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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them. Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnGames:Garlic bread HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Foreign accent syndrome Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... That Hanukkah is the festivle of lights, and has been celebrated by kids for the same reason for several thousand years? ... that Wikipedia contains millions of articles written by countless anonymous contributors? (Pictured) ... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians? ... that Iran is all set to invade itself? ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off? ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink? ... that I am writing this from beyond the grave? ... that my mom's name is also Martha? ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank? ... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible? ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away? ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG* ... that Wikipedia contains millions of articles written by countless anonymous contributors? (Pictured) ... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians? ... that Iran is all set to invade itself? ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off? ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink? ... that I am writing this from beyond the grave? ... that my mom's name is also Martha? ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank? ... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible? ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away? ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG* ... that Wikipedia contains millions of articles written by countless anonymous contributors? (Pictured) ... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians? ... that Iran is all set to invade itself? ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off? ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink? ... that I am writing this from beyond the grave? ... that my mom's name is also Martha? ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank? ... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible? ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away? ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*	In the news World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity On this day... March 23: Take Your Fish To Work Day 139 AD - Roman historian Erraticus publishes the fourth version of Life of Trajan, this one portaying Trajan as an emperor and retracting the previous version's claims that Trajan was a talking donkey. 1097 - St. Peter's Basilica was first used outside of the Vatican city during the first Crusades. 1952 - Beloved British children's author Enid Blyton publishes her most famous work, The Three Golliwogs. Please don't google it. 1956 - Pakistan declares itself to be an Islamic Republic, which is like the Old Republic except without the Jedi. 1962 - Dozens of women march on Washington D.C. to politely request feminine rights, their husbands sit at home without their supper. 1974 - The last dirty liberal is sent to serve in the Vietnam War, rendering America a perfect utopia of conservatives for nearly eighteen months.
Featured picture Some modifications have been made to the newest translation of the Holy Bible. In this scene (often called "Palm Sunday"), Jesus is now riding a raptor. While this was partially made to help make Jesus more accessible to Today's children, the decision was also made because certain Christians didn't want people to be able to say that Jesus was "riding someone's ass" that day. Both scientists and fundamental Christians question the historical accuracy of this account. From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE) Image credit: Tshell View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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