User:THEDUDEMAN/Babel:Hanukkah

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Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge. Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one. Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again! Hold on... Why is my hair roller in here? Wait... This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill? Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault. Just a minute... WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...) Recently featured: Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... That Hanukkah is the festivle of lights, and has been celebrated by kids for the same reason for several thousand years? ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina? ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space? ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge? ... that this sentence is incomple ... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around? ... that this is why we can't have nice things? ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore? ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser? ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured) ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that every time you fall asleep, you die? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack? ... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst? ... that Earth is the best planet in the world? ... tennis isn't just a game? ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina? ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space? ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge? ... that this sentence is incomple ... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around? ... that this is why we can't have nice things? ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore? ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser? ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured) ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that every time you fall asleep, you die? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack? ... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst? ... that Earth is the best planet in the world? ... tennis isn't just a game? ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina? ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space? ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge? ... that this sentence is incomple ... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around? ... that this is why we can't have nice things? ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore? ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser? ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured) ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that every time you fall asleep, you die? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack? ... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst? ... that Earth is the best planet in the world? ... tennis isn't just a game?	In the news "Come! Come support my tacky AI website!" Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) • Melania Trump's big movie star career Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about On this day... February 22: International Day of Spam 1996 - Need money quick? Need money now? Get a Payday Loan today! It's not like you have a choice you poor piece of shit haha. 1998 - Got bills you need to pay? Some student loans looming overhead? Donate some plasma to literal blood-sucking capitalists. 1999 - There are hot singles in your area! I don't think you can do anything with that information, I just wanted to tell you. 2001 - Retro fans! Buy a complete box set of every movie and television series released during the 1980s, only $25,999.99! comes in fourteen trucks. 2005 - Buy the last 49,367 Blu-ray discs of Peter Jackson's opus King Kong, I don't know use it as tinsel it's starting to leak chemicals. 2011 - Look like your best self, buy our signature collection of foundation and concealer, made from the ground up bones of the long extinct sea cow.
Featured picture GI Jew: The Movie is a 2006 remake of the classic Torah! Torah! Torah! of 1967 fame. The remake underwent many names before GI Jew was chosen, including Hebrews with Hutzpah and Israel is Real. Image credit: RadicalX View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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