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I was thinking of The Pilgrim Fathers the other day; their fantastic voyage to a new world and the dangers they endured. And I wondered why would God place such obstacles in the way of the faithful? Why did He make their lives in England so uncomfortable that they would swap the warm ale of their homeland for the high seas? Of course, it seems obvious that just as God tested Abraham's faith by demanding he sacrifice his son, so the Pilgrims were forced to sacrifice the casual violence and binge-drinking of home to prove their worthiness to inherit the best that His creation could provide. And how He rewarded them; not just by providing their progeny with proficient dentistry, but by emptying an entire continent in front of them with the divine gift of firearms and the smallpox virus. Surely these God-fearing heroes were truly the men made in His image. Surely too, God gave our forefathers this new home so they could move away from men made according to less divine templates. Surely too He made them cross the Atlantic to put distance between them and those who perversely choose to worship Him incorrectly. Or not at all. With what interest must He have watched the progress of their tiny ship across His mighty ocean, His unseen hand guiding them through the uncharted waters. And then I thought about how God must see us all from his vantage point in the clouds. Scientists say that the Earth is 6,800 years old. Well, even the most compassionate of beings must get bored, with nothing to look at millennium after millennium but His own handiwork. (Full article...) Recently featured: Clairvoyance among dinosaurs Reddit Obscurantism Internal Revenue Service Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... That Hanukkah is the festivle of lights, and has been celebrated by kids for the same reason for several thousand years? *... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)? *... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? *... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)? *... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? *... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)? *... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?	In the news Stranger Things 5 teaser and release dates drop at Tudum (Pictured) Elevation Worship's Chris Brown filling in for mainstream Chris Brown until further notice Taylor Swift buys back her masters "Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard Qatar personally gifts Trump a plane Austria wins Eurovision MLB welcomes cheaters and pedophiles into HOF New cast and plotlines announced for longest running Filipino sitcom BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big." Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank PBS and NPR to lose funding Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!) Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers • NBA finals and Stanley Cup Recent deaths: George Wendt • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer • Carolina Hurricanes' choke job in the playoffs • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn Upcoming deaths: DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen On this day... June 3: Rhymes With Turd Day 1958 - The hit song by The Rivingtons, "The Turd is the Word" makes the top 40. 1971 - First invasion of the Kurds. 1977 - Melvin Rogers becomes first person to be arrested for DUI. How'd they know? His speech was slurred. 1980 - First all nude production of Richard the Third. 1990 - Name calling and liberal locker stuffing thwarts the first revenge of the Nerds. 1998 - The Rhymes With Turd day is officially abolished, putting an end to a day so absurd. 1999 - Damien Hirst tries making an internal rhyme with Hirst and Turd and is yelled at for being a ponce.
Featured picture 9-Eleven, a world-wide chain of convenience stores serving the needs of those who seek to overthrow whichever hated oppressor is in vogue at the time, is now owned by a conglomeration of businessmen operating out of Afghanistan for tax purposes. People often call them when they need fat. In a bun. Image credit: FreeMorpheme View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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