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Today's featured article (new every day) A Civil War is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. Civil wars are defined by a few chief characteristics. The Blitzkrieg Bop, for instance, was famous for its angular guitar rhythms and use of armor and dive-bombers to spearhead a motorized assault straight through the heart of an opposing force. Civil War, however, is based on these precepts: (Full article...) Recently featured: John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Kirkification Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that President Hoover (Pictured) was an actual hoover? ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes? ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men? ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked? ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe? ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter? ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured) ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack? ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal? ... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say. ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth? ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap? ... that President Hoover (Pictured) was an actual hoover? ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes? ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men? ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked? ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe? ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter? ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured) ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack? ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal? ... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say. ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth? ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap? ... that President Hoover (Pictured) was an actual hoover? ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes? ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men? ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked? ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe? ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?	In the news 1977-2026 US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again On this day... February 18: Penis Day (Tonga) 4000 BC - Men discover their hands reach down to their genitals, and there is peace for three thousand years before they get bored and start killing each other with pointy sticks. 1791 - American imperialists "liberate" the state of Vermont because of its vast maple syrup reserves. 1861 - Jefferson Davis is declared president of the Confederacy after saying the "hard R" N-word fifty times in only six seconds. 1885 - Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is published, its numerous grammatical errors are labelled by the publisher as a regional dialect. 1970 - The Chicago Seven are found guilty of being dirty commie hippies who might as well be guilty. 2010 - WikiLeaks publishes hundreds of thousands of classified documents revealing exactly where the U.S. keeps its nudes.
Today's featured picture Looking for protection for your stallion? Safe sex whilst getting your oats? Look no further than Trojan Horse condoms. For the serious rider. Available in "Large", "Extra Large" and "Ouch!". Image credit: sannse View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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