- This article is about humans with features of a bird. For bird flu, see Bird Flu.
Avian Flu is the term used for humans that have features of a bird and have flu. It is a virulent form of influenza, but from the Bird Flu strain. Now it is currently taking the morph of H1R5, morphing from the Bird Flu and Man Flu which mixed together to form the amazing Avian Flu. It is more dangerous than any 'other things that flu' including Dengue Fever and various 'other things that flu'.
Once it touches you, it injects its chromosomes into your DNA while absorbing your chromosomes. Your cell becomes the Avian Cell which can multiply more Avian Cells. Soon you will turn into an Avian Flu yourself and must do the same to other unsuspecting humans. In this process, the race of Avian Flu may evolve further into more dangerous beings.
Conspiracies on the Avian Flu
It is believed that Avian Flu is more an Economic attack than a Species Attack against humans.
There are many conspiracists that says the Avian Flu was launched as an economic attack on KFC to stop the Pepsi company from making more money. Since Mcdonalds' is Pepsi's rival, along with Coca Cola, they says that Mcdonalds' is the one that created humans that have features of a bird and have flu so as to overtake pepsi in market value in shares which it already did. No matter whether who lauched Avian Flu, KFC did drop in market value.
Along with KFC to drop in market value were Singapore's favourite chicken rice and several other stuff that related to Chicken or bird.
God is reportedly angry with the Americans too, for stopping the long time tradition of eating Turkey during Thanksgiving. The Turkey business is no more but the Anti-Bird business is picking up. Therefore, the Christians once again blame Satan, Devil and the Anti-Christ for this. The Christians also believe that the Avian Flu was created in a joint venture by these tri-Alliance characters to lauch the opening of Armagedddon or more popularly known as the End of the World, an extremely famous movie based on Revelations in the Bible. This move has indeed helped in the publicity of the movie making it an overnight Box-office No. 1 hit with a record breaking sales of US$999 Billion (SGD$1 and Yen$2). Critiques who wrote bad reviews about it were revealed as Christians and those who wrote good reiviews were non-Christians.
Symptoms include sprouting feathers all over your body or a replacement of feathers over your pubic hair, growing wings and growing a beak. If you are lucky, you mutate into an Eagle species of the Avian Flu, if not, you might become a useless Turkey species. Eagle is the highest rank of the Avian Flu order and is the most dangerous.
Side-effects of using non-effective cures can include singing like an American Idol contestant, taking a poop/pee on people's cars, or cataching worms in the wee hours of the morning.
World Health Organisation's Call to the World
Please report immediately to authorities if you have seen an Avian Flu or a swarm of it flying past. Do not go into contact with them nor go within a meter's radius near them, they are extremely dangerous to humans and should be left to the Anti-Avian Flu experts to exteminate them.
If you are stuck at home and cannot come out of the house to report to authorities, please do call 1800-AVIAN-FLU to support Avian Flu in the American Idol or SMS 'Vote' to 1800-SMS-AVIAN-FLU.
WHO also wants the World to know that if we are losing the battle against Avian Flu, we might want to know the meaning of life here before we as a race of humans die by the Avian Flu.
Cure to Avian Flu
Users just need to go to http://www.avianflu.com/cure/index.html to download the picture of the Cure as 'Cure.jpeg' and print it out. After which, you must cut the picture and put the Cure which is in tablet form into water known as Hydrogen Oxide in the Periodic Table. Drink up this water and you will be cured within 0711 hours, if not cured by then, go to the nearest Seven-Eleven store near you to buy the Cure.
Alternatives include running Cure.exe in your computer until you are cured. If all else fails, it does not hurt to try praying to God. When he answers your prayer, thank God for healing you and get back to being a Devil-worshipper.
In 2007 a new possible cure was discovered, indeed it one was to paste,
"If you pass this on to 10 people before midnight then you will not get bird flu, this isn't a lie, I know a friend who got it but then didnt, might of been herpes, were getting her tested"
into 10 conversation on the popular MMORPG game MSN Messenger you may be spared birdflu, infact 100% of people who did this in a study of 10,000 people who didn't have birdflu didn't die of birdflu (coincidence, I think not!).
How to get the bird flu
If you're mentally insane, and you WANT to become a mutant-bird-thingie, then here are some ways to get the virus.
- Be bitten by another infected.
- Eating Millet (it's used in bird seed, so it works)
- Sleeping with Donald Duck
- Dying by eating raw chicken fingers.
- Masturbate in front of Daffy Duck
But none of this matters because we're all going to die.
Of course, we may not.
But it's really bloody likely that we will.