HowTo:Survive the alignment of faggotry

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A bunch of pegasisters awaiting for the true form of faggotry and the ruination of the internet.

As you are aware, faggotry in the world is starting to align. As you can see, the world's furfags, bronies, 16 year old girls, 13 year old boys, counter productive elitists and the fat, nasty, autistics that you rarely see but are in your neighbourhood are beginning to gather into the internet trying to engage into a day-long chat. This is known as the alignment of all faggotry. The internet will perish as we know it, for the faggotry only align to welcome the true form of faggotry (his name shall not be spoken) and the total ruination of the internet into us. In most internet organizations, this event is referred to the end of the internet as we know it, but such is not the case. It is, in fact, an glorious event to awake the greater internet saint to destroy all faggotry, and slay the true form of faggotry which has deluded the internet since the eternal September.

The sign of the align of faggotry and the ruination of the internet

It's hard to tell the forces of faggotry aligning as most of the forces will be hiding in basements IRL. However there are five signs of the aligning of faggotry to let it be known that the true form of faggotry is returning. However, if you want to know at any time, you can see the progress in #GRADIUS in irc.rizon.net (it's a hidden channel) and #devart in deviantart.

The legion of faggotry

After the align of faggotry succeeds, the faggotry will merge into a giant demon (actually 12 feet tall) which will destroy us all. This demon has the head of Twilight Sparkle, the hair of Hatsune Miku, the fur, hands and feet of Krystal, the grossly enlarged breasts of some fetish hentai girl, the wings of a seraphim, and the cock of a horse. Despite the fact that some sick fuck might want to put it in it's fap folder, they are all looking for death, as it has the ability to destroy all sane people in it's existence just by looking at them. Once released, it will start hunting for normal people and absorb them into it's breasts, which connects to the plane where the true form of faggotry resides before it's awakening. Then these people will be converted into the soldiers that will be used against the true internet saint in the war. Eventually after a month, it will return into the plane via the server of deviantART and will motivate the false internet saint.

How to survive

Do not open a file known as unicorns.py sent at the first day after the align of faggotry succeeds. It is sent to every single computer with an internet connection at that day with the title "Facebook promotion-celebrating our <insert year here> anniversary". if you do, you're dead without an exception. the script is opened once the email is read without clicking any links. It cannot be completely deleted in any way so don't open it. if you open it, press the back button before it fully loads. The file is actually the portal where the legion of faggotry lurks in.

The false internet saint

This is speculated to be the false internet saint.

The false internet saint is an insidious ethereal being who deludes the internet and manipulates the anti-faggotry legion from the inside. It too comes from the plane where the true form of faggotry resides, but is human looking and human sized. When it gets released, it will present itself into 4chan and start organizing attacks against faggotry hives such as fimfiction and deviantART using his superb hacker and trolling skills. He will be loved by many. However, little knows that the false saint is a no-true scotsman and is actually fapping to furry and pony rule 34 when he is not trolling. Then, he will proceed to manipulate sites such as Encyclopedia Dramatica into worshipping him and start breaking the legion from inside. Then, the legion starts to fail every raid they run because their numbers have slowly degenerated as many anons start abandoning their former capitals. After the anti faggotry forces are broke and one day before the great phenomenon is coming, it will suddenly vanish from the internet and netkind will be left helpless.

How to survive

Oppose him, but don't be a over-enthusiastic hater. Spread the truth. Not many people will accept you, but those who actually accept you will be saved by the greater internet saint as the signs end. If you happen to reside in 4chan, don't engage in any flamewars that are bound to happen. Just lurk. By joining them, you are just being manipulated. Just retain common internet logic and you should be able to survive this.

The great phenomenon

After the false internet saint vanishes, the world will be helpless to all forms of faggotry. One day later, some cartoonist will reboot monster high and while it is supposed for 16 year old girls (which is supposed to be the lowest class of the internet), it gets spread by a minion of faggotry disguising as a human in the /co/ board at one day after the false internet saint vanishes. During a period of 10 hours, 98% of netkind will be converted into brosteins and draculauras. This is a raw, uncondensed form of faggotry which is 120% more faggy than my little pony and anybody watching the reboot will not survive. The brosteins and draculauras spaz out more "catchphrases", "memes" and Rule 34 than any fandom on this world and you can get affected just by watching anything related to it. And unlike some bronies which can successfully regain humanity, if you ever come into contact with this show, there is no chance that you can get your humanity back. Even great heroes who once successfully protected humanity from faggotry will fall and be converted. This sign is imperishable, but the minion who started it all will return to it's plane at the September after 2 years and call forth the everlasting September.

