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The Buffalo Bills are a "professional" football "team". Their home is in Buffalo, New York. They are widely regarded as one of the most successful NFL franchises to exist ever. Their only championships where in 1964 and 1965 when they won two AFL titles. However, the Bills have not won any championships since the AFL–NFL merger, a move that many now consider "a huge fuck up". They were owned by a 93-year-old zombie man who refused to die named Ralph Wilson. In 2014 Wilson finally kicked the bucket, fucking zombie! Buffalo Sabres owner, oil fracker, and resident idiot Terry Pegula bought the team.

The Buffalo Bills are named after Buffalo Bill, a friendly man who lived in the woods all by himself. He would have guests over frequently where they would stay in a well he constructed in his home. They would stay for several days putting lotion on their skin. Bill then proceeded to skin them alive and wear their skin. The founders of the Bills felt this sort of behavior was admirable.(Full article...)

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DID Y0U KN0W...

... that the WWF is the only "sports entertainment" organization endorsed by PETA and Greenpeace? (Pictured)

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
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... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.

... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)

... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?

... that a smiling Joe Pesci is never a good thing? (Pictured)

... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?

... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)

... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?

... that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (Pictured)

... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
... no, you didn't! Stop lying!

... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)

... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies?
... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
... the muffin man?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV-based sitcom canned after people realize they can watch literally anything else • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too UNN3W5 – R4DI0 FR33 1UNC\|-\|**
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March 30: International Cleavage Day 13B BC - God creates the Milky Way after squeezing stellar matter out of her insanely big knockers. 1692 - Twelve women are burned at the stake for inciting men to sin with their exposed bra straps. 1867 - America buys Alaska from the Russians because of its stiff Mountain peaks and vast tracts of fertile land. 1945 - Woman wears clothing that shows cleavage. The husband beats her. 1950 - The first film in Indonesia gets released, known for having at least one uncensored boob scene. 1977 - Marvel Comics designs a bra with a nipple window, claims its a proud Kryptonian tradition. 2012 - Big butts are now in! But you still can't be more than 120 pounds. Hey, I don't make the rules. \/I3W 70M0RR0W – M0R3 4NNI\/3R54RI35...

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Think about what you're putting them through at such an impressionable age.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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