User talk:Martinultima

The real User:Martinultima signs his posts like this:
 Megalomaniac Martin “The Unfortunately Unfeatured” Ultima • (VOTE FOR ME!) • talk • (AND MY PICS TOO!) • contribs 16:23, 10 March 2007 (UTC)
Don't be fooled by fakes – be fooled by the real thing!

Jolt Cola

Hey, I've removed the WIP tag from Jolt Cola and have commented out the headings that have no content. You could finish it, or you could just leave it, it's up to you. Thanks. —Braydie at 07:56, 26 January 2007 (UTC)

Probably just going to leave it then, since I can't really come up with any more creative ideas. Thanks! Martinultima 12:35, 26 January 2007 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews

Thanks for UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!". Now here's the rest of the crap.

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Martinultima, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

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You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

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If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

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If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

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At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:41, 10 February 2007 (UTC)

Sig

Hey again. Looks like your sig is spilling code. Ok, what you need to do is put {{SUBST:nosubst|User:Martinultima/sig}} (or just exchange User:Martinultima/sig for whatever your sig file is) into the nickname box on preferences, then cross the raw signatures box. After that ~~~~ should make  Megalomaniac Martin “The Unfortunately Unfeatured” Ultima • (VOTE FOR ME!) • talk • (AND MY PICS TOO!) • contribs and timestamp. —Braydie 16:10, 3 April 2007 (UTC)

Excellent, I've been trying to figure out how to do that. Thanks!  Megalomaniac Martin “The Unfortunately Unfeatured” Ultima • (VOTE FOR ME!) • talk • (AND MY PICS TOO!) • contribs 20:23, 3 April 2007 (UTC)

Psuedo-Œlde Ænglish

Characters to be familiar with:

• Æ and æ(Ash)
• Œ and œ(Oethel)
• Þ and þ(Thorn) sounds like "th"

Some rules:

1. Any a and o you see that can make a sound like "ay"(as in pay) replace with æ and any o sound(as in holy) replace with œ. Drop the e on the end unless the word is "Œlde". Example: Main = Mæn.
2. Any words with a th sound should have their th replaced with thorn.
3. Any words beginning with y should have theiry y replaced with thorn. Ye = þe. You = þou.
4. "My" should be þy.
5. Remove unnecessary Hs(What = Wat).
6. Have should be haþ(Wy þou haþ a sword? = Why do you have a sword?)

That should give you backically everything you need to know how to write in a fake old english. If you have any more questions on how to write in pseudo-old english don't hesitate to leave a message on my talk page. --~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

01:18, 5 April 2007 (UTC)

Pee Review: Norelco and Side effects

I'm glad I helped, actually! I'll take another look at it if you want, in the meantime, look at my article, Side effects, if you would. Here's the peer review: Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/Side_effects --Cajek 18:14, 3 July 2007 (UTC)

Looking at it again, maybe I judged it too harshly. However, since you asked me (thank you!), I think it could do with a few link removals to things that don't exist, and maybe taking out the very disorienting philosophy section. "Occam's razor"... ooooh, I get it! --Cajek 18:21, 3 July 2007 (UTC)

Okay, I see. Thanks for the review, it was pretty helpful: I got rid of the actually-supposed-to-be-serious parts. However, there's no way this could be funny and not be a list, I don't think. Mostly, it's supposed to be weird. The Colbert reference isn't supposed to be about Colbert, it's just supposed to be funny side effects. Maybe you're reading too much into it? I'm going to look for more editors: thanks for your time Martin. --Cajek 20:15, 3 July 2007 (UTC)

Okay Martin, take another look. The intro is longer/better now. --Cajek 20:46, 3 July 2007 (UTC)

Oooh, thank you for the opening skit comment. I don't know if that picture is a copyright violation, but I would bet so (it's a screenshot). Would you care to, when you get the time, to take a look at how to arrange the lists into paragraphs? I don't think there's a good way to do it. --Cajek 23:38, 3 July 2007 (UTC)

LOL, wow, that's awesome that you liked it that much! However, you do realize that the "ungodly soul inversion" was from a random phrase generator I invented? I've seen that exact side effect before on there (not in real life), so hopefully that doesn't lower the score? I worked for a long time on that random phrase generator, and I think it's still funny. Gimme some more advice, martin, I'm always up for it! --Cajek 04:56, 8 July 2007 (UTC)

