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Davey Jones has inspired us to sink and pillage 35,528 ships since we set sail in January 2005.

Before running out your guns, please read the ships charter and the pirates code or you'll be Walking the Plank.
If you scurvy dogs still are still a bit confused then speak to polly(sqwark, Pieces of Eight, Pieces of Eight)

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Merry Christmas everyone!

A Charlie Brown Christmas is a crudely-animated Christmas special, based on the comic strip Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz. The special's central theme involves a satirical critique of the commercialism of the holiday, building up to a plainly-spoken articulation of the true meaning of Christmas. Which is to say, the true true meaning rather than this lukewarm fuzzy "Let's all hold hands" bollocks most specials pass off as the meaning of Christmas. If you shed a tear at this special, it's because God ordains it.

The special was sponsored by The Coca-Cola Company, initially intended to be a mere cash-in on the lucrative Peanuts franchise. It was hastily written over a period of six weeks, and animated on a shoestring budget in only four. Its unconventional elements such as a jazzy underscore, monotone child actors as opposed to adult ones, absence of a laugh track, semi-satirical humor, and not treating the target audience like idiots led the producers to predict the special would be a disaster preceding its broadcast. Oh, how wrong they were. (Full article...)

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What were we getting up too in past years, Arghhhh!

French maid dingo.jpg

September 13: Secondary Bastille Day (France), Dress as a French Maid Day, New Jewish Year

  • Some 5768 years ago - God creates Jews as the world's first practical joke then sets them on fire and distinguishes them via urination.
  • 1753 - Mme Bastille opens an eponymously named cake shop in Paris. Rioting ensues.
  • 1768 - The first signs of a confusion which will shape a nation come when the Postman accidentally delivers 12 gallons of milk and eight pounds of flour to the Bastille prison and 7 condemned enemies of the state to Mme Bastille. According to historical records she made them a cup of tea and then undertake forced labour icing cakes for Louis XVI.
  • 1787 - Mme Bastille nearly goes bankrupt having wrongly anticipating a surge in demand due to the peasants actually going out and eating cake. She sacks Marie Antoinette as a strategy consultant.
  • 1789 - French revolutionaries storm the other Bastille. You know, the other one. It's just up the street from the first one, the one that we stormed already. No, not the tobacconist, next to that. Do I have to draw you a map?
  • 1789.2 - Wedding cake figurines cause confusion in the dark among overexcited revolutionaries and the battle to take the Bastille cake shop rages for 3 days as a result.
  • 1811 - Napoleon makes Secondary Bastille Day a pubic holiday throughout French occupied Europe. The British respond with well-bred disdain.
  • 1815 - A somewhat confused British man dies from keeping a stiff lower lip.
  • 1842 - American pro basketballer Shaquille O'Neal is born
  • 1889 - The centenary of Secondary Bastille Day is marred when the organising committee grudgingly admits they don't know where the Secondary Bastille is, and are not even sure if there ever was a Secondary Bastille.
  • 1910 - The grinch steals christmas from a clan of pot smoking little people
  • 1940 - A platoon of German soldiers is sent to occupy the Secondary Bastille. They are discovered ragged, starving and lost in 1952.
  • 1994 - President Bill Clinton initiates Dress Like a French Maid Day.
  • 1997 - Tupac Shakur dies six days after being shot in Las Vegas. Witnesses described the assailant as being dressed like a French maid.
  • 1999 - Lunar Bastille blown out of orbit by massive explosion at waste storage complex overloaded with cake, camembert cheese rinds, croissants, and taunted english kanigguts.
  • 2000 - Al Qaeda decides that "9/11" is catchier than "9/13." Plans are postponed almost a full year.
  • 2001 - To honor the victims of 9/11, Dick Cheney dresses like a French maid.
  • 2009 - Kanye West is sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time. OF ALL TIME, DOG.
  • 2010 - Taylor Swift wins at the VMA's again, except this time when Kanye West tries to bring his drunken ass up, she punches him in the nose, where he then falls on Beyoncé, who is so surprised, she screams, which alerts her bodyguards, who then tackle Kanye West and beat the crap out of him. That night he succumbs to his injuries, and Taylor Swift goes back up to the microphone. "I'm sorry, y'all, but Michael Jackson had one of the best deaths of all time! Of all time!"

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Pirate of the Month and Swabbie of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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