Babel:Gv

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Ahoy, me hearty and welcome to Pirateopedia (formally HMS Uncyclopedia), the duty-free encyclopedia that pirates can edit Arghh!


Davey Jones has inspired us to sink and pillage 40,984 ships since we set sail in January 2005.

Before running out your guns, please read the ships charter and the pirates code or you'll be Walking the Plank.
If you scurvy dogs still are still a bit confused then speak to polly(sqwark, Pieces of Eight, Pieces of Eight)

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President Abraham Lincoln reportedly typed the Emancipation Proclamation on his personal laptop.
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Foreign accent syndrome is a rare psychiatric disorder that, in its milder form, causes people it affects to pronounce words in a foreign accent. The disorder usually follows a brain injury caused by non-perforating head trauma, as perforating head trauma is much too gory for a proper mental illness. In extreme cases, victims of FAS can actually acquire knowledge of the foreign language associated with their new accent, slang terms and humorous exaggerated versions of national stereotypes included. A victim who develops a Lithuanian accent might acquire the Lithuanian language, tell other people to "Laizhyk asilo shikna", piss on bottles of Švyturys Ekstra, and date his sister.

As of the present, there is no known cure or treatment for FAS, and scientists have yet to completely unravel how the disorder works. People afflicted with the disorder are usually shunned within their community and turned into social pariahs. Fortunately, there are government sponsored programs that let victims of FAS assimilate in foreign countries where their accents are accepted. (Full article...)

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What were we getting up too in past years, Arghhhh!

You are likely to be eaten by a grue

March 1: International Grue Day

  • 1950 - Grues are first discovered living under couch cushions and inside tumble dryers.
  • 1964 - Grue farmers release a whole colony of Grues into the wild, to hunt them for their silky and fragrant hide.
  • 1972 - Louisiana Grue hunter and businessman Phil Robertson invents the Grue Call a whistle which imitates the dulcet mating call of the Grue.
  • 1974 - While protesting the selling of Grue hide, one hippie is accidentally eaten by a Grue. It was a one time thing, they only do that when they're hungry.
  • 1981 - The Grue population enters a rapid decline due to overhunting and a government campaign to vilify the grue.
  • 1999 - The Grue Relations through Understanding and Empathy (GRUE) organization is formed to combat harmful memes about Grues and their supposed danger to society.
  • 2001 - GRUE are all eaten by grues.


Archived doings

What be worrying the Land Lubbers


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He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Filesr/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad ArnoldNFL season • Winter OlympicsSome kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny titleJames Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert DuvallKurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse JacksonYouTubeTom NoonanEric DaneMelania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert CarradineWarner Bros. bidding war • Neil SedakaM-m-m-Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and other Iranian leaders

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy and snow handling capability • WeedDick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' MaduroIran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to rememberMexicoSmiling Friends


Pirate Times


Arghh, I'll wagger you didn't know that...

From Uncyclopedia's roughest captains:

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  • ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
  • ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
  • ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
  • ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
  • ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
  • ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
  • ... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!

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Recent press ganged crew


More Recently press-ganged crew | Most wanted pirates | Requested Keel Haulings | Add to stumps | Marooned with nowt but a pistol and one shot | Help out the land-lubbers

Pirate of the Month and Swabbie of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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