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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.
Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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| *... That Hanukkah is the festivle of lights, and has been celebrated by kids for the same reason for several thousand years?
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- ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
- ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
- ... that the White House is really off-white?
- ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
- ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
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- ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
- ... that women get periods, but men get commas?
- ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
- ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
- ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
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- ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
- ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
- ... that the White House is really off-white?
- ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
- ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
|
- ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
- ... that women get periods, but men get commas?
- ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
- ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
- ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
|
- ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
- ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
- ... that the White House is really off-white?
- ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
- ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
|
- ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
- ... that women get periods, but men get commas?
- ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
- ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
- ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 26: Fast Food Day (U.S.)
- 1845 - Fast food, then called fasting from food, is invented in Ireland: millions starve due to new trend.
- 1940 - First McDonald's restaurant opens in San Bernardino, California, life expectancy drops to levels unseen since the Civil War.
- 1965 - Fox in Socks, the first depiction of a modern-day rap battle, is published by Dr. Seuss.
- 1994 - After complaints from vegans, McDonald's switches from beef fat to vegetable oil for their fries, vegans celebrate, give money to company that kills millions of cows.
- 1997 - Someone orders an iced coffee from Starbucks, destroys the economies of three South American countries.
- 2011 - McDonald's attempts to make Happy Meals healthier, billions of apple slices rot inside their teeny plastic bags.
- 2016 - New FCC regulations on misleading advertising forces Carl's Jr. to release new 30 second ad of a fat man crying, alone.
- 2018 - Wendy's delivers epic clapback against dumb bitch on twitter with sesame seed allergy.
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