Babel:1337

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The Tour de France is a mythical cycling race which takes place in a gorgeous, endearing, and alcoholic-filled nation called France. It is one of the biggest sporting events in the world, rivalling the Superbowl and the Timbuktu Camelshoe throwing contest. It is said to be the supreme test of human endurance and grit, and the most gruelling cycling event in the world, despite the fact that the Vuelta a Espana and the Tour of Grabashloyshka are just as hard.

The first Tour was held in 342 BC and was raced on horse carriages. It was named the Tour de Gaul and was won by a youth named Asterix, who was heavily suspected of underhand magic. His personal druid Michelix Ferrarix had a sulphurous reputation on the matters of performance enhancing potions and bad haircuts. After a horse strike and the inevitable elephant stint, the race was finally run on actual bicycles in 1903 and won by French plumber Maurice Garin. Garin was distinctive for being a very hard man on his bike, not striking and looking as pale as death on all his photographs. (Full article...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

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Kicking pigeons is FUN!, featured on 16 May 2017: Featured version
Daily Mail, featured on 16 May 2016: Featured version

DID Y0U KN0W...

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  • ... that the bird is the word? (Pictured)
  • ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
  • ... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
  • ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
  • ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
  • ... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
  • ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?

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Trump declares COVID-19 a terrorist organization
The evil virus under a microscope

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The perfect man doesn't exi-

May 16: New South Welsh Independence Day (Australia)

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Little Miss Psycho
Children's books as they should be, without sugar-coating.

Image credit: Bonjo Nelson
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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