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Today's featured article (new every day) The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it. Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...) Recently featured: Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd? ... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman? ... that I am inside your walls? ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have? ... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured) ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores? ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network? ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out? ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state? ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era? ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe? ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd? ... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman? ... that I am inside your walls? ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have? ... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured) ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores? ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network? ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out? ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state? ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era? ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe? ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd? ... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman? ... that I am inside your walls? ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?	In the news He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico On this day... February 24: "I don't care what day it is" Day 1803 - In Marbury v Madison, two men named Mr. Marbury and Mr. Madison fight each other with canes, and the Supreme Court decides who wins. 1863 - People on their way to California collapse from heat while traveling across the desert, and rather than dying with humanity, they found Arizona. 1920 - God decides today is a good day to create Nazis, a few select Germans suddenly feel an unusual aversion to international Jewry. 1942 - Aliens attack the city of Los Angeles! (Pictured) They're confused for Japanese soldiers due to racism. 1978 - Five men disappear after attending a college basketball game in California. The bodies of four of them were actually clones of the same person. 2007 - Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe launches a spy satellite to perv on Kim Jong-un's sister, Kim Yo-jong. 2008 - Fidel Castro retires, spends the rest of his days smoking cigars and laughing at assassination attempts.
Today's featured picture This is NOT a potato. René Magritte's homage to Uncyclopedia. It could be a chipolata, actually; it's not a great painting either way. Image credit: Sannse View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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