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Previously thought to be a form of skin cancer, melanoma is actually caused by microscopic Melons with legs invading your cells. Melenoma is similar to worms although the cause of transmission is unknown.

Symptoms[edit | edit source]

The first Stage of getting a melenoma cell infestation is a sudden lust for watermelon. Vomiting typically does not occur but in rare cases patients were Blowing Some Chunks.

The second Stage is swelling of the abdominal area. This includes a greenish coloration and the hardening of the outer skin layers and soft tissues.

The final and most dangerous Stage of a melenoma cell infestation is the total loss of body shape. As skin becomes a dark green the infected individual will often become a spherical mass. As brain function is reduced to that of a plant, the innards mush up into a pink watery substance. Patients' bones shrink into black seeds for future generations of the Melenoma Parasite. Other symptoms include nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea.

Children and babies infected with Melenoma..

Documented cases[edit | edit source]

The first documented case of Melenoma is that of Fat Green Asian Man, a morbidly obese man with a keen love of fruit. He was living in Hiroshima during the end of World War II when nuclear fallout radiated his watermelon field it is believed that his beloved plants mutated and turned on him. It wasn't long before local survivors noticed a 3000 lb watermelon forming in the middle of his field. Police and doctors discovered him in the second stage. Because of his inability to talk the case was documented as a result of nuclear mutation. When reports increased it was redefined as a form of cancer.

Cures[edit | edit source]

Immediately after the so-called "Cancer" was publisized many old Asian herbalists claimed to have a cure for the crippling effects of melenoma cell infestations. Sadly they were all just dicks. To date no cures are known for the infestation but it is theorized that drinking Poison mixed with acid and lye may prevent melenoma cell infestations.

See also[edit | edit source]