User:THEDUDEMAN/Babel:Hanukkah

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Mathematics (from Greek άθημα máthēma, “knowledge, study, learning”) is the systematic torture of students disguised as the study of quantity, structure, space, and change. Mathematicians seek out patterns and formulate new conjectures, trying to make sense of the universe by examining these abstract concepts, determining common traits, and then experimenting to see if this advanced knowledge will help them get women into bed. These conjectures are often faulty, and this subsequent failure is referred to as mathematical proof. Galileo Galilei (1564–1642) said, "The universe cannot be read until we have learned the language and become familiar with the characters in which it is written. It is written in mathematical language... Without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth". He was also condemned by the church for heresy, and the only surviving body part of his is his middle finger on his right hand. This is currently kept at the Museo Galileo in Florence, Italy, allowing him to give the finger to the Catholic Church from beyond the grave. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... That Hanukkah is the festivle of lights, and has been celebrated by kids for the same reason for several thousand years? ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured) ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win? ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem? ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit? ... that in Israel, chess sets contain rabbis rather than bishops? (Pictured) ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ... that I'm better than this person in particular? ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives? ... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down? ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have? ... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet? ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured) ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win? ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem? ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit? ... that in Israel, chess sets contain rabbis rather than bishops? (Pictured) ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ... that I'm better than this person in particular? ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives? ... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down? ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have? ... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet? ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured) ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win? ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem? ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit? ... that in Israel, chess sets contain rabbis rather than bishops? (Pictured) ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ... that I'm better than this person in particular? ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives? ... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down? ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have? ... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?	In the news Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • *DMV* - the TV show, not the actual DMV. It ended on a cliffhanger: Everyone was still waiting for their number to be called. • Mr. Strickland Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora On this day... March 29: National Treason Day 30 AD - Judas Iscariot betrays his best friend Jesus for a Coke, gets a Pepsi from the Sanhedrin instead. Heartbroken, he hangs himself. 1792 - King Gustav III of Sweden is assassinated when conspirators remove the structural dowels in his HATTEFJÄLL office chair. 1847 - American troops sack the Mexican city of Veracruz, steal the secrets of the fish taco from its denizens. 1857 - Indian Sepoys mutiny against the British after being forced to endure their take on Indian cuisine. 1951 - Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are arrested for giving the Soviet Union secrets of the nuclear family. 1973 - William Calley, U.S. Army officer responsible for the My Lai Massacre, is given numerous high-fives for his "epic" K/D ratio. 2019 - The United Kingdom leaves the EU, as per the deal, the entire British Isles will be towed into the Bermuda Triangle.
Featured picture A great disturbance was recorded in the historical community today when what appeared to be a preliminary version of the Michelangelan Fresco that decorates the Sistine Chapel was found spraypainted on a remote alleyway in Rome. Notable historians whatsisname and thatguy said it was due to Michelangelo's intense desire to be accepted into the Renaissance art movement, which they say "required a fair amount of street cred." Image credit: Zombiebaron View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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