User talk:Readmesoon

Listen up

You need to earn prizes around here, not rig them. If you or your friends try a stunt like that again, you're all out. ~ 23:16, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

welcome to UnNews

I deleted UnNews:Man Trapped from Beach "balls" because it's plagarism... you know, copying an article and claiming it's yours? Don't do it. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 13:54, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 13:54, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Hey! I'm Talkin to YOU!‎

No really, I am! Did you want that page deleted? Because you created it, you can post in on QVFD with a note saying "author request" and the admins will delete it for you. Cheers. MrN 23:46, Jun 26

Well, i had an idea but it didn't work so i just deleted everything. Thanks for telling me. Mgr. Readmesoon my voice my work vote for me

Er... I may have already posted it, so... problem solved? Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 23:56, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

He's as eager as a beaver that Boomer... MrN 23:58, Jun 26

Yes, Thank you, Eager McBeaver. Mgr. Readmesoon my voice my work vote for me

help

whenever i do my sig, i write down the time but it goes to another line, often times in the weird blue thing. What the Hell?

Your sig looks fine to me as of 01:11, 11 July 2008 (UTC)   Le Cejak • <1:11, 11 Jul 2008>

Yes, I fixed it. I just didn't take off the help tag. Mgr. Readmesoon my voice my work vote for me

Let's plot a course to the front page

/me shuffles papers around Okay, looking at my idea box, I've collected lots of ideas over the months. I've just started to see your stuff (like unbooks:the judge is making me write this), and I don't know what your style is... Maybe you could finish User:Cajek/Museum of Misery? Really just an article meant to shock people. No collab, it's all yours if you want.

How do I get my ideas... how do I get my ideas... I write down funny lines in my own quotebox: User:Cajek/faves, I've gotten some good gags out of that. I suggest writing down ANY line you think is funny.

Also, randomly read featured articles just for fun not to get ideas for a feature. Also, vote on VFH (but never vote against, hint from a guy who has a bunch of features: it makes people want to vote against on your stuff). Read the articles up for VFH and see what makes something featureable and what doesn't...

let's see... I also suggest exercising your writing muscles as much as possible. Even if you feel like you can't write any more, just write.

If I think of anything else, RMS, I'll call. I'd like to see if you could do my museum of misery thing, but it's up to you. Alright man, see ya 'round!

my sig has a link to a random featured article. Check it out!

  Le Cejak • <22:56, 01 Jul 2008>

UnBooks:The Squirrel Grenade

Good piece, but you need some formatting and maybe some more pictures. I've removed the ICU tag and put a fix one instead, so you'll have a month to work on it. Good luck. ~ 07:52, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

CMC

Welcome, Readmesoon, to the Glorious Cow Moo Cult!

You're in! You clearly fit these requirements and the Cows, obviously, smile upon you. You are currently a "Mud Grunt" by rank. You can officially put the {{User:YesTimeToEdit/Mgr}} template wherever you want on your userpage or talk page and can add "Mgr." to the beginning of your signature.

Your cow duties include...
Watchlisting this page
Promoting, whoring and inviting people to the CMC - you can use this to help you
Following any CMC orders

I'm happy to answer any questions here. Oh and it's advised you read these (loose) rules. You are now one of the few with the Cows on your side.

Long live the glorious CMC! May the Cows forever triumph!

Let the moo be with you!
Moo moo moo mo mooo moo!

Welcome aboard, I hope you can help further the cowy cause! - [21:41 10 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Response to your questions

Well, first off I would like to thank you for nominating me for the Foolitzer Prize. Honestly, to begin with, I found funny articles and tried to make them funnier, but now I scour google news for articles I can manipulate, take for example, the chess piece one, It was originally "Right Wing Christians oppose the creation of Female Bishops", and I though what I could replace Right Wing Christians with, and Chess Piece makers came to mind, because of the chess piece "Bishop"

Some articles, the pictures inspire me, For the one with George Bush and the Prime minister of Japan, I saw the picture and thought, "They are making a secret handshake" and thus, the article was born. However for some articles, I don't actually find news stories to base them on, in my Cartoon Characters are to blame for oil prices, I had wanted to do an article about oil prices and 1983 donkey kong, and I finally got around to making an article for it. Same goes for the Giambi's Mustache one, It just needed to be done. And also I try to make myself do 4 per week, so some I just do to get them in, thus, the guitar hero 4 one was made.

As for the "In the News" part, I know what the template they use is, so I add some of my favorite works to it when I make them, and some of them get added when someone who reads the article really liked it, so they put them up. If you are interested, it is Template:RecentUnNews. ----_{Mgr. Sir} Sonic80^☭ 22:09, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Why thank you, Sonic. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

GRR EDIT CONFLICT! :-) Oh hey, Sonic. How come you're not in the CMC? If you were you could stand for the UnNews seat of Jocke Pirat's Uncyclopedian Senate with the CMC party. Hello again, RMS! - [22:16 10 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Yus - "In The News" is nothing sepcial! :-) Now time for the Sonic80 song! *sings the song* And you're a KUN? My my, the Footlizer rewards well. - [22:29 10 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Therefore, you should vote for me time to edit!~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Hey there

Alright RMS, let me start by saying this. I think you have a good history ahead of you at Uncyc, as long as you can be sure to take criticism with a grain of salt, and earn the things you'd like to get. For me, getting stuff because you earned it, is a lot more satisfying that just getting stuff. Perhaps I was wrong with the "it isn't about the awards" idea, but here is what is true. If it is about the awards, it's about getting them for things you've done well. Not about just getting them without meaning.

Now, that said, I've just gotten done looking over all your UnNewses. First I'd like to say, you have a lot of brilliant ideas. I don't exaggerate when I say "brilliant," I mean a lot of them are really the epitome of originality, such as the guy suing the sun, the duck drowning, the Hardy Boys one, and some others. I really loved the "black gold" one personally. I thought that was just a brilliant idea. Like I said, brilliant. You've got some magnificent ideas. The only problem I see with most of them is that they're not all that fully developed. And by that, I mean that there's a lot of room for more jokes. The ideas are good in and of themselves, but I think you could have some truly hilarious material here if you built on the initial jokes and added some more jokes to your articles. To be perfectly honest, if some of these were a bit more well built, I would be nominating a lot of them for feature, because I think you've got a perfect idea of what UnNews is all about, and I think, from seeing your ideas, that you have enormous potential as a writer and a humorist. You just need to develop your articles a little more is all. I'd be willing to help out with that if you'd be so inclined to ask for it, though I know you've already asked Sonic and Cajek, and probably some others for inspiration. And that's what this site is about too. There are a lot of good writers here. I was an absolutely shitty writer when I got here, and now I'm a lot better, completely because I talked to and took tips from all the great writers on this site. So by all means, keep doing that, asking for advice and all, and like I said, feel free to ask me any time for help. I'm willing to put aside the past to make way for one of our best future UnNews writers. -RAHB 02:08, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Oh also I left you some responses on my talk page to your other questions. Wasn't sure if you'd seen those yet, but those were before I'd got to this page. Cheers. -RAHB 02:54, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

July 17^th, 2008 • Eleventh Issue • Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

