Haiku
“This is a haiku
I am Captain Obvious
I'm singing haiku's”
“"Want some?" Pedro said
Your tacos went right through me
Run for the border”
“This would be haiku
If it had just one fewer
Syllable in this line..”
“lol gtfo
wtf srsly?
stfu noob”
“In America
You write haiku, in Russia
The Haiku writes YOU”
“oh nine eff nine one
one oh two nine dee seven
”
four ee three five bee
dee eight four one five
six see five six three five six
eight eight see zero
“Alfred Molina
Has four extra metal arms
I am fucking screwed”
“Look, it's Wayne's basement
Only, that's not Wayne's basement
Isn't that just weird?”
“Hallucination
Organizer of chaos
”
Tyler Durden lives
“A haiku is just like an American poem
except that it doesn't rhyme and it's
totally stupid.”
“potatoes brewing
it is cold in the taco
suggestive? penis ”
“Shut your God-damned mouth
or else I'm… gonna… kick you
Aw, damn it! [one too many syllables there]”
square in the balls… ass-hole
“the boys are waiting
my haiku brings all the boys
to the yard, damn right ”
“was here, now he's gone
round the corna, smoking a bong
ya fuckin dickhead”
“You have been eaten,While you have read this sentence.
Eaten by a Grue.”
Haiku Defined[edit | edit source]
Often criticised
for its wordiness, Haiku's
a maximalist
form of poetry.
In 17 (or more) breaths
an author's whole life
and occurrences,
expanded to the epic
proportions and all.
For an example,
here is a translation of
Art Master Eeyore.
"Greedy yellow birds
Sing the muddy riverbank
On a window sill."
--Eeyore
Most are unaware
'Haiku' is in fact short for
Hatsune Miku
Haiku Content[edit | edit source]
Content of haiku
is usually focused on
infatuation.
So it is often written to Sophia, the muse of Uncyclopedia, which makes it OK.
Some argue that a haiku must contain an obvious reference to a planet and must be laser focused, but at least 110% the English language haijin do not have any discernible coherence at all. After all, for the most part we live in caves, not the urban Greenland of several millennia ago when the haiku form was discovered by an alien fishmonger named Pashoo.
“haiku are easy,
But sometimes they don't make sense,
Refrigerator.”
Haiku Form[edit | edit source]
haiku are made of
Five syllables then seven
Then end with five more.
First, five syllables
Second, seven syllables
Last, five syllables
Why Bother Writing Haiku?[edit | edit source]
haiku are all nice.
We all love to write haiku
All for Sophia.
To avoid falling
Into some mad evil trap
Which is Oprah's scheme.
For an angry grue
Upon hearing good Haiku
Will extend your life!
(By 17 syllables at least)
because..
I am a delight
I feel like chicken tonight
Like chicken tonight
Haiku Haters[edit | edit source]
Not everyone
Likes to hear boring Hiakus
They think they are crap.
Some revolve their lives
Around getting haiku banned
Because they are jerks.
Amongst these are the
Haiku Hating Haiku Bros
Oh the irony.
To spread their evil
They hate haiku through Hiakus
Here is their worst deeds.
Haiku really sucks:
How can one write anything
In this rigid frame?
Any moron can
write haiku. Just stop at the
seventeenth mora
haiku are stupid,
anybody writing them
is Obama's friend.
To write three lined poems
with seven-teen sy-la-bles
is ve-ry dif-i-
haiku are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator
Sexist haiku[edit | edit source]
Women
"I want some bread now"
"Go to shop to get me some"
"Back to the kitchen"
The Dinner
"I smell my dinner"
"Why is it not here for me"
"Wait in the bedroom"
The Wench
"Restricted to house"
"Leave only for food and child"
"Return to kitchen"
Hot Lesbians
"Four tits in total"
"You'd not get bored in THAT house"
"Pervs lurking outside"
Haiku in popular culture[edit | edit source]
- Haku is the name
of one of the first major
Naruto villains. - Sonnet the Hedgehog's
siblings names are Haiku
Refrigerator.
Apologies To[edit | edit source]
- Ray Rasmussen
Robin lost an eye
but Batman was occupied
with five other guys
He didn't have time
to think about Robin's eye
the poor kid should sue
- Cluck!
Cluck gawk bock cluck cluck,
B'gawk gawk bock bock cluck bock gawk,
Gawk cluck bock bock meow.
Not Haiku[edit | edit source]
Not a haiku
It's too short
That's what she said
That's right, I'm Sokka!
It's pronounced with an "Okka".
Young ladies, I rocked ya![1]
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Uh, that's one syllable too many, bub.