Babel:1337

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Threestrikesyourout.jpg

Three-strikes laws are statutes enacted by American states whereby after committing two crimes your third crime will, no matter how small, land you a life sentence. Although proving to be too liberal a policy for Texas to adopt, with the Lone Star State favoring the one strike law, it is a policy spread widely over America. This statue became very popular in the early 1990s when tri-offending was at its height, after careful consideration of the facts it was concluded that letting people commit two felonies was permissible but on the third they would be hammered for it. The name of the bill is such because of the occasion in which its inception was made. In 1994, on Tuesday afternoon congress posed the bill to a lethargic George H. W. Bush, for him to sign.

The three-strikes law is primarily to deter those who commit crimes from repeat offending. As one can see from the statistics it has been extremely successful in incarcerating those who commit petty theft, carry marijuana on them, or get a parking ticket. After the introduction of the three-strikes law prison warders began generally agreeing that their job had become at least twice as easy, as keeping someone who hasn't returned their video tape rentals three times in a row down is far easier than suppressing a murderer. (Full article...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

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DID Y0U KN0W...

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  • ... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured)
  • ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
  • ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
  • ... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
  • ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
  • ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
  • ... the muffin man?

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Britney Spears is a fucking Commie
Britney Spears is a Red.

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The Rite of Spring, you had to read the alt text to get it didn't you

April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day

  • 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria.
  • 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan
  • 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater.
  • 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards.
  • 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier.
  • 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths.
  • 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people.

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Zoloft Seppuku
Though Zoloft has been very successful in its ad for fighting depression on American television, it's had difficulty adapting its campaign for Japan.

Image credit: RadicalX
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Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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