A crush on a girl who is not single
A crush on a girl who is not single, often acronymized as ACOAGWINS, is a disease found amongst heterosexual men and lesbians only. The disease is especially common throughout men in their adulthood and in teenagers. Accounts of the disease can be recorded in kids aged seven-12, right before teenage years. Amongst men, this disease is found mostly in bisexuals and heterosexuals, and rarely in homosexuals; amongst women, this disease has almost been exclusively found on homosexuals.
The disease only happens when the girl is not single. Hence the "not" in the disease's name.
The disease is caused when a male is infected with an almost incurable germ called an "attraction" towards the female gender of the homosapient species. This happens when they set sight upon mostly one and sometimes numerous females. When the affection infection becomes stable within the victim's body (after reaching the heart, brain, hands, and testosterone and remains there untreated for even just a mere couple of weeks) the "attraction" becomes classified as a "crush". When one becomes infected with a "crush", the victim will start to show the symptoms of ACOAGWINS. (More on symptoms can be learned about below)
Many consider the "crush" stage as the confirmation for becoming infected with ACOAGWINS disease.
ACOAGWINS, though not always occurring, can kill another living matter. However, not all accounts are directly caused by the germ itself. Rather the result of one being infected with ACOAGWINS and acquiring the harmful and disastrous results of the disease; becoming involved in watching the girl who gave you the disease.
Symptoms[edit | edit source]
The symptoms of ACOAGWINS is easily discovered when one becomes infected. Sometimes, though, it is not. Shy males tend to be the majority of the infected victims who do not have the symptoms discovered within early stages. Altogether, there are three stages.
The symptoms are easily discovered, but however, the time between becoming invaded by the affection germ at first and becoming completely infected with the disease is extremely small. The window is widely considered to be even smaller than that of heart transplants.
The symptoms that are easily identified include the beginning of the victim staring at the "crush", (which in when used as a description towards the girl means it doesn't refer to the stability of the affection germ) becoming sweaty when around the crush, attempting to say hello to the crush, and furious masturbation to her Facebook pictures. Also, another symptom that is detected is anger from the victim after he discovers the crush is taken.
Arguably the most difficult event in which one might not detect symptoms of a nearby victim is when the girl is not single and the surrounding humans do not have much knowledge of this relationship status.
Stage two symptoms consist of relapses one symptoms plus results of the anger symptom within the first stage. These being depression, feeling of being forever alone, and being mad at the girl's partner. They can become a dangerous trait for the victim when something occurs in the crush's relationship that holds positivity (to most people) such as getting engaged or having intercourse. Stage two symptoms may clear up on their own, but it may take months or years before this occurs. In most cases, they rapidly progress to stage three.
Stage three symptoms include personality changes including going from a happy guy always on top of stuff to a guy who can't stop crying. They may also include giving up on finding love, rage against the girl's boyfriend or husband which may cause murder or assault, and a severe depression which causes suicide. In fact, over 80% of those infected with ACOAGWINS disease have around a similar percentage in the risk of suicide or self-harm.
Aftereffects and progressions[edit | edit source]
The aftereffects are considered present after the confirmation of containing the disease. No longer any "symptoms" are considered as warning signs when the disease is confirmed. Instead, they are considered the aftereffects or results of the disease.
The disease lasts until the guy ceases to have a craving for the female, which may never occur. But when it does, it most commonly occurs after years. In a minor case of this disease, it may just be a matter of months. Another cure of this disease occurs when the girl becomes single. On numerous accounts, the reason for singleness can be traced back to a murder of the girl's previous partner. In these cases, almost always it is confirmed to be the victim of ACOAGWINS disease who murdered the girl's ex.
If the disease is still currently unconfirmed, then the following are factors in progression of symptoms.
The aftereffects/progressions are based on five things: the girl, the girl's boyfriend or husband, the girl's relationship, the crush that the victim has on the girl, and last but not even close to least, the disease itself.
