User:The Number-One ALF Fan
Commander of the Order
|This user is Canadian|
...and thinks you're a hoser!
User goodthink U.W.P member.
"Now 99% Oldspeak for the benefit of NSL (Newspeak as a second language) students!"
~ The Ministry of Truth on Big Brother's userpage
"Hey, I heard somewhere that Big Brother's real name is 'The Number-One ALF Fan'. You know what that means? BB's in league with the aliens. You thought it was Ingsoc pulling all the strings, but no, it's actually the planet Melmac. Yup. It's true. It's all a conspiracy. Next thing you know, our cats will start disappearing, too."
~ Some random conspiracy theorist on Big Brother
Welcome, comrade, to my doubleplusgood userpage! I just wanted to let you know: I'm watching you. Now that we've got that out of the way, you have permission to proceed. Just be careful, comrade: links away from this page may contain doubleplusungood thoughtcrime. You don't want to spend a couple of months in the Ministry of Love, do you, comrade? I thought not. Rather, I knew not. I know who you are, <insert name here>. I even know what you are thinking about right now. Do not question my power. I do not rule Oceania. I am Oceania. I am he, as you are he, as you are me, and we are all together.
“In Soviet Russia, Lehwald Keith's YOU!!”
~ Matt Richard on Keith Lehwald
The above phrases are doubleplusungood crimethink. They never revealed the true identity of Big Brother. They never existed. Neither did the unperson who uttered them. Miniluv remake goodthink fullwise.
Now, I know you're wondering, "Credentials? On Uncyclopedia?? This man must be mad!" And you'd be right. But there's more to it than that.
On the Nintendo NSider Forums under the screenname of #1_ALF_FAN, I have been writing humorous fan fiction since January 1, 2005, specifically the "Metroid: Special Delivery" series, which ran until July 1, 2006. (I also took a brief shot at serious writing, but it didn't work out.) In addition to that, a short review I wrote for the GameCube game Ultimate Spider-Man was published in Volume 209 (Nov. 2006) of Nintendo Power magazine.
As far as wikis go, I've been a member on Wikipedia since November 2005. I haven't written any full articles there since I've registered, but I have made hundreds of edits, mostly minor style and grammar edits, to many articles.
And on a completely unrelated note, since August 8, 2007, I have been a member on the website NationalAnthems.us with the username "Big Brother" and the Stalin Grue image from "Obsessive-compulsive rhyming disorder" as my avatar. I thus win virtually any geekiness contest by default.
Big Brother must remain an enigma. My personal history cannot be given away so easily. To hover your cursor over the above text or highlight it and read it is thoughtcrime.
Language Department (Langdep)
|ns-N||This user is a native speaker of Newspeak.|
You probably guessed that already, comrade. If you did not, you were improperly taught Party doctrine in your school years and must be retrained.
|ca-N||This user is a native speaker of Canajan, eh?.|
So expect me to use a strange and sometimes confusing mixture of British and American word spellings.
|fr-2||This user is able to contribute with an intermediate level of Français.|
Au moins, mes profs disent que je peux parler et écrire la langue bien. Néanmoins, je suis simplement en école secondaire; donc, je ne peux pas la parler couramment en ce moment.
|rh-N||This user is a native speaker of Random Humour.|
|re-3||This user is able to contribute with an advanced level of Recondite English.|
Although it may be verisimilar to the casual observer that the above statement in French would already have been so pedantic so as to render this further tag redundant, in actual fact, the previously-stated message was French as it might be said in vulgar parlance. (By "vulgar", here I mean "common" or "casual". Verify its veracity in a verbal and grammatical compendium, or, in vulgar terms, a dictionary.)
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH