. Even though his career was meant to fade away at the end of the 2010s, he manages to still make music to this day, much to everyone's annoyances. He is known to have a lot of chart hits, especially in the UK, including "The B Team", "Untitled (Take Me Into Your Loving Arms)", "Nothing Happens After Two" and most infamously, "I'm Back & I'm Desperate". However, they are most likely plagiarized, but he still gets away with it. His private life isn't very well known, thanks to having no surveillance cameras in his home and the fact that the address to it is changed every day. Despite having a male given name, Ed somehow manages to have female pronouns as part of his surname, so, logically, he would've instantly became a "she" right away. Oh fuck, how do we go by them again? (Full article...)

Recently featured:

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Did you know...

... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)

... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?

... that the toaster in Pulp Fiction is wanted in connection with at least 5 unsolved murders? (Pictured)

... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?

... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)

... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?

... that the toaster in Pulp Fiction is wanted in connection with at least 5 unsolved murders? (Pictured)

... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?

... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)

... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?

... that the toaster in Pulp Fiction is wanted in connection with at least 5 unsolved murders? (Pictured)

... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?

... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)

... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

1977-2026

US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over

Recent deaths: ~~Uncyclopedia~~ • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again

On this day...

February 17: Sheeranist New Year (United Kingdom)

1991 - Famed British musician Ed Sheeran is born. Brits rejoice that their Messiah is finally with them.
1996 - Gary Kasparov loses a game of chess to a computer, like that's never happened to anyone before.
2008 - USA bombs some country after the military finds a few extra bombs hiding in an old pair of pants.
2017 - Denmark is officially recognized as a mistake and erased from history.
2026 - You finally forget about your miserable Valentine's Day, only to be tormented by this reminder.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

Cliff Williams of popular music combo AC/DC seen here practising his scales on his custom bass guitar. This bass couldn't produce any tunas, or even any tunes.

Image credit: Col.swordman
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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers