Babel:Gv

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Ahoy, me hearty and welcome to Pirateopedia (formally HMS Uncyclopedia), the duty-free encyclopedia that pirates can edit Arghh!


Davey Jones has inspired us to sink and pillage 38,238 ships since we set sail in January 2005.

Before running out your guns, please read the ships charter and the pirates code or you'll be Walking the Plank.
If you scurvy dogs still are still a bit confused then speak to polly(sqwark, Pieces of Eight, Pieces of Eight)

Buried Treasure:

Bilge Rats | Games | Marine Technology | Pirates | Grog | Coherent
Most Succesful Pirates | LLoyds List's | Other Ships...


President Abraham Lincoln reportedly typed the Emancipation Proclamation on his personal laptop.
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Marty (2).jpg

Marvinitus Martin Raymond Francisco Xiahou Sergei Magnus Barnabus Mahatma Felipe Gregorios Heinrich Jozef Habiboo Yertlebert Adelbert Chandler Stanislaus Bartholomew Constantine Maximillian Rutherford Cornelius Escobar Doritos Sanchez Agamemnon Hecatoncheires Horst Johannes Salvatore Jamal Muhammad Achmed Siegfried Giuseppe Abraham Roger Van Buren, better known simply as Marvin Van Buren, or even simplier as Marvin, and to the really lazy as just "Marv" was born the eleventh illegitimate bastard child to Martin Van Buren and his mate, Canadian physicist Raymond Von Funkenstein, who was notoriously better known as "The Face-Eating Baby Rapist." Needless to say, Raymond lacked any close friends.

Marvin was the only child to survive the insatiable hunger of his father who ate the rest of his siblings (Raymond stood idly by, making cocoa as this happened.) Many consider him to be very lucky to survive his dad's wippings appetite but Marvin considers himself unlucky, claiming "If I had been raped when I was a few weeks old, I would have never slipped on that dick when I was 27, because that was really embarassing." While Marvin's claims are technically valid, they've also been called "extremely stupid," "selfish" and "tasty."

When Marvin was old enough to crawl, he ran away from his crazy father into the woods where he was adopted by a creature resembling a cross between Bambi and a can of halved tomatoes. He was brought up to think, look, and act like the Bambi/tomato can hybrid but soon enough he murdered the creature because, as Marvin says "it was tryin to fuck with who I was!" He then made his way into Canada where he spent the rest of his unbelievably long life. (Full article...)

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What were we getting up too in past years, Arghhhh!

October 20: Run out of ideas for Uncyclopedia anniversaries day

This sign was erected on October 20th...no, wait, it was the 21st. Never mind.
  • 1735 - A French pot head trips on the remains of Napoleon, nobody gives a damn.
  • 1846 - Engrish troops invade Minnesota, realize they took a wrong turn on the way to France and turn around. Indians scalp and rape several.
  • 1864 - Abraham Lincoln issues the Emancipation Proclamation as a joke; unfortunately, nobody gets it.
  • 1965 - A flying saucer lands in California, Scientology briefly becomes popular, at least until the government fire bombed all the celebrities.
  • 1969 - Oscar Wilde is discovered painting a mosaic of Islamic extremists with his urine. Extremists eat sacred cows in retaliation. Gandhi is shocked and appalled, the movie Gandhi II is released as a result of real world events.
  • 1974 - End of an Oil embargo crisis: Most OPEC nations end a 5-month oil embargo against the United States, America tells them to fuck off; invents electric vehicles.
  • 1980 - The world was taken over by the governmen- er... um... Hey guys.. how are you? What with those guns pointed at my head?
  • 1982 - Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington, killing several million hikers and causing US$390 trillion in damage. Government cover up of the tragedy includes flying monkeys with super-soakers.
  • 1988 - Two U.S. Army roflcopters collide in Fort Campbell, Kentucky, killing 1337 squirrels.
  • 1990 - China begins plans to hack google and steal information on McDonalds cheeseburger prep.
  • 1990 - South Korean scientists recreate mohammed from cloned DNA of Chihuahua. The world fell into darkness.
  • 1998 - Beer first enters my stomach. Thousands rejoice.
  • 2005 - Screw this, I'm off.
  • π - The US Supreme Court declares that π has just as much of a right to be a year as any other year and declares the next 20 years to be the year π as back pay for this injustice over two millennia old.
  • 2006 - Actually, I think we have enough for today, but the rest of the month is going to be a pain, well, it's time to go "research" events.
  • 2012 - The apocalypse at the end of the world is discovered to have been caused by unyclopedia running out of ideas for anniversaries.


Archived doings

What be worrying the Land Lubbers


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"The tastiest fries you'll ever taste! Also they're actually McDonalds fries"

Ongoing: Russian InvasionIsrael-Hamas conflictUnited States presidential electionNFL seasonWorld Series
Recent deaths: Kris KristoffersonJohn AshtonRafael Nadal's tennis career • Liam Payne • The chances of a One Direction reunion • The New York Yankees' World Series appearance droughtYahya Sinwar
Upcoming deaths: Vladimir PutinKate Middleton • Your fantasy football team's playoff chances • Noam ChomskyGoogle as a monopoly • Fútbol seasonColdplay


Pirate Times


Arghh, I'll wagger you didn't know that...

From Uncyclopedia's roughest captains:

  • ... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?


Read More

Recent press ganged crew


More Recently press-ganged crew | Most wanted pirates | Requested Keel Haulings | Add to stumps | Marooned with nowt but a pistol and one shot | Help out the land-lubbers

Pirate of the Month and Swabbie of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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