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Today's Featured Article

Sick Orchids.jpg

Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.

Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)

Did you know...

Stalinman.png
  • ... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
  • ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
  • ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
  • ... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
  • ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
  • ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
150x150 BETbooty.gif
  • ... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)
  • ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
  • ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
  • ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
  • ... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
  • ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
  • ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
  • ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
Stalinman.png
  • ... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
  • ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
  • ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
  • ... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
  • ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
  • ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
150x150 BETbooty.gif
  • ... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)
  • ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
  • ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
  • ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
  • ... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
  • ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
  • ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
  • ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
Stalinman.png
  • ... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
  • ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
  • ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
  • ... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
  • ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
  • ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?

In the news

Norris4.jpg

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn AwardsChucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports

Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • BuffyXander HarrisRobert Mueller

Upcoming deaths: Dancin' MaduroIranMahmoud AhmadinejadAtlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity

On this day...

This is a dolphin not a fish, I demand a refund

March 23: Take Your Fish To Work Day

  • 139 AD - Roman historian Erraticus publishes the fourth version of Life of Trajan, this one portaying Trajan as an emperor and retracting the previous version's claims that Trajan was a talking donkey.
  • 1097 - St. Peter's Basilica was first used outside of the Vatican city during the first Crusades.
  • 1952 - Beloved British children's author Enid Blyton publishes her most famous work, The Three Golliwogs. Please don't google it.
  • 1956 - Pakistan declares itself to be an Islamic Republic, which is like the Old Republic except without the Jedi.
  • 1962 - Dozens of women march on Washington D.C. to politely request feminine rights, their husbands sit at home without their supper.
  • 1974 - The last dirty liberal is sent to serve in the Vietnam War, rendering America a perfect utopia of conservatives for nearly eighteen months.
  • 2026 - a Plane has love affair with A track, making the worlds first Plane-Firetruck hybrid.

Today's featured picture

Cornwallis Surrenders
General Cornwallis, after initial demands for T.P. for his bunghole, surrenders to General Washington at Yorktown. Cornwallis, however, refused to return Washington's hat, even after being called a 'fartknocker'.

Image credit: RadicalX
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Recent Articles


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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Noobaward.png

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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