Babel:1337

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MonkeyInFridge69.png

Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.

Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.

Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!

Hold on...

Why is my hair roller in here?

Wait...

This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?

Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.

Just a minute...

WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)

DID Y0U KN0W...

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  • ... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
  • ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
  • ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
  • ... that you just lost the Game?
  • ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
  • ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
  • ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
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  • ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)
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  • ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
  • ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?
  • ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
  • ... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
  • ... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail?
  • ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
  • ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
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  • ... that AMC's hit series Breaking Bad Wind (Pictured) featured the actors' real farts?
  • ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
  • ... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
  • ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
  • ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?
  • ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
  • ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
  • ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?

IN 7H3 N3W5

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"Come! Come support my tacky AI website!"

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein FilesWinter Olympicsr/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over

Recent deaths: Brad ArnoldNFL season • Lindsay Vonn's legSome kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny titleJames Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert DuvallKurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse JacksonYouTubeTom NoonanMcSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy • WeedDick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about

0N 7HI5 D4Y...

An exhibit of internet spam before the invention of adblockers

February 22: International Day of Spam

  • 1996 - Need money quick? Need money now? Get a Payday Loan today! It's not like you have a choice you poor piece of shit haha.
  • 1998 - Got bills you need to pay? Some student loans looming overhead? Donate some plasma to literal blood-sucking capitalists.
  • 1999 - There are hot singles in your area! I don't think you can do anything with that information, I just wanted to tell you.
  • 2001 - Retro fans! Buy a complete box set of every movie and television series released during the 1980s, only $25,999.99! comes in fourteen trucks.
  • 2005 - Buy the last 49,367 Blu-ray discs of Peter Jackson's opus King Kong, I don't know use it as tinsel it's starting to leak chemicals.
  • 2011 - Look like your best self, buy our signature collection of foundation and concealer, made from the ground up bones of the long extinct sea cow.

70D4Y'5 F347UR3D PIC7UR3

How Admins see Uncyclopedia
"After a while you don't even see the code any more. You just see dicks... penis... gay... euroipods..."

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Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Noobaward.png

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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