The girl[edit | edit source]
The quality of the girl tends to determine the severity of the symptoms or aftereffects. A fine girl is more likely to cause more jealousy and envy in stage one and cause a worse depression or anger in stage two. Her personality is likely to cause worse symptoms and aftereffects in the later stages. Her "tightness" is widely considered the most gruesome symptom influence and/or aftereffect of them all, which can cause serious accounts of rape; successful or not.
With the quality of the girl, many other factors can also determine the severity of the symptoms or aftereffects alike. How much the victim has a thing for the girl will determine how long the disease lasts. If the victim has a larger crush on the girl, then the disease is more likely to be severe than if the victim doesn't really like her that much. But with this, there is still many more factors that are and are being discovered.
The girl's partner[edit | edit source]
His quality and how much he actually deserves the girl will determine which symptoms occur in stages two and three. It will also determine aftereffects. If the woman's partner does not deserve her, in cases of abuse, or just not being a good "ladies' man", or possibly other things, then the symptoms or aftereffects are more likely to be on the side of anger, rage, and violence against him due to unfairness. This is how the disease is able to kill people who are not even victims, as mentioned previously.
On the other note, a guy who deserves her more is more likely to cause depression, the feeling of being forever alone, giving up on finding love, and the infected victim's suicide by any means necessary.
The girl's relationship[edit | edit source]
This plays a huge role in the progression from stage to stage and also in aftereffect material. If the victim had his girlfriend stolen away from him, then there is a larger chance of the disease being started up in later stages and as a result being more likely fatal in terms of aftereffects. If they were together before the victim started liking her, then the disease is more likely to stay on the mild side of aftereffects and so on.
Treatment[edit | edit source]
Currently there is no forced cure for ACOAGWINS. The only drug available is alcohol, and alcohol only treats the symptoms. It also has some bad side effects. Alcohol may also speed up the progression at times as well as make the disease less likely to go away.
Other than that, the only "natural cures" can only be determined by person infected with ACOAGWINS. Weekly checkups with the doctor are highly recommended to record the chances of a natural cure and also reduces the chances of heartbreak.
Another known ACOAGWINS "over-the-counter" reliever is the event in which an other girl or other girls begin to fall for him. If this is the case, the girl(s) can be confirmed with having a crush on a dude who is single, or ACOADWIS, a more positive disease which may cause a crush on a girl who is single, or ACOAGWIS, in someone diagnosed with ACOAGWINS.
Prognosis[edit | edit source]
ACOAGWINS does not provide lasting immunity because the victim may begin to acquire the infection of ACOAGWIS or another case of ACOAGWINS. Death occurs in 0.001% of minor cases. Writing songs about the disease may occur in songwriters and performers. This is a highly effective reliever for the disease if they reveal it to the girl. There is a possibility of it backfiring if the writer of the song cannot sing.
In most cases if the girl and her boyfriend break up, then the disease will still continue until the victim finds out that she is single. However this depends on whether the victim still has the infection directed towards that particular girl. Once the victim finds out, it has been proven that aftereffects and symptoms immediately stop. A burst of happiness occurs in 67.2% of all cases that end this way. If the girl gets another boyfriend, then the victim is more likely to suffer from a more severe version the second time around than the first. It has been recorded that in these types of occurrences, 94.69% of the victims commit suicide or become reliant on self-harm. In this case, it has been recorded that some who turned to this relief method carve the girl's name into their arm. It has also been recorded that these records of carving names into arms also consist of heartbreak haikus, some written in Japanese.
[edit | edit source]
As mentioned earlier, ACOADWIS and ACOAGWIS are similar, milder diseases that are more easily cured.
There is also a counterpart to ACOAGWINS disease, being ACOADINS disease. Scientifically known as A crush on a dude who is not single disease. This disease has the gender of the victim be a girl rather than a guy (except in gay man cases or bisexual cases of men) and the offender who caused the disease is not a man but a girl. However, depending on sexuality, it still could be a guy. The same for ACOAGWINS disease.
On the other side, due to the lack of female attention here at Uncyclopedia, we do not carry any details on ACOADWINS disease or ACOADWIS. If you need details on the disease, please consider finding a site that isn't run by nerds. Not that nerds never get laid or anything. CARRY ON.