It's The Poo Lit. Surprised? By UU Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace. Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something. This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it. At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them. VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running By UU In an unprecedented turn of events, and due to namby-pamby unclear rules that have since been firmed up and given a healthy gay colour makeover, Uncyclopedia is voting for further candidates to be admitted to the non-existent cabal. The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites. Heerenveen - Uncyclopedia's Tank. Doesn't sleep, eat, dream or pet fluffy animals. Does nothing, in fact, but patrol Special:Recentchanges, rolling over cyberbullying, shooting down crap, smoking out vandals and reverting their stuff, and other tank-like activities. What to expect: extreme diligence, and a bigger gun, apparently. MrN9000 - Profiled in the Unsignpost only last week, MrN has still found time to become even more awesome than he was then, and mends, mentors and poopsmiths his way around the site with matchless dedication. What to expect: zero tolerance for anything pants. Roman Dog Bird - Frankie is another tireless worker in the name of making crap stuff less crap, good stuff betterer, and shite stuff deleted. Wherever there is a thankless task to be done on the wiki, you shall find him. Which is a good job, because we have no intention of thanking him. What to expect: him to be ready from day one (hmm, that's a catchy slogan...) Dr. Skullthumper - A true legend of Uncyclopedia: handsome, talented, possessed of unprecedented levels of awesome, and a genius towards whom this newspaper (that he co-founded) is not in the least bit biased. Oh no. And can he give the editorial staff their teddies back now, please? What to expect: benevolent dictatorship with an iron fist. In a good way. RAHB - What comes to mind when you hear the name RAHB? Is it VFD? QVFD? QTVFD? RecentChanges? All those answers are correct and more when you get the new and improved RAHB this month! RAHB is an Uncyclopedia policy wonk with all the credentials of Al Gore, except for that Vice-President thing. What to expect: former audio superstar turned into a big, friendly admin. In a good way! Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered.

Check out these pages! Some sort of prize thingy limps off the starting line No news is... Led news? Blog whoring FTW! From our logs: 17:49, 11 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.173.54.200 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This is a penis, this is you) 18:29, 11 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 156.34.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This ban is approved by the society of Chuck Norris followers. Chuck, for a better world ) 23:37, 13 July 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked Jimbo spends foundation money in russian prostitutes (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (IN them?) 08:31, 17 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.73.10.118 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (If there something I really detest is IPs with small penii trying to act like big honchos on a wiki web site. I'd like to meet you one day, Mr. IP, and send you over the IP hospital) Biopic of the Week Hyperbole ~ Hype is awesome! Hype has been on Uncyc for just a short time, and yet has already written some of the greatest articles ever composed by human beings! Hype is easily the greatest author ever to have graced this humble wiki, and it is surely only a matter of time before he sails past Ljlego's record of 76 features with consummate ease. And despite not having either the Democrat or Republican nomination, Hype is also the surest bet in this year's Presidential elections! Is there anything this guy can't do? Apart from that thing with the rosary and the 3 Mexican children? Comeback of the Week Gerrycheevers ~ For the third or fourth time this year, Uncyc's comeback kid has again popped through his revolving catflap to grace us with his presence after a period of absence! The UnSignpost staff are accepting bets as to how long this comeback will last. Any takers? Plea of the Week Hey you! Yes you! You're reading this, so you must have some free time you don't know what to do with, so why not write an article for the UnSignpost! As you can tell from reading this very issue, actual writing talent is not required, just spout some gubbins about something that's happened on the wiki during the last week, and as long as it's not too likely to start drama, we'll probably stick it in! How can you refuse? Go on, be your friend?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:07, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

notice

i moved your most recent article UnPeotia: The Road More Traveled to UnPoetia: The Road More Traveled due to the typo in the name. however, it then occured to me that you might have done that intentionally for some reason. if that was indeed the case then feel free to revert and/or recommend me to the ban patrol. --SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:02, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Thanx ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 24th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

July 24^th, 2008 • Twelfth Issue • Now On Time?

Count to a million By Gerrycheevers This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro. The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project. Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants." Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist." Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream... Cheevers Fires Back! By An unbiased journalist After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears. When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!"

Check out these pages! Yay! Woo! We all fail! Who judges the judges? (Apart from Zombiebaron, of course) Rock the vote? From our logs: 23:16, 19 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.254.51.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wow! I was gonna go the rest of my life hating Metallica, but you've opened my eyes to their true greatness! You, sir, are an hero! An hero!) 23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend) 21:53, 22 July 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) huffed "Slappy's Angels" ‎ (VFD - I throw in anotherv invisible vote to put these at -4/-5 (YEAH I'M TOO LAZY TO EDIT)) Biopic of the Week Sycamore ~ One of Uncyc's noteworthy Caledonian correspondents, Sycamore claims his prowess at writing stems from a hearty diet of haggis, neeps and tatties, washed down wi' a whisky, a can of Irn-Bru, and a gratuitous stereotype. He's managed to stay sober long enough to write quality articles on Battleship Potemkin, David Bowie and Tony Visconti, and doubtless celebrated in true Scottish fashion - with a couple of cans of Tennent's and a fight! Page of the Week (straight version) User:Optimuschris/Super Secret Girlie Page! - no explanation needed. Page of the Week (gay version) User:Orian57/Under my matress - the yin to OptyC's yang. So to speak. You have been warned. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Pisces (Feb. 19 - March. 19) - The position of Mars renders you the likely victim of pirate attacks this week. Carefully guard any grog, wenches, and booty you may have accumulated. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Italian Linux and the Crappy Translation Really Old Image Request of the Week For an UnTune. Seriously, this one has been around for ages, and no-one seems to be able to sort it out. Any takers? A certain psychotic frog will doubtless shower any helpful soul with gratitude. Or a template. Or something.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:44, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

Any reason?

I'm getting a mention in your latest article? As flattering as it is... MrN 14:23, Jul 26

I was thinkin about Hate haet hat, and checking the history of uncyclopedia is the worst I beleive you came up with that? ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia is the worst? Not sure I have edited that except for a revert on some vandalism, I'm not really sure what you are talking about... It's usually not a good idea to have links to Uncyc users in articles though. MrN 15:50, Jul 26

Well, I thought you did, but I'll change it to uncyclopedia hater or something. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Hea Dude...

It appears that your sig is messing with the counters on some of the voting pages... I think you might need to put a on the end maybe... MrN 17:47, Jul 27

1. I've screwing around with it, but it's not helping. You should check it. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
2. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
3. Duck

SEE?

Yea, I had a look... I don't use sigexpand myself, so I'm not sure what is going on. If you have an older sig which did not have this problem maybe you could compare the differences. You could also try building it up from a more simple format, and finding out where it is going wrong. If you want to ask an admin, Spang is probably the best with this kinda stuff... MrN 18:12, Jul 27

I think I fixed it... You had a few missing tags in there that were mucking things up. ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [27/07 18:39]

Heerenveen, you seem to know your technical stuff. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Tony and Ludo thank you!

Splendid, what! UU would like to express his gratitude for you vote on UnMysteries:A Tissue Of Lies. Therefore, please accept a free gift of Sir John Obvious-Suspect's latest innovation - Sudoku toilet paper, for those mornings when you know you're gonna be in there ages!

I honestly thought that any of my own stuff I loved that much would never make it, so thanks for proving something-or-other to me. --UU - natter 09:28, Jul 28

VFP

Alright, maybe because I let the first one slide, you didn't get the point. However, this second transgression seems to highlight the fact that you are — shall we say — "a bit confused on the subject". Please do not nominate unoriginal images for VFP. By "unoriginal", I mean that signifigant photomanipulation, or signifigant photo creation must have been undertaken by the person or persons who uploaded an image to Uncyclopedia. Thus, if you go out into your backyard and photograph two squirrles dressed like Roman centurians battleing to the death that's fine. If you find a photograph on the internet of two squirrles, and you use Photoshop or GIMP or whatever to add Roman centurian outfits to the squirrles, that's also fine. But, if you google "Rome centurian squirrles", take the first image you find, crop it, and use the blur tool to correct a minor mistake that the original author made, that is not an original image. Also, when nominating images by others, it is always a good idea to google at least the image's name, and to check the date on any results that you find (if a date is present).

