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Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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| *... That Hanukkah is the festivle of lights, and has been celebrated by kids for the same reason for several thousand years?
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- ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
- ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
- ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
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- ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)
- ... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
|
- ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
- ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
- ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
|
- ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)
- ... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
|
- ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
- ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
- ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
|
- ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)
- ... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
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