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Today's Featured Article Biffy Clyro is a Scottish rock band from Scotland. As well as being Scottish, nobody outside of the rainy isles has heard of them. The band is composed of one Scottish guy, and two other Scottish guys who are for some reason twins, even though they look nothing alike. During concerts, the trio are joined by musicians Mike Vennart and Dick "99% of Gamblers Quit Before They Win it Big" Ingram. Currently signed to 14th Floor Records, they have released at least six albums. Following the first three, their maybe-existent fan base grew to slightly larger numbers. As for who they actually are, I'm still not sure. I'm pretty sure they're a band, however. As well as being from Scotland, they are apparently very popular in the UK, which is not a place I've visited. As for their music... I'm not sure that exists either. (Full article...) Recently featured: Foreign accent syndrome CaseOh Conspiracy Theory Generator Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured) ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society? ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity? ... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse? ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away? ... that Big Bird was the guest of honor on a special Thanksgiving episode of Sesame Street? (Pictured) ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted? ... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious? ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno? ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class? ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE! ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured) ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society? ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity? ... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse? ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away? ... that Big Bird was the guest of honor on a special Thanksgiving episode of Sesame Street? (Pictured) ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted? ... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious? ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno? ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class? ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE! ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured) ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society? ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity? ... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse? ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?	In the news Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID to "protect the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad On this day... March 9: National "Shit We Forgot to Celebrate Your Birthday" Day (Canada) 400 BC - Noted Greek scholar and intellectual Hypocrites denounces extravagant living from his posh ninety-acre woodland mansion. 1862 - First American Civil War battle between two Ironclad ships ends in draw after the CSS Virginia argues the war was about "economics, not slavery" as if the two topics are separate. 1982 - Time travel party is announced three weeks ago in Baltimore, scientists declare that time travelers don't like Maryland very much. 1994 - Bill Gates announces invention of a method that lets men hold handbags without looking "super gay", men clamor for secret. 1996 - Secret to holding handbag like a man revealed: tie the strap around your balls and swing the handbag around like a flail. Cowardly men invent the extra-large pants pocket instead.
Today's featured picture Though the United States' new strategy in Iraq has proven effective at routing insurgent rebels, it has done little to relieve the stigma of what many perceive as American imperialism. Image credit: Thetoastman View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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