Babel:1337

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Ah, hello, hello, do come in. I have, of course, been expecting you; I have a most pressing concern which simply must be addressed.

I need more plants, you see. I mean, sure, I have a few already, but only a few; as you can clearly tell, that's not nearly enough. There is still counter space left, and windowsill space, and most especially floor space, which just will not do. No, it won't do at all, and that's why you're here, I presume? After all, why else would you be here, especially after the ad I put out? Need someone to help with a plant problem, it said, and here you are, to help with the plant problem. It's all quite perfect, working out rather dandily already.

And don't you worry; I do fully intend to compensate you for your troubles. I did say I would, didn't I? Otherwise why would you be here, and you did come all this way. Yes, this is all going to work out quite nicely. I can feel it in my bones: the plants are going to like you. So let's get to it, shall we? (Full article...)

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Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeene... President Partons turkey (Pictured) Girl remembers breakup song All too well Britpop fan's opinion on the Dexter revival Oscar the Grouch, Bert fired over vaccine mandates Windows 11 JBE will be hitting shelves just in time for Christmas ATeens reunite* 40 years later UnNews' exclusive interview with God R.E.M. members reunite, sign gigantic deal Patrick eats SpongeBob O.J. Simpson to make triumphant return to acting Citizen Kane sucks John Kerry comes out as a horse Supermarket thief: "Donkey Kong told me to" Mike Pence turns into a pickle It is all happening Lady Gaga's dogs stolen, returned Björk responds to Anti-Asian violence Stan Marsh presents: 2022 FIFA World Cup sucks ass Biden responds to North Korea's "Stink" complaints BMI songwriters (but not ASCAP) to receive vaccine Governor Cuomo from New York is screwed Grodin Museum reopens to public Old movies are suddenly offensive Northeast getting another blizzard Just another dead doper and a dirtbag dies Marilyn Manson removed from New Radicals hit Biden will recognize Hillary as 45th President UNN3W5 – R4DI0 FR33 1UNC\|-\|
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November 24: Pete Best's Birthday (UK) 1941 - Pete Best is kicked out of mother's womb. Mother auditions George Best as possible replacement in the family. 1955 - Learns to play drums. Snares, bass and drumsticks go off and socialize with one another, leaving Best out. 1962 - George stares icily at Best during a performance; Paul kicks his drum set during rehearsal; John hires Epstein solely to fire Best. 1962 - Best kicked out of the Beatles, house, and UK. Elizabeth II says her kingdom "wants to go in a new direction." 1970 - John, Paul, George and Ringo join Best in the "Ex-Beatles" group. 2012 - Best celebrates 50th anniversary of Love Me Do release. \/I3W 70M0RR0W – M0R3 4NNI\/3R54RI35...

70D4Y'5 F347UR3D PIC7UR3

Now showing at all good Middle-Eastern warzones near you!

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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