Dyscalculia

You might see this in your math book.

A typical clock.

If you can't see this number, you are either dyscalculic, or colorblind.

“What does your watch say, Shemp?”

~ Moe Howard on the time

“It says tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick....”

~ Shemp Howard on possibly having dyscalculia

Dyscalculia is when someone is clearly not trying hard enough in math class. Who the crap even cares that many of us are good at writing? Some of us can't even read a clock! The word "dyscalculia" comes from Greek "dys" meaning "bad" and Latin "calculus" meaning "pebble," which would imply that "bad pebbles" are involved. But who the crap is even counting pebbles? Here are some Frequently Asked Questions about dyscalculia.

What is dyscalculia?

You've heard of dyslexia. Dyslexia gets all the attention. But dyscalculia is the "little sister" nobody cares about. Dyslexia cannot write her name properly, but since she is a math genius, everyone loves her. Dyscalculia, however, entertains everybody with her well-written, unexpectedly humorous fictions. But since she can't even read her watch, nobody cares. In fact, I have dyscalculia, but nobody gives a crap, especially when I sob about my F’s in math class on Reddit like a depressed, acne-ridden NEET neckbeard. Not even the people at school know I'm different. They can't put two and two together, the fact that I'm a very good writer, yet I fail at math! Isn't it obvious? But I can count to puhtaytoe. And mashed puhtaytoe.

How do I know if I have it?

Possible signs of dyscalculia:

• Are you a woman?
• Can't read your watch?
• Very good at writing, but totally suck at math?
• Don't know how many quarters it takes to buy some hair accessories, even though you counted them in your pocket?
• Write illegibly? (I tell you, dyscalculia is the little sister of dyslexia.)
• Haven't the slightest idea what a number should look like?
• No idea why "-6" is less than "zero"?
• Difficulties with distance? Don't know what a meter is?
• Confused by names that start with the same letter? "Excuse me, miss, what was your name again? Was it Ana? Or was it Adelaide? Annette? Abigail? Alanna, Adele, Angela..."
• Are you ambisinistrous, meaning both of your hands are useless?

If many things of this list sound familiar, you might have dyscalculia.

So, how do I get help?

Well, if you have dyscalculia, you're out of luck. Since everybody ignores this difference, nobody will help you. However, if, like many of us, you also have dyslexia (this does not include me), they might help you. I guess.

Does anyone famous have it?

Well, sorry. Although Wikipedia has a list of famous dyslexics and most of it is wrong, or nobody admires the people mentioned, nobody knows anybody famous who has dyscalculia. Oh wait, I tell a lie. Here is a list of famous dyscalculics. Maybe one of them will inspire you. Dream big!

Here is a page to find out if you might be one of us.

A little more inspiration, if necessary...

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  Click for more details.

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  Does this sound familiar?