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Today's Featured Article Mathematics (from Greek άθημα máthēma, “knowledge, study, learning”) is the systematic torture of students disguised as the study of quantity, structure, space, and change. Mathematicians seek out patterns and formulate new conjectures, trying to make sense of the universe by examining these abstract concepts, determining common traits, and then experimenting to see if this advanced knowledge will help them get women into bed. These conjectures are often faulty, and this subsequent failure is referred to as mathematical proof. Galileo Galilei (1564–1642) said, "The universe cannot be read until we have learned the language and become familiar with the characters in which it is written. It is written in mathematical language... Without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth". He was also condemned by the church for heresy, and the only surviving body part of his is his middle finger on his right hand. This is currently kept at the Museo Galileo in Florence, Italy, allowing him to give the finger to the Catholic Church from beyond the grave. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (Pictured) ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word? ... that the police are at your door? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders? ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured) ... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord? ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them? ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay? ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms? ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask! ... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (Pictured) ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word? ... that the police are at your door? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders? ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured) ... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord? ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them? ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay? ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms? ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask! ... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (Pictured) ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word? ... that the police are at your door? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders? ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?	In the news Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV-based sitcom canned after people realize they can watch literally anything else • Mr. Strickland Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts • Sora On this day... March 29: National Treason Day 30 AD - Judas Iscariot betrays his best friend Jesus for a Coke, gets a Pepsi from the Sanhedrin instead. Heartbroken, he hangs himself. 1792 - King Gustav III of Sweden is assassinated when conspirators remove the structural dowels in his HATTEFJÄLL office chair. 1847 - American troops sack the Mexican city of Veracruz, steal the secrets of the fish taco from its denizens. 1857 - Indian Sepoys mutiny against the British after being forced to endure their take on Indian cuisine. 1951 - Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are arrested for giving the Soviet Union secrets of the nuclear family. 1973 - William Calley, U.S. Army officer responsible for the My Lai Massacre, is given numerous high-fives for his "epic" K/D ratio. 2019 - The United Kingdom leaves the EU, as per the deal, the entire British Isles will be towed into the Bermuda Triangle.
Today's featured picture The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it. Image credit: Serge Billault View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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