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Today's featured article (new every day) She was one hundred sixteen years old and different from other girls. She wasn't notably pretty and was socially awkward. She was the only alien in her school, which didn't help her feelings of exclusion. But the tolerant people of her town for the most part saw past her glowing blue skin. Despite this all, she was in with the popular girls. Guys were cordial with her but nothing more. Drunken jocks at parties often dared each other to score with the alien chick. "Fifty bucks for the bro who scores some Pluto pussy" they said. They always failed. At parties she was so socially awkward that any guy coming near her would set off blue LED like lights in her cheeks. It is a biological trait Plutonian females have. It instantly freaks out any guy who gets near her. (Full article...) Recently featured: White people Finno-Korean hyperwar Wheeling Jesuit University Tenet (film) Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living? ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living? ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?	In the news The face of HATE! 4chan hacked, nobody cares Vatican commits simony YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE (Pictured) Scientists revive some dead wolves because they can Steve's Lava Chicken shut down due to health code violations Wayne Gretzky's all-time regular season goal record broken by Putin's Instagram buddyboo Donald Trump receives prestigious award for destroying the stock market Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence Kardashian and Ye do washed up things Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Everyone ditching some Disney live-action remake for A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • Americans scrambling last-minute to pay their taxes Recent deaths: Meghan Markle's Netflix show • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • The playoff bids of all New York State NHL teams Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Columbus Blue Jackets' playoff chances • Gawr Gura On this day... April 16: 42nd Josef Stalin Appreciation Day (World) 1560 BC - Moses forgets to take his schizophrenia pills and begins to hear voices. He takes off from Ur, resulting in all of modern humanity's problems. 1855 - Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln enjoy a night of mad passionate love. 1878 - Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is born. Baby Hitler shudders in his Baby Hitler dreams. 1934 - Eleanor Roosevelt uncharacteristically enjoys a hotdog. 1943 - The first "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest is held in the Soviet Union; Joseph Stalin wins unanimously. 1953 - Desi Arnaz slaps Lucille Ball, calling her an "estupit beach" on national television. 1991 - US federal law passed forbidding driving while spreading cream cheese on a bagel. 2006 - The Queen of England decrees that all Australians must wear cork underpants. 2011 - Encyclopedia Dramatica sadly returns within 2 days of its death.
Today's featured picture A WWI-era Jarhead recruiting poster helped to bring many new recruits into the beloved US Marine Corps. Image credit: One-eyed_Jack View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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