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Today's Featured Article

I am a free man. I understand that the first person singular is un-encyclopedic in tone but this language is absolutely necessary to establish my status as a sovereign citizen, beholden to no laws or government whatsoever. You might say, "You're above the law? What are you, some kind of Jew?" Well, I'm here to tell you (and by my willful volition establish joinder with you) that no one is under any "law".

You see, there is no government – only a giant maritime corporation with contracts called "laws" that the goddamn Feds have led you to believe control you. But they don't. The only real law that controls you is the natural laws of the universe and the Common law of the ancient English. All you have to do to reclaim your natural-born status as a freeman on the land is to say a few keywords to the police and the courts; they'll have no choice but to relinquish their kike-like grasp over you and cede to your superior logic and legal skills. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

*... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?

... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?

... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?

... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?

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In the news
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge (Pictured) NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced Santa's Elves on strike UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game? Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe) UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
April 19: Clitoris Awareness Day 1559 - Scholars at the University of Padua, Italy, discover the first clitoris in recorded history. 1775 - In a New York study on sexual behavior, researchers find the clitoris to be more important to sexual pleasure than the actual vagina, small penises find new hope. 1913 - The sale of vibrators are banned in France, due to electrical grid overload issues. 1957 - Oral sex becomes a popular alternative to intercourse, condom sales decline. 1998 - Windows 98 is released, memory leaks in the OS cause Bill Gates to be declared the world's "Biggest Clitoris". (Pictured) 1999 - Bill Clinton has a threesome and sorely disappoints, policy wonks tells Americans not to jump to conclusions. 2011 - Aperture Science launches new official holiday, supposedly better than Christmas. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

Children's books as they should be, without sugar-coating.

Image credit: Bonjo Nelson
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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