User:THEDUDEMAN/Babel:Hanukkah

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For every 10 production workers a company has, there needs to be at least one employee who stands there with his arms folded and watches them. However, in modern times, it's not uncommon to have a single yet highly devoted control freak to supervise scores of employees. HowTo: Be A Production Manager is the perfect guide for anyone who finds themselves thrown into this lucrative position through nepotism, extortion or influential friends. A Production Manager essentially acts as the liaison between the office staff and the dregs of society known as production workers. The unpleasant part of the job is that sales and management are able to use you as the focal point of their rage, due to the inherent responsibilities of the position, and the traditional purpose of the Production Manager is to transfer that abuse to the bottom of the employee food chain. When you play your cards right, everyone will be fighting amongst themselves and the winds of blame shall never touch your sails. (Full article...) Recently featured: Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... That Hanukkah is the festivle of lights, and has been celebrated by kids for the same reason for several thousand years? ... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured) ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin? ... that sheep shrink when it rains? ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists? ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else? ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more? ... that video games have been linked to aggressive behavior in teenagers? (Pictured) ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once? ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out? ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke? ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it? ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now? ... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured) ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin? ... that sheep shrink when it rains? ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists? ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else? ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more? ... that video games have been linked to aggressive behavior in teenagers? (Pictured) ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once? ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out? ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke? ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it? ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now? ... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured) ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin? ... that sheep shrink when it rains? ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists? ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else? ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more? ... that video games have been linked to aggressive behavior in teenagers? (Pictured) ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once? ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out? ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke? ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it? ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?	In the news He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico On this day... February 23: Vin Diesel Saying the Word "Family" Day 1455 - The Gutenberg Bible is first printed, God brags that he is now a published author. 1923 - Werner Heisenberg plans to describe the uncertainty principle to his peers, but is unsure if they'll like it or not. 1941 - Scientists first create Plutonium, but instead of getting cool superpowers they just get cancer and die. 1947 - The International Organization for Standardization is founded to make Americans feel insecure about the customary system. 1999 - Kurdish leader Abdullah Öcalan is sentenced to death by Turkey due to mustache jealousy. 2015 - Vin Diesel (Pictured) says the word family so many times it doesn't even sound like a word anymore.
Featured picture Exodus 32: 15 And Wilde turned, and went down from the mount, and the two tables of the testimony were in his hand: the tables were written on both their sides; on the one side and on the other were they written. 16 And the tables were the work of God, and the writing was the writing of God, graven upon the tables. Image credit: Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron. View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You only have 5 (five!) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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