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Today's Featured Article You are wasting this internet site's time. You should be writing something, but instead you are just sitting there, waiting for it to entertain you. You could even be the Time Magazine Person of the Year. Don't you have any sense of responsibility? How can you live with yourself? Think about all the times you've laughed heartily at some passing rejoinder in the forums, guffawed mightily at a clever turn of phrase on your talkpage, or even politely smiled at some article during your favorite Uncyclopedia program: HumorSearch. Don't you think you owe it to this wiki to put in at least a semblance of effort to return the favor? You should cease and desist all extraneous and benign activity and write an article. Okay, that was incredibly rude, mate. Firstly, I think you should be the one writing the article, seeing as you are the one who bloody gives a damn. Secondly, by caring about what I do with every second of my precious time spent on Uncyclopedia and forming an essay on what I should be doing, you have wasted more of the common people's time than I could ever imagine. Thirdly, how can you live with yourself? You think yourself funny, don't you? Well I don't. You are an idiot and have problems. Bugger off. What? Who says "bugger" besides Captain Price? Probably some British creeper. British creeper, whoever you are, you need to "bugger" off, you filthy "wanker"!(Full article...) Recently featured: Rob Gronkowski Kirkification Osu! Maxipad Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that I'm better than this person in particular? ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter? ... that I'm better than this person in particular? ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter? ... that I'm better than this person in particular?	In the news Too bad you can't customize this in the original. Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April (Pictured) Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files Recent deaths: The MetroCard • Stranger Things • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) On this day... February 4: Nobody Does Anything Interesting Day 220 AD - Emperor Cao Cao of the Han Dynasty, knowing the end is near, has the imperial chef make him his favorite sandwich. 1142 - Starving peasants in medieval Germany continue to starve. 1877 - Charles Dickens has severe constipation, contemplates going to the doctor. 1943 - Hitler finds some time out of his day to play with his dog Blondi. 1968 - Lyndon B. Johnson drinks some really bad coffee, tells his wife. 1977 - Eric Clapton orders a tuna sandwich from the deli but is given egg salad instead, doesn't notice until he gets home. 2004 - Mark Zuckerberg invents the Facebook status, now people can be uninteresting whenever they want. 2008 - Parliament forces non-electric cars to drive in a place that is not in London. 2017 - Mike in HR spreads butter on a burnt piece of toast on purpose. Many speculate him to be completely batshit insane.
Today's featured picture I wonder what they're trying to tell us this time... Image credit: Kaizer the Bjorn View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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