How to survive

A picture of two converted humans. You know what to do.

Do not surf the net at all costs at the day after the false internet saint vanishes. Continue on normal life and do what you are supposed to do aside of surfing the net. If you go to 4chan, Reddit, any IRC channel and other high traffic sites there is a good chance that you will get converted. DO NOT watch anything moving related to monster high as well, as you will have a 10 out of 10 chance of getting converted. Once you get converted, just fucking kill yourself.

The everlasting September

An everlasting newfag caught in the act.

The everlasting September is a dark force which creates and floods the internet with unbridled, 12 year old faggotry. 2 years after the phenomenon started, the minion of faggotry who started the phenomenon will call forth a form of newfaggotry never heard on the internet. Legions of 7-12 year old kids will rush onto the internet and unleash the wrath of faggotry itself, overwhelming even the most mature of netkind with obscene amounts of stupid and fail. They overwhelm YouTube with their MS-paint drawn shipping videos, they overwhelm Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia with their one-liners, they overwhelm Pixiv with shitloads of ms-paint drawn faggotry, and they bring ruination to all they touch. At October, the newfags will recede to their plane, humanity will be weakened and this will enable the true form of faggotry to send out the "undefeatable" bosses for the final shot.

How to survive

Just ignore the newfags. They are not worth fighting against, and their stupid will overwhelm even the tallest and strongest of netkind without an exception. If you happen to get swarmed by them, don't fight back. These locusts are weak-willed and will quit after 3 days of ignoring. Obviously someone will be foolish enough to fight back, and they will surely be overwhelmed unlike the smart ones.

The "undefeatable" boss(es)

At October, the newfags will return to their plane and enable the true form of faggotry to send their strongest troops to land the final shot. There are 3 "undefeatable" bosses total.

The first "undefeatable" boss

The first "undefeatable" boss

Touhoufags should be familiar to the first boss. Before the boss appears, the sky will turn dark and a red moon will appear regardless of the time of the day. Then a 6 year old (actually more than 500 years old) girl with bat wings and a weird bath hat will appear from a portal. Whatever you do, DO NOT be fooled by it's cute looks, it can annihilate you in less than 3 seconds and it most likely will. The US army will send over half of their infantry to destroy this menace, but none of them will be ever heard of again. Fortunately for any interwebs user, it is the easiest to defeat of the 3 bosses.

How to defeat the first "undefeatable" boss

To beat this boss, you must not be;

• A Pedophile. If you are, you will most likely end up dead.
• A Weeaboo. You most likely won't end up beating your own idol anyway if you are one.

Now, for defeating this boss. This boss cannot be destroyed by any conventional weapon known by any sane people. However, you might be notified that how much rule 34 of it exists over the years. Harvest the essence of them (which should be a purple sludge; do not handle it directly as your hand will melt) and merge all of them into a rocket launcher missile. Shoot quickly before the insane amounts of bullets get you. It should now forcibly explode.

After you defeat it, the sky should become normal again; but it's not over.

The second "undefeatable" boss

A photo of what is rumored to be the pony goddess pre-awakening. It appears to look like one of our editors.

The second "undefeatable" boss is the pony goddess. This is NOT to be confused with Lauren Faust, as this is a pure-bred minion of faggotry sent to reap the souls of all non-bronies. Unlike most ponies it has no use for love and tolerance; it's sent to annihilate everything that is not a brony. It is a white pony with rainbow seraphine wings, red, glowing eyes, two dragon like tails, a giant, rainbow unicorn horn on the forehead, and twin levitating cannons. It is impervious to all conventional weapons and can only be beaten by anti-faggotry weapons due to it's rainbow magic shield. It can even survive several nukes due to this.

How to defeat the second "undefeatable" boss

To beat this boss, you must not;

• Be a brony. If you are one, just fucking kill yourself.
• Have been laid. Only virgins can kill unicorns. However, if you are reading this, you should be a virgin already. Good job!

First, you will have to remember that it is invincible to all conventional weapons. Only anti-faggotry weapons can beat it. If you don't have one, it can be found at former anon capitals.

Now, into the boss. You HAVE to actually confront this one, which is quite difficult. It does not have an attacking pattern, and most of its attacks are difficult to dodge.