I do, however, appreciate the sentiment of you nominating images, because there are few images currently nominated on VFP. If you could just check for unoriginality before nominating, everything would be fine. Keep up the nominating, -- The Zombiebaron 11:03, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Unorder

To join the UnOrder, one must take a journey of 10,000 steps, or however far away the computer is, and enter their name into an open position. If you want an award, give one to yourself, but only one, because combined, the awards wield the Ultimate Power over small mammals including, but not limited to, the domestic feline, the rat, and the wombat. If you want any special stuff to go along with your membership, or just want to assign yourself meaninglessfull roles or powers, do so immediately, but with great caution, for potatoes do have eyes you know...

Consider yourself spudded. so sayeth Sliferjam ~ Talk * Sock * Jam * Gallery * Fearless Fosdick? 01:39, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 31st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

July 31^st, 2008 • Lucky Thirteenth Issue • Now with 20% more ninjas!

The biggest little whorehouse on the internet By Gerrycheevers Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration. While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article. Virus exposes user vulnerability to death By Regret Tenenbaum Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on." So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following: a lump in one testis or a hardening of one of the testicles The testicle should normally feel smooth to the touch. Ridges may be felt because of enlarged blood vessels or tumor growth. Additionally the entire testicle may feel hard and bumpy to the touch. Abnormal sensitivity (either numbness or pain) loss of sexual activity sexual withdrawal build-up of fluid in the scrotum a dull ache in the lower abdomen or groin an increase, or significant decrease, in the size of one testis blood in semen General weak and tired feeling The testicle with a tumor may be severely enlarged, as much as 3 times the original size. Simultaneously the other testicle may be shrunken in size, due to the tumor taking up the majority of the blood supply to the scrotum. Other nasty stuff. Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser. And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.) The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any. Remember kids, no matter how much Dr. Health, Esq. tells you cancer is great, don't believe him. Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right...

Check out these pages! Ever get interrupted on the loo? Is PEEING taking the piss? Drama! From our logs: 21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.) 17:24, 24 July 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) (blocked SIR TOM CRUISE! with an expiry time of 3 months (no dear, Baha'i is the Truth, or Judaism, I can never remember) 02:34, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Dammit, stop being a sockpuppet!) 14:41, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) unblocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Oh, I bet you think you're all crafty n' shit, don'tcha? DON'TCHA! Well guess what: I can see through your ruse now, you sockpuppet-impersonating iIdunnowhat!) 21:04, 29 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.196.62.163 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wanker: Take a day off. Take some deep breaths. It's only France) Biopic of the Week The Woodburninator ~ What should thou doest upon sighting The Woodburninator? Run away, apparently. Unless you're looking to read some high quality articles. Last month's NotM has made quite an impression on Uncyclopedia in his short time here, despite claims that he is about as useful as the 5-star rating system. Don't be fooled! WB is on track to contribute far more than the ratings system (especially since the average UnSignpost rating is about 1.2), and then some. Just don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage... Old-school featured article of the week Check out Moon hoax. Ever been told by one of your know-it all friends that we never landed on the moon, and it was all staged on a set in the desert? Well, after reading this article, you should be prepared to thoroughly debunk your narrow-minded chum. Just be sure that you wager heavily on 'we went to the moon' before you start explaining. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 7/28/08 Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You will learn the true meaning of Christmas after much embarrassment and the intervention of a friend with a dictionary. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Russian Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol and the Crappy Translation. Quotes of the Week <DrSkullthumper> Goatse is work safe if you're a proctologist <AAA^> "Muslim Porn: Women revealing their hair"

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 07:54, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 7th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

August 7^th, 2008 • Fourteenth Issue • Just like Grandma used to make!

Uncyclopedia Forum set to consume the Internet By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dump topic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet. According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit." Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales. Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!" Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet." Admins everywhere! By Gerrycheevers If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome". The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch". The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power." Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed several early accomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek.

Check out these pages! Against againsts? Census time Is it, in fact, Hammer Time? Skullthumper revealed! From our logs: 01:57, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Okay, that's enough Uncyclopedia. Bye.) 02:05, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) unblocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) ‎ (ARGH NOOOO I CAN'T ESCAPE) 20:14, 3 August 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Orian57 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 minutes ‎ (Admins do not abuse their powers. On the contrary, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia) 14:21, 6 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) huffed "EQ" ‎ (Thanks for the Psychology course refresher. Don't worry, I paid attention in that class, I don't really need it.) 15:54, 7 August 2008, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.106.53.68 (Talk) (expires 15:54, 8 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (I don't know what the Somali is for "Don't do that". But don't do that.) Biopic of the Week SysRq ~ Not just a button on your keyboard anymore (well, half a button, really), SysRq has become quite the Uncyclopedian in his time here. Spending his time writing awesome stuff, utilizing his platinum urinal, and coming up with stuff on the fly, he has earned a spot among the elite that Uncyc has to offer. (And this seems to be a bit of a recurring theme, but again, don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage.) Old-school featured article of the week Check out Battle of Gettysburg, a harrowing documentary of one of the bloodiest battles in the American Civil War, and one man's fight to get through it. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Gemini (May 21 - June 21) - Help! I am being held hostage in the horoscope editing room! see more horoscopes

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Painstakingly hand-delivered by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:45, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

You, My Competitor

Are you still active? I need you for my own motivation to keep writing... --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 17:23, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Hey, I can be your competitor if you need more motivation!   Le Cejak • <20:12, 12 Aug 2008>

I think I'd lose against you in a landslide, though, unless you got some massive ban that the admins forgot about... --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 20:52, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Sorry, my computer had some serious virus and adware going on, so I had to fix it. Also, I was blocked for a week. BAN! ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

UnNewses

I have been on vacation for the last two weeks, expect an unnews from me later today though --_{Mgr. Sir} Sonic80^☭ 04:40, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Alright, nice to have you back, Sonic!~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Just for you RMS: UnNews:Spanish Olympic Basketball Team disqualified for being 'too asian'. Are you happy now? --_{Mgr. Sir} Sonic80^☭ 17:58, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 14th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

August 14^th, 2008 • Fifteenth Issue • May contain traces of humor

Uncyclopedia kidnapped! By Gerrycheevers In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to places unknown, never to return. Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back. This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him. Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do." Some sort of competition finishes By UU So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics. Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that? We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r!

Check out these pages! WHAT'S with THE caps SITUATION? Out with the old... ...and in with the legends? From our logs: 13:06, 8 August 2008, Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 60.54.79.28 (Talk) (expires 13:06, 9 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (Blanker: You disappoint Vishnu.) 19:45, 11 August 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) 19:51, 11 August 2008, Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.40.99.2 (Talk) (expires 19:51, 11 November 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (blanking is the lowest form of wit. Even lower than Steve Martin.) Biopic of the Week RadicalX ~ Since the dawn of Uncyclopedia, users have had the need for images. And RadX, himself created with Adobe Photoshop, has obliged. Even a quick look at his image gallery should cause you to drop to your knees and weep. He also is an extremely talented writer, and spends his time spreading the light of The Church of T with his prophet, Bradaphraser. Old-school featured article of the week Ever been knocked in the nards so badly that you saw stars, but never figured out who the culprit was? Well, it was probably midget cockpunching terrorists. These cheeky buggers have been assaulting the most sensitive area of such well-known figures as Frank Sinatra and Ronald Reagan for decades. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week you should be self-centered in all your endeavors, except for grenade-tossing practice. see more horoscopes Shamless space-filler of the week Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

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Fired out of a newspaper cannon by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:09, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

Care to explain this?

