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MADRID, Spain – A new exhibition of remains recovered from the ancient city of Pompeii have led academics to question what happened to cause such a decline in the size and shape of Italian cocks. Sculptures on display show the locals boasted penises of considerable note, around 12 inches in length, and with a helmet so pointy that experts are suggesting that they may have been used for hunting or fishing.
Such towering shafts are a world away from the cazzo of Michelangelo's David, sculpted 1500 years later in the same country. Measuring 1.2 inches, it has bemused art historians for centuries. Some explained its size away as a symptom of Michelangelo's sexual preferences. Famously, Brian Sewell wrote, "Any phallus, no matter how minuscule, can be a pleasant stimulant to the anus." Others claimed that it was due to the 17th century having a different aesthetic of the ideal man, or because of religious modesty. (Full news...)
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October 27: National "Peeing Calvin" Bumper Sticker Day
- 1875 - Oscar Wilde decided to avoid his normal routine and go to the barbers before attending his routine denouncement
- 1956 - The Great One's first toenail grew in. Widely considered to be particularly unspectacular, this event is overlooked by hoards of Bushists who hold wild street parties, which begin with tea and quiet chatting and end in mass orgies. Oh, hee hee, I said a dirty word on the internet! Is that even allowed?
- 1998 - Mother of Pearl Sunday when several people attempted to create a zombie of Michael Jackson.
- 6000 - John F. Kennedy pees on Calvin.
- 2101 - Chuck Norris pees twice on Calvin. Then pees on Hobbes and Bill Watterson. Can you beat that John?
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!
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