Đùşśąŀəĥøæß

Đùşśąŀəĥøæß Contest Rules

1. You must write the article for Dr. Đùşśąŀəĥøæß. That's the big one. And yes, it must be funny.
2. It must fully agree with descriptions of him in Jolt Cola, Benjamin Franklinstein, UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe, and that really fucking long coffee. That's the other big one. And please, make it funny.
3. All direct quotes from Đùşśąŀəĥøæß must be typed in that obnoxious Eastern European accent. (See the really long coffee page for the best example). Oh, and see Image:UnNews Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe.MP3 if you're wondering how it's pronounced.
4. You must sign on this talk page before starting and after finishing the article to let me know.

I don't have any ninjastars, so the winner will receive the absence of a ninjastar (pictured here →). I will also vote for any article you wrote on UN:VFH, whether it's on Đùşśąŀəĥøæß or something completely different.

If this contest breaks any Uncyclopedia rules I will not cancel it, but instead redouble my efforts until I see an article I like.

Note that I didn't originally create the Đùşśąŀəĥøæß character, but since I've dragged him into every possible situation (and consistently failed to create a good article of my own) I'm hereby taking the responsibility for describing him, and dumping it on you.

Have fun.

Attempt Number One

Dear Sir, I'm not much of a writer but I'm trying to write an article on Dr. Đùşśąŀəĥøæß. It currently looks like this. I hope I can be of some assisstance. {Ikabu}BUZZ...FLICK...GURGLE... 07:31, 7 July 2007 (UTC)

In payment for the hot girl...

Arg! That was more than lame, it was "mega-lame". Oy! --Cajek 16:24, 10 July 2007 (UTC)

Deutsche Grammatik / German grammar

Hi Martin, please note that your text "Deutsche Grammatik" is not really funny, it's stupid. You obviously created it with an automatic translator software, and every literate person should know that automatic translators produce bullshit. For example, when you wanted to say "fucks you in the ass" the German version says "fucks you in the donkey", since "ass" is translated as "donkey". Wow. The rest is more or less unintelligible. Maybe you would like to work on the text. Or delete it. Just a suggestion. NaturalBornKieler 08:24, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

What, you mean the one on my userpage? Uh, actually, no. I translated that myself, by hand (ich kann ein bisschen Deutsch sprechen, aber ich kann es doch besser lesen/verstehen auf schreiben), and all the errors and mistranslations are entirely deliberate. If you don't find it amusing, fine – it's my userpage, I don't care. Verpiss auf, Scheißkopf, ich brauche deinen Rat nicht!  Megalomaniac Martin “The Unfortunately Unfeatured” Ultima • (VOTE FOR ME!) • talk • (AND MY PICS TOO!) • contribs 15:59, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Yes, that's what I meant (the one on your German user page). Since humour is a matter of taste or the absence of such, I will not further comment on the funniness of your text; anyway, I can only warn you not to use this kind of language in any non-satirical context. You will cause misunderstandings, to say the least. Have a nice day fucking off and eating shit, old chap. NaturalBornKieler 08:34, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

There's a good reason it was on my userpage – I got 6/7 points on my IB German exam and second highest in my state for a national German test, which of course means absolutely nothing in the real world, but in real life I at least try to speak the language as if I had a clue what I was talking about. And thank you for your well-wishing, and I hope you may do the same; "fucking off and eating shit," ain't that the American dream?  Megalomaniac Martin “The Unfortunately Unfeatured” Ultima • (VOTE FOR ME!) • talk • (AND MY PICS TOO!) • contribs 15:57, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

Jolt Cola

Just let me know when you'd like me to look at it again. Slithy Tove 21:06, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

You've done a lot of work on improving this article. Good work on the Varients/Flavours and steps to follow if you run into a crazed addict. I'd do a couple of things with the photos: first, the Harry Potter one is great but too small to read, and you might want to put it a bit closer to the written section on Harry Potter. Second, I'd move the photo of the Starbucks guy up slightly, since you refer in the paragraph above to "this guy" and people might not know you're referring to the picture that's a little lower on the page.

I'm not sure what else to suggest. Looks pretty complete to me. Slithy Tove 21:57, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks!

Thanks again! -- CUN PLS VFH (Miniluv•Minitrue•Unsoc) 06:00, 6 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks

Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 01:38, 10 August 2007 (UTC)