Special:Contributions/Icyhotpuppet and Special:Contributions/Gunwiththefun. Checkuser says these are more of your socks. However, they haven't contributed since around the time of the other sock fiasco. I'm sure we just missed them, but I have to ask, knowing of your past transgressions. I'm tempted to give a temporary ban, however, the socks haven't done anything bad, and aren't active, and I'd like to hear your side of the story. -RAHB 09:49, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

I Join Your Group, You Join Mine...

• Any questions? Contact me. -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 19:39, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Please forgive the lag in the enrollment process. The Family has taken note of your request to join, it's just that the Don is extremely at the moment. I'm sure he'll take notice as soon as he returns to Uncyc and you'll be on your way - Regards, -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 02:59, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Please, please, please

Can you stop writing virtual copies of other articles, it detracts from the original and the effort you put in. Unidentified man in green firing turret = UnKnown Jedi Council Member, UnNews:You Are Reading This Headline; About To Click On It + Insert title here = UnNews:This is an UnNews ect. The mark of a great writer is to find their own style, not this. Please don't do it again. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 14:10, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Sorry, DJ. I didn't mean to copy anything really. I'll try not to, but if something looks eerily similar it was an accident. ~ Readmesoon

Ok, it's getting annoying now...

Can you quit spamming around that UnOrder thing? It's annoying. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:23, Aug 22

Sorry, just trying to get members. We need them. But I'll stop now. ~ Readmesoon

In fact, I'm thinking about dropping the hammer on that whole UnOrder thingy. This is too much like the only official order here, which people actually need to write good stuff to earn. But I believe that Sliferjam started that specific one? ~ 10:30, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Per Mordillo. I'm thinking about voting on it. By that, I of course mean, I'm thinking about starting a forum survey that slowly detracts into madness unrelated to the original topic. I expect the UnOrder to be right where it is when the forum is done. Unless Mordillo removes it of course. Which is entirely unrelated, but I wouldn't be opposed to. Maybe I should vote on it... -RAHB 00:08, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 21st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

August 21^st, 2008 • Issue Sixteen • The periodical without any junk in its trunk

And the award for Sluttiest User goes to... By Gerrycheevers ...Mhaille! With over fifteen thousand links to his userpage strewn willy-nilly about Uncyclopedia, Mhaille takes home the Slutty for the sixth consecutive time. Everyone's favorite moustachioed chappie overtook Codeine in early 2007 and never looked back. When asked about this momentous achievement, Mhaille was still in shock from the victory. "I'd like to give thanks to my mother and my father, for first taking me into the family business. Without their years of experience and their guidance I would not have become the Slut I am today," he said. "It is for them that I hope to make it a seventh title!" Coming in at second on the list was the legendary Benson. Despite having only twenty edits in the past year, Benson has managed to rack up over twelve thousand links to his userpage. He still enjoys a several thousand link lead over slut number three, Thekillerfroggy. When asked how Benson managed to not only maintain his lead, but actually increase it, TKF said, "A wizard did it." In-depth investigation by this reporter revealed that Froggy's signature may have something to do with it, as random selection feature will occasionally cause TKF's sig to spam dozens of links to Benson's userpage, mostly in Dr. Skullthumper's userspace. UnSignpost gets new paper-boy by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Uncyclopedia's semi-official newspaper, enjoyed by literally several readers each week, has hired a brand new paper boy. This individual has been delivering the UnSignpost for the past two weeks. This cost cutting measure was announced after the guy with the keys to the delivery robots disappeared, taking the keys, several thousand dollars in cash, and a stapler with him. Unconfirmed rumours made up by me suggest that he intends to staple the money to the keys before turning the stapler on himself. The paper boy, who calls himself Gerrycheevers, says that it is a tough job, but he is glad to be able to contribute something. "It's a tough job," he told UnSignpost reporters "but I am glad to be able to contribute something." The young paper boy is saving up his pocket money to buy a new frisbee. The mammoth task has taken its toll on young Mr. Cheevers, leaving him with severe wrist pain and an acute hatred of humanity. "It totally messed up my wrists. I was out of action for days!" he said. Most Uncyclopedians are said to be happy with the new service, saying that they prefer the more personal touch that comes with human delivery. "Those damn robots trampled my garden, broke down my door and killed my dog with their death-rays" said one unfortunate Uncyclopedian. In a related story, Gerrycheevers has been 'throttled' from such activites as moving pages and making mass edits. His repetitive edits have apparently pissed off at least one admin, and Gerry is now limited to one edit per four hours. He has used these edits carefully, and has managed to find a new paperbot. This week, the UnSignpost will be delivered by MantiBot. Subscribers can only hope the new delivery system works out, or the UnSignpost may be doomed.

Check out these pages! Testify! Taking the community down a peg Stop the madness! Think of the children! Etc.! From our logs: 16:52, 17 August 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.212.136.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You are now officially really hated on Uncyclopedia. Congratulations.) 21:30, 16 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.220.124.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month, 2 days, 3 hours, 4 minutes, 5 seconds ‎ (Blanking a featured article? No mercy.) 06:19, 16 August 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.72.7.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go and write some bad poetry or something) 10:51, 20 August 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Nmeallin (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (We regret to inform you that Chuck Norris does not approve of page blanking.) Biopic of the Week RAHB ~ One of the most (if not the most) decorated Uncyclopedians ever, RAHB is one of those guys who seems to be everywhere. Whether it's writing awesome stuff, taking care of crap, or banging out narrations, you can always count on this guy to be lurking somewhere in the bowels of Uncyclopedia, toiling away at his next project. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Being grateful this week could result in improved relationships. Being grating this week could result in cheese fragments that will melt easily over nachos. see more horoscopes VFD Survivor of the week "One man touches the other/it's incest cus were all brothers/you may say its wrong/well its the touch eachother song" Pithy VFH Comment of the Week Meh. I liked the conversation bit, but the rest is pretty bland. Skull tells me he wrote it for a girl or something. And he admits himself that it isn't very good. Well, I wouldn't feature it anyways. Oh yeah, and everything you write is shit, Skull. Everything! Shit, shit, shit! Now start writing something funny, you SHITTY WRITER! Shit shit shit! SHIT!!! - RAHB (Unfomercials:Inspirigun)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— MantiBot Owner 12:31, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

I think we have a failure of communications here

You were told, very clearly, by ZB not to remore that entry from the Recent Unnews template, and yet you kept on doing that - twice. I'll say it once more then, nothing wrong with a noob putting his article on the recent Unnews template, even if it doesn't stand up to your standards of quality. Do not remove it again. Thanks. ~ 17:50, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

VFD

NEVER REMOVE ANYTHING FROM VFD. Ever. Not even if you added it. That's a REALLY big no no. You may well get a 1 day ban for this... MrN 04:05, Aug 25

Sorry, man, I didn't knoW! I'm not usually posting things up on VFD so please don't get mad... (or ban me)~ Readmesoon

I should seriously give you another week ban, just because of the sheer volume of fuss recently. Quite honestly, you should be long gone by now. But you're trying your best, I suppose. Just, for the love of God, read the rules on EVERYTHING before you edit it. You're on thin ice with a lot of us here, and I don't want an eager contributor to have to be banned. -RAHB 04:11, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

OK, I'll play it real safe now. I think I'll just nom things for feature once a year or so, because I usually don't get in trouble when I do that. So I'll be uber careful now guys. Just expect to see articles made that's about it now. You guys have me scared. ~ Readmesoon

