UnNews:NFL teams replace their female cheerleaders with gay dudes
Friday, August 22, 2025
NFL Headquarters-- Suck it up, pussies! Gay NFL cheerleaders are now the thing and you can't escape it!
Several teams, such as the New England Patriots and Minnesota Vikings, both of whom have faced identity crises after losing either lots of games lately or a heartbreaking playoff loss, have decided to embrace their gay side. Both teams have fired ALL their female cheerleaders and replaced them entirely with former or aspiring drag queens.
"I mean, ever since Tom Brady retired, we just haven't been able to exert our usual masculinity over the rest of the league," explained Patriots owner Robert Kraft. "And you know, the last five years of taking if from the behind from Josh Allen, Patrick Mahomes, and the new 'manly men' of the league, we decided to embrace it by having all gay guys for our cheerleaders! Does anyone really want to come to Gillette Stadium to watch nobodies like Mac Jones and now Drake Maye keep missing their throws? We gotta go where the money's at, and Boston is one of the most LGBT-friendly cities in America!"
Vikings owner Zigi Wilf said something similar. "We had hidden our gay side pretty good when the GEQBUS Sam Darnold surprisingly won us a lot of games. After he came out as a sucky quarterback in the playoffs then ran away to Seattle, we decided to embrace it too! Drag queens for everyone! Yaaasss!"
Conservative NFL fans rioted upon hearing of the news. Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, whose team is known for its "world famous" all-female cheerleaders, woke from his slumber to bash the all-male cheerleaders on his Myspace Account. But most teams with good rosters should not have this issue as fans are able to focus on their players, not the sideshow attractions. "Who needs cheerleaders, gay, straight, male, female, or whatever.. when you got a hunk of a quarterback in Josh Allen?" chimed in Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula, who got rid of his cheerleaders a long time ago.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Christian Arnold (17 August 2025). "Vikings' male cheerleaders hit back in social media post after fan backlash". The New York Post.