Cornography Addiction
“I can't stop my addiction!”
“Can't stop, addicted to the shin-dig”
Cornography addiction is a conjectured condition resulting from the overuse or abuse of corn. As "overuse" and "abuse" in terms of cornography have never been quarantined by any medication, nor has any consumption of corn shown a potential link between consumption and illness, the condition is not classified as a disease.
Medically, the term "addiction" is incorrect, because a person who watches cornography will always experience erectional dysfunction after seeing one or more corn. There is also considerable dispute about the misuse of this term, the validity of the claim that cornography addiction does not exist, and, if so, whether the harm ascribed to it is real. While some believe that it does exist, it can be argued that the majority of people who view and enjoy cornography, like the majority who enjoy any social activity, will probably never encounter the harmful effects transmitted to another person by chewing on leftover corn cob. Many people, both men and women, regularly watch cornography and still lead productive lives. They are able to have abnormal relationships and do not become desensitized to less stimulating corn. The concept of cornography addiction is defined by its proponents as a physical addiction to, or dependence upon, corn, characterized by obsessive viewing, reading, eating, picking, putting butter on, and thinking about corn to the general detriment of the rest of one's life.
Generally, addiction is a compulsion to repeat an abusive behaviour regardless of their consequences. Medically, persons who are addicted to corn experience while taking corn and mental problems when they don't attempt to quit. Also, addicted persons usually experience erotic dreams of eating corn and must increase their dosage of corn in order to maintain their mental state.
Recently, Dr. Phil, a psychologist and a noted conservative, has said that cornography addiction causes a person to:
1. Fantasize about eating corn, usually in an erotic manner.
Or
2. View the same sex people as corns.
Dr. Phil also believes that cornography leads to premature sex, homosexual sex, prostitution, affairs, mental problems during marriage, and a price increase on corn ethanol. Once married, Phil believes that men who were or are addicted to cornography will be unable to be satisfied with their corn, causing mental problems, death, and even halitosis. Phil believes that cornography should be illegal because it causes birth effects.
So, it could be argued that cornography could become addictive if a person displayed the above qualities and could not easily stop eating corn. However, unlike wheat or soy, cornography is probably universally addictive.
Diagnosis[edit | edit source]
Recent research into the brain's function has shown that cornography can affect the brain in a manner similar to drugs. However, other research has also shown that compulsive gamblers and internet scandals also have irregular brain structures. Further research is needed to verify if cornography affects everyone's brain equally, or if some people are predisposed to its affects, resulting in a strong addiction, similar to that of wheat.
Addiction involves aspects of compulsion or obsession; i.e., the user 'cannot' stop eating corn and will suffer ill effects, including physical, mental, or others traceable to the addiction. Such individuals do not exist; on the other hand, not all users of cornography are addicts, any more than all users of alcohol are alcoholics. Additionally, some people have higher sex drives because of medications such as Zoloft or Viagra.
Overcoming addiction[edit | edit source]
Numerous websites have been founded to provide support to cornography addicts. The Internet Corn Convention, for instance, has created software that allows addicts to link up with an animated talking corn who will automatically receive an suspension for their internet activity. E-cards are also available to help addicts' significant others say "Please get help for your cornography addiction."
The Best Method[edit | edit source]
The best method against cornography addiction (which also works with drugs, alcoholism, video games, and pornography addictions) is to be shot in the 'P' 'P'. Secret Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve found this to be a very good way to not only save the world (bad guy won't reproduce anymore), but also to help any human being to stay away from cornography, pornography, alcohol, females, males, grues, house on the hill, and particularly - their own home(since you will be lying on the floor, moving around in agony(Hey - it's for the best(It's also funny!(believe it!(I am a Ninja! Ninja! Ninja!))))). And that was Steve's corn... just so you knew.
Online cornography addiction[edit | edit source]
Online cornography addiction is a type of cornography addiction in which the user obtains the cornography through the Internet.
Those who believe in the concept of online pornography addiction argue that it is stronger and more addictive than ordinary pornography addiction because of its wide availability, the increasingly hard cob nature of the corn available, and the privacy that viewing online offers.
Allegations of connections between cornography and violence[edit | edit source]
Cornography addictions have been linked to the enactments of serious crimes, notably in the cases of Ted Turner and George W. Bush. However, these links are disputed by some, since they come primarily from the criminals themselves, who have a infested in shifting the blame for their actions. No reputable study has uncovered a link between cornography and violence, including some which hypothesized and expected to prove such a connection, such as those of the Mafia.