Not trying to scare anyone. I'm just letting you know to be careful, so that some of the less lenient admins doesn't banish you to the fiery pits of Hades. Please do continue to do things, just make sure you know the drill of everything before you get it going. -RAHB 06:54, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

I'll do the scaring part. What the hell is this suppose to mean?, "kid"? I have never heard the great writers of this site talk like this to anyone, and you, "kid", are not amongst them, if only due to the way you behave to your fellow editors (not to mention other issues you were involved with in the past). You are not on thin ice, you are swimming in the water already as far as I'm concerned. Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S

I was just coming over here to say the same thing. Mordillo said it well enough. I'd personally like to ban you right now, but being as Mordillo was the first to address this, I'll let him make that decision. If you're still around by the end of the day, the next time you sneeze wrong in my vicinity, you're getting infinibanned. No More Mr. Nice Guy. -RAHB 07:33, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

Uh..Question

Hi I'm Tameka, can I ask a question please? Um are the accounts on this Wiki free...If so than are you reqired to have an email address? --70.161.7.58 23:20, 28 August 2008 (UTC) Nigga Home Girl

accounts are free, no email required. ...uh, you're welcome.   Le Cejak • <23:28, 28 Aug 2008>

Although it's good to have a registered e-mail just in case you forget your password -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 23:33, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

wait....accounts are FREE!!?? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:18, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

Bullshit! The guy in the back alley made me pay like 20 bucks for this one! I thought he was trustworthy... --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 21:05, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

Temika: Uh...Never Mind..-_-;;.

UnSignpost: August 28th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

August 28^th, 2008 • SEVENTEENTH ISSUE SPECTACULAR • Word to your mother

Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce By Regret Tenenbaum At exactly 10:28 pm (UTC), Sir Led Balloon did the honors of emblazoning a golden '1000' in the count to a million project, a true milestone on the journey to seven-digit greatness. Another user celebrated by gracing the page with an unprecedented one-thousand-and-one pixel high "1001", which was quickly taken down. The user was, needless to say, embarrassed, yet happy that the uncouth horde of devoted Uncyclopedians had finally reached the number 1000, as such a milestone had not been reached since the number 100 and the end of the Porn Wars. On that note, the Porn Wars ended earlier this week with a tentative truce between Commander Jailbait and General Pervert. The war began the week before, when Regret posted a pin-up girl to balance Orian's photo of a scantily-clad male, claiming he was "bringing balance back to the universe." Regret also stated he would "fight to the death"... or at least until Leddy stepped in, this time to call a "three-pornstuffs rule", which eventually ended the erotic feud. Meth, a constant editor on the forum, said "'twas a fortunate day for all under 18." Still, even with peace returning to the forum, not all is well in the land of counting. On the subject of reaching 1000, one dissenting user said: "Perhaps we should seriously consider stopping there. I mean that would be 1/1000 of the goal! Imagine doing this whole thing, 1000 times. That would mean 3000 archives, give or take." To which another user responded, "unfortunately for you, Nobody cares." Nevertheless, as long as there are users with nothing better to do, the Forum will always trudge on, giving Uncyclopedians something with which to kill thirty seconds, and also giving UnSignpost reporters something to write about. Lack of cure for testicular cancer kills 100 Uncyc members By Methamphetamine Uncycloversity members are still failing to find a cure for our previously mentioned testicular cancer, and to date, 100 people have died of said cancer. When nobody died, some user said it was a rumor made by some other user to piss us all off, right before clutching his balls in pain and dropping dead. Within an hour, about 16 more people died a cancer-related death. A live update shows that 105 users are now dead. You could be next! Don't panic, that'll make you die faster. Regret Tenenbaum, the user who originally warned of the disease, had this to say: "I TOLD YOU SO!" to which he added "Na-nanana-nanana!" The death toll is expected to reach into the thousands, with no end in sight. A memorial was set up earlier today to remember the dead, with one number added for every fallen Uncyclopedian. With fear and panic filling the hearts of users everywhere, there is one question that is on everyone's mind: "WHY GOD, WHY?!" Another live update show that 200 people have now died, and out of those, 10 people killed themselves in anxiety. Remember to always feel your testicles with your fingers. That's right. It helps prevent the cancer from reproducing.

Check out these pages! VOTE VOTE VOT Everyone tell Cajek what they've been up to Who is the man behind Uncyc's curtain? The truth about wikia's staff! From our logs: 05:22, 20 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 12.219.249.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days, 14 hours, 15 minutes, 93 seconds ‎ (Blanking Africa does not make it go away.) 20:45, 24 August 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Norwich (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (and you're an annoying cuntfluff) 09:39, 26 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.190.63.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (o hai, no blank plz. kthxbai.) 00:41, 27 August 2008 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) huffed My balls (content was: 'Sweaty and hot.') Biopic of the Week TheLedBalloon - Feature machine and Star Wars aficionado, Uncyc's resident hockey expert has come a long way from his humble beginnings. Seeming to appear on talk pages where there is conflict brewing as if there was some giant balloon signal silhoutted against the clouds, Led's recent oppage ensures that he has the tools to keep Uncyc as most excellent as possible. Old-school featured article of the week Five-time World RiskTM Champion Napoleon Bonaparte was a man of great stature. He enjoyed many military victories, revolutionizing armed combat. He rose to the rank of Emperor, and came closer than any diabolical supervillian has (before or since) to conquering the world. Unfortunately, nobody took him seriously because he was short. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 8/25/08 Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - Think long and hard before misdirection-linking to the Uncyclopedia article on Penis, as it could result in stiff competition between you and other members of your unit. see more horoscopes

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–—Hv (talk) 30/08 20:28

Hey

RMS! What's been going down here? Are you all right? You seem to be getting into an awful lot of scrapes with the law. Is there anything I can do for you? Get you a cup of nice tea? - [12:03 2 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

UnSignpost: September 4th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

September 4th, 2008 • Eighteenth Issue • STOP!! SIGNPOST TIME!!

Uncyclopedia copies Conservapedia By Gerrycheevers Recently, on the fact-based no-spin-zone wiki known as Conservapedia, there has been debate raging over whether to ban all atheists from contributing. Apparently conservapedians believe atheists (those who deny the existence of the creator) to be at the very least a hinderance, and at the very most a hideous group of venom-spitting demon-eyed savages who feed on the blood of children. If this motion garners enough support it may become a 'Conservapedia Commandment', along with 'no girls allowed' and 'slow down, this is a neighborhood.' Mild amusement and complete apathy were rampant among Uncyclopedians yesterday. Some poked fun at the silly conservatives for proposing such a Nazi-esque measure. Others took up the reigns in a new thread: should atheists (of Cthulhu) be barred from Uncyclopedia? It seems support for this action is widespread, and soon 'Cthulhu tests' will be administered to random users at random times. Failure of such tests will result in soul consumption. User Heerenveen had this to say: "I believe that it shouldn't matter whether you are an avid worshipper of Cthulhu, just someone who pretends to like Cthulhu to fit in with your mates, or indeed a foaming-at-the-crotch atheist (of Cthulhu), you should be infinibanned from Uncyc regardless. Unless, of course, you are Cajek," to which Orian57 added, "Richard Dawkins is so sexy." As is the norm here on Uncyclopedia, the controversy was immediately parodied, and then the parody of the controversy was summarily parodied. It has yet to be seen whether the parody of the parody will in fact be parodied. Movie Trailer Announcer Guy Dead at 68 By Gerrycheevers IN A WORLD where JUSTICE is a distant memory...where HOPE seems desperately out of reach...where THROATY BARITONES are hard to come by... ...ONE MAN performed voice-overs for OVER NINETY FOUR THOUSAND FILMS. His DEEPLY SONOROUS VOICE could turn even the most BORING movie into AN ALL-OUT THRILLER... ...Most famously known for THAT GEICO COMMERCIAL HE DID, that man's NAME was DON LAFONTAINE. Critics hailed him as 'THAT MOVIE TRAILER ANNOUNCER GUY' and 'THE DUDE WITH THE CRAZY VOICE'... ...On Monday, LaFontaine PASSED AWAY suddenly when a FIERY EXPLOSION in a SHRAPNEL FACTORY caused the TURBO-CHARGED SPORTSCAR in which he was being pursued by MONGOL HORDES to CAREEN OVER A CLIFF. He was 68...

