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That old woman next door has owned her house since before you were born. Her house isn’t like anyone else’s house, because it’s really old, and has a tower. The siding is badly weathered, and there is a tin patch on the roof.
The old woman leaves her house twice each week. Every Sunday morning, she is picked up by a man in a green Cadillac; on Wednesday evenings, it’s a white-haired lady in a blue Dodge Dart, chewing on a German Snackard.
Once, your mother sent you over to her house with a piece of mail that got delivered to your house by mistake. Just when you got up on the porch and were about to put it in her box, she came out and grabbed your wrist and wanted to know "what you thought you were doing" with her mail. When you told her that your mother sent you over because the postman dropped the letter in your mailbox by mistake, she got this crazed look in her eyes, tightened the grip on your wrist, and said "we'll see about that." Then she let go of your wrist and disappeared inside. After that, if you found any of her mail left by mistake, you just threw it away, because you didn't want to have to deal with that crazy old bitch ever again. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
- ... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
- ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
- ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
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In the news
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On this day...
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Today's featured picture
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Africa is widely known by those in the US to be Earth's shittiest continent. For one thing, the land is wracked with hunger, poverty, disease, and genocide. It is also filled with monkeys, like those parks where they tear your car to shreds. Not a pleasant place, all things considered. (Rwanda sucks and has a very retarded name.)
Things from Africa include: zoo animals, human trials, like monkeys; lots of fruit...um... AIDS? AIDS is from there, right? And black people? Hey, is that where African Americans came from? Yeah? Well, who knew?
Image credit: Jordanus
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Writer and Uncyclopedian of the Month, and Noob of the Moment
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,619 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Pig Latin!
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