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MADRID, Spain – A new exhibition of remains recovered from the ancient city of Pompeii have led academics to question what happened to cause such a decline in the size and shape of Italian cocks. Sculptures on display show the locals boasted penises of considerable note, around 12 inches in length, and with a helmet so pointy that experts are suggesting that they may have been used for hunting or fishing.
Such towering shafts are a world away from the cazzo of Michelangelo's David, sculpted 1500 years later in the same country. Measuring 1.2 inches, it has bemused art historians for centuries. Some explained its size away as a symptom of Michelangelo's sexual preferences. Famously, Brian Sewell wrote, "Any phallus, no matter how minuscule, can be a pleasant stimulant to the anus." Others claimed that it was due to the 17th century having a different aesthetic of the ideal man, or because of religious modesty. (Full news...)
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What were we getting up too in past years, Arghhhh!
What be worrying the Land Lubbers
Arghh, I'll wagger you didn't know that...
From Uncyclopedia's roughest captains:
Recent press ganged crew
Pirate of the Month and Swabbie of the Month
Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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