Check out these pages! Another user says goodbye CENSORED Unflinchingly rigid vanity guidlines to take effect immediately From our logs: 07:32, 29 August 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.42.174.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble-minded, and scientifically proven to be evidence of underdeveloped genitalia.) 20:57, 31 August 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.109.95.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Go masturbate somewhere else.) 03:32, 2 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.59.31.226 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Exemplary douchehattery.) Biopic of the Week 15Mickey20, Uncyc's resident tennis analyst, has won virtually every writing award and competition in existence on the entire site. His PLS and Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball entries were both later featured, and his WotM award stems from the rest of his totally awesome articles. Mickey Mantle is pictured a the right for no reason at all. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Hammers are extremely useful tools, most usually used for whacking stuff. Employed by Norse Gods, Italian plumbers, and 90s rap artists, the hammer can also be used to gouge out eyes and perform other tasks. Reading up on this article will result in increased knowledge of the hammer life cycle and sexual abuse of hammers, but may also cause severe cranial damage. This Week's Horoscopes Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - When you assume, you typically make an ass out of Ume. And you know how sensitive that guy is. see more horoscopes

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―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 5/09 17:13

Important Mafia Business!

Dear Mafioso, Important Mafia Changes Have Taken Place!

Hello-a there, fellow killers and maimartists, this is your Don, here. I'd just-a like to tell you that we've had a little jumble up on the Family ladder of honour. The Russian "Digits" has been granted the special title of "Capo Bastone". "Dotnot" and "Grieve" have been made "Capo Bastone Delegato", and will be working closely with Digits as his assistants. A full list of their permissions can be found here. -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 18:21, 7 September 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: September 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

September 11^th, 2008 • Nineteenth Issue • All your readers are belong to us

Uncyclopedia celebrates 9/11 By Cajek 8 years ago, America was attacked or something. Uncyclopedians, who are true patriots, celebrated the eighth anniversary in true American fashion: by doing mostly nothing of interest to anyone but themselves. The UnSignpost devoted nine-hundred-eleven minutes of silence to the event Thursday by not even bothering to send itself out. "The Unsignpost was there nine years ago during those super not-kewl terrorist attacks," said chief writer Gerrycheevers. "I wasn't part of the staff then, so I promise that, in the 911th issue, we will devote a whole article to the events of that frabjuous day." In the 911th year of publication, the Unsignpost promises to dedicate the whole issue to 9/11 and those rascally terrorists. "We've already got 911 stories lined up for publication!" said staff photographer Larry. "It's too bad we have to wait so long to get them to the public, but that's what happens when you honor a holiday like this the way you're SUPPOSED to." Uncyclopedia's main page was 11/9-themed for the occasion. When Mordillo and Spang were alerted that nothing interesting happened on November ninth, 2001, Larry, Mordillo's public relations officer, claimed that "it [didn't] matter: One date is the same as the next. Why don't you Unsignpost people shut the hell up? Oh, and uh, I won't be able to come in Monday: it's my sister's wedding." Other wikis in cyberspace exist, and therefore did things relating to 9/11. Conservapedia, a conservative parody of Uncyclopedia, celebrated by drawing figures of Mohammed on their private nuclear stockpile. Legopedia celebrated by informing the public of Lego's new action series: 9/11: the Suckiest Thing Ever. Jengapedia honored the fallen by sponsoring a 911 minute championship Jenga competition. Liberalpedia, on the other hand, did nothing of any consequence. >:( FUCK YOU LIBERALS!! FUCK YOUUUU!!!! The Unsignpost would like to print a retraction of it's 47th issue from September 11th, 2001, wherein the terrorist attacks were called "super-kewl" and the terrorists themselves hailed as heroes. Those responsible have been sacked. Conservation Week Returns! By Gerrycheevers Conservation Week, also known as 'Rewrite-a-thon' or 'De-crap-ification', is upon our community once again. Twice a year, Uncyclopedians band together to clean out the weeds and squirrel corpses from promising trees found in the rewrite category, among other places. Due to the retirement of co-founder Jocke Pirat and quasi-inactiveness of co-founder THE, another user has stepped in with promises to annoy every user until they rewrite at least one article. That user shall remain anonymous. Opening day for this well-liked, popular, and intriguing event is Monday the 15th. The winner of the competition will receive the Greasy Mechanic Award for having rewritten the most articles in the two-week competition. Past winners include THE and Jocke Pirat. Be sure to participate early so as to avoid annoying requests to "rewrite an article, you lazy git!" The event has thrown into sharp relief the lack of Uncyclopedia events, or the excess of Uncyclopedia events, depending on who you ask. Ideas like Forest Fire Week and Everyone Edit A Ton Of Articles Week have not received much support, but may be enacted in the future to keep ADD-riddled Uncyclopedians something to do for five minutes. RC takes home NotM By Gerrycheevers After years of fruitless nominations, Rcmurphy has finally won n00b of the Month. The announcement came last week, when none of the three candidates fufilled the requirements necessary for winning the n00by. It seemed the two new users had both failed to write an article, and So So did not meet the main n00bishness requirement. Since there was no clear winner, the award went to Rc by Rule 4.1, Clause 3 of the NotM eligibility guidelines. As far as the NotM badge itself, it was initally placed on So So's userpage. After relenquishing the honor to Rcmurphy, So So proceeded to foul the badge and offer it to the user who wanted it the most. After the planned Panel of Penis Monkeys from Outer Space cancelled, a phone-in contest was held, in which Colin "All your base" Heaney dominated the competiton. He took home the badge and now proudly displays the feces-ridden merit on his userpage. In a related story, Rcmurphy is up for NotM yet again. However, he is facing stiff competition from W.T. Door, a U.S. Navy seamen who spends his time swabbing decks, battoning down hatches, and writing cool stuff.

