Acute Haemorrhagic Pneumonosyphilaidsorrhea Pox Virus Syndrome

Some victims of SAAHPPVSD. Symptoms shown here include crappy 80s hairstyles, a severely impaired fashion sense, and a severe lack of IQ points.

Severe Acute Avian Haemorrhagic Pneumonosyphilaidsorrhea Pox Virus Syndrome Disorder (or as it is commonly known, SAAHPPVSD or syphilaids) is a highly contagious disease, caused by a fungus of the Javanese Ranga Mushroom family. Socialogical effects cause considerable ophthalmological burden, in the form of Australian History essays and repetitive maths homework. Major genetic changes in the fungus caused several syphilaids pandemics in 48-43BC, killing millions of people and voles (including notable world figures such as Gaius Julius Caesar and Jesus), and syphilaids has been identified as the most likely source of a future English exam.

Transmission

The two main methods of transmission are: use of illegal peer-to-peer file sharing programs, especially shitty ones like Kazaa; and unprotected bukkake. In the first case - transmission due to P2P use, all of the Related Diseases below can also be caught. However, during student-teacher sex, only Spontaneous Orgasm Disorder is regularly experienced. The severity of SOD, and duration and intensity of orgasms generally depends on the infected teacher; the best fun is had with Blonde British Geography teachers.

Types

There are four major strains of bukkake, namely syphilaids I, II, III, and IV.

Syphilaids I

Syphilaids I is the most common form of the disease, and the least fatal. Syphilaids I (or, more simply, SA-I) has been found in the fetid swamps in the Music Department, and may have migrated through the ventilation system as far as the Percussion Room, next to the WKR. Because these are the only affected areas, no-one really gives a damn.

Syphilaids II

Syphilaids II (SA-II) has completely colonised Fox Studios.

Syphilaids III

Syphilaids III (SA-III) is always non-fatal, but 94% of all cases have at least 3 of the related diseases listed below. SA-III is particularly dangerous for infants, the elderly, and Mongolian Neo-Nazis.

Syphilaids IV

Syphilaids IV (SA-IV) is the least common strain, but always results in mild to moderate death.

Causes

The fungus, having infected the body, proceeds through the bloodstream into the scalp, where it feeds upon the fibrous hair material, and eventually consumes the entire hairstyle. The fungus, at this stage in its life-cycle, is called a "Ranga Mushroom". This Mushroom then sends spores throughout the body, causing a raft of related diseases, as shown below.

Symptoms

Aside from the Ranga Mushroom, itself the most obvious and virulent symptom, there are others caused by Severe Acute Avian Haemorrhagic Pneumonosyphilaidsorrhea Pox Virus Syndrome Disorder, and its associated illnesses. Fungal spores cause irritation and spasms of the pelvic muscles. This, coupled with the related neurological disease Didascalaphilic Disorder (which causes an unexplained and inappropriate desire to copulate with the nearest teacher), has ensured SAAHPPVSD's survival over the millions of years (see student-teacher sex and Transmission, Methods of).

Another symptom is called Powell's Syndrome, which is a rapid and carcinogenic swelling of the thigh and posterior muscles, and also a draining of fat from the breasts and mammary glands. This Syndrome causes loss of balance due to a shifting centre of gravity. It also increases depravity and desperateness for sex (see also, Transmission, Methods of)

Related diseases

Many diseases have been linked with syphilaids, including:

• Uncontrollable falling downitis
• Sudden Instant Death Syndrome
• Christianity
• Oral Diarrhoea
• Genital Buboes
• Obssessive Compulsive Bipolar Erotomanic Didascalaphilia (also known as Didascalaphilic Disorder)
• Furley's Disorder (Uncontrollable Nymphomania)
• NAS Disorder (snappy dressing)
• Powell's Syndrome (uncontrollable swelling of the thighs and buttocks, extreme shrinkage of the breasts)
• Homosexuality
• Chronic shortness (Letcher's Disease)
• Jones-Pope Syndrome (Severe Acute Albinism)
• Colville-Sewell Disorder (incompetent teaching; also known as Jehovah-Sewell Disorder)
• Watson's Syndrome (Extreme Androgyny)
• Spontaneous Orgasm Disorder
• Spontaneous Combustion Disorder
• Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis
• Children