• Its first attack is to shoot a lot of large rainbow balls with the twin cannons and the twin cannons can rotate at any direction. Keep running and rolling away from the rainbow balls and they will fail to hit you.
• Its second attack has it grow a giant, rainbow throbbing horsecock and try to impale your anus with it. if you get hit by this attack, your anus will implode and you die instantly. It will try to circle you and stop when you turn behind, so pretend you are unwary when it tries to circle you and roll the fuck out instantly; any sooner or later and you are dead.
• Its third attack will have it's twin cannons shooting lasers, moving in a circle and following you. again you will have to constantly roll around.
• Its fourth attack has it flying into high air and it's wings rotating towards you. It will then bombard you with lasers. The lasers are homing, so you'll have block the lasers with a good shield.

At half HP, it will summon a familiar which constantly follows you and can kill you instantly, so keep moving!

The third "undefeatable" boss

The third "undefeatable" boss in it's awakening

The third boss starts itself by hijacking a master computer in Cape Canavernal, Florida. A powerful surge of virtual power will travel to it's host and nothing can stop it. From that, it produces a laser beam eyed virtual man which is indestructible to every single weapon as it is a virtual being and they will pass through it without doing any harm. To end this menace, you must destroy the master computer.

How to defeat the third "undefeatable" boss

Any non-converted person can beat this boss as long as they are in Florida. The virtual man will be too busy destroying the world with his 1337 hax0r skills before you reveal the core of the master computer, so you will be free to destroy the master computer's monitor at that time. Once the monitor gets destroyed , it will send an alarm and the virtual man will appear to attack you. You will have to destroy the master computer's core in order to defeat the boss. The computer does not attack, but the virtual man has these attacks:

• White flash. The virtual man will teleport to the center and glow white. Get the fuck out within 10 seconds, or you're gonna get pwned. Hide in an emergency exit and don't hide in any other room, or mechanical walking turrets will cause you more trouble. After 10 seconds, the virtual man will make a bright-ass flash that kills anyone close enough to it.
• Laser-beam eyes. The virtual man's eyes will glow white and he will shoot a continuous stream of lasers from its eyes while following you. DO NOT TRY to run away as he will overrun you. Instead, step back and block the lasers with a good shield.
• Gatling gun. His arm will turn into a gatling gun and he will start shooting in his place. Duck under the computers and it cannot hurt you.

At half HP, his white flash can pass through walls so stay away from any door. Make sure you land hits to the core while you dodge the virtual man.

After all 3 bosses are destroyed, it will enrage the true form of faggotry and he will start to prepare a final attack against humanity.

Before the war

Before the war, over 99% of humanity will be converted to faggotry, and the amount of humans remaining in the internet will reduced to about 160. Flamewars will be everywhere in the internet, productivity will be hard-stopped by counter productive elitism; all forms of faggotry will run rampant; the majority of the world's population are either brosteins, bronies, furfags, or any combination of the three, and internet cults gather together praying for the return of the greater internet saint. The internet is in it's complete ruination; it leaves no traces of it's previous self and is now simply a bed for faggotry to infest itself. The imperishable September will arise only to pave a way for the upcoming war.

How to survive

Don't go to high traffic sites like Pixiv, deviantART, Reddit, Wikipedia, and YouTube. There is a 99% chance of you getting infected. And for god's sake, don't go to any IRC channel. You will most surely get converted like a autist. Even Japanese and Chinese sites are not spared from the wrath; so be prepared to wash, spam, troll and hack.

The war itself

The war itself will be started at 00:00 after 3 months of the 6th sign. The internet's faggotry and heroes will battle themselves in a gigantic ragnarok. Even long-slept spirits such as Grawp, Greenreaper, Lyrithya, and Chronarion will miraculously revive themselves and fight to the end. Bots will be used in order to create mass destruction. Admins banhammer trolls, but trolls keep getting back with proxies. Furfags, brosteins and bronies occupy all major sites, while the internet heroes used guerrilla tactics and destroy place to place. After 8 weeks of unrelenting battle, the true form of faggotry will appear and attempt to conquer the world. The heroes would be defeated, but at the worst moment, the true internet saint would appear and uses it's 1337 powers to destroy the soldiers of faggotry and destroy the true form of faggotry with great might. It then seals it into the deepweb, inacessible by all. The seal will last for eternity and there is no way to break it. After then, the internet heroes will be revived and a new internet is born.

The theme of the final war

How to survive

You cannot; the forces of faggotry will find you and get you, but you can fight back by creating bots and conjoining heroes in their invasions. You will eventually lose, but you can help weaken faggotry in the progress. If you do well in the fights, you will get revived.

Credits

Credits to the internet cult E-sanctuary who helped us to get the information.

See Also

• HowTo:Survive the Meerkats' Alignment - where this article's idea comes from
• HowTo:Survive the Gamingpocalypse - Another related apocalypse event
• End of the world