Check out these pages! More fanmail from celebrities Responding response VF...R? From our logs: 22:25, 5 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.130.4.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Disliking the Matrix.) 06:19, 9 September 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.240.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Oh, please. My grandmother could take down the US Military if she so desired.) 11:07, 11 September 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 125.27.19.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The cabal cartel deems you unworthy for further edits.) Biopic of the Week Adored by his hordes of fans, Cajek can usually be found in the 'ban room'. Uncyc's fifth-most featured author, one can argue that he has revolutionized the wiki with his unique writing style. His regulation of Pee Review and founding of this very periodical are among the many ways he has somehow managed to contribute to the site between his bans. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Perhaps the most feared out of any of the creatures that walk the Earth, the Gazebo is as lethal as it is deadly. Known for their excellent camouflage and for being extremely protective of their young (pictured), humans can only hope to never encounter one of these legendary beasts in their lifetime. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - There is travel in your future followed by a lack of travel, followed by very slow travel. Things you'll be sitting in include sports car, hospital bed and electric wheelchair controlled by a blow tube. see more horoscopes Retraction of the Week Last issue we claimed that people from Eurasia are "subhuman scum". We would like to make a hasty retreat from this. Those responsible have been promoted and reassigned, against all the wishes of God and man. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GERRY!! Re-retraction of the Week Last week we retracted our claim that "all mammals, including humans, should be killed and stockpiled for the coming nuclear winter." We would like to retract that retraction for reasons that can't be given in full in this issue. EDITOR'S NOTE: Look for a full explanation in about four issues VFD Survivor of the Week Movie Of Lady Whose Ankle Is Showing is pornography film set for release in the summer of 2009. Not since Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One has producer/director Robot Thomas Edison so brilliantly captured handicap fetishes or William Shatner's Jewishness. Starring Paris Hilton as Dickin Mymouth, Rosie O'Donnell as Your Mother, and William Hung as Tingle the Magical Flying Aardvark of Justice, this is one film that is sure to captivate audiences worldwide. Sabbatical of the Week Under user has gone to some hemisphere other than his own, possibly the bottom one. We here at the UnSignpost wish him a trip free of kangaroo attacks, drop bear maulings, swarms of dozens and dozens of scorpions, and the various other pleasentries from down under.

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— MantiBot Owner 11:19, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

I don't know what you did, but I don't hate you at least!

It's true!   Le Cejak • <12:45, 24 Sep 2008>

this is my first edit in nearly a month... thanks. ~ Readmesoon

I don't know who you are!

Want to change that?--Chay <Contribs UNSOC Also> 23:25, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Call me RMS. I used to be really active, and I used to write a ton of UnNews. I was about to win the Follitzer Prize, but then everyone got all pissed at me. Then I left to Illogicopedia, which I find much better. ~ Readmesoon

Why did they get all pissed at you?--Chay <Contribs UNSOC Also> 23:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Well their was this new guy. He was running around making all fo these really stupid UnNews and everyone of them got VFD'd. I told him on his talk page in a rough manner to step it up. All the admins were like "Don't treat our new users like that" and shit. ~ Readmesoon

Why do you care what the quality of his work was? It's not like VFDing is a big hassle.--Chay <Contribs UNSOC Also> 23:46, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

To make it worse, though, he was putting it on the front page news template. It was so annoying. ~ Readmesoon

Howdy RMS

Nice to see you back around. Sorry for the delay on this reply, I skipped over your message one day and before I knew it, it was lost in the canals of my talk page. At any rate, I've looked at the article and like the idea. The only issue I find is one I've discussed with you before, and that is the flow of the prose. Some sentences are unnecessarily repetitive, there are some misspellings, and it can become sort of a task to read. You could go one of three ways on that I suppose. A) Scan through it a few times with a fine-toothed comb, and fix it up, B) Have the Proofreading Service do it, or C) I could probably give it a go like I did with your UnNews article that one time. Though how much time I have to do that I'm uncertain of, but I'd be willing to give it a go if I can. -RAHB 23:28, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

I think it would be pretty cool if you do it. I don't care how long it takes, because when you do it it just coems out great and that's all I want. ~ Readmesoon

Very well then. I'll try to get around to it today at some point. -RAHB 19:31, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks dude! I've been spending most of my time around Illogicopedia, so it may take a while for me to get my writing abilility back to Uncyc standards again. ~ Readmesoon

Jew Beanie

Thanks for the review RMS, i'm glad you liked the article. I would like to ask you about a thing or two. First off, what do you think i could improve in the Impostor Jew Beanies section? I didn't think it was the best section, but i liked it more than Modern Uses, which I felt was the worst section. I added the last line as a last ditch to get laughs. I feel i really need to work on Modern Uses more than I do Impostor Jew Beanies, so if you could give me an idea of what you think i should change that would be really helpful. Thanks again ^{Pirate Lord}__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 17:27, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

You're quite right, the modern uses section was rather droll except for the last line. But as for improving the imposter section, I don't have many ideas. Potentially you could mention the little beanies with spinners on them, and say how lame the little boys who wear them are? ~ ♥ ♠ ♦ ♣ 17:33, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

Lol

It's an advertisement.

Yay you! ... Because you might be one of those pro people who go to UnBusiness! Yay you again! Two apples for you here! You better help at UnBusiness, because you got these apples.

Mr Zhe-mel-talki-signe-singaporel-bling ^Brute! It's 09:13 ...with savings! Yay you indeed. Mr Zhe-mel-talki-signe-singaporel-bling ^Brute! It's 09:13 ...with savings!

Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Guildy

---

Award from UN:REQ

This user created Endor, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

MadMax 18:01, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Um

Is there any reason why the hell you were typing that article in my userspace? Staircase CUN^t 05:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Wow! My god, I'm really sorry. I typed that in thinking it was mine, your name just struck me because I was cruising around VFH and saw your name I think. Anyhow, it was a big mistake, I was planning on putting that in mine. Could I just move it over? ~ Readmesoon 05:51, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, ok. I thought you though you were me or something. Anyhow, I put it on QVFD, so you can copy it over to your userspace or something before it gets deleted if you wish. Staircase CUN^t 05:54, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Alright, I'll do that. Sorry for the mix up! ~ Readmesoon 05:59, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for making my article a feature

It's about fucking time.

—Thanks

---

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:02, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

Illogicopedia

You told me I should make an Illogicopedia? Funny that, because I do have an Illogicopedia. It's me, Galanoth! I wrote Dancing Dog and YouTube Comments! -plot twist-! --SadisticWolf 11:51, June 12, 2010 (UTC)

Whaaaaat, Galanoth, what the helk are you doing here ~ Readmesoon 15:56, June 12, 2010 (UTC)

Fantasy Football

You are up in the draft sir, you have 24 hours to make your pick. Forum:Uncyclopedia_Fantasy_Football_Draft_2010#Round_1 -- SirSf13 (Talk) CUN RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 02:07 EST 6 Aug, 2010

Remember me?

Indeed. Do you? Well hello, anyhow. - [21:08 6 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

Hah, YTTE. Yeah. how's the mob going? ~ Readmesoon 23:11, August 6, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, it's dead. But actually I've been formulating plans to reinvent it, as I just described to Meth (remember/know him?): Do you remember the mafia? I was thinking about reestablishing that. Unlike the other usergroups around at the moment that focus on writing and rewriting articles I suggest the mafia could be a community usergroup. As in a usergroup that is concerned with the health of the community, especially in the light of the recent butfuck (this is the correct collective noun, I believe) of drama and unhappiness. I am (obviously secretly just making a lunge for unparalleled power and such) hoping users could turn the mafia into a group that helps foster happiness and good relations, as well as assisting noobs (almost alike a collective adopt-a-noob) and anyone who needs general assisting. I don't know. Pipe dream? - [23:21 6 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

I'm not concerned with Uncyclopedia's community health, as all it has done to mean is take away precious hours of my life and get me addicted to saying 'cocks'. But the articles are funny. ~ Readmesoon 23:47, August 6, 2010 (UTC)

Don't worry, I was not trying to rope you in. Just since you asked. The articles are, indeed, funny. - [23:51 6 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

Well, I've been detached from this site, I don't really do anything here anymore (check my contribs). I go to Illogicopedia now, much more suitable for idiots like me. Also, our new spoof news site No Ammo News is going well. And school's coming. /sighs ~ Readmesoon 00:28, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

Oh school, don't remind. And wow that site does look good...And what exactly is the difference between illogicopedia and uncyc? - [00:33 7 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

Uncyc is more serious, a more formal parody that is satire and actual humour, whereas ?pedia is sort of like Uncyc's retarded twin brother, it's more about nonsense than actual, organized humour. I like it better, i can write like an idiot and people like it. Uncyc has way higher standards, for instance, hardly any articles get deleted at ?pedia (only spa and vandal articles, really) whereas numerous articles get blown away daily here. Also, No Ammo is great shit. ~ Readmesoon 01:05, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

Ahh, I seee...no standards! Well it sounds intriguing... - [01:15 7 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

UFFL 2010 Kickoff

The draft is over, the NFL regular season begins Thursday September 9th, and everyone is geared up and ready to play some fantasy football(!).

