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Let's get one thing straight, my dear Wats-onium.
(Puffs cigar).
When you're talking magnetism, you're talking about me. I've got the highest magnetic moment of ANY naturally occurring element. You could call it a magnetic personality. I pull the facts right out of the air. Things are just drawn to me. Like you, and don't deny it. It's a gift, from me to you.
(Gestures to empty seat in front of desk)
In my pure, elemental form, I'm a bright, silvery character. Soft enough to be cut with a knife, IF you can get close enough. But I don't stay pristine for long.
(Coughs).
The streets of this world, this city, the damp air, they tarnish me, give me a yellowish oxide coat.
(Coughs again).
It adds character, and everyone loves character.
(Throws down cigar and picks up pipe). (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that Japanese ninjas are among those who have tried to find a way to get across the Great Wall of China? (Pictured)
- ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
- ... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
- ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
- ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?
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In the news
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Don't ask what any of this has to do with Christmas.
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On this day...
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Writer and Uncyclopedian of the Month, and Noob of the Moment
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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| This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 41,145 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including April Fools/2014!:
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