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Joshua Patrick "Fucking" Allen is an American hero playing quarterback for the Buffalo Bills and, depending on whom you ask, either God's gift to football or the biggest dunce on the planet. But those who call him a dunce are fuckin' Jabroni's. If you keep slandering the man, you haven't seen him sling the football around. Who cares if he had only a 45% completion rate in high school, or a 51% completion rate in his rookie year? His rookie year? Come on, stats are for losers. The man puts his team on his back and with that howitzer of an arm and running ability of a bear, watch out. He will impregnate every man and woman alike in the stadium with his mind-blowing play. Josh Allen looks good in shorts.
Oh, and he managed to help Buffalo win a bunch of games and played college ball in Wyoming of all places. But due to Patrick Mahomes simply existing, he still hasn't been to a Super Bowl. What a chad. Or dummy. Depending on who you ask. NFL Films calls him the "Winter Soldier", but no one knows where that nickname came from. Purportedly. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
- ... that you've just lost the game?
- ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
- ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
- ...that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?
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In the news
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All taxes, all vape, all Rayner.
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On this day...
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September 8: International Precision Day
- Sometime Someone invents like counting or something.
- 1, 2:05:32 PM: Counting is invented by a female human named Digits Counting, 1.745 meters tall, after 4 hours, 8 minutes and 16 seconds of thinking about the problem of shortening sales reports.
- 70, 6:12:55 AM - 11:03:44 PM Roman legions under the command of Titus sack Jerusalem.
- 1930 - 3M begins marketing Scotch transparent tape, which sells better than Scotch transparent crayon.
- 1950: The world's first sit-on lawnmower goes on display in Paris. Rioting ensues.
- 1962: Segregation is repealed.
- 1986:
Plurals Plural banned in the Netherland (formerly known as the Netherlands).
- 1992: Woman finds baby in dumpster. Declares her a daughter.
- 2000 - No one cares
- 2001 - They still don't care
- 2002 - Hey look!...nah, don't care
- 2003 - People start to care after free booze is supplied to them via the Red Cross.
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Writer and Uncyclopedian of the Month, and Noob of the Moment
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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| This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,619 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including April Fools/2014!:
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