This season promises to thrill and intrigue, and as the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League has grown from just eight all the way to 14 teams, each one vying for a shot at the championship, except maybe Neox's team. With all this excitement, however, comes questions. Will Rush and Kick FTW, the UFFL's first team based in Britain, be able to compete with the league's American teams? Will Cheddar's rebuilt Doritorians be able to play at the same high level as last year now that their roster is down from 50% Eagles players to just 30%? Will evil Nazi overlord and reigning league Champion Guildensternenstein be able to defend his league championship now that Top-3 players at the quarterback, running back, wide receiver and tight end positions didn't fall into his lap this year? Only brutal, primal, visceral, cerebral combat on the fields of Yahoo!'s fantasy football league servers can determine these questions.

That all being said, everyone should take note of two things:

• this is a link to the league--go here to do stuff, like select a starting roster (which, believe it or not, is important).

• this is the forum where we'll talk about the league and post banal sports banter (which, believe it or not, is even more important).

Good luck, gentleman. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:05, September 4, 2010 (UTC)

Okey-dokey.

YOUR TURN! <insert name here> <(^_^<)Meh.^Meh. _Meh. or something like that 01:54, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

I made the league

It's on Yahoo!. Here are some important things to know:

• League ID: 512953
• Custom League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/league/uncyclopedia_2010
• Password: guildy

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:43, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

I made the league

It's on Yahoo!. Here are some important things to know:

• League ID: 512953
• Custom League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/league/uncyclopedia_2010
• Password: guildy

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:42, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

Dear Valued Mafia Member,

Dear Valued Mafioso,

I am very sorry to be encroaching on your talkpage. Please feel free to move this message without incurring the wrath of the mob. You are, whether you remember or not, a member of the Uncyclopedia Mafia. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, the Family has been inactive recently. However, members of the Family believe that now is the time for our little business to burst back into the spotlight.

Mafia 2.0 promises:

• MORE violence
• MORE whores
• MORE gambling
• MORE guns
• MORE pointless awards
• MORE positions to be filled
• MORE of an actual purpose

The Mafia Pledge:

The Uncyclopedia mafia hereby declares its intention to be a family business dedicated to welcoming, socialising with and being friendly to new users, in an attempt to integrate them into the Uncyclopedia community, offering help to any Uncyclopedia user who wants assistance and looking to promote merriment within the Uncyclopedia community.

As a current member we are proposing that you should help the Family, once more, by becoming an active member. We humbly present you with the following options:

1. Simply reply here, saying you are willing to continue being a member of the Mafia.
2. Sign the code {{u|<insert name here>}} here to opt out of the Mafia.
3. If you do not reply within ten (10) days you will deemed inactive and stripped of your current full Mafia membership.
4. Reply here saying you are willing to continue as part of the Mafia and then request one of the several senior roles within the Mafia that need filling at my office.

As of 21:41 7 August 2010 the following roles within the Mafia require filling. If you would like one of the positions please request it at the above mentioned office.

• Personal Secretary to the Don (with special privileges)
• Capo Bastone (deputy to the Don)
• Chariman of the Italian branch of the family
• Capo Bastone Delegato (deputy to the Capo Bastone)

Yours Sincerely,
Don Mr. Antonio "Snowmobile" Yettie
[18:29 7 August 2010]

*bonk*

You are not. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101024 - 04:04 (UTC)

Oh please. Who else would be (seppy doesn't count, he's sort of a pseudo-penguin, not a user)? ~ Readmesoon 04:19, October 24, 2010 (UTC)

I'd go for T3 over you any day. Sorry, love.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go try to crush someone else's dreams. How much you want to bet I fail there, too? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101024 - 04:31 (UTC)

hey, have you even read his articles? compare them to mine. ~ Readmesoon 04:42, October 24, 2010 (UTC)

Who said anything about your articles? I was just comparing personalities. I quite like THE's articles, actually. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101024 - 05:09 (UTC)

Oh, I see how it is. You like the stereotypical Republican over the awesome guy. ~ Readmesoon 05:12, October 24, 2010 (UTC)

I like the guy who doesn't tell me to fuck off. Sorry, personal preference.

In all seriousness, though, having a horribly undefinitive section about who's the greatest could be kind of funny... so what does make you great? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101024 - 05:17 (UTC)

Probably the charisma, the fauxhawk (feel free to interview dunc/seppy on that one), and the blatant unoriginality of half of my articles. I also have, like, a bunch of features, or something. ~ Readmesoon 05:26, October 24, 2010 (UTC)

Hmm... most interesting. Anything involving pairs of ducks, by any chance? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101024 - 05:38 (UTC)

Perhaps. My bran has been turned to mush so far back I can't remember. ~ Readmesoon 05:59, October 24, 2010 (UTC)

Do you remember what it was like not operating on mush? I don't. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101024 - 14:46 (UTC)

Fuckin oatmeal, how does it work? ~ Readmesoon 21:21, October 24, 2010 (UTC)

Blargle.

Okay, thought. Suppose I'm an uncyclopedian. I go to illogicopedia to... er, investigate. What happens? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101024 - 21:57 (UTC)

Probably nothing. All the users just hide in recent changes and don't actually edit, like myself. ~ Readmesoon 04:34, October 25, 2010 (UTC)

>.<

But that's not funny! I need something funny; uncyclopedians need things to be funny. They're so strange like that... ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101025 - 04:35 (UTC)

"The users don't actually try to be funny... they just sit there, be lazy, and act like idiots. How funny is that?" perfect line ~ Readmesoon 04:49, October 25, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, yes... that may well work. O_o Thank you, beloved. Now, as for the section about who is the greatest... how should that play out? *ponders* ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101025 - 04:56 (UTC)

Just scoff up the "active" admins, meaning sheppy, testes, and hindleyak. they've been there for some good time, like, actually doing shit. and, of course, there's me, mr. awesome. and t3, mr. fail. and ben. oh, that silly ben. ~ Readmesoon 05:01, October 25, 2010 (UTC)

And in the epic battle in which they all fight sharks, who do you suppose will win? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101025 - 05:35 (UTC)

None of them. They're all pathetic twerps who spent more time wanking than eating and sleeping combined. ~ Readmesoon 14:27, October 25, 2010 (UTC)

Psh... fine. The expedition shall accidentally kill off all of the Illogicopedians and clean up the mess after... happy? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101025 - 15:50 (UTC)

It's quiet now...

This formatted enough for you? It's quiet now. I do not know how long we have...

I'll put it back when Roberto wants to cooperate again, but for now I've been working on it here. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101114 - 02:05 (UTC)

Scratch that; Roberto's cooperating. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101114 - 07:01 (UTC)

Participation Template

Thanks for participating in this past season of UFFL fantasy football. Here is a template for said participation:

'The 2010 Purple Pigskin of Participation'

This user participated in the UFFL's 2010 season.

For his/her participation, he/she has received this template.

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All of the other awards/results are posted here. Thanks for playing. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:28, December 30, 